AN: I said I'd get the next chapter up soon. Didn't I say? I did. I definitely did say that. It's in writing. Well, look at it if you don't believe me. Just...try to get along with people.

Also, I'm tired and I haven't proof-read this, so if there are any howling errors, I apologise in advance.

"The more I hear about this Joining, the less I like it."

Night had fallen, and the Joining ritual was imminent. The other recruits and I had been lead into the ruins by Alistair, who kept sneaking glances at me that ranged from curiosity to suspicion, but I kept my eyes forward, forcing myself to have faith in my plan. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, but right now, it was the only one I had, and I knew that if ever there was a time I could have done more, that time had long since passed. I had made my decision now and there was no going back.

We stood in a circle as we waited anxiously for Duncan to rejoin us from...wherever he was, and I couldn't stop myself from glancing over at the single silver goblet sitting ominously atop the large stone table in the centre of the dilapidated structure.

"Are you blubbering again?" Daveth snapped at Jory, his own trepidation evident beneath the veneer of bravado.

"Why all these damned tests? Have I not earned my place?" Jory responded, indignantly. He caught my eye and I looked away, unable to bring myself to lie to him with a supportive smile or hollow words of reassurance.

"Maybe it's tradition." Daveth replied. "Maybe they're just trying to annoy you." He nudged me, playfully, with a "get-a-load-of-this-guy" grin, and I frowned, turning my gaze to the floor, trying to block out the words that were playing on a loop in my mind.. Dead men walking. Dead men walking. Dead men...

"I don't like it any more than you do." Grayson interjected, quietly. "But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"I only know that my wife is in Highever with a child on the way. If they had warned me, I..." I lifted my gaze to his once more and couldn't help but feel he was talking directly to me. I forgot about Jory, about his pregnant wife, waiting for her husband to come home to her. If only I had warned him, maybe he wouldn't be here right now. Maybe this nameless, faceless woman I had never met before wouldn't be a widow, a mother to a fatherless child. Her life could have been so different, if only I had been braver, smarter, if only I had found a way. But I hadn't, and now I had condemned a complete stranger to a world of heartache and pain, in the name of strategy. I had thought it through so callously, so coldly, without any emotion or shred of humanity. How could I have been so reckless, so careless with a human life? Why? Because he was supposed to die? Well, what was the point of me, then? If I couldn't do this one thing, couldn't save this one good man? Who was I? What gave me the right to decide who gets to live and who has to die for my own personal notion of the greater good? I should have just been honest from the start. It was much too late for that now. "It just doesn't seem fair."

"Would you have come if they'd warned you? Maybe that's why they don't." Daveth looked around the group for confirmation. "The Wardens do what they must, right?"

"Including sacrificing us?" Jory demanded. I winced, and swayed unsteadily, and Grayson placed a supportive arm across my back, reflexively. I was grateful, as the combined weight of my own guilt and the dull thudding pain of the taint threatened to floor me once more. I thanked him, silently, with a small smile, and looked up just in time to see Alistair look away, deliberately, with a tight, forced smile on his face.

"I would sacrifice a lot more if I knew it would end the Blight." Daveth replied, stoically. I refused to look at him. I liked Daveth. He was a bit of a lad, a bit of a chancer, and he had a mischievous glint in his eye that I found endearing. He was just a normal guy. I felt that if he had lived in my world, he would be the kind of guy you would see in the pub, making everyone laugh with lewd, inappropriate jokes and winking devilishly at every girl who walked past. Maybe the kind of guy who would try to sell you some pirate DVDs or a stolen blu-ray player. A criminal, sure, but a harmless, lovable rascal. His heart was in the right place. He didn't deserve to die. Not like this.

Dead men walking. Dead men walking.

Grayson glanced down at me and I couldn't hide the look of despair that I knew must have been etched across my face. He nodded, reassuringly at me, and I forced a smile, though I knew it was more of a grimace. He cleared his throat.

"Okay, that's enough, you two." He said, shortly.

"Yeah, Ser Knight. Try not to wet your trousers until the ritual starts."

"I've just never faced a foe I could not engage with my blade."

"Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that." I muttered, despite myself.

His response was cut short by the appearance of Duncan. He strode past us, to the large, stone table, and the goblet that would determine each of our fates, his face grave, his stance formal and rigid.

