We Three Generals, Part One
Disclaimer: Same as before. The character of Rachel 'Rachet' Phillips is a product of my good friend Deric Storm's imagination (his penname is NoLeafClover).
Red Witch is the creator of Major General Bragg and General Whithalf. Lieutenant General Flagg is a G.I. Joe canon character who appeared in early comic and cartoon incarnations of G.I. Joe.
The Pit, Officer's Quarters
Kate Todd and Conrad Hart
27 February 2002, 0715
"Combien sont tombés au hasard d'un clair matin. De nos camarades qui souriaient au destin. Nous tomberons en route, nous tomberons ou vaincrons au combat. Foulant la boue sombre, vont les képis blancs."
The somber tone had caught Kate's attention as she walked past the ajar door of Conrad's bedroom to let him know breakfast was ready.
Kate knocked on the doorframe and Conrad stopped singing and headed for the door.
"Sorry to interrupt your one man concert, but breakfast is ready," Kate replied.
"Thank you," Conrad replied as he followed her back to their kitchen and dining room in the small apartment.
"You're welcome," Kate said with a small smile, "Personally I'm grateful that the fire department sirens woke us up earlier to tell us about BA's latest experiment in breakfast cooking going up in smoke."
"And not an insignificant amount of flame too," Conrad countered as he headed for the coffee maker and poured himself and Kate a cup of coffee apiece.
"What was that song you were singing?" Kate asked, as Conrad set the cups of coffee onto the breakfast table.
"Kepi Blanc. It's yet another Legion tune," Conrad replied.
Kate raised an eyebrow, "I know a kepi is some kind of hat and blanc means white."
"You're right," Conrad replied, "The kepi blanc is the white cap worn on formal parades by the Legion."
I'm gonna be a walking expert on the French Foreign Legion after hanging around this guy, Kate thought to herself.
"It's like an icon for the Legion?" Kate replied.
"Very much so," Conrad replied, "You can see that in refrain of the song which translates roughly as, 'Pacing the sombre mud, go the White Kepis'."
"How does the rest of that verse you sang translate?" Kate asked.
Conrad replied, "How many have fallen at random on a bright morning? Of our comrades who laughed at fate. We too will fall by the wayside, we will fall or conquer in battle. Pacing the sombre mud, go the White Kepis."
"Sounds kind of grim when you look at it," Kate replied with a slight shudder. She could hear the slight tremble in Conrad's voice as he translated the words."
"Most Legion songs tend to be," Conrad replied, the tremble in his voice gone, "In fact as we were learning the songs we noticed the common theme of defeat and death running through them, denoting the losses suffered by the Legion in war."
"As well as France's dismal fighting record since the days of Napoleon," Kate replied, taking a quick glance at her PDA to remind herself of when Agent Baer and his part were supposed to turn up..
"This is true," Conrad replied, taking a sip of his own coffee, "But it was more France's political establishment that lost those wars, their military is still quite formidable."
"Why do men stay in a force like the Legion?" Kate asked, "Especially knowing its history?"
"Because the Legion takes care of its own," Conrad replied, "Even after one's service. There is a town called Puyloubier where the Legion maintains a retirement home for ex-Legionnaires. A Legionnaire needn't return to a world that rejected him in the first place."
"What do they do there? Just live out their lives until the clock runs out?" Kate asked.
"They're not entirely idle," Conrad replied, reaching into a pocket.
Kate saw Conrad lay a badge onto the table, it was made of silver, and it sported a seven flamed grenade with the number 6 in the center of the device.
"The symbol of the 6th Foreign Engineer Regiment," Conrad replied, "My former unit. Made by an ancien."
"Ancien?" Kate asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Veterans of the Legion," Conrad replied, "referred to as Les Anciens."
"Oh," Kate replied, laying her PDA aside to give Conrad her full attention.
