You are probably all in disbelief that it didn't take me six months to update. Not much to say on this one. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Eight (Aragorn)

The journey to Annuminas was long and tiresome for all involved.

Arathorn had never travelled outside of Minas Tirith and the new routine made him want his mother even more than usual. I could see how it wore on her when he insisted on riding with her and hanging on her as soon as we stopped for the night. She did not complain though. She merely gave him the extra attention he so needed.

Adnan was thrilled to be on the journey. Fahall had been deemed ready to carry Adnan such a long way and the boy carried himself like a young man all the way to our new summer home.

We arrived to Annuminas after midday after more than a week of travelling. The King's residence was similar to our home in Minas Tirith, but much, much smaller.

The part of the building that jutted out could only be accessed from Mareke and I's bedroom.

Many of the city's residents came out to greet us, but even as I waved, I kept an eye on my wife who seemed too weary to appreciate the warm welcome we were receiving. Arathorn bounced in the saddle in front of her, oblivious to her exhaustion.

As we made our way into our temporary home, I politely declined a tour of the place, but made sure it was known that my family and I would enjoy nothing more when we were all better rested.

We finally reached our chambers and I looked at Mareke sheepishly.

"It would seem I gave very little instruction by way of decor. Perhaps that might be a project you would enjoy?"

She gave a nod and a smile that did not reach her eyes.

Shuk was on her hip, wide eyes taking in his new surroundings. Mareke seemed dead on her feet.

I took our son from her and set him on his feet.

"Adnan, occupy your brother for a moment."

Adnan took Shuk's small hand before he could follow Mareke and I into our bedroom, though we could hear him fussing behind us as I closed the door.

"What is the matter?" Mareke asked, looking up at me.

"Nothing," I replied, taking her in my arms and kissing her forehead. "I just want you to rest. You are exhausted and I do not blame you."

"The boys-"

"Will survive for a few hours without you," I cut her off, moving her toward the bed.

I undressed her like a child, letting her know I had no further intentions than her comfort.

She had let me hold her for longer and longer before we left Minas Tirith. I was permitted to kiss her with some regularity and sensuality, but it ended there. Every time.

I pulled the covers back on the new bed and sat on the edge as Mareke settled and got comfortable.

"Are you sure?" she asked drowsily.

"I am positive," I assure her, stroking her hair.

"Just an hour or two," she whispered.

I continued to stroke her dark curls for a moment longer after she fell asleep.

There were dark circles under her eyes and her collarbone still protruded. I made sure she ate, but she only humored me to a certain extent. Often she did not sleep well and so I was happy to let her have a few hours to herself.

I leaned over her and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. With a sigh, I stood and gathered myself before going back to the boys. It took a moment as I looked back at my wife, already in a deep sleep. I wanted to lay down next to her and pull her against me, but I had other obligations.

"Mama!" Shuk demanded as soon as I stepped out of the bedroom. He tried to get around my legs, but I lifted him onto my hip.

"Mama needs a nap." I stroked his curls as I had his mother's to comfort her. "We should explore our new home," I suggested.

Adnan rose from where he had been sitting on the rug.

"Is she okay?" he asked quietly.

Our eldest had been intuitive since I had met him and he had been well aware that his mother was not the same as before she had gone to Harad and he could tell that something bad had likely happened, causing the negative shift in Mareke.

"Just tired from the journey," I assured him, setting Shuk on his feet so he could toddle in front of us.

I looked down at Adnan and was grateful that Mareke had persuaded me to keep our third child a secret for as long as we did. I could not fathom having to tell my sons that there would no sibling for them, excited or not. I was not sure I could have gotten through such a discussion.

My mind flashed to finding Mareke in the jungle shack and the blood that had been caked and crusted on the skirt of her dress.

I shook my head and tried to focus on Adnan and Shuk chasing one another down the corridor.

"Are we going to live here forever?" Adnan turned and asked me.

