ROSE
I twirled one of my curls around my finger in a useless attempt at getting it to stay put, but the moment I let go, the ringlet fell wonky again. Vika, who had insisted on helping me, had spent nearly an hour primping and preening until I looked (in her words) perfect. However, the girl in the mirror taunted me.
Why was I bothering with this? Most of my history with Dimitri included sweat-slicked ponytails rather than long, perfectly styled tresses. It was ridiculous. Honestly, he'd probably see me and laugh. This wasn't who I was. My entire getup back at St. Vlads was built for ease and movement. Athletic wear might as well have been my school uniform. I wore sports bras and track pants. Not skirts and blouses.
Why the hell was I in a dress, then?
Because Dimitri was coming. That's why.
I checked the clock again for what must have been the twentieth time in the last hour. With every glance, I felt my anxiety spike a little. They'd be here any minute.
Screw it. I needed to change. I grabbed a hairband and finger-combed my hair back into a high ponytail. One simple change and I already looked and felt more like myself. But perhaps Vika's work wasn't entirely in vain because the curls that were driving me nuts just a few moments ago were now hanging beautifully down my back.
Before I could strip out of my dress, however, I heard the door open. My heart stopped, and suddenly it didn't matter one bit what I was wearing.
I bolted out of my room, bracing myself on the wall a little as I rounded the corner of the hallway and froze at the top of the stairs. There he was. Dimitri. He was here.
He tried to pull his oversized duffel bag through the doorway, barely making it a step inside before his sisters descended on him and all spoke over one another in excited greetings.
I couldn't breathe.
It had only been eleven weeks. Eleven measly weeks since I had last seen him. But somehow, those eleven weeks felt like a lifetime ago.
I watched as he scanned over the heads of his sister, speaking animatedly to them but obviously looking for someone else. Before I could call out to him, however, he spotted me.
He smiled and I swear, the world stopped spinning for a moment.
Without a word, he took a step towards me and I bounded down the stairs, skipping the last two steps as I fell into his outstretched arms. He caught me and held me tight, both of us laughing with stupid grins on our faces.
My face was tucked into his neck as he hugged me. Over his shoulder, I could see his misty-eyed mother smile softly at our public display of affection with her hand placed over her heart. I shut my eyes at the unbidden prickle of tears that threatened our embrace.
Our hands stayed clasped together as he stepped back to take a better look at me, scanning my face and body, quickly re-familiarizing himself and perhaps checking me for any sort of scrape or bruise. The guardian and protector in him was all but encoded into his DNA, so I didn't fight his need to make sure I was alright.
Once he was satisfied, he gave me a short, sweet kiss before touching his forehead against mine.
"I missed you, Roza. So much." His words were barely a whisper, but they cut me to my soul.
My emotions had a stranglehold over me, robbing me of anything more than a shaky nod as I tried to keep from falling apart in his arms. I couldn't hold back all my tears, but at least I wasn't ugly crying in front of him and his family. It took a while, but I eventually found my voice again. "Sorry. I guess I kinda missed you, too."
"Never apologize for it." He chuckled, brushing off my weak joke as easily as he brushed a few rogue tears from my cheek. The rough scratchiness in his voice might have been from a long day of traveling, but between that and the slight simmer in his eyes, I had to wonder if I was the only one on the emotional brink. He scanned me up and down again, this time more appreciatively than clinically. "You look stunning, by the way."
"Thanks." I fanned out the sage-colored dress. "It was Viktoria's idea."
With a quick wink, he said, "Well, I owe her one. You're gorgeous."
As if summoned by her name, Viktoria called from the living room. "Okay, you two. Enough with the kissy-kissy. It's time to eat."
Everyone in the room hushed her, with Yeva going so far as to smack her arm for interrupting our reunion.
"What?" she cried, looking around like she didn't understand what she could have possibly done to demand such a reaction. "Mama's making Dimitri's favorite. I just figured he'd want to put his stuff away so he can dig into dinner."
He laughed at his sister's antics, rolling his eyes before dropping his bag at the foot of the stairs and snatching her up in a big bear hug that had him practically suffocating her.
