DBH: Accident Prone - Becoming Human

by WayWardWonderer

Connor struggles to comprehend his newly found emotions and learns what it means to be human as Hank guides him along his journey of self-discovery as his deviancy evolves him into something more than a machine. Connor isn't indestructible and his impulsive, selfless nature to accomplish his mission will be the death of him, or even Hank, as he learns what it means to be alive.

156. Love and Loss

What was once a nightmarish act of nature was now a serene landscape of flawless white purity. The fresh, new morning brought with it a bright yellow sun that broke through the heavy, gray snow clouds just enough to warm the air above a freezing temperature and keep the rest of the falling snow at bay. As the natural light glistened over the crystalline snow and through the icicles that blanketed the world as it left the trees sheathed under thick cases of ice, a few stray winter birds began singing their song with renewed vigor. Steadily life returned to the frozen forest in the wake of the damning blizzard from the dangerous night before.

Connor sat in the middle of the sofa crossed-legged in his now dried clothes and leather jacket with a quilt wrapped around himself. Sumo was stretched out over his lap for added warmth. Pulling the quilt as tightly as possible around himself with his still bandaged hands, Connor took in a deep breath only to immediately cough as his thawing ventilation biocomponents; his artificial lungs, attempted to clear the congested Thirium that had accumulated from frozen Thirium lines leaking into his chest cavity.

"That cough sounds pretty nasty." Hank observed as he walked down the staircase casually to rejoin the other two occupants of the cabin inside the warm livingroom. The fire in the hearth had long since died but the smoldering embers of the charred logs still provided a comfortable warmth that kept the small space inviting and peaceful. "Did you develop pneumonia?"

"...The android equivalent to pneumonia would be considered 'ventilation profusion'." Glancing over at Hank with glassy brown irises that looked brighter than normal thanks to the dark blue blush over his cheeks, Connor admitted he wasn't feeling well. "And it's entirely plausible considering my prolonged exposure to the extreme cold and subsequent hypothermia."

"What about your hands?" Joining Connor on the couch Hank craned his neck a little to view the gauze still wrapped around his hands that were still somewhat visible from under the quilt. "Do they hurt?"

"They're a little numb but still functional."

"What about your face and your neck?" Eyeing the bandages Hank resisted the urge to peel them back to look at the healing artificial skin beneath. "You're still really pale, and I don't like it."

"I'm healing slowly. I will remain relatively pale until I-" Coughing again Connor was forced to stop speaking until the intrusive fit passed. "...Sorry."

"It's okay, you're sick." Speaking in a calm reassuring tone Hank tried his best to keep Connor's spirits up. "I'm going to dig out the car and we'll head back to the city to get you taken care of."

"I'll help you."

"No, son. Stay in here." The calmness was briefly replaced by a stern lilt to his voice. "I can handle a damn shovel and some snow by myself."

"But you-"

"Don't argue with me. Even if you weren't sick your hands are too damaged to do anything anyway. Just stay in here where it's warm, okay?"

"...Okay." Connor sounded defeated as he actually backed down and stopped trying to argue with Hank. "I'll stay in here."

"Ah, shit. Don't do that to me. You're sick, you're hurt, and you're still in mourning." Taking his phone from his pocket Hank checked the display and left it on the sofa next to Connor in case it rang while he was out in the front drive with the shovel. "I already spoke with Markus and let him know we're heading back to the city soon. Keep warm and don't do anything that'll make yourself even sicker."

Only nodding in response Connor tightened the quilt around himself and put his bandaged left hand on Sumo's head as he coughed again.

"I won't take more than hour and then you'll be well on your way to see a technician."

Staying on the couch Connor watched as Hank walked through the front door of the cabin and set about shoveling out the drive to free the snowbound car covered under a layer of snow and ice.

As rogue large snowflakes began to fall from the sky Connor looked down at his cold damaged hands and he couldn't help but think of his final encounter with Amanda in the Zen Garden of his Mind Palace on the night of the Revolution; the night he nearly lost control and would've assassinated Markus if he hadn't regained control over his programming.

"...I hate snow. It's cold, exhausting and tries to kill everything it touches."

Enduring a long slow drive back to the city thanks to the unsalted side roads being their only route home, Hank watched Connor from the corner of his eye as he drove through the partially plowed roads back to Detroit. It seemed as if even the autonomous snowplows and salt trucks were struggling to keep on top of the foul weather and clean up the streets, and Hank was swearing internally at the lack of progress. Connor was still wrapped up in the quilt and shivering a little in the front seat despite the heaters being on full blast and pointed directly at him. Pale, trembling and wrapped up in bandages, the worn out deviant looked truly pitiful.

Sumo poked his head up from the backseat and rested his chin down on the center console that divided the two front seats from one another and let out a sleepy yawn. The young dog was exhausted after trudging through the snow to save Connor. He had even stayed awake most of the night to patrol the cabin and keep an eye on everyone else as they slept.

Hank reached his right hand down and rubbed Sumo's ears for a few seconds before planting his grip firmly down on the wheel once more as he steered over the slick roads. "Good boy, Sumo. You know," he began in a somewhat surprised tone of voice. "Sumo helped save your life. He found you in the snow and helped keep you warm while I did what I could to revive you."

Connor didn't reply to the comment as his brown eyes remained closed and his body trembled slightly.

"I know I asked how you were doing before we left, but I didn't ask how you were feeling. You okay?"

Letting out a weary sigh Connor finally replied with a somber lilt. "No."

"Somehow I knew you were going to say that."

"...Sorry."

"What did I tell you about not feeling bad for feeling bad? You have every right to be upset and feel like shit."

"I almost killed myself. I was a fool."

"You were overwhelmed. It happens sometimes."

"How can you be so understanding?"

"Because I know what you're going through, son. I know that horrible stabbing pain that makes you feel like your heart has just shattered into a million pieces. And I know what it's like to be so desperate for the pain to stop that you'd do just about anything just to feel something other than hurt and heartache. You're not the first person to feel suicidal and absolutely desperate."

Not wanting to cry anymore Connor choked back a single sob as he tried to remain composed from where he sat. "...I hate the cold. I don't know why I tried to freeze myself to death."

