Hi all! I must say I'm pretty proud of myself for how quickly I'm posting a new chapter! I hope you enjoy this one. I think after this update, we'll be moving ahead in time so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see or a particular age for the boys! Enjoy!
Chapter Fifty-Seven (Mareke)
More than a month passed before Aragorn was able to return to our chambers. I had continued to nurse him throughout his recovery, but there was no warmth between us.
"Papa! Papa!" The twins exclaimed in their joy at having their father back in their environment when Aragorn walked through the nursery the afternoon of his return.
The boys had seen Aragorn in the Houses of Healing, but they had been frightened to see him at first in his injured and weakened state and uncertain of the unfamiliar place.
I stood from where we had been putting together a simple puzzle.
"Gentle," I said, as they hurried toward their father.
Aragorn gingerly wrapped his arms around his sons as they hugged his legs.
Shuk lingered behind me, watching his father. Being older than his brothers, he had been the most put off by his father's injury, knowing that he had barely survived.
"This is quite the welcome party," Aragorn said, ruffling the twins' curls
"There are refreshments in the dining room," I said.
The twins leapt in glee and hurried to have their afternoon snack.
"It is good to be back here," Aragorn said, falling into step next to me as we followed the boys.
"They have missed you," I replied.
"And you?" Aragorn asked.
I felt his gaze on my face, but did not turn to meet it. Instead, I stepped forward to help the twins.
"Can we go riding now, Papa?" Rilien asked, mouth full of far too many grapes.
"Not quite yet," I said. "There is still some healing to do before your father will be back on a horse." I pressed a kiss to his temple. "But soon, my love."
Lady Belethiel joined my family. I gave her brief instructions for the rest of the afternoon and then Aragorn and I were on our way to a council meeting.
My husband offered his arm and I took it, but remained silent.
"Mareke," Aragorn began. "I have said it over and over again, but I did not mean anything by what I said in the Houses. The jest I made with Gimli was to cover how much I had not enjoyed what had happened. I have ruled in times of peace, but I still have my pride when faced with comrades."
"I have never known you to not mean what you say, Aragorn. I would appreciate it if you did not begin lying to me now."
"I am not lying to you." Aragorn turned me gently, pausing in the corridor.
"Perhaps not. Perhaps you were just too careless and let me hear the banter between men," I looked up into his gray eyes. It devastated me to think about how quickly I had gone from grateful for his return and his recovery to dismayed with his hurtful words. "We are going to be late."
I pulled out of my husband's grasp and went into the council chambers.
Only recently had the entirety of the council returned from Rhun. After Gimli's return, there were two more weeks of fighting before what remained of the Gondoran army returned.
Luckily, there had been few casualties and the council had returned with injuries that were easily healed if any.
"Your Majesties," the men rose and bowed to Aragorn and I as we took our seats at the heads of the table.
Aragorn had stepped back into the role of King slowly and I was still filling in the gaps for him with all that I had done while he was away and then healing.
It was one of the first meetings with the entire council back and Aragorn at the helm, so I remained quiet for the majority of the meeting.
"Again, I cannot thank you all for your service in our latest campaign," Aragorn said solemnly. "The safety of our Realm and those of our allies is of the utmost importance. We have done that successfully."
Aragorn turned to me."I cannot thank my wife enough for keeping everything stable here in our absence. It is incredibly heartening to know that I can step away and know that everything will be handled competently and successfully."
I gave a small nod in his direction.
There were a few more small items that were taken care of and then we were walking back to our chambers. There would be a few hours before the boys were back from their lessons and I intended to return to my own study and tend to correspondences and some final details for Aragorn's birthday celebration.
It was the last thing I wanted to see to, but the Realm had been collectively holding its breath when word had spread of the King's injury. They would be expecting a celebration in his honor the likes of which had not been seen in several years.
"Mareke," Aragorn called after me. I had attempted to make a break for our chambers when he had been held up by a few of the councilors.
I exhaled and turned. He was still not back to himself physically and he moved slowly.
"I have much to see to this afternoon, Aragorn," I said, when he approached.
"I am sure you do," he said gently. "I meant what I said in the meeting. Nothing would be possible without you, Mareke."