"I remember being sent on a detail there near the end of my service. I spoke to several veterans of Algeria, Indochina, and even World War II. Many of them were wounded in long forgotten battles, some of them amputees, who could only get around on prosthetic limbs or wheelchairs. The Legion still took pains to care for them."
"Looks like in this case they honor that saying 'French by spilled blood'," Kate replied, and sipped at her coffee, "So would you call on Puyloubier's services?"
"If I did find myself destitute, yes. But I've decided to take a chance in the world again," Conrad replied.
Kate reached over for her bagel as she said, "I hope it works out for you."
"Thank you, mademoiselle," Conrad replied, after taking a bite of his own bagel, and returning the warmth of Kate's smile.
I still wonder why he chose to join the Legion in the first place, Kate thought to herself. If nothing else I'm sure more indirect questions can get that answer from him. I wonder why do I care, though?
Kate glanced at her watch, to break the silence, "Looks like Baer, your boss, and the three generals will be boarding the plane soon."
"Nothing like a visit from one's boss," Conrad quipped.
"Let's just hope BA doesn't give them a massive case of indigestion from his cooking," Kate replied.
"Or a heart attack if a recipe comes to life. Literally," Conrad said.
Kate laughed, "That too."
Dulles International Airport
Washington D.C.
Agent William Baer and Agent Rachel Phillips
27 February 2002, 1230
"You must be Agent Phillips," Agent William Baer began as he sat beside the slim bodied brunette.
"We've met before," Rachel Phillips replied coolly as she set down the copy of Popular Mechanics she had been reading, "At the seminar on Law Enforcement cooperation?"
"Yes, earlier this month," Baer confirmed, "Your Agent Hart was there too."
"Yes, he was," Rachel replied, setting her magazine down.
"He's working with one of my agents, Kate Todd," Baer replied.
"I remember," Rachel replied, "She definitely seemed like a solid agent."
"She is, though I've been getting some weird reports from her lately," Baer said.
"So have I," Rachel replied, putting her copy of Popular Mechanics aside.
"Out of curiousity what kinds of reports have you been receiving?" Baer asked.
"Well Conrad did send something about a joyride in a tank," Rachel replied.
"Kate sent a similar report," Baer replied, "But honestly that was tame compared to the some of her more recent things."
"He mentioned something about a gingerbread scorpion," Rachel offered, and at Baer's sidelong glance her way she added, "Of course I asked questions."
"This more recent story Kate sent me was about some coffee that their chef, BA, makes was something else," Baer replied.
"Conrad's report told me that the coffee evidently drove an anaconda crazy with one drop," Rachel replied, before noticing Baer turning his head.
She followed his gaze to find three men, all in civilian clothing heading their way. Baer pointed out the tallest of the three, his jet black hair neatly combed and flecked with gray, "That's Major General Flagg, of the three he's the one most familiar with G.I. Joe, being the head of the Pentagon's Special Projects Directorate."
"Major General?" Rachel said, "I'm not that familiar with military ranks. I know there are one, two, three and four star generals and that five star generals only existed in World War 2."
"Just remember the phrase, 'be my little general' for Brigadier General, Major General, Lieutenant General, and General," Baer replied with a grin.
"So Flagg is a two star, got it."
"Lieutenant General Bragg is from the Pentagon's Office of Sciences," Baer replied, indicating the stocky barrel chested fellow with a half crown of blond hair.
That guy doesn't look like a scientist, Rachel thought to herself after Baer pointed him out.
Baer then indicated a fellow with graying black hair, who resembled a stand-in for Mr. Rogers talking animatedly with the barista behind a small coffee kiosk.
"That's General Roger Whithalf," Baer supplied, "He's said to be the most eccentric individual in the Pentagon."
After Whithalf had gotten his coffee, he joined Bragg and Flagg as the approached Baer and Rachel. And not a moment too soon, as the boarding call for their flight came over the PA system.
As they boarded the aircraft Rachel thought, first class, these guys sure travel in style.
