Chapter 13: Birth of a Calamity
Each day seemed to pass as quickly as an intake of breath. And with how things were progressing, bringing me closer to my last.
After taking a day to recuperate from my harrowing experience with Yunalesca, I went to work, trying to will the remaining life-force inside that vial to move on my command. And after about a day of using the same tactic I had in the Lifestream—it worked! Well…sort of. I'd been able to make it stop and reverse its flow. At least I thought I had. But I hadn't been able to replicate it after.
Auron had suggested I take a break to clear my head. And he was right. But time was a precious commodity for me. Nevertheless, I'd permitted myself a short rest, using that time to humor Tidus and provide him with the information he'd been pestering me about for days now.
That short break ended up being a lot longer than I'd planned though.
I should've known our conversation about the future would've taken more than an hour or two. As expected, he had many questions. And I had to dance around quite a few in order to keep him from learning about his origins. Thankfully, the more shocking elements had been revealed to him weeks ago when he'd first learned the truth about me and Spira, making our conversation much smoother than our initial one had been.
Watching his eyes gleam with hope, however, had me riddled with guilt. He would never remember any of what we spoke of, our time there together…none of it. The ache in my heart had been so palpable that I'd actually felt my chest tighten a little. I could now add 'making a deal with a goddess' to what had become a long list of regrets.
It was two days before Sin's pending attack when everything had changed though. That module of Shinra's… I was certain the image of that cursed, disk-shaped device would be burned into my mind for years to come. I'd never stared at an object for so long in my entire life. The patience… The frustration… The agony!
All of my energy had been poured into that damn piece of metal to where I thought my brain would explode. Love, desire, anger, fear, malice…. Arrghh! I'd been on the brink of madness!
Then, finally, it happened…
Mip, mip… Mip, bip… Meep… Meeep…
I'd been so stunned to see the module light up and make some noise that I scrambled off the sofa so fast, I lost my balance and collapsed to my knees, almost dropping the device in the process.
I did it! I thought to myself, giggling with glee.I was going to make it home after all!
And then…
Meep… Mip, bip… Mip… Neuuuuuooommm…
The module had darkened and went silent.
That's when I'd finally lost it and had a complete and utter meltdown…
"N-n-n-no! No! This is not happening!" Distraught, I shook the device as though that would somehow make it work again. When nothing happened, I threw my head back, and in a long, agonizing wail cried, "Noooo!"
Tidus, thankfully, had been at Bliz practice at the time and was spared witnessing my nervous breakdown. But Auron… Well, he'd been lurking around somewhere, I suppose. Not that it'd stopped me from completely losing it though.
The rage that'd been festering inside had erupted into a chaotic storm of flying glass vases, ceramic cups, and whatever else I could get my hands on to whip and shatter against the living-room wall.
All the ruckus I'd been causing had quickly alerted Auron, who came rushing up from the lower level and over to me.
"What's the meaning of this!?" he thundered, wrenching a mug out of my grasp and rescuing it from my wrath. That stern voice sobered my thoughts. Breaths heavy, I watched as my guardian calmly set the mug down onto the dining-room table and pitched me a look of deep disapproval. "You're better than this, Yuna."
No… No, I wasn't. The rage that'd consumed me had now sullied into despair.
"I… I had it working!" I choked, pointing over to the module I'd tossed onto the coffee-table before I went berserk. "But then…" My voice cracked with emotion, and I began to quiver. "It's no use. I failed. It's over!" I croaked, hugging my arms for comfort. "It's all over…"
Looking away from my guardian, I crumbled into a fit of heaving sobs. I didn't care what he thought—not anymore. I was on the cusp of losing everything.
Instead of receiving the admonishment I'd been anticipating, Auron strode over and stunned me by pulling me into his arms for a comforting embrace. It was…awkward and familiar all at the same time. I suppose it reminded me of the last time my father had held me before embarking on his pilgrimage. And that wasn't very reassuring.
"I'm…not very good at these things."
If I hadn't been so distraught, I probably would've expelled a tiny chuckle at his honesty. Auron never openly showed affection. It was always on a more subtle level. Nevertheless, his gesture was greatly appreciated. But because of its rarity, that alone was enough confirmation that all hope was lost.
Shamelessly burying my face further into his haori, I sobbed even harder.
"You mustn't give up yet. You were able to get the module to work once. You'll get it to work again."
"I'm… I'm out of time," I continued to croak into his red coat.
"Sin is not posed to attack until the eve after next. You still have time." When my sobs quieted a little, Auron drew back and looked me in the eye. "I won't allow you give up. You can do this. I know you can. And somewhere deep down, you know you can as well."
"Then why…" I hiccupped then sucked back a long sniffle. "Why haven't I been able to yet?"
"Because you're afraid. And not just about dying."
"Of what then?"
"The amount of power you've been gifted with, and the heavy burden that comes along with it."
"You're wro—" The words died on my lips as I gave more thought to what he'd mentioned. Could he have been right? All I'd wanted since Vegnagun was to live a normal life with Tidus. No more rushing off to save Spira. I was tired of it. Now, Spira faced its greatest threat yet. And as always, I would be the only one capable of coming to its rescue. "I… I suppose you could be right."
"I know I am. Now, dry your eyes and go get cleaned up," Auron instructed in a parental tone, gaze drifting away to survey all the destruction in the room. "I'll take care of this…mess before Tidus returns. It's best he doesn't learn of what happened here."
And I couldn't help but agree with him. Tidus would question why I'd reacted in such a manner, still believing he had the power to change the future if I failed. That truth and the truth about his origins had to remain buried at all costs.