I shook my head. "Only in the summers when it is hot in Minas Tirith."

"It is really never too hot in Minas Tirith," Adnan replied.

"Perhaps not to you, but I do not have the desert in my blood like the three of you."

Adnan laughed.

As we continued to explore, the sun dropped in the sky.

"Tomorrow, when everyone is well rested, we can explore outside." I steered the boys back towards our private rooms, sending for dinner. "We can take a boat out on the lake."

While the meal was prepared, I sat on the bathroom floor and bathed Shuk and oversaw Adnan cleaning himself after our long travels.

Surprisingly, Shuk allowed me to cuddle him after his bath. His warm skin was soft and smelled so clean. I had never experienced a scent so delicious before Shuk had been born.

He sat on my lap and ate lazily what I spoon fed him. After a few bites, he did not take the porridge I offered him. I craned my neck to find that he had fallen asleep against my chest.

"Come Adnan," I bid as I carefully adjusted Shuk so I could put him to bed. He stayed asleep, head on my shoulder. Adnan went to his own room as I entered the nursery. Gently, I deposited Shuk in the crib and brushed his hair from his forehead. I tucked Adnan in quickly, promising that we would take a boat onto the lake the following day.

I checked on Mareke, who was still sound asleep, not having moved an inch from where I had left her. I had not seen her sleep so soundly since before she had gone to Harad.

The bath I sank into felt incredible. I had given up on my habit of taking ice cold baths. Mareke had often charged me with taking Shuk into the tub with me when he was an infant to save her time and those needed to be warm. Even though he no longer tolerated such a thing, I could not make myself go back to my frigid cleaning ritual.

Travelling to Harad and back and then to Annuminas had been hard on my body and the warm water relaxed my muscles to the point where I was dozing off in the bathtub.

When I came to, the water was cool and the windows dark. I dried off and entered the bedroom once more, carefully settling myself next to Mareke. She did not stir and I fell quickly to sleep.

Hours later, I sat up straight, a cold sweat coating my body, heart racing.

Standing from the bed, I retrieved the pipe and pipeweed I had requested be stocked in our summer retreat.

I stepped out onto the private balcony over the lake and settled into a wooden chair, breathing hard.

On my first few tries, my hands were shaking so badly that I could not light my pipe.

I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, trying desperately to steady myself.

I had had nightmares my entire life. I was a child who grew up without parents. I had seen gruesome acts most of my life, but none of those had haunted me like the dreams I had been having since returning from Harad.

In the same dream I had over and over again, I did not get to Harad soon enough. I rushed to Mareke's limp body in that shack and in my dreams she was not breathing, she had no pulse and I sobbed over her, crushing her body against me.

In the dream, I saw our lost child next to her; impossibly small. Mareke was cold, but her dark eyes were open, staring up at me, long extinguished was any hope that anyone would find her.

I stood abruptly and went to the doorway so that I could see my wife, assuring myself that she was alive and safe.

Mareke brightened around her sons, but when they were not present it seemed as though the nightmare continued for her. My nightmare continued in not being able to help her, to fix her, to make her happy once more.

I returned to the chair outside and managed to light the pipe, inhaling deeply the pipeweed. I hoped that Annuminas might help Mareke at least somewhat.

Hours passed and I stayed outside, not wanting to go back to bed and risk falling asleep again.

"That smells good," Mareke's drowsy voice came from the doorway.

"We are much closer to the Shire. I thought I would indulge whilst here."

"You are the King. You may indulge whenever you like." Her hand rested on my shoulder lightly.

I took her dark hand and kissed her palm before pulling her to sit on my lap.

"What are you doing out here so late? Or early, I suppose." Mareke rested her head on my shoulder.

"I could not sleep," I murmured. "But I am glad you slept so well for so long." I pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"So much for one or two hours. Thank you for taking care of the boys."

