The next week flew by. Hermione continued to shine in class but tried not to appear overzealous in order to camouflage her abilities. The second flying lesson had been less eventful and Hermione was slowly getting the stubborn school broom under control. She was still a long way from what Harry and Malfoy had shown last week, though.
Neville didn't seem to like broom flying very much and was making very slow progress. Hermione was looking forward to the weekend more and more, as she had received an invitation for private lessons from both Professor Snape and Professor Flitwick on Tuesday. Every night she returned to her mind library to organise her shelves, which were slowly but steadily filling up.
The Transfiguration shelf had grown enormously after the one-to-one lesson with Professor McGonagall and now resembled an entire wall of shelves. On Saturday, as she left the Great Hall after breakfast to go to her first one-to-one lesson with Professor Snape, she heard a snort behind her. She turned and caught sight of Malfoy and his two gorilla-like friends, Crabbe and Goyle, whom he treated like underlings.
"Look at the fine Miss Granger. Don't let her get too close to you," he said to his friends in a stretched voice. "Watch out, you might catch it," he added.
"Shut up!" she shouted at him, turning around.
"You have no fucking say in this place, you filthy, worthless mudblood!" snapped Malfoy after Hermione. She didn't know the word he used but could interpret the disdain with which he spat it out. "You and your filthy Muggle parents! You wouldn't even be hired by the Quibbler, even if you are oh-so-great at memorising the textbooks," he fired after her.
She could see the hatred in his eyes for a moment, then Malfoy blurred with her tears. She knew he was jealous. She knew she was miles ahead of him when it came to magic. But her old emotional wounds, which had slowly closed over the last two months, burst open in one fell swoop.
Wordlessly, Hermione turned and ran up the stairs. Malfoy sneered after her. Hermione ran into the nearest girls' toilet and slammed the door to her cabin. She was crying hard. All the memories of her earlier experiences with Debbie boiled up inside her. She didn't know why Malfoy's words had hit her so hard. She had never been bullied by anyone at Hogwarts before, which was why Malfoy had surprised her.
Hermione had not heard anything first-hand about wizards being hostile to Muggles until now. She had read about Lord Voldemort's countless Muggle murders but didn't know the background. It took her quite a while to collect herself. Sighing, she wiped the tears from her face, cooled her teary eyes as best she could with the cold water of the sink, and then made her way to the sixth floor, where Professor Snape had summoned her.
He was standing in front of the classroom where Professor McGonagall had already held her private lesson. When he saw her from a distance, he had a slightly annoyed look on his face.
"You're late!" he called out to her. As she came closer, his expression changed and he looked at her worriedly. "What's the matter, Miss Granger?" he asked. Apparently, he had noticed her red-rimmed eyes. Hermione shook her head and Professor Snape furrowed his brow. She affirmed that everything was fine and apologised for being late. Professor Snape still warily looked at her, but let her into the classroom and didn't ask any more questions.
"I understand you wish to take private lessons in Occlumency. Professor Dumbledore has tasked me with strengthening your mental barrier and testing your other skills," he said, causing the tables and chairs to slide towards the wall with a wave of his wand.
"Since you have already gained experience in Occlumency and a subconscious block, I will first try to spot your weak points. This may be uncomfortable for you, but I will try to keep it to a minimum," he elaborated, looking at her with his piercing black eyes. She nodded curtly.
"Please close your mind, I will try to access your memories with the Legilimens spell. Get ready!" he said and Hermione closed her eyes, determined to close her mind.
"Legilimens!" shouted Professor Snape and Hermione was swept into a maelstrom. She was sitting in the front row of a classroom. A blonde girl pulled her hair violently from behind, jerking Hermione's head back painfully. Immediately the scene changed. She was sitting on the swing in the playground in Fulham. Tears were streaming down her face. Cut, she was running away from the blonde girl but was caught up by her and kicked in the leg, causing her to stumble and fall to the ground. Cut. She was insulted by Malfoy in the Entrance Hall and ran away crying.
She landed backwards on the cold stone floor of the classroom. She could only see Professor Snape blurred through her eyes, which were once again filled with tears.
