- Hae Soo -
"Your health is not good. Because of the pregnancy, you've become weaker. If you insist on keeping the baby..." Hae Soo shook her head. She was sitting alone in her bedroom trying to paint the likeness of Baek Ah on a stone, but her thoughts kept returning to the doctor's visit. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was somehow cursed. Every piece of good news came with a catch.
She'd suspected the pregnancy for a while. There was only a small bump, barely visible under her clothes, but she'd noticed the change over time. One missing period is a fluke, three is a sign. She wasn't some clueless 10th century noblewoman. She'd known the risk she'd been taking with So. She didn't regret it.
The only thing casting a shadow over the news was the doctor's warning. "If you insist on keeping the baby…" Soo placed a hand over the bump.
"As long as you're safe," she whispered, "I don't care."
"How can you say that?" Jung's words came back to her. He'd been so upset. Would he treat her differently now? She remembered how angry So had been when he learned of her relationship with the 8th Prince. I was his person , but it didn't matter in the end. So's look of disgust still haunted her. Compared to what she had gotten herself into now, her moments with the 8th Prince seemed laughably innocent. What was holding hands compared to having another man's child?
She knew Jung wanted to help as a friend and would do anything to make her happy, but she still felt awful for putting him in this position. Everyone would think the baby was his. Worse, he'd be left with all the responsibility if her health didn't improve.
She sighed. She was selfish, she knew. She'd do anything to keep this small piece of So, no matter how much it burdened others; no matter the risk to herself. She stood and walked over to a chest where she had stowed keepsakes. At the top were the letters she'd begged So to write. Her handwriting was almost identical to So's now, but she could still spot the difference. She drew her fingers over the characters.
"I came to sit by the water. However, the clouds had come…"
If the doctor was right, she didn't have much time. She needed to see him again. She pulled a fresh sheet of parchment from the pile, sat down at the table, and began to write.
"I told you not to worry and sleep comfortably."
"How can you say that? It's my first time sleeping in the same room as my wife. Why do you keep telling me to leave?" Jung was lying on a mattress across from her, watching her closely. There was still a slight wrinkle in his brow. He'd found her hunched over her drawings in the garden earlier that day and had carried her inside. Soo hadn't tried to argue when he insisted on staying by her side.
"Now that I look at you, I can tell we've both changed. A lot of time has passed."
Unordered and uncensored, Hae Soo's memories formed a sad montage. "Bad times follow the good,'' she said quietly "I've lived long enough to learn that." She wondered what the point of it all was.
"Do you remember when we first met?" Jung asked, trying to shake her from her dark line of thought.
"Was it in the 8th Prince's library?" That feels like a lifetime ago. "Or was it when I saved you?"
"You mean the time you came running in with that stick?" He sat up and leaned forward. "I was so shocked. I'd never seen a girl so brave!" Jung swiped through the air with an imaginary stick, a grin stretching across his face.
"What about when you fought Eun? I still laugh when I think of that! Your hair was a mess and Eun had that big bruise on his forehead." Jung paused, lost in thought. "You were so full of energy."
"I was." Soo could barely remember that version of herself. What had made her so fearless; so ready to take on new challenges? When she thought about doing that now, she just felt tired.
"Why aren't you keeping your promise to sing on my birthday? I waited every year."
"Oh dear," Soo sighed. "Alright, I'll sing for you this year."
"Ah! Do you remember - you snuck into Damiwon and spied on us bathing! Why did you do that? Now that I think about it, you've been sneaky ever since you were young."
"That's not fair." Soo huffed, recalling the events of that day. "I was so shocked back then, I didn't see a thing."
Jung was trying to look serious, but he couldn't hide his smirk. "Don't lie! You saw everything, right?"
"I really couldn't see!" Soo laughed. Out of all the places she could have landed, of course it had to be in a bath house filled with gorgeous, half-naked princes. She had to give it to fate - it had a sense of humour.
"Are you just saying that because you didn't like what you saw?" Jung jumped up and raised his arms in a mock athlete's pose. "What's wrong with my body?" he teased. "What's not to like?"
Soo smiled. The muscles in her cheeks felt out of practice.
Jung put out the lanterns and settled into bed. The room was very quiet, and Soo's thoughts began to drift. Would So answer her letters? She'd sent two now, but still no reply. She felt like she was running out of time. The tightness in her chest was getting worse.