She hung back, and notice Baer did so as well, waiting to see that the three generals had taken their seats.
Definitely fits Baer's Secret Service background, making sure the VIPs have their seats and then taking his own. Rachel thought.
Presently Rachel and Baer had gotten their seats, right beside each other. As the plane took of Baer turned towards Rachel and asked, "So have you received reports about Shipwreck as well?"
"Several," Rachel replied, "To include his family."
"Kate seems to think, despite their lack of sanity at times, that they're a good influence on Tolansky."
"Conrad agrees as well, though I am gonna ask him about the whipped cream fight," Rachel said.
"What whipped cream fight?"
"It's gonna be a long story," Rachel warned as she reached over for her CD player, headphones and her copy of Popular Mechanics.
"It is a long flight," Baer countered.
"In that case then…" Rachel began, with a sigh.
The Pit, Headquarters Building
General Hawk, Shipwreck, Conrad, and Kate
27 February 2002, 1300
"What about the kids?" Hawk asked Shipwreck as they headed for the foyer of the Headquarters Building.
"Mine are in the dojo today, to include the littlest one," Shipwreck replied, "Stormshadow will keep 'em outta sight."
Duke and Scarlett approached with Conrad and Kate in tow, walking briskly from the Mess Hall where they had been eating lunch.
"I'm forgetting something, I know," Hawk said to himself as well as to Shipwreck.
"No time for that," Scarlett said "Agent Todd just got the phone call that Whithalf's group is about ten minutes from the front gate."
About twenty minutes later Hawk waited outside with Scarlet, Duke, Beach Head, Shipwreck, Conrad and Kate.
Evidently you can take the Legionnaire out of the Legion but you can't take the Legion out of the Legionnaire. Kate thought as she saw Conrad standing at the position of attention.
The rental car, a gray Chevy sedan, stopped in front of the Headquarters. Agent Baer, Generals Flagg and Bragg stepped out of the car. And after she put the car in park Rachel stepped out as well.
Hawk and the Joes presented their salutes and Kate saw Conrad reflexively begin to move his arm as well before stopping.
"Old habit?" Kate smirked.
"Yes," Conrad replied, "years old habits do die hard."
"Gentlemen," Hawk said, "Welcome to the Pit."
"Clay, thank you for your hospitality," Flagg began, using Hawk's first name.
"I hope it was a good flight from D.C., sir," Hawk replied.
"It wasn't bad at all," Flagg said, "The jetlag isn't nearly as bad as flying halfway around the world."
As Flagg, Bragg, and Hawk continued to exchange pleasantries Hawk managed a sidelong glance at his subordinates.
"Where's General Whithalf?" Kate asked, "Wasn't he supposed to be with this group?"
"It looks like he pulled off one of his infamous disappearing acts," Beach Head groaned, "It figures…"
"Disappearing acts?" Kate asked.
"I didn't stutter," Beach Head said, "Whithalf pulled off one of his disappearing acts."
"Let's just say General Whithalf's background in special operations means he's good at disappearing," Scarlett supplied, "And he tends to enjoy wandering around and surfacing in the damndest places after said disappearing acts."
"I just remembered something," Shipwreck said as he joined the sidebar conversation, taking a quick glance over his shoulder.
"Not now, Shipwreck, we've got bigger problems!" Beach Head snapped.
"Ok, smart guy," Shipwreck snapped back, "Where's Toad?"
"Oh crap," Beach Head replied, "Please tell me it wasn't one of his days to be working in General Hawk's office?"
"I thought you knew," Scarlett replied, before turning to Shipwreck, "Didn't you send him on an errand?"
"No, I thought you did!" Shipwreck replied, as he took another glance, noticing Rachel and Baer were also looking around as discreetly as they could manage.
"I didn't!" Scarlett replied, "I thought you did!"
"Oh great, he wandered off again!" Beach Head grumbled, a bit too loudly.