"Get off!" She squealed, uselessly beating her hands against his chest as she tried to escape his hold. Once he let go, mussing her hair up a bit of good brotherly measure, she glared at him. It didn't last long as they both fell into laughter, and he repeated the act (admittedly much less obnoxiously) with the others.
I had to marvel at just how relaxed he already was. Dimitri was home, and it showed. That made it feel even more like home to me too.
After dinner, which Dimitri practically devoured in nostalgia, we moved towards the living room. As soon as Dimitri sat on the sofa that was probably older than him, he opened his arms for me to cuddle up beside him.
It almost felt strange to be so open in our relationship. At the Academy, we constantly fought our feeling and did everything we could to hide the truth from others around us. Now? He didn't hesitate to take my hand or hold me close. Even with all of his family around us, he didn't care. And the smiles that I had once treasured because they were so rare? They were now offered freely.
I could hardly stand just how happy I felt. It felt unreal. I kept wondering if it was all a dream and if I'd wake up alone.
"So, we go nearly four years without a single visit from you. Then, less than three months after your girlfriend moves in, you suddenly show up at the door." Karolina says with a conspiratory grin. "What's up with that?"
"You're right," he admitted, still smiling with me tucked under his arm. "I've been busy, but I should have visited a long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't make the time. I promise that I'll be better."
Sonya laughed. "Because your girlfriend is here?"
"Not just because my girlfriend is here, but yes." The others laughed, but his admission caught me off guard.
Dimitri had never referred to me as his girlfriend before. Logically, I knew that was what I was to him, even if the term sounded a bit juvenile after all we had been through. But to actually hear him call me his girlfriend was so unimaginable that I almost wanted to pinch myself.
Yeva, who had returned to her rocking chair near the fire after dinner, looked between us with a soft smile that almost surprised me. I don't think I'd ever been offered more than an indifferent stare before. "Любовь меняет вещи."
My Russian was getting better but was still a bit shaky. Before I could ask for a translation, Dimitri pulled me close and brushed back the stubborn lock of hair that always seemed to fascinate him.
"No," he said. "It changes everything."
The evening was filled with so much conversation and laughter, I felt almost dizzy. For the most part, the family stuck to English. Even as the night rolled on and drinks were poured, I was included. Dimitri flipped into Russian occasionally, typically for his grandmother's sake, but always made sure to translate for me so that I didn't feel left out.
The only hard part was seeing him with the kids. Even though it had been years since they last met, it was clear to see that Paul idolized his uncle. There was almost a sense of wonder in his eyes as he hung on to every word Dimitri said. Paul seemed desperate to please him. Earlier, Dimitri marveled how much Paul had grown since the last time he had seen him, and I swear that Paul added another inch or two to his height just to live up to the praise.
Zoya, now beginning to toddle around on her own and get in trouble, just seemed fascinated by the man who was getting all the attention that day. They had never met, and it took her a little while to warm up to him. It was almost adorable watching him try to give the little girl space while obviously still wanting to play with her. He'd reach out from the couch, cooing gently as he tried to coax her to come to see him, only to be left somewhat frustrated when she denied him. Eventually, she did come over, but rather than letting him pick her up, she reached over to me.
When she wasn't covered in slobber and snot, Zoya was actually a sweet little thing. Smart, too. Russian or English, she seemed to listen to everything around her and understand a good deal of it. She didn't say many words beyond the basics—"да, нет, мама"—but of the few other recognizable words (or attempts at words) was "Pa" for Pauls's name and, surprisingly, "Ro." I won't lie and say that didn't endear her to me a little. I bounced her on my lap, offering her some comfort as Dimitri tried to introduce himself and gain her trust. Before long, she decided that the strange man cuddling with her "Ro" was safe.
The most difficult was watching him with Katya, though. It was nearly heartbreaking. She was only a week old, and the way he looked at her with pure awe tugged at me in a way that I didn't expect. I didn't want babies. Never had, but I swear my ovaries exploded as he cradled her and whispered soothing nonsense into her ear to keep her from fussing.
"I always forget how small they are," he said, referring to the tiny girl cradled in his arms. Katya's entire body barely spanned the length of his forearm, and her little head was completely cupped in his palm. Dimitri was this massive, imposing, lethal man, yet this itty-bitty baby had brought him to his knees. It would seem impossible that someone so powerful could also be so gentle. "She's so beautiful, Sonya."