"Miss Granger, I ..." began Professor Snape, but his voice faltered. He struggled for words as Hermione scrambled to her feet and ran to the corner of the classroom, where she slid down the wall and buried her head in her drawn-up knees. Seeing it all again had finished her off. It had felt the same as when she actually experienced the situations.
She cried silently into her folded arms. She had already forgotten about Professor Snape. When she noticed a noise next to her ear, she raised her head. She wiped the tears from her eyes to make out something and looked into two black tunnels. Professor Snape had sat down on the floor next to her. He was about to say something, but Hermione dropped onto his leg, which he had folded to sit cross-legged, and wept into his cloak.
She didn't care that he was her teacher. She just wanted to feel physical closeness, from anyone. So they remained for a few minutes. Snape avoided touching her, though several times he felt the need to caress her head comfortingly. He himself knew exactly what she was feeling. Every time he taught the first-years, he was taken back in time at the sight of the Potter boy.
His appearance reminded him of his father, whom he had hated from the first second. But the feeling was mutual and he and his friends had never missed an opportunity to bully him and embarrass him in front of other students. And then there were his eyes. Her eyes. Like pinpricks, Lily's eyes bored straight into his heart when the boy looked at him.
As Hermione slowly calmed down and realised whose lap she had been crying in, her head shot up and blood rushed to her head. She looked up at Professor Snape's face, who was looking at her with a pained expression. She could see even the trace of a dried tear that must have run down his face.
"I'm sorry, Professor," she said in a choked voice, straightening up so that she was sitting against the wall again.
"I know how you feel, Miss Granger," Professor Snape said tonelessly, almost absently. Hermione looked at Snape, who was staring straight ahead with a blank expression.
"Professor?" asked Hermione timidly, taken aback by her usually cold teacher.
"Excuse me, Miss Granger. I think it would be better if we postponed the individual lesson," he said, standing up. She rose a little later and was about to say something, but Professor Snape had already disappeared through the door with his cloak billowing.
Hermione felt miserable. Not only had she thoughtlessly disturbed Professor Snape's privacy, but she had also revealed all the memories she had tried with all her might to hide from him. She went straight to her dormitory, ignoring Penelope Clearwater who called worriedly after her across the common room and threw herself into her bed.
She had made a mess of everything. Professor Snape would not give her any more private lessons, she was convinced of that. To escape her problems for a few hours, she put herself into a trance. When she woke up from it, it was dark in her room. She looked at the wall clock and realised it was already 7 pm.
"Great, no dinner tonight," she thought to herself and rubbed her stomach. She took out some chocolate frogs from her cupboard that she had leftover from Diagon Alley and devoured them hungrily. As she walked into the common room, Penelope Clearwater jumped up and came towards her.
"Look, Penelope, I don't want to talk about this," Hermione said before she could open her mouth.
"Okay, I understand that. But I'm supposed to give you this," she said, handing her a scroll of parchment. Hermione gave her a furrowed brow but saw curiosity in Penelope's eyes, which she tried to hide a moment too late.
"Thank you," Hermione said quietly and turned back around to return to her dormitory. Once there, she examined the scroll, which appeared to be magically sealed, for it was seamlessly enclosed. It reminded Hermione of the cardboard rolls that came in Muggle kitchen rolls.
There was no sender or recipient to be seen. Hermione looked at the roll for a moment, then an idea came to her. A brick came to mind, which she had tapped with her wand to confirm her identity. She drew the wand and tapped the parchment once. Immediately it unfolded and lines written in close handwriting gradually appeared.
Miss Granger,
I must apologise for my indelicate behaviour this morning. If you wish to complete the cancelled lesson, please come to my office after dinner.
Severus Snape
Hermione had to read the brief message a second time. She had firmly expected not to hear from Professor Snape again. She had even feared he would treat her like air from now on. Immediately she jumped up, pocketed her wand and ran out of the common room towards the dungeons, her hair blowing.
Hermione knocked on Professor Snape's door. A few moments later it opened a crack and one of Snape's black eyes peered through. He wordlessly opened the door and let her in. He offered her a dilapidated cloth armchair in which she sat down. It was very comfortable and she could understand why the professor left it as it was.
"Would you like something to drink or eat?" asked Snape, pointing to the small table in the corner where some sandwiches lay on a plate. "There's some left over from dinner," he added in response to Hermione's questioning look. Hermione nodded and Snape levitated the plate towards her.