"Who wandered off again?" Baer asked as he joined the conversation, with Rachel at his heels.
"General Whithalf," Shipwreck quickly interjected.
"Great, not again," Baer groaned.
Rachel joined them as they spoke, "I don't know where Whithalf wandered off to."
"We'll help find him," Kate quickly offered, glancing off to one side, noticing Hawk was still deep in conversation
"Is this normal?" Rachel asked, as Kate and Conrad took the opportunity to make a hasty yet discreet exit.
"This happens more often than you think," Baer said.
The Pit, The Motorpool
General Whithalf and Todd Tolansky
27 February 2002, 1354
"And this is the motorpool, sir," Todd began as he guided Whithalf into the fenced in compound where G.I. Joe kept its vehicles.
As they walked down a line of tanks Whithalf said, "I started my career in the Armor branch, driving tanks."
"I've driven a tank, sir," Todd blurted. And then he immediately turned red. Man, I shouldn't have said that around a general! Hawk's gonna kill me!
"Really?" Whithalf said, a small grin on his face, "How was it?"
"I wasn't exactly supposed to be driving it," Todd replied, embarrassed.
"You mean you took the tank for a joyride?" Whithalf asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Erhm, uh," Todd replied.
"Answer me, soldier," Whithalf urged.
Reluctantly Todd told the story of what practically everyone at the Pit was now calling Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Whithalf let out a great belly laugh, "Well, boy, I honestly have a hard time trusting a tanker who hasn't taken a joyride or two as a youth."
"R-really?" Todd asked.
"Of course!" Whithalf said, "A tanker who has a joyride or two to his name laughs in the face of obstacles, mines, and enemy tanks!"
As they walked down the line of tanks Whithalf absently began to hum a tune.
I recognize that tune, Todd thought. I've heard Agent Hart whistle it a couple times.
"Something the matter?" Whithalf asked, seeing Todd's brow furrow.
"No sir, I just recognized the tune," Todd replied.
The Pit, The Motorpool
Kate and Conrad
27 February 2002, 1415
"Without a vehicle they can't have gotten far," Conrad began as he and Kate walked down one line of parked tanks.
"I just hope Todd doesn't get into another tank again," Kate replied, "A repeat of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride is something we don't need."
"I agree, mademoiselle," Conrad replied with a wry grin.
As they walked down the line a bit further Kate asked, "So I'm curious about something."
"What is it?" Conrad asked, coming to a stop and turning to face her.
Kate stopped as well and turned to face the ex-Legionnaire, "So what happens to ex-Legionnaires when they leave the Legion?"
Conrad smirked, "A Sergent-chef once said the following, 'They go insane, they go to jail, they die, they become alcoholics or they fight in other people's wars'."
"I hope none of those things happen to you," Kate replied after they resumed walking.
"One war was enough," Conrad replied, "I do enjoy the odd pint every now and again, I've got no intention of going to jail, and we all die sometime."
"What about going insane?" Kate asked, "I notice you left that option out."
"What was it that Lewis Carroll said? Ah, 'We're all mad here'."
"I could argue, though, that you are going insane by going native with the Joes," Kate smiled.
Conrad laughed, "Law school most certainly left its mark on you."
"In the same way the Legion left its mark on you," Kate joked.
As they walked further down the line, near the end of it they could hear voices on the other side of one of the parked tanks. Well, more like a tune being hummed and Todd's voice.
"No sir, I just recognized the tune," Todd said.
Conrad tugged at Kate's sleeve and headed around the side of the tank to find General Whithalf and Todd in the middle of a conversation.
"Where do you recognize the tune?" Whithalf said, stopping his humming.
"From Agent Hart, he said it was from the French Foreign Legion," Todd replied, "The song was called Kepis Blanc."
"Huh, I'd always thought that it was the tune to the German song Panzerlied or tanker's song," Whithalf replied.
