A/N: In light of recent (or not so recent at this point) events in the fandom concerning Four and his portrayal, I feel it's more important than ever to make my intentions with this story clear. Obviously, this story does not adhere to canon, since Jojo has elected not to portray Four with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). I respect this decision and think it was a smart one considering how complex and misrepresented DID is. It is not a label creators should just casually throw on a character. I think the way Jojo has decided to portray Four's character is interesting, and also really relatable–at least for me. I enjoy it a lot and will adhere to it while reading the comic–and possibly when writing certain fics in the future. But rest assured it is not changing this story.
So why the author's note? Because in this story Four has DID, and that isn't a condition I assign lightly. The last thing I want to do is romanticize the disorder, offend anyone, or add to the stigma surrounding Dissociative Identity Disorder. I was actually inspired to write this story because I was so appalled by the injustice systems face because of the awful representations of DID the media promotes. I wanted to do what I could to help spread positive awareness, and being a writer, I figured what better way is there for me to do that than to write?
Of course, since the disorder is so heavily stigmatized, and I don't have it myself, writing about it is something I take great care with. Not only because I want to respect those who do have it, but also because I want to correctly educate those who don't.
That being said, Dissociative Identity Disorder is more than just multiple people sharing one body. At its core, it is a dissociative disorder caused by repeated trauma in childhood before the ages of 6-9. Other factors that contribute to its development are unstable attachment to caregivers and a predisposition to dissociation. DID cannot be developed as an adult.
Similarly, it cannot be developed by pulling a magic sword out of a stone. So in this case with Four, the Four Sword is not the reason they are a system. They were a system before they ever drew the sword. Of course, since this is The Legend of Zelda and the world is very much magic and medieval times, DID is not a condition I believe would be well-known or even researched. This ultimately means Four is an unreliable narrator, at least on a clinical level. They believe it was the Four Sword that caused them to "split" (I put split in quotation marks because the formation of DID doesn't involve any splitting), but in reality that wasn't the case at all.
All the Four Sword did, as far as I've logistically figured, is make all the alters aware of each other. It sort of kick-started their communication and dissolved some of the amnesia barriers that stood between them all. Once they put the sword back and returned to one body, they were all aware of each other in a way they weren't before.
I'd also like to reiterate that I do not have DID myself. Since I do not have the experience to write about it, I have done extensive research in order to portray a character with DID as accurately as possible. Even so, I in no way claim to know everything about living with DID. I am bound to make mistakes and get things wrong. I am only human, after all.
If you are a system and read something in this story that makes you cringe or go, "That's not how it works at all! That's so unrealistic." Please, please, please let me know! Leave a comment or DM me so that I can fix it. You do have a voice, and I would be honored and delighted to hear it. I am always open to feedback and constructive criticism.
At the end of the day, is this fanfiction? Yes. But I don't think that's any excuse to not approach sensitive topics responsibly. I want "Colors" to be fun to read, but also accurate and educational when it comes to the scientific/mental health side of it. I do my best to be careful and mindful, but lately I have been extra scared I've missed something and accidentally hurt someone without meaning to. Because of this, I've found myself shying away from writing this story, which makes me sad because it is such a big project of mine, and I know a lot of people love it as much, or maybe even more, than I do.
The only way I see of reassuring myself I'm not hurting anyone is to be more proactive in voicing my intentions and providing links to pages that I've gotten information on DID from in order to help me write this story.
I will be putting a selection of resources I found helpful in the end notes of this chapter. I will also be going back and adding resources specific to each chapter in those chapters' end notes, so feel free to go back and check them out if you'd like.
Without further ado, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
~Hylia
Chapter 15
"Yah!" Hot water splashed across his face, and Red flinched. He reached up to wipe the moisture away, belatedly realizing when his wet hand met his cheek that the gesture was useless.
Oh. He let his hand plop back into the steaming water that lapped at his bare shoulders. That's right.
