Hi all! I am so sorry once again for the delay, but here I am. I hope you enjoy this update. I think work has slowed down so I might be able to update more often, but I'm not going to make any promises!

After this update, I foresee another time jump, so enjoy the family at this age.

Chapter Fifty-Eight (Aragorn)

I was sitting in my study late one night, midway through Mareke's trip to Harad. I was desolate without her and the boys, but I was also relieved that they were gone.

Even though there was no one else in my bed, there was no one that I could harm but myself I still found I could not sleep. The nightmares came relentlessly and so I worked.

It was long past midnight and my eyes were burning, reading the same document over and over because I was not retaining the information.

As I read the same sentence about autumnal harvest projections for the fourth time, I thought I heard a knocking at my door. I shook my head. I assumed I was losing touch with reality.

But the knock came again.

"Come in?" I said hesitantly, not sure who would be on the other side of the door, or worse, if there was even anyone there.

The door swung open and in the dim light, I made out an identical pair. Unsteadily, I rose to my feet. "Elladan? Elrohir?"

My twin brothers moved into the light.

"What are you doing here?"

"You do not look well, brother," Elrohir said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Did Mareke write you?" I asked, foregoing pleasantries. My temper immediately flared.

"She did and for good reason it looks like," Elladan said.

"That was out of line for her. I am fine."

"You are working at nearly three in the morning," Elrohir said. "And it looks as though that may be normal for you of late."

"It is nearly harvest," I replied. "It is a busy time."

"You have a few months yet," Elladan returned.

The tension was rising as Elrohir stepped forward. "Elladan and I have traveled a long way. I think we would appreciate some rest even if you do not want it, Estel."

"I will show you to guest rooms," I said, shooting a hard look at Elladan.

Elrohir walked ahead with me. "Your wife is worried about you. She did not give us the specifics of what ails you. She left that to you." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Let us help you."

I hesitated as Elladan walked past me as I held a door open to their shared chambers.

"You have been through so much, but this does not have to defeat you, Estel."

He put both of his hands on my face, looking deep into my bloodshot eyes. "Work through this for your sons, if not yourself."

"Alright," I whispered. I felt my eyes well up.

Elrohir gave me the dignity of not acknowledging my weakness as he disappeared into his rooms.

I slowly made my way back to my chambers. Even though Mareke was no longer in Minas Tirith, I could not bring myself to sleep in our bed.

The King's chambers depressed me endlessly. They were not warm or alive with the sounds of my family. The bed did not smell of Mareke's sandalwood perfume.

I stood at the foot of my bed, staring at the rumpled sheets. I had not let the servants enter my bedroom since I had moved back.

Shedding my heavy overclothes, I slipped under the sheets, dreading when sleep would come and the nightmares would return.

ooooOoooo

The next morning, I was already awake, staring at the canopy of the bed blearily when Elladan and Elrohir entered, silently, before the sun.

"Dress Estel," Elladan said, standing over me.

Apparently his attitude had not changed from the night before.

"We are going into the Wild," Elrohir said more gently. "Faramir will be here to tend to things before the end of the day."

"The Wild?" I asked, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and putting my head in my hands.

It seemed I had lived with a permanent headache since Mareke had left. The lack of sleep had wreaked havoc on my body.

"Yes," Elladan replied. "It used to soothe you when you were young."

"I am not young," I said, getting slowly to my feet and going to the basin to wash my face and hands.

My days as a Ranger had been, before my marriage, the happiest of my life. Being solitary in the outdoors, responsible for protecting people, had been my greatest calling.

As a King, I was still responsible for protecting my citizens, but my reign had come with bloodshed from the beginning.

Without a word, I pulled my riding clothes on and packed a small saddle bag, preparing to head out with my brothers.

From the stables we took off at a good pace, headed northeast toward North Ithilien and the woods there.

Going at such a clip, we were unable to speak much to one another, for which I was grateful. We remained mostly silent even when we stopped to feed and water the horses. I knew my luck would not hold out as we entered the woods and the sun set.

My brothers set to finding wood for a fire and I drew out my bow and arrow, prepared to hunt for my own sustenance. Elladan and Elrohir would require very little to eat and I imagine they had come prepared with their own food, but I would need to hunt.

Silently, I moved through the trees, listening until I heard the rustle of undergrowth to my left.

Without hesitating I drew and strung my bow, letting the arrow fly. I heard the squeak I had expected and felt around for the rabbit.

It had been long since I had been responsible for feeding myself and it felt better than I had expected to get back to my origins.

There was a fire blazing when I returned to the clearing that we had chosen for our camp. I took a seat on a fallen log and began to skin and dress the rabbit so that I could roast it.

"How long will we be staying out here?" I asked, not looking up at my brothers.

"However long you like," Elladan replied.

We continued to sit in silence as I roasted the rabbit over the fire and the twins pulled lembas from their own packs.