Taking Auron's words to heart, I supressed my fears for the time being and proceeded to focus on the life-force coursing through Shinra's device, and bending to my will.
But no matter how hard I'd tried over the next twenty-four hours, I couldn't get the module to come to life again.
I really had failed.
Now, the day of reckoning was upon me. And I had to find a way to come to terms with the inevitable. This time tomorrow night, I would be gone. I was going to die, unless by some miracle I could get that module to work by then. But I'd already prepared for the worst—I had to, along with other arrangements for the dreaded night ahead.
Earlier that day, while Tidus was at practice, Auron had helped me to gather all of my belongings acquired there in Zanarkand. We then stuffed them into a trunk inside Tidus' old room, which we planned to dump overboard later that night once my beloved fell asleep. There could be no trace of me when he woke the next morning. We had to make sure of that.
Auron then suggested we stay at a hotel afterward and into the following day. There, I would have less than seventeen hours to make a miracle happen or face certain death.
That was the plan we'd hatched. But like any plan, it rarely went the way you'd expect.
For one, putting up a brave and chipper façade for my beloved had been agonizingly painful. I thought I would've been more prepared for such a task, since I'd already done it once before during my pilgrimage. Back then, I was seventeen and far more naïve. I wasn't pregnant either. And I hadn't really experienced life at that age like I had in these past three and a half years. Everything had changed. I had changed.
Tidus, however, had seen right through my guise as always and tried to assure me that everything would be fine. He knew what to do. There was no reason to worry. He had this. Right…
He had no idea what I'd condemned us to.
Of course with it being our last night in Zanarkand, together, Tidus wanted to make love. Not that his request was different from any other night. This time though… Well, it might very well be the last time I ever made love to him. And my heart sank at the thought.
For Tidus, it would be the last time we'd make love for three years. What he didn't realize was that he'd never remember any of it.
The more I thought about this being our last encounter, the more emotional I became during our lovemaking. I was fighting back tears. And from the way Tidus' eyes glazed over, I knew he was doing the same.
Those tender kisses accompanied by his meaningful thrusts felt so…final. It was as though we were crafting our own tragic love song. An end to an epic romance. The finale to our story. A story that never had a chance at the always it'd been promised.
And I could bear it no longer…
Sliding a hand to the back of his neck, I tugged my beloved down and devoured his lips with a salacious hunger.
Tidus, surprised by my gesture, grunted and lost his balance, providing me with the perfect opportunity to roll him beneath me.
Now, I was the one in control. And this somber dance needed to end.
Instead, it became desperate and needy in the form of raw, primal aggression. The man lying beneath me had become my prize chocobo for the moment and I was riding him into the night like a savage fiend.
"Ah Yuna…" Those strong hands of his slid up the curves of my waist to cup and steady my bouncing breasts. "You're so…damn hot."
Yes, this was exactly what I had in mind. Steamy, hot, mind-blowing sex—the kind that left you sore for days with bruises on your body. If this was my last time with Tidus then I wanted it to be so intense I'd still feel it upon entering the Farplane.
Just as I leaned down to steal a sloppy kiss, Tidus sat up, adjusted us into a sitting position, and greedily yanked my hips onto him with every powerful thrust.
I released a muffled moan against his lips and raked my nails down his back to where he'd have welts in the morning. He felt so good. He'd always felt good. It was as though we were made for each other, mind, body, and soul.
Those magnificent lips of his left mine, only to adhere to my neck where he aggressively nipped and sucked on the delicate flesh, almost certainly leaving behind a mark.
We carried on that way for some time, grinding our hips together while clawing and nipping at each other's flesh as though we were a couple of wild beasts.
That pool of heat swirling in my belly began to spread. I could feel the beginnings of those pleasurable tremors deep inside. But I couldn't let it happen. I didn't want this to end. I didn't want our love to end.
"S-slow down," I panted, struggling to keep my emotions at bay. "I… I want this to last."
After a couple grunts, Tidus breathlessly uttered, "We… Still got… Ahh… Tomorrow."
No… No we didn't. This was it. The last time we'd make love.
"Tidus… Please…"
"I promise we'll—ah, yeah... Mmm..."
That was a promise he wouldn't be able to keep.
Fighting back tears, I pushed past the ache in my heart and surrendered to the physical pleasure of being joined to the only man I'd ever loved.
"Omigosh, I… Ah!" With a quiver, I plunged over that blissful edge and cried,"I love you!"
My beloved was a little short on words, having reached his pinnacle at almost the same time as I had. That didn't stop him from trying though.
"Yun—arghhh!" Three powerful thrusts followed. He then gazed deeply into my eyes with that dopey smile and smothered my lips in a fierce kiss that ended far too quickly for my liking.
"I love you, too, Yuna." Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, he rested his forehead against mine and breathlessly whispered, "More than you'll ever know."
Those emotions of mine were threatening to surface once more. Swallowing my feelings, I eased back onto the pillows with my beloved and cuddled against his chest.
We laid in silence for several minutes, our steady breaths the only sound in the room.
The quiet hadn't brought me any comfort though. Tidus would fall asleep soon and forget everything about me. There'd be no 'good-bye's' or anything of the sort. It would just be…over.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Hmm…? Oh, I… I'm fine."
"You don't sound it. This about tomorrow?"
My only response was a troubled sigh. I couldn't bring myself to answer. The emotions that would spill out… I couldn't let it happen.
