Chapter 33: Turning Point

"Please…" She silently begged. "Just leave me alone for five minutes. I just need some air." She pleaded, refusing to look at him.

Scarus took out a handkerchief and held it to her. She stared at his outstretched hand bitterly. It all felt ingenuine to her, a mockery of her outburst of emotions. Still, she took it but not because she wanted to but because she had to.

Her aunt was gone, never coming back from where she went and she might be losing her siblings. Her life had never been so bleak. Talissa for all her faults was a great sister, the one who stayed up day and night to tend to Sera in poor health. She sacrificed her desire to simply carry on after their aunt to not only learn the art of making medicine but also went on to study to become a doctor. Her brother who always understood her no matter what.

She was going to lose them all.

She had never felt so alone and so helpless.

Tears threatened to overflow from her eyes as she swallowed them all, desperately trying to hold herself together and not fall apart. She had tried so damn hard to just be happy. She promised her aunt but what was the point if her future didn't have her family. The people that she fought hard to live for.

What was the point of it all?

She took sharp labored breaths, trying to keep her wildly beating heart calm. Her lungs felt as if they were collapsing, her head hurt and her heart ached. She couldn't do this anymore.

What was the point of winning if she was going to lose it all?

The two stood in the balcony of the Presidential Palace in silence. She stared at the dimly lit garden below. Her thoughts were a scattered mess like a storm had ravaged her mind. Yet it was organized enough for her to know exactly what she had to do next.

"What's better: being happy or being alive?" Sera asked without thinking. "Or better yet ambition or happiness?"

Her guard stood still staring at her floral lace covered back before taking off his coat and draping it over her shoulders. He took his place, taking a step back and then cleared his throat. "That's a personal question."

"You're right. We're not close enough for me to ask you that." She said with a wry smile. "Forgive me for stepping over the line."

Scarus licked his lips and took off his hood, revealing his scarred face. He ran his finger through his blood-colored hair, frustrated at how helpless he was. Perhaps, someone like Finnick Odair would be better with comforting others but not him. He couldn't even comfort himself. Sweet nothings were not his forte.

"I don't know what it's like to have a family." Her guard admitted quietly as the clouds parted and moonlight escaped its prison to shed some light on his scarred face which he believed to be so hideous. His yellow-gold eyes shone brightly for once as he tried to recall what little fond memories of his family he might have had. There weren't many. "My godfather—I know you don't like the Minister but he was the closest I had to a family. The only one who saw me—my potential. My little brother was the second but I could never bridge the gap between us—it was my fault."

Her mind elsewhere, she was listening just not focusing completely. She didn't want his comfort. She wanted her aunt, her parents and her siblings and her cousin. She wanted her family and maybe Finnick. She stepped out of the corridor of her memories to weakly respond to her guard.

"Are you sure your godfather really saw you?" A little cruel of her to say something like that but she wasn't in the mood to be kind since that man that he called his godfather might've just killed her aunt and maybe her siblings. "I'm not trying to cross the line—I'm just saying from the sound of it, he saw a…nevermind."

Scarus drew a sharp breath and covered his face. His eyes were wide. He never considered it a possibility. He never considered being used. He turned sharply to look at Sera. As always, she never looked at him when she spoke to him, only turning to him when she wanted something. At least she was honest. He felt sick to his stomach.

"I never considered it." He choked out. "Being used. He wouldn't do something like that—"

"Like I said, forget it. I crossed the line. I was just thinking about him as the Minister of Security or something and then…"

"No. No. You have…oh." He stood there as realization hit him like a storm. His godfather only spent time on his training after his parents turned their eyes away from him, he was even personally recruited by his godfather. Still he couldn't let go. "Ambition triumphs everything." He said suddenly, changing the subject or maybe that was his conclusion.

Sera tilted her head to a side, her hair cascading to the side, exposing the side of her neck. "I don't understand what you mean."

Scarus licked his dried lips, moistening them up before he took a step forward, attempting to cross the line she had drawn. "What I mean is I don't mind being used if I can stay on top."

"Sounds like a sad existence." She commented. "Who do you think deserves to win?" The change in subject felt so sudden but Scarus welcomed it without a question.