They were in a hot spring. Slowly, the hazy memories trickled back to him. He vaguely remembered leaving the graveyard, though he couldn't say if someone had come and fetched them or if they had returned to the village proper of their own volition.
One of the others had booked rooms at the Elde Inn—Green had been especially tickled by the name. An inn named Elde Inn in the Eld in Province! It's genius! If you say so .
The hot springs were complimentary to guests, and Time encouraged them to join everyone else in melting the stress away. And the dirt. None of them had had a proper bath in a while thanks to the portals.
So of course they—he?—had agreed. Red loved baths, especially hot ones. They were soothing, like a warm hug, and the best ones were hot enough to knead pleasant chills up and down his spine.
Yet, for some reason, he could barely feel the warmth of this spring. It was definitely hot. He could see the steam wafting up from the water. Could smell the faint hint of sulfur that accompanied most hot springs. He could even feel the humidity as it opened up his pores.
No, nothing was wrong with the spring. It was perfect. A little slice of heaven.
It was him that was wrong. Him that was not as he should be.
Wind must have sensed as much because he swam closer, settling on the submerged ledge beside Red. "What's wrong?"
What wasn't wrong? Warrior hated them. Legend hated them. Wild and Hyrule probably hated them because they were missing from the spring, too. And that was only outside .
Inside, they were just as divided. Blue and Vio were at each other's throats, visceral hatred sparking between them like lightning. Green was alone elsewhere and no better for it, and Shadow was still far, far out of reach.
Their disconnect numbed the body with an iciness not even Death Mountain could melt. Red would have shivered if he wasn't already up to his neck in hot water.
Like so long ago, Shadow had created a rift amongst their group, only this time it wasn't on purpose. This time Shadow wasn't even aware of what his fear-driven actions had done. Yet, he was being painted as the bad guy and blamed for everything.
It wasn't fair.
Shadow wasn't bad, just hurt. Actually, if Vio was right about Shadow splitting off of him, then his entire existence so far had been nothing but hurt. He didn't deserve any more. He deserved to heal. To feel safe and loved and supported.
Red desperately wanted to be that for him.
But he couldn't even be that for Blue, Green, and Vio. Gradually his hold on keeping the four of them together had slipped. He hadn't noticed it at first, too quick to tug the fraying threads back into place. But they had been wrenched out of his hands all at once when he least expected it, and now he was left scrambling to recollect them.
It was like chasing three separate balls of yarn down a steep hill. Just as he caught up to one and snatched it from the ground, it jumped out of his hands. Then he was half-running, half stumbling downhill again, trying to at least catch the quickly unfurling line but that, too, slipped through his fingers.
And eventually he slipped as well. The balls of yarn didn't wait for him. Their dizzying momentum carried them on and on, while he lay there. Out of breath. Out of energy. Out of hope that he'd ever catch up before those he was supposed to care for and protect unraveled completely.
But that was all too much to put on Wind, so he shrugged and sank up to his chin in the water. There was a lethargy in his limbs he didn't like, a tugging at his eyes that spoke of more than just regular exhaustion.
"Is it about what Warrior and Legend said?" Wind guessed. "'Cause if it is…just ignore them. They're stupid and don't know anything."
Red wouldn't call them stupid. Overly cautious, maybe. Traumatized by their adventures, definitely. But then, who wasn't?
He didn't want to disagree with Wind's interpretation, though. Disagreement led to arguments, which led to ire, which inevitably led to hatred. Red didn't think he could handle any more of that.
"For what it's worth, I'm not afraid of you guys," Wind announced. As if to prove it, the sailor pressed closer so he could knock Red's shoulder gently with his own.
With more effort than it should have taken, Red peeked over at Wind and was treated to one of Wind's signature sunshine smiles.
"I think it's cool you guys have your old friend back and nothing can take him away again. He is here for good, right?"
"I think so."
"Awesome!"
