I have often wondered what your life would have been like if you weren't born as the devil fetus, without the evil bone in your marrow.

What would you have become?

Chuntao told me the most delightful stories of you talking to birds. She even caught you once deeply conversing with a frog… a frog, of all things! You were quietly scolding the frog for something naughty it had done, or so Chuntao had told me. Later, Nian Baiyu told me being able to speak to animals was a gift passed on to generations in your tribe, and I now roll my eyes at the way you made full use of it when you made crows bring gifts to me.

You would have made a wonderful animal tamer. Ami would have loved to see you make her pets do tricks for her.

No? Maybe not.

How about an emperor then? You looked the most glamorous during your court assemblies. You shone like the brightest gem that you were in the midst of the stones you called your courtiers (except my brother, of course). But more than that, you were dearly loved by the people you ruled over. You've single-handedly united two kingdoms, and was fair to those who were previously your kingdom's enemies. For a man who had never been shown any care since childhood, a man who said he couldn't feel anything, you had cared for your people so much.

No wonder you saved the Demon Realm and gave the demons in it the best chance to live. You became the Devil God not for people to shudder at, but for them to respect and honor.

Could you have liked being an immortal? Zhang Hai tells me you were the best of all the disciples of Xiaoyao sect that Uncle Zhaoyou had ever taught. You were diligent in your studies, persistent in your practice, and endlessly curious about the ways of immortality. To be honest, I really liked you as Cang Jiumin, because he let me see you as an equal, someone who shared the same values and thoughts with me, someone who loved the immortal sect as I did.

But maybe you would have been content to be an ordinary mortal living a limited span of time, making the best out of the circumstances you would be born in. Free of the weight of the world, what would you have done? Endless possibilities stretch out… and how I would have loved to be a part of it.

What would your life have been, my love?

I would never know now, would I?

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Li Susu watched Ami practice demonic cultivation with Si Ying with a peculiar interest.

"You know, ever since I came back from the netherworld, Ami seems somehow… changed," Li Susu remarked to Mo Nv as the drought demon joined her for their usual tea.

Mo Nv's lips curled into a small smile. "She doesn't seem different to me," she said, nonchalantly pouring herself a cup of tea. "She's still the same rascal I've had the unfortunate fate to be aunt to." She sipped the steaming liquid quietly, scrutinizing Li Susu from the rim of the cup. "What makes you think so?"

"She seems more… thoughtful, somehow," Li Susu said. "Quieter. She's not up to her usual tricks, but now sticks to her lessons with you or Si Ying, or with me."

Mo Nv followed Li Susu's gaze at Ami who was now attempting to cast a fireball. "I'm not surprised," she said, blowing softly on the steam of the tea. "After seeing her mother in the state that you were in, what child won't be changed by that image?"

Li Susu turned sharply to Mo Nv. "What do you mean?"

Mo Nv glared at Li Susu. "You almost died," she said, almost angrily. "Goddess you might be, but even for you the netherworld river is not a place for you to take a swim in and have a refreshingly wonderful time, you know? Did you think that you'd just enter the netherworld and back just like that?" She snapped her head back towards Ami, sparing Li Susu more of her furious looks. "You know, for all the selfless things you've done for the Demon Realm, I could forgive you for this one selfish thing, if not for that girl over there." She set the teacup down. "I can't forgive you for hurting that little girl."

Li Susu set her teacup down too. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I… I didn't know…"

"You don't know how to stop," Mo Nv finished for her. She sighed. "I know. You've never stopped caring for the Demon Realm, improving the demons' way of life, strengthening the barrier that the Devil God left, teaching the demons about better ways to cultivate. There's always one thing to do for the Demon Realm, one more way to care for the demons that the Devil God protected, one more way to protect the legacy of the Devil God."

She turned to Li Susu, pity shimmering in her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, we demons do appreciate what you've done for us. But we also know that your heart is meant for something more beyond the Demon Realm. You're the last true goddess left in all the realms. You're the only remaining descendant of the ancient gods who had blessed the world. You're the last beacon of hope to the unfortunate, the healing to the weak, and the strength for the oppressed." Mo Nv took Li Susu's hands. "You are a true queen, not just of the Demon Realm, but of the world, and yet…" she gripped Susu's hands tightly, "…you can't just throw away your life like that."

"Mo Nv…" Li Susu's tears fell like the flood. "I can't abandon him…"

"Tantai Jin chose to save you, Li Susu," Mo Nv said. "You didn't abandon him, he saved you and left this world knowing that you were still in it. I don't know if he knew that Ami was also here, but I think that if he knew, he'd have been happier as he left."

Li Susu thought about the Tantai Jin that she saw in her dreams. Did you really know, or is it all in my mind?

It's not a dream if you don't want it to, Tantai Jin had told her.

But did I dream of you, or were you really with me?

The Tantai Jin in her mind smiled at her. I am both.

"Tantai Jin wouldn't want you to live this way, Li Susu," Mo Nv's voice pierced through her thoughts. "If not for yourself, then for your daughter." She stood and walked away from Li Susu, joining Ami and Si Ying in the training grounds. After watching them awhile, Li Susu stood as well, and stepped out of the Demon Palace.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Tantai Jin. Is the soup supposed to look like this?" Ye Xiwu called out from the kitchen.

Tantai Jin walked over to where Ye Xiwu was stirring the stew she had insisted she cook for him. He blinked at the lumpy blob of something that she was still stirring. "What soup, Ye Xiwu?"

Li Susu, in Ye Xiwu's body, watched as Tantai Jin took over and salvaged the stew that she had tried to make. She did read the cookbook that she bought from the market, specifically chose this recipe because it looked easy to make, but she didn't know what went wrong. "I'm sorry, Tantai Jin," she said contritely.

