I marched into the banquet hall, with my chin in the air, and the room was filled with the sounds of chair legs scraping against the stone floor at my arrival.

"No need to stand." I said, snippily, as I took a seat between Zevran and Leliana.

It had been almost a week since I had emerged from my room, but I had woken up that morning with a fire in my gut. After Grayson had left to get breakfast, I bathed and dressed quickly and, after a few stern words to myself in the mirror, worked up the nerve to show my face.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" Wynne asked, reaching across Zevran to place her hand on mine. I could feel Alistair's eyes on me from further down the table, and I studiously ignored him, flashing the elderly mage my most winning smile.

"Hungry." I said, airily, filling my plate up with eggs and bacon. "Hey, did you guys know that Black Widow spiders get their name because the female eats the male after mating?" I asked, looking around at them with a pleasant smile forcibly fixed on my face. "I totally get that."

"Perhaps I should…" Alistair started, scraping his chair back.

"Oh, don't leave on my account." I said, still refusing to look at him and instead, focusing on the plate of food in front of me. "I...am...fine. More than fine. Fine and dandy."

He sat back down, hesitantly, and I turned my attention to Grayson.

"So. When are we leaving?" I asked. "Soon?"

"Uh...well, actually we were just discussing that."

"Great. Well, please, do go on." I said, and I saw him frown, uncertainly, at my chipper tone. He looked around at the others and leaned forward.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I paused between mouthfuls of food and looked around at their concerned faces, staring at me, and laughed.

"Guys! I'm fine. Now, can we all get back to the matter at hand? There's a world that needs saving, no? Or did the blight end while I was sleeping?"

"Right." Grayson said, slowly, and I could sense him trying to catch my eye, so I went back to focusing on my breakfast. "Well...we were thinking that our next stop should be Orzammar."

I tutted, shaking my head in disapproval.

"What?" Grayson asked, suspiciously. I shrugged, stabbing at a piece of bacon with my fork.

"Oh, nothing." I said, lightly. "I mean, it's not the order that I would do things, but...you're the leader."

"Well, what would you do?"

I sat my cutlery down and smiled up at him.

"I'm very glad you asked. First, the Brecilian Forest isn't too far from here. Week and a bit, if the weather's good. Second, you told me yesterday that a man had approached you, asking you to make good on a promise he had from Duncan. I know you said you weren't sure if we had time, but we should make time. So, I guess I would go: Brecilian Forest, Soldier's Peak, and then onto Orzammar."

"Is there...any particular reason you think we should do things in that order?" He asked, though he looked more curious than annoyed.

"Well, Orzammar's a mess right now. Politically, I mean. But it's a mess that will keep for years unless someone intervenes. The Dalish in the Brecilian, however, have a slightly more pressing matter that needs to be taken care of."

"You're being...very forthcoming." Grayson said, with a hint of fear in his voice. I looked up at him, and realised he was concerned that I'd had a nervous breakdown. I laughed, shaking my head.

"Well, I kept everything to myself for months and look what good it did me. The one good thing that came out of being poisoned is that it made me tell you all some inconvenient truths, and look? The world's still here. Granted, everything is terrible, but I'm not spilling every single bean. Still...I figure I can give you a couple of little beans."

"Huh." Grayson said, staring at me like I was a bomb that might explode at any moment.

"In the spirit of sharing," Morrigan said, narrowing her eyes at me. "Precisely what did you mean when you said my mother is not exactly dead?"

"Good question." I said, cheerfully. "Well, in much the same way she resurrected me, she hid a part of herself in an amulet that she sent across the sea. She suspected you might send us to kill her for you, so even if we did, she wouldn't really be dead. Don't worry, though. She can't possess an unwilling host. You're safe."

"Am I to simply take you at your word, then?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"Yes." I snapped, the fake smile sliding from my face. A flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I looked down to see charges of electricity snaking between the tines of the fork I was holding, like a tiny lightning storm. I dropped the fork, quickly, and hoped that nobody else had noticed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Leliana asked, softly, placing a hand on my arm. I looked from her hand to her eyes, and softened under her concerned expression.

"No. I'm not. But I will be." I said, quietly. "I just want to get things back to normal as soon as possible."

"I understand." She said, with a gentle smile.

"Great!" I said, forcing my face back into what I hoped was an easy smile and turning back to Grayson. "So...Brecilian Forest then?"

"Yes." He said, quickly. "I've ignored your advice before, and it didn't end well. I won't make the same mistake again."

"Wonderful." I said, rising out of my chair. "We can leave tomorrow. Now, I think I'll go and try to get through to Larry."

