Accursed Urge

I could not sleep until I tried my hands at Durgetash. Their first interaction had so much tension I couldn't stop thinking about it! So here it is.

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Enver Gortash X Gender neutral Dark Urge/Durge

Word Count: 2,568

Enjoy!

The opulent hall, adorned with ornate gold and weathered stone, glimmered in luminous hues of gold as the stained glass filtered streams of light. Yet, the resplendent glow illuminated only one figure. His attire, adorned with bronze accents, shimmered against his sun-kissed complexion, further deepened by his dark wardrobe.

"Ah! Welcome!" His voice boomed, rattling around Durge's mind, conjuring a feeling of familiarity that tugged at their heart.

"Gortash!" Karlach snarled. She sounded like a wild beast at the end of her chains, half-crazed by rage. It would take only Durge's allowance for her to burn everything to the ground; even without it, she might still snap should Gortash say the right or wrong thing. "This is it! I can practically taste his blood from here!"

"Karlach!" Wyll urged, voicing his concern for his father. But Karlach looked wild, so ready to strike that Durge doubted she heard him.

Gently brushing hands with Karlach was like placing their hand within a roaring fire. But Durge swallowed the yelp, using the slight contact to grab Karlach's attention. Meeting the flames that burned within her gaze, Durge urged softly in what they hoped was a calming tone. "I couldn't bear to see Gortash get his hands on you again," they squeezed Karlach's hand. "Let's wait for a more opportune moment."

Karlach sank with a deep breath, her skin cooling and the flames returning to a more comfortable heat. "I hate how you can do that." She whispered in defeat, squeezing Durge's hand and letting go with a grimace upon seeing the burn that now resided there.

Stepping closer, Durge's mind churned, trying to decipher the sudden swell of emotion this man's face conjured and how their body vibrated with anticipation.

For a moment, Durge regarded Duke Ulder Ravengard, but his mind was an empty husk, a pawn to the absolute awaiting orders.

"My lord, it seems your guest has arrived." Ulder bowed their head to Gortash, Wyll tensing.

"Exquisite timing, as always." Blue eyes bore into Durge's red glare, a smile more tender than it should for a stranger, pulling on his lips. "Lord Enver Gortash at your service."

He spoke of Kethric Thorms' downfall, and a sadistic satisfaction rose up at the memory of the man's death. But then he looked at Karlach, and Durge felt rage not only for Karlach but also for how the word darling rolled off Gortash's tongue. It felt almost like jealousy.

Then he spoke of the netherstones and the elder brain; as crucial as that was, Durge was fixated on his mouth. A tirade of emotions swept through Durge, their fingertips tingling, begging to touch the enigmatic lordling.

And then, before they could stop, words came tumbling out, sounding so much more confused and lost than Durge ever wanted to be known. So much of themselves was missing, and despite fighting the dark urge as best they could, Durge desperately wanted to know themselves and the life they'd lived. "Do you know me?"

"Of course, we were partners," There was a flash of heat not only in Gortash's blue eyes but also in Durge's stomach. "You, I, and Kethric were in on this plan from the start."

For some reason, Durge felt disappointed.

"I seem to have trusted you once before, and it ruined me." Durge leered through clenched teeth. They were a Bhaalspaw with a fractured mind and no true memories of who they had been before they awoke on the Mindflayer ship and began the journey to rid themselves of the parasitic tadpole that chewed through their hole-riddled mind and uncover who had tried to kill them. Durge suspected that Gortash may be the key to knowing who they had been before they ended up on that ship.

A flicker of a memory fluttered through their tattered and hole-addled mind. There was something painfully familiar about the phony lordling before them, their heart fluttering and fingertips aching to reach out, to touch or maime, Durge didn't know.

They had already felled Myrkull's chosen, and even though Kethric had recognized Durge, Durge had not been overcome with these odd emotions; they hadn't even felt any familiarity with the now-dead general of Myrkull's undead army.

"Together, we can restore authority over the elder brain." Gortash grinned.

"I am changed," Durge sneered. "I have no interest in whatever plan we concocted; I wish only to avenge myself and be rid of this accursed tadpole."

"Then our goals are still aligned!" He grinned. "Ousting Orin and helping you reclaim your birthright would be my greatest honor," Gortash spoke in a hush. Still, his tone was sincere before shifting into a business-like manner. "With Kethric gone, Orin proves treacherous. She wants the netherstones for herself." He sneered. "She only cares about blood." Gortash gestured to them. "And your blood and mine are of particular interest to her."