A wan ghost of a smile touched his lips. "I wish Green had your enthusiasm. Blue too."
Wind tilted his head to the side. "They don't like Shadow?"
"Not really."
Wind harrumphed at that, sinking deeper into the water alongside him. "They'll get used to it. So will Warrior and Legend, once they get over themselves."
"That's right," Twi spoke up from across the spring. Time and Sky flanked him on either side. The latter appeared to be fast asleep. "The others will adjust."
"How can you be so sure?" Red frowned at his gently rippling reflection. The others seemed unwavering in their stance, nothing at all like water…
Wind shrugged and the motion slid against Red's right arm. "New things can be scary at first but eventually they stop being new. Then they usually stop being scary too."
"Those are some wise words, Wind," Time intoned with what Red thought might be pride coloring the edges.
"I can't let you hog all of them, Old Man!" Wind quipped good-naturedly.
Time chuckled. "I never claimed to be wise."
"Ah, but wisdom comes with age," Twi added sagely and Wind popped out of the water a bit to nod along eagerly
"Does it? I always thought it came from the Triforce of Wisdom," Time returned wryly. "In which case, Wind, your competition is Princess Zelda, not me."
"Fine by me! I won't let her have all the wisdom either," Wind pledged. He smacked a fist into the water. "I'll fight her for it."
"Nooo," Red whined in protest. Deep down, he knew Wind was kidding, but he didn't want to take any chances, joking or not. Fights weren't any good for friendship and from what little Wind had spoken of Tetra, they were good friends. Just like him and Dot. "Don't fight her."
"Red's right. Fighting a princess? How uncouth of you," Twi teased.
"You haven't met Tetra yet," Wind shot back, sticking out his chin confidently. "She'll swab the deck with you if you ever underestimate her. Or call her a princess. She really doesn't like being called a princess."
"Isn't she?" Twi wondered.
"Yeah, but she's a pirate first."
"Noted."
"No fighting," Red reiterated, resting his head on Wind's boney shoulder. "You're smart enough already."
Wind giggled, leaning over to lay his head atop Red's. "Thanks, but don't worry, I won't actually fight her. Wisdom comes from your brain, not a golden triangle."
Red hummed in agreement, closing his eyes.
The others continued to talk among themselves, and Red let their chatter cocoon him in a blanket of undeniable safety. Of "everything is okay" and "no one is mad" and "nothing's your fault", and "everyone loves you".
It was all false. But that didn't matter. He leaned into it anyway, because he was in desperate need of something —even if it was a lie.
Storm clouds gathered above, weighing down the sky in a woolen mass of grey. A raindrop plopped onto the top of Vio's head, then another. And another and another until it had transformed into a veritable downpour.
Vio stared at the spectacle, raising a palm to the sky in fascination.
He had to admit he was partial to rainy days. There was something relaxing in the quiet gloom, in the steady drum of a parched world drinking its fill. Those days the world seemed muted, peaceful. Cozy, even.
But this rain felt different. It didn't instill the same tranquility as usual. There was an undercurrent of wrongness to it. The quality was typical of rain. It felt like water. It even tasted like water when Vio let a drop touch his tongue.
But this was the inner world, and Vio wasn't so dense as to believe changes to it were inconsequential. They had to mean something. Or at the very least, serve some kind of purpose, like the day-night cycles. So the presence of rain was…troubling.
However, Vio wasn't one to worry himself senseless over something without having all the facts. He was rather fond of that trait and embraced it now, manifesting an umbrella and beginning his trek to the mountains.
Rain or no rain, Shadow was his main priority, although Vio had a sneaking suspicion the two were somehow related. Could Shadow's feelings be manifesting in the form of the weather? The notion inspired Vio to view the storm in a different light. The rain pouring so heavily from the dark sky wasn't just despair or sadness, but overwhelm. The wind that kicked up every now and then to snap at his umbrella screamed of frustration. Anger. Maybe even fear.
