I would shun the light
Share in evening's cool and quiet
Who would trade that hum of night
For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight?
Sunlight - Hozier
April 9, 2005
It was half past four when Bella darted through the yard and up to the third floor balcony she knew to be Edward's. She could hear his heartbeat, knew the steady breaths to be his, so her initial fears were immediately assuaged. She could only sit still for so long while imagining his car wrapped around a tree before she wiped off that silly makeup and set off to look for him. She darted through the streets between their homes, and stopped and listened in at both the hospital and police station. People were bustling about, basking in the rare good weather, but other than that everything was quiet and suited to their sleepy town.
She dared to skip across the highway and through the forest where the Cullen house was nestled away. It was an immediate relief to know that he was alive. There was something so intensely terrifying about the thought of something happening to him. She couldn't resist, found herself driven by something outside of logic when she tapped on the french door.
She heard him stirring and waited for the blinds to be drawn away. His eyes widened as he saw her standing there, pressed to the corner where there was the mercy of a little shade, the hood of her sweater drawn up tightly. The only part of her that was visible was a sliver of her face, her brows pulled together in concern and her full lips pressed together tightly.
He opened the door quickly and ushered her inside.
"I'm such an asshole," he groaned, slamming the door behind him and yanking the blinds shut again. He overslept. His head was still pounding, and the sun wasn't helping anything.
"I'm just glad to see you're alright," Bella whispered. There were other people home, and the last thing she wanted was someone wondering how she ended up in Edward's bedroom. She surveyed him, assured that he was intact and not bleeding out in a ditch somewhere. Her studying turned to staring, though. He was shirtless, dressed in only a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips. His chest was rising and falling with each breath, his abdomen carved like statues she had seen only in books. But his skin was not without marks, scars littered across it like a map.
But her eyes were drawn to one in particular. An indent on his lower abdomen, the skin thick and dark. He followed her gaze and touched a finger to the sensitive skin, his mark of Cain.
"At least I kept one promise," he mumbled, turning away from her. He knew what she saw. She could see the plaster haphazardly scraped onto the wall to patch the places he punched through it, the debris of smashed CDs and the fragments of shredded paper when he tore them from a book he was struggling with.
"Did something happen?" Bella asked. She wanted to reach out to him. Really, she was wondering what the smooth skin of his chest would feel like, but sense took over and she folded her hands together to keep her fingers restrained. He sank to the edge of his bed, his head in his hands and elbows balanced on his knees. His fingers pressed to his temples, trying to relieve the pounding in his mind, but it was all so busy. He couldn't seem to turn it off.
"I told you I was no good at this," he laughed bitterly.
"It's okay," Bella said quietly. She didn't know what she was supposed to do- stand, sit, leave? It was all new. She'd never been in a boy's room before. And this wasn't just any boy, it was Edward Cullen, who was beautiful and terrifying and knew her darkest secret. It was the room of the boy who she put in danger by simply being near him, but she couldn't seem to stay away.
"I didn't feel great. Didn't sleep good, I guess. And I overslept." He slapped his palms against his forehead. "I am such an asshole."
"It's okay," she repeated.
"It's not okay. That was supposed to be your first date. I got flowers, I had a plan."
"It's your first date too," she reminded him. He looked up at her. She was looking at everything except him, and he found himself desperate to know what she was thinking. He didn't know if it was his place to ask, but he couldn't resist.
"Nothing," Bella said quickly, then sighed and the familiar faint smile settled on her lips. "You're just as messy as me. It's nice to know you're not completely perfect."
Edward barked out a laugh, but looked around at the disaster and had to agree.
"I can't imagine you living in a mess," he admitted.
"Maybe not anymore," Bella shrugged. "Mostly because I have to do something with my time. But oh boy, you should've seen my bedroom at home. Not a surface left uncovered."
"I would've liked to have seen that."
Bella's eyes pulled back to him, a burnished bright gold on full display. She wasn't hiding from him. Her skin was covered, but she might as well have been completely bare before him. He stood abruptly, not allowing her gaze to drop again, not caring if she wanted to look at the scar that he wanted to forget. He took a step forward so they were only inches apart. He stood several inches taller than her, and her tin tilted up to meet his stare. It was going to happen, wasn't it? Venom was flooding in her mouth but she did everything in her power to stay absolutely still, to just let it happen instead of wondering what his lips would feel like.
