Differences

A little later, the girls entered the Great Hall of Hogwarts, and as always, Parvati's eyes went in search of two particular persons. Severus Snape was not yet in his seat, but her sister Padma was already sitting at the Ravenclaw table, in the midst of her friends. She lifted her head, as Parvati passed her, and winked briefly at her sister before going back into conversation with the blonde Lisa beside her.

The long Gryffindor table was not yet very full. Parvati and Lavender found a seat with the rest of their class. Ginny, Ron Weasley's younger sister, sat next to Harry and glared angrily at Parvati. She's probably still upset about this midday, Parvati thought, shrugging inwardly. "Where is the food actually?" she muttered to Lavender. Her stomach was already growling like crazy.

"God, how can you think of food now?" asked Lavender, giving her friend a look as if she had lost her marbles.

As if it was about to answer, the table covered itself at that very moment with a variety of bowls and platters, from which there was a tempting smell. "You really have to ask?" Parvati tapped her forehead meaningfully and loaded her plate full of lamb chops, parsley potatoes and green beans. "Ohh, delicious!" she moaned when she had the first bite in her mouth and rolled her eyes with pleasure.

Lavender took a morsel from each bowl, which might have fed a birdie, and then listlessly sank her fork into a potato. "I can't eat a thing," she complained, and Parvati knew exactly what her line was now. And she was tired of it, suddenly so sick and tired!

"Yeah, and later you go to the kitchen again and scrounge from the house elves because you're on the verge of starvation!" she snapped.

"What's wrong with you now?" asked Lavender in an offended voice. "You've still got Severus' bollocking in your bones, haven't you? Do you have to let it spoil your mood like that?"

Parvati gave her friend an incredulous look; then she gritted her teeth. It was typical of Lavender to twist things to suit herself. Without me, you wouldn't even have survived the lesson! she thought angrily, but thought it better not to answer. The last thing she needed was a quarrel of the "bosom buddies", as they were called by everyone, in front of the whole class.

So she gave no answer and stared in another direction, quite by chance at the High Table, where the teachers sat. Snape still hadn't shown up, but it wasn't unusual for him to forego dinner among the teaching staff. Her eyes wandered to Padma, who was sitting with her back to her, chatting unchanged with Lisa.

Parvati suddenly felt a terrible longing for her. The many warm evenings they had spent together on the small terrace of her parents' house during the holidays, while the crickets chirped and the stars shone above them, had not passed her by without leaving a trace. Parvati had never had such conversations with anyone as she had recently with her sister, not even with Lavender, whom she could actually confide everything in. But Padma was somehow much more … mature. For years they hadn't been as close as they had been this summer. Almost like before.

But now school had started again and they had to go back to their different houses. It was a bit like saying goodbye every year, but this time it really hurt; for the first time in a long while, Parvati wondered with a faint sense of bitterness, what that stupid Sorting Hat was thinking, tearing twin siblings apart!

For both of them, a world had collapsed five years ago, when the hat on Parvati's head blared out "Gryffindor" loudly into the hall, after he couldn't decide for half an eternity where she belonged. Padma was already sitting at the Ravenclaw table, and both of them could not have imagined anything else than to belong to the clever, proud Ravenclaws together in the very next moment.

She would never forget those first dark weeks when everything seemed grey and pointless, the many meetings with Padma in the Great Hall or in the evenings in some draughty corridor or toilet, where they both shed desperate tears over this injustice. They had even gone to Professor Dumbledore and begged him to let them live together in a house, no matter in which one, and their parents also pulled out all the stops for them. But nothing had been of any use—the decision of this old ragged piece of felt was supposedly sacrosanct. They were simply too different to be assigned to a house together.

And so it happened what had to happen. Time passed, Padma quickly found friends in her house, and after Parvati had halfway overcome her grief over this, she stopped rejecting Lavender's persistent advances and became friends with her. Meetings with Padma became less frequent, and over the years they grew away from each other. Their intimate relationship from former days was irretrievably gone, and that Parvati would never forgive this hat. Not even Lavender could understand what it was like to lose one's twin.

"Hello! Earth to Parvati!" her thoughts were interrupted by Ron.

Parvati winced. "What?" she asked absent-mindedly.

"I wondered if you've started the essay yet?" Ron said, cocking his head.

What's that supposed to be now? she thought confused and returned, "Why don't you ask Hermione?" Only now did she notice that Hermione and Lavender had already left. Without telling her?

"She wants us to do it ourselves," Ron said, putting on a puppy dog look she had never seen on him before.