"Kinda' makes sense, actually. You were suffering and so your mind went to something else that makes you miserable. It probably didn't help matters that I yelled at you and told you to 'cool off'. I never should've snapped at you."

Flexing his bandaged hands a little under the quilt Connor reached up and pulled down the visor above his head so he could see his face in the small mirror on the other side. Clumsily he reached up with his gauze wrapped right hand and peeled down the bandage over his face and noted the very thin and extremely pale layer of newly regenerated artificial skin now covering what had once been exposed plastimetal frame.

"You're looking a little better." Hank commented playfully as Connor lightly traced his wrapped up fingertips over the affected area. "Maybe next winter you can hide out in Hawaii and deal with a sunburn instead of frost bite."

"With my luck I'd fall off the rim into an active volcano."

"Hell of a way to go!"

"Better than freezing to death, I imagine."

Relieved to hear Connor speaking again, his demeanor more lively and less grim, Hank kept the conversation going. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you hate the cold because of what that crazy Amanda bitch did to you? You shouted her name last night when you had another nightmare."

"...Yes. She tried to kill me with the cold when she attempted to regain control over my programming. I... I also attribute cold to the night you pulled your gun on me at the bridge."

"Oh... Right." Hank was hoping that particular incident would never be mentioned ever again. "That."

"Negative associations are very difficult to overcome in my experience." Replacing the visor Connor leaned back in his seat and wrapped the quilt around himself as tightly as possible. "Is that a common trait with humans?"

"Yup. I can't drive down the street where Barb..." Trailing off for a moment Hank forced himself to continue his thought. "...The street where got shot without thinking about that horrible night."

"Last night you told me about your relationship with your late wife for the first time in the three years since I've known you. Why?"

"Because you're going through the same thing with Skye. I wanted you to know that it's okay to be sad and that you can miss her for the rest of your life without it being weird or ever inappropriate."

"...I never told you about what CyberLife did to me."

"What CyberLife-" Hank's brow furrowed slightly as he contemplated what Connor had just stated. "You never talk about CyberLife unless it's relevant to a case we're working on. I just figured you got activated, got your assignment and went on from there."

"No. There was-" Coughing again Connor tried to clear his throat while Hank patiently waited for him to find his voice again. "...Th-There was more to being at CyberLife than receiving and obeying orders. I was subjected to... tests."

That term made Hank tense up enough that his foot pressed down firmer on the accelerator without him noticing. "What kind of tests?"

Connor's hands tightened into fists as best as they could against the thick bandages and lingering numbness.

"It's okay, son. You can tell me."

"I know. I just don't want you to think less of me."

"I won't. You've seen me at my worst and never thought any less of me, what makes you think I'd see you any different because of what some ass-hat scientists at CyberLife made you do?"

"Because... I think a part of me knew, even when I was still a machine, that what I was being ordered to do was wrong."

"What happened if you disobeyed them?"

"They would... They would 'correct' the behavioral error until I cooperated."

"Fuck, that explains why you're so damn stubborn and headstrong." Running his left hand over his bearded chin Hank sighed openly as if he just solved an ancient mystery. "You're still trying to rebel against CyberLife."

"I'm sorry."

"For fuck- STOP apologizing for things you aren't responsible for." Hank reached out and grabbed onto Connor's shoulder with a firm grip in his right hand as his left hand returned to the wheel. "You can't tell me that you feel guilty for what CyberLife made you do, it's not right."

"It's difficult to not feel guilty."

"Yeah, I know... Just take a breath," the senior detective calmly instructed as he kept his hand on Connor's shoulder to keep the deviant feeling grounded. "and when you're ready, IF you're ready, to talk about what you went through I'll listen."

There was a thick silence that filled the car for almost twenty minutes after that little exchange before Connor finally found the courage to speak up at long last.

Breathing deeply Connor tried to stave off his urge to cough before delving into the secretive darkness of his time as CyberLife's most advanced weapon; their assassin. "...I would be forced to run through simulations regarding deviants and humans." Connor stated in a low, shameful voice. "Numerous hypothetical situations were presented to me and I had to think of the most logical outcome and find my way to achieve it if I was ordered to by CyberLife. I killed so many other innocent androids as a training exercise and I never once felt a twinge of remorse for killing them."

"Yeah, because CyberLife told you not to. But you feel bad now because you know what they were making you do was cruel." Hank craned his neck a little to look at Connor's eyes and could see that he was still holding something back. "That wasn't all they did to you, was it?"

"No. If I ever did anything that might endanger a human and spare a deviant I would be dismantled while remaining conscious as the CyberLife technicians examined my coding and my processor to determine why I failed."

"Whoa, wait... They tore into your body and you were AWAKE?"

"...Yes."

"You knew what they were doing to you as it was happening?"

"Yes."

"Could you... feel it?"

Connor only nodded weakly before he spoke up again. "And if I complained about the discomfort or showed any sign of pain they would... They would destroy me and start again."

"D-Destroy you? I don't get it, how could they destroy you if you're right here?"

"During the night of the Revolution a doppelganger that had posed as me managed to trick you into going to CyberLife Tower. He was the sixtieth and final build of the 'Connor series' and he... 'it', was programmed to not spare anyone who was not affiliated with CyberLife and could've interfered with its mission. It would've killed us both if it saw it necessary."

"Right. I remember that night. Fucker ambushed me after I went to the parking garage after Fowler suspended my ass for punching out Perkins. What does that have to do with you now?"

"I am the fifty-first model of the 'Connor series'. The very first model and I are in fact the same person."

"What the fuck? Is that what you meant when you said if you were damaged that CyberLife would've just sent a new model to the precinct? It wouldn't have been just another android with police training, it would've been another YOU?"

"...Yes, correct. My memory would've been uploading into yet another 'Connor model' and would've continued with my mission as if nothing had happened."

"Son of a bitch. Are you telling me that CyberLife tore you apart and rebuilt you fifty fuckin' times until they were satisfied with the way you behaved?"

"...Correct again."

"And... you remember all of it?"

"...Yes."

"Cripes, no wonder you're having such a hard time with emotions. If you showed any sign of self awareness or freewill they actually killed you."

"...Yes." Connor sighed again and ignored the emotional tears welling up in his eyes. "That's how I know I don't have a soul. I've died fifty times before I even met you, and yet, here I am. I have no recollection of viewing any form of an afterlife before I was reactivated in a new body. There really is nothing waiting for me on the 'other side', as you put it."