He blinked, though, and broke the spell. He took a step back again, trying to return to reason but realising he had no idea what he was doing. Flying blind wasn't Edward's modus operandi, but he had no metric to base this by. He'd never met a vampire before, much less wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to see her smile and laugh and make her fly.
"I'm fucking this up," he said, more to himself than anything else. "I'm supposed to take you out, then kiss you on the front porch with your dad watching through the window. This is the wrong order."
"I'm not exactly a traditionalist," Bella laughed, gesturing to herself as if there was something obvious he should be picking up on. "Where'd you get this order idea from?"
"Alice," he mumbled. He was plied with romantic comedy marathons, with clippings from teen magazines slipped under his door. She even managed to slip one in his pocket when he was on his way to the hospital and he almost gave it to a kid instead of the stickers he usually toted. Carlisle watched him close enough already, it was just what he needed to be caught giving Special Touches That Bring You Two Closer to a six year old girl getting a cast on her arm. He wanted to throttle her, but when he was home she was ironing a shirt for him and humming to a heavy metal song he'd left in his CD player.
"Alice," Bella said with a smile, shaking her head. "Then I guess you better get dressed and take me on our date."
Edward's eyes widened in surprise, but he pulled the shirt he left hanging in his closet and grabbed his pants off the dresser. "I just need a human minute," he said quickly in excuse, slipping into his bathroom. Bella listened as he furiously brushed his teeth, a brush ripping through his unruly hair and buttons clasping then snapping off as he rushed. He cursed under his breath, and Bella took the moment to peruse his room with more curiosity than she wanted to show in front of him. He had a huge CD collection, but it wasn't in any order she could make sense of. She noticed the impressions of his temper left on every corner, but wondered what could have triggered it. She wondered that a lot about him, she realised. The question was whether he would tell her or not, because he always seemed to be holding something back.
"Okay," Edward said breathlessly, throwing the door open but then holding a finger up as if he remembered something. "I'll meet you outside? Or should I go to your house and pick you up?"
"Outside is fine. Just around the bend, out of sight from the house."
"Give me a minute," he said. He took one last look at her, then darted out his door and raced down the stairs. Bella was faster still, though, and took a few more seconds to look around before letting herself out and jumping into the woods. She waited idly in the shade until the Volvo squealed down the gravel driveway. He seemed to almost lose control of the car but it swung back into place, and he reached over to open the door for her. The sun was still hanging over the treeline, threatening to sink but not quite there yet. Bella pulled her hood up tightly and darted into the safety of the car.
"Hey," Edward objected. "I thought I'd get to see you in the sun. It's only fair."
"What?" Bella said in surprise. Avoiding the sun was second nature, shadows her dearest friend.
"You saw the bulletwound," he said matter-of-factly, pulling up his shirt to demonstrate again, as if she could forget. As if she could forget anything.
"How'd it happen?" She asked.
His expression darkened, his eyes turned away. "Another time. You have to hold up your end of the bargain first."
Bella sighed, knowing it was inescapable. He would just keep asking, and she wanted to give in. "Not here," she capitulated. "With my luck, your whole family will be turning the corner at just the wrong time."
"Where do you want me to go?" Edward asked, dangerous thoughts dissipating, replaced with anticipation. "You're not gonna explode or anything, right?"
Bella just laughed and directed him onto the highway to the opposite direction of town, deeper into the park until there was a sign for a trail for him to pull off to. He parked at the end, fortunately where there were no people out, even on such a sunny afternoon. But Bella was still wary and slipped back to the cover of the trees. "Come on," Edward groaned. "There's no one here."
"Just come," Bella insisted. She pulled him to follow her, and his hand wrapped around hers instinctively. She was cold and firm, but her hand was so small and was completely enveloped in his. They left them clasped as they walked in silence, not on any trail but not through any sort of dense brush that might cause Edward issues.
"The sun is going to go down," Edward complained, peering up through the canopy to try to catch a glimpse of the late afternoon light.
"Maybe if you hadn't been so late…" Bella said, trailing off. Edward's head whipped to look at her, his brows pulling together and pulse picking up in guilt until he noticed her grin. She was teasing him. She was teasing him! Edward laughed, allowing himself to be pulled further into the woods with a vampire who could very well be his end if he found it in himself to care.
