Before we get started, I have an ANNOUNCEMENT (I guess. Not sure that's the best word). After this chapter, the timeline won't be as tight as it has been. What that means is that we'll be jumping forward a few years at a time per update or sometimes a few chapters may be clustered together a few years after the last. That being said, what do you want to see from this family as they grow older? This is the perfect time to share your ideas and headcanons. So give me rough ages of the characters and what you're thinking!

Again, I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted! Time is flying and I thought I was doing better! But anyway, here is the next update! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Fifty-Three (Mareke)

Before I knew it, I had a matter of a few days left with Adnan before I would be heading back to Minas Tirith to join Aragorn and Shuk.

For the final week, there was a vice around my chest and it felt as though I could not take a proper deep breath. The thought of leaving Adnan had remained somewhat abstract even after Aragorn had departed. I could not fathom what my life would be like when I would be in Minas Tirith for the first time without Adnan.

Three nights before I was set to leave the City of Serpents, I was in the sitting room of my chambers. I could not stand lying in bed and thinking of my imminent departure.

The door to the corridor opened slowly and I looked up to see my mother.

"Mother?"

"I could not sleep. I figured you could not either."

I shook my head. "Perhaps I never will again."

"You will," Mother promised. Before she could join me on one of the low sofas, one of the twins began crying in the other room. "Allow me," she said, turning and going into my bedroom.

She returned a moment later with Rilien.

"Rainion was sleeping through his brother's tantrum," my mother said.

I gave a small laugh. "Odd. They rarely do anything separately."

I took the babe into my arms and my mother sat on the sofa across from us.

Unlacing my gown where it was tied at the bust, I freed myself to the hungry mouth. As Rilien turned his body so he was molded against me, I studied the tiny birthmark by his right ear. It was the only way any of us could tell them apart.

We sat in silence as the babe nursed and I could feel my mother studying me, though I did not want to look up to meet her gaze, afraid I would break on the rocks of my emotions. In a matter of days, she would be the constant caretaker in Adnan's life as I rode away through the desert back towards my husband, son, and the White City.

"You are a good mother, Mareke," she whispered.

I still did not look up. "It does not feel like it."

"I know," she replied. "But someday you will understand that this is what was best for Adnan and so will he."

I could only nod, a tear rolling down my cheek, landing on the linen blanket in which Rilien was wrapped.

"I will do all that I can for him when you cannot be with him," she said.

"I know that. I am grateful." I finally looked up at my mother and met her lighter eyes. "Adnan will handle this better than I do."

"He is young and adaptable. He has proven that many times over. He will still miss you and need you. It will just look different how you take care of him from now on."

I sighed and stood as Rilien had dozed back to sleep. My mother stood as well and took a step closer, stroking the babe's cheek between us.

"Adnan is no longer your sole responsibility. These two need you. Shuk needs you. King Elessar needs you. There is still good work to be done even with Adnan in Harad."

I took some heart at my mother's words, trying to bolster myself with what little courage I had in the face of leaving my eldest behind.

"Goodnight, daughter," my mother said, pressing a kiss to my cheek before leaving my chambers.

ooooOoooo

My last few days in the City of Serpents slipped through my fingers like sand and before I knew it, we were packing the last of our things before the sun rose on the day we were to leave.

Adnan was sitting on the edge of my bed, watching. When the servants and Oyna were through I sent them away.

"I have something to give you," I said, turning to my son.

He raised an eyebrow and I went to a jewelry box that had always remained in Harad, full of items that I had not thought appropriate to take to my new home and new marriage all of those years earlier.

I pulled out a lovely, delicate crescent moon pendant on a long gold chain. "Your father gave this to me after you were born," I said quietly, turning back to Adnan. I knelt in front of him and put it around his neck.

"Often, he was away recruiting men or training. And then of course, he left to fight. Before he would leave, every single time, he would remind me that if I missed him, I had only to look up at the moon and know that he was looking at it too, thinking of me."

I pressed my hand to Adnan's cheek, no longer filled out with his baby fat, but beginning to show the same defined jaw and cheekbones that Jibran had had.

"So if you miss me, look to the moon," I tried to keep my voice even. "I will always be thinking of you."