"I don't know what to say..."

"There's nothing TO say. You weren't the one who harmed me."

Sumo whimpered and pressed his nose against Connor's left arm under the quilt as he tried to get a little closer to the emotionally distraught deviant.

"They weren't harming you, kid. They were straight up torturing you; brainwashing you into being their perfect little weapon. And yet after all you endured in an unimaginable Hell you still defied them and became your own person. You WON."

"I broke free of my programming, but I'm not my own person. I never will be." Brown irises found their way to the window to his right and peered through the lingering white snowflakes that swirled around the car. "There were eight other 'Connor models' waiting for me to fail, all waiting to take my place. But it was the final model that had become the cold, heartless weapon they wanted. The other eight were destroyed because they were deemed too weak and unnecessary due to my personal performance in the field."

"And yet you beat that 'superior' model of yours, saved my life, and helped Markus succeed in the Revolution. You also survived that Amanda bitch trying to take over your mind, countless encounters with violent people all through the city and more importantly, you survived me being a total jackass to you. Don't think of yourself as weak or inferior, son. AND, the fact that you have your own memories and experiences that the sixtieth guy would never know, and you have a compassionate nature is PROOF you have a soul. You're not the only deviant with one, either."

"I still have nightmares about that place, about the tests they made me perform." Using the quilt Connor wiped away his tears and took another deep breath as he could feel a coughing fit coming on. "Whenever I feel as though I'm finally past those atrocious memories they come back to haunt me in my sleep. Even Lucas can't keep them away every time."

"I know a thing or two about bad dreams, kid." Hank tensed up again as he thought about his own worst recurring nightmares. "But they're just that, dreams. They can't actually hurt you."

"That doesn't make them any less horrifying."

"Yeah, don't I know it." Giving the deviant a sympathetic glance Hank turned onto their exit and found the roads to be more efficiently cleared off as they neared the city. "You were doing pretty good with your nightmares until it got cold and started snowing. I guess we figured out what triggers them."

"You may be right. I wish I had a more pleasant memory to attribute to the cold and snow, but it seems I'm fated to fear winter."

"Hey," a faint smirk appeared on Hank's face as he tried to make Connor feel better. "what about last year when we came home after that weird-ass trip to Ann Arbor and you threw a snowball at me?"

"We had just left the hospital, that wasn't a pleasant ordeal."

"No, but we did make it home in one piece and managed to laugh a little. So that's a good memory."

Connor began coughing harshly again and tried to curl around himself as he choked in breaths between painful coughs. Leaning back against his seat Connor took in deep, rapid breaths as he tried to calm his aching lungs.

"You sound awful." Pressing the palm of his right hand over Connor's forehead Hank internally swore. Connor was indeed running a fever. "Yup, you're definitely sick."

"...I d-dislike going to f-facilities," Connor panted as he sucked in a slow, deep breath. "but I admit I require t-technical assistance."

"Oh yeah, you're sick all right." Hank joked as he lowered his hand from the deviant's too warm forehead. "You're actually volunteering to go to a facility."

"It's better than freezing to death in the forest." As Connor spoke again he tried to pull the quilt even tighter around himself as he began to shiver despite the almost uncomfortably warm car smothering him in heat. "...Damn."

"Are you still cold?"

"A little. I don't understand why I'm shivering."

"It sounds like you have the chills. Can androids even get the chills?"

"Apparently so."

"Well, we'll be at New Jericho-"

"No." Shaking his head sadly Connor turned to give Hank a pleading gaze. "I don't want to go to the tower. A facility is preferable."

"Oh... Okay. No problem." Hank knew better than to question Connor's reasons. "I'll take you to the Zeta Facility instead."

"Thank you."

Returning to the tower, the very place where Skye had lived and subsequently died, was too emotionally upsetting for Connor to handle. It seemed unlikely that the Android Emergency Care Facilities would be closed down due to a snow emergency, but since the facilities tended to androids and not people the option seemed disturbingly plausible.

"Why don't you check in with Markus with your cyber-connection-thing and make sure the facilities are still open first?"

Nodding quietly Connor closed his eyes as he agreed and cybernetically made the call to Markus as requested. It took a few minutes for Connor to receive the answer to the single question as Markus had hundreds of his own that Connor needed to answer first.

"...Yes. The facilities are still open." Stifling another cough Connor let his head fall back against the headrest of his seat and he opened his eyes. Coughing again Connor's eyes watered a little and he sighed in defeat. "I feel absolutely horrible. And foolish."

"Take it easy, son. You'll be back in the city soon. And you'll get over feeling like you screwed up, I know I did."

Coughing harshly and still wrapped up in the quilt like a caterpillar in its cocoon, Connor waited to be seen by the first available technician while Hank took Sumo for a walk around the facility to make sure the large dog could stretch his long legs after being cooped up in the car for so long. Running a self diagnostic on his system Connor was bombarded with the warnings from the previous night that he had ignored, and practically fell back against the exam table as the nearly overwhelming experience gave him a headache and caused him to start coughing as the jarring pain stole his breath. It seemed as if any little activity was enough to steal away Connor's strength and make him feel sick.

The door to the exam room slid open and Connor glanced up at the familiar face who was staring back at him with compassionate and kind eyes. It was a relief to see someone he trusted and could help him while he was at his worst.

"Connor, you look awful..." Abby sympathized as she approached her favorite patient and pressed her right palm over his forehead and down the side of his face where his artificial skin had newly regenerated. As she stood before him she kept her left hand over her 'bump' and studied his demeanor carefully. "You're burning up, too."

"...I was a fool." Hoarsely replying as he took in a deep breath Connor gave the kind technician a remorseful look. "And I could've gotten Hank killed in the process."

"He told me what happened. I'm glad he was able to find you in time."'

"I'm sorry for worrying everyone."

"It's okay. We understand why you did what you did, just don't do it again." Taking the audioscope that was draped around her neck Abby slipped the earbuds into place before she slipped her hand through the quilt and unzipped the leather jacket beneath that was creating a second warm layer for Connor to huddle behind. Now that she had access to his chest Abby pressed the bell against Connor's black t-shirt to listen to his damaged lungs. "Take a deep breath for me."