He mentioned he could see a light in front of them and Bella nodded as if it were obvious. It was the destination she had in mind, and he could see why once they broached the treeline. It was a meadow nestled in the forest, thick grass reaching up and a smattering of wildflowers blooming in the late spring. There was no sound but the wind in the leaves, not even birds were chirping in the distance. Bella listened to his heart beat, the even pace of his steady breaths. Nature meant little in comparison.
Edward tugged on her hand to pull her into the light with him, but she didn't budge. It was as futile as trying to force marble to yield, and he could stop her from untangling their hands. He was about to object when she began fidgeting with the hem of her sweater and slowly pulling it up.
He was left with no snide comments, but rather his mouth still parted, lips forming a quip that would never be spoken.
She had no idea. That much was obvious. She was wearing a blue shirt, Alice would call it a blouse. It was as silky as her skin and fit her form perfectly. And he no longer wondered why she wore the sweaters, because she was shy enough as it was and if she showed up anywhere looking like that, every eye in any room in the world would be on her. Her waist was smooth, tapering up into a slender hourglass shape and perfectly round breasts that Edward stared at unabashedly. He was, after all, still a man.
He didn't think it could ever be possible, but he was distracted from them when she stepped forward to be at his side. The sun was rapidly disappearing behind the trees, but it didn't matter. Her skin was always pale, but it shone opalescent in the light, sun refracting off like thousands of microscopic gemstones were embedded into her skin.
"Whoa," he said finally, feeling dumb but unable to search for another word.
"Now you know," she said lightly, trying to sidle back into the growing shadows.
"No way," Edward objected, grabbing her hand again and trying to keep her with him. He knew she could pull away with the ease of tearing a piece of paper, but she allowed him to drag her back to the centre of the little meadow.
"I came across it on a run," she commented. "It's nice here. Always quiet. No humans have ever found it, as far as I can tell."
"Until now," Edward said.
"Until now," she agreed. She knew he was staring, but that was the point, wasn't it? She stared at him, too. The bulletwound was a marvel, it was a terrifying reminder. But it also was something she would never allow to happen again.
"This is incredible," he marvelled, fingers brushing against the exposed skin of her arm. A shiver ran down her spine, his touch leaving a trail of fire in its wake that he couldn't possibly be aware of.
"Don't know why it happens," Bella shrugged. "It must have something to do with venom, but it's not like I can really study it or anything."
"Venom?"
"Like a snake," she said with a smile, then imitated a hiss. Edward's head fell back as he barked out a laugh. A red cardinal that had settled into its nest nearby was startled and flew off, and Bella glanced up at the bright plumage in the pale blue sky. The horizon was fading to orange as sunset approached.
"You are…" Edward started.
"Hilarious?" Bella offered.
"I was gonna go with ridiculous."
"If I'm ridiculous, I have news for you about yourself, Edward Cullen," she said, hands coming to rest at her hips in a show of mock-disdain.
"I've been called worse," he laughed.
The sun finally dipped out of sight, leaving only an iridescent shimmer on Bella's skin. He couldn't stop staring, his gaze swept across her delicate collarbones, then further down where fabric obscured what he truly wanted to see. If he thought of her as beautiful before, in those grotesque sweaters like the one she deposited on the grass behind her… He could find himself searching through every page of literature for decades without finding an apt descriptor for Bella.
It was at the least opportune moment, just as he started to lean a little closer to her, his fingers weaving through hers again, that his stomach made itself known with a roaring protest to being left ignored for so long.
"Again!" Bella exclaimed, spell snapped for the time being. "I forgot to feed you again! I swear I'm not usually so careless. I don't know what you're doing to me, I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes!"
"Like you said," Edward sighed, leaving Bella waiting for his response. "If I hadn't overslept…"
"Ugh," Bella grumbled, darting over to grab her sweater and returning to his side in a fraction of the time it took him to blink.
"I swear I had a real date planned," he said. Then his eyes widened, brows sweeping up to his hairline before he smacked his forehead. "The fucking flowers. I can't believe I forgot the goddamn motherfucking flowers again."
It was Bella's turn to laugh. She didn't need anything. She'd never really wanted anything before besides a few small things- a book that she had to wait to be released in paperback before purchasing, a trinket for her mom, a keepsake at one of their roadside attraction stops. It was the idea of it that meant more than anything.