"C'mon, don't get all depressed on me now. We still got all mornin' and afternoon, y'know? And really, when ya think about it… After Sin sucks me and Auron into Spira, you'll be transported home almost immediately after, right? Because once I change things it'll be like a ripple effect through time. Yeah…or something like that, right?"
Hot tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall at any second. Don't cry. Don't cry. You can't cry or he'll know something's wrong.
With a deep breath, I replied on the exhale, "Yes, I… I suppose it'll be…something like that."
"I won't let you down, Yuna. I promise."
But I let us down. And my stomach continued to plummet at the thought. If I was going to successfully execute my plan to leave that night, I needed to stop thinking altogether and just concentrate on my lover's breathing.
"G'nite Tidus. I love you."
His body suddenly tensed, suggesting he was uneasy about something. But instead of voicing any concerns, he switched off the lamp and pulled me into his arms to cuddle.
"I love you, too."
For a moment, I was worried Tidus would confront me on how dismissive I'd been. Thankfully, for whatever reason, he'd decided not to. Now, it was time to focus on listening to his breaths. Simple enough, right?
Wrong.
Every second felt like a blow to the chest. There were moments I wanted to say something…anything, so we could continue having a conversation. But I'd only be delaying the inevitable. Not to mention, robbing myself of what little time I had to perform a miracle—one I seriously doubted I would achieve.
Once I was sure Tidus had fallen asleep, I swallowed the thump that'd formed in my throat, eased out of his arms, and quickly changed into my gunner outfit that was littered across the floor.
Not once did I peer over at him. I couldn't... If I did, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to leave.
Inhaling deeply, I made my way over to the door, unlocked it, then gripped the nob and began to slowly turn it to the right.
The room suddenly lit up in a warm glow.
"Where're you going!?"
I gasped and whirled around, stunned to find Tidus sitting up in bed with the night-lamp on, wide awake, and peering over at me with an unsure expression.
"Yuna…?"
A feeling of dread twisted in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"I, um… I was just going to the kitchen for a snack."
"Fully dressed?" His brow creased in skepticism. "Why not just put on your robe like you always do?"
"I, um…" This wasn't going very well at all.
Tossing off the covers, Tidus shucked on his boxers and hurried over to me. "I'll go with you. I kinda worked up an appetite too, y'know?"
He wasn't hungry. He was calling my bluff.
"Actually, I'm feeling a little queasy all of a sudden." Feigning illness, I rubbed a hand over my stomach and inched my way back toward the bed. "I think I'll lie back down, if that's—"
"Stop lying to me," his tone was icy and stern, much like his expression, freezing me in place. "What's going on, Yuna?"
This particular scenario wasn't one I'd prepared for. Though, I really wish I had. Anything I presented to him as an excuse would now be seen for what it really was—a lie. And involving Auron at this point would only make things worse. I was on my own.
"Are you gonna answer me?"
My mouth opened and closed a couple times but the words never came. There was nothing I could say. I'd clammed up.
Raking a hand through his tousled hair, Tidus thinned his lips then slowly swept his head in disbelief. "You were gonna leave, weren't ya?" He then tossed me a hurtful glance. "Why? I don't get it."
"Tidus, I…" My voice was shaky and full of remorse. "I don't want to hurt you."
"That's exactly whatcha be doin' if ya left me tonight. So, there's gotta be something else going on here." He took a step toward me, and I found myself taking a step back, only deepening the hurt in his eyes. "Man, whatever you're hiding must be pretty bad. You gonna tell me, or do I gotta keep guessing?"
"Let's just go back to bed."
"Why, so you can take off the moment I pass out?" His brow dipped low in offence. "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"
"Tidus, please…" Fighting back tears, I drew in a quick breath and hugged my arms. "This is not how I want to remember us and our last night together."
"This isn't our last night together!" he refuted. "I'm gonna go to Spira like I'm supposed to, follow everything you said to a tee, and make sure we steer clear of Djose the day Shinra summons us there, okay? You won't be anywhere near that damn time machine when it goes berserk. We've—"
"Just stop, please…"
"No, I'm not finished," he persisted, chopping the air with arm for emphasis. "We've been over this I don't know how many times now. Do you really think I'm that stupid and selfish that I'm gonna deviate in any way just to satisfy my needs and jeopardize our future? C'mon Yuna… You told me not to cross the rift under any circumstances, and I listened. What's it gonna take for you to trust me?"
"Tidus, I…"
"Y'know… I have faith in us and the love we share. I have faith in you. But do you really have such little faith in me?"
Those words were like a harpoon to the chest, so sharp and intense that it sucked all the air out of my lungs in the process. It hurt so much… And that's because he might've been right. No… He was right. I'd lost faith in so many things and so many people since my pilgrimage. But the one person I should've never lost faith in was him. And that may have very well cost us everything.
"Tidus, I'm…" I sucked back a sniffle and brushed a stray tear off my cheek. "I'm so sorry."
That sweet boyish face softened some. "What aren't ya telling me, Yuna? And don't lie to me this time."
Revealing the deal I'd struck with that goddess would only crush him. It was better this way.
"Can we discuss this in the morning? I'm not feeling well."
His agitation with me had clearly elevated from the way he was poking the inside of his bottom lip with his tongue. "Fine. You go back to bed. I'm gonna go put on a pot of coffee."
Uh-oh. "But… I thought you'd join me."
Folding his arms, Tidus set his jaw resolutely and huffed. "I'm not sleeping tonight. You refuse to tell me what you're hiding. All I know is how badly you want me to go to bed. So, I'm doing the opposite." He then made his way over to the door, grabbed the handle then paused to peer over his shoulder at me. "Come see me when you're ready to talk."
