Before today my body was useless.

Now it's tearing at its square corners.

It's tearing old Mary's garments off, knot by knot

and see - Now it's shot full of these electric bolts.

Zing! A resurrection!

The Kiss - Anne Sexton

April 9, 2005

Edward found his bottom lip fit perfectly between hers, and his mouth parted in an attempt to breathe her in more deeply. He wanted to fall into her, to consume her. He had never really kissed anyone before, not really. There was a girl a few years before, but he was only twelve and she was much older, and it was in a torrent of drug-fueled lust. It was nothing like this. She was soft and cool, her lips unyielding but still somehow willing to move with him. His entire body was filled with an indescribable current that coursed through him and seemed to spark where they were joined.

The shock jolted Bella, and she launched herself backwards. She landed in the soft ferns, and she sunk her hands into the muddy earth. Her fingers dug into the dirt, anchoring her down. Edward was still standing, his hand raised to the ghost of her face, his mouth frozen in place though his breath was coming in pants.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled. She didn't want to move, not yet. She felt that electricity, that connection that was trying to tether her to him. But her mouth was full of venom and her throat ached with a phantom thirst that could never truly be quenched. When she broke the silence, Edward seemed to come back to himself. He took in her form, nestled in the bushes with her hands dug into the ground. He moved forward, gesturing to help her up but Bella held up a hand. "I need a moment."

She closed her eyes, trying to find a centre when the world was sent spinning. It wasn't fair. Thousands of books, and not one of them prepared her for the shattering connection of kissing Edward Cullen.

Her eyes popped open, and she looked up at him through thick lashes. Her eyes were dark- not the bright topaz he had grown used to, or the dull brown of her contacts. They were like burnt gold, veering towards blackening with the night. It was a wonder at all that he could see her, but he realised he was growing used to the dark. A welcome adjustment.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice hoarse and daring to break.

She jumped up smoothly and dusted her hands off on her jeans, though the dirt had already encrusted itself under her nails and would need more than just some patting to be removed. "That was embarrassing," she sighed. She fidgeted with her hair, tucking some unruly curls behind her ears then deciding she'd rather have the comfort of a curtain to protect her face.

"What happened?"

"Oh." She looked down, forcing a laugh. "Isn't that how all first kisses are?"

Edward touched his bottom lip absentmindedly, still feeling the mix between sizzling heat and soft coolness lingering. "No," he disagreed.

Bella would have blushed if she could have, and was grateful, for once, that the ability had left her. She was always so awkward, especially as a human. At least, in this form, there was no clumsiness or red cheeks to give her away. People tended to be entranced enough with the biological design of predator to prey that they didn't really know her enough to see it anymore, but Edward was too close.

And not close enough.

"Vampire moment," she joked weakly, again trying to distract from her weakness and again failing. Edward looked down at her defiantly, the set of his jaw tense, his gaze steeled to draw an answer. It was the shadow of who he was with everyone else, the persona he enacted in public that screamed danger to everyone except the only other person who was intimately acquainted with violence. "I wasn't prepared for that," she admitted. "I didn't know it would feel like that. I've never had someone so… so close. But I know what to expect now."

"Is it the blood?" he asked quietly, trying to ignore her lack of specificity. He knew she wasn't just experimenting with him before moving on to the next, he really did. He had pulled that one before plenty of times, he knew what it looked like. But the fear whispered from the shadows.

"Blood, yes. God, yes. But not just blood, everything else. The heat, the venom, that spark, did you feel it? Christ, that was a lot. Is it always like that? I can't imagine how everyone doesn't spend all their time doing that, if that's the case. I mean, I know it's different for me, but even Jasper didn't warn me! Why didn't he give me a heads up? A simple, Hey Bella, just wanted to let you know that when you kiss a guy, it's gonna feel like a million volts shoot through your body and you shoot into the atmosphere. Thought you should know! Ha, can you imagine? Oh God, you did feel it too, didn't you? Don't tell me I'm going crazy here. Please."

She was babbling. She knew it, but couldn't seem to stop the vomit of words as they spewed out, and he just watched, bemused.

"We're on even ground here, because I've never felt anything like that before either," he said, finally allowing himself to reach out for her hands. He clasped both of them, pulling them from twisting at her hair.

"Oh."