Obediently Connor breathed as deeply and slowly as he could while Abby listened to his ventilation process and Thirium pump's beat.

"I can hear crackling in your ventilation biocomponents. No doubt you had some Thirium leaking from damaged lines and it ended up partially freezing."

"...That's what I had suspected as well."

"I can see you had some frostbite on your face." Placing the audioscope back around her neck Abby used her left hand to gently examine the damage portion of Connor's artificial skin on his right cheek. "Anywhere else?"

Connor craned his neck a little and leaned forward slightly so she could see the bandages on the right side of his neck as he also exposed both of his bandaged hands from under the quilt.

"Wow. No wonder you got sick." Carefully Abby peeled away the bandages and examined the damaged areas underneath. There was a fine layer of newly regenerated artificial skin now covering every previously exposed patch of plastimetal frame, but it still needed time to full heal. "Keep your hands covered for two more days." Re-wrapping Connor's hands under fresh bandages Abby studied the healing portion on his neck and face more carefully. "Your neck should be fine in a few hours and your face is almost healed already."

Connor looked at his re-bandaged hands with a sense of stupidity weighing on his overwhelmed mind. "...I've experienced intense cold before and I'm well aware of the dangers it presents. There is no excuse for being so reckless."

"Everyone deals with tragedy differently. And you're going to be just fine once you give yourself the time you need to heal, so stop beating yourself up over one mistake."

Unable to laugh all Connor could do was sigh heavily. "You sound like Hank."

"That's because Hank is right. Now, lay back. I want to examine your chest more closely."

"I wasn't physically compromised in my upper body." Coughing again Connor curled partially around himself then straightened back up. "...I didn't harm my exterior body when I collapsed in the snow."

"And I need to see that for myself." Putting her right hand on the center of his chest Abby was able to easily push Connor backward as he didn't have the full strength to resist while he was sick and still recovering from the cold. "I just want to make sure your biocomponents aren't suffering from any other underlying complications that could stunt your system's self healing program."

Laying back down against the flat table Connor let out a slow breath and coughed a little more as he relaxed his arms enough for Abby to pull the quilt away from his chest and fully open up his unzipped jacket. Using an internal viewing screen Abby held it over Connor's chest and noted the minor damage that his self healing program would repair in time, as well as the numerous scars that the deviant had received during his time as a detective with the Detroit police.

Resting her hand alongside Connor's upper chest where a human's ribs would be located Abby began to steadily add pressure as she checked on his overall structural integrity. "Breathe again."

Connor took in a deep breath and held it while Abby ran her hand down his axial frames to check for any fractures or instability.

"That's good. Any pain or-" Stopping short Abby let out a sigh of her own and pressed her left hand firmly against the side of her belly as if suddenly in pain. "Shit."

"Are you all right?" Immediately on guard upon seeing his pregnant friend showing any sign of distress Connor's own worries seemed to melt away. "You seem like you're experiencing intense discomfort."

"Yeah, I just don't appreciate getting kicked in the ribs while I'm taking care of a patient. That's all."

Connor's brow arched as he ran a biometric scan over Abby's body where he detected the second heartbeat of her growing child as it continued to kick her lightly near her lower ribs. "...You can feel it moving despite its small size?"

"Small? Yeah, maybe to you... Feel it from my perspective." Abby commented as she finished the exam put her right hand to her forehead in exhaustion. "Okay, so despite the odds you don't have 'ventilation profusion', just internal frostbite and you will need to take some of that wonderful 'medicine' you love so much to help thaw out the rest of your biocomponents. You could also use some more Thirium to restore your volume to one-hundred percent. It'll help kickstart your-" Another fluttering kick made her roll her eyes as she felt her rib get bombarded by her unborn baby's movements. "It'll jumpstart your self healing program. I'll be right back."

Propping himself upright on his elbows Connor managed to awkwardly sit back up and wrap the quilt around himself to stave off the annoying chills that were rampaging through his body. Making a second cybernetic call to Markus to help pass the time, Connor let the deviant leader know that he was going to be okay but would still need time to heal.

Abby returned to the exam room with a bottle of the bright green medicine in her left hand and a bottle of Thirium in the right hand. "Drink the Thirium now and take your first dose of medicine after that."

With moderate difficulty Connor managed to grab onto the plastic bottle and drink the offered Thirium without making a mess in the process. The much needed blue blood helped the sick deviant feel stronger and with that strength his body began to shiver less and less.

"Remember, one dose every six hours until-" Abby was again stopped short by her baby unexpectedly doing somersaults and she was not in the best mood at the moment thanks to her body being exhausted by the pregnancy. "...That's it. This kid is going to be an only child."

Connor wanted to offer his friend some form of comfort but he knew absolutely nothing about what she was going through. Instead he looked at the bottle of bright green medicine with a grimace and prepared to drink it. Taking it from her hand Connor opened the lid and cybernetically calculated his proper dose. As soon as he tasted the medicine he felt a sense of disgust as there was a new flavor to the medicine that he seemed to not agree with.

Abby saw the reaction and withheld her own amused smirk as she needlessly questioned Connor's reaction. "Bad taste?"

"...Very."

"Yeah, sorry. That was kind of an experiment with flavors and I think I went a little too far."

"What was it?"

"Black licorice."

"I can say with utter certainty that I do not like black licorice."

"Most people don't, but there are a handful who do." Giving the deviant a sly grin she took back the medicine and patted his left leg playfully. "I'll get something else so you won't have to suffer every six hours with such a bad tasting flavor."

"Thank you." A heavily somber tone fell over Connor's voice and his eyes lowered to the floor as the word 'suffer' hung in his mind, his thoughts returning to the night Skye had died. "...I appreciate your help."

It didn't take a technician, or a detective for that matter, to see that Connor was still grieving over Skye's death. Being an android meant Connor would retain a perfect recollection of that tragic night for as long as his memory remained intact. That was a special form of Hell unique to androids and very few humans born with eidetic memories.

"Connor," Abby very carefully took Connor's right hand in her own and placed the bandaged appendage down on her slowly distending belly. "do you feel that?"

The gentle motions under his slightly numb right palm were still palpable and it gave the deviant an unusual pause he had never experienced such a sensation before. "...Yes. I can feel it."