"I owe you an apology, Miss Granger," Snape said as Hermione took a bite of a loaf of bread. Apparently he had been waiting for her mouth to be full so she couldn't immediately interrupt. "I shouldn't have stopped the lesson because of an emotional outburst. But I'm only human too," he said, looking her in the eye.
Hermione choked slightly, for she had assumed he had meant her emotions. "My duty as a teacher, and therefore as an educational figure, I should have done better, but that is why you are here now," he said.
"I shouldn't have violated your privacy, sir, it's my fault," Hermione said. Snape looked at her in wonder. "I touched you, cried into your robes. I just wanted to feel human contact," Hermione explained, but Snape waved it off.
"Mere trivialities. You had strong emotions triggered by the memories," Snape said and Hermione's heart lightened a little.
"I'll be honest with you, Miss Granger. I myself was so reminded of my own past by your memories that I shared your pain. I asked you here not only to practise Occlumency, but to come to terms with what has happened," Snape added.
Hermione continued to eat hungrily, but followed each of Professor Snape's words intently. "The teasing and bullying you have been subjected to may seem trivial to outsiders, however, I know the implications of such experiences. I know what you are going through and want to help you cope. I too had to deal with negative experiences and learn to wear them as armour. Only if you wish it, of course," Snape elaborated.
He looked at her with a pained expression. Hermione could tell it was taking a lot out of him to talk about this subject with a student he had only known for such a short time.
"Thank you so much, Professor," Hermione said quietly, letting the plate float back onto the table.
"How did you ..." asked Professor Snape, whose eyebrows had shot up. Hermione startled for a moment. She had moved the plate nonverbally and wandless without thinking. "So that's what Dumbledore meant," said Snape, looking as if he had had an epiphany.
"You are a horn of plenty of surprises, Miss Granger," he said appreciatively. "But first, back to the subject at hand," he said afterwards and stood up. "I cannot teach you how to deal with these memories from one moment to the next. Some experiences have to be made in order to grow from them. But how you deal with them is crucial. It is something I wish I had realised earlier in my life," Snape said, looking down at Hermione. She nodded and looked thoughtfully at the floor. After a while of silence, Hermione looked up at Snape.
"Professor, what does the word Mudblood mean?" she asked straightforwardly, and Professor Snape's expression darkened. He looked as if he had been expecting the question. He explained to her that some wizarding families felt superior to others because they called themselves pureblood. He explained to her the racism that half-bloods and Muggle-borns were subjected to by some wizards.
He told her that his father had also been a Muggle and of the difficult childhood he had experienced under his father, who had detested magic. He also told her that despite his affiliation with the Slytherin house, he had never been considered an equal by many purebloods.
"Rest assured that if I witness a student judging others for their blood, I will take action," he finished and Hermione swallowed once dryly. She had learned a lot about the man before her and appreciated that he shared his painful experiences to strengthen her.
"Thank you so much, Professor! For everything," she said and a tear rolled down her cheek. But she quickly wiped it away with her sleeve. She had shed enough tears today.
"You're welcome," Professor Snape said, and Hermione could tell that the talk had done him good too. "It's getting late, but if you'd like, we can practice some Occlumency," Professor Snape suggested, glancing at the wall clock behind Hermione. She nodded.
"Good. I've asked Professor Dumbledore to do something I should have done in advance," Snape said in response and went briefly around the corner of the office into another room. When he returned, he was holding a rectangular tray in his hands. "This is Professor Dumbledore's Pensieve. It can store and play back the memories of wizards," Professor Snape explained to the interested-looking Hermione.
He raised his wand to his head so that the tip touched his temple. He closed his eyes briefly and then used his wand to pull a shiny silvery thread out of his head, which he then dropped in. He repeated the procedure a few times and then explained to Hermione how it worked. It was possible to copy memories and pass them on, as well as remove them completely from the head and place them in the Pensieve.
However, it was not possible to simply remove them and throw them away, as Hermione had briefly hoped. Some memories she could well do without. He asked her to file all the memories she didn't want him to see into the Pensieve.
Since he had already seen most of the memories she would have liked to hide anyway, she only wanted to hide one from him. She closed her eyes, thinking of the moment the Elder had appeared to her through Lancelot. She pulled the memory from her skull and placed it in the Pensieve.
