The second the laughter stopped, the gravity of the situation I was in hit me with a force that almost buckled my knees. I met Alistair's eyes and saw my own sense of sudden dread reflected back at me in his expression.
"Duncan's been away an awfully long time. Don't you think?" I asked, anxiously chewing my lip and throwing a nervous glance over my shoulder at the stone ramp, half-expecting to see Loghain striding towards me with a squad of guardsmen to clap me in irons and drag me away.
"Hey." Grayson clapped a reassuring hand on my shoulder to still me. "Don't worry. You've done everything you can right now. We just have to trust that the generals leading this thing will listen. You might have saved the lives of hundreds of good men tonight. You did the right thing, Lauren."
"I just can't believe Loghain. He was the Hero of River Dane and Marric's best friend. His daughter is married to Cailan for Andraste's sake. It just doesn't seem possible." Alistair muttered, mostly to himself. He caught my eye and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Not...that I'm saying I don't believe you, I just...don't believe Loghain. What could he stand to gain from betraying his king?"
Grayson shrugged.
"I don't think it's that surprising. It's often the people we trust the most whose name can be found on the handle of the dagger buried in our back. It wouldn't be betrayal otherwise. This, I know." He said, darkly, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. Kahn lay patiently at his feet, but let out a low, trembling growl. Whether he was responding to the quiet, restrained anger in his master's voice or whether Mabari really are as clever as they say, I didn't know, but the sound sent a shiver down my spine.
"Yeah. Besides, Loghain's not the man he was. Cailan's been corresponding with Empress Celene trying to broker an alliance with Orlais. Loghain's hatred of Orlesians has blinded him to all other enemies, including the Darkspawn. He's completely paranoid. That's why he intends to betray Cailan; he feels as though Cailan betrayed him first." I explained, examining my nailbeds and absent-mindedly wondering if I would ever have nice, manicured fingers again when I caught them both staring, a little slack-jawed at me. "What? Did I say that thing about my nails out loud?"
"You know a lot." Alistair said, slowly. "It's very…" He raised his eyes skywards as if searching for the right word among the stars. "Useful." He decided, eventually.
"Yes, well, I didn't have a boyfriend and it rains a lot back home so I clocked a lot of game time…which is to say I learned a lot of very useful information that is very applicable in real life." I finished quickly in answer to their confused expressions.
Alistair started to reply but cut himself off when something behind me caught his attention and I whipped around at the sound of approaching footsteps.
"Duncan. What news?" He asked in a business-like tone that didn't quite mask the anxiety in his voice. Duncan approached us in silence with an unreadable expression on his face and my breath caught in my throat.
"Alistair. The horde approaches, and the battle is almost upon us. Your task is to take Lauren and Grayson to the Tower of Ishal. Once there, you will-"
"No." I blurted out, shaking my head in denial and moving to stand in front of Duncan, forcing him to meet my eyes. "This is wrong. This happened before, exactly like this. What happened?"
Duncan looked down his hooked nose at me and to my immense relief, his eyes crinkled in a warm smile. "Loghain has been relieved of his command."
All three of us breathed a collective sigh of relief and Grayson let out a nervous bark of a laugh.
"Cailan believed you?" Alistair asked, clearly not quite allowing himself to believe our good fortune.
"I'm not sure that he truly believed what I was saying, but it was enough to make him doubt. Loghain will be leading the charge with Cailan and the Grey Wardens, where we can keep our eyes on him and another of the king's generals will lead Loghain's men to flank the horde on the field. Loghain was not happy about it but he has sense enough that he would not disobey Cailan openly."
"I can't believe it." I grinned as an almost physical weight lifted from my shoulders leaving me feeling elated. "We're out of danger. Surely it can't be that easy." The three men exchanged meaningful glances and I winced. "Oh, right. I mean unless you count the horde of vicious darkspawn marching towards us with every intention of peeling us like satsumas."