"Actually, mon general, you are both right," Conrad said as he and Kate walked towards them.
"Excuse me?" Whithalf said.
"The Legion tune, Kepis Blanc, borrows the tune of Panzerlied. The Legion added it to the songbook in the 1940s owing to the large number of Germans we had in the ranks at the time," Conrad replied.
"I did not know that," Whithalf replied, with a small grin, "And I'll hazard a guess that you served in La Legion Etrangere."
"Oui, mon general," Conrad replied, "I apologize, I have been remiss. I am Agent Conrad Hart, ACME Detective Agency and this is Agent Kate Todd, US Secret Service."
"Charmed," Whithalf said, shaking both of their hands.
"Sir," Kate interjected, "The others are looking for you two."
"Let's not keep them waiting then," Whithalf said, "Lead the way."
The Pit, Headquarters Building
Generals Hawk, Flagg, and Bragg
27 February 2002, 1433
General Hawk clenched his jaw to prevent his surprise from showing when he saw General Whithalf walking into the room. To be much more accurate the shock was from who was escorting him.
"Ah, here we are!" A booming, yet friendly voice called out.
Hawk could see Todd Tolansky walking alongside him, with Conrad and Kate in tow. Hopefully Agent Todd and Agent Hart can get Toad out of there without any more incident. Hawk thought.
"Gentlemen, sorry I'm late," Whithalf said as he approached Hawk, Bragg and Flagg, "But I was having a wonderful conversation with this young man, here. Private...Tonelessly was it?"
"Tolansky, sir!" Todd replied.
"Oh, at ease, private," Whithalf replied, "Quite a bright fellow."
"I must be getting old," Bragg muttered, "These new recruits look younger every year."
"Yes," Flagg said, raising an eyebrow, "He doesn't seem old enough for the Army."
"Never too young to serve my country when called, sir!" Todd countered.
"Kind of short to be a soldier, isn't he?" Flagg replied, turning to Hawk.
"Height requirements were lowered last year, sir," Hawk replied, remembering that that had, indeed been the case.
"Oh, of course," Bragg replied, before turning to Flagg, "I'm surprised you forgot that, sir."
The Bragg snapped his fingers at Scarlett, "Alright girl, come get the coffee."
"What!?" Scarlett shouted.
She is going to kill him and get blood all over the place, Hawk thought.
"Uh, sir!" Todd spoke up, "That's my job, sir! I do the coffee!"
Hawk caught sight of Conrad and Kate out of the corner of one eye. If those two had been a touch faster with sneaking Todd away…
"I live to serve coffee, sir!" Todd continued.
"Quite right," Whithalf interjected, "Come on, now, Bragg. This soldier has other, more important, duties to tend to. Come in, private. We wouldn't want to deprive you of your duty."
"Thank you, sir!" Todd replied.
As the three generals filed into the conference room, with Agent Baer discreetly following them, Hawk hung back briefly as he thought. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in Levenworth.
"Uh, is there anything I can do to be of service, sir?" Beach Head managed to squeak out.
"Sorry Soldier," Bragg replied, "But National Security. You understand. We have to keep this meeting top secret. Okay, private, you may serve the coffee."
As Bragg nodded to Todd the latter walked into the room. And Beach Head promptly saw his career going down in flames as Todd closed the door behind him, a smile on his face, before locking it.
The Joes in the room, in company with Agents Phillips, Todd, and Hart stared at the door in silence for what felt like hours.
"Okay did what just happen really happen? Or did I imagine it?" Shipwreck asked.
"My career is over," Beach Head groaned.
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes: Panzerlied is a German Army tanker's song that has crossed quite a few national boundaries. It is also said to have influenced the song Kepis Blanc, a French Foreign Legion song.
Additionally the line about Legionnaires post service in the Legion going insane, going to jail, dying, becoming alcoholics, or mercenaries is from Paradraig O'Keefe's book Hidden Soldier which is a good read.