Probably fear, knowing the state Shadow had been in last time Vio saw him.
The mountains were choked with more fog than usual and slick besides, making climbing up to Shadow's cave no easy feat. Some crevices had become mini waterfalls and others rivers thanks to the storm. None of it deterred Vio, even when he made a misjudgement and slipped. He simply realigned himself, sought sounder holds, and kept climbing.
When he finally reached the mouth of the cave, he didn't go in. Vio had learned his lesson last time. The dragon had scared him half to death, barring the entrance with its scaly body and hissing, sharp teeth gleaming on full display and a threatening tell-tale golden glow coloring its throat.
The message was clear. No entry on pain of death.
Or at least injury. Vio didn't believe death was truly possible in the inner world. It did reside in their head after all.
Regardless, he wasn't too keen on inviting pain unto himself, so he kept his distance, settling just outside of the cave. He let his legs dangle over the ledge, wedging the umbrella between his knees and holding it there loosely with a chilled hand.
With his back bared to the cave and eyes trained on the whited-out horizon, Vio spoke. "Hey, Shadow."
He paused courteously, giving his friend a chance to return the greeting, before continuing. "I'm not mad at you. I don't think you're bad either, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. They're wrong. They don't know you like I do."
Silence. Nothing but the downpour of white noise washing out the world.
"Blue was wrong for attacking you. I'm sorry he did. I can understand if you want to stay in that cave and never talk to anyone ever again. I've been there myself," he admitted with a bitter smile, idly twirling the umbrella in his hands. "It feels safe, holing yourself up in the dark. Nothing can reach you so nothing can hurt you—well, nothing new. Memories can be cruel. They are cruel. But their cruelty is familiar and that's preferable to the unfamiliar.
"It feels better in the moment. It feels like progress, like you can heal on your own. You don't have to bother or inconvenience anyone else. If you cut yourself off from everyone, you can't accidentally hurt them, and they can't hurt you. It sounds like common sense, like true intelligence."
He scoffed a little at that, a tiny, bitter smile twisting the corner of his mouth. He shook his head.
"But it isn't. Isolation doesn't solve anything, It doesn't protect anyone else either, least of all you. Your worries and fears fester when you're alone. They haunt you. They never let you go, and maybe nothing new is hurting you but the old stuff…" Vio drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "The old stuff never stopped hurting.
"So you wind up hurting all alone. And that makes you feel like you are alone. But you aren't. There are people who care about you. There always will be. You just need to be brave enough to let them in.
"That's easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I know . But it's worth it. It makes a difference, having other people to lean on. You can lean on me. I'll always be here for you."
"Liar," the hiss came with a gust of wind that nearly ripped the umbrella from his grasp.
Tightening his hold on the handle, Vio shifted so he could appeal directly to the darkness. "I'm not lying."
"You lied about it being safe," Shadow retorted, voice echoing out of the cave. "You made me leave, and Blue attacked me, so I attacked him and got sent to the Bad Place."
"No, that's not–"
"And then when I came back, you weren't here. If you really cared, you would've been here. You're just playing pretend again."
Vio's heart lurched. "Shadow, no. I'm not. I truly do care about you. You're my friend."
"Friends don't betray each other."
The remark came out sharp and pointed, like an arrow aimed to hurt. By all rights, it should have cut him to ribbons.
But it didn't.
It hurt, yes, but not like it should have. It merely bruised instead of mortally wounded, and the revelation both delighted and disturbed him.
Honestly, he'd gotten a taste of it earlier when Warrior threw a similar comment in his face. He'd been rattled by it, yes, but he hadn't fallen apart. The guilt had been muted, manageable in a way it never had been before.
One instance could be written off as a fluke, but two? That wasn't a coincidence. That was a pattern, and in this case it was proof to support Vio's theory. Heck, as far as Vio was concerned, his mental stability confirmed it as truth.