I covered the pendant with three fingers, pressing it to his chest, before I took it and tucked it out of sight beneath his light blue tunic.

Adnan nodded and looked away from me, tears welling in his eyes.

I took his chin in my hand and turned his face back to mine, tears in my eyes as well. "I am so proud of you. Your father would be incredibly proud as well," I said quietly. "But do not let my pride in you weigh you down or think that you cannot come to me if ever you are frightened or overwhelmed, alright?"

Adnan nodded.

"I am still your mother and I still want to help you in every way that I can. If ever you need me, all you have to do is write and I will do all in my power to help, do you understand?"

"Yes, Mother," Adnan replied, tears slipping down his cheeks.

I swiped them away with my thumbs. It had been long since I had performed such a gesture for him. Quickly, I pulled him against my chest and held him tightly there for a long moment.

"Do not think for a moment that my leaving means I do not love you. It breaks my heart to leave you here, but our people need you. They need you to learn what it means to be a King and the best place you can do that is here at your Jidd's side, but do not forget all that you have learned from Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. If you can blend the knowledge you gained in Minas Tirith with what you will learn here, you will be the most competent King our Realm has ever known."

"I will, Mama."

He had not called me anything other than "Mother" in so long, that the regression back to the name he had called me when he was younger nearly unwound me.

"I know. And we will see you in Gondor for Yule. That is not very long at all," I said more to reassure myself than my son.

"Well," I said, rising again, wiping at my own eyes. "Are you ready to see me off?"

Adnan nodded, standing next to me and offering an arm, truly transforming into a young man before my very eyes.

We made our way to the stables to find my parents, Baran and his mother waiting to send us off. Both of Adnan's grandmothers held one of his twin brothers and when I approached, they helped to bind Rilien to my chest and Rainion to Oyna's, who was already there and waiting by her horse, Gimli waiting at the pony next to her.

"We will take care of him," my father said. "And we will do it by your rules."

I nodded and gave him a small, sad smile. My mother hugged me as best she could around the infant that was bound to my chest and then Jibran's mother approached.

"Keep him humble," I beseeched her. She was the only one who would be around my son who had not ever had a taste of power or the privilege that came with being born into the royal family. I had offered those things to her a thousand times, but she was the only person I knew who was strong enough to turn them down.

The older woman took my face in her wrinkled hands and looked deep into my eyes, before nodding and pulling me down to place a kiss on my forehead.

I turned to look at my son once more, standing with those people who loved him so much, but none like I did.

"I love you," I said. "More than anything."

I found my throat tightening and I was unable to say anything else. Luckily, I had done better when it was just he and I.

I turned to where my horse was saddled and waiting, tucking a few last things into the packs. I felt someone come up next to me and looked up to see Baran there.

"You will protect him?" I whispered.

"Out of a duty to my brother's memory and legacy," he said harshly. "Whatever you have told yourself that Jibran would have wanted in this situation, it is not this. He would want you with his son."

I looked around, but no one was close enough to hear him and so he continued.

"You have sold yourself to be that Northern king's broodmare and now you leave your one true Haradrim child."

I was so taken aback that I could not speak; could not argue that the choice had never been mine to go to Gondor when it had only been Adnan and I.

"Your Majesty?" Oyna said from where she had mounted her horse. "Are you ready?"

I could only nod mutely.

"Jibran would hate you for this," Baran said, before stepping back to stand next to his mother, smiling at me as though nothing had happened.

I felt as though I could not breathe as our horses were spurred out of the stables, quickly surrounded by the company of men Aragorn had left to escort Oyna, myself, and the twins back to Minas Tirith.

ooooOoooo

I had never thought that the return journey to Minas Tirith could have been any worse than the trip to Harad when I was nearly bursting with the twins, but I was mistaken. It proved to be even more difficult to manage their needs. At the same time that I struggled to ride all day, stop several times to feed and tend to the infants, and try to get a little bit of sleep at night, I was grateful.

If I had not been so occupied, I would have lost my tether to reality. In the few moments on the trip when there was peace, I could only think of Adnan and the words of his uncle reverberated in my head so that even when the twins were sleeping soundly at night, I could not.