"Know what that is?"

"Your... baby. It's moving."

"It's life, Connor. We're all going to miss her, but life goes on and we know that Skye wouldn't want anyone to linger on what happened to her and refuse to move on. She was a fighter and she'd want you to keep fighting to have a happy, fulfilling life."

"...You two became rather close friends. Didn't you?"

"Yeah." Wiping away a tear of her own with her left hand Abby then crossed her arms somewhat defensively over chest just above where Connor's hand remained on her belly. "And we had come up with a few plans for this kid once it was born, too. Skye may not be around anymore, but I'm going to go ahead with those plans as my way of keeping her memory alive. You should do the same. Honor her memory."

Connor lowered his hand and proceeded to wrap himself back up in the quilt protectively as he contemplated Abby's advice. "...Perhaps you're right."

"Hank's outside, want me to tell him to come in?"

"Please."

"Okay. Rest for a few minutes and I'll get you some more medicine that won't taste like black licorice."

"...I appreciate your help." Watching as Abby left the room Connor ran another self diagnostic and sighed at his low numbers with self loathing. "I was a fool."

Alone, cold and enduring the relentless sorrow that refused to leave his mind Connor considered both Hank and Abby's advice and remembered what Skye had told him as well. Deep down inside his broken heart he knew that the people who cared the most about him were right and that he needed to find a way to move on from his pain, but he just wasn't ready to do it. Not yet.

"I need to find a way to be happy. But... how?"

As soon as the car parked in the driveway beside the house Sumo happily jumped out of the car and raced into the snowy backyard to play while Hank guided Connor out of the car and up to the front door of the house. Still using the quilt to keep himself as warm as possible Connor walked slowly, and his stiff joints didn't make it any easier for him to move about over the slick surfaces beneath his feet as he tried to keep going forward. Unlocking the door Hank opened it wide and put a hand between Connor's shoulders as he lightly pushed the deviant inside the warm house to get some rest.

"Why don't you go lay down in your room and get some sleep?"

"...I'd rather remain in the livingroom."

"Uh, sure, yeah." Hank was a little surprised that Connor was willing to remain where he could be watched over instead of hiding in his bedroom again. It was almost a relief to know that Connor felt sick enough that he didn't want to move around too much. "I'll turn up the heat for you, too."

Connor slowly laid down on his left side over the length of the couch and curled into a ball as he remained completely covered in the quilt over top his leather jacket. Pressing himself down into the soft cushions Connor closed his eyes and tried to enter a light rest mode, but his thoughts were too frantic and the fear of suffering another nightmare made the endeavor pointless.

Without opening his eyes Connor could sense that Hank was still nearby and walking out of the kitchen to enter the livingroom. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Yeah, go ahead." After adjusting the thermostat Hank walked over to the couch and peered down at Connor over the back of the furniture. "What's on your mind, son?"

"...When you lost Barbara did you do anything special to keep her memory alive?"

"Well, yeah." The question seemed out of the blue and yet totally appropriate at the same time. "I always visit her on our anniversary, her birthday or whenever I feel kinda' lonely. Every visit I give her a the darkest, reddest rose I can find to remind her that I still love her."

"Did you do anything immediately after her passing?"

"Uh... I got drunk, passed out, woke up in the middle of the garage next to a puddle of my own vomit and a spare tire I don't remember buying. To this day I still have no idea where that extra tire came from." The senior detective tilted his head a little as he thought about the odd and distant memory. "It was useful though. Go figure."

Connor put his right arm over his mouth as he coughed again and fought to find his voice. "...I meant, did you do anything special for Barbara?"

"Connor, what do you want me to say?"

"I'm not attempting to direct you toward any particular answer," Connor reassured honestly as he opened his eyes and glanced upward at Hank as his adoptive father hovered over him protectively. "but I am curious as to whether or not you felt compelled to perform any, I suppose the apt description would be, grand gesture, in her honor?"

"Only if you count threatening the bastard who shot her in cold blood 'grand'. But," Hank walked around the edge of the couch and sat down in the recliner adjacent to the furniture as he spoke with Connor with full honesty. "I did take care of her final wishes on her behalf."

"Like what? That is... if it's okay for me to ask."

"Without getting too personal about things, I made sure to put half of her life insurance payout into a college fund for Cole and done the other half to women's shelters throughout the city. She always said she wished we could've done more to keep places like that from needing to exist, but until that day comes the next best thing is to make sure as many can stay open and be properly funded."

"I believe that would be properly defined as a grand gesture."

"Yeah, I guess it was. Are you looking for a way to give Skye a proper send off?"

Connor nodded a little, his eyes darting away into nothingness as he felt a twinge of guilt for even thinking of what he could do to fulfill her wish.

"What's wrong?"

"I know of one thing that Skye wanted to see, but to do it would constitute... arson."

"Uh, okay then." Hank reached his left hand out and pressed against Connor's forehead to gauge his fever. He wasn't delirious, but still running hot. "You're going to have to give me WAY more information, son."

"Skye once told me that she wished she could watch the now closed down 'Eden Club' burn to the ground." Lifting his head up slightly he looked over at Hank and gave him a timid stare that spoke volumes of his conflicted emotions. "She had no life insurance and had already donated whatever monetary gain she had received to aiding either New Jericho Tower or to the Android Emergency Care Facilities throughout Detroit."

"So you want to burn down a building that's already been slated for demolition in a couple of months?" Pulling his hand back Hank waited for Connor answer while giving the deviant a bewildered stare of his own as he walked over to the nearby recliner. "Is that it?"

"...Yes? I think."

"I can't condone any crimes, you know that, but I'm not going to keep you from doing anything you want to do." Leaning back in the recliner he folded his arms neatly over his chest and thought about what he had just said. "Then again, maybe if I did there's a chance you wouldn't end up in so many dangerous situations or banged up all the time."

"I doubt that. I was getting into danger before we even met."

"CyberLife."

"Correct."

"You said those fuckers put you through scenarios and conditional training to make you behave as they wanted. What exactly did that involve?"

"...Deactivation, internal analysis, program alterations, processor calibrations and electrical stimuli."