"At last, we come to the Joining. The Grey Wardens were founded during the first Blight, when humanity stood on the verge of annihilation. So it was that the first Grey Wardens drank of Darkspawn blood, and mastered their taint." He stopped and turned to face us, his eyes passing calculatingly across each of our faces. I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze, instead feigning fatigue and keeping my head bowed and my eyes on the floor. I say "feigning", but the truth was that I really did feel like I was on death's doorstep, but I had gotten used to the pain now, and the knowledge that it would pass soon, one way or another, was working as a powerful anaesthetic.

"We're...going to drink the blood of those...those creatures?" Jory asked, his voice trembling with anxiety.

"As the first Grey Wardens did before us, as we did before you." Duncan replied, calmly. "This is the source of our power, and our victory."

"Those who survive the Joining become immune to the taint...even those of us who have already been infected with it." Alistair added, nodding pointedly at me. "We can sense it in the Darkspawn, and use it to slay the Archdemon."

"Those who survive?" Grayson asked, grimly, although there was no trepidation in his voice. He seemed to have accepted his fate, one way or another. I couldn't say I was surprised, given what he had been through in the last few days. I was beginning to feel the same way.

"Not all who drink the blood will survive." Duncan replied, almost apologetically. "And those who do are forever changed. This is why the Joining is a secret. It is the price we pay. We speak only a few words prior to the Joining, but these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would?"

Alistair nodded, and looked down, catching my eye as he did so. He looked as grim and as worried as I felt.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice shall not be forgotten...and that one day we shall join you."

Silently, Duncan retrieved the goblet from the table, holding it up with both hands, reverently. He looked at me, and I froze. No, no, no, don't say me, please don't say me...I had gone over that letter fifteen times before handing it to Alistair, I had accounted for every detail...except for me. I hadn't thought about how my being there might change everything, and if my plan had any hope of working, I needed everything to happen exactly as it had before, or Jory and Daveth's sacrifices would be for nothing.

"Lauren." Duncan said, and I shook my head.

"I'm just feeling a little...can someone else go first?"

Alistair frowned at me, and I saw a flash of something like disappointment in his expression, but I ignored him.

"Lauren, you are not long for this world. To delay any further would not be wise." Duncan replied, with an authoritarian edge to his voice that I had only ever heard him use when talking to Alistair in the game.

"I honestly think I might projectile vomit, and I don't want to waste any of the...blood." I finished, lamely. Duncan studied me and I held his gaze, unwaveringly, trying to communicate my thoughts to him silently. I'm not trying to get out of this. I'm in this. I'm dead either way. Just...please...you'll ruin everything. "I think I just need a moment or two. I'm already dying, I've been dying for hours now...I don't think a couple of more minutes will make much of a difference for me."

Duncan held my gaze for a few more seconds, and I held my breath anxiously for his response. Eventually, he nodded, curtly.

"Very well. Take a few moments to collect yourself. Daveth..."

I turned away, unable to watch, breathless from the weight of what I was allowing to happen. I could still stop it. But I wouldn't. I had to let him die. I closed my eyes so tightly that my head throbbed, and I tried to block out the sounds: his initial gasp of shock and pain; his laboured breathing, laced with fear; the terrible, agonising screams, and then, the worst; the chilling silence that followed. The evidence of what I had done. The silence had never seemed so loud before; so accusing.

"I'm sorry, Daveth." Duncan said, sadly, and Grayson let out a strangled gasp beside me.

He's dead because of you. Look at what you've done.

I opened my eyes, slowly turning back to look at him. He lay sprawled out, face-down on the hard, stone floor. I raised a hand to my mouth. It was one thing to see a dead man in a game, or in a movie, but this was a real man, and I had liked him, despite myself. And now he was just gone. Because of you. You did that.

I looked away, blinking back tears, as Jory started to retreat, reaching behind him for his sword.

"Step forward, Jory."

"But...I have a wife..." He looked around, wildly, looking to us for help, for support. I wanted so badly to give it to him. "A child...had I known..."

"There is no turning back." Duncan said, gravely, advancing on him, holding the goblet out, visibly willing him to take it. I looked into his eyes, and saw the sadness in their depths. He already knew then, I think, that Jory would have to die by his hand. But still, he held the goblet out to him, pleading silently.