"I wish she would not have sent for you," I said, when the rabbit was done. I found I had no appetite and so I laid the meat aside. "She is always meddling."

"I think you mean she loves you and wants you to be well," Elrohir replied.

"It is all the same with Mareke," I replied.

"If it makes you feel better," Elladan said gently, reaching out to touch my arm. "She did not tell us what happened. Only that you needed us."

"That was presumptuous," I scoffed.

"We are not your enemy," Elrohir retorted. "We only want what is best for you," he said, as gently as he had spoken to me since their arrival.

"I do not know what that is anymore," I said quietly. "Or I do, but I cannot find it."

"You have seen and been through so much," Elladan said. "But you are not alone in feeling this way. Many have struggled as you are."

"I thought she did not tell you," I said, looking up at him quickly.

"Mareke told us nothing, but it is obvious to those that love you, Estel." Elrohir gestured at the untouched food by my feet. "You are not eating, you look as though you have not slept properly in weeks."

"Why do you not tell us what has happened?" Elladan suggested.

I ran my hands vigorously through my hair, unable to speak.

"You are not weak," Elladan continued. "If none of this bothered or affected you, I would be even more worried."

I paused and took a deep breath. "I nearly killed her," I whispered rawly.

Neither of my brothers spoke, nor did they react in any way to what I told them.

"When I came back from the Houses of Healing, I had an episode in the night. I woke to my hands around her throat and Mareke thrashing beneath me, her face turning purple. I had dreamed she was the enemy and I lost all control."

Hot tears slipped into my beard as I thought back to that awful night. "I am barely living with myself now. What if…?"

"Do not entertain that question," Elrohir said firmly.

"I cannot help it. I am supposed to protect her, to keep her safe and now I have turned into the threat!" I was ranting then, wringing my hands between my knees.

"What if one of the boys had been in bed with us?" At that thought, a sob broke free from my chest and I buried my face in my hands. "What if I had killed one of my sons?"

"They were not. You did not. And Mareke is fine. She could not hold this against you," Elladan said.

"That makes it worse! She should be terrified of me. She should want to remain in Harad indefinitely."

"You seem to be the only one who does not understand this situation, Estel," Elrohir said.

I looked up at him, tears still running down my cheeks.

"Mareke is the daughter of warriors and you are not the first that she has loved to experience battle and all that comes with it." Elrohir tightened his grip on my harm. "She wants you well. She wants you to be able to heal from the horrors and bloodshed you have seen. She knows how it can poison a mind. This is not your fault."

"Perhaps it is not, but if I cannot control myself around my own family…" I trailed off. "They should not be near me."

"You need time. And with Mareke and the boys gone to Harad and Faramir watching the Realm, you are free to take as much as you need. Let the wild soothe you as it once did. We shall sleep under the stars, bathe in the streams, and let nature heal you," Elladan said reasonably. "You have seen so much bloodshed and horror in your life, but do not forget that there is still much good as well."

I remained silent, breathing deeply the scent of the forest around me, trying to slow my hammering heart and racing mind.

"Rest," Elrohir bid me, standing and going to the horses to retrieve our packs.

I took mine from him and spread my bedroll on the ground that was still warm from the hot day. I bunched my cloak under my head and stared at the stars through a gap in the tree.

Elladan had said there was still much good in the world, in my life in particular, but I had lost sight of it. I grew ever more sad as I thought of the things I had missed since my recovery. I had not been present, mentally at least, for the laughter and antics of Rainion and Rilien, nor the inquisitiveness of Adnan. I had missed the warm touches and smiles from Mareke.

Eventually, my exhaustion and the sounds of the forest crept over me and I fell into a deep sleep for the first time since before I had gone on campaign.

ooooOoooo

My brothers and I stayed in the forest of North Ithilien for over two weeks. After the first night, they did not press me to speak again and so we were mostly quiet.

It had been decades, but we could move soundlessly around one another as we walked through the trees, scouting like in the days long before the War, my marriage, and everything that had happened afterwards.

As I always had when scouting, I kept an exact count of days.

"Mareke and the boys will return in three days," I said, late one night as we sat silently around the fire.

"And how are you feeling?" Elladan asked.

I thought for a moment. "Excited," I finally said, a small smile coming to my face. It was true. Even before Mareke had left, I had dreaded her return; dreaded being the shell of the man I had been then for even a moment longer, but unsure how to escape him.

"You seem much improved," Elrohir said.

"I feel much better, though I fear what will happen when I am back within the White City once more."

Elladan nodded. "Hopefully you have learned to see the good."

"Yes, but in the City I am the King. There are so many pressures," I said.

"You have many capable people around you to help. Not least of all your wife," Elrohir replied.

"It is not fair to her that she should shoulder my burden when I cannot. Should she not be allowed to be just a woman? Just the Queen who assists, not leads?"