He took a while to answer the question, observing Sera as she looked down at the gardens of the Palace. "Not Agate and not Annie so neither."

"Then nobody wins."

"That's not allowed." He commented.

"Someone needs to win. Even if both the options are terrible."

He sighed and ruffled his hair, slumping down on the railing, meeting her height. "Annie Cresta isn't a bad candidate." Sera stiffened at his answer but she said nothing. "But she isn't the best. She's too fragile, a girl like her will break the moment the crown sits on her head. Agate is too volatile and violent—"

"I thought you didn't mind violence."

"Unnecessary violence is something I hate and besides Agate is vicious. Someone vicious like him is a liability, nobody knows what he might do outside the arena. He's not even disciplined like Enoboria, Gloss, Brutus and even Gladius. He'll be a pain outside the arena."

She snorted. He was such a hypocrite, only a few years ago, he was biggest fan of Huxley, someone who had gutted his opponents alive. "Really? If I remember correctly, weren't you a fan of Huxley and if you remember his games he gutted about three tributes alive."

"He was attacked and he only defended himself. Agate didn't defend himself, he purposely let go to kill your tribute and even before the dam broke he killed a few helpless tributes who were on his side. He's not suitable."

"So Annie's the suitable one. Like what your godfather said." Scarus flinched and looked away. "Even if she's fragile, she could be good."

He nodded. "Kind tributes like Annie and you are rare in the history of the games."

Sera couldn't help it and a sad, defeated laughter bubbled out of her, rocking her body side to side. "It's funny how you used to despise me for being kind."

Red flushed his face, creeping up from his ears and then dying his face. The red almost matched with the dark red of his hair. He probably felt shame from their first meeting as he walked through memory lane. Sera to his surprise actually had a good memory. "I…I was a little confused but I…see now that your win was deserved."

Her face darkened and she visibly stiffened and his heart dropped. He said the wrong thing but before he could rectify it, she spoke out. In a cold tone, cold enough to freeze his heart, she said. "I appreciate your honest hate over your sickly sweet lies."

He suddenly grabbed her, turning her around to face him. He couldn't wait anymore, his skin burned every time he was around her. He had to have her. He needed her. With a single finger under her chin, she tilted her head up to look at him. Her cold silvery eyes met his and his chest felt heavy. This wasn't right but he didn't care. He crossed the line and tried to close the distance between the two.

She turned her head away from him and pulled away before he could even lay his lips on hers. "My aunt just died." She said in a small voice, looking back at him with teary eyes.

Shame filled Scarus but he couldn't bring himself to apologize to her. "Did you kiss him?" He found himself asking instead and he couldn't even react before he felt a sharp sting on the scarred side of his face. He let out a gasp of pain before laughing maniacally. His laugh turned bitter and he looked away, holding his face. "So you did." He said as she was shaking her head in disbelief. "You and Finn—"

Before Sera could raise her hand against him once more, he caught it mid-air and pulled her in. Her face was so close to his. His eyes trailed down from her pretty eyes to her painted lips. Immediately, she pursed her lips and he let go.

Scarus let out a sarcastic laugh. "Barely? Please, the entire nation knows that there is something going on between the two of you. Everyone knows that Finnick Odair is interested in you. He knows what you like and you know what he likes. That's not a coincidence. I've seen you two at Caesar's shows even at the Presidential dinner. A fitting pair you two make. A beautiful pair! Stunning! A prince and a princess that everyone will sing about! Of course, I don't fit in! How could I! Look at me!"

She let out a sharp gasp. He was right but she didn't care enough to hear him. Finnick was the only thing that made her happy in a long time. Worst of all, he chose the worst time to throw a tantrum over her lovelife. "My aunt died." She repeated. "My older brother and sister might die too. I understand that you and your family have issues but the least you can do is let me have a moment of mourning before trying to kiss me and accuse me of being with someone I've barely talked to."