"I appreciate that," I responded, looking away from his piercing gray gaze.
"What can I say?" Aragorn asked.
"You have already said plenty," I said, turning and heading for my study.
Aragorn did not follow me and so I was allowed to write a few letters and finalize the rest of the birthday celebration.
"Mama!"
"Mama! Mama!"
"In here!" I called to the little voices. I had been working for a few hours and was surprised that they had not returned earlier.
"The warm weather has made them absolutely feral," Gimli said, trailing my sons, huffing and puffing.
The boys clambered all over me and I pressed kisses into their hair when they were still enough.
"Are you wild?" I asked, laughing as Gimli took a seat across the desk from me.
In response, Rainion and Rilien growled at me.
"Alright, alright," I stilled them finally and kissed their foreheads. "Why do you not find Lady Belethiel and see about a bath."
They both groaned.
"You can thank Gimli," I called as they trudged out. "Whenever you return you always smell."
"You smell of hard work, lads, there is nothing wrong with that," Gimli said with a laugh.
"What did you have them doing?" I asked the Dwarf.
"We oversaw some of the repairs to the Citadel," he replied. "They may have helped haul a bit of stone. It will build character."
"That is a wonderful long term benefit," I agreed. "But it will make them go to bed early tonight."
Gimli laughed.
There were more footsteps and I looked up to see Shuk coming through my doorway, trailed by a silent Legolas.
"How was archery?" I asked, as Shuk came around my desk, leaning into me. He had continued to be the most affectionate of my sons.
"Difficult," he said. "We have moved onto long-distance targets."
"You were ready, Arathorn," Legolas said gently. "And just like the rest of it, you will become proficient."
I tapped my son's nose. "I will come and watch your next lesson. I am sure you are quite capable."
"You could always take up the axe," Gimli suggested.
"I am not sure that would be any easier," Shuk laughed. He was still leaning against me and I stroked his arm.
"Shall we leave them in peace?" Legolas asked Gimli, who rose from his chair. "Do not forget that you owe me those figures in the morning, Little Prince."
Shuk, unlike Adnan, merely nodded. It seemed my middle son enjoyed his formal lessons as much as he did his tactical ones.
"Why do you not run along and work on those until dinner?"
Shuk nodded.
"I love you," I called after him.
ooooOoooo
The evening of Aragorn's birthday celebration arrived and found me sitting before my vanity as Lady Ioreth arranged my hair.
"Could you go for me?" I asked her, only half jesting.
"Oh Your Majesty," she sighed. "You are still struggling with His Majesty?"
"I am not sure 'struggling' is the correct word," I replied. "We do not fight, but I cannot forget what I heard."
I had confided in Lady Ioreth more and more as the years passed. She had been a comfort to me when I had struggled to conceive between having Shuk and the twins and she had been almost happier than anyone else when I had brought the newborn twins home from Harad.
"It hurt," I said quietly. "I have done so much to build our lives here together with the boys. I have sacrificed much to create the life we have and it seems to mean nothing to him. He does not think that Shuk and I still need his protection even though I have been here for over a decade."
"I know," Lady Ioreth said. "I know you do. And somewhere, His Majesty understands that too."
I glanced at the older woman in the mirror. "You think I am being too rigid."
"No. I think you are hurt. And I think that sometimes it might be difficult for both of you to remember the multitude of roles you play. The King forgets he is a husband and a father while you forget you are a queen."
I put my face in my hands. "You are right."
After a few more moments, I stood and allowed Lady Ioreth to drape the heavy, navy blue dress over me. Once it was lying flat, she adorned me with jewels. It was more than usual, but necessary for the caliber of the celebrations.
A collar of rubies hung round my neck accompanied by a silver crown encrusted with rubies.
"It is his birthday," Lady Ioreth said gently as she gave me one last look to make sure everything was in order.
I sighed, but nodded before leaving the bedroom.
"Ah there she is, boys," Aragorn said when I emerged into the sitting room. "Tell your mother how lovely she looks."
"Mama you look wonderful!" Rilien exclaimed.
"Lovely!" Rainion repeated after his father.
I had to laugh at them. They were dressed in all of their finery: dark breeches, gray tunics embroidered with silver, and their own little crowns.