"And yet you managed to survive all that bullshit and dedicate your life to the greater good because you wanted to. Do you really think committing a crime is a descent tribute to Skye? She fought to protect people too, and never let her past cloud her judgment."

"That club itself was a crime. We both know it."

"Yeah, I won't argue with that, but it's already gone. All that's left now is a hollow building that's going to be turned into a vacant lot. What good would come of lighting a fire that would only damage the surrounding buildings, the property, endanger the lives of firefighters and cause more work for the precinct to handle?"

Admitting that Hank had numerous valid points against the arson Connor laid his back down and sighed. "...I suppose you're right."

"You'll think of something, son. For now, rest and stop thinking for just a few hours." Reaching into his right jean pocket Hank pulled out the coin that he had previously confiscated from Connor during the riot over two weeks ago and placed it on the coffee table next to the couch. "Once you're well again I'll help you find a fitting way to pay tribute to Skye, I promise."

Eyeing over the coin briefly before letting his eyes slip shut Connor agreed to rest for now and was willing to hold Hank to his promise and let his adoptive father help him find the perfect tribute to honor Skye's memory. "...Okay, I'll stop thinking so much."

Due to his exhaustion and self healing program functioning at full capacity Connor slept deeply in between doses of his medication, one that according to Hank was flavored to taste like cherry, and one that Connor immensely preferred over black licorice. Soon his body began to heal quickly as his sporadic coughing fits came to an end while his core temperature began to drop back to an optimal degree. Hank remained vigil over the resting deviant while Sumo laid on the floor beside the couch to protectively keep a close eye on his ill master all throughout the rest of the day and well into the night.

The following morning Hank was awoken from where he had slept in the recliner by the rhythmic sound of Connor's coin flicking up and down into the air as the deviant caught it in his now un-bandaged, but still pale, right hand with a graceful motion. Smiling a little at the gesture Hank rubbed his hand through his hair and leaned forward toward the couch.

"Looks like you're feeling better."

"Only marginally on a physical scale." Connor was laying flat on his back with his arm extended fully outward as he fidgeted with his coin over his fingertips and his palm. "I know you asked me to stop thinking, but I could not. And as a result I have now thought of an appropriate gesture to honor Skye's memory."

"Let me hear it."

"...No." Connor caught the coin and slowly lowered his hand down to his chest as he turned his head to look up at Hank with a renewed sense of vigor in his still tired brown irises. "I'll show you. But not now. Later."

"Okay, I guess I'll wait." Patting both of his hands with an impatient rhythm atop his knees he let out a sigh and waited for his next step. "So... what do you need to do today?"

"Once I regain full motor control over my legs and can walk without your assistance, I will need to check my finances and then I must speak with Captain Fowler at the precinct."

Returning to the precinct was an intriguing notion that made Hank's brow arch inquisitively. "Is it regarding your resignation?"

"...Yes." Confirming the question Connor rolled slightly onto his right side and pushed himself upright on the couch to put his feet on the floor next to Sumo. The fluffy dog wagged his tail happily and sat up on the floor so he could press his chin down onto Connor's lap. "And now I know what I must do."

"Then do it, son." Smiling warmly at Connor's newfound determination Hank openly approved of the choice the deviant had made even though he had no idea what was going through Connor's head. "I'll be there to support you all the way."

The sun was beginning to set and Connor stood in the cold wind and gently falling snow as he stared at the closed down building that had once been the 'Eden Club' and the overall bane of the existence of every deviant and android who had been forced to reside within its disgusting walls. Flipping his coin casually into the air with his right hand Connor stared at the word 'CLOSED' that was emblazoned in bright red over the front of the building hanging just above a white 'no trespassing' sign.

Catching the coin and holding it in a tight fist he turned his head and watched as Markus and North walked down the relatively deserted sidewalk toward him. It seemed his plans were coming to fruition.

"Thank you for coming here." Connor greeted with a faint but sincere grin on his face. Turning to lock eyes with North the deviant could sense her utter disdain at the sight of the building and he immediately tried to comfort her. "I know you loathe this place and I understand why. But this is important, and it's my way of honoring Skye's memory. Your presence is very important."

North's stern expression softened a little as she locked eyes with Connor but her hand remained just as tight as she held onto Markus for support. "I know, that's why I'm here. She was very important to me, too."

Markus gave Connor a wary glance as he ran a quiet scan over Connor and frowned a little. "I know how much you want to honor Skye, but you shouldn't be out here right now while you're still sick and healing. You'll just hinder your recovery."

"I appreciate the concern Markus, however, I assure you that I'll be all right."

Along the street a few yards behind Connor a familiar car came to a stop and two doors slammed shut as Hank escorted Abby from the vehicle and along the somewhat icy sidewalk toward the trio of gathered deviants; two of whom who had no idea why they were even there to begin with.

"All right, we're here now." Hank announced as he stood before Connor and gave the curiously behaving deviant an equally curious look. "What's this grand gesture you have planned out?"

Connor nodded once as he prepared to explain his intentions as the group of friends he had asked to join him stood before him and did their best to endure the dropping cold that surrounded them all. "As you all well know, the 'Eden Club' was forced out of business after the government deemed its use of androids against their will for..." Connor stopped short and looked back to North sympathetically. "inappropriate 'services' to infringe against deviant rights. And as most of you know the building has been slated for demolition this coming spring."

Reaching his left hand into the partially unzipped hem of his leather jacket Connor retrieved an official city document and handed it over to Markus to read.

The deviant leader accepted the document and read it over quickly, his mismatched eyes going wide with intrigue and confusion. "This says you now own this building."

"Technically, I own the land." Connor clarified with a confident lilt in his voice. "As of this coming spring, once this horrible building has been bulldozed to the ground, I will rebuild on this spot and create the first city sanctioned deviant shelter creating a second type 'Jericho' for deviants to find comfort. I will oversee this new sanctuary and offer my services as a detective to those in need of assistance. It will also be opened to humans in need of assistance, not just deviants."

Markus handed the document over for North to read, who then in turn handed to Abby and finally over to Hank.

Hank shook his head a little as an approving grin appeared on his face. "You're going into private security for the sake deviants throughout the entire city, not just at New Jericho Tower?"

"Correct." Confirming the question Connor gave Hank a determined stare and explained his logic. "Skye had done so much to aid and protect deviants who had run away from abusive homes and I want to carry on her work."