Durge clenched their fists. They had suspected as much. If they were a Blaahspawn, and Orin worshiped Blaah, the god of murder, it wouldn't be a stretch to assume it was Orin who had tried to kill them.

"I cannot trust easily," Durge spoke, the dark urge subdued but not extinguished. "But if your words hold truth, and if ousting Orin aligns with my path to vengeance, then we may have an alliance of necessity."

"Understandable." Gortash grinned. "Why don't we step into my office? There are matters I would like to discuss without... extra ears." His eyes took in Durge's company. It was an eclectic assortment of victims of the tadpole, each with a tragic past and circumstance to overcome. Karlach, Astarion, Shadowheart, Wyll, Gale, and Halsin: the only one without a tadpole. Though Durge had no memory of who they had been before the tadpole, they were lucky and happy to have their company. Particularly Astarion and Halsin.

"Hardly." Astarion scoffed. The vampire's gaze hardened upon Gortash. His suspicion seeped from his crimson gaze, sticking in the tension-filled room. "Not a chance, you scheming–"

But Durge was already following Gortash.

"Durge." He croaked out, clutching Durge's arm in an uncharacteristic display of desperation. It felt too much like handing Durge over to the wolves and hoping they'd return. But then Durge met Astarion's gaze, not wavering or holding fear within those crimson eyes.

"Just a moment, Astarion." Durge soothed, bringing their free hand to gently cradle Astarion's cheek, thumb smoothing away the distress that danced in Astarion's icy red gaze. Durge looked deeply into Astarion's eyes, that gentle smile settling Astarion's troubled heart. A reassurance. A promise. "I'll be right back."

Gortash turned around with his smooth words to say, "Hurry along, I won't keep you too long," already on the move, with Astarion growling like a starved dog. However, Astarion was halted as Durge gently brushed their lips against his hand, a sign of tenderness that sent shivers down Astarion's spine and ignited something protective within him. Durge was far too important to risk.

"You had better be." He warned lowly to Gortash's retreating form, glaring at the man's back before turning his eyes back to Durge, dropping his voice to a mere whisper for Durge alone. "Stay sharp. We've fought too hard to be taken out now."

Durge smiled before looking up at Halsin and offering him a reassuring squeeze of his hand as they passed.

When the pair reached Gortash's office, a surprisingly humble room for such an extravagantly dressed man, Durge felt their chest constricting, an unnatural tightness that no measure of strength or spell could loosen. Durge could hear the beating of their own heart resonating loudly within the walls of their skull. Their head pounded, filling with disjointed fragments of memories that danced teasingly out of reach. Something deep within stirred, reacting to Gortash's presence as he shut the heavy wooden door behind them.

"Relax," Gortash turned and offered a tight smile, though his usual charm was not fully present in his deep voice. He approached the window, hands on the sill as he glanced out over the land stretched beyond.

Durge bites their lip, tasting the iron flavor of blood. Even without a memory of who they used to be, Durge's instincts and gut intuition remained a formidable part of their psyche, and they didn't trust Gortash. And yet... something lingered at the back of their mind, a fond remembrance and gentle whispers of warmth and care they couldn't comprehend.

"You remember us, don't you?" Gortash asked softly.

It felt more a challenge than a question, and Durge clenched their hands. A flood of disjointed memories welled within Durge. Though some were more distinct than others, the feelings of warmth, confusion, and sorrow mingled together to create a cacophony of dissonance in Durge's mind.

"Gortash," Durge's voice hardened as they squared their shoulders, maintaining the distance between them. The word sat heavily on their tongue, carrying a bitterness they could not place. "If this is what you wanted to speak about, then this conversation is over."

There was a cold flash of emptiness in Gortash's eyes that, for a split second, caused Durge's heart to clench uncomfortably. And then it was gone, replaced by that charming mask once again. But that fleeting emotion shook Durge.

Durge paused. "Were-" they struggled to form the words. "Were we in love?" Durge's question hung in the air between them, shrouding the room in tension.

Gortash drew in a shaky breath, folding his arms across his chest as he closed his eyes momentarily, opening them again to pin Durge with a heavy gaze. His usual charm disappeared, revealing a vulnerable man who clearly hadn't expected such a question.

"I like to think so," he answered softly, without the usual veneer of confidence and charisma he wore. His gaze dropped to his boots, "But when I lost you, I thought my heart would stop beating too." He confessed, his eyes not daring to meet Durge's.

Something clenched inside Durge; it was sorrow and regret, but they weren't their own. A long lost feeling that buried deep within, so foreign yet so familiar.