"You are beautiful, Mother," Shuk said, much less rambunctious than his brothers.
"Even though I told them to say that, they are not lying," Aragorn said with a chuckle.
I offered him a small smile. We had not seen one another all day.
"Happy birthday," I said.
"Thank you," he responded, offering an arm. "Run ahead boys."
They did as he said and I could feel him looking down at me. "I wish that we did not have to do all of this tonight."
"Well it is not everyday the triumphant returning King turns one hundred and one," I said.
"You have always liked to remind me of my age," Aragorn said, though he did not laugh.
I thought back to our fight in the Houses of Healing; how I had told him he was no longer a viable soldier at his age.
Guards pulled the doors open for us and there was deafening cheering for the King and his young sons. I knew very little of it was meant for me, but I smiled nonetheless as I watched the boys wave, like their father.
The hall was decorated from floor to ceiling with candles and greenery, musicians played in a far corner, and the ale and wine was flowing freely.
"You have outdone yourself," Aragorn said over the din.
Before I could respond, Aragorn was pulled away by a group of nobles who were eager to wish him well on his birthday and also to congratulate him on a successful campaign in the East.
A serving woman brought me a goblet of wine and I watched as the celebrations unfolded.
"This is quite the feat, Your Majesty," Vanya said, coming up behind me.
I looked over my shoulder to smile at her. "Yes, well, the King's birthday and all of that."
"Is everything alright between you two?"
"Oh it will be," I sighed. "He frustrates me with his male bravado."
"He was not raised within these city walls," Vanya said, both of us watching Aragorn. "He is a warrior. He has always been."
"I know," I replied. "I know that. But is he not also a husband and a father?"
"He is," she replied. "In the entirety of your marriage, this is the first time you have had to navigate something like this. There are unfair and unrealistic expectations for both of you much of the time."
I nodded. "You are right."
"Those cannot be avoided, but you do not need to make the situation harder on yourselves."
My goblet was replaced with a full one. A few other young women joined Vanya and I and so our conversation turned to the superficial.
After an hour or so, I dispatched Lady Belethiel to return my three sons to our rooms and see to their dinner and bedtimes. All of them were still too young to do little more than make an appearance.
"Ladies," Aragorn's clear voice said behind me. The women surrounding me all curtsied. "Might I steal Her Majesty away for a dance?"
When we were a safe distance away from the group, I looked at my husband. "Are you sure you are up to it?"
He gave a bemused smile. "I think I can handle a slow one."
I was gallantly twirled under his good arm before he brought me back into his hold.
"This is the first time we have danced since our anniversary celebration before the campaign," Aragorn said quietly. "This feels much different."
I remained silent, focused on the cape clasp on his shoulder.
"I do not know what else I can say to you to make this better between us, Mareke," Aragorn sighed.
I closed my eyes and let him move us slowly around the dancefloor.
"I did not want to leave you," he whispered, bending so he was close to my ear.
"And yet you speak to Legolas and Gimli of going back to battle in the future." Our eyes finally met and I knew mine were gazing at him hard.
"I am the King," Aragorn replied. "What am I to do?"
"Send others in your stead."
"That is not how I rule, you know this. I cannot ask others to do what I will not."
"What of your son?" I asked. "What becomes of Shuk if you are not here?"
"There are people who would protect him until he was of an age to rule. After my injury, I have made plans for Arathorn and created a regency plan for him. You will be briefed on it when it is finalized."
I nodded. "So you were not jesting when you said it would not be your last brush with death?" A tear slipped down my cheek.
"Mareke-"
"Twice now I have not been enough for a man to want to stay safely at home. I have told you how hard it was for me, how much I worried about you, how scared I was of losing you. And you say you will do it again as though I mean nothing to you."
"I am not a man who can simply find another profession," Aragorn replied. "Fighting is my duty. It is my duty to my Realm, to my people, and to you and my sons." His grip tightened on my waist and hand. "If I do not fight, the battle comes to our gates and then what happens to you and the boys? Have you thought of that? If I sit by and take no heed of the warnings I receive, what happens? No longer do I fight for the love of it or because I have something to prove. I do it because I have something to protect."