"Shuk was too exhausted to put up too much of a fuss," I laughed softly. "It actually felt as though he liked me."

I felt Mareke smile against my neck. "He loves you."

"Only when you are not around and only grudgingly then."

We sat in silence for awhile. I held her tightly against me, closing my eyes at the peaceful feeling her warmth brought to me.

The horizon turned pink as we sat outside.

"I like this place already," she whispered as the sun slowly made its way above the lake.

Shifting so I could see her face, bronze skin gleaming in the early morning rays, I kissed her lips gently.

"When Legolas and Gimli arrive, I would very much like to spend some time together just the two of us."

It had always been my plan to do just that, but we had left Lady Belethiel behind so she might spend time with her own family. Legolas and Gimli stayed behind to help Faramir for a while so that we might have some time just the four of us.

She looked away. "I want to be better. I want to enjoy this time with you and our sons."

"Would that it were that easy. But we will make happy memories here to replace the old, unhappy ones."

"What if these feelings never go away?"

"They may never completely go away. Something momentous like what happened to you will be difficult to overcome. We already know that."

"I am so frightened," she whispered.

"Of what?" I asked, as though I had not woken that night terrified myself. We could not both be scared. "I am here with you no matter what. As are our friends and especially your sons, Mareke."

"They all want to see me better."

"Of course they do. If that becomes too much pressure, remember that I want nothing from you. You can find a refuge with me. If I can win an occasional smile from you and have you on my lap then I am happy."

Mareke smiled softly, but genuinely, at me.

I put my forehead to hers. "I have both of things right now. I want nothing more."

"Can we take a boat out yet?" Adnan yelled as he came crashing out onto our balcony.

We both jumped and Mareke clung to me. I rubbed her back in soothing circles.

"After breakfast," I replied. "Go get dressed."

"I can tend to them today," Mareke said, rising from my lap. "You should sleep. We can take a boat out tomorrow."

I shook my head. "I have gone much longer without sleep before."

We made our way into the bedroom to change for the day and then went into the dining room where Adnan was making his unusual eating habits known to one of the unaccustomed servants.

"So we are going onto the lake?" Mareke asked Adnan as she sat across from him.

He nodded eagerly, but then looked at his mother thoughtfully. "If you are well rested and feeling up to it."

Mareke tried to hide the look that passed over her face. It was a small, sad smile and I imagined she hated that her seven year old had to be so considerate of his mother.

"I am very excited," she assured him.

As the food was brought out, Shuk could be heard crying from the nursery. Mareke rose once more and went to fetch him.

I was struck, when she came back, with how serene she looked with Shuk on her hip. She was rubbing his back and whispering into his messy curls to help him wake easier. Her body was relaxed and her features were soft.

I pulled them both close to me when she sat down. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," I breathed, lips grazing her ear.

She turned and met my lips in a sensual, tender kiss that I wanted to go so much further.

Adnan ignored our intimacy, but Shuk pressed as hard as he could against my chest, showing his indignance with a grunt.

Mareke laughed against my lips before I pulled away and looked down at my son.

"I know she is yours. I am sorry for overstepping."

Shuk pressed himself against his mother's chest and glared at me.

Mareke fed him his morning porridge and fruit, smiling at her son's antics the whole time.

I sent a servant ahead of us to have a boat and a captain made ready for us. I had very little experience with the craft and so I let someone else handle it for us.

The man greeted us warmly and respectfully when we got to the small dock on Lake Nenuial. Adnan leapt wildly into the sailboat and I followed him. Instead of trying to take Shuk from Mareke, I offered her a hand and put my other on her hip to guide her gently into the boat and then we sat where instructed at the bow, out of the way of the sail and with a magnificent view of the lake and the forest and hills that surrounded it.

The sail filled with the breeze and we were off sailing smoothly through the middle of the lake. I glanced up at the sail and smiled to realize we had our own boat with the sigil of the White Tree on it.