"Maybe I…" Alistair started, before catching himself and shaking his head. I stared at him like he was on fire, and he wilted under my gaze. "Grayson, perhaps you should join Lauren in the kennels. In case…"

Grayson started to slide his chair back, and I snapped my eyes to him.

"Sit." I said, tersely. "I can take care of myself, thank you. Don't want anyone to accidentally murder me again, now, do we?"

"Lauren, that's not fair." Grayson said, warningly, but I was already walking away.

"Life isn't fair." I called over my shoulder, slamming the door closed behind me.

It shouldn't have felt good, but it did. For about three seconds, before I cringed, inwardly, as guilt flooded through me. I shook it off, and steeled myself, striding out of the courtyard and ignoring the looks and whispers from a few of the guards who were training there as I made my way, once again, to the kennels.

Sten was there again, but this time he was just sitting with the hounds, petting them. He rose quickly to his feet when he saw me, and I glowered at him, not breaking my stride when Larry started to growl again. Khan whined, looking from Larry and Sten to me, and his tail wagged weakly when I smiled at him. The Qunari strode forward to meet me and I drew myself up to my full height, facing off with him.

"I'm not here for you." I said, quietly. "I suggest you stand aside."

"I do not take orders from bas." He growled.

"And I do not take kindly to being slandered." I replied, narrowing my eyes at him. It was hard to feel intimidating when you had to crane your neck up to look at someone, but I was angry. I was more than angry. I was Anger. I was Rage. But more than that, I was in control. "Also, it wasn't an order. It was a suggestion. May I also suggest that you take the giant stick out of your ass and get used to having me around again, because I'm not going anywhere."

"I will not leave you alone with these animals." He said, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Then stay. Watch." I said, dismissively. "But I came here to get my hound back, and I'm not leaving until I try."

He stared at me for a moment longer, and I held his gaze. He grunted, and stood aside, reluctantly, crossing his arms across his chest.

I looked down at Larry, who was still growling at me, and I felt a surge of compassion for him that I quickly forced back down, channelling my rage as I stepped towards him.

"Sit!" I said, sternly, and he whined, his ears flattening in confusion. I saw his hind legs bend, and straighten again, as he bared his teeth. "Sit!" I said, more forcefully, and slowly, he sat down, still glaring up at me. "Good boy." I said, throwing him a strip of bacon that I had swiped from breakfast. He gobbled it down, greedily, but still looked up at me with deep mistrust. "Now. Listen to me, Larry the Mabari. I am Lauren Duval. I put a muzzle on you, in Ostagar, do you remember that?"

His ears pricked, and he cocked his head to the side with a whine.

"Yeah. Good. And then you found me, didn't you? I had to go away for a little while. I know that you stayed with me, even when I was sleeping. But I'm awake now. I'm different. But it's me. I promise." I said, tossing him another strip of bacon. He wasn't growling anymore, but he also wasn't bathing me in sloppy kisses. "I'll make a deal with you, okay boy?"

I dropped to one knee, so that we were eye-level.

"I'm not asking you to believe me right now. But come with us when we leave. If we spend some time together, maybe you'll learn to trust me again."

He whined again, licking his chops and huffing. I took it as a sign of agreement and held my hand out to him.

"Shake?" I said, softly, grinning in relief when he raised his massive paw and covered the palm of my hand with it. "Alright. Good. Well, it's a start."

I rose to my feet once more, and nodded to Sten, who was watching us with a curious expression on his face.

"Expected him to rip my throat out, did you?" I asked, as I passed him.

"Yes."

"Sorry to disappoint." I said, as I made my exit, throwing one final, parting look at Larry, who was watching me with calculating eyes. Mabari really were smarter than anyone gave them credit for. I hoped that that would work in my favour, and not against it.

I didn't feel like rejoining the others just yet, and I had a rather important letter to write. I strolled, casually, in the direction of the Arl's office, and I didn't hear her approach until she was walking beside me. I smirked, good-naturedly, but didn't look round.

"I'm going to have you and Zevran fitted with bells, Leliana."

"I like bells." She said, vaguely. "They remind me of my time in the Chantry. Things were more peaceful, then."

"You said peaceful, but I heard boring."

"Things will not always be this way, you know." She said, thoughtfully. "Have you thought about what you might do, when the blight is over?"

"A little." I replied, honestly. "But my plans always involved...well, they didn't involve me being quite so alone."

"That makes sense." She said, quietly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, that's okay." I said, with a small sigh. "Time to stop handling me with kid-gloves now, I think. Don't get me wrong, I'd like nothing more than to just close my eyes and sleep until the hurt goes away, but that's not exactly an option. I have to toughen up."

"It is okay to have feelings, Lauren."

"Well...I've seen no evidence of that, as of late." I replied, with a bleak smile.

We stopped just outside the door when I heard voices within. I wasn't planning on eavesdropping, but before I could knock, I heard my name. Leliana and I exchanged a look and pressed our ears to the door, listening intently.

"Yes, the Duval girl's return was rather unfortunate." The Arl said, and I narrowed my eyes, as Leliana's mouth dropped open in a silent cry of outrage.

"Well, brother, I would not go so far as to say that." Teagan responded, sounding a little uncomfortable. "And if Andraste truly did send her back, then surely we must be glad for that, at least."

"Andraste." Eamon said, mockingly. "Forbidden magics resurrected that girl, make no mistake. The Witch of the Wilds, indeed. She takes us all for fools, Teagan. But, no matter. It seems the problem has resolved itself. The boy is done with her, so she will no longer be an obstacle."

I stiffened, and Leliana threw me a sympathetic look, shaking her head at his words.

"But Alistair has no interest in the throne." Teagan said. "He told you so, himself. And besides, he is a Grey Warden. He told us the chances of him being able to produce an heir were slim to none. Are we to remove a barren queen from the throne just to replace her with an impotent king?"

"Alistair will come around, as he has always done. The boy is malleable, Teagan. He has no mind for politics, but he will have his uncles to guide him." Eamon said. "Ferelden needs strong leadership, and we can give that to her. But we need the boy. He is the last of Calenhad's living heirs. The Calenhad line must continue. As for the matter of an heir...well, that is a bridge that shall be crossed when the time comes. For now, the most important thing is removing Loghain and his insipid daughter, and washing away the stain they have left on the history pages of this great nation."

"Come on." I whispered to Leliana, turning away from the door. "I'll come back later."

I was already half-way down the hall when she caught up with me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face her. Her face was red with anger.

"What are we going to do about this?" She demanded.

"I don't know what you're going to do. I'm not going to do a damn thing." I insisted, turning to leave again, but she held me in place.

"You're just going to pretend like you never heard what that...that awful man was saying?"

I shrugged.

"I can't say it came as anything of a shock, to be perfectly honest. It changes nothing."

"It changes everything." She said, shaking her head at me in disapproval. "Lauren, he means to use Alistair to gain power. Does that not bother you?"

"Of course it does." I snapped. "But what exactly am I supposed to do about it? You heard him. I'm no longer an obstacle."

"Lauren...I know that things between you and Alistair are...but this is bigger than all of that, this is-"

"Is it?" I growled, jerking my arm out of her grasp.

"I didn't mean that your feelings are not important, you know that." She said, fiercely.

"You tell him, then." I snapped. "I don't care. Alistair will do whatever Alistair wants to do. I think he's proven that, don't you?"

"I know you are hurt, Lauren. But I never thought you could be this callous." She whispered, with tears in her eyes. Her words hurt me more than I cared to show, and I turned from her, striding out of the hall without a backwards glance.

I didn't stop until I was back in Grayson's room, alone. As soon as the door closed behind me, I leaned back against it and sobbed, silently. I almost let myself break down again, but I stopped, taking deep breaths and swallowing my pain. I pushed myself off the door and walked over to sit on the bed, gathering my thoughts.

The candle on the desk was about half the size it had been a week before, as every time I was alone, I practiced lighting it and extinguishing it. After the initial shock, it had become something of a comfort to me, that even when I felt that I was at my weakest, I still had control over something. It was like meditation, and it soothed me.

I waved my hand, lighting the candle again. I focused on the flame, pouring energy - or I supposed, it must have been mana - into it, and watching it grow. I found that I was able to manipulate the flame, if I focused hard enough. I was so focused, in fact, that I hadn't been aware of Grayson emerging from the adjoining washroom.

"Lauren?"

I panicked, when I realised I was being watched, and in my panic, I tried to cover my tracks by extinguishing the flame. The problem was that I extinguished it with a thought, still sitting over three feet away from it, and in doing so, only confirmed the question in Grayson's eyes when I looked round at him.

"Did you…?"

"I can explain." I said, quickly.

"I'm going to need you to." He said, a little numbly.

I looked from him to the candle and back again, opening my mouth before closing it again with a snap.

"Okay, I can't explain." I admitted. "A few days ago, I made it happen by accident, and at first I thought it was just my imagination but…"

"So when...exactly...were you planning on sharing this with me?"

"I don't know." I said, apologetically. "Never? I...it's weird, and it doesn't make sense, and I'm so sick and tired of always being the weird one who never makes any sense. I hoped that if I practiced on my own, learned how to control it...that I would never have to use it and it wouldn't make any difference."

"You thought you could just ignore the fact that you have magic and it would...what? Go away?"

"Well…"

"This is the stupidest thing you've ever done. How could you be so reckless? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You do remember where we are, don't you? You remember what happened here, when an inexperienced mage didn't receive the correct training?"

I backed away from him, defensively.

"I'm not going to the Circle." I hissed.

"Well, yeah, obviously not!" He replied, walking towards me. "We have two mages with us. One who dedicated most of her life to training mages. You didn't think it would be a good idea to go to one of them?"

"I mean...it crossed my mind." I admitted, scratching the back of my neck. "I just...haven't felt like speaking to anyone."

"Haven't felt…" He trailed off, rolling his eyes skyward with an exasperated sigh. "Lauren, this is dangerous. Especially given how...well, how emotional you are right now."

"Emotional?" I whispered, cocking my head to the side. "Did you just call me emotional?"

"I didn't say that you don't have good reason to be but...well, of course you're emotional! You're heartbroken! Not just that, you've been drunk every night. What's been stopping you from accidentally burning the place to the ground while we all slept?"

"Me." I said, quietly. "I've been stopping me. I don't need anyone's help, Grayson."

"No?" He challenged, taking a step closer to me. "Then why haven't you been sleeping alone, Lauren? Why have you been waking up in cold sweats, clinging to my body in the middle of the night?"

"Shut up." I snapped, turning my face away from him.

"No. You need help, Lauren. It's okay to admit it."

"I am not weak." I said, cursing my voice for trembling.

"No. You're not weak." He said, his voice softening as he took one of my hands in his. "But you're not alone, either."

"I feel alone." I whispered. "I feel more alone now than I've ever felt before. I never used to think I needed anyone but myself. But...I always had my sister, always. We were together before we were even born. And...I thought, when I died, we would be together again. But it was just me. And then, when I came back, I knew that at least, I had Alistair. I knew that I could rely on him. And now, it's just me again. I...can't...let myself feel this way again. Not ever again. I need to rely on myself, because I'm the only one I can trust not to abandon me."

"You have me." Grayson said, pleadingly. "You have your friends. People who love you. People who will help you, if you'll only let them. Please, Lauren. Let us help you."

I looked away from him. I knew he was right. I knew I was being irrational. I knew that keeping the magic to myself was as dumb and reckless as he said it was. I just couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Please? For me, if not for yourself." He said, softly. I looked up at him and nodded, slowly.

"Okay." I said, quietly. "I'll speak with Wynne and Morrigan...for you."

"Thank you." He said, pulling me into his chest.

"And I'll...I'll sleep in my own bed tonight."

"No." He said, holding me tighter. "You can stay here. I like to know that you're safe. Can't say I'm not relieved that you've stopped trying to jump my bones every night-"

I laughed into his chest, and I could sense the grin in his voice.

"But, it does bring me comfort when I wake in the middle of the night to see that you're still here."

"How much easier would your life be if I wasn't?" I asked, with a dry smirk.

"Oh, much, much easier." He grinned, pulling back to look down at me. He brushed my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead, looking down at me with a strange, serious expression on his face. "But it would be far more boring. I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, come on. Let's go and speak with the mages."

I pouted, reluctantly, but even through the kaleidoscope of pain and anger and general melancholy, as we left the room in search of Morrigan, I couldn't help but feel a small twinge of excitement at the possibilities that this new chapter of my life in Thedas might hold.

AN: Happy Valentine's Day, you sons of guns. And even happier Discounted Chocolate Day tomorrow! I got a mysterious package delivered today and I was like...I haven't ordered anything? Oh, wait, it's the 14th...fancy gifts from a secret admirer?

Forgot I'd ordered fancy cat food online last week for my feline room-mate. I've never been brought down to earth so hard before in my life. The cat's had a great day, though.

So please leave me reviews because today is terrible? Thank so much, appreciate it.

Eiris: Happy Birthday! I'm just going to read a couple more chapters of your fic now. I have the night to myself because I'm exceptionally single this Valentine's Day, so my night will consist of wine, reading and writing.

TheFanfictionMaster: I'm so happy to hear from you! Thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot to know you're enjoying the story so much!

Chimera Spyke: Yeeeah, hopefully Lauren remembers to write to Cullen before she leaves again, after that rather rude interruption to her letter-writing plans.

annjames: We might go back to Emily in Kirkwall sometime in the near future, but I think the next few chapters at least will be more Lauren-centric. Even though she's a bit of a broken bird right now.