Tears were running down my cheeks and I was afraid other dancing couples might see.
"I love you," Aragorn said fiercely. "More than life itself and that is why I went. That is why I will go again if the need arises."
I slipped from his grip and hurried off the dance floor with my head down.
"Mareke?" Vanya reached for me as I passed her, but I shook free.
"If anyone asks, I was not feeling well," I said quickly before leaving the hall altogether.
Thankfully, the corridors back to our chambers were empty and I was allowed to pass in peace, wiping at my eyes, though the tears would not stop. Aragorn's words were ringing in my ears.
"You are back early," Lady Ioreth said when I entered my bedchamber. She stepped out of my closet where she had been arranging freshly laundered gowns and garments.
"I do not wish to speak of it," I said quickly, as she came toward me, worry on her face at the sight of my distress.
"Very well," she responded. She silently helped me to remove the jewelry and gown and unpin my hair before I went into the lavatory to splash water on my face.
Instead of crawling into my own bed, I went across the sitting room to Shuk's rooms. He was fast asleep.
I stood over him, studying his peaceful features. He was a near identical replica of his father and it broke my heart to think of him someday in his father's position. My middle son was proving to be adept enough at his tactical lessons, but he had no love of it. It did not drive him as it had Adnan.
As gently as I could, I slipped under the covers next to him.
"Mother?" he asked blearily as I settled on his pillow.
"I missed you," I whispered.
"I always miss you," he replied, rolling onto his side so that he could rest his head on my shoulder. His gray eyes closed as I stroked his hair and soon his breathing had evened back out.
Tears continued to roll down my cheeks and onto Shuk's pillow until I could stay awake no longer.
ooooOoooo
I woke to the feeling of someone brushing my hair out of my face. Blinking awake, Aragorn came into focus where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I felt next to me for Shuk, but the bed was cold and I was alone.
"I woke him and sent him and the twins with Lady Belethiel for the morning," Aragorn said quietly. He kicked his boots off and laid down next to me.
"I am sorry if I ever made you feel as though I would rather be risking my life than at home with you," he said, piercing me with his gray eyes. "I am sorry if you think I found any joy in this latest campaign. Never have I found less joy in fighting. You have no idea how hard it was to leave you and the boys behind, but I knew if I did not I was putting us all in danger. If I could mitigate that by only putting myself at risk…well there was no other option in my mind." He sighed.
Once more tears were slipping down my cheeks. Aragorn swiped them away with the rough pad of his thumb.
"I will not relish another campaign, but I will not ignore it either." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"I love you so much. The fear that I felt in the moment of my injury was inexplicable; the thought of never seeing you again made my blood run cold."
"I felt it," I whispered. "I knew the moment it happened." I looked up at him. "Ask Eowyn. It was the night of Shuk's birthday celebrations."
"Mareke," he said quietly, in awe.
I could see the uppermost part of his scar peeking out from the collar of his tunic and so I ran my finger along the puckered, pink flesh.
"Look at me," he murmured and so I did. "You are my life. As long as you are alive and well then everything that I have to do would be worth it."
"I would rather us all be safe and together," I whispered. "I am not the Queen and mother I am meant to be without you."
"You have always been everything with or without me."
"That is not true. I may not always act like it, but I need you."
Tears welled in Aragorn's eyes as well. Without a word he kissed me deeply on the mouth, pushing my hair away from my face. His hands slid to my waist and he crushed me against him, even though I felt his body tensing in pain as he did so.
"You need not prove your love now," I whispered.
"We are in our son's bed," he said playfully.
I stifled a laugh against his chest.
"But I do love you," he said into my hair. "I hope I do not have to prove that to you. I hope you know that."
I kissed him once more. "I do."
ooooOoooo
Spring passed quickly after Aragorn's birthday celebrations and I began making preparations to travel to Harad for Adnan's fifteenth birthday. Once the campaign had ended, Aragorn had happily told me that it would be safe for me and the boys to travel South once more.
I had not seen my eldest in nearly two years, something I had wished to avoid when bargaining with my father, but the trouble in the East had been out of all of our hands.