"Tidus, wait…"
"I'm not coming to bed, Yuna."
That much I knew. And as much as I'd love to believe Materia's spell would be limited only to that night, I knew better. The spell was designed not to take effect until the eve of Sin's attack. It didn't matter if Tidus stayed up until dawn, he'd fall asleep eventually, and the result would be the same. His memories of us meeting there and falling in love would be wiped from his mind forever.
Then, there was the other issue of Auron not being aware that, he too, would lose his memories of our time spent there together. I could only imagine the chaos that would ensue from Tidus discovering my secret in that way. Auron waking up clueless only for Tidus to lose his mind on the day he was set to go to Spira.
No. It was too risky. I had to deal with this now in my own way. And I wasn't so sure I had the stomach for it.
"I'm not asking for you to come to bed," I clarified, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress. "I'm asking for you to sit with me, so we can talk."
Abandoning his stance at the door, Tidus cautiously approached me, eyes narrowed in skepticism. "Are you gonna tell me the truth about whatcha been hiding?"
"Yes," I confirmed with a nod. "But I need you to try and remain calm while I do so."
"Yeaahh… I'm not liking the way this is starting out."
"Either you want to know or you don't."
Tidus finally took a seat on the mattress next to me, brows knit with worry and hands balled on his lap, bracing for whatever I was about to reveal to him.
Oh gosh was my stomach ever doing summersaults. I wasn't sure I could go through with this. What I was about to say… What it would do to him… It was going to be so much worse than that night Allie came by. I had to keep reminding myself that he'd never remember any of it, and take solace in that fact.
"Yuna…?"
"I, um…" Well, here goes. "Remember that night Auron and I went through the rift into Spira?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, when I was in the Farplane, I didn't just meet with the fayth. There was someone else."
"Okay…"
"A goddess we apparently had met before but had no memory of. I know that sounds really strange. And believe me it was. My presence in Spira at the time threatened her world. A world that we had helped prevent from being destroyed at some point."
"So what did she want?"
"For me to leave Spira immediately."
"Well, it's not like you were gonna stay. Being there threatened your existence."
"Which is why she wanted me to leave."
"Okay, so… I don't get why this is so bad."
"I'm getting to that part." Looking away, I twisted the hem of my half-skirt in my hands and drew in a quick breath for courage. "I made a deal with her, Tidus."
"What kind of deal?"
"One that…cannot be reversed."
"What kind of deal, Yuna?" his voice rose slightly in agitation.
"You have to understand, I didn't think the fayth would even appear to me at that point, let alone aid me in any way, so I—"
"Yuna, just tell me, already!" he all but barked, causing my stomach to clench.
"I… I vowed to leave Spira right away, so long as she wiped your memory and Auron's on the eve of Sin's attack."
The color quickly drained from his face. "You…what?" his words came in an anguished whisper, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "W-why…? Why would you…"
"I thought since I had a sample of Spira's life-force, we'd manage to get the module to work like Auron had mentioned. There was always a risk that it wouldn't, but I…" My throat tightened as my own tears began to fall. "I really thought it would. And I needed to have a plan in place…in case it failed."
"Just not mine, right?" Sucking back a sniffle, Tidus brushed away the tears that'd escaped his eyes then looked up at the ceiling with a huff. "So, she was gonna show up tonight when I was down for the count and wipe my memory?"
"No… She's not coming here in person. She can't, actually."
"What're you saying then?"
"The spell was cast upon me when I was with her, then transferred to you the moment you pulled me out of the water when the rift disappeared. It's set to activate when you fall asleep tonight…or any time after."
"So…staying up all night won't stop it?"
"No... You'll only be delaying the inevitable."
And just like that—reality had sunk in.
Tidus bounded off the bed, knotted his hands in his hair and began to pace, face twisted in unimaginable torment. "How could you…?" he choked back a sob. "I just don't… I don't get it! We had a Plan B! And you just threw it all away!? Our future—you just…threw it all away!"
"Tidus, please…"
"No!" he croaked through tears, arms falling lip at his sides. "You were the first person I ever met that made me feel like I mattered—that I was more than just the star player for the Abes. For so long I felt like there was a part of me missing…until I met you. When I'm with you, I feel like a whole person." He paused to suck back a long sniffle. "I love you so much I'd trade my life for you. I'd give up everything—my own damn existence if I could! And you just…" He paused once again to gulp back more tears and throw his arms up in exasperation. "You just threw me away!"
Every syllable that fell from his lips tore me up inside. Those sweet, boyish features were now marred in despair. And it was all my fault. I'd done this to him. It was like watching him being murdered right in front of me and being unable to stop it. Only I was the murderer.
Breaths heaving, Tidus set his hands on his hips and shut his eyes for a moment in an effort to calm himself. "Y'know," he panted, now staring at the floor lost in thought, "from all you've told me about the future and what we'd been through… I just realized something. And I have to wonder if the me in the future had ever came to this conclusion."
I remained silent, dreading whatever he was about to say.
"I'm not your greatest love, Yuna," his tone had an edge of bitterness to it. Then, suddenly, his gaze was upon me, broken and laden with grief. "Spira is."
"That's not true!"
"You refused to trust me. You chose Spira over us and our child!" Face now pinched in anguish, he hollered, "How the hell could you do that!?"
Those words were like a dagger to the heart, piercing through and leaving me to bleed out in a pool of sorrow and regret. He had every reason to feel betrayed. But I wasn't sure if I could take much more.