"Mareke is not 'just' anything and she has offered her assistance. You will do yourself no favors by thinking that you are a burden to those that love you," Elrohir said. "You have done much for those around you. Let them help you as you have let us help you."

I nodded. "You sound like your father. Both of you." I looked between them. "I have thought that since you arrived."

"All three of us received many of his traits for better or worse," Elladan laughed.

"Do you miss him?" I asked.

They both nodded. "Often."

"Will you see him again?" I asked.

Like their father and his own twin, Elladan and Elrohir were half-elven and had been given the choice to either sail to Valinor or to remain in Middle Earth and live a mortal life.

It was the closest I had ever come to asking them about their choice.

"We will," Elladan said quietly.

I nodded, letting the news of their departure sink in.

"Not immediately, of course," Elrohir added.

A part of me had always known that they would follow their father…and their sister, but we had never discussed it.

"I have not thought of her in so long, but now," I trailed off.

Truly, it had been years since Arwen had crossed my mind in any meaningful way, but there had been a pang in my chest to know that the entirety of my adopted family would leave Middle Earth.

The twins were silent for a long while as I worked through whatever it was that had come over me.

"When the War was over I thought I would never forgive her," I said quietly. "I could not look at Mareke without thinking of what I had lost. I was entirely unfair to my wife in those beginning years."

My brothers were watching me, not saying a word. They had seen the brute I was to Mareke just after our wedding.

"Arwen and I shared much and I have much to be grateful for from our time together, but now, over a decade after my marriage, I cannot imagine my life any other way, with any other woman than Mareke."

Tears pricked my eyes. "I want so desperately to be well for her."

I covered my eyes with my hands.

"I believe it is time you returned to the City," Elladan said. "This time has done you good, you will see."

ooooOooo

I resettled back in the Queen's chambers when I returned to the city. For the first time since the incident in the night with Mareke, I slept well in our shared bed, breathing deeply what remained of her scent. It gave me hope for when she would return.

I had told my brothers to stay in Minas Tirith for a while. Mareke would want to see them and the twins would be delighted to see older versions of themselves. I had not seen my brothers since Arathorn had been poisoned and so they did not know my mischievous younger two. They reminded me greatly of my brothers, who could nearly read one another's minds.

Two days after we returned from Ithilien, I was sitting in my study, finally able to focus on the work of the Realm.

There was a light knocking at the door and I looked up to see Elladan and Elrohir. "They are here, Estel," Elladan said with a small smile.

My heart began to beat a little faster. Nerves overtook me at the thought of seeing my wife. I had not been myself when last we had been together. I hoped the peace I had found in Ithilien would stay with me as life resumed its normalcy around me.

I rose from the desk and walked with my brothers to the citadel gate.

"Peace, Estel," Elrohir said, laying a hand on my shoulder as I fidgeted next to him. "This is not like you."

"No," I agreed, trying to stay still.

After what seemed an eternity, I heard the chattering of the little twins coming up the steps.

"Papa! Papa!" They cried when they came up the last staircase.

Though they were growing rapidly, I hefted them both into my arms and laughed with them. "Oh how I missed you!" I exclaimed, breathing in the scent of horse and little boy sweat before setting them on their feet.

"Father," I looked up to see Shuk, leading his mother up the steps.

"You have grown even more since last I saw you," I said, hugging him tightly.

Arathorn joined his little brothers who were looking up at the Elrondian twins in awe. They had never seen another pair of identical twins.

"Aragorn," Mareke only murmured my name, but I turned to her nonetheless. She was rumpled and dusty from her travels, but I still could not take my eyes off of her.

"It is good to see you," I said, taking her hands in mine.

She looked at me as though I were a stranger. "You look well," she said, giving my hands a squeeze.

"I feel well," I assured her, pulling her into my embrace.

Her body relaxed against mine and I felt her exhale. After a long moment she pulled away and looked up at me with her dark eyes. She put her hands on my cheeks and smiled.

"Come," I said, offering an arm. "I have had a meal prepared for all of you and I want to hear every last detail about your time in Harad."

Immediately, Rainion and Rilien began to talk over one another.

"Adnan took us on so many mumak rides!"

"And we played with the leopard cubs every day!"

"Adnan said perhaps for our next birthday, he might gift us our own cubs!"

"Did he clear that with your mother?" I asked, chuckling.

"I was too exhausted by that point to care," Mareke said with a laugh.

I smiled down at her. "I cannot imagine how tired you must be. But I want to hear everything," I repeated. "How was Adnan?"

"He is wonderful," Mareke said, warmth seeping into her voice. "You almost would not recognize him. He is a man grown."

"You should see him with his weapons!" Rilien exclaimed.

"He is quite proficient," Mareke agreed as we entered her chambers and settled around our dining table. "And he seems so very wise after so much time with my father."