"And the horde is closer than we had anticipated. Cailan and his generals are readying the men as we speak. The battle is imminent." Duncan declared, heavily. "Grayson, you heard what the king said. Alistair will accompany you and Lauren to the Tower of Ishal and ensure the beacon is lit."
"What? I won't be in the battle?" Alistair asked in dismay.
"This is by the king's personal request, Alistair. If the beacon is not lit, the flanking army won't know when to charge."
"So he needs three Grey Wardens standing up there holding the torch. Just in case, right?"
"I agree with Alistair. We should be out there with you." Grayson frowned, resting a hand on the hilt of his sword.
"We must do whatever it takes to destroy the darkspawn...exciting or no." Duncan replied, with an air of slight irritation.
"And besides, that tower is just crawling with darkspawn." I agreed.
"I get it, I get it." Alistair conceded, reluctantly. "Just so you know, if the king ever asks me to put on a dress and dance the Remigold...wait, what?" He cut himself off mid-thought, staring at me quizzically.
"My thoughts exactly, Alistair." Duncan said, sternly. It took a few seconds under the scrutiny of their gazes before realisation dawned on me.
"Oh...shit, yeah. That wasn't the original plan, was it? God dammit, I keep forgetting stuff!" I cursed myself, kicking away a clump of grass in frustration. "I've spent the last few weeks playing Inquisition, all of this stuff just isn't as fresh as...anyway, all of that is just complete nonsense, isn't it?" I caught myself, mid-ramble. "The point is, there are darkspawn in the tower, they came up through the lower chambers which, if I remember correctly, break through into the Deep Roads. So we should really get over there."
"When you say "crawling with darkspawn", are we talking a few stragglers or...?" Grayson trailed off, anxiously.
"Oh, no, there's...there's a bunch of 'em." I said, apologetically.
"This is worrying news." Duncan said, grimly. He thought in silence for a moment before breathing a heavy sigh. "It would have been...beneficial to know this beforehand. But let us not dwell on what might have been. There is no way to change tactics, no time to relay this to the flanking army. They have already taken up their position. They will still look for the beacon before charging."
"We can do this. Between the three of us-" Kahn barked, indignantly "-four of us, we can fight our way through and get that beacon lit." I said, fiercely, trying to convince myself as well as the others. I was so disappointed in myself, so furious with myself for the oversight, that I felt a renewed sense of determination rise within me. I would make up for this. I would make it right. "Alistair, you know the signal to look out for, right?"
"What?" He asked, clearly thrown for a loop by the new turn of events. "Yes! The signal." He confirmed, with a curt nod.
"Duncan, I know what to do. I know where to go. I know the challenges that lie ahead. I've seen this. I know that we can do this." I promised, believing every word. Adrenaline coursed through me and a fire rose in my belly. In that moment, I felt like I could take on a horde of darkspawn single-handedly. Whether it was the certainty in my voice, the fire in my eyes or the fact that, at this point, he didn't really have a choice either way, I wasn't sure, but Duncan nodded.
"Alright, Lauren. I will inform the king of this new development. Perhaps we can buy you some more time. From the top of the tower you will overlook the entire valley. We will signal you when the time is right. I must join the others. From here, you three are on your own. Remember you are all Grey Wardens. I expect you to be worthy of that title." He said, his eyes lingering on me, pointedly. I nodded to show my understanding and his expression softened slightly. He turned to leave and Alistair took a step towards him.
"Duncan...may the Maker watch over you." He said, with a quiet sincerity that he didn't often show.
"May he watch over us all."
And with that, Duncan was gone. Alistair watched as he disappeared into the darkness before turning to us.
"Alright. You heard the man. Let's get to that tower."
"At least we're getting some action now, Alistair." Grayson grinned as the three of us took off at a brisk jog.