They were quiet again, lost in thought and the depth of each other's eyes. Hers had softened again, back to the lighter shade he was used to but still with some of that sharpness from their kiss. He felt high off it, like he was flying and rushed clean with adrenaline. The run was exhilarating, but that was life changing. And if just a simple, chaste kiss did that to him, he could only imagine what-

"I've kept you from dinner again," she murmured, answering the grumble of his stomach that interrupted a fantasy before it even had time to take root. But the idea was already planted, and it wouldn't be long before it formed its bloom.

Their hands only parted for the time it took to slide into the car. Luckily, the Volvo was an automatic, unlike Bella's truck. No need to awkwardly reach over with his left and steer with his knee in order to keep the connection, he held her hand on his thigh and took every opportunity to peer over at her. She was gazing out the window, watching the trees flash by, then buildings, until they pulled into the parking lot.

"Stay," Edward commanded, jumping out of the car and jogging around to open the door. He held his hand out again, and Bella accepted with a smile. She reached back to grab her sweater, but Edward asked if she truly needed it.

"Only for the protection from stares, not against the elements."

"Let them stare," he said. Bella tried to object again, but Edward shook his head. "No one from school should be here. And besides, do you think your grandfather's sweater is first date attire?"

Bella's eyes widened in surprise, but she allowed him to tow her through the parking lot before she huffed. "Says the guy whose sister irons his underwear."

Edward laughed but didn't deign to respond. He dealt with the hostess and ushered Bella through the restaurant to a cosy corner he requested, tucked behind a folding screen that provided a semblance of privacy. And he was right. No one from school was there. Really, no one under the age of forty was there. The hostess deposited their menus, and Edward could tell by her expression that she was going to be leaving him her number. She was in her thirties, not that that had ever stopped him before, but it suddenly seemed revolting. And very unprofessional, given that he was accompanied by the most divine creature to walk the earth.

Bella picked up on the interaction as well, but chose instead to excuse herself to the bathroom. She had been playing with fire, trying to keep her eyes cast down and avoid stares. But that would never really be possible for her, especially dressed as she was. She clicked the lock of the door behind her and furiously scrubbed under her fingernails, removing every granule of dirt, then slipped in the coloured contacts she stored in her back pocket for that exact purpose. Edward hadn't told her what he was planning, but she brought them along just in case they were in public. She'd rather not wear them, if she could avoid it, but it was a light burden to bear versus the risk he put himself in every time he was near her.

The waitress had brought two sodas and Edward was tucking into the bread basket by the time she returned. "I ordered for us both, I hope you don't mind," he said. His palm was flipped up on the table, an open invitation if she wanted to take it. She did, sliding her fingers through his and relishing in the feeling of it.

"Not particularly hungry tonight, fortunately. I hope you ordered me something you'll like."

"Cheap date," he joked. Bella shrugged, playing along.

"I'll find other ways to take advantage of you."

His eyes seemed to darken, and her gaze dropped to the dramatic sweep of his Cupid's bow and the way his tongue darted out to moisten it. "Do you promise?"

Bella tried to play it cool, laughing off his blatant proposition even though she felt heated straight through at even the thought of what he was implying. "Is this first date conversation?"

"You want to wait for the fifth?"

"God, Edward," she groaned, choosing to instead pick at a piece of bread deposited on her plate for appearance's sake rather than meet his eyes. "You're killing me here."

"You told me that wasn't possible."

"I didn't think I could be electrocuted before today either, but then I was like freaking Frankenstein's monster out there."

"I loved those movies," he said placidly. "The ones from the 30s, you know? Boris Karloff was incredible."

"It's a good book, too," Bella said quietly. "Mary Shelley was only eighteen when she wrote it. It was a competition with her sister, her husband, a physician, and Lord Byron. She won."

"An eighteen year old wrote Frankenstein?" Edward asked incredulously. Bella nodded, and Edward leaned back as if deep in thought. "Well, I guess I still have a few months, then."

Bella hid a giggle behind her free hand, shielding her face from the waitress as she brought plates of food over. It smelled horrific, but she had grown accustomed enough to cooking that it looked passable enough.

"I just realised I don't know your birthday," she said suddenly.

"June 20th. Yours?"

"Does it count anymore if I'm not getting any older?" Bella mumbled, poking a piece of food with a fork in a show of eating, just in case anyone happened to look over at her.