Sonya had been much more pleasant since giving birth, despite being tired with the middle of the night feedings. Apparently, the last trimester was a bitch to her. She was much happier now that she was no longer constantly sore, tired, and needing to pee every ten minutes because Katya liked kicking her bladder. That didn't mean we were suddenly buddy-buddy or anything, but it was nice to see her smile now. Katya had the power to make us all smile, of course, but Sonya beamed anytime she was near her daughter.
"You haven't had a turn tonight, Roza. Do you want to hold her?" While Dimitri looked sincere in his offer, I could tell he wasn't quite ready to let his little niece go.
I brushed him off. "Keep her. She looks happy with you." And you look happy with her, I silently added.
My suggestion wasn't entirely altruistic. Yeah, Dimitri looked completely enthralled with Katya, but I also avoided holding her as much as possible. I wouldn't outright say no if someone asked for my help with her, but I always felt like I was going to break her somehow. She was so fragile. What if I dropped her or something? Dimitri seemed totally in his element holding the little baby, but it made me nervous. Just another confirmation that while I was decent aunt material, I would probably make a horrible mom.
My heart sank a little as the thought invaded my mind unbidden. True or not, it was hard to accept when the pure yearning was written so clearly across Dimitri's face. He'd make an excellent father. He'd raise a son to be just as strong, courageous, and compassionate as he was. He'd give into every little whim of a daughter whose smile would keep him wrapped around her finger. He'd protect his family with fierce devotion, giving them all the best he had to offer and never expecting anything in return except for their happiness and joy in life.
He chose you, I reminded myself. He had the chance, and he chose you.
It didn't totally alleviate the guilt, but knowing that he had a chance of all that within his grasp yet decided to love me instead kept me from spiraling too far into that line of thought.
No more than ten minutes later, Katya started screaming her head off, and no amount of soothing words from Dimitri could calm her. Sonya announced that it was probably time for feeding and then bed, and I had to agree. Somehow, the evening had gotten away from us. Karo had put Zoya down a while ago, and while I wasn't sure when it had happened, Paul had fallen asleep tucked up against his grandmother. Olena was still gently running her hand over his hair, looking utterly content to have her entire family under one roof again.
Dimitri passed Katya to her mother before insisting on carrying Paul up to his bed instead of waking the poor kiddo. I almost laughed at how easily he lifted Paul as if the 10-year-old was no heavier than the week-old babe he had just been fawning over. After a few more goodnight wishes, it was suddenly just Dimitri and me.
Which was just fine with us.
We watched as the last of the flames in the fireplace faded into smoldering embers in silence. Dimitri lounged on the couch with me settled between his legs and leaning back into him. His arms were wrapped around me as his lips trailed kisses from the crown of my hair to the base of my collar.
"I can't stop touching you," he admitted between kisses. "I've missed you so much. I've thought of you every day and dreamt of you every night, but I still somehow forgot how beautiful you truly are. How did I manage to stay away so long?"
"You had other responsibilities. I understand. It sucks, but we knew it would." I pulled away from his wandering lips, twisting just enough in his arms so that I could look him in the eyes. "And you're here now. That's what matters."
As I settled back into his embrace, I teased him a little. "You know you're going to give in and let Vika stay with you at the end of the summer, right?"
His youngest sister had been relentless earlier, begging him to let her come visit before school started again in the fall. Dimitri had kept a strong 'we will talk about this later' stance, but it was already clear (to me, at least) that he would make it happen.
"Probably," He said with a slight chuckle. "I have to talk to Lissa, though. I know when classes at Lehigh are going to start, but I haven't gotten the dates for freshman orientation yet."
Lissa had been admitted to the school without issue because of her grades and had already settled on a political science major. Before her family passed and left her with the Dragomir title, I would have guessed that she would have gone into something like history, anthropology, or some other 'study-this-fascinating-old-stuff' type of major, but Lissa was prudent. She'd be entangled in Court politics for the rest of her life and wanted to be prepared for it. And now it seemed like Eddie would be getting his poli-sci degree, too. I didn't envy him in that regard. I know I would have been bored out of my mind, and I'm sure it would drive him crazy too. Hopefully, Lissa would throw him a bone and let him choose an elective or something.