I knew what he said was not true. Jibran would not hate me. He could not. He would understand that there had been very little choice for me in the matter. I had fought with every fiber in my being to keep Adnan with me for as long as I could. He would know that I could not stay with our son because my marriage to Aragorn had secured peace for our people when all hope was nearly lost after the War.

I was lost in my own thoughts and insecurities one morning as Rilien was snug and sleeping against my chest.

"Mareke," Gimli said as he approached me on his pony.

I smiled down at him. It was odd to see him without Legolas, but he had been constantly at my side since we had left the City of Serpents. "We will be in Minas Tirith late this afternoon."

I nodded and gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Are you alright?" he asked.

The dwarf had appraised me throughout the journey, but we had not spoken in depth of what I was feeling. He had tried, with some success, to keep my spirits light. Besides Oyna he was the one who helped the most with the babies and it was an endearing sight to see him walking throughout the camps we made or across the deck of the ship, bouncing a fussing infant and speaking in his low rumble to settle them when even I could not.

"I do not know," I murmured.

"Understandable, lass," he said, spurring his pony on, realizing I was still not into talking too much about my torment.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was filled with the strangest feeling of both anticipation and dread. I had missed Shuk more than words could say, and of course Aragorn, but once I was back in the White City that would bring the entire journey to deposit Adnan in Harad full circle and there would be no hope of ever undoing it, not that there had been much in the first place.

The sun was beginning to sink when we rode through the gate at the lower level of the city. It felt very good to be off the horse and to know that I would not have to take on such a journey for a long time, but again, the journey was over and I was officially leagues and leagues away from my eldest.

Mounting the steps to climb to the palace brought an unexpected memory of the first time I had stepped foot in Minas Tirith. We had come seeking sanctuary and Adnan had been only three, clinging to my skirts, hiding his face from Aragorn.

Now I was without him.

I stroked the downy head of Rilien as we climbed, trying once more to ground myself in the reality of the child I held against my chest. Oyna and Rainion were next to us and I was very glad for her bracing presence. Without her, I was not sure I could have handled the journey or my youngest children.

We entered the rooms I had not seen in over two months and, unlike the first time I had entered the Queen's chambers, it was a relief. It had taken a long time, but I had finally been able to make it feel like home, filling it with decor that actually meant something to my family.

The servants bowed and then began bustling around as our baggage was brought in.

"Your Majesty!" Lady Ioreth bustled in from the bedroom. "You made much better time than we had expected." The older woman ushered me into the peace of the bedroom and was immediately helping me to unbind Rilien from my chest.

"The King is in a council meeting. He thought he had more time. Should I send for him?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I am sure I will see him soon enough." I looked over at the woman who was cradling my son and watched closely as Oyna unbound Rainion and gently laid him in one of the bassinets that had been placed at the foot of the huge bed.

It had been nearly three years since an infant had shared my bedchamber.

Lady Ioreth looked up at me with tears in her eyes. Our beginnings had been rocky at best, but when I had despaired at ever conceiving again after my lost pregnancy, she had been there, tending to me with a diligence and fierceness that I had only ever experienced from my mother. She had assured me that all would be well and she had been right.

"Look at them," she whispered. "They are absolutely beautiful, Your Majesty."

Surprising both of us, I reached to embrace her, being careful of my son in her arms. "Thank you."

When I released her, the tears were rolling down her cheeks and she looked back down at the bundle she held. I made my way to check on Rainion, who was sleeping soundly. Oyna slipped her hand into mine and I gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I could not have gotten back here without you," I murmured.

"I am glad I could come," she replied.

After another moment, Lady Ioreth stepped beside me and placed Rilien in the other bassinet.

"Where is the Crown Prince?" I asked her.

"He is napping. I am afraid your entire welcome committee is indisposed," she said with a smile.

"That is not true," I replied. "You are here."

It seemed as though Lady Ioreth remembered royal propriety as she shook her head. "I will let Lady Belethiel know that she is to bring the Crown Prince to you as soon as he wakes," she said, in her more official voice.

I laughed lightly and nodded. "I would appreciate it."

I was able to oversee the unpacking of my things and freshen up after our long travels before Shuk woke.