"How am I supposed to know when to get you a present then?"

"Please, no!" she exclaimed, slightly louder than she really should have, as the couple seated a few tables away glanced over at her curiously. "Sorry," she whispered. "I don't need anything, really."

"If you don't tell me, I'll just have to give you something every day, just in case," he threatened. If it was possible, she went pale at the thought. Between the truck and money for new clothes, she'd had enough gifts to last a lifetime. An eternity, even.

"September 13th," she said quietly, only just loud enough for him to hear. "Figures you're a Gemini."

He eyed her defensively. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean. I can barely keep up with your mood swings sometimes."

It was his turn to laugh, and he didn't care if it bothered anyone else. Bella joined in tentatively, more at him than with him. He looked so different, so much lighter than before. She wondered if he felt it all too, then reminded herself that was impossible. Humans weren't capable of it, didn't have the capacity for the depth of her emotions. It was one of the things Jasper taught her when she concretely decided to move to Forks, in preparation for being around so many humans.

Once his laughter tapered and he managed to take a breath, he said "If I could control it, I would. Sometimes it feels like I'm Frankenstein's monster."

"Is that why you hated me when we first met?"

"I told you I have a bad temper." He chewed slowly, pensively, his thumb absentmindedly caressing circles along her knuckles. "I was jealous, really. If I'm being honest, and I swear I am."

"Jealous?" she asked, trying to follow his train of thought and failing. She could recall every moment with perfect clarity- her first days at school with the cacophony of gossip, the boisterous friendliness of Alice keeping her afloat. "You were gone the first week I was at school, and avoided me when I came over that weekend. When we did finally meet, you acted like I had leprosy or something. What could you possibly be jealous of?"

"Alice," he said, as if it were obvious. But Bella looked more confused than before, and he sighed nervously. "I'm not used to this, you know? You have to be patient with me."

"This is new to me, too," she reminded him.

"Not just this," he said, raising their joined hands. "But, all of it. Everything. I've never… well, maybe once I did have a family, but I don't remember any of it so it doesn't count. I've never had a family before, never had friends. I did it all on my own. I taught myself how to tie my own shoes, how to pick a lock and pick a pocket. I was around a steady group of guys, but it was the kind of situation where you sleep with one eye open and your back to a wall, you know?

"I didn't know there was anything else until I came to the Cullens, but they expected me to be just like them, just like that. Like, of course Esme packs my lunch and Alice picks out my clothes and Carlisle tells me what to do. That's what a family is. But I just… I didn't get it. I acted out a lot, because they were always telling me what to do and what not to do. Even Emmett, even Rosalie. They were on my case, all the time. Clean the dishes, put them away, do your schoolwork, why aren't you better at school, play basketball with me, take me to parties, don't party too hard, don't get Emmett into trouble.

"Alice was the only one who didn't want something. She was just happy to hang out, no ulterior motive or deeper scheme. She's my best friend. But then you come to town and you're all she can talk about. She wants to hang out with you, wants to bring you home the weekend I get back from rehab when she should want to spend time with me. And then I meet you, and I see why she felt that way because you're… you're fucking perfect. I'm supposed to be focusing on staying clean, going to counselling, but all I can think about is you. And then Tyler fucking Crowley and his stupid van… And, well, you know the rest."

Bella looked down, compiling her thoughts. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise."

"It's okay," he said. "I don't mind anymore."

"I don't have to hang out with her anymore," Bella said smally, picturing Edward's tiny sister and her intense bravery. "I don't want to do anything that hurts you."

"No!" he objected. "I'm done with all of that 'stay away from her' bullshit. Alice is great, but she's lonely. I know she wants a girlfriend, and Rosalie isn't exactly a good candidate for the position."

"I'd like to see you in nail polish," Bella joked.

"As if I haven't been a victim in one of her girls' nights in!" He held up his free hand demonstrably, waving the fingers. "Black is, apparently, my colour."

Bella tried to picture Edward sitting at Alice's nail station without being forced there at gunpoint and failed. She giggled at the thought, and wondered if Alice could possibly have any pictures laying around. Edward switched his empty plate for hers and worked on being okay with laughing at himself, but Bella was irresistible. He loved the way her cheeks dimpled when she was really smiling, the scrunch of her nose in her laugh. He could poke fun at himself all day if it meant seeing that again.