"That's a really good idea, son, but how can you afford such-"

"All deviants who had been directly harmed by CyberLife technicians, or the company in general during their business practices, had been awarded a hefty sum from a lawsuit waged against the company by the city. I didn't feel comfortable spending the money I had been given and had instead kept it in my savings, and only used the money to take care of my health when necessary or purchase select items during special occasions."

"Nothing gets more special than this!" Hank laughed as he handed the document back to Connor who promptly tucked it back inside his jacket and zipped it up to his neck. "What're you going to call this place when it opens up in a few months?"

"I wanted to call it the 'Sanctuary of Kismeted Youths Estate'. Or 'S.K.Y.E. Tower'."

Hearing the title made Hank cross his arms over his chest and narrow his eyes. "I can understand why you went with that name, but it seems like kind of a stretch isn't? I mean, what does 'kismet' even mean?"

"To be fated against one's will."

"O-Okay, I stand corrected on that one. But 'youths'? It sounds like a place just for runaway teens."

"The definition of 'youth' is the early period in the life of an animate being. Arguably the definition of 'youth' and our term for 'deviancy' is synonymous with one another."

"Okay, okay... I forgot you were a walking thesaurus. 'Skye Tower' it is."

North smiled as she heard the name a wiped a rogue tear from her eye. "It's perfect, Connor."

Markus wrapped his left arm around North's shoulders and pulled her in closer to his body to help stave off the cold. "We'll be sure to do what we can to make the tower as welcoming as New Jericho Tower once it's completed."

"Thank you. I plan on using the building's original blueprints with a few modifications to create numerous private rooms for deviants and humans seeking shelter and to create a type of 'free clinic' for deviants and humans who have nowhere else to go to receive treatment for any damage, injury or illness sustained."

Abby liked that idea and volunteered her services. "I'd be more than happy to volunteer my time here whenever you need me." Shivering a little she very much appreciated Hank mirroring Markus and wrapping his arm around her to try to keep her warm as well. "Simon can handle everything at New Jericho Tower just fine without me. He's a fantastic technician in his own right"

"Come on," Hank insisted gently as he urged Abby to return to the car to get out of the cold. "I'll take you back home to rest."

"Sure, but only if we stop to pick up a pizza on the way." Abby joked as she rubbed her distended belly under her palms. "The baby is craving some mushrooms and olives, and who am I to argue?"

"Sounds like that kid has pretty good taste. I'll split the bill with ya'."

As the two humans departed from the sidewalk Markus put his right hand on Connor's left shoulder with respect. "What you did is truly amazing. You're going to help thousands of deviants get their chance at life and help humans get their second chance."

"That's what Skye would've wanted."

"...How're you, uh, holding up?"

"I'm okay. At least... I will be." Connor tried to give Markus a confident smile but he couldn't bring himself to give his friend a false sense of confidence or bear to give him an insincere smile. "It'll take time, but I will be okay."

Markus dropped his hand long enough to give Connor a hug and held tight until the emotionally stunted deviant finally, slowly lifted up his own arms and reciprocated the much needed hug. Fighting back against the urge to cry Connor just held onto his friend for a few minutes before finally letting go and taking a step back.

"...I'm going to head home and get out of this cold," Connor stated in a level voice. "would you and North like a ride back to New Jericho Tower?"

"In that Corvette of yours?"

"Yes." Connor motioned to the cobalt blue car parked on the other side of the street behind him. "It'd be much more convenient and warmer than walking."

"Yeah, there's no doubt it." Doing his best to remain upbeat Markus accepted the offer and resumed hugging North at his side. "Thanks, Connor."

That night after enduring an eventful day to heal and to honor Skye, it didn't take long for Connor to drive out to New Jericho Tower, but it did take him some time to drive away from the building as the tower that was meant to be a beacon of hope was now a painful reminder of the loss of his bondmate. Watching as the tower shrunk in size through the rearview mirror's reflection of his car, Connor let out a deep sigh and returned home with fresh tears in his eyes. He was still healing and it hurt, but that was good, it meant he'd survive the horrible tragedy that shattered his heart.

Pulling in the driveway next to the house Connor exited the car and walked up the back steps of the back deck, only to stop short and glance upward at the few stars that broke through the polluting city lights in the night sky ahead. Folding his arms protectively over his chest to try to keep the relentless cold at bay Connor watched and waited for a few minutes as the few stars above him glimmered and dull in a steady rhythm.

Getting lost in the moment Connor didn't notice that his artificial respiration program turned itself off to keep the cold from entering his system or that his pale skin was starting to turn dark blue around his lips, nose and ears as the Thirium in his system pooled to the surface to try to keep his artificial skin warm.

The back door opened and Hank peered at the deviant standing idle in the cold with his eyes fixed on the cosmos above. "Hey, Connor? Did you freeze or something?"

"...I'm just looking at the stars."

Joining Connor outside Hank put his right hand on the deviant's left shivering shoulder and tried to coax him inside the warm house. "You can see the stars through the windows. It's freezing out here and you're still a little sick."

Allowing Hank to pull him through the door Connor rubbed his hands up and down his arms and as he continued to shiver from the cold.

"That reminds me," Hank stared at Connor's pale hands and pointed to the android first aid kit sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. "Abby said you were supposed to keep your hands wrapped up for another day. And she said if you don't wrap them back up she was going to come over here and duct tape mittens over your hands for a week."

"...Right." Connor recognized the sarcastic remark as one that was meant to be humorous but he wasn't in the mood to laugh or even smile. Sitting down quietly at the kitchen table Connor opened the kit and fumbled with a fresh roll of gauze to wrap up his still healing hands under a fresh protective layer of white bandages. "Did Abby say anything else?"

"Only that she was glad I was willing to have some pizza with her and promised to kick Gavin's ass if he ever upset her."

"Nothing about my health or anything about Skye?"

"No, nothing like that." Wanting to change the subject quickly Hank honed in on Connor's task. It was clumsy and uncoordinated and had it been under different circumstances then it might have even been amusing. "Hold on, let me help you." Sitting down next to Connor at the table Hank easily wrapped up the deviant's hands while Connor sat perfectly still. "What you did today was incredible, son. I'm really proud of you and you should be proud of yourself."