"Well, that's what you'll have to do then," Parvati said. "I've only got three sets myself." With that she got up and made her way upstairs as well. Lavender really had to be offended!

"Lavender, don't you want to tell me what's wrong with you?" Hermione asked helplessly, stroking her friend's hair gently. Actually, she had wanted to go straight to the common room to finish her essay but Lavender had put a spoke in her wheel; as soon as the door had closed behind them, she had burst into tears and thrown herself face down on her bed.

She just couldn't hold it back any longer, all that had built up inside her over the day, and sobbed so hard that she could barely speak. But what would she have wanted to tell Hermione? She was already so suspicious anyway.

Hermione dug out another tissue and held it out to Lavender. "Is it because of Snape?" she asked perceptively, and Lavender flinched violently. Clever girl! she thought. But it's not like you think! "Y-yes," she stammered, blowing her nose noisily. "He's never been as nasty as he was today," she whispered, sitting up. "I don't know if I can take another two years of this."

"I've been wondering all along how you managed to stay in his class anyway!" wondered Hermione. "Yet he actually only accepts students with a very good OWL in Potions. It goes without saying that he therefore particularly keeps an eye on you. He was just waiting for your first potion to go wrong."

Her tone was now getting way too teacher-like for Lavender's taste and so she just shrugged gruffly. "Oh, something always goes wrong." But immediately new tears sprang from her eyes, the mascara ran in black rivulets down her cheeks.

"Then, frankly, I don't understand why you're so keen to continue Potions!" said Hermione, shaking her head.

Lavender raised her head. "Because it's needed as an admission requirement for the Healer-education!" she replied without skipping a beat. "And for many other professions too. You know that!"

She had been prepared for this question, of course, when she had asked her parents to talk to Dumbledore. As yet she still had no clue how they had managed to convince him and then Snape to let her into the course despite her mediocre OWL grade. There were many students besides her who were equally dependent on a degree in this important subject, but usually the rules were strictly adhered to.

"How did you actually convince Snape?" Hermione asked right in that moment. "You know, anyone could say that … almost half the class wants to become an Auror!"

Lavender lowered her head and made no reply. Blimey, her entire chest area was burning like fire, and she was supposed to justify herself to Hermione about things like career aspirations! At this moment, she actually couldn't care less about what she would do in the future. The real reason why she wanted to be in Snape's course was only between her and Parvati, her best friend, who had been kind of funny since the holidays …

"And what I don't understand either …" Hermione began again, but luckily at that moment the door flew open and Parvati came rushing in. "Why didn't you wait!" she blurted out immediately.

Hermione quickly stood up, grabbed her books and pushed past Parvati saying, "Patil, take over!"

Parvati stood in the doorway, as stiff as a poker. So that's what you get when you neglect Lavender for one afternoon. Oh god, she just didn't have the nerve for that now.

But then she sat down next to her friend and put an arm around her. "That bad?" she asked quietly.

Lavender nodded with her face contorted from crying. "Much worse! I think it was a mistake to want to be in his class so badly!" she burst out. "He's going to make my life hell for the whole year! But … I just like him so much!"

"I know," Parvati nodded and stroked Lavender's back, relieved that she no longer resented her because of what she said in the Great Hall. "And that's why you just have to show him what you're made of!"

Lavender turned to Parvati and joylessly pulled up the corners of her mouth. "Without having any tact?" she said sarcastically and immediately began to sob heavily. Parvati cast a help-seeking glance at the ceiling. This remark her friend had probably taken to heart the most, which she could well understand. Who liked to be made out to be indelicate, especially by the man of her dreams?

"Lavender, he has absolutely no idea!" she tried to reassure her friend. "If anyone of us is imaginative and sensitive, it's you. He doesn't even know those words! Don't let it all get to you!"

Lavender raised her head and stared at Parvati from red-rimmed eyes. "Would you perhaps not be insulted if Severus called you a coward?" she asked quietly, her voice faltering. "And if he used your star sign, which you yourself totally care about, to do it?"

"He certainly doesn't know about that," Parvati tried to calm her down. "And how would he even know your birthday?"

"What if he does?" persisted Lavender. "Sometimes I wonder what this person doesn't actually know!"

Parvati nodded. She had often asked herself the same question when Severus' inscrutable eyes pierced her. He probably even enjoyed the fact that she was a little pleased at first, she thought.

