Babies, Birds, and Delgado Family Disputes, Part One

Disclaimer: Same as before.

Author's Note: The characters of Brittany, Quinn, and Daria were created by Red Witch.

The Pit, Medical Center
Psyche-Out, Beach Head, Scarlett, Roadblock
19 February 2002, 1315

Psyche-Out would find Roadblock sipping coffee with Beach Head and Scarlett.

"Okay, I think he's figured it out by now." Psyche-Out sighed, "With three hours of work between the two of us to drill that into him."

"I'm sorry I made all those dents in your wall." Roadblock said.

"With your head." Beach Head quipped, "You've got to have a skull as hard as concrete to want to raise that boy."

"Beach Head!" Scarlett admonished.

"The kid drives me crazy sometimes." Roadblock replied.

"Well," Psyche-Out replied, "At least you stopped banging your head before you got a concussion."

"Only because you made me leave the room," Roadblock replied, "Why would he do something like that?"

"I think the boy uses stealing to cover up some emotional issues." Psyche-Out replied.

"I think the kid's nuts." Beach Head snapped.

"Beach Head!" Scarlett admonished, "I wouldn't call him that. What did he do anyway?"

"He stole 5000 batteries from all around the base for me." Roadblock said.

"Oh-kay, I think I'll call that a little odd." Scarlett replied.

"I've come to the conclusion," Roadblock said with a sigh, "That the boy has a bit of confusion."

"Well," Psyche-Out added, "It's obvious the boy's got a problem with stealing. In fact he probably has some form of kleptomania."

"PROBABLY has kleptomania?" Roadblock said.

"He's nuts!" Beach Head declared.

"Todd is not nuts." Psyche-Out stated.

"I mean you, Spaced-Out!" Beach Head snapped, "You counseling that little lunatic? What a laugh! It's like the Mad Hatter counseling Screwy the Screwloose Loon!"

"So where's the kid?" Roadblock said, "You didn't leave him in your office did you?"

"He'll probably steal the light bulbs next." Beach Head quipped.

"No, I thought you might want a break from the kid for a few hours so Shipwreck said he'd…" Psyche Out began.

"Shipwreck?" Roadblock exclaimed, "You left him alone with SHIPWRECK!"

"The Napoleon of Nuts if there ever was one!" Beach Head replied.

"I hope Althea's there," Scarlett replied, "She's the only sane one in the family."

"And believe me that's a frightening statement." Beach Head replied.

"Well I suppose it couldn't hurt if I left him there for an hour," Roadblock replied, "I mean how much damage could he do there? Don't answer that."

"Agents Hart and Todd are with him as well." Psyche-Out said, walking out of the room, "And we can have a talk later about his progress."

"Where are you going?" Beach Head asked.

"I've got to go buy some batteries. You never know when disaster will strike." Psyche-Out replied.

Roadblock sat there. "Maybe I'll pick him up in two hours."

Agent Phillips,

I'll clarify my last few reports with a single sentence. Yes it's all true. I can't possibly make any of this up.

From what I've observed Roadblock is making progress with the kid minus a few setbacks. Of most recent vintage involving the theft of 5000 batteries from all around the base. The base psychologist, Psyche-Out, is doing his best and actually both myself and Agent Todd are going to have a chat with him.

Of late I observe Agent Todd is an entirely trustworthy individual. She seems genuinely ok with working with us regarding the Tolansky Case. I have no misgivings about her whatsoever.

Agent Hart

The Pit, Delgado Residence
Shipwreck, Todd, Kate, and Conrad
19 February 2002, 1317

Todd felt the wind rush through his hair as the Army jeep drove down the road, happily he said, "It's real nice of you to let me come over."

"Well you and my daughter have been friends for a while now," Shipwreck replied as he drove.

Conrad leaned over to whisper something in Kate's ear, "I think this is a good development for the kid."

"It's only natural she should have you over." Shipwreck continued, "Can't think of why she hasn't invited you over before. Ah, here we are."

They pulled into a cul-de-sac where a medium sized gray building with a boat on cinderblocks on the front lawn stood sentinel as the only house in the cul-de-sac.

"It's not fancy but it's home sweet home." Shipwreck said as he parked the jeep.

Looks normal enough, minus the boat. Kate thought as they stepped out of the vehicle and towards the house.

"Welcome to Casa Delgado!" Shipwreck said and flung the door open.

As soon as Shipwreck opened the door he was tackled in the face by a green plumed parrot with a yellow plumed head.

Ok, the parrot's a little weird but…Kate thought.

"AWWWWKKK! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? POLLY WANTS A PSYCHIATRIST!"

Shipwreck spit out a mouthful of green and yellow feathers before commenting, "Calm down birdbrain, I was only gone for fifteen minutes!"

Ok. Parrots are known to talk, but I've never heard of one demanding a psychiatrist before. Kate thought.

"What did they do this time? Are they playing with explosives again?" Shipwreck asked.