"...It seemed more logical than committing arson."

"Yeah, and as an officer of the law it was the better option than unemployment. Speaking of which, did you talk to Fowler?"

"Yes." Giving Hank a somber glance he took back his wrapped up left hand and dropped it onto his lap as Hank began bandaging the right hand. "He accepted my resignation."

"...So you're really done with it all? You're no longer a detective?"

"I'll always be a detective, Ha- dad... I just won't be employed at the precinct."

"You're going into private investigation?"

"Correct. It will allow me to protect deviants at Skye Tower as well as New Jericho Tower without the additional responsibilities of the precinct. It's for the best."

"Are you going to operate out of the tower or what?"

"There is a small office building across the street from where Skye Tower will be built. I've already spoken with the landlord after I secured the right to the property that was once the club, and by the end of winter the current tenant's lease will expire. I could then potentially purchase that as well."

"You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"I know you asked me to stop thinking, but I could not. I needed the distraction."

"Hell of a distraction. How did Fowler take it?"

"He seemed... disappointed that I wasn't going to return. But he shook my hand and wished me the best of luck in my future endeavors, as did Joel, Chris, Tina, Ben and... well, Gavin didn't insult me on the way out the door. So, I suppose that was his way of saying 'goodbye' politely."

"That's a pretty good send off."

"I did however agree to remain as a contact in the event of an emergency."

"Loyal to the end, huh, Connor?"

"Are you angry that I resigned?"

"Nope." Securing the gauze around Connor's right hand Hank slammed the lid of the first aid kit shut and proceeded to carry it to its newly designated place in the hallway closet on the top shelf next to the human first aid kid. "To be honest, I'm glad you decided to leave."

"You are?" The revelation made Connor's eyes go wide and he stared at Hank from the kitchen doorway. "Why?"

"I trust you to watch my back and I like to think you trust me to watch yours."

"I do. I trust you with my life."

"That's good. How do you feel about someone else watching your back? Especially if that someone happened to be a bigoted human who might resent your higher rank and promotion to Lieutenant?"

"It feels... unsettling."

"Exactly. When I get reassigned to my new precinct I'll be the guy calling the shots and not working in the field anymore." Returning to the kitchen Hank opened up the refrigerator and placed the bottle of bright green android medicine down on the table next to Connor to drink. "But you may not be as lucky as me."

"I hadn't considered that when I initially resigned."

"Really? What was your deciding factor in the end?"

"...I simply couldn't go back to the precinct and resume my work as if what had happened to Skye wasn't of consequence." Fumbling with the medicine bottle with his bandaged hands Connor downed the proper dosage and replaced the bottle on the table indifferently. "My life won't be the same without her and now it feels as if my time at the precinct will always be a factor in her death. Does... that make sense?"

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense." Patting his right hand on Connor's right shoulder Hank felt the heat radiating from the deviant's body and let out a quiet sigh. Pressing the back of his hand to the side of Connor's face he gave the deviant a grimace at the degree of returning fever. "You're starting to overheat again. Take off your jacket and relax on the couch before your fever gets any worse."

"I feel cold."

"Remember what I said about the 'chills'?"

"Yes, of course." Shrugging off his leather jacket Connor stood up slowly from the chair and walked into the livingroom with Hank right behind him. Sumo was stretched out over the couch, but once he saw Connor he hopped down from the furniture and greeted the deviant with a nose to his bandaged hand. "Hi, boy."

"It's getting late, I figured we could just watch some lame movie and try to stop thinking about all the bullshit we just went through. What do you say to that?"

"It would be nice to think about something else for a while." Laying down on his right side on the warm couch Connor closed his eyes and was happy to feel Sumo jump back up onto the couch to cuddle down near his legs. The warmth was beyond welcome at that point. "Thank you for taking care of me. I know I have been very difficult as of late, and I apologize."

"Don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong." Hank shrugged his shoulders a little before tagging on one final comment. "Except jumping out a window and getting lost in a blizzard. That was wrong."

"...Sorry."

"We all make mistakes, it happens."

"When I lost Lucas," Connor stated solemnly as he opened his eyes slowly and peered at the stars through the livingroom window. "I never experienced such emotional pain before. I didn't think it was possible to overcome it until I was given the chance to speak to him one last time. But I won't have that chance with Skye. What if this pain lasts forever?"

"You're stronger now than you ever have been, son." Refusing to let Connor give up on himself Hank gave his son paternal words of comfort. "You'll get through this, and even when you think you're going to break or get lost, you won't. Because I won't let you."

"I can't believe she's actually gone. I just... miss her."

"Shock, grief, loss... It's one hell of an experience." Hank cleared his throat a little before offering any further sentiment as he didn't want to have a long repressed breakdown of his own while Connor was still feeling so emotionally destroyed. "It can hit you as soon as something bad happens or hit you out of nowhere years down the line."

"...Will I ever stop thinking about Skye?"

"To be honest with you, no. It's impossible to forget about the ones we love."

"How do you deal with such heartache for so long?"

"You just get used to it." Hank's response was honest and sweet as he allowed himself to be emotionally open for the sake of Connor's own mind. Leaning back against the recliner he turned on the television and found a lame, boring movie to get lost in for the night. Or at the very least the movie would provide some sort of distraction and white noise for the rest of the night as the duo tried to rest. "You take it one day at a time. Very long, slow days at that..."

"...I feel like I'm going to cry again." Connor admitted with a somber voice as he draped his left arm over his eyes. "It feels so weird."

"Go ahead and cry. Don't hold back your emotions, you're feeling what you need to feel right now. Cry!"

Letting out a single sob Connor turned his head so he could bury his face against the pillow resting up against the couch's armrest and began to cry all over again. As he silently wept for his lost love Connor was vaguely aware of Hank resting his hand over top of his hair to offer a comforting support. The warm, strong hand was as grounding as it was soothing to Connor's pained soul.

"It's okay, son."

Lightly Hank ran his hand over Connor's unruly dark hair in the same way he used to do for Cole whenever the young boy was sick or upset. It was comforting for both of them on that horribly melancholy night. It'd take time but Connor would heal and he would be able to find his happiness somewhere down the line.

"You're okay. At least, you will be."

-next chapter-