"And then warts, on top of all!" Lavender spluttered. "It's so—unaesthetic, so hideous, so—" She found no more words to match her feelings and threw herself into Parvati's arms as a new crying fit overwhelmed her.

Parvati made another eye-contact with the ceiling, but it couldn't help her either. When Lavender was in such a desperate mood, Parvati sometimes struggled to find the right words. Helplessly, she finally handed her friend a tissue. Lavender mechanically wiped her eyes—her make-up had completely disappeared by now—and blew her nose.

"Maybe you should just try to see this lesson as an unpleasant experience and forget it," Parvati suggested. "It can't get any worse. And maybe it will work out next time …"

"But I really can't do it!" Lavender muttered in a trembling voice. "And I'm trying so hard. Maybe I'm just another squib with too clumsy hand movements!"

"Oh, stop it now!" cried Parvati, almost mad. "You can do magic! And you can make potions, too. Your problem is lack of concentration, you know that? It's hard for you to focus your thoughts properly!"

"And that thing about the qualities," sniffed Lavender, who hadn't been listening at all. "My God, that was so embarrassing! What does he think of me! That I would first sneak into his course and then try to get away with it by such means? How stupid does he think I am?"

"He only said that to give the little Slytherin rats something to laugh about!" objected Parvati. But secretly, she believed that was exactly what Snape was thinking. He had surely gone berserk when Dumbledore forced him to admit Lavender. Because he would never do such a thing voluntarily, certainly not for a Gryffindor. She wished Lavender had told her about her insane plan sooner, instead of putting her parents on Dumbledore first. She would probably have been the only one who could have talked her out of it.

"No, he really thinks I'm stupid," Lavender said dejectedly. "Brazen and stupid, that's what he said, right?"

"So what?" Parvati shook her friend by the arm. "Helloo …! To Snape we're all brazen and stupid, does that have to appear in the Daily Prophet for you to believe it? So just don't take anything he says literally! For God's sake, calm down!"

Lavender moved a little away from Parvati and her eyes narrowed. "You never used to be so impatient," she observed. "You of all people should have some understanding for me!"

"But I have" Parvati said soothingly. "I just have come to realise that there are other things in this world than Severus Snape after all. I mean, what can he give us? What do we get out of his destructive outbursts?"

"What do you mean—what can he give us?" Lavender asked blankly. "You didn't care about that before either!"

"But I do now! I think we should spend more time with the people around us, Lavender!"

"With I-know-it-all-Hermione?" Lavender asked, pulling up one corner of her mouth in a sneer.

"Why not, actually? She's okay. Besides, we have sixteen boys in our class, at least two of whom are quite cute …"

Lavender shot up bolt upright. "Tell me!"

"Only in theory," Parvati fended off. "Harry and Seamus …?"

Lavender rolled her eyes. "Baby faces," she commented, "and you can forget about the rest, too, even the seven-years!"

"Because you're only fixated on Snape!"

"Now you're calling him Snape? Come on, that's so ridiculous!" Lavender exclaimed.

"Fine, if you prefer, you're fixated on Severus then!" retorted Parvati irritated.

"He's not such a milk face after all, but a man!" Lavender's eyes assumed that rapturous expression again, Parvati knew so well. Apparently, her friend never got enough.

"Snape is a pathetic wretch!" Parvati countered. "That's not what I mean by man!"

"Is that a fact?" Lavender said sourly. "Well, you can only judge that in theory, right?"

With that she was alluding to the values Parvati and Padma had been brought up by. Their father was from India, their mother from Turkey, and they had not directly forbidden the sisters to have sex before marriage, but taught them to take their time in choosing a partner and not give away their most precious thing thoughtlessly. Until now, Parvati had never had a problem with that. Her feelings for Snape had never gone beyond abstract passion, and nobody else in her field of vision had ever interested her. She found it all the more annoying that her friend now wanted to pick on this supposed weak point, even though she herself couldn't show any experience in the field neither.

"Exactly!" Parvati replied coolly. "And it can stay that way for now. Because I wanted to focus a bit more on school!"

Lavender's jaw literally dropped. Her tears had now dried up completely. "Are you sick?" she asked in disbelief, feeling Parvati's forehead.

Parvati shook off her hand unwillingly. "This is not a playground, Lavender! Unfortunately not," she added to take the edge off her words. "We'll be done here in two years, and they go by fast. It simply makes sense to start thinking about a career and preparing for it now, doesn't it?"

"And what would Miss Patil like to do in the future?" Lavender said with a smug grin, but immediately continued talking, "Did the Ravenclaws brainwash you, or what's going on?"