"That's one way to look at it." He replied as we reached the bridge. The battle wasn't yet under-way so there were no burning projectiles to avoid as made our way across it, for which I silently thanked whichever God I was supposed to thank in this place. Alistair half-turned his head towards me as we ran and offered a small smile, which I took to mean he wasn't holding a grudge over my lack of foresight. I still felt like an idiot, but at least I knew that they weren't holding it against me. Considering we were about to run headlong into a life-or-death situation, it helped to know that I was fighting alongside people who had my back.
We reached the tower without incident. We were earlier than we had been in the game, and the soldiers at the base of the tower still stood guard. I fell back, allowing Alistair to take point. He approached the commanding officer and the two exchanged brief words before Alistair turned back to us and the commander summoned two of his men, relaying orders.
"There are darkspawn in the lower chambers." He confirmed. "The men here have barricaded the doors and they're holding...for now. That gives us time to get to the top unhindered. We just have to hold the tower and wait for the signal."
"Okay, good...so how do we get back out of the tower once the beacon is lit if the darkspawn have broken through by then and we're trapped on the top floor?" Grayson asked. Alistair and I exchanged looks but said nothing. "Oh." He muttered, in realisation.
"Don't worry." I said, in the lightest tone I could manage, but even as I said it I felt the redundancy of my words.
"All that matters is that we get to the beacon." Alistair said, with so much certainty that I felt my own confidence surge a little more.
"In war, victory." I recited. He looked at me, a little surprised, and a small, brief smile flashed across his features.
"Let's go."
As soon as we entered the tower, the earth shook. It sounded and felt like thunder, but it wasn't coming from above us. It was coming from beneath our feet. Those doors weren't holding for much longer, and we all knew it. The crashing spurred us on and we raced through the tower, up the first flight of stairs. I practically threw myself at the heavy door leading to the first floor and Grayson caught me when I almost went flying - it hadn't been quite as heavy as I had anticipated. I kept my eyes forward as we ran, unable to bring myself to look at any of the soldiers we passed on our ascent. They were all going to die. That was unavoidable at this stage. It felt wrong. It felt cowardly, like we were running away from the battle. But I knew in my heart that we were going where we were needed most. If we stopped, if we went back to try and hold the darkspawn off in the lower levels of the tower, we would be wasting time that we simply didn't have. To delay would be to risk missing the signal, and if we missed the signal it wouldn't have mattered that Loghain's treachery had been foiled and the Grey Wardens really would be to blame for the king's death. So I forced myself not to think about it, forced myself not to see their faces. I didn't want to have to see them in my nightmares for the rest of my life, like I would see Daveth's and Jory's.
In death, sacrifice.
We reached the top floor in a matter of minutes and only then did I allow myself to slow down and take stock of my surroundings. There were no soldiers here, it was just the three of us and Kahn. No ogre either. Not yet, a little voice said in my mind.
"It's started." Grayson said, quietly. I turned to see him standing by a window, and Alistair and I moved to join him. We couldn't see much from up here, couldn't distinguish any individuals, but we could see enough. We stood in silence, barely breathing, as we watched the creatures descend upon the field. From up here, Cailan's army looked pitifully small. I knew that that was all part of the plan: entice the darkspawn to mount an attack against them and then flank them, trapping them, hammer and anvil style. But still, it was a terrifying visual. The darkspawn poured onto the field, and the first of the ballistae fired on them, punching a hole in their ranks but more followed, undeterred. One-by-one, the projectiles were launched and one-by-one they struck, but there was no end to the horde. Panic fluttered in my chest. The main bulk of the army was supposed to flank them, but there had to be a flank to attack. The darkspawn seemed to grow from the darkness, like shadows gaining flesh.
"There are too many of them." I choked, blinking hopeless tears out of my eyes. I looked up at the men, waiting for someone to tell me I was wrong, to point out what I had missed, but neither of them did. They just watched, silently. Alistair's jaw worked furiously as his eyes darted calculatingly across the battlefield below us. "Alistair?"