"There is no glory in this!" Jory insisted, raising his sword, the fear in his eyes hardening as his fight or flight instincts battled within him, until the Knight in him chose to fight. Duncan placed the goblet down, gently, sombrely, and unsheathed his own sword. His movements were slow and reluctant, and his face was a mask of regret. Grayson shifted beside me, realising what was about to happen. I placed a hand on his arm, and he looked at me, urgently. I shook my head. The sound of steel on steel brought our attention back to the two men just in time to see Duncan run Jory through with his sword. Grayson shook his head in disbelief: it had all happened so fast.

"I'm sorry, Jory." Duncan said, quietly, as the man died in his arms. We all stood in silence and I looked over at Alistair, but he avoided my gaze, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. Duncan laid Jory's body down, removing his sword and sheathing it, before reaching for the goblet again, wordlessly. He turned back to us.

"But the Joining is not yet complete. Lauren?" I turned to Grayson.

"No matter what happens, don't do anything stupid. You have to complete the ritual." I said, quietly, so that only he could hear.

He frowned, looking unsure of himself, and I clasped his shoulder, encouragingly. He met my eyes and nodded. I limped away from him, struggling to remain upright without his support, but I kept my eyes fixed on Duncan and gritted my teeth in determination, ignoring the pain that seized every muscle in my body with each step that I took. He closed the distance between us and handed me the goblet, letting go when he was sure I had the strength to hold it.

I half-turned my body and smiled weakly at Grayson and Alistair.

"Well...see you on the other side, guys." I croaked and, taking a deep breath, I raised the cup to my lips, closed my eyes, cleared my mind, and drank.

The last thing I knew before the pain, and the darkness, was hearing Duncan's voice, close by my ear.

"I'm sorry, Lauren."

I hoped that Alistair remembered the letter that I had given him. I hoped that I could do some good, even though I was dead now. My life to save Duncan and King Cailan...well, I could live with that. Or, I guessed, I wouldn't have to. I wondered, vaguely, if this was all there was. Just this void, and my own thoughts. I wondered if I would find anybody else in this abyss. I marvelled, briefly, at the revelation that there was, in fact, some version of an afterlife, even if it was a bit shit, and there weren't any winged, harp-playing fairies lying on clouds, eating ambrosia, drinking nectar and singing Sarah McLachlan songs. That would have been lovely.

I wondered if I would find my sister here, but I didn't know how I would even begin. I couldn't feel my body, so I guessed that it wasn't mine any more. I wondered how one moved around without a body. And if I didn't have a body, why did I feel so damn thirsty all of a sudden? And hungry? Disembodied voices don't eat and drink. Wait, was this Hell? Was Hell being thirsty and hungry for all of eternity? Or was it Purgatory? I didn't even know what Purgatory was. I scolded myself for not reading more into it while I was alive. Maybe I'd be better equipped if I knew a bit more about what I was dealing with.

I was really thirsty now, my throat burned with it. Wait, my throat? Yes, I definitely had a throat. I dry-swallowed a few times to make sure, and it hurt, but it was still nice to know that I had one. Then, all of a sudden, I felt the rim of a cup being placed to my lips. I had lips! I had never been so happy to have lips before. And then I felt the cup being tilted, and cool, delicious liquid was poured into my mouth and I gulped, greedily, savouring every drop of...was it water? It had never tasted so good. Maybe death wouldn't be so bad, after all.

"Lauren?"

There was someone else here! I wasn't alone after all.

"Lauren, can you hear me?"

That sounded like Alistair's voice...what was he doing here? This was my afterlife, he should be off saving Ferelden or something. His voice sounded far-away and panicked. I didn't want to deal with panicked Alistair, I was just enjoying this nice, delicious water and having lips, and now he was going to come along and ruin everything.

"Lauren?" His voice was closer now, and more urgent. I kept quiet. Maybe he wouldn't hear me and he would go away. "She's not waking up, Duncan."

I heard Duncan's sad sigh reverberate around in the blackness.

"I feared that she was too far gone to be saved the moment you returned from the Wilds. I had hoped...but I am afraid she is gone, Alistair. There was only a very small chance that this would work. You knew that."

"But...I promised her she would be okay." Alistair sounded upset. I felt bad for making him feel guilty. If there was some way I could make him understand that I was okay here, that I had delicious water and lips and a throat, and maybe I would find some more body parts if he would just leave me alone for a minute, then maybe he wouldn't feel so bad about me dying. Well...if I had lips and a throat, maybe I had a voice? I tried it out.