Following his confession, Durge remained rooted to the spot, struggling to process Gortash's confession. After a while, Gortash stood and walked toward Durge, stopping in front of them with barely a hand's breadth between them.

Gortash broke the distance and whispered in a husky voice full of desperate hope and anguish. "I've missed you." His fingers hesitated near Durge's face before gently grazing their skin.

His act was so swift and spontaneous that Durge barely registered it until it was happening. Gortash had closed the distance and pressed his lips against Durge's, pulling them closer, crushing his body against theirs. His fingers tangled in their hair.

Lost in the throes of memories and connection, Durge surrendered and responded to the kiss as Durge's tattered memory sought something familiar in Gortash's taste and warmth; they could almost feel their old selves tingle in their veins. A lingering sweetness fluttered within their chest. Overwhelmed by their mutual need and yearning, they met him halfway, their guarded suspicion replaced by growing warmth.

However, as quickly as the memories welled up, Durge cut off the kiss. Stunned and overwhelmed, they stepped back, attempting to catch their breath and clear the mental fog clouding their rationality.

"Whatever we had is over, Gortash," Durge spat, their voice catching slightly in their throat as they grappled with their feelings. Durge wiped their mouth with the back of their hand as if to rid the lingering taste of Gortash. "We're nothing."

Gortash regarded Durge, a shimmer of heartache crossing his handsome face before he quickly wiped it away with a sardonic smile. Eyes darkening. "That is where you are mistaken, darling," Gortash moved towards Durge, predatory. Durge could feel his voice vibrate against their skin, each word stinging. "We were never over." Gortash seemed to radiate certainty; an eerie air of resolve clung to him as though he intended to claim Durge back. "I have always cherished you, Durge, even if you don't remember your body does," Gortash's tone was painfully sincere, which made Durge wince internally. His words seemed to open up a wound in Durge, yet their body felt the flicker of emotions stirring beneath their skin. The flame that once danced in Gortash's eyes burned brighter as his hands softly cradled Durge's face, "And I have every intention of reminding you, love."

His fingers slid over their cheek, pushing away a stray lock of hair before sliding around Durge's neck. His thumb brushed over their lips, and Durge almost felt something soften in their chest.

"But-"

"I'm patient, my dear. I'll wait." He said softly, leaning closer to kiss their forehead softly.

"I hate you." Durge rasped out. Their fingers tightened into fists at their side, rage coloring their voice.

"You love me," Gortash said simply. There was a challenge in his eyes, an intensity Durge had missed.

"I…" Durge stuttered, faltering under his intense gaze.

"That's right, you do. And you can't deny that." He murmured against Durge's ear, a note of certainty weaving into his voice.

Durge swallowed hard. "Even if I did, I am no longer the person I once was. We can't go back, Gortash." Durge spat, tugging away from his grip. They stood, both figuratively and literally, at odds with each other.

He was silent for a moment, eyes lingering on Durge. A sigh slipped from his lips before he said, "Even if that is the case, it changes nothing. My feelings haven't altered. We will sort this out together, just like old times." Gortash said resolutely, turning his back towards them as if to shut out the hurt he had been unable to hide.

He was immovable, like a sturdy rock standing against a violent sea. Durge tried to speak, to push away his claim. To tell him to get over whatever phantom was stuck in his head because they were not the person he claimed to remember.

But as Durge opened their mouth to speak, Gortash suddenly closed the distance, clasping Durge's chin firmly, drawing them to look into his cerulean blue eyes. "We'll have all the time in the world once you get the last netherstone from Orin."

In that moment, Durge knew the inevitable truth. Despite all that they wished for, despite all the confusion, there was an undeniable connection. It was raw and turbulent, much like the man who held their gaze, not flinching, not yielding.

Durge pulled back sharply from his grip. Their breath hitched as a strange pain gripped their chest. "We'll see about that, Gortash." They bit out.

There was no compromise with Gortash. He had his own peculiar way of stirring the still waters, making the familiar unfathomable, pulling out an obscure string of feelings that Durge had so stubbornly kept hidden beneath a carefully maintained façade of stoicism.

Gortash chuckled dryly, turning his back towards Durge, crossing his hands behind him as he looked out the window. He was content with his ultimatum.

And in that moment, despite their fragmented and distorted memory, Durge was acutely aware of the storm that awaited them in their shared future. For better or for worse, Durge was aware that Gortash had set them on a path, a storm that neither could escape.

And with that, Durge slipped out the door, leaving Gortash behind. Their body tingled from the brief yet intimate encounter, leaving their mind spinning.