Vio couldn't be laid low by words like "betrayal" or "traitor" anymore because the negative feelings surrounding them had been taken from him. Shadow held them now.
At his core, he wasn't a boy brought back from the dead or a malicious entity infiltrating their mind to use them as a tool like Warrior feared. He was simply an amalgamation of all Vio's bad feelings surrounding the loss of someone he'd come to see as a friend. Shadow felt those intense emotions so Vio didn't have to. So Vio couldn't.
The rain seemed to fall harder, pummeling his umbrella like angry fists.
Vio would have liked to punch something right then. But it wouldn't have solved anything. It wouldn't have reversed the split. Shadow was here now and suffering in Vio's place whether he liked it or not.
A little part of Vio did like it. Emotions were messy and made keeping a level head incredibly difficult. He was glad to be more or less rid of them. But he was sorry Shadow had to take the brunt of it. That was the exact opposite of what he had wanted, to burden someone else with his feelings.
Fortunately, with his mind clearer than it had been in a long time, Vio was in a position to help. It was the least he could do.
"You're right," Vio acquiesced. "Friends don't betray each other. I promise I didn't have any intentions of deceiving you. I thought it would be safe. I didn't expect Blue to approach you like that, and I definitely didn't foresee you being pulled to the front."
"The front?"
"The outside world. Reality. The place you call the Bad Place," he clarified. "I know it doesn't make much sense to you yet, but I can explain it to you."
Twin red orbs glared out of the darkness. "I'm not coming out."
"That's okay. I'm not going to force you out. I never would." Vio turned his back on the cave again and drew in a deep breath. "But I think you've discovered by now that sometimes you don't have a choice. It's not my doing or Blue's or anyone else's. It just happens. It happens to me too. That's why I can't always be here with you. It's why I wasn't here when you came back."
"Because you were in the front?" Shadow asked timidly.
A pleased smile crept across his face at Shadow's understanding. "Yes. I was in the front."
"But you're not bad…"
Vio's smile fell. "No, the front isn't a place you go when you're bad."
"Then why do you go there? Why do I go there?" Shadow pressed.
"Because…" Vio suddenly realized he didn't have a good answer and fumbled for one. In the end, he settled on the truth. "I don't entirely know. It's not a punishment, though. It's just something that is , like the flow of time or the color of the sky. I know that there are certain situations that tend to pull me there. Same for you and the others, but beyond that, I don't have a good explanation. It's just how our brain works."
"We have different brains."
"Well…yes and no. We are our own people. We have our own thoughts and feelings and memories, but we share a body outside, in reality. Therefore we have one brain."
"...You're not making sense," Shadow accused huffily.
Vio sighed, rubbing the umbrella handle in thought. "It's difficult to explain. It would probably be easier to show you, but I don't think you're ready for that yet."
"Why not?" There was a defensive edge to Shadow's tone, almost like he was insulted.
"Well, you'd have to leave the cave."
A low growl. "No."
He chuckled. "Exactly. We'll leave that for another day. For now, why don't I tell you a story?"
"I don't see a book."
"This one doesn't require a book."
"It better be interesting." Sounds of shuffling met his ears as Shadow got comfortable.
"It is," he promised, smiling wryly.
With the rain providing steady white-noise, Vio began to recall the last four years, starting with the moment they replaced the Four Sword and realized they'd never be the same again.
Hair still damp from his dip in the hot springs, Green eagerly joined the other heroes congregated around the crude map Twilight had drawn of the Hidden Village.
Strategy was his forte. Sadly, he hadn't had an opportunity to use it much on this adventure. Regular ambushes coupled with the fact they were somewhat aimlessly chasing an unknown entity across time and space ensured planning was a rarity.
There simply wasn't time for it. Sure, there were the impromptu, think-on-your-feet plans they cobbled together when thrown into battle, but those didn't hold the same security as a well-thought out plan of attack did.