When I emerged from the lavatory in a silk robe, Lady Belethiel was leading my middle son into the bedroom. He was rubbing his eyes with a chubby fist, hanging onto his nurse with his other hand. When he looked up and saw me, a huge grin spread across his features and I hit my knees opening my arms to him. Shuk crashed into my chest and I held him tightly, inhaling deeply the scent of his curls after a long nap.

"I missed you," I whispered.

He pulled away a little bit and I kissed his entire face causing him to giggle and collapse into my arms again.

"Well is that not a sweet sight?"

I looked into the doorway to see my husband there.

Everyone else curtsied to him, but he strode toward me purposefully. As I rose to meet him, he took me in his arms and kissed me soundly on the mouth. "It is so good to see you," he murmured against my cheek. "It has not been the same without you."

I wrapped my arms around his middle and pressed my head to his chest. I felt I could breathe easier, that the load I carried had lightened somewhat.

I did not have any words as he pulled me over to stare down at the twins who were both still asleep, seemingly exhausted from their very long journey back to their home. "I wish you would have sent for me when you arrived," he said.

Shuk had followed us and was tugging on my robe. I bent and lifted him onto my hip.

"We were able to get settled," I replied.

"I trust your journey was without issue?"

"Without major issue. It may have been easier to travel when I still carried the twins," I laughed.

Aragorn smiled and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Gardens, Mama!" Shuk exclaimed.

"A lovely idea," I responded. "Let me change and I will join you in a moment."

Shuk slipped from my arms and I disappeared into my closet to change into a casual, flowing green dress.

When I returned, Oyna and Lady Ioreth had disappeared to tend to other business and Aragorn and Shuk were waiting anxiously at the entrance to the private gardens for me. I looped my arm through Aragorn's and we set off after our middle son.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"That depends on what you mean."

"Physically then."

"I am fine. Between Oyna, my mother, and Adnan's grandmother I was allowed to relax a good deal before we left. There were many hands to tend to the twins so that I might rest."

"I am glad to hear it," Aragorn replied. "And otherwise how are you?"

I felt a lump rising up in my throat and my chest constricted. I could only shake my head.

Aragorn removed his arm from mine and instead wrapped it around my shoulders, pulling me tight to his side. He pressed another kiss to my temple.

We walked in silence for a while. Only when we reached the fountain in the center of our gardens did Aragorn bid his son to be careful as he scrambled over the edge to walk around in the burbling water.

The two of us sat on a nearby bench to watch Shuk splash around. Even though the sun was nearly set, the warmth of midsummer lingered in the air.

"I wish I could make this easier," Aragorn said quietly.

"So do I," I responded.

We watched Shuk for a while longer and then Aragorn ushered us all inside where dinner was waiting.

The twins were beginning to fuss and so I tended to them, sending Shuk with his father to get changed out of his wet clothes and into his sleeping shirt.

It had become second nature to nurse both babies at the same time and so I took them and settled into a chair in the corner of the bedroom and let them eat their fill. After traveling, they had slept longer than usual and seemed to be hungrier as well.

I stared down at them as they suckled and a small smile crossed my face. Perhaps it had been fortuitous that I had borne them when I had. While they would and could never replace Adnan, they would keep me very busy, hopefully unable to linger too much on my despair.

As we finished up, Aragorn entered the room. He bent and lifted Rainion from my arms.

"This is rather embarrassing to ask, but which one am I holding?" Aragorn studied the babe closely, but was quite obviously at a loss.

For the first time in a very long time, I burst into laughter.

Aragorn frowned and then joined me.

"Rainion," I said when I could finally speak.

I turned Rilien in my own arms so that his father could see the birthmark by his right ear. It had become much more apparent in the month since they had been born.

"I have a feeling there will be many tricks played on us in the future," Aragorn said, leading us back to the dining room.

Shuk was sitting at the table alone, not having waited to eat. He was wiggling happily in his chair as he stuffed a hunk of warm, buttered bread into his mouth.

I could not help but laugh again. The sound was comforting. It allowed me to hope that there might be some normal aspects of life in the times when I was not with Adnan.

We spent as content an evening together as possible, but I know that it weighed on my heart that Adnan was not there to complete the picture. I could feel the tension in Aragorn as well as we sat on the sofa and watched Shuk play with his blocks.