"I made a huge mistake that I…" Pausing, I sucked back a loud sniffle of my own then continued. "That I wish I could undo. But I can't. I just… You need to know that my decision had nothing to do with Spira and everything to do with you and ensuring your existence. There'd be no flawless execution with this. If even one aspect went wrong it could jeopardize you becoming…" I stopped right there, stunned at what I'd almost revealed then immediately deflected. "I didn't bring the Eternal Calm, Tidus—you did. You were the key to saving Spira. You are what's important to Spira and…important to me."
"Important to you?" he echoed with a tearful scoff. "Is that why you just condemned me to a lifetime of torment!?"
"Tidus, I…" That dagger was twisting further into me by the second. And for a moment, I thought my heart would cease beating. In fact—a part of me wished it would've. "I never intended for this to happen. Do you… Do you think I want to die here alone!? I wanted so badly to be your wife, to be a mother to our child, to…to finally have a life together!"
Burying his face into his hands, Tidus expelled a long, agonizing howl into his palms that had my stomach stink to whole new depths.
"You deserve so much better than me," I squeaked, voice small and strained with emotion. "You'll love again. I promise."
"No Yuna…" His hands slid down his tear-streaked face, and he peered over at me, eyes rimmed red. "You're it for me. We both know it, too."
"Our friends will be there for you. Wakka, Rikku, and everyone—they'll help you to move on and heal."
That grave expression of his suddenly turned fierce. "Will they still feel that way once I kill Shinra and completely lose my friggin' mind!?"
"You won't do that."
Wiping the remaining tears off his face, Tidus raked a hand through his flaxen whips and released a heavy breath. "You're right, I won't." He then returned to the bed and sat next to me on the mattress, now oddly calm with a resigned look on his face. "Because I won't be there to do it."
My pulse quickened. "Wh-what're you talking about?"
"You're not gonna die here alone, Yuna. I'm not going to the game tomorrow. And I'm not going to Spira either. I'm gonna take an adrenaline potion tonight—that'll keep me awake for more than twenty-four hours. Then we'll stay here and make love all day, until…until the end. And then, we'll be together…always—the three of us, our souls for all eternity."
The weight of his words had reduced my heart into a heap of ash. It didn't work that way. He didn't have a choice in this. But nevertheless, this was what I'd been afraid of—Tidus giving up on life.
My beloved went to cup my face in his hands, and I couldn't help but burst into tears. "Shhh… It's okay. You're not gonna be alone, Yuna. We'll be together when it happens. We'll be in each other's arms."
This was not what I wanted. This is not what I wanted for him.
Just as Tidus captured my lips in a tender kiss, I wound my arms around him and concentrated on what I had to do.
After a moment, my beloved drew back and released a yawn. "Why do I feel so tired all of a sudden?" That gorgeous cerulean gaze adhered to mine then narrowed in an accusatory manner. "Did you…" He then glanced down at my hands, which were still gripping his arms, and his eyes widened in shock. "Are you casting a spell on me!?"
My silence was all the confirmation he needed.
With a grunt, he tried to shove me away. But I'd anticipated as much and threw all my weight into him, pushing him back and pinning him down onto the mattress. If it weren't for my sleep spell finally taking effect, Tidus would've tossed me off of him with ease. Still, he was much bigger and stronger than me, so holding him down wasn't an easy task.
The more Tidus fought against the spell, the more his strength waned and his eyelids began to droop.
"Why are you doing this to us!?" Weakly grappling with me on the bed, he began to whine, "Why…? You promised always."
"I'm so sorry…"
"I thought…" His fingers were now clawing limply at my arms, helplessly trying to pry them off. "I thought you loved me."
A river of remorse flowed down my cheeks and fell onto his bare chest. His words had once again stabbed at my heart. "I do love you. I'll always love you. That's why I'm doing this. So you can live and have a life."
"I don't want," he hiccupped through tears, "a life…without you."
Leaning down, I left a feathery kiss upon his lips then whispered into his ear, "I'll be waiting for you in the Farplane. But until then, live and love again."
When I drew back, my beloved's face was scrunched into a mournful expression, eyes pleading for me to reverse this somehow.
"Forgive me, my love. It wasn't supposed to end this way."
The torment on his face began to ease along with his breaths, his eyelids fluttered closed, and a soft snore escaped his lips.
It was done.
That ache in my heart intensified and my bottom lip began to quiver. Knowing what would come next, I carefully climbed off my sleeping lover then slid down the mattress, knocking what I'd thought was a pillow onto the floor in the process.
It wasn't a pillow though. Laying face up on the carpet, staring at me with that winning grin, was the teddy-bear Tidus had given me—his promise of us having a life together.
I cupped a hand over my mouth, stifling a mournful cry. Honestly, I never even wept this much the night Tidus disappeared on the Fahrenheit. This was a whole new level of torment I never thought I'd experience.
Couching down, I scooped up the plush toy in my arms then curled into a fetal position against the wall, clutching it tightly against my chest.
The tears came once more, accompanied by silent sobs. My beloved Tidus was gone now. When he woke, he'd have no memory of me or the love we shared. We'd never be reunited in the future either. And we'd never meet the tiny life we created.
I wish I'd never met that goddess. And I wish I'd never gone to Djose that day!
Through my quiet anguish, I thought I'd heard a creek, but ultimately ignored it, too wrapped up in my own grief to care.
Suddenly, a strong pair of arms cradled me and lifted me off the floor.