Tantai Jin smiled and shook his head. "You did most of the work perfectly," he said, adding a bit more salt into the stew. "It's just the ending that needs saving." He took out a spoon and scooped up some soup to taste. He dipped the spoon into the soup again and held out some soup for her to taste. "Try this."

Li Susu tasted the soup. She smiled at him. "It's perfect."

Could you have been like this, Tantai Jin? Li Susu thought as she watched Tantai Jin cook rice and make some other dishes to accompany the stew that she had tried to make. She looked down at the pearl in her hand. It shimmered slightly in the sunlight. You did say this is your Bo're dream, a life where you are nothing more than the hostage prince Tantai Jin, married to the Third Miss Ye. Would you really have loved this ordinary life, a life where there is no Devil God, no true goddess, no devils and gods?

"Ye Xiwu, help me set the table please," Tantai Jin called out amidst the steam from the pot that almost covered his face.

Li Susu smiled. "Coming!" she said, and hurried to take out the plates and the utensils.

They had a pleasant lunch together out in the pavilion, talking about a lot of things, trivial to the eavesdropper, but infinitely interesting to them both. Li Susu did not remember them talking this freely to each other when they were mortal, because she was so consumed with thoughts and plans of fulfilling her mission that she never thought about conversing about anything with Tantai Jin. Thus, she never knew that he liked reading novels and poems, and could recite lines from his favorite ones from memory. He liked drawing pictures, and sometimes she would catch him with his pencil sketching birds, trees, the villas, even sometimes faces, especially hers. If not, she would also see him doing calligraphy in the library, and his handwriting was so exquisite that he could even make the most mundane phrase look beautiful. She had to laugh aloud when she learned he knew how to cook, and teased him every chance she got about enduring the abominations she had given him to eat.

Li Susu's heart twisted in pain. Had this always been easy? Why did I never think of talking with you before?

"What do you say about a house in the countryside?" Tantai Jin asked Ye Xiwu as they enjoyed their desserts, sweet cakes with tea. "It would be nice to get away from the hectic pace of the capital, and be somewhere quiet and calm. Ideal, don't you think?"

Ye Xiwu laughed. "Don't you mean you just wish to get away from Father, Grandmother, and my brothers?"

Tantai Jin grinned. "That too."

Ye Xiwu leaned back and slowly sipped her tea. "And what kind of countryside house would it be?"

Tantai Jin smiled. "Just a simple one," he said, mirroring her and leaning back on his seat as well. "It doesn't have to be as large as the Ye Mansion, because it'll be just the two of us there. But we'll definitely need a pavilion like this, so that I can write and draw while you can practice your music." Ye Xiwu smiled at that, delight spreading all over her features. "We can go to the market to buy our own groceries, whatever you want, I can cook. Or maybe we can grow our own vegetables, I don't know. What do you think?"

Ye Xiwu smiled. "I think that's a brilliant idea."

Tantai Jin and Ye Xiwu continued to talk, but Li Susu separated herself from the dream. Tears had started to stream from her eyes, unrelenting and burning. She clutched her chest, as a stabbing pain pierced it, and a pulsing light glimmered from her hands. The pearl lit up, and suddenly she felt a warm hand touch her shoulder.

"Li Susu."

Li Susu looked up, and Tantai Jin, in the emerald robes she had bought him once upon a time, stood over her. She turned to where she left Ye Xiwu, and found her still talking to the hostage prince Tantai Jin. The Tantai Jin beside him was a remnant of the Tantai Jin who created this Bo're dream in the pearl, an echo of Tantai Jin who left her.

Tantai Jin stretched out his hand towards her. She took it, and he pulled her up to stand. "This is cruel, Tantai Jin," Li Susu said, gritting her teeth to look at him.

"So you said when you first came here," Tantai Jin replied, watching the dream Ye Xiwu and Tantai Jin impassively.

"Is this really what you wanted, Tantai Jin? A normal life, an ordinary, uneventful life?" Li Susu asked, roughly wiping away the tears from her face.

"No." Tantai Jin turned to Li Susu, and raised his hand to gently wipe away the tears that still fell from her face. He smiled softly. "I've only ever wanted to be your husband, to live quietly with you for the rest of my days, however long it would be." He gestured towards the couple who were now laughing merrily in the pavilion. "This is what my Bo're dream is, Li Susu, and it will always be with you."

The sensation of his warm hand on her cheek lingered even after the dream from the pearl dissipated.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Li Susu called Mo Nv and Ami over.

"I'm going to the immortal sects for a while," Li Susu said. "Gongye Jiwu sent me a letter inviting me over to the Hengyang Sect." She looked at Ami. "Would you be all right?"

Ami nodded. "Yes m…Mother."

Li Susu looked at Mo Nv. "I will take care of her," Mo Nv promised.

Li Susu kissed Ami's forehead. "I will be back, my love, I promise," she said, cradling Ami's head in her hands. "I'm going to come back to you whole again, so that you might have the mother you deserve." With a last glance at Ami, Li Susu disappeared.

When enough time had passed, Ami broke the silence. "Do you think Her Majesty noticed, Lady Mo Nv?" she asked quietly, staring at the place where Li Susu disappeared.

"Don't worry, Ami created the perfect image in the Mirage Pearl," Mo Nv replied. "You're all right."

Ami waved a hand, and in an instant, Ami disappeared, and a different girl stood in her place. "Do you think Lady Zimi is all right?" the girl asked Mo Nv.

Mo Nv sighed. "I can only hope she is."

Xxxxxxxxxxx