"It's okay, Alistair." Oh, my voice sounded horrible here. It was weak and scratchy. I used to be quite a good singer. I had always been given the solos when I was forced to sing with the school choir, my mum said I had the voice of an angel, and now I sounded like my horrible Aunt Irene. That was a bit of a bummer.

"Lauren!" Alistair exclaimed in relief, grabbing my shoulders. Hey, I had shoulders now! This day was turning out all right. "You're okay!"

"Yes, I'm okay. Being dead isn't so bad." I replied, smiling into the blackness.

"Lauren, open your eyes." He said, gently.

"I don't have eyes yet, Alistair." I explained. "I only have lips and shoulders. And a throat. Maybe some day..."

"Lauren!" I felt hands slapping my cheeks, lightly. I had cheeks! This was an exciting time. But the slapping - I was sure it was Alistair - wasn't sore, but it was becoming annoying.

"Stop slapping me, let me rest in peace." I groaned, leaning away from him - hey, I had a neck - and I felt his thumb sliding up my cheek, gently opening my eye. My eye. I did have eyes after all. And there was Alistair, grinning down at me. It took a few seconds for me to figure out what was happening. Once I realised, I groaned in disappointment.

"You're dead too? How did that happen?" I asked, sympathetically. He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. He looked amused.

"No, I'm not dead. And neither are you. But you might be a bit mental." He replied, with a wide smile. I blinked at him, uncomprehendingly.

"I'm alive?" I asked, suspiciously. He chuckled, nodding. I narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Get up, you moron. Come on, on your feet." He replied, good-naturedly, grabbing my forearms and hoisting me upright. I swayed, dizzily, on the spot and shook my head, trying to clear the fuzziness. I looked around and saw Duncan smiling at me.

"How do you feel?"

"Confused. But alive! Who'd have thought it." My happiness was short-lived, however, when I took in the rest of my surroundings. The bodies of Daveth and Jory lay where they fell, and the smile vanished from my face. "Where's Grayson?"

"He is okay. He hasn't woken yet, but he will be just fine." Duncan assured me, gesturing to Grayson's unconscious form lying a few feet from us.

"Two more deaths." Alistair muttered, as I turned back to our fallen companions. "In my Joining, only one of us died, but it was still...horrible."

"Let me guess...the guy who died was the one who had been infected with the taint beforehand? The one with the attitude problem that you told me about?" I threw him a sideways glance and he grimaced, guiltily.

"I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily." He replied, with a sheepish smile. "Did you have dreams?" He asked, changing the subject. "I had terrible dreams after my Joining."

"No. I think...I think I really was dead, you know." I replied, shrugging when he rolled his eyes. "What? I do! I think I died for a little while, and then I...got better, somehow. Well, I don't know, do I? I've never died before, this was my first time."

"It has been known to happen, in some cases, that the recruit has slipped into near-death before recovering. Most often, in cases like yours, where the chances of survival are...limited." Duncan explained.

"Yeah, thanks for that heads up, by the way." I muttered, sarcastically.

"If you had not drank the blood, you would be dead for certain. Like Alistair, I did not see any point in worrying you without cause."

"Before I forget..." Alistair said, reaching into his armour and producing a small, glass pendant full of black liquid: Darkspawn blood, naturally. He handed it to me and I took it, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm more of a diamonds girl, actually, but blood's nice too." I said, screwing my face up.

"It's the final part of your Joining. We take some of the blood and put it in a pendant, to remind us of those who didn't make it." We both glanced over at the bodies, and bowed our heads, respectfully. Daveth...Jory...I had to let them die. It was the only way. I snapped my head up. I had almost forgotten. Dying really messes with your head.

"Alistair, the letter I gave you...do you have it?" He looked puzzled for a second, before comprehension dawned on his face, and he reached back into his armour and produced the folded up note. "Great. Now...if you could both please read it."

"Lauren, is this really the time?" Alistair asked, glancing at Duncan.

"Actually, it's the only time." I promised. "Please. I'm going to have to ask you both to place a lot of faith in me. More faith than any one person deserves, and I can't hope for that kind of suspension of disbelief without some sort of proof that I know what I'm talking about. So please...lives depend on it. Can you just confirm that this is the piece of paper I gave to you before the Joining ritual, and it hasn't left your possession since?" I had seen this on Derren Brown. I knew my shit. Alistair nodded to Duncan in confirmation. "Just...check that...that's your signature, yes? And there's no way anybody could have switched it or tampered with it or-"

"No, Lauren, there's no way anybody could have switched it, you've been "dead" and nobody else knew I had it." Alistair replied, impatiently.

