Chapter 5

The house was empty when Bella returned home from school, but that wasn't unusual. Charlie often appeared right before dinnertime on most nights. What was different was that there was already a pizza box on the kitchen table with a note taped to the lid.

Hey Bells

Kevin had a family emergency so I'm covering the night shift. Call me if you need anything.

Dad

On one hand Bella was thankful that Charlie was going to be out of the house tonight, but on the other she was hoping that he would be a distraction for her.

Bella plated herself a slice of pizza and looked through the short stack of mail on the counter. Charlie never had a problem paying bills on time, but Bella was so used to the task with her mother that it felt wrong not to check them. In between the gas and electric bills was a thick envelope addressed to Bella.

The envelope was written in Renee's practiced handwriting, but Renee never had the patience required to send letters. She much preferred phone calls and quick text messages and hadn't mentioned to Bella that she was sending her anything through the mail, but she must have just forgotten.

The pizza turned to lead in Bella's stomach when she pulled out the card and saw the smiling face. The young man had sandy brown hair with brown eyes and a wide white smile. It was a smile that Bella was very familiar with, he and his sister Bree had been Bella's neighbor since Bella was ten years old. Bella hadn't forgotten what today was, but with everything she and Edward had talked about it had slipped her mind.

Remembering Riley Michael Tanner lost one year ago, we invite you to honor his memory.

A photo of Riley smiling and holding their family dog took up the entire front of the card. Flipping it over Bella saw several other pictures of Riley with his family, but one photo struck Bella numb. On the bottom left there was a picture of Riley and his sister sitting outside their house. Bella had seen this picture countless times in her own living room. She had been cropped out of it, but you could still see her arm wrapped around Riley's waist.

Tears pricked in Bella's eyes, but she blinked them back. Of course Bree would crop her out of any of the pictures. Bella doubted that any pictures of her remained at the Tanner house no matter how long she and Bree had been friends. At one point she and Bree had been inseparable and you could hardly find one without the other.

They had done everything together. Ballet lessons, cheering at Riley's baseball games, volunteering at the library, they had both learned to drive in Riley's used camry, and countless sleepovers. In the last year Bella lost not one but two friends and it hurt. Like a gaping hole in her abdomen that couldn't be filled. Bella could only imagine the pain that Bree felt, losing a brother, someone she had known her entire life.

Riley's face stared at Bella, looking through her with his easy smile. Today was the one year anniversary of his death and if there was ever a time to reach out to Bree it would be today. Maybe it was absurd, but Bella felt like Riley was encouraging her to break this year-long stalemate between them.

With only a moment's hesitation Bella dialed the number on her phone that she had long since memorized. It rang a few times before a girl's voice answered.

"Hello?"

Bella's response caught in her throat. Bree sounded exactly as Bella had remembered.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"Hi Bree." Bella's voice was so quiet that she almost thought Bree hadn't heard her speak at all.

"Bella." There was a pause and Bella heard the other girl take a deep breath through the receiver. "You've got a lot of nerve to call today."

"I'm sorry, I was just worried about you. My mom said-"

"Your Mom shouldn't be saying anything at all." Bree's voice was full of bitterness. "You so lucky Bella. If I thought that anyone would believe me I would have told the truth a long time ago."

"Bree I-"

"Don't. Just don't. I can't even think about you without…I hate you Bella."

Bella felt a sharp pain in her chest at the statement. Bree said it with such assurance and no hesitation. She couldn't think up a reply that would contain all of the guilt and remorse she had.

"I wish you had died that night, but I know that karma is going to come back for you. Murderers always get what's coming to them in the end."

The tears fell freely at Bree's harsh words. Bella didn't even try to argue them because they were true.

"How about you just drive yourself off a cliff? Too bad I'm not a freak like you or that would have worked." There was a wet chuckle before Bree continued, "Do me a favor Bella. Leave me alone. Leave my Dad alone. Tell your Mom that we want nothing to do with you. Don't fucking call me ever again."

Then the phone went dead.

The alcohol burned Bella's throat as she coughed it up.

It tasted nothing like what she had remembered. At the halloween party two years ago was the only time Bella had ever been drunk. She and Bree hadn't known that the sweet apple cider had been spiked and had several cups before her mom discovered them. They hadn't gotten in trouble for it, but they had learned their lesson the next morning when they were each gifted with massive hangovers.

This tasted nothing of the sort. The smell burned her nose and the heat left behind in her mouth wasn't pleasant, but she drank another gulp anyways. Bella couldn't tell if she was crying because the drink tasted so awful or if it was because of everything Bree had said.

Even after a year the pain was still there. The wounds hadn't yet healed and Bella felt them gaping open in her chest.

Murderer.

That's what Bree called her and it was true. She had murdered her friend. Riley was dead because of her. Because of her choices. Because she chose her mother over Riley. Bella had chosen to save her mother's life and the guilt had been eating away at her ever so slowly over the last year.

Bella drained the last of the vodka from her glass. Maybe she should have turned the water into something that had tasted better, but it was too late now. She could feel the effects of the alcohol in her limbs making her already uncoordinated movements more graceless if possible.