Soo thought suddenly of Lady Hae, and her slow but unstoppable illness. This wasn't an age of cutting-edge technology and life-saving medicine. She couldn't put her name on a list for surgery, or take some fancy pills to make things better. The uncertainty of it all gnawed at her.
"Jung?"
"Hm?" he answered sleepily.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"If something happens to me, will you take care of the baby?"
"Nothing will happen." The denial came too quickly. Soo could tell he was afraid.
"But if it does…"
When Jung spoke again, his voice was thick. "Your child will have everything he could ever want. He'll be spoiled."
"She," Soo said quietly.
"What?"
"I think it's a girl."
"A girl!" Jung exclaimed with excitement. "Well then, I'll have to train her to fight. I wonder if I can find a stick as large as your one..."
"You might need it to ward off suitors."
"Suitors! No man will go near her until she's 30!"
Soo laughed. "If you say so." Silence fell again, but it was lighter now.
"Thank you, Jung." Soo suddenly felt very tired. She sighed and turned onto her side.
"Sleep well, Soo."
Jung had spoken each word clearly, but in the silence that hugged his words it felt like he was saying something else.
As the weeks turned into months, Hae Soo became increasingly anxious. There had been no word from So. Not even a letter. Was he still mad? She was becoming more withdrawn, mentally cataloging all the moments she'd ever spent with So, trying to pinpoint when things had changed.
One afternoon Soo was sitting in a patch of sunlight next to Jung when two servants appeared. One was carrying a tray with refreshments and sweets. The other was clutching an ornate wooden box. "This has just been delivered from the palace!"
Soo looked up, startled. The servant placed the box in front of her. "The messenger said it's for you, my lady." Soo looked over to Jung. He looked just as startled.
"Do you know what's inside?" Soo asked, trying to sound casual.
The servant shook her head. "No, Lady Hae. But I was told it's a gift," the servant paused for a moment, her eyes darting to Jung before she said in a low voice "from His Majesty".
Soo's mouth suddenly felt dry. She leaned forward and grabbed a teacup from the tray. She took a few quick gulps, then returned the cup with shaky hands. The room around her seemed to contract as she studied the box in front of her.
All these months she'd waited for a sign. Something - anything - to let her know So was reading her letters; that he still cared. She ran her fingers over the lid. It was beautifully carved. There were flowers, birds and animals inlaid with mother of pearl. At the front was a small gold latch. Soo opened it and lifted the lid.
The first thing that caught her eye was a length of light blue silk. It was finely woven and embroidered with gold thread. She lifted it up and held it to the light.
"What is it?" Jung asked. She could feel his gaze burning with curiosity.
"I'm not sure," Soo said, feeling lost. "It looks a bit like a blanket. But it's too small..." Soo looked back into the box. She gasped.
"What?" Jung asked again, craning forward to see. At the top was a pair of slippers, but they were tiny - small enough for a doll. Soo lifted them out. Underneath was another piece of clothing. A miniature hanbok. Soo felt tears pricking her eyes. "They're baby clothes," she whispered.
"Baby clothes?" Jung repeated, sounding alarmed. "But..."
Soo lifted out the tiny hanbok and saw more clothes underneath. They were all beautiful, with thick silk and elegant embroidery; the sort of clothing a prince would wear. Tears began running down her cheeks.
He knows. He knows and now he's sent me these beautiful things. He must have forgiven me. She could feel Jung watching her. She wiped her cheeks with her sleeve.
"How did he find out?" Jung asked, echoing her thoughts. "You didn't tell him in your letters, did you?"
Soo picked up her cup of tea again. She didn't trust herself to speak, so she just shook her head.
"This is bad." Jung said seriously. "If the King knows, others at court will too. They might suspect it's his child."
"So would never let anything happen to me." Soo said proudly, then regretted it. She could see Jung deflate at her words.
"The So you remember is gone." Jung replied coldly. "He's King now. He has his own wife to think about." The words were harsh to her ears.
Soo didn't want to get into an argument, so instead of replying she took another sip of tea. It was slightly bitter, but made her feel calm.
"We'll have to be careful." Jung said finally. "The last thing we need is for Yeon-hwa to find out. She's terrifying enough when I beat her at cards. I'd hate to think what would happen if she discovered another woman was having So's child."
Soo nodded. As kind as Jung was to her, she didn't want to be around him now. "I'm tired," she lied. "I think I'll go to bed early." Jung sighed and stood up. He looked deep in thought. "Call me if you need anything." He gave her a final worried look before leaving the room. She felt relieved to be alone. She ran a hand dreamily over the carvings on the box, and wondered if So had recently done the same.