Of course… Auron.
Without a word, my guardian carried me out into the hall, up to the main level, and out of the houseboat I'd called home for almost seven weeks now.
Just as we turned down the docks, I remembered something important and stopped weeping long enough to gasp. "The trunk!"
"I took care of it earlier in the night."
"Oh…"
And those were the only words we exchanged until we arrived at the marina parking lot, where he finally set me down in order to rent a vehicle.
"Wait here."
As if I had anywhere else to go at that point.
In a matter of minutes, Auron returned with a set of keys in hand and gestured toward a silver-colored sedan. "Come. We don't have time to waste."
Auron, for whatever reason, still believed in me and these new Mystic powers I'd acquired. Perhaps even he couldn't bear the thought of me perishing here like this. Or perhaps…I really was the problem and this self-defeating attitude I just couldn't shake.
Finding a hotel with any vacancies on the eve of the Jecht Memorial Cup had been a bit of a challenge. But after about an hour, we'd finally scored a room at the prestigious Delmont hotel located just a block away from the stadium. As though any of that really mattered anymore…
As soon as we entered our room, I claimed one of the two double-beds provided and neatly propped the teddy-bear against its fluffy pillows. Then, I removed the pouch containing the module and the vial from around my waist and carefully set it onto the nightstand.
Auron took a seat on the bed across from me, giving the room the once-over in doing so. "Hmph… A thousand gil a night. You'd think the gold trim on these walls were real for that price."
The room really was an immaculate display of blue, silver and gold décor. Not to mention the spectacular view it had of the city being on the hundredth floor and all. I would've loved to spend a night at a place like this with…Tidus.
"I take it things didn't go so well back there."
"I… I don't want to talk about it, if that's alright?"
"Understood. You must focus now more than ever on what needs to be done. The vial and the module, where are they?"
I gestured over to the nightstand. "Inside my pouch."
"You still have until tomorrow evening to get it to work. If I were you, I'd be using this time wisely. Or have you given up already?"
There was no use. I'd tried so hard for weeks now and had only managed to get the module to work for a brief moment. "I… I suppose I have."
"That doesn't sound like a summoner who permanently vanquished Sin and ushered in an Eternal Calm. What happened that caused you to become so…demoralized?"
"Reality," I answered with a bitter scoff. "The Eternal Calm wouldn't have happened without Tidus. I would've died like every other summoner, defeating Sin by using the final aeon. The cycle would've continued. Tidus broke that cycle. He was able to see beyond the veil of lies. Spira never needed me."
"I see… What about the machina weapon that was hidden away in the Farplane?"
"Vegnagun?"
"You dismantled it before it could destroy Spira, did you not?"
"That was a team effort. I'm sure Rikku, Paine and the others would've managed just fine without me."
"Hmph… So, you're saying the world would be a better place if you never existed?"
Staring down at my lap, I gave a weak shrug, avoiding his gaze.
"Do you honestly believe Tidus would've joined another summoner's pilgrimage and traded his existence for them as he did for you?"
Auron's question caught me a little off guard, forcing me to give it some thought.
"From everything you told me, Tidus was only concerned about finding a way back to Zanarkand at the beginning of your journey. That changed once he fell in love with you. I've seen you two together. You have something unique and very special. Without you, Tidus would've never fulfilled his destiny, and the cycle would've continued."
"I… I suppose I never thought of it that way."
"As for your friends, they would've never even uncovered Bevelle's secret weapon if it weren't for you, let alone destroy it. The sphere Kimahri found was the catalyst to that whole journey. A sphere of a young man that resembled Tidus. His name was Shuyin, was it not?"
"Yes."
"And I recall you mentioning the only way to quell his spirit was to reunite him with the spirit of his deceased lover. A spirit that was connected to you through a type of armor you possessed."
"It's called a dressphere."
"How would your friends have fared without that dressphere and its rather unique contents?"
"Um…" I was beginning to feel like I was on trial. "Not so well."
"So, they needed you, did they not?"
"I… I suppose."
"It seems to me like you played a vital role in Spira's future then." My guardian's stern gaze peered over those shades, challenging me to refute his conclusion. And I honestly couldn't. "I rest my case. Now, I suggest you get to work and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Or else this self-fulfilling prophecy of yours will come to pass."
Now, that was the Auron I remembered from my pilgrimage. He wasn't going to tolerate my defeatist attitude. And if my father were here, he wouldn't either. I'd been too busy punishing myself for all my foolish mistakes instead of trying to correct them. Inside, I possessed an ancient power as one of the last surviving Mystics. I had the means to change the future and my fate. I just had to start believing in myself again.
"You're right!" I perked up for the first time in days. "I can do this!"
"Then stop talking about it and start doing it."
"Yessir!"
Without wasting another moment, I dug out both the module and the vial, set them in front of me on the mattress where I was now sitting cross-legged, and prepared to focus on the task at hand.
Slowly but surely I'd made some progress into the wee hours of the morning. The energy inside the vial had begun to respond to my thoughts, inching itself in the directions I'd been visualizing. And for the first time in thirty-six hours I'd become hopeful.
With every achievement I made, no matter how small it seemed, Auron praised my accomplishment and encouraged me further. His unwavering support was exactly what I needed during this crucial time.
On my pilgrimage, Tidus had been my rock, my constant—the one to open my eyes to life and love. It was his love and support that'd guided me through those troubled times. He made me see the world differently, and forced me to face some uncomfortable truths about it.