That finally did the trick. Scarus jolted awake from whatever delusions blinded him. They weren't really delusions, just someone who had the courage to mention the obvious. "Oh no…I…I'm so s-sorry. I…I don't…I didn't…I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He kept repeating, reaching out for her but she took a step back. She did look at him but her gaze was hollow with tears streaming down her face. Only then did he realize the severity of his words. "Seraphine—"

Sucking in a tired breath, she wiped away her tears with her own handkerchief, sewn by her aunt. She placed his unused handkerchief back into his stretched out palms and turned away from him. "Let's go back." She said with a soft smile as if everything was fine.

The guard stared at her in silence. "Are you sure?" He asked, blocking her path. "If you want I can take you back to your apartment."

"Why?" She countered, licking her dried lips and watched him swallow his breath. "So you and I can be alone?"

"No." Scarus answered after some hesitation. He wanted to yes and actually kiss her, continue what they never started—his trail of thoughts was derailed when Sera laughed bitterly.

"It's not good to lie, Icarus." Sera clasped her hands behind her back and smiled at him with hollow eyes. "I know you want me and the truth is…" Scarus leaned in with hope. "I need to get back." She brushed past him, leaving him there to gather his thoughts while she weaved back inside.

Zephyr met her in the hall and offered his shoulder to cry only for Sera to punch it instead. He let out a quiet yell and was about to complain but stopped when he noted that his temporary misery had brought a smile onto her face. "I got a message from Huxley a few minutes ago." He began, hands in his pocket. He paused and craned his neck to check behind her. "Clarisse is fine." Sera let out a breath of relief. "Talissa came out of surgery, she's fine. Ramiel woke up and Nox has been patched. I think they'll make it."

She was so relieved, she couldn't stop herself from throwing herself at Zephyr. The older boy was stunned for a moment. He wasn't used to affection, barely getting any from what remained of his family and sometimes Clarisse in the absence of her brother. Still he didn't push Sera away. Instead, he patted her back in comfort. It was almost like he had an annoying younger sister.

The two stayed in their comforting embrace until they heard footsteps, Sera promptly released Zephyr, almost pushing him to the floor before dusting off her dress and flashing a bright smile at Zephyr who rolled his eyes in response. He took her hand just as Scarus reappeared and as did Finnick. The two boys glanced at one another, examining the other while Sera and Zephyr went past them and back inside where Annie and Agate's trial of life carried on.

"I'm telling you Annie is the best choice, President Snow." Minister Thistlewood argued while Laelia vigorously shook her head. "We've had many victors like Agate. Finnick's not even arguing her case."

Finnick, who had taken his seat back, looked up and flashed a bright smile. "Why, I just think Agate would be a better and more…entertaining victor. I'm trying not to be biased. Annie might be my childhood friend but let's be honest she got lucky when the dam burst." His words surprised Sera and didn't surprise her at the same time. He didn't want the life he and the other victors had for Annie. She was too fragile after all.

A pang of pain shot through her heart. She was indeed a little envious of his care towards Annie but she suppressed it remembering the lengths everyone around her went to keep her blind to the truth about winning.

President Snow placed a hand under his chin and pretended to think. He didn't care who won, he just wanted it done and over with. It seemed neither candidate was suitable in his opinion. "What do Seraphine and Zephyr think?" He asked, ignoring Minister Thistlewood.

"Since the President asked," Sera's eyes flicked to Scarus and then her attention was back on the President. "Agate is indeed skilled and fought hard to be there but, Agate is too volatile and violent while the rest were swimming to survive, he stopped momentarily to kill off the tribute from Five."

"You're being biased." Minister Thistlewood interrupted her but President Snow held his hand out to silence him.

President Snow slowly bobbed his head in agreement. "It is an interesting point forward. Annie has the love of Panem and Agate had the admiration—until that moment."

"Agate is vicious." Sera added and Scarus' eyes widened. Those words…he said them not a mere hour ago.

Zephyr stared at Sera for a moment as did everyone around the table. The spoon in Finnick's hands clattered onto the white plate and his eyes widened, he tried to catch Sera's eyes and plead with her to reconsider. He knew that not pleading for Annie was cruel to Annie and her father but it was his mercy.

Sera didn't look at him.