Adnan squealed in his glee and stood at the very center of the bow.

"On your bottom, please!" Mareke called, though she was smiling at her eldest. He tried to sit down, but he was too excited and returned to his position standing. I looped a couple of fingers in the belt loop on his breeches and winked at Mareke.

I could not look at the lake or the forest. I could only stare at her. After a while she closed her eyes as the breeze blew her wild curls about. The sun on her skin nearly immediately took away some of the sallowness. More and more peace was stealing upon her and I was overjoyed to see it.

Shuk, on the other hand, looked terrified. His little body had gone rigid in his mother's arms and his eyes were wide the entire time. I let out a booming laugh at the sight.

Rather quickly we made it to the opposite shore of the lake even though it was quite large.

"This is a perfect spot for swimming,Your Majesties," the boat captain informed us.

Adnan looked to his mother eagerly, hopeful.

"You heard the man," I said, taking off my shirts and boots, and jumping down from the boat, splashing into the shallow water. I reached for Adnan, but he jumped after me, similarly stripped down. I looked to Mareke who shook her head. Shuk was wiggling on her lap and she stripped him down until his brown little body was completely naked. He fussed as she tried to hand him to me.

"I am not going in. If you want to go, you have to go with your father." He seemed to understand her for he gave up the fight, wanting to be in the water with his brother who was already swimming and splashing around, more than wanting to stay with his mother.

I waded into the lake and Shuk giggled and clapped his hands in delight. Mareke sat staring down at us with a soft smile. I began to swim on my back and Shuk sat on my stomach, little hands balancing himself on my chest.

When us boys had tired ourselves out, I helped push Adnan back into the boat as he scrambled in and was wrapped in a tower handed to Mareke by the captain. I handed my wife our naked son who she wrapped in a towel as well.

"Was that so fun?" she asked him as she sat down and began to dry his hair.

I hauled myself over the side of the boat and took a towel from the captain.

Mareke paused in her movements and I felt her eyes on me. Her cheeks flushed when I caught her staring and I gave her a wink, causing her to aggressively go back to drying Shuk's hair rather roughly.

I took it as a good sign.

We sailed back to the other shore. With Adnan more subdued after swimming, I was able to sit next to Mareke and drape an arm around her shoulders.

After we had lunch back in our chambers, Adnan insisted he was not tired and played on the floor with Shuk and his blocks.

Before Mareke and I had finished our meal, I glanced behind her and found both boys soundly asleep on the rug.

"Perhaps you should rest as well as I do not think you slept at all," Mareke suggested.. She rose and went to lift Shuk from the floor.

"Leave them," I bid her. "They do not know the difference."

She turned to me, but I was already behind her, my arms snaking loosely around her waist. "Come with me." I pulled her into our bedroom, shutting the door behind us.

Mareke allowed me to kiss her and it very quickly deepened. I had lost track of how long it had been since we had lain together. I wanted that part of my life back badly, but I tried to control myself, not knowing exactly what Mareke had suffered in that jungle shack.

She raised no protest as I took her breasts in my hands and kissed down the column of her neck. My hands slid down her sides and began to bunch her dress up so I could feel her bare skin. Of its own volition, one moved along her inner thigh and I was no longer cognizant enough, as I reached for what I wanted, to feel her body go rigid in my arms.

"Aragorn." She separated herself from me. "I cannot."

I nodded and tried to even my breathing, but before I could speak, she had sunk to her knees and was untying my breeches.

"Mareke, no." I tried to pull her back to her feet, but she shook me off. "I do not need this. I do not need anything."

She did not listen to me. "I want to do something for you."

The next noise from me was a groan of sheer physical pleasure. My hands moved from her arms into her wild curls, twining and pulling. It did not take long for her sensual ministrations to reach their desired goal. My hips stuttered and I let out another deep, guttural groan.

Mareke rose to her feet gracefully and I found I could not look at her. Even though what she had offered had felt amazing, I felt dirty and guilty.

