If it happens once, it's an accident. If it happens twice, it's a coincidence. But if it happens three times, it's a pattern.
That's what the Squidbeak was thinking when they sat around the table, with Four's most recent letter in the center.
It had come a minute earlier, with a knock at the door. Callie answered it enthusiastically, only to find the mailman at the door, holding the letter.
Captain had gone ballistic at the poor mailman, who was simply trying to do his job. She yelled something about how he was "One of those damn octarians," and that he was "Trying to infiltrate us," before Three could drag her away from the man.
"Cap, you have got to get your temper in check." Three suggested, still holding the Captain tightly. "The poor man is probably traumatized."
Callie had given the traumatized mailman a decent amount of money to make up for the mental damage caused by the former Agent Three, but neither idol thought it would be enough.
"Shall we open the letter?" Eight asked as everyone was settling into their seats.
"Yes, let's see what the idiot has to say this time." Captain deadpanned.
Three nabbed the letter off of the table and began opening it carefully. Like the previous letters, it came in a standard envelope with no return address. Inside was a folded piece of paper with Four's message.
She unfolded the paper and quickly scanned the words on the page before she started to read.
"Dear Squidbeak,
Due to increased boredom, I have now decided to take a nap in Octavio's bed to get up close and personal with the big fella himself. He is absolutely massive. Much larger than any of the other Octolings I've seen. But I'm getting sidetracked. Not much is happening around here, other than me being me, like always.
Sincerely, Four."
The silence was deafening as the Squidbeak thought about what Four's most recent letter detailed. Three soon cracked up laughing, with Eight and the Squid Sisters following suit a moment later.
Captain was livid with Four's antics. "I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS SQUID!" She yelled in frustration. "If he comes back, he is done. I'm gonna kick him out of the Squidbeak, mark my words."
"Wouldn't that be a bit of a security risk?" Callie asked. "Also, if?"
"Yes, if." Captain growled. "I might personally make sure he doesn't come back."
The Squidbeak all shuddered in fear.
After a brief pause, Captain got up and walked away from the rest of the Squidbeak. Knowing the consequences of trying to stop her, every member stared at the letter that was now on the table. Once she was out of earshot, all of the girls resumed their laughter.
"Y'know, sometimes- Four just knows exactly when to say something stupid." Marie said in between fits of laughter.
"Maybe we should go get him." Three said as the laughter died down. "Like, before he actually does something stupid."
"Four's not stupid, Three. I've read Captain's file on him. Without her permission of course, but I digress." Callie said. "If anything, Four is the most capable out of all of us."
"Surrrrrrrre." Three said in an unconvincing tone, staring at her with suspicion. Three's own encounters with Four had not proven too favorable to the boy, as on one occasion he nearly blew her up with a Splat Bomb. He had apologized profusely, but that incident convinced her that Cuttlefish had to have had a head injury when he recruited Four.
"Maybe he's confused." Eight piped up. "After all, some Octolings do specifically breed-"
"Actually, Eight, I don't think we need to hear all that." Callie quickly interrupted the Octoling girl. With her time in Octo Valley, she knew where Eight was going with her statement. "Besides, I don't think Four is actually in love with Octavio. That would be very out of character for him."
"Cal, he ate a slab of dirt because Eight dared him to." Marie deadpanned.
Eight chuckled. "Oh, yes, I remember that," she said fondly. "He's very nice. And funny as well."
"Well, I'm glad someone appreciates his humor." Marie stood up and walked over to the refrigerator. "But this really is not out of character for him."
"I really don't think that Four is gay." Three said spontaneously. "He's like, the least homosexual guy I know."
"You know more than one guy?" Callie said with a raised eyebrow.
"I- no, not really, but that's not the point here. The point is, Four is not gay."
"But are you sure?"
"I'd like to think so, yes."
"Have you ever seen him go on a date with a girl?"
"...No."
"Have you ever seen him go on a date with a guy?"
"...No."
"Then there's your answer!" Eight clapped her hands together. "Four is gay!"
"N-no, Eight, we don't know if Four is gay." Marie said, placing her arm on the octoling's shoulder.
"Oh. Yeah, I'm confused." The octoling said, scratching her temple.
"Don't think too hard, it'll hurt your head." Callie said while sipping a cup of tea.
"Thinking can hurt me!?" Eight said in a panicked voice, now gripping her head.
"No, Eight, thinking can't physically hurt you. It's just a metaphor." Eight gave a deep sigh of relief upon hearing that.
There was a brief pause in the chatter before Three spoke up. "Do you guys think Four is in danger?" She asked. Seeing the Squidbeak's confused looks, she elaborated further. "I mean, maybe he's talking in code. Maybe he's in a ton of danger and we need to rescue him."
"I thought we already determined that he wasn't writing in code." Callie said.
"No, you determined that he isn't writing in code." Marie said with a hint of annoyance. "The rest of us are still undecided on the matter."
"Do we need to come to a unanimous verdict? Or can we just wait for Four to send more letters?" Eight piped up.
"I guess we can wait," Three said, brushing her lime-green tentacles away from her face. "There's no harm in it. At least right now."
"My question is, if he wants to communicate with us that badly, why doesn't he just use the communicators? We all have them."
"Maybe they don't work because he's so far underground?"
"Then how is he sending us letters?"
A spirited debate began as to whether or not Four had mystical powers to have all these random occurrences happen to him, or if he was actually just camping outside of the headquarters and was fabricating his letters to make the Squidbeak have some fun.
Eight's theory was maybe the most far-fetched; she suggested that maybe Four had joined the Octarians, and was sending the letters using Octavio's help to send the Squidbeak on a wild goose chase ("Isn't Octavio on our side now?" Three had objected several times throughout the octoling's speech.). The other girls believed her theory to be ridiculous, and promptly returned to discussing frivolous ideas as to what their friend could be doing.
"Well, as long as he isn't in danger, I don't have a problem with him sending letters." Three said after the conversation had died down.
"As long as the lunacy stays confined to the letters." Marie said monotonously.
"He's all the way in Calamari County," Callie said. "How could he do anything here?"