He turned his gaze to the half-eaten meal in front of him. His body trembled in quiet anger over Sera's betrayal. She should've understood him. When he looked up, she was looking at him but her eyes no longer held the same warmth they had an hour ago—an hour before she found out about her family. "We've had vicious victors before and—"

Sera promptly cut him off as if she was expecting him to argue against her. "Someone vicious like him is a liability, nobody knows what he might do outside the arena. He's not even disciplined like Enoboria, Gloss, Brutus and even Gladius. He could be a pain outside the arena and might offend someone." She spoke the words she borrowed from Scarus, shocking both boys in the room, neither knowing why she was saying what she was.

President Snow grinned in amusement. The dull luncheon had become not so dull and he found it entertaining how the two rumored lovers were falling apart in front of him. Sera knew what the President was thinking but she couldn't bring herself to care. She had a clear plan now. Agate could not be declared the victor no matter what.

"I agree." Plutarch cleared his throat just to say those two words. President Snow and Minister Thistlewood glanced over at each other. Despite their current situation, the two felt it was strange that Plutarch had chosen to speak his mind rather than watch the situation unfold. "Annie Cresta is an underdog and people were charmed by her since her first interview."

"So you believe she should be declared victor based on her…charms?" President Snow quietly pressed him and Plutarch shrugged in response. He still wasn't convinced about Annie and he seemed almost bored by the debacle.

"People like underdogs." Zephyr pointed out. "I mean…not to brag or anything but when I or Sera won, people were in awe and there was a renewed interest in the games."

"Exactly." Plutarch appeared thankful to Zephyr who nodded in response. "The current state of the games aren't so great. Decima did her best but the rating had a dip this year until the finale, there were no standouts. There was a little moment with Ms Cresta's interview—the mention of her sister Jenny, a tribute from the 68th Games—" Plutarch's eyes flicked to Sera's blank face and back to the President. "It would be…more meaningful if Annie won. Agate was–is the expected winner. Him being declared would only cause a dip in the ratings and perhaps turn off more viewers since they won't be surprised anymore with the results."

"Agate deserves this." Laelia croaked out. "And all you can talk about is ratings."

"Nothing personal but we need good ratings to keep the games going."

"Indeed." President Snow agreed. When he turned his head up to look at them, the table went still. His decision had been made and so had Sera's. She and Plutarch shared a look missed by everyone as they were too busy trying to get another word in but the President silenced them all. "A vote, we'll put it to a vote. Redcliff," Scarus took a step forward, arms at his side, ready for the command. "You'll have a say too."

"Thank you Mr President." Scarus bowed his head and stayed next to Sera.

Plutarch took that as his cue to start the vote. "In favor of Annie Cresta?" Minister Thistlewood, Plutarch and Sera raised their hands. The heartbreak over Sera's decision to save Annie was evident in Finnick's eyes but she didn't look at him or Scarus. "Three for Ms Cresta." Plutarch declared while eying the President who had yet to vote. "In favor of Agate Byron?" Finnick's arm shot up and as did Laelia's but surprisingly Scarus chose to vote for Agate. Three and Three, it was a tie. "And…" Plutarch let out a cough, suppressing the embarrassed grin on his face before he announced. "Three votes for both Ms Cresta and Mr Byron."

"It's a tie." Minister Thistlewood said with a sigh. "It seems, the final decision is your Mr President."

President Snow with his hand under his chin scanned the table. "It appears I must intervene." He began, signaling to the avoxes on the side to get something. Those avoxes disappeared and reappeared with champagne for the rest and just plain sparkling juice for Sera. "Three for three. Only one needed to break the tie." Finnick and Laelia sat up with eager eyes as they looked at the President. "Congratulations Mr Odair." Finnick's heart dropped but the smile on his face didn't. "District 4 has a new victor. I'll be seeing you and Ms Cresta again soon."

"Thank you Mr President." Finnick said, raising his glass in a toast but the bitterness in his eyes couldn't be hidden from Sera. He wasn't pleased with her but she had to do this. It was cruel but the game had changed and she needed pawns.

Finnick didn't show up at her apartment that night or night after. She didn't even see him when she was about to depart from the Capitol. No comforting words were traded between them and the two passed by each other calmly, returning to their own district before the 70th Victory Dinner.