I made my way to our bed without a word.

Mareke opened our bedroom door once more and peeked into the sitting room to check on the boys. They must have been still sleeping because she closed the door softly and made her way to the bed, pulling her dress over her head as she came.

She settled next to me, but did not touch me and I did not reach out for her either.

"Did I do something wrong, Aragorn?" she whispered.

"No," I replied. "I did."

ooooOoooo

We had been in Annunimas for nearly a month. I did not try anything else physical with Mareke during that time. I still felt low for what had passed between us that first afternoon. I was not the type of man to be so base in my needs. I should never have accepted what I did from my wife. It was selfish and uncaring. From then on, I treated her only with respect and my touches were chaste.

The nightmare did not go away though, even though we were both seemingly at peace.

One night, I woke in the same cold sweat and when I looked beside me in the bed to make sure that Mareke was indeed there, she was gone.

I knew where I was and that she was likely not in bed for a very standard reason. Perhaps she had had to relieve her or get a goblet of water. Perhaps one of the boys had woken and I had not heard them, though that would have been a first.

I rose quickly and pulled a robe around myself, checking first the bathroom. When I did not find her there or on our balcony I began to panic, even though deep within myself I knew she had to be somewhere nearby.

I hurried through the dining and sitting room, not finding her in those places either. The nursery was empty except for the sleeping Shuk.

The breath I had been holding was finally released when I found her in Adnan's room. Mareke would have scared him to death if he had woken. She was standing above his bed, staring down at him, arms wrapped tightly around her own middle.

"Mareke," I whispered. She did not jump, having heard me rush into the room.

I approached her from behind and wrapped my arms around her waist, trying to loosen her grip on herself. My chin rested on her shoulder as I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb. "Mareke," I whispered again. "He is perfectly safe."

She stood without moving for a while longer before she finally freed herself from arms and left the boy's bedroom. I followed her and cracked his door.

"I have these nightmares," she said quietly once we were in the sitting room. "Nearly every night."

I nodded. She did not have to elaborate on the fate our son was faced with in those dreams.

Mareke was quiet once more. "Why are you awake?"

"I have also been having nightmares," I admitted quietly. "Though it is not Adnan's face that I see in those dreams." I pulled her down to sit next to me on a sofa. I was not sure I should speak to her of my dreams, but the words were already flowing from my mouth, desperately needing to unburden myself.

"I was not there soon enough to save you," I whispered. "I see you and our child, lifeless." I felt tears well in my eyes. "I know it is not reality that I see, but it affects me so."

Her dark eyes met mine and she was also near to crying.

"When you were being healed in Harad, I came to a realization and it has made my days only more difficult since I had it."

My wife raised a dark eyebrow as she took my hands in hers.

"I realized that I love you, Mareke. The thought of my days without you haunts me even now when you are safe next to me. The thought of our sons not having a mother and the void I, or anyone else, would be unable to fill is unbearable to me."

I had never told her that I loved her, but it surged through me then and I knew it was true.

"Who would I talk to at the beginning and end of every day? Who would I share meals with? Who would I laugh at our sons with? Who would face the court and my council with me?" I sighed. "No one could ever fill the role that you have had in my life."

I reached out and swiped away a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Aragorn," she murmured weakly.

"Because of this love, I am haunted in my sleep and I wake up a nervous, fearful wreck; afraid that I did not get to you in time. Afraid that without you, years would stretch endlessly before me and they would be void of the light only you can provide."

I looked into her dark eyes and neither of us said anything, but we instinctively reached for one another. My tears fell into her dark hair and hers fell onto my robe.

"I love you too," she said, muffled against my chest.

There you have it! Per usual, I love praise, constructive criticism, ideas, questions, and anything else you've got in mind. I do love to hear from you all. You make it such a pleasure to write this fic!

Happy reading,

Avonmora