But my journey in Zanarkand had been vastly different. Even though Tidus had offered much support, it wasn't the kind I'd needed. He wasn't the twenty-year-old man I'd left behind in Spira. There were still a lot of growing pains he would need to endure in order to become that man.
Auron, on the other hand, had been the rock I'd needed—the one to push and challenge me every step of the way. Most of all, he forced me to confront my fears, and what had become my greatest adversary—myself.
It was no wonder why Jecht had entrusted his son in Auron's care, and how my father had intended to do the same with me. Auron was the kind of parent who provided a perfect balance of empathy and tough love needed to overcome life's hard kicks to the face. He was the father I needed to guide me through that time.
After what seemed like several hours, I finally had a breakthrough. The life-force inside the vial had fully complied with several of my directional commands.
"Omigosh… I did it! Auron!"
But I wouldn't get a response.
Sometime during my deep concentration, I hadn't noticed the warm rays of what would be the last Zanarkand sunrise filter in through the window, and bathe the room in its golden glow. As for my guardian… Well, he was sprawled out on the other bed, fast asleep.
"Oh no…" I, unfortunately, hadn't warned him about the spell. And if I had, he probably wouldn't have stayed. This could pose a bit of a problem.
A muffled groan came from his pillow, causing my muscles to tense. He then rolled onto his side, facing me, and cracked open his undamaged eye.
We both gasped and scrambled off our respective beds.
Unsure what would happen, I shoved both the vial and the module into separate pockets in my shorts, grabbed the stuffed bear, and prepared to make a quick retreat.
"Forgive me, miss, but…I'm unable to recall how I got here," he paused to glance down at the canteen of sake at his side as though it held the answer, "or what had transpired between us last evening." Something about me caught his attention. He then slid his shades down the bridge of his nose to get a better look at whatever appeared to be on my neck, and his eye grew huge. "Pardon me for asking but…how old are you?"
Omigosh! Tidus! The hickey! He thinks we… "Oh, I—no that, um… I'm twenty. And no, we—no, that's not you," I stammered, gesturing to what must've been a very noticeable love bite on my neck. "I, um…" I needed to be on my toes with this one, or else he'd think the worst. "You saved me from a fiend last night. It was this…awful…blood-sucking fiend. And it had me by the neck. Thankfully, you showed up when you had and slaughtered it. You then insisted on seeing me back to my room here. You were so tired that I invited you to stay. It was the least I could do. And I felt…safer with you here. I… I owe you my life."
That sounded so much better in my head.
"You're…certain that's what happened?"
"Positive." He wasn't buying this at all, was he?
"I'd…better go." Once he reached the door, he paused before opening it to add, "This will sound odd. But I feel as though…I've known you for some time."
Just as I'd felt when I encountered Materia. "I can assure you, we'd only met the other night."
"Then I hope it was as you say, Miss…?"
Oh no. He wanted a name. "Oh, uh… Lenne."
"Stay out of the shadows, Miss Lenne. Fiends often appear in them. Good day." He then proceeded to open the door and leave.
"Good-bye Auron…" I whispered.
There was an emptiness that'd crept inside me when he walked out that door, and a harsh reality along with it. I was on my own now. There'd be no one championing me any further. But I'd already made monumental inroads in these last several hours. I'd learned how to control the life-force. The next step was to get the amount inside the module to power it up and bring me home.
A huge yawn escaped me just then. And I suddenly felt very...tired. According to the clock on the nightstand, it was ten in the morning. Sin was set to attack later this evening. Time was running out. But I couldn't focus feeling this drained. I desperately needed to take a nap…and a shower.
Once I had a chance to wash off yesterday's grime, and the last of Tidus' scent, I changed back into my gunner outfit, taking note in the mirror of the big, purple splotch on my neck. A faint smile tugged on my lips from the memory. It wouldn't be my last love bite from him. I just knew it wouldn't
With a renewed sense of hope, I made my way over to the bed I'd claimed, set the alarm-clock for noon, and laid back on the pillows, clutching the stuffed bear against my chest.
Tidus was probably up by now, having a coffee and preparing for the game. That goddess mentioned his mind would be a bit foggy when he woke. But the fact remained—he wouldn't remember anything. And I was fine with that upon reuniting with him in the future.
Rubbing a hand over my tummy, I thought about the child growing inside, and smiled at the incredible strength it already possessed to endure all it had to this point. My little miracle wanted to live just as much as I did.
"You're a tough little one, hmm?" I released another yawn then turned onto my side. "I suppose you'll…be like… Mmm..." And then, I was eclipsed by a peaceful darkness.
Arrrroooooooooooooo… Arrrrrooooooooooo...
Po, po, po… Poooommmm… Boom!
The sound of a tsunami siren followed by several explosions haunted my dreams.
I gasped and shot up in bed, only to discover that I hadn't been dreaming. A living nightmare was unfolding around me. There was a stampede of footsteps in the hall, accompanied by frightened screams. And the Zanarkand skyline was no longer lit by the vibrate rays of the sun, but with violent explosions against a starry night sky.
Either the alarm hadn't gone off or I'd slept right through it. At this point it didn't matter. I had to get the module working now or I was a goner.
Pulse racing, I grabbed the device out of my pocket and focused on controlling the energy within it.
All the chaos was making my task extremely difficult though.
"Drown it out, Yuna," I whispered to myself. "Drown it all out."
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't get the module to respond. It didn't make any sense. Then again, it made all the sense in the world. If the main device was still busted in the future, then it didn't matter what I did with the module.