"There's only one way to enter the Hidden Village, and that's from the south," Twilight informed them, tapping the bottom of the paper with the wrong end of his pencil. He slid the writing implement north until it reached the top of the page. "If our enemy is smart, this is where he'll be."
Wind squinted at the drawing, face screwed up in concern. "Isn't that where you said the old lady's house is?"
"It is," Twilight confirmed. "Which is why it's even more important for us to reach it. But it won't be easy. Last time I was there, the place was crawling with Bulblins."
"Bulblins?" Hyrule echoed.
"They're like Bokoblins but smarter," Twilight explained. "They know how to take advantage of high ground, which they will have plenty of in the Hidden Village. Barring the buildings themselves, it's situated at the bottom of a canyon. They've positioned snipers at the top before."
"Which means we should be expecting enemies there," Warrior surmised, hand on chin and eyeing the map critically as if he could already see the positions of each monster.
"Wait a minute," Wild interjected. "If the village is at the bottom of a canyon then there is another way to enter. From above!"
"You do that, and I guarantee you'll get shot out of the sky," Twilight deadpanned, completely serious.
"What if he went around?" Green proposed. "Climbed up there, snuck up on the monsters, and took them out? Then they couldn't shoot at the rest of us, and Wild would have a prime sniping spot of his own."
The champion's eyes lit up at the notion. "I do like my sniping spots."
Warmth blossomed in his chest at the positive response, only to be snuffed out by Warrior a second later.
The captain gave a sharp shake of his head. "Too risky. Whatever monsters we encounter there are guaranteed to be infected. No one is taking on anything alone. Besides, I doubt any monsters stationed in such an advantageous position would be as weak as a Bulblin."
"Yeah, watch it be Lynel central," Legend scoffed, arms crossed as he dangerously balanced his chair on its back two legs.
Sky paled. "Please, no."
Green bit his lip, equally unsettled. The few encounters the group had had with Lynels had been brutal, and Green did not look forward to another.
Wild, however, shared none of their trepidation. "I can handle a few Lynels."
"Not if they're all infected," Time disagreed, eyeing Wild disapprovingly. "War is right. You can't go alone. No one should. Our best bet is to split into groups."
"Right, then," Warrior nodded, his captain's hat firmly in place. "Wind, Sky, you two go with Wild. You'll be the canyon top team responsible for disposing of any enemies along the canyon wall and providing long-range support."
"Sweet!" Wind exclaimed, high-fiving a grinning Wild. Their smiles were near perfect mirrors of each other.
"There should be two more teams, too," Twilight advised. "One to sneak along the east-side, and one for the west. We definitely won't be able to reach every monster from above. There are a lot of abandoned buildings for them to hide in."
"Is there any difference between the east and west sides?" Sky wanted to know.
Twilight shrugged. "Not really."
"Legend, Time, and I will take the east, then." Warrior announced. "Twilight and Hyrule can take west. We'll need to be sure to attack at night when we can use the low visibility to our advantage..."
Green balked at the exclusion. It had to be a mistake. An honest case of overlook. There were nine of them after all. One being forgotten wasn't unthinkable, especially when you accounted for the fact they were forming a battle plan which took quite a bit of mental brainpower. But Warrior was a tactician by nature. He was accustomed to this moving of many parts and keeping them all straight in his head. The captain didn't leave any of his men behind by mistake.
Anger began to rise in his throat, but Green tamped it down so it boiled in his stomach instead, swirling like a whirlpool. Getting upset wouldn't make a difference. Besides, there was a small part of him that said maybe, just maybe, he was jumping to conclusions, and War hadn't left him out on purpose.
So he cleared his throat, squared his shoulders, and looked Warrior straight in the eye. He aimed for levity, quirking the corner of his lips in an attempt at a smile. "Aren't you forgetting something, captain?"
Warrior opened his mouth, hesitating a moment—because he'd been caught? Or because he was thinking?—and replied, "Oh, right. Four you can hold down the entrance. Be our lookout."