"Plus," he added, "if she visits, it should be while we are at Court, not in the field."
I stilled. Something in Dimitri's voice told me that his insistence was about more than just convenience. "Safety concerns?"
"Yes and no. You know there's always more of a risk outside of heavily protected areas like one of the academies or Court. Even with the wards we'll eventually place around the Lehigh residence, it won't ever have the same security as one of the strongholds." He tucked his hand into mine, squeezing it in a quick reassurance. "I'll make sure that it is as safe as it possibly can be, don't worry. I have someone gathering a few possible residence options right now. As soon as I get back, I'll be putting a security plan together."
I felt myself relax again. I trusted Dimitri. He was one of the best, and there was a reason he was hand-selected to protect the last Dragomir. And while it was true that there would always be an inherent risk, I knew that he would do anything and everything in his power to minimize that risk and make sure they were fully protected.
"The real reason I'd prefer she visits while we're staying at Court is so that she can look at that as a potential assignment option. I'm not saying she shouldn't take a personal guard offer, but it would give her a look at the wider opportunities out there."
I smirked, even though I knew he couldn't see it from where he was sitting behind me. "Are you sure you aren't just being a protective older brother who wants to keep his eye on her?"
"No," he replied, dragging out the word and hinting that he might not be 100% truthful with it. "I just…okay, maybe I'm a little protective. I didn't have to worry about this with Karo and Sonya. It's a bit unsettling to think of my baby sister out there risking her neck in a job that has a 15% mortality rate within the first five years."
"That high?!" I suddenly understood his fears. I wasn't just worried about Vika now, but also Eddie and every other classmate I had known growing up. We all knew that death was one of the many risks that came with the guardian calling. Still, nobody had ever really given us statistics. The idea that one out of every six of my classmates might be gone before they turned 23 made my stomach sour. I wondered how many people Dimitri had grown up with were already gone. And while Dimitri was past his five-year mark, that didn't mean he was without risk too.
"Unfortunately, yes. The academies prepare students as much as possible, but sometimes it's still not enough." As if reading my mind, he assured me, "After the first five years, that rate drops to only about 7%. More than any of us would like, of course, but significantly better."
I nodded. It was better, but it was still terrifyingly high.
"Hey," he whispered, knowing exactly where my thoughts had run to in fear. When I didn't immediately answer him, he wiggled his fingers against my ribs and tickled me until I had no choice but to smile again. "I'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen to me. Okay?"
"You can't know that." I kept my worried voice low as if fate might overhear us and bring my fears to light. I didn't want him to make promises he couldn't keep.
He considered things for a moment, looking me in the eye as his brow furrowed. I knew he wanted to wash away my fears and anxiety, but we both knew the risks were completely out of his control. Still, I wished he could just say some magic words, and everything would be alright. I might even believe him if he did.
With a sigh and a kiss on my temple, he offered me the best he possibly could. "You're right. But what I can promise is that I'll do everything I possibly can to stay safe. I'll never go into a situation recklessly or put myself and others at unnecessary risk."
It didn't alleviate all my fears, but I knew it was honest. In one smooth motion, Dimitri pulled me from beside him onto his lap so that I was straddling him. He lowered his head so our foreheads touched, almost as if he was making a vow and I was the alter.
"I have more to fight for than ever before, Roza. I promise I will do everything in my power to come back to you. If nothing else, I need you to remember that. I love you; no matter what happens, that will never change."
I didn't even realize that I was crying until he brushed a tear from my cheek. I leaned into his touch, turning to kiss his palm before he combed his fingers through my hair. "Kiss me."
With that, we sealed his promise.
Author's Note
I am so happy to have these two back together again! I wish I could say it was forever, but I can promise that there will be a couple fun moments in the chapters ahead. Anything in particular that you hope to see from their little visit?
Question of the Week: Who is your current book boyfriend/book crush?
Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and comments. I know I wasn't able to get to everyone last week, but please know that I appreciated each and every message. You guys make my day. Thank you for reading.