She felt safe now that she didn't have to worry about the professor seeing something she desperately needed to hide. He placed her in front of the armchair so that she would fall softly in case he invaded her mind again. Hermione smiled, for Professor Snape was really trying hard to complete the Occlumency lesson in a better way than the first attempt.
She cleared her mind of bad thoughts and nodded to Professor Snape. The latter counted to three and then called out "Legilimens!". Hermione tried with all her power to hold off the intruder in her mind, but when she relived one of her own memories a few moments later, she realised that he had found a weak spot.
"That was already very good for the first time," he said afterwards as Hermione rose again from the armchair she had fallen into.
"Actually, it was the second time, sir," Hermione said, but Snape motioned to her with a throwing away hand gesture that the first time didn't count. He explained to her how he had found the weak spot and they tried again. They repeated this a few times. Occasionally Professor Snape would ask something about the memories they had seen.
Hermione was quickly able to see the problems he had explained and prevent him from slipping through the holes he had mentioned. Eventually, she managed to fight him off. Her defence was so strong that Professor Snape's blockage manifested itself in her mind. She noticed a gap and pushed through without thinking.
She was standing in the Potions classroom where classes were being held. She recognised the hook-nosed boy with the black hair sitting next to a red-haired Gryffindor girl who was brewing a potion with him, the instructions for which were written on the blackboard at the front.
Next to the blackboard, a chubby teacher with a large moustache sat at the lectern. She estimated the students to be about 13 or 14 years old. The girl next to Snape poured a liquid into the cauldron, whereupon a cloud of white steam poured out of the cauldron, catching her straight in the face. When she looked up from the cauldron, her red hair was sticking out in all directions from her head and they were both laughing.
Something about the girl looked familiar to Hermione, but she didn't know what it was. She could interpret the looks the two of them kept furtively giving each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. Hermione smiled. Snape explained to the girl that she should have put the liquid in more slowly. He scribbled something in a book that lay open in front of him.
Then she had arrived back in the adult Professor Snape's office. This time it was she who had remained standing and Snape struggled up from the couch. He looked a little grim but praised her for defending herself. Hermione asked him if she had gone too far, but Professor Snape shook his head.
"It won't hurt if I learn something from your one-to-one lessons too," he said and Hermione grinned at him. The question of who the girl had been was on the tip of her tongue, but she withheld it in the sight of the somewhat rattled-looking professor in front of her.
"I think this is a good time to end the lesson. Take to heart what I explained to you in terms of closing the gaps in your mental barrier. Next time it will be more difficult. This time you still had the advantage of knowing you were being attacked," Snape explained to her.
Hermione wondered how he was going to manage to attack her next time without her being prepared. After all, she knew when she was coming for private lessons with him. He gave her homework until her next lesson to maintain the barrier in everyday life in its current strength, first consciously, until it then worked subconsciously. She nodded and thanked him again, also for the dinner.
"You're welcome," Snape said, then sent her off to Ravenclaw Tower before the students' curfew. That night, Hermione was able to recover well from the mental exertions of the day, thanks to a trance. In her library, she had found a lot of new books on the Occlumency shelf, which she immediately sorted into the right places.
When she woke up on Sunday, she felt better. She resolved to always work on her barrier and also to develop a thicker skin when it came to bullying from classmates. After breakfast, she had her first lesson with Professor Flitwick, who kindly let her into the classroom in a squeaky voice.
"Minerva has told me a lot of incredible things about your abilities, my dear!" he said, beaming and closing the door behind her. "But now I would like you to show me one of your most ..." he said, but the last words of his sentence could no longer be heard. Only his lips had moved and formed the words 'advanced charms'.
He looked at her puzzled for a moment, then burst into silent laughter, holding his stomach. Abruptly, his squeaky laughter resumed as Hermione lifted the Silencio Charm with another wave of her hand. When Professor Flitwick had regained his composure, he raised his index finger playfully in admonishment.
"Well, that was impressive, if a little naughty," Flitwick chortled, and Hermione blushed. But she could tell from the little professor's warm expression that she had nothing to worry about. The lesson was similar to the one with Professor McGonagall. Professor Flitwick occasionally corrected little details in the execution of her spells so that they became even more precise and effective. She was able to apply many of the hints to other spells as well so that it became easier and easier for her to cast spells that the professor could not find fault with. He also concentrated strongly on making her spells more effective without focus.