Luckily, the last few weeks in Gondor hurried along as I planned birthday gifts for my eldest and also for the twins who would celebrate their birthday shortly after Adnan's.
"Is everything ready?" Aragorn asked one night as I slid into bed next to him.
"I believe so."
"I hate that I cannot come with you," he said, pulling me against his side and kissing my temple. "I will be glad to see him at Yule."
"He is getting older and spending more time with his grandfather. He will have a better idea now of the demands on your time."
"Be that as it may, I will miss you all." Aragorn pulled me snuggly to his side.
We still had not been intimate since his return. Though his wound had healed over, it still caused him a great deal of pain. He was working with Healers to restore the mobility of his arm, but he had lost a good deal of flesh to infection and the skin was not properly stretched just yet.
I would not rush him. He had much on his plate to juggle and consider. I would not add to it.
Instead, we drifted to sleep peacefully.
Much later, I woke to thrashing movements in the bed and Aragorn shouting. I sat straight up, scared beyond thinking, but when my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw that there was no one else in the room.
"Aragorn," I said loudly, trying to be heard over his fearful noises. I leaned over him and grabbed both of his shoulders, attempting to shake him awake. "My love!"
Before I was aware of what was happening, I had been flipped onto my back and my husband was looming over me.
I had no hope of stopping him as his hands closed around my throat. He was still grunting and panting, in the clutches of a night terror.
Struggling beneath him, my hands went to his, trying to pry them from around my throat. I clawed at them and then pounded on his chest and shoulders, but even in his sleep my husband knew what he was doing. His thumbs pressed in on either side of my windpipe and I became lightheaded from the lack of blood flow.
I thought of the boys, all four of them, as my vision grew blurry and I gasped for air.
"Your Majesty!" I could not be sure who the voice belonged to, but then Aragorn had removed one hand, lashing out at whoever had entered the room. There was a loud crash and Aragorn seemed to shake himself awake, finally releasing me.
Air rushed back into my lungs as I rolled onto my side, seeing Lady Ioreth scrambling to her feet and hobbling toward me. Her hand was bleeding from landing on a piece of the broken ceramic vase I could see on the floor. I realized she must have caught herself on the end table when Aragorn had shoved her. "We must get you out of here."
I shook my head. "No. I am fine. He was sleeping. It was not on purpose," I rasped out. Having my throat nearly crushed had affected my voice.
Struggling to sit up, I looked frantically around for Aragorn, finding him standing in the corner, back pressed to the wall, looking at me with eyes wide in horror.
"Aragorn," I said, standing and going toward him.
"Your Majesty," Lady Ioreth said, a warning in her voice. I waved her away.
"Do not come near me, Mareke," Aragorn said miserably, looking away from me. "I do not want to hurt you."
He quickly tucked his hands behind his back as I approached.
"I know you did not mean to," I whispered, reaching up to brush his tears away.
"Intent would not have changed the outcome." A sob escaped him. "What if one of the boys had been in bed with us?"
"They were not," I reassured him.
"What have I done to you?" Still he would not touch me, but he stared at my neck. "I could have killed you."
I shook my head. "You would have stopped yourself," I said, even though I knew that was not true. Before I could say anything else, he had picked up his discarded tunic on the floor and hurried from our bedchambers.
Shocked, I made my way to the vanity to look at the marks on my neck. I knew in the morning the handprints would be bruised to a dark purple.
ooooOoooo
Aragorn did not return to our chambers before the boys and I were scheduled to leave for Harad. He dropped in for dinner when he could, but he disappeared as soon as all three of our sons were in bed.
Luckily, I had enough dresses at my disposal that I could hide what had been done to me and so our young children were none the wiser.
After I had tucked them in on our last night in Minas Tirith and left Lady Belethiel nearby, I went to the King's chambers. It had been years since I had been there, before Shuk was born when Aragorn was still living separately from us.
Years of disuse had caused them to become a bit shabby and they felt more dark to me than they ever had.
I found my husband at the small table near the garden window working away by candlelight, long after the sun had set.
"Aragorn?"
He jumped and my heart nearly broke to see it. I was not sure he had ever been so easily frightened in all his life.