Soo was on the floor of a prison cell and a guard was kicking her. Each blow caused a sharp burst of pain through her abdomen. She tried to block the blows. She wrapped her arms around her waist for protection, but the pain continued, even though the kicking stopped. Where was it coming from? She thought there'd been a guard a second ago, but now, as she blinked and looked around the dimly lit room, all she could see was the outline of furniture. Was it a dream?
Another stab of pain. No, that part was real. She pushed back the blanket to look at her belly. She couldn't see anything. She tried to sit up. Her legs were covered in something sticky. She pushed back the blanket. She was sitting in a puddle of blood.
There was a moment where her dazed mind wondered whose blood is that?
Then reality sunk in and she cried out.
"No! NO!"
She'd once seen a medical drama where a pregnant woman had been brought in during a miscarriage. Soo has been shocked at the amount of blood on screen. She'd felt sure it was an over-dramatisation. How could someone lose that much blood and survive?
Now, looking down at the darkened sheets, she wondered how she was still conscious. She had to do something. She had to find a way to stop the bleeding.
"Help!" She shouted. "I need help!" She didn't know what time it was. "Jung! Anyone!" The others were probably asleep. She rolled towards the side of the bed and tried to stand. Cramps shot through her again. "Aargh!" she hissed.
As she stood she felt the blood rush from her head, and the world went black for a few seconds. She stumbled forward, reaching for something to hold onto. There was a crash as she knocked over a side table. She felt a dizzying wave of nausea, like she had spent too long on an amusement ride. "Help!" she said again, this time with less energy. "Jung!"
She was sobbing as she reached the door. She leaned forward and slid it open. There was a roaring sound, like waves approaching the shore. She shook her head. The world was going black at the edges. A few more steps. Jung's quarters weren't far, but she couldn't seem to focus anymore.
Her legs gave way beneath her. She toppled forward and hit the floor. At least everything's stopped spinning now , she thought as she lay there, and the ground is nice and cool. Her body was itching all over with heat, and painful cramps were still gripping her. Not cramps , she realised with a sudden horror. Contractions.
From somewhere far-off, she heard a voice. There were hurried footsteps that got louder and louder, until suddenly someone was crouched over her shouting. "Soo! Can you hear me?" It was Jung. She felt a hand on her forehead. She heard more footsteps, and a beam of light fell across her face. The newcomer gasped. "Jung, she's bleeding out!"
"Run to the village!" Jung ordered, "Find someone who knows what to do! Quickly!" She felt her body lift off the cool ground, and for a second she thought she was floating, until she realised Jung had picked her up. He was carrying her back to the bedroom.
"I've got you now Soo. Everything will be alright." He sounded surprisingly calm. Maybe it's not as bad as I thought. But then Soo thought of the hospital drama, and how the only way the doctors had been able to help the woman was by delivering her stillborn child.
"No-no-no-no." Soo murmured. More contractions. She was 6 months pregnant at most. The baby was coming too soon.
"I'm right here, Soo. I'll look after you." She heard water being poured and then felt a cool cloth on her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed it to be a dream.
She faded in and out. Help from the village arrived and the room was suddenly filled with people. Hot water, lamps and towels were brought in, and the men were ordered to leave. Soo heard a firm voice telling her to wake up and concentrate.
Soo pleaded, "Save the baby. Please." The voice didn't listen. It was ordering her to push. Soo wanted to hold back; to keep the baby where it belonged, but her body took over. In a few hours she had delivered the child. It was all wrong. There was no crying; no celebrating. The bossy voice sounded worried. "There's too much blood."
She heard voices outside the room again, arguing. "Let me see her!" a cry rang out. Further murmurs. The door slid open and she heard footsteps coming towards the bed.
"Soo?" Jung's voice was raw, as though he'd been crying. But that couldn't be right. Jung was a soldier - he'd never cry. She wanted to open her eyes and look at him, but she was too exhausted. It felt like her limbs had been sewn to the mattress. He sat down on the floor next to her. "Soo, I'm so sorry. I'm so…" he trailed off. "Please," he said quietly, "I know it's horrible, but don't give up... You have to fight. You're the bravest person I've ever met. I…" his voice caught. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered. She felt him lean over and kiss her on the forehead.
Soo didn't pay much attention to what happened after that. She let them fret over her body, but her mind was already somewhere else. Her world had just ended, so it felt only right that she should come to an end too.