His eyebrows shot into his hairline. "What? Why?"
There was no plausible reason to station anyone at the entrance. With one way in and one way out, there was little chance of their enemy escaping.
Warrior obviously didn't agree. He put a hand on his hip, leveling Green with a lecturing look he'd often garnered from commanding officers in the royal guard when he was little and being "difficult". Green couldn't help shrinking under it.
"In case we're walking into a trap. Say we get there and more monsters come. It'd be nice to have a heads up before we're cornered, don't you think?"
"Yeah, but Wild, Wind or Sky could easily spot such a thing from above and warn everyone below," he pointed out, making a conscious effort to straighten his back. "No one needs to be a look-out."
"Maybe not, but it would be beneficial. Those above are going to have their own enemies to take care of. They won't have time to keep their eyes on the entrance."
"So what, you'd rather us be a man down?" Green demanded, hand clenching into a fist. It was all too clear Warrior didn't want them in the fight at all.
"Yes, actually," Warrior retorted. "I'd rather us be a man down from the start than have us all go down because we didn't see an ambush coming."
He swallowed thickly, heat rising to flush his cheeks volcano hot.
"All due respect captain, I think you're going a bit overboard here," Time interjected coolly. "Trap or not, it doesn't make sense to not go in with all of us. These are black bloods we're dealing with, remember. We need all the manpower we can get."
"Right, but Four—"
"Is a fine warrior. Don't disrespect them by sidelining them."
Warrior blew out an aggravated sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not sidelining them, old man. I'm just trying to make sure we have all our bases covered."
"You're covering too well," Wind piped up. "Like Four said, we'll be able to see if more monsters are coming from above. In fact, if they do come, I'll personally glide down with my Deku Leaf and deal with them myself. Happy?"
"No," Warrior snapped, whirling around to level Wind with a stern look. "Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger."
Wind raised his hands in defense. "I won't. I'm just saying, if everyone else is busy and I need to then—"
"And who's to say you won't be occupied with another battle? I don't want you distracted, especially when fighting superpowered monsters."
"I'd be careful," Wind insisted.
"That's not the point!"
As Wind and Warrior devolved into a heated yelling match, Twilight nudged Green lightly in the side. He peered up at the ranch hand.
"Hey, you can come with me and 'Rule," Twi offered amicably.
He nodded, returning Twi's smile with a tight-lipped one of his own before returning his gaze to the map.
Grateful as he was for Twilight's gesture, it did nothing to ease the hurt of Warrior actively trying to exclude him.
A soul-deep ache settled in his chest and refused to abate, even after Wind and Warrior's squabble resolved and the group finalized their plans for the following day.
He— they —weren't wanted here. That was clear now. It wasn't just something fear fabricated in his head. It was real. And it made him sick to his stomach.
Resources (delete the spaces for the website):
did- research . org (Is a very thorough site, detailing exactly what DID is, the misconceptions behind it, the differing alter roles, and much more! It also includes the DSM-5 criteria for DID. )
The following are system YouTubers whose videos helped me immensely by not only educating me about the disorder, but also giving me a first-hand look into what living with DID is like for them. I highly recommend checking out their channels if you'd like to learn more about DID.
DissociaDID
The Entropy System
Multiplicity And Me
Unfortunately, I cannot link specific videos due to the limitations of this site. Fortunately, they are all on YouTube so they are easily searchable given the title and creator names. I found these videos particularly helpful:
"I spent a day with MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES (Dissociative Identity Disorder)" -AnthonyPadilla
"PERSECUTORS - "EVIL" Personalities? |All About Alters Ep6| Dissociative Identity Disorder REUPLOAD" -DissociaDID
"When Identities Collide |Internal Conflicts in DID (using actors!) -MultiplicityAndMe
"Dissociative Identity SIMULATION | 360° video!" -MultiplicityAndMe
Stay safe, everyone!