Abruptly, the toddler straightened up and faced us. "Where is Adnan?" he demanded.

The breath once more caught in my chest. I was not sure that either of us had taken the time to explain to Shuk that his brother would not be returning with us to Minas Tirith. There had been so much going on before and while we were in Harad that it had completely skipped my mind.

Of course, he would be missing his brother who was always patient enough to play with him.

I, once more, could not speak.

"Adnan is in Harad for now," Aragorn said, laying a hand on my leg.

Shuk's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Harad is his home. He is going to be King someday so there is much he needs to learn."

As I watched my toddler process that information, I was not sure if he understood that he and Adnan were not full brothers. I know I had never explained it and I was sure that he would not understand yet.

"When is he coming back?" Shuk continued.

I had to get away from the conversation. The twins had been nursed once more and put in their bassinets and so I disappeared into the bedchamber, unable to listen to Aragorn explaining Adnan's absence any longer.

When Aragorn joined later, Shuk had been sent to bed with Lady Belethiel.

"Mareke," he said quietly.

I was leaning over my vanity counter trying to take my earrings out, but my hands were shaking too bad.

Straightening, I looked at my husband helplessly.

"It will get better," he said, wrapping me in his arms. "You will write to each other and he will be back here for his first visit before you know it."

I buried my face in his chest. "I know you are right, but it hurts so much right now." I relaxed a little bit as his fingers ran through my hair, pulling gently so I was looking up at him. "I could not have stopped this, could I?"

"Of course you could not have. You fought to keep him here longer than he was meant to be." Aragorn's brow furrowed and the resemblance between him and Shuk was striking. "Did something happen after I left?"

I gave a deep sigh and then relayed the exchange I had with Baran right before we departed.

"That damned man. I could kill him with my bare hands," Aragorn growled. "That was out of line and only said because of his bitterness, you know that." He held my face in his hands. "Do not believe anything he said to you. Not one word. Everyone knows how much you love your son and the lengths you went to to keep him with you as long as possible. We have all seen the sacrifices you have made for Adnan. No one could fault you for anything that has happened, least of all your late husband. He would be proud of the son you have raised and how you have protected him."

Tears slipped down my cheeks, but I nodded and allowed Aragorn to kiss me deeply.

ooooOoooo

It was less than a month later when I received the first letter from Adnan.

As Aragorn had promised, functioning without Adnan in Minas Tirith had gotten easier. Nearly immediately upon my return, I had immersed myself back into his council and was in touch, once more, with Melda at the orphanage, making sure that the children were cared for and that the apprenticeship program was still serving the young men and women who were looking to make a life for themselves.

I was sitting in my study, working through a few documents after a council meeting. The twins were sleeping in my bedchamber and Shuk was roaming the city with Gimli, as Adnan had done before him.

"Look what arrived from Harad," Aragorn said, entering the room silently.

I looked up quickly and happily took the sealed letter from him.

I ran my fingers over the wax first, feeling the ridges of the blazing sun that the entire royal family of Harad used.

Carefully, I peeled the letter open and my heart burst to see the penmanship of my son. It was still rather messy, but I could tell that he was trying very hard to make it legible.

"Dear Mother,

I hope you made it safely back to Minas Tirith and are back with Strider and Shuk. I hope the babies weren't too fussy on the journey. I miss you already, but am being kept very busy between Jidd, Jadda, and Baran. I have sat in on a few council meetings just like you. Tell Strider, Legolas, and Gimli that Baran is teaching me to use a scimitar and I can add it to all of the weapons I know how to use. Jadda says I will be truly fearsome.

Are you helping Shuk with his block towers? He likes for someone else to build them so that he can knock them down. Someone else will have to do that since I am not there. Tell Strider I am looking forward to practicing with my scimitar in Minas Tirith. I think it might give me an advantage.

Tell everyone I love and miss them. You especially. I cannot wait to be back for Yule.

Your son,

Adnan, Crown Prince of Harad"

There you have it! I hope you enjoyed it! I'm so looking forward to your feedback and ideas (see the note at the beginning if you didn't already read it)!

And don't forget to check out my other Mareke and Adnan fic Nevermore!

Happy reading,

Avonmora