Hermione spent the rest of Sunday writing a long letter to her parents about Hogwarts and her first two weeks at school. Of course, she only wrote in general about Hogwarts and the positive experiences she had so far so that her parents understood that she was doing well. When she had finished, she called Lancelot to her window. After a while he came fluttering in, crowing.
"Your first job as a postman," Hermione said, giggling as the raven puffed up his chest and held out his right foot for Hermione to tie the letter to. "Be careful and take enough breaks, will you? And don't eat my parents out of house and home, you hear?" said Hermione, a little worried. Deep down, however, she trusted her winged companion. She stroked him once on the back before he dropped backwards out of the window and the next moment was gliding over the castle grounds towards the south.
Meanwhile, Professors McGonagall, Snape, and Flitwick gathered in front of the gargoyle of the Headmaster's Tower. They walked together to Dumbledore's office and waited until the door opened. The three entered and Professor McGonagall summoned three upright chairs for the teachers. Professor Snape looked at them somewhat disapprovingly, disliking sitting in such hard chairs.
"Welcome!" said Dumbledore from his place behind the desk and summoned four glasses of wine for his colleagues and himself, three red and one white for Professor Flitwick. They thanked him and took a sip before Dumbledore opened the meeting. "Well, I think we can all claim to have had some new experiences since last Saturday," he said, smiling over his half-moon glasses as he looked at the three teachers.
"I have, of course, called you here to discuss the first individual lessons. Who would like to begin?"
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and a smile played briefly across her lips as she first chided Dumbledore for being so understated about Hermione's abilities. She reported on the lesson, leaving out the fact that she had given Hermione points against her own rule.
Next, it was Professor Flitwick's turn, who caused laughter with his story of the Silencio Charm. Even Snape let himself be carried away into a grin. When he had finished his report, Professor Snape spoke. He reported on his initially failed attempt, taking the blame. He left out the emotional part, which he had gone through himself, but mentioned that Hermione had been insulted for her origins.
"You have to do something, Severus! The boy is in your house!" shouted McGonagall indignantly, addressing Snape, who looked her coolly in the eye.
"Minerva, you know as well as I do that extra work and point deductions are but a drop in the ocean of an ideology that has grown for centuries. However, I agree with you about punishment if I witness such behaviour. Just as you would. However, I would like to prevent Miss Granger from being labelled a snitch, which could make her situation worse," Snape replied coolly.
"The mudblood has been insulted? Laughable! One is still allowed to express one's opinion!" resounded from above. Wordlessly, Dumbledore drew his wand and let it whip through the air beside his head, whereupon Phineas Nigellus was thrown out of his portrait.
"Proceed, Severus," Dumbledore said calmly, placing the wand on the desk in front of him. Snape didn't let it show and continued, changing the story so that there was no mention of the conversation with Hermione regarding his past. After he had finished speaking, the three teachers looked up at the Headmaster expectantly.
"Well, I think Filius should have a Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson next weekend. How is your dueling arm?" he asked Professor Flitwick, who smiled knowingly and nodded. "Minerva, I think it's all right to give Miss Granger a week's break in Transfiguration. It seems to be her best subject by far," he said, unable to hide a certain pride. Professor McGonagall nodded with her lips pressed together. She looked slightly disappointed.
"Severus, you too will be assigned elsewhere. Whenever you encounter Miss Granger in the next week, you are free to test her mental barrier. But please do not overdo it. A quick glance will suffice," Dumbledore said, addressing Professor Snape, who nodded.
"Will you be teaching her next week, Albus?" asked Flitwick with interest.
"Indeed I will, Filius," he said with a mysterious smile. The teachers understood that the headmaster did not want his cards to be read. After some further conversation about the welcome change of such a gifted student, the teachers prepared to return to their own quarters.
"Severus, may I have a word, please," Dumbledore said as they rose. McGonagall and Flitwick exchanged brief glances before bidding them both farewell. When the two professors had left the office, Dumbledore stood up.
"There is something I would like to show you," Dumbledore said, taking the Pensieve out of the cupboard.