June 25th, 1778
...
I was admired.
So much that I didn't even perceive why that little girl had a fondness for me.
And if there was one thing I shouldn't have done... was to feed her fantasy.
— Try as hard as you can, Crescent. You know I've got things to do.
— Leaving all of sudden? – I wish I could not just leave Lenneth on her own, but I had to.
— The kingdoms of Alexandria and Burmecia have been at war for centuries, and I might not be a help enough while within Burmecia.
— You have been helpful for me, Bart. – She looked at me, refusing to say goodbye. And how could she? It all happened so sudden.
— I haven't taught you anything. All those acrobatics, the Dragoon skills, the way you jump higher than everyone else, the way your spear moves faster than light... – Lenneth is strong, she can take care of her own.
— It does not matter. You were there with me when I needed you the most. – Just as I was about to leave, she grabbed me by the arm, not letting me go. Indeed, Lenneth is strong, but for what reason? It could not be me... – Where are you going? Won't you listen to me?
— Nothing you say can convince me otherwise. – I tried too hard to be the tough one, a thing I wasn't.
— I know. But... you said that I'm able to do all those amazing things on my own. You are lying. I can't do anything unless I know someone believes in me. A Dragoon's life isn't wonderful at all. It is a lonely way of living. – As for Lenneth, she stood true to herself.
— Lonely? How so? Everyone cares about you.
— Everyone? Yes. A million whose names I don't even know. I know you, Bart. You are not like this. You despise war of all things – Lenneth... she seemed so vulnerable.. It's a thing she refuses to show to anyone else. A 'thing', I said, like it didn't matter.
— So, what do you propose instead? That I stay with you, while the world falls apart?
— I would like to speak with Bartholomew, not with the soldier. He doesn't understand... – And I'm afraid he'll never understand. The soldier just followed orders, while I...
— Lenneth... – we both holded each other's hands, as I followed my heart. – I have never wanted or expected you to set me above what you do. There were times I felt more like your friend than your husband because when you were on the job, you had to deny knowing me, but I know you do it to protect me. I know it's necessary, and I never tried to interfere with that.
— And what about Jack? I understand what you mean, but Jack... — A Dragoon's armor is cold, unlike Lenneth's soft skin. Its helmet have no eyes, unlike what lies inside.
— He will be fine. You will look over at our son, right?
— Jack and me... we haven't been together since... since... – I remember the few times Lenneth and Jack were with each other. A few times that were cherished at their best.
— It'll be okay – I said as Lenneth cried all over my shoulder. Between her sobs, I recall saying... – Listen. To where I am going, I might not be able to return. Don't worry, I'll do my best to stay alive. People need you where they can see you, Lenneth. I need you, but my love ain't like this. I can still see you in my thoughts, even far away from here.
Then, it was time to say goodbye.
A long goodbye. To the woman I loved, to my homeland... and to myself.
...
When Jack was two years old, I brought him on my back.
What else could I do? Bart was out of home, I was in a hurry, could not leave my little Jack alone, so I had to bring him with me to work.
I told Jack that he would be safe, as he fell asleep on my shoulder. There's a kind of peacefulness only found when babies are in a deep sleep. It makes us forget the many times they could not handle things on their own. I was never the type who cried for help.
On my first leap, Jack woke up and trembled, but he didn't felt cold. We feel so many things when we are up there, far above everyone else. A thrill in your eyes, a shiver in my stomach, the skin dry for a moment... I still feel it, but not like I did on my first time.
To bring Jack with me... I wouldn't be doing it so had it not been for the trust I have for myself. Also, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something awful happened to my dear, and being my fault.
— Can I eat ice cream, momma? – Jack asked. Ever since he heard another kid talk about ice cream, he wanted one as well.
To cross the skies, almost fly like a bird... That's what a Dragoon does.
So many things we feel up there. Could that be the freedom I always wished for?
But what goes up must go down. Jack wanted a piece of flavored ice down, and I searched for it right away...
That's what a mother does.
...Does Jack even remember this?
No. He was too young to remember, and I too old to not forget.