"What are you doing here?" Dark shadows lingered under his eyes. I knew he was not sleeping after the incident. I watched him grow paler and more exhausted as the days had passed.
"Come with us tomorrow," I said, sitting at the table across from him.
"Mareke, you know I am tied here," he responded. "And besides, you do not deserve me haunting your trip."
"You would do no such thing," I replied.
"You and the boys should be away from me for a while. It will do you good."
I felt the tears falling as I shook my head. I dropped to my knees and moved so I was kneeling between his legs.
He did not touch me when I pressed my face against his chest and cried, shoulders shaking. "I do not want to leave you here. I should have been paying more attention. Instead, I was pushing you away and then planning for this trip to Harad. I was not a good wife, but I hope you know that I love you," I said through the tears. "I always will." I looked up at him and then pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply, desperately wanting him to take me to his bedchamber and remind us both of who we had once been. He allowed it for the briefest of moments, not participating in the slightest. Still his hands did not touch any part of me, instead remaining on the arms of his chair.
When I pulled away, my head was bowed.
"You should not trust me, Mareke. I do not trust myself with you. I nearly killed you in our own bed."
I could only shake my head to disagree. "It was an accident."
"It was out of my control," he said firmly.
I knew how he detested the rare occurrences and situations that he could not bring to heel with his sheer willpower. "You carry too much, Aragorn. It will fade."
"I do not know that it will and if it does not, I will not be putting you and our children at risk."
No other words came to me with the finality in his tone.
"You should go now. I will see you off in the morning."
ooooOoooo
Instead of going to bed, I went to my study and wrote a hasty letter explaining the burden that had settled itself around my husband's shoulders. When I was through, I handed the sealed parchment to the lone servant awake to tend to my needs.
"See that this is sent with all haste to Rivendell. The courier must know that it is of the utmost importance."
ooooOoooo
The next morning, Lady Belethiel and I had managed to wrangle the twins and get them to the stables.
Aragorn and Shuk were already there. Like his older brother, he had received a beautiful foal from Eomer and Lothiriel. His father helped him properly saddle the horse.
The sun was not yet up and the twins were grumpy at having been woken so early as they were hoisted onto the saddles in front of Lady Belethiel and I.
"Take care of your mother," Aragorn bid his heir. "And help with the twins. You know they are a handful."
"I will," Shuk promised solemnly.
"I want a full report from your mother that you two were on your best behavior," Aragorn said, coming to stand between Lady Belethiel's horse and mine.
The twins, as they were prone to do, looked away shiftily.
Aragorn grabbed them both by a boot. "I mean it," he said sternly.
"Yes Papa," they said in unison.
His hand moved to my knee, but it only lasted for a brief moment. "Be safe. Write to me when you arrive."
It was the first time he had touched me since the incident.
"Of course," I murmured.
ooooOoooo
Every time I traveled to Harad with the twins, I feared it could not get worse and every time I made the trip again I was proven wrong. Being confined to horses, campsites, and a boat was a misery with my mischief causing sons.
As we rode through the gates of my home, I was exhausted, but exhilarated to see my eldest. Before the horses had even come to a stop, Rainion and Rilien were scrambling for the saddle and heading for the people who gathered to greet them: both his grandmothers, my father, and Adnan.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw my son. Two years had made a world of difference. There was no longer any baby fat on him, he had grown taller than me, and I could see the muscles on his arms, chest, and stomach.
"Mother," he said, stepping forward. Even his voice was lower than it had been.
"My goodness," I murmured as he stepped into my embrace. "Look at you. You are a man grown."
I held him at arm's length and then let my hands travel to his face so I could look into his soft brown eyes, thumbs rubbing over his sharpened cheekbones.
Abruptly, I pulled him back against me, thinking that all too soon he would be in Aragorn's position. Only recently had I come to truly understand the toll being a warrior took on a man. It was not merely physical threats that my son would face, but there would be repercussions for his mental and emotional stability as well.
I knew I could not slow time. Already my son felt in my arms like his father had before him; hardened with muscle and ready to prove himself.
I hope you loved it! Again, please let me know what you thought and if there's anything in particular you'd like to see as this family gets older. I love hearing from all of you!
Happy reading,
Avonmora