"I am glad to hear it," I said.

The twins finally quieted down once they were in front of their food.

Arathorn told me of the lessons he had taken in Harad; learning the language and the history of his mother's people.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Mareke spoke with Elladan and Elrohir and I was grateful that she had sent for them.

It did not take long for the boys to grow tired after their exciting stay in Harad and their long travels home.

"How nice to be in your own beds," Mareke whispered as she tucked Rilien in. I did the same to Rainion.

We slowly backed out of the room as they drifted to sleep. My hand rested on Mareke's hip as she softly closed the door.

"I hope you are not too tired?" I asked, pulling her by the hand back toward our bedchamber where she could see that I had moved my things back in her absence.

"I am yours." She stretched up on her toes to press a kiss on my lips, which I immediately deepened, pulling her as close to me as I possibly could.

"I missed you," I murmured against her throat, kissing down to her collarbone.

Mareke sighed and pressed herself harder against me.

A thought stopped me in my tracks. I pulled away, unable to meet her questioning gaze. "Are you frightened?"

"Frightened?"

I tried to keep my voice even, but was unsuccessful. "Of me?"

Mareke turned my head with her hands so that I was forced to look at her. "Aragorn, you have only ever been my safety," she said so sincerely it almost broke my heart.

"I am sorry for what happened before."

My wife silenced me by placing a finger over my lips. "I love you. So much. You were hurting and I did not see it and for that I am sorry."

It was my turn to silence her, but I did so with a kiss, drawing her deeper into our bedchamber.

I slipped her dress from her shoulders as she undid the laces of my linen tunic at my throat.

As her skin, darker from the sun of Harad, was exposed to me I could not help but to run my hands over every inch of her. It had been long since I had been with my wife and I wanted to spend time refamiliarizing myself with her body.

I took my time, taking her breasts in my hands, trailing my hands down her stomach and lower, until she was panting against my chest.

My tunic came off and I was not sure which of us was responsible for it, but I kicked out of my boots and pushed my breeches down, stepping out of them as I lifted Mareke and placed her gently on the bed.

"You are breathtaking," I whispered, leaning over her, holding myself above her.

I was desperate to prove that I was not a man she should fear and so I pushed into her as slowly as I could, groaning as I did so.

"Aragorn," Mareke breathed my name, drawing her knees up, locking her ankles around my hips.

I wanted to drive into her, was nearly losing my control, but I could not do that to her.

"Please," she moaned as I continued with my slow, teasing strokes. "You are going to drive me to madness."

Abruptly, I rolled so that I was on my back and she was straddling my hips; trying to let her be in control.

I gripped her tightly around the waist to prevent myself from bucking into her, instead letting her rock back and forth.

"Mareke," I ground out as her head fell back and she began to whimper. I knew I could not hold off much longer and was grateful when she cried out, slumping onto my chest, allowing me to find my own release, breathing hard against her shoulder.

"I am glad you are home," I said when I caught my breath.

"Do not restrain yourself with me," Mareke said, rolling off of me and snuggling against my side.

"I do not want to hurt you," I whispered, grateful for the darkness in our bedchamber.

"I trust you," Mareke replied. "More than anyone. Find peace in that."

It was the first time I had felt normal with my family in so long. The night had been peaceful and the time with Mareke had righted me even more.

"I would not change a thing about our life together, Mareke," I said. "I owe you everything."

There was no response and as I listened closer, found that Mareke's breathing had evened out and she was fast asleep.

The ease with which she fell back into our routine, despite what I had done to her, brought a lump to my throat.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back to my chest, feeling sleep creep over me as well.

ooooOoooo

A month later, our lives felt as normal as they had in a long time. Part of me still feared that I would wake up, attacking Mareke once again, but that night never came.

As autumn rolled in, cool air clashing with the summer heat, there was a terrible thunderstorm one night.

Somehow Mareke slept through it, but I woke. As I laid there, I heard the pattering of two sets of little feet before the door opened slowly.

The twins went around the bed to stand on Mareke's side, but still she did not wake, despite the two sets of eyes peering at her.

"Boys," I whispered. "Come here."

Obediently, for the first time in their lives, they came to my side.

I hesitated as they stood, staring at me, frightened of the storm. They had not slept in our bed since I had returned from the Houses of Healing.

There was another loud clap of thunder, that had the boys shifting anxiously. "Papa?" Rilien looked to me.

I took a breath. "Alright. In you get." I lifted them into the middle of the bed one at a time and turned on my side to watch them burrow under our covers.

Thunder shook the window panes and the boys looked at me with identical wide eyes.

I reached out and laid an arm over both of them. "You are alright," I murmured. "You are safe here."

I hope you enjoyed it! I enjoyed it writing it and I'm hoping this jump starts some creativity on my end. Let me know what you think!

Happy reading,

Avonmora