"And you would have noticed if I'd reached inside your armour and took it."

He coughed, and reddened slightly.

"Yes, I'm sure I would have noticed that, Lauren."

"Okay, good." I smiled, satisfied that there could be no doubt that it was authentic. Thank you, Derren Brown: you clever, clever man, you. "Please."

He sighed, and he and Duncan shared a doubtful look, but he unfolded the paper and Duncan leaned in closer to read. I watched their expressions change rapidly, from doubtful to confused to disbelieving to dumbfounded, as they read back the events that had just unfolded, blow-by-blow...and the prediction that followed. When they had finished, they looked up at me in unison.

"Lauren...how, in Andraste's name, did you do this?" Duncan asked, quietly. His tone hovered somewhere between anger and awe.

I took a deep breath.

"Well, that's a long story." I started. "One that we don't have time for. You read the last bit, about-"

"My death? Loghain's betrayal? The death of the King of Ferelden?" Duncan interjected, narrowing his eyes. "Yes, I did."

"It's true. It will all happen. If we go up against the Darkspawn tonight, we will lose. You and Cailan will be killed, and Loghain will issue a warrant for the arrest of any remaining Grey Wardens, blaming us for the King's death. We have to do something. We have to change it." I said, urgently.

"You expect me to believe that the Queen's father, the best friend of Cailan's father, would betray his son-in-law, his King..."

"I didn't expect you to believe. That's why I let those two men over there die, Duncan. To provide you with proof that I know the future. I know what's going to happen before it happens. Please...you have to believe me. Don't let their deaths be in vain." I pleaded, quietly, holding his gaze with fierce determination.

"I believe her." Alistair said, quietly, glancing at Duncan, and the two shared a look. "How else can you explain this?" He gestured to the paper.

"Warning you of Loghain's betrayal is the only reason I came to Ostagar in the first place, and I've paid for it with my life. I may have survived the Joining, but we both know that being a Grey Warden is a death sentence: an early grave and a lifetime of struggle. I haven't done this lightly, Duncan. But I've done what I came to do. It's your burden to carry now, I'm afraid. You can believe me, or you can dismiss all of this as some kind of clever trick or scheme: the choice is yours." I sounded a lot more confident than I felt. Every fibre of my being was acutely aware that if he chose not to believe me, I'd have been better off succumbing to the Darkspawn taint. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the penalty for treason, when the penalty for desertion was being hung in a cage until you starved to death.

Duncan held my gaze for what felt like several minutes, and I felt as though I could actually see the cogs of his mind working, trying to decide whether to believe me or not. Eventually, he looked away, shaking his head miserably, and my heart sank.

"Duncan..." I started, but he cut me off with a wave of his hand, turning back to face me.

"So, Lauren Duval...what do you suggest we do?" He asked, and I blinked up at him in confusion.

"You mean...you believe me?" I asked, stunned. He smiled, grimly.

"Yes, Lauren. Yes, I suppose I do." He clasped a hand to my shoulder, and I grinned in relief, realising only then that I had never truly believed that this might actually work. If I had Duncan on board...maybe I could actually change things after all.

A few feet away, Grayson finally stirred, groaning. He sat upright, looking around.

"Hey, buddy." I called, softly, as we approached him. "How are you feeling? It's some trip, huh?"

"Hey...we made it." He grinned, wearily, as Alistair helped him to his feet. "Well, today has been...eventful. I'll sleep well tonight."

Alistair, Duncan and I exchanged looks.

"What?" He asked, apprehensively. I stepped towards him, rubbing his arm sympathetically.

"Aw...you'll sleep tomorrow." I assured him, and his expression fell. I thought about it for a bit. "Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day after...and maybe just a power nap." I grimaced apologetically, and turned to the others. "Gentlemen...we have work to do."

AN: Okay, I have to stop it there, or I'll keep going forever. The next chapter should be up soon! And this should be the last chapter that follows the game so rigidly, now that we're changing things up, I should have a bit more room to play around with things. Please review! And, as always, thank you for reading.