"Haha, very funny!"

"No, seriously! Say, do you imagine there's still room for you in the exquisite circle around your sister?"

"Why not?" Parvati shot back. She stood up and began rummaging around busily in her bag, so Lavender couldn't see her face. "I'll go to the common room then," she announced in a low, controlled voice. "Doing something for SCHOOL!"

She slammed the door so loudly behind her that it shook on its hinges, and she wouldn't have minded jinxing it right away so Lavender couldn't get out, just to demonstrate her superiority.

"No, Ron, I still haven't got more than three sentences!" she snarled at the redhead, who was just opening his mouth as she entered the common room. Ron closed his mouth shut again and sank back into his chair, aghast.

Parvati smacked her books on a table and sat down with her back to the others. She was hot with rage. If anyone would be wrong in Ravenclaw, it would be Lavender! she thought, looking for the right page in the book. Why does she always have to get me down, when she feels bad! And why is it such a drama for her, whenever I worry about things other than Severus … Snape! she corrected herself. Just Snape for me, please. This crap has got to stop!

Determined, Parvati dipped her quill into the inkpot, and after half an hour she had at least committed two more sentences to parchment.

Lavender stared thunderstruck at the door, through which Parvati rushed off. "I don't believe it," she whispered in disbelief. "Was that just Parvati?"

And again she collapsed on the bed crying. What has happened to her? What am I going to do now?, she thought desperately. And she really does call him Snape! Our Severus!

For a long time, Lavender hadn't felt as alone as she did now. Actually, Parvati had always been there for her and that was for all situations in life: Whether she was in trouble or wanted to laugh; whether she was in the mood for crazy topics of conversation or felt like playing "Severus"; her friend had always understood her and shared everything with her. Really everything, even the feelings for their teacher. And that should be over now?

Lavender still couldn't believe what her friend had been uttering a moment ago. Do something for school! Spend more time with the people around them! And forget about Severus?! She must be completely mutated! And that is surely because of her sister, she thought begrudgingly.

The "circle" consisting of Padma Patil, Lisa Turpin and Mandy Brocklehurst had been a thorn in her side for a long time, and for Parvati it had hardly been different. Lavender suspected that the separation from her sister five years ago was still gnawing at her and that she was jealous of everything that moved around Padma.

Still, she should be glad that she didn't end up with those conceited Ravenclaws! Parvati had told her last year that the three girls had formed something like an education circle. They studied together, read the newspaper every day, and for once a week they had even set up a kind of seminar where each took turns giving a little talk on a particular subject. Parvati had shot her mouth off about it, and Lavender was glad that her friend didn't pester her with such wacky topics as politics, economics and careers. That would all come soon enough.

And now? The summer holidays this year had probably been enough to spark Parvati's ambition. Padma had certainly, as every year, received an outstanding report, next to which poor Parvati could only pack hers up and leave. And this sister was also perfect in all other respects: popular among her classmates, pretty, interested in many things—she even had real hobbies—and attracted the house points like a magnet. Needless to say, she was a prefect.

Parvati never talked about it, but Lavender could imagine that having such a gifted twin put a lot of pressure on her. Still, she had always gone her own way. She was not a person who was easily guided—at least not until now. Was it Padma's influence or did it come from herself, this abnormal desire to grow up and forget Severus?

"Whatever," Lavender muttered to herself. "So, I have him all to myself!"

She rose with a sigh and made her way to the bathroom. A shower would do her good and take her mind off. Lavender closed her eyes, and as the water ran tingly over her shoulders, she thought of Severus and how his exciting voice had stirred her insides today. If only he were a little nicer, she thought with a sigh, and again a hot shudder overcame her at the thought of his nasty remarks and how he had probably been silently amused by the sight of their wart-speckled faces.

And what was that about the Leo? Does he know how much that hurt me? Ah, Severus … why do you actually need this?

It was clear to Lavender that this person was deeply unhappy and simply couldn't help taking out his frustrations on weaker people. Therefore, she forgave him everything as soon as she had calmed down after one of his verbal attacks or other nasty actions. And the fact that she, of all people, was his favourite victim could certainly be interpreted positively …

The detention with Severus came back to her mind. Tomorrow night, she would be alone with him, with his beautiful eyes, his scent, and his voice that made her heart sing no matter what nasty things he said. A shiver ran down her spine, and Lavender realised that the queasy feeling in her belly was clearly anticipation.

After all he did today, she thought, shaking her head at herself with a grin. I must really like him!