Chapter 05

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I know, I know. I just…" Hizashi trails off, scratching his head with a hand, standing halfway through the kitchen doorway, about to grab a couple of glasses of water. He doesn't look up at his best friend as he sits on the couch. He has yet to look him in the eyes since he dropped by unannounced.

Nedzu had advised him to go and seek someone else for another opinion, perhaps assisting him in shedding some light in this matter. He doesn't like it, of course; He really dislikes asking for help when it regards to his personal matters… But he trusts Nedzu, so he follows his advice.

The first person he can think of is Hizashi, his best friend.

So here he is, in Hizashi's home right after sundown. Hizashi was surprised by his sudden appearance but welcomed him home. And he broke the news as soon as he sat down.

He knows he has given Hizashi a little bit more than what he initially bargained for.

"I know you're smart, man," Hizashi restarts after collecting his thoughts. "I also know you're not some dense male lead in a romcom slice of life high school manga. You know what that means."

He releases a quiet sigh but it feels loud in the living room.

"…Yeah."

"Then what is wrong with that?" Hizashi asks. He can hear the genