Chapter 30: Alone Together

The walk from Leora's apartment at midnight to the car outside was silent and lonely. Nobody walked beside her in the dimly lit corridors which felt longer than usual. Scarus was the only one she saw when she got outside. He had his hood up, covering his scarred face with wisps of his long dried blood colored hair peeking from underneath the hood.

Neither spoke a word as she got into the car, he sat beside her and would furtively glance at her. She did her best to stay calm and keep her face blank as the car took her to the Presidential Palace. Her previously trembled blood-stained hands were scrubbed clean of Leora's blood. She had even changed out of the blood-stained clothes she wore before, burning them when she had changed into a burgundy coat dress with embroidered pimpernels in matching burgundy thread.

At the entrance of the Presidential Palace, she was greeted by some Peacekeepers—something that caught her attention. She recalled during her last visit, Elite Guards were stationed at the entrance. She wasn't the only one who caught onto the change.

Scarus stopped abruptly once he saw the Peacekeepers, momentarily surprised. He debated whether or not to approach them and speak to them. Sera observed him quietly and eyed the stoic Peacekeepers so different from the arrogant Elite Guards. She didn't really know which one she preferred.

Sera had to clear her throat loudly to get Scarus' attention, refraining from touching him. She didn't like being near him, touch was out of the question. The guard jolted awake and masked his face. He roughly grabbed her by her arms and all but dragged her inside, much to her annoyance.

President Snow's assistants stood outside in the hall, waiting for her. When they saw her, they immediately led her past the imposing marble statues and the carved marble walls draped in jewel toned silks and satins and into the greenhouse garden which connected the President's private suite.

She was seated and they left silently but hurriedly as President Snow appeared. "Well?" He tiredly asked, taking a seat across from her. He didn't bother with any meaningless greetings, going straight into interrogating her.

Avoxes in white fluttered around like the pale white butterflies above her and set the table, serving some rose tea.

"I found Leora." Sera traced the smooth porcelain surface of the cup before her. "She...was for a lack of a better words, barely holding on."

The President narrowed his beady cold eyes on her, examining her appearance. He wouldn't be able to find a speck of dirt or blood on her with how hard she scrubbed it all away. He could only nod and take a sip of the warm tea. "Where was she?"

"In her apartment—everything was trashed, she had locked herself in her room and I think...if I was a little late, she might've done something...regrettable."

His jaws clenched yet his face was blank. She could easily tell he was not happy about the update. "How so?" He pressed her for more.

Of course, she'd be a complete fool if she gave him the answers he wanted. "I don't know, it's just my guess. I found some sleeping pills and I know it's not uncommon to take them but they were strong pills that I've only seen used on critical patients at the clinic."

"And she was taking them."

"Half the bottle was nearly gone, some was spilled on the floor but it's clear she was taking them. I don't know how she managed to get her hands on them. As for as I know—"

"Those are prescription drugs." President Snow finished for her. He placed his hand under his chin and exhaled softly. His eyes were still on her. She did her best to remain calm and not let her anxiety unravel the lie she had carefully spun. "Leora will carry on coming to the Capitol for mentorship..." He announced after a moment of silence. "Taking into account of her fragile health, I'll allow her to remove herself from her other pre-existing duties."

It worked. Her lie had been bought, still it wasn't over yet. Sera took a sip of her drink, to wet her parched lips. "I'll let her know." She answered, still with the feigned concerned look on her face.

The President waved her response off and leaned back into his seat. He wasn't happy with the progress and he made it clear. "It seems your bulk of work has increased."

"Yes, it has. I won't lie and say it's not stressful." She answered with half-honestly and half-lies. "My family thinks I might relapse." She added.

"Health is important." He mumbled. He didn't really care—she knew he didn't care. He was more concerned about losing a pawn than anything.

She had no choice but to agree. "Indeed."

"Anything else?"

"The Redcliffs had Minister Thistlewood over for dinner a few nights ago. I know they're close but Tamora informed me that Cassius Allard was also there."

"Really? Did Tamora tell you more?"

No, she didn't.

Sera had barely spoken to Tamora and would only see her in passing, looking desperate and lost as ever. Once again, Harp had been the one to provide her with this information in exchange for her trust. "Only that Scarus stormed out of the house early on." She carried on, tracing the handle of the porcelain cup. "I'm not sure what that means but Tamora suspects that not everything is right with the Elite Guards."

"The Elite Guards." President mused. Suddenly, she remembered the lack of Elite Guards near the Presidential Palace but before she could think about them further, President Snow had moved on. "Do you know why Elite Guards were formed, Seraphine?" He asked her without a warning and she didn't know what to say. He didn't really wait for her to answer, he started speaking again. "It was formed by Minister Thistlewood's father in my late youth, long before I was elected with claims to be the Peacekeepers the Capitol needed. What do you think?"

She thought nothing of it and even if she did, she was sure her words would be used against her. "I d-don't really understand what you're asking of me."

"Ah, I'm asking whether you think they live up to their purpose in the current climate."

It was an easy answer for Sera. A simple 'no'. Instead she stared down at her unfinished tea with a conflicted look. "I'm not sure, I don't speak for the Capitolites and I don't want to overstep my boundaries."

"Boundaries." President Snow chuckled darkly, a little amused at Sera's choice of words. "It's good to know where you stand and where the lines are drawn—many cannot say the same."

"I hope they find their way."

"Yes, I hope they do though I don't have much hope—"

Sera's mind went back to Leora's apartment earlier that night, Finnick's cold hands around hers, begging her to not lose hope. She shoved those memories in a box and shut it then pushed to the back of her mind among the forgotten memories she'd never want to relive.

"Then I'll be seeing the President next time."

"Minister Thistlewood asked when you and Scarus will get it done." Unfortunately, President Snow wasn't done. Despite it being late at night, he still had enough time and energy to torment Sera.

Her body turned stiff and cold, she could feel a strange phantom-like hands wrap around her throat before trailing its fingers downwards. She suppressed a shiver of disgust and the urge to gag. "I'm a very busy person." She managed to spit out with a small soft smile on her face, hiding her anguish beneath.

President Snow nodded, not really caring about her or what he had just said said. He seemed distracted by the flutterings of the strange pale butterflies above. "I am aware but it seems he has forgotten." He said quietly. "I do understand you will be taking Leora Shelley's place again as a mentor." Sera bowed her head, standing up. "You have your hands full, I hope it won't drag you down. Any predictions for the victor this year."

"Last year was a surprise." It honestly was. She didn't expect Zephyr to actually attempt to survive. His attempts were obviously successful.

"Still, I'm sure you have thought about it."

"None as of yet. I haven't had the chance to see the reapings or attend the tribute training viewing sessions."

He didn't say anything more as she was escorted out by his assistants.

Leaning against a marble column, still cloaked in his personal uniform, different from both Elite Guards and Peacekeepers, Scarus waited. He kept his eyes on a pocket watch, fumbling around with it, lost in his thoughts but when he saw Sera, it all disappeared.

Sera ducked her head and didn't bother to look him in the eye despite his attempts to catch hers. She was far too exhausted to even make idle conversation. Scarus placed his hand on hers and she recoiled, jolting awake as if she had been burned by his little touch.

Her skin was itching and burning at the same time. The urge to pull and tear at her skin suddenly took over her mind—she balled up her fists instead, her nails digging into her flesh, distracting her from the urge.

"Se—"

"I'm tired. Can we please just drop me off?" She cut him off and hurried past him, not even noticing the clear frown on his scarred face. He sped up his steps to catch up with her, not trying to grab her like earlier.

He kept looking over his shoulder, checking on her. "...Is everything okay?" He asked, not knowing why. It wasn't like her to act so distant—actually, it was exactly like her but usually she at least pretended to be polite.

Sera could see him trying to come up with excuses in his head for her behavior and she supposed she was to blame. She almost sighed, wishing things were a little easier for her. In the arena, things were the easiest. She could pretend better back then too and when she won her games.

Time was making things difficult for her.

How nice it would've been if her time had stopped when Eugene had wrapped his hands around her throat. Cold rough hands, she could still feel wrapped around her delicate throat like a noose that no one could see but only she could feel. How nice would it have been if Eugene had extinguished her life then and there—

"Seraphine." Scarus called out to her again.

Her dark thoughts were curtained and she turned to her guard who was waiting for her. Without even realizing it, she had been driven back to the Victoria Apartments. Scarus waited patiently for her to wake up from her daydream to escort her back.

She only bobbed her head tiredly and got out of the car without waiting for Scarus to open the door. Her guard let out a loud and annoyed breath before following her. "You don't need to drop me off all the way to my apartment." She said, cradling herself as if she was almost trying to protect herself.

Something dark flashed in Scarus' eyes and she took a step back, putting distance between the two of us. "You know we should do—"

"I'm tired." She repeated. "Exhausted really. You don't know what my day has been like. I do my rounds at the clinic, discuss things about the new hospital opening and then, trying to find Leora. It's been...it's been a long day."

"My day was tiring as well and you never know this could be relaxing for both of us."

Bile rose in the back of her throat and she struggled to hold it down, turning away from him to swallow him back then rather than throw up all over him. She didn't want to hear it. She'd run from this as far as she had to.

Without thinking she asked him. "Have you ever drawn blood, Scarus?"

His eyes grew cold and he narrowed in on her, not expecting her to ever call him by his nickname ever again. Surprisingly, he hated it. There was a strange itch that hurt when she called him 'Scarus'.

He ignored it and shook his head. "No, I haven't."

The corners of her lips went up, barely noticeable. "I can tell."

She had drawn blood and she knew how easy it was to smell blood too just from a single drop. It had a distinct smell, the strong metallic smell that smelt exactly like wet iron, very similar to the stench coming from the small wounds on her hands.

"If you're afraid of blood then I'll make sure—"

"I'm really tired, Icarus." She tried for the third time in a softer tone. Her dull silver silver eyes looked up to meet yellow-gold eyes. The crazed spark in his eye dimmed and his face softened before he nodded.

Relief flooded her for only a moment. She turned away and started to climb the front marble steps leading to the entrance when Scarus' voice stopped her in front of the elevator. He was close so close that the urge to pull and rip off her skin was returning to her and panic bubbled in her chest causing it to ache. She struggled to keep her breaths steady.

Icarus' lips brushed against her ears as he snuck up behind her. His body trapping hers between the elaborate doors of the elevator. "Maybe we could start off slow with something like a...kiss."

A cold shiver ran down her spine and she suppressed the oncoming trembles by focusing on the pain from the wounds she had made earlier. She struggled to find her voice, begging herself to not sound so weak. "I'm..." She breathed out.

"Yes..." His voice rumbled in her ears. He sounded almost desperate like a man deprived of water wandering a scorching desert and she was his unwilling oasis.

"I'm...really tired." She finally managed to bite out just as the elevator made a quiet sound before it opened. She was praying it was empty and thankfully it was. "I have a long day tomorrow and a long week ahead, I'd like to focus on my...current and more important tasks. If you don't mind..."

Without waiting for Scarus' response, Sera stepped into the elevator as gracefully as she could without looking like a prey running away from a predator. Flashing a tired and hollow smile at her guard, she quickly pressed the button to close on his face.

Still she couldn't relax, not yet. Even if Beetee Latier often took down the security cameras in the apartment complex, she couldn't let her guard down. She would wait until she was at her floor and at her apartment before she even thought about breaking down.

At least that was what she had planned.

"...Finnick." The boy in question looked up at her. He leaned against her apartment door with a small paper box in his hand. "What are you doing here?"

He tilted his head to the side, gesturing towards her apartment building. "Waiting for you to let me in."

She sighed. She took out the pins with ornate small mock oranges which held her hair in place and ruffled it around. "Go home." She said honestly. "Please. I just...I want to be alone."

"After what happened earlier this evening? Bad idea." She unlocked the doors and could barely even think before he was the one holding the door open for her. She gave him a stern look that he pretended he didn't say. She couldn't help but sigh and give into him.

She watched as he closed and locked the door behind her, making sure to also lock the second lock she had in her apartment.

"I just don't see how it's bad being alone after the...eventful evening I've had." She truly thought being alone was the remedy to the sickness forming in her mind.

He shook his head and put down the package in his hand. "Considering how you reacted back then, I'd say it's a bad idea for you to be alone."

Unknowingly "Well, I'm fine now." She balled up her fists once more, quickly remembering to hide them behind her back.

Unfortunately, she wasn't quick enough.

Finnick noticed it immediately. He strode towards. She backed away, turning away and going to the living room, almost running away from him. He caught her by her arm and spun her around to face him before taking her hands into his.

He examined her newly formed wounds and then glanced up at her with a conflicted look. "This is exactly what I meant when I said you shouldn't be alone right now."

She sucked in a breath, breaking contact with him. She was looking everywhere but at him. His sea-green eyes were intimidating to her. The storm in his eyes was hard to look at. Even more harder than his hands on hers, carefully tracing her wounds.

At least, his touches didn't burn her skin and she didn't have the desperate urge to rip off her skin. She felt almost lighter at his touch. Her face heated up. A light rosy pink crept from her ears, flooding her cheeks in seconds.

"I'm...fine." She stammered out, trying to pull away and suppress the heat.

His grip on her only tightened, carrying on his actions as if he wasn't fazed but he was. When he noticed her rosy cheeks, a soft smile appeared on his face, a smile he knew his 'clients' would kill to see.

He had to force himself to keep his face blank. "Where do you keep your first aid kit?"

"Storage room near the hall. Kit's at the front in the storage room."

He nodded, letting go. He was a bit reluctant to let her hand go. He had to let go if he wanted to help her. Her hands felt colder in the absence of his and she folded her arms around herself, not caring if little drops of blood managed to get on her coat dress.

She went over to the fireplace and lit it before drawing the blinds. She paused to observe the bright lights of the Capitol. She could never get enough of this view. Even in the District of Power, lights were never always on. District 5 spent more time in darkness than in light, of course they were exceptions like the Lux. The Hollow was somewhere in the middle but one thing the entire district could agree on was that the lights in their district were never as bright as the Capitol.

Lights in the Capitol twinkled brightly and burned even brighter. They were blinding to look at. Still she found them pretty. If only the blinding lights were not a cover for the darkness that hid in the Capitol. The entire region or city was a nest of snakes and people like her were rats trying their best to survive.

"I got the first aid and the cake." Finnick came up behind her, freeing her from her depressing thoughts. He tried to smile, a poor attempt yet somehow he managed to convey his message. She nodded and pulled the blinds but not before darkening her windows.

"Cake?" Sera asked, watching him unwrap the paperbox to reveal a small vanilla cheesecake decorated with red tulips. "With red tulips?"

He shrugged. "There was a cake shop that also doubled as a florist near one of the places I...uh..." He struggled to speak for a second, sitting down on the floor and she joined him in front of the fireplace. "I had an appointment at." He barely managed to finish his sentence before he was already speaking again. "I thought I'd grab a cake on my way back."

She stared at him, unmoving. "There's no way a shop would be open past ten."

"Ah well you see, the beauty of the Capitol is that most shops are open till twelve, sometimes even all night."

"Those poor people..." She felt bad for those workers who'd have to work under the blinding lights all night instead of being in their warm beds. "And red tulips?" She vividly remembered telling him not to give flowers without knowing their meanings so she was a little surprised to see the familiar petals on the cake.

He grinned widely and shrugged. "What? I thought you might like them." He brought the cake forward and picked up the knife, cutting two slices and plating them up. He didn't hand her the cake slice and instead picked up the spray she had used on Leora earlier that evening.

"I didn't say I like them." She pointed out and he didn't say anything. He just took her hands in his, turning them around, her palms facing up. "Oh, I hate this." She made a face, already knowing the spray was going to sting and burn.

He rolled his eyes, tracing her wounds again. He looked up at her to meet her gaze, she glared at him with a smile on her face, a smile he returned. "Maybe, don't hurt yourself then we won't be here." He licked his lips and brought the spray close to her hands. He sprayed it once and she hissed quietly. With his spare hand, he rubbed her wrist in an attempt to comfort her before spraying it twice more on each hand.

"I hate you." She grounded out as he took away the spray. Her flesh burned and melted together, stinging and burning before a cool sensation blanketed the unpleasant feeling. "I don't use that spray for a reason."

"I'm sure it's a very good reason." He said sarcastically, ruffling his hair.

"You know you are such a nosy person. You need to learn to mind your own business—should've just left "

He only laughed. "And let you be alone with your thoughts." Her eyes wandered over to the corner where a shadowy figure stood. Eugene, Gaius and Amethyst looked at her with anticipation. He noticed her gaze immediately and with a finger under her chin, moved her attention back to him. "You know you're proving me right."

She shut her eyes, opening them again and the dark fog disappeared. "...I don't see how. I was just looking at the window."

He raised his brow in disbelief. Turning to the covered windows and back to her, he tilted his head to the side. "Really? The window? Come on," He chuckled and moved a little closer to her. "You can come up with better lie than this."

"I wasn't lying." She was. She knew she was the only one who could see her ghosts and the last thing she'd want is for him to call her crazy which she might've been. "I was just...checking if I closed the blinds properly."

"Right. I believe that."

She scoffed softly and grabbed onto his wrist, gently pushing it off and moving his finger from under her chin. "I don't care if you don't believe me."

He stared at his artist which she had touched for a second with a strange smile on his face before pursing his lip and dipping his head low. "I believe that too. Cake?" He gestured to the slices of cake he had cut earlier. She bobbed her head and reached for a slice of cake. "So what happened?"

"You know the usual." She separated the crust from the cake filling, choosing to eat the crust before touching the sweet cream. "President Snow asked me where I found Leora and how I found her. I was half-honest."

"Like always." He mused with a light grin, spooning a small piece of cake into his mouth.

"You expect me to tell him the truth? That Leora almost died because she slit her wrists in the bath?" He shook his head. "That's what I thought. I told him she was close to attempting and he...he removed her from being prostituted."

Both stopped eating and looked at each other. He let out a deep audible sigh and ruffled his hair. "Who knew it was that easy?"

"I hardly think that was easy. She nearly died."

"True but at least she's free now."

"Being dead inside is free?"

"Free in some ways is still free."

"How optimistic." She commented dryly, finishing her slice. "Tulips again? Not knowing the meaning of something is dangerous, Odair."

He chuckled lowly, mouth full with a piece of cake. "I spoke with your aunt."

She sat up, a little interested. Did her aunt tell him about its meaning—she wouldn't. She knew her aunt wasn't someone so careless.

"Did she—"

"She seems fine, though a little worse than before." He promptly changed the topic, letting her question hang in the air.

She wouldn't find out the answer to her question just yet and he'd prefer it that way. He hoped they'd keep the balance they had struck between them for a while. Wishful thinking.

She stared at him for a moment. "She wants to end her treatment and go back home."

"She wouldn't last long if she did." He pointed out and she agreed though she didn't voice out her opinion. "I'm sorry that was out of line."

"No. No it wasn't. She's stubborn but I guess I'll let her do what she wants."

"You...will?"

She nodded. She could sympathize with her aunt, being stuck in bed and having all her decisions made for her, she was like that not too long ago. "It's what she wants, I don't want to stop her from doing what makes her happy and if going back home makes her the happiest. I don't want to stand in her way."

"You sound like you already know what's coming."

"My aunt used to say that you can't stop a storm from coming, you can only take shelter from it."

"So you think her dying is inevitable."

"It doesn't matter what I think...this is out of my control just like I can't stop President Snow from giving out his orders, I can't stop lying and killing those who got on his wrong side and I know that I can't stop Scarus—one day, maybe next week..." There was a lump in her throat, stopping her from speaking. Her chest ached and she didn't want to talk anymore but she had to. "I'll have to sleep with him."

He reached out and took one of her hands into his, giving it a comforting squeeze but even with all his attempts, it was inevitable what was going to happen. Scarus didn't care or he wouldn't have tried to kiss her.

"He tried to kiss me." Sera carried on, lost in her thoughts. "I haven't even kissed anyone and I'm so...scared of him...of the future—if I even have one. I don't want him to take me or at least be the first person to touch me. If it was up to me I wouldn't even let him touch me."

"But we don't have a choice." Finnick finished for her, breathing heavily. He didn't look at her, in fear that one look at her would show what he was feeling with ease.

She was the one looking at him, hoping for some reaction. "...No, we don't." She agreed. "Unless,"

"Unless..." He echoed. Slowly he turned to look at her. His eyes trembled with anticipation.

"We make our own choices without letting anyone know."

Teary-eyed, he couldn't help but laugh. "How bold." He shifted closer to her and she didn't run or back away. "Very rebellious too."

To rebel, she hadn't thought about that in a while. Plutarch's deal was still on the table, she just needed one more push to go for it.

"It's not a bad idea...to rebel." She murmured, thinking about it even more.

"No, it's not." Finnick agreed, staring at her painted lips. She still had her makeup on. It was light but still noticeable.

"I haven't kissed anyone before."

"Do you want to try?" He asked without thinking and she blushed furiously. Blinking a few times to check if it was real or not she nodded. "...Relax." He whispered, sending shivers through her.

Clear silver eyes met his calm sea-green ones like the moon meeting sea before she shut them softly. Her cheeks stained with pink as he leaned down and brushed his lips against her soft ones. She opened her mouth to let him in and she was pushed back a little but he caught her before she could fall on the floor.

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her in. He tasted like vanilla and caramel, like the subtly sweet cake he had brought to comfort her.

When he pulled away to let her breathe, it was her who pulled him in. He didn't complain and she could feel him smile as he cupped her face in his hands, deepening the kiss.

Neither really remembered much of that night but that moment and that single moment would haunt them both for years. Even when Sera tried her hardest to forget it. He wouldn't let her, he haunted her, joining the ghosts whose lives she had ruined.

Flower/Plant Dictionary:

Pimpernel - Change

Mock orange - Deceit

Red Tulip - Declaration of Love

Author's Note:

Yes, they did do more than kissing. I just suck at writing smut.