"Wait, did you just say explosives? And who is he talking about?" Kate yelped with surprise.

"Worse!" the bird called out, flapping around the room in circles, "MAKEUP!"

With a sigh Shipwreck said, "Don't mind Polly. He has a nervous condition."

"How do you think I got it!? Oh, I know, by living in this nuthouse!" Polly said as he flapped around the room.

"How does a male parrot have a female name?" Conrad asked.

"Forget the gender mix up," Kate replied, "I'm wondering what Shipwreck's talking about for one…"

"That bird can talk? Cool!" Todd commented.

"Polly is a very smart bird." Shipwreck replied.

"If Polly was really smart, Polly would've joined the circus! It's quieter!" Polly screeched as he flapped around.

As they walked past the foyer and into the living room, which, like every other room in the house was decorated with a cheerful nautical motif Kate noticed a large bell mounted to the nearest wall.

Shipwreck went to ring the bell and shouted, "GIRLS GET IN HERE! WE HAVE A GUEST!"

Three nearly identical looking ten year old girls walked into the room just then, clad in identical pink tops and blue skirts. They had long black hair and blue eyes and minus their hairstyles they couldn't be told apart.

"I'm Daria," the triplet with the ponytail on the right said.

"I'm Quinn," the triplet with the ponytail on the left said.

"I'm Brittany," the third triplet with pigtails said.

"This is Todd," Shipwreck replied, and then indicated the two agents with him, "And this is Agent Hart and Agent Todd, all three of whom you've heard all about."

Then, with a raised eyebrow Shipwreck turned to the girls, who giggled, "Ok, that's enough. Now what did you do to Polly this time? You better not have been using him in one of your experiments again."

"We were just playing house," Quinn said innocently.

Ok, they seem normal enough. Kate thought as she looked at the three girls.

"Oh Lord that's even worse." Shipwreck replied, rolling his eyes.

He turned to Conrad, Kate, and Todd and said, "The girls are very smart, but they tend to be a bit hyper at times."

Shipwreck paused for a moment before saying, "Wait a minute! What about your brother?"

"We put him down for his nap." Brittany said.

Why does the way she said that make me nervous? Kate thought.

"And no, we didn't use duct tape. We could never do that to our brother." Brittany added.

"You used it on your last babysitter." Shipwreck countered.

"That was completely justified and you know it." Quinn replied.

"It was Beach Head after all." Brittany added.

Conrad chuckled only for Kate to elbow him in the ribs, fixing him with a glare.

"What, I happen to find it funny that these three girls used duct tape on Beach Head." Conrad replied.

"Oh God you're going native..." Kate replied.

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck conceded to his daughters' point.

"Nice parenting." Kate remarked.

"Look, I'm going to try to give Polly some Valium so he gets off the ceiling." Shipwreck said as he grabbed a broom from a nearby closet, before turning to the girls, "Why don't you show Todd your room, and be nice about it. I mean it."

"AWK! Polly want a psychiatrist! Forget it! Polly want some grain alcohol!" Polly said as he clung to the ceiling.

"Well," Conrad said, "We can either watch Shipwreck try to talk a severely disturbed parrot off the ceiling or venture off into the dark and frightening unknown."

"Dark and frightening unknown?" Kate commented.

"The Triplets' room." Conrad said, "The bedroom of three of preteen girls has got to be a dark and frightening unknown."

"Conrad," Kate laughed, "They're three preteen girls. How dangerous could their room possibly be?"

"I gather from your response, mademoiselle, we are about to find out." Conrad replied, "And between the two of us my inner alarms are screeching louder than our fine green and evidently alcoholic friend on the ceiling..."

"Come. On. Bird." Shipwreck said as he stood up on one of the arms the couch on his toes, holding the broom, trying to get the bird clinging to the ceiling down.

"Conrad, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about..." Kate replied as she headed up the stairs, Conrad on her heels.

"Well, mademoiselle," Conrad replied, "My gut instinct is telling me there is a lot to worry about."

"Conrad, this isn't Africa and the French Foreign Legion." Kate replied as she opened the door to the Triplet's room, "I'm sure there's nothing..."

"AGGGHHH!" came a scream as Todd hopped out of the room, narrowly avoiding a collision with Kate, baby Claudius in his arms and heading for the staircase.

Conrad smirked as Kate threw herself to the floor to duck just as Todd hopped over her. "Come back here with our dolly!" the Triplets shouted and Kate barely managed to roll out of the way as the Triplets chased Todd down the stairs.

"What just happened!?" Kate said as Conrad helped her stand back up.

"It appears that Todd was carrying baby Claudius dressed up in a pink frilly dress and what looked like bows in his hair." Conrad replied.

"I saw that!" Kate snapped, "I'm just trying to figure out what caused that?"

Kate heard the sounds of the triplets chasing Todd through the house downstairs. "Something tells me that we'll never know, but we're also heading right into a fair amount of zaniness." Conrad quipped.

To Be Continued...