"I'm thinking." He said, quietly. At that moment, a monstrous roar reverberated beneath us. The darkspawn had broken through.
"They're coming." I said, my voice thick with unshed tears. Grayson moved towards the doors, securing them before grabbing the closest table and shoving it in front of them. I moved to help him and Alistair followed suit, but I put a hand on his arm to stop him. "Keep your eyes out for the signal. Grayson and I will hold the doors as long as we can."
"I'll help you barricade the doors." He replied, starting forward, but I stepped in front of him.
"No, we've got this. You're the only one who knows what to look for." I reasoned, surprising myself by how steady my voice sounded when my heart was hammering in my chest at approximately three million beats a minute. As he met my eyes a silent agreement passed between us and he turned back to the window, gripping the sill and watching the battle with so much focus, I might have thought he was trying to control it with his mind. Grayson and I got to work, grabbing everything that wasn't nailed down and heaving it in front of the doors. Adrenaline was our fuel and we made relatively quick work of it. When I eventually stopped and stood back to survey our handiwork, there was a veritable mountain of wooden and stone furniture obstructing the doors completely from view. "That will have to do for now." I muttered, wincing as another bestial cry tore through the air, this one much closer than the first.
"Is that a darkspawn?" Grayson asked, frowning with uncertainty. "It sounds...bigger."
Kahn whined, scratching the floor furiously as though trying to dig a hole through the stone. Grayson placed a hand on the hound's head and he immediately calmed, looking up at his master with intelligent eyes.
"It is bigger." I replied, but I couldn't bring myself to elaborate. My mind was too full of a million other things. I felt so useless, just standing there waiting while a thousand battles raged below us. I started to make my way over to rejoin Alistair when he jumped up with a start.
"That's the signal! Light the beacon!" He commanded, with so much authority in his voice that I immediately ran over to the beacon before realising that I had nothing to light it with. I looked around, wildly, but Grayson was already kneeling beside me, flint in hand. Within seconds, sparks were flying and the kerosene-doused kindling caught fire almost instantly, sending Grayson back on his haunches. I reached down and helped him to his feet and he thanked me silently with a clap on the shoulder.
"What now?" He asked, looking from Alistair to me and back again. I drew my blades in answer and moved into the middle of the room to meet Alistair, and Grayson followed suit, silently, with Kahn at his heel. We didn't look at one another, each of us kept our eyes trained on the doors. We could hear the fighting, could hear the sounds of death as they drew closer and closer and then...silence. For the briefest of moments, I wondered if it was over, if we'd somehow won without ever having to lift our swords. I rose out of my fighting stance and lowered my blades, glancing at Alistair and Grayson in disbelief.
And then I heard it. There was a faint scratching noise at the door, accompanied by the unmistakable trill of a genlock. The scratching was followed by pounding, and the pounding grew louder and louder as more darkspawn reached the final barrier until it was almost deafening. Then the thunder crashed and a chair fell from the top of the pile. Again and again, it crashed and each time more of our barricade crumbled. My palms were sweaty as I adjusted my grip, fearful that my blades would slip through my grasp the moment I tried to swing. We had only seconds left before they were here.
"I'm glad I got to meet you guys." I said, quietly. "It's been an honour."
"In war, victory." Alistair's voice was strong and steady as another crash shook the world. "In peace, vigilance." Crash. "In death, sacrifice." Crash, crash, crash.
Then all at once, the doors seemed to explode and there it was, looking a hundred times more terrible than anything I could have imagined. Hurlocks and genlocks rushed past the mighty ogre, but the beast had locked eyes with me and it was all I saw. I should have been terrified but in that moment, all of my fear and my grief suddenly morphed into pure, unadulterated fury. I was going to die, of that I was certain. But I was going to take this bastard down with me.
"For the Grey Wardens!" Alistair cried and, as one, the four of us surged forward to meet our fates.