Riley was still smiling at her. He was in her hands, but he was crumpled? Wrinkled? Crinkled. There were lines on his face that weren't there before. Bella smoothed out his face with her hands, but something caught her eyes.

Edward's perfect handwriting was fuzzy, but she could still see the heart he had drawn on it. The heat that filled Bella settled and burned in her chest. Edward Cullen was an unsuspecting potential victim in Bella's tangled up future. The last boy that Bella liked ended up dead. Edward would end up dead. That's what Bella's dreams were trying to tell her. To warn her. To keep Edward away.

Edward fucking Cullen. The only person in a year that made Bella forget all of the bad things she's done. Made her forget why she bothered to keep everyone away in the first place. The only other person Bella had ever met to have anything extra-special about them. He just waltzed right into her life with his beautiful face and mesmerizing eyes, his mystery and whatever magnetism that kept Bella coming back to him. Bella would ruin him. She would bring him nothing but pain and suffering if he was even able to walk away.

Bella needed this cast off. It was useless anyway. There was no reason to keep it. It had to come off. Doctors used a saw, but Charlie didn't have a saw. A saw was sharp. Bella had something sharp.

The kitchen drawer was open, but there were two of everything. Was this knife sharp enough? Or too sharp? The thought of blood was sickening. Knives were too sharp. Charlie had tools out in the garage.

The door was open and the air was icy. Why was Bella in here? Tools. She needed to get this thing off. There were shelves of tools that Charlie had left out. A hammer was sitting on the top of the workbench. Why did he have two hammers? That seemed a little excessive.

Bella put the arm with her cast on the workbench. She gripped the hammer and closed her eyes.

BANG

Bella opened her eyes and saw that she missed. The hammer smashed into the bench a few inches to the side of her arm. With a deep breath she raised it again and scrunched up her face.

CRUNCH

She felt the impact of that one. The shock went all the way up to her shoulder. It didn't hurt. Or did it? The plaster cast was cracked overtop of Edward's name. Bella felt chills across her skin and the urgency to remove this cast was surging through her.

CRUNCH

The hammer's head was embedded in the plaster this time. Bella yanked on it, but her grip wouldn't stay.

"Bella?" An angel's voice? "Is everything alright?"

"You're velvet." Bella murmured. She could hear the angel, but couldn't see anything except the hammer. She closed her eyes to focus on this voice.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to get it off." The words came out, but they felt all wrong on Bella's tongue.

"Are you drunk?" Bella opened her eyes at the stunned voice. Everything looked fuzzy around the edges, but the pale face and bright gold eyes were clear.

"Edward." Bella's voice rasped softly. She was so thirsty now, had her tongue always felt this dry? "I'm not drunk. I'm dreaming."

"What are you doing Bella?" He asked again, but she had already told him. Wasn't he listening? There was a pull against her arm and it moved without her consent.

Bella felt the world tilt and the ground came up suddenly. She blinked and then the ceiling was in front of her. Her feet were dangling and she was surrounded by the smell of sunshine and honey. There were arms around her, holding her close.

"I'm going to take you into the house Bella." Edward. His voice rumbled by her ear. Bella looked up at him and only saw concern.

"I need to get it off." Tears pricked Bella's eyes. Her arm felt so heavy. This fucking cast. A reminder of the worst thing she had ever done. Every moment she looked at it all she could think of was Riley and the wake of destruction she had left behind.

"Off. Off! Get it off!" There wasn't enough air. Bella was gasping through the tears. She was yanking on her cast, trying in vain to pry it off. The world was moving around her, but she didn't know in which direction she was going. Sobbing and almost to the point where she was inconsolable there was a terrible cracking noise.

"Bella, honey, it's off. It's gone. Look. Open your eyes." That velvet voice was back, encouraging and reassuring. Coldness brushed against Bella's cheeks wiping away tears and soothing the heat that was left behind them.

Bella looked up into gold eyes. Her arm felt lighter. She held it out in front of her face and the tears flooded again. Her pale arm was free of the cast. Edward's face was filled with worry, lines creased between his brows that Bella had never seen before. Bella flung her arms around his neck and buried her face into him. He was cold. So cold.

"You need to leave." Bella mumbled. Did he hear her? "Shouldn't be here. Get out." There was no force behind the words.

"I can't leave you Bella." His voice was low and full of emotion. It brought forth another round of sobs and Bella was barely aware that she was drenching his shirt. "Jazz please?"

The tension melted from Bella's form and though her arms remained around Edward they were no longer clutching him in panic. A wave of calm replaced all other feelings, but the tears didn't stop flowing.

"Bella, what's this?" A new voice sounded from the side and Bella realized that she and Edward weren't alone. Cold fingers pried the crumpled paper from her hand.

"Riley." Bella's voice cracked as she spoke and she was overcome with another wave of peacefulness.

"Who is he Bella?" There was that other voice again. Asking too many questions.

"My friend. He was my friend and I killed him."

"Bella?" Edward was speaking softly, carefully like she was on the edge about to jump. "What do you mean you killed him?"

Bella heard his words, but her mouth wasn't working anymore. Exhaustion had filled her limbs and made them heavy. Was this Edward real or was he just an alcohol induced hallucination? Either way Bella didn't want to let him go. She stayed frozen around his neck until the world faded out into nothing.