"Come on, Cullen," she said, pulling him behind her again so he had no choice but to comply. "Take me on my date now."
There was no lingering light, only a mild orange glow from deep behind the trees. The rest of the forest was black as pitch, and Edward squinted at the ground with great focus, trying to follow Bella's track as she set pace a step ahead of him. He was stumbling within seconds, tripping forward and only staying upright by the grip she held on his hand. His toe caught on a log after a few more minutes, and he murmured a curse as he gripped Bella to keep himself from becoming a total fool in front of her. It seemed a little late for that, though, because she spinned around suddenly to face him.
"It's going to take too long to walk," she said.
"You're telling me," he muttered, bending down to rub the spot on his ankle where a branch slapped at him. "The Lodge is gonna be closed by the time we get out of this death trap."
"The Lodge?" Bella asked.
"Nicer than the diner," he said absentmindedly, still trying to get his shoes situated. "And less likely any of our dear schoolmates will be around."
"You thought that through," she praised.
"Not enough to eat first so I wouldn't be dragging you to a restaurant even though you don't eat."
"Edward," she admonished, finally capturing his full attention. "Don't rain on my date parade. Now, do you want to go or not?"
"Sorry," he apologised with a blush. He held his hand out again, ready to be lead back through the fucking rain forest for a few more miles. It couldn't be that bad. The night air was cool, and Bella hadn't put her sweater on so he could still stare at her pale skin for a second before he had to focus on the trip hazards in front of him.
"I have a better way," she said with a grin.
He looked at her sceptically. "You're not gonna turn into a bat, are you?"
"Ha!" she exclaimed. "If I ever turn into a flying rodent, you'll be the first to know."
"What's this mode of transportation you had in mind, then?" he challenged. Her smile widened, and he could almost make out the glint of her white teeth cutting through the dark of the night.
"Do you trust me?" she asked.
He stared at her again, lips slightly parted to say No before he realised that would be a lie. He'd been running for so long that trust grew to be a word with no meaning. Trusting anything except your own instincts got you killed, and killed quick, so he was careful to never allow it to be a reality for him. But this small girl with the cold hands and warm smile broke the unspoken promise he made himself.
"Yes," he admitted. Bella's smile grew, and he found himself leaning in to be closer to it, as if it were calling to him. But she turned her back to him and seemed to stoop down, her knees bent.
"Climb on!" she called.
"What?" he asked sharply.
"You're wasting time here!"
"You want me to climb on you," he stated with abject horror. Sparkling in the sun and the sharp teeth of a predator, no problem, but heaven forbid she offer a piggyback ride.
"Edward, be serious," she said exasperatedly. "You watched me lift a speeding van with one hand a few months ago. I don't think you'll be too difficult."
"For the love of motherfucking God," he grumbled, chastised into submission. He wrapped his hands around her slender neck and she stood, reaching behind her to grab his legs and fold them around her waist. "I swear to God if you ever tell Emmett about this…"
Bella laughed, and he could feel the sound in her chest from where his hands were clasped at the hollow of her throat. "If you tell Emmett about this, we have more problems than your masculinity. Now hold on tight, okay?"
Before he had a chance to agree, she was off to a smooth, quick jog. She wouldn't dare to break out into a full out run, but her even pace would get the job done. Bella weaved around the trees and glided over fallen branches without a sound, making a deliberate effort to not jostle her passenger. The only person she'd ever been on a run with before was Jasper, but this was far more intimate. She could feel his heart beating into her back, and found she was falling in step with them, and she was acutely aware of the position of his hands on her skin.
It was over in barely a few minutes. She was being selfishly slow, not that he would know. Edward jumped off and stumbled a few steps back before she reached out to catch him. His hair was windblown but his eyes wide with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, making his blood sharply sweet.
His pupils were dilated so much they seemed to consume the green of his irises, and his breaths came quickly. It was without thought that he broached the gap between them, but with the greatest care that he leaned down. He paused, as if he was waiting for permission. He saw her acquiescence in the tilt of her chin, the quiver of her full lips. "Fuck the right order," he whispered. His warm hand snaked up to cup her soft cheek, the other found its way home to hers. Edward bent down further and pressed his lips to hers.