When it lit up two days ago, I hadn't considered that it may have had nothing to do with me. Shinra may have managed to get the Quantum Bender working, even if it had only been for a brief moment.
And that could only mean one thing.
My stomach coiled at the thought. I had no way out of there.
Neeeooowww… Booom!
The room shook violently, knocking me off the bed and onto the floor.
Another wave of screams came from outside in the hall.
Then, I smelled it—smoke.
Clearly, the building had been struck by a blast several stories below. And it would only be a matter of time until the fires would spread.
With a groan, I snatched the module off the carpet and staggered to my feet.
A plume of smoke could be seen outside, rising up past the window. And in the distance, a familiar frightening sight—Sin.
"Dammit!"
Just when I thought things couldn't get much worse, I heard the sound of metal crunching and began to feel an intense pull.
The room around me began to bend by some type of gravitational force. And I knew what that meant. It was the end.
Staring death down was not something I enjoyed. It'd become an all too frequent occurrence since arriving in Zanarkand though. But this time was different. I wasn't resigned to such a fate. I was determined to do anything to avoid it.
Swiping the teddy-bear off the floor, I raced to the other end of the room, furthest from the window, stuffed the module into my back pocket then dug into the other one, retrieving the vial.
Sometimes it took the unthinkable to achieve what some considered impossible. Tidus helped to usher in an Eternal Calm by rejecting the order of Yevon and convincing us to look beyond the final summoning for answers. Shinra created a time machine by harnessing Spira's life-force. And two dreams became a pair of living souls by a deep bond of love and friendship they had for another.
I only hoped that what I was about to do would yield the same miraculous results.
Tucking the stuffed bear under my arm, I popped the cork out of the vial, tipped it against my lips, and sucked back the contents inside.
Adrenaline rushed through my veins. I dropped the empty vial onto the floor as my entire body began to tingle and shake. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. The closest I came to these sensations happened when I touched the life-force in the Farplane. But this was much more intense.
All of my senses were immediately heightened. I could hear the thoughts of everyone running past my room, smell their sweat, and feel their panic. But most of all, I felt…invincible.
"Auron! Auurroon!"
It was Tidus. That was Tidus shouting! I could hear him!
"You're sure?"
And…Auron? Who was he talking to?
"This is it. This is your story. It all begins here."
Suddenly the window shattered, sending glass flying in every direction. I shielded my face with my arms then bolted over to the opening and leapt into the air. There was no rhyme or reason for me doing what seemed like a suicidal act. It was all pure instinct at that point.
The moment I chose to consume the life-force inside that vial, was the moment I chose a different path. But I still had no idea where it would lead, or whether or not, it would still result in my death there.
Soaring… I was soaring through the air, gravitating toward that monstrosity in the sky that was sucking all of Zanarkand up like a vacuum.
Then, suddenly, I was falling—plummeting down alongside the collapsing buildings and overpasses, until I plunged into complete and utter darkness.
Zanarkand was gone. And I suppose I was as well.
I was all alone, floating in a darkened abyss—an abyss that suddenly brightened into a familiar sea of aqua-colored, streams of light.
"Welcome back, child." That voice sent a shiver right through me. Gracefully emerging out of the Lifestream, with her white locks flowing all around, was that twisted summoner I was, unfortunately, related to.
"How'd I get here? Did you…summon me here, again?"
"Poor, confused child… You are the one who brought us here."
"Me!?" To say I was baffled would be an understatement.
Yunalesca then drifted closer, arms extended in a welcoming gesture. "You are everything I thought you'd be."
Now, I was thoroughly confused. "I don't know what's happening here, but I still won't aid you in your lunacy."
"You consumed Spira's life-force."
"So what if I did?"
A wicked grin etched across her face. "Feels good, doesn't it?"
Unwilling to answer her question, I clutched the teddy-bear against my chest, and looked away. I didn't want to admit she was right or what that could mean.
"We're both the same, you know?"
"No, that's not true!"
"We both chose to consume the lifestream's flow." Her tone then turned low and dangerous. "Now through the looking-glass we go!"
Lunging forward, Yunaleasca latched onto my shoulders with an iron grip, sending us soaring through air in this weightless space.
I gasped, shocked by the physical contact. Then, my eyes widened at what that meant.
"Welcome home, child. You played your part well."
Before I could process what was happening, a sharp pain pulsed throughout my body, growing more intense by the second. "Arrrghhh!"
"Finally, that stable life-force is mine!" A haunting cackle sputtered out of her and echoed all around us. "Now, I alone, will have the power to end the planet's despair!"
I howled even louder in agony, feeling as though a part of me was being ripped away and torn asunder. Hot… It was so hot. Scorching… Burning…
"Arrgghh!"
That evil creature continued to unleash a maniacal laugh as she drained the life-force out of me. And I was certain she wouldn't stop there.
Everything made sense now. Why Yevon had wanted me dead, and why she didn't. I was the only one who could obtain what she needed. And Yevon… Well, he'd wanted to stop her. That demon was able to see into the future—my future because of our connection. She knew what I was going to do the whole time. And I'd just hand delivered her the means to completely obliterate Spira.
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Noooo!
Drawing on pure rage, I found a well of strength within and managed to blast her off me with a holy spell.
"You're too late, child." She cackled once more, seeming unfazed by my attack. "You're too late!"
The area suddenly darkened. Everything was gone, except for her maniacal laugh echoing in my ears. I was plummeting through that pitch-black abyss once again, unsure if I was about to enter the Farplane.
And then…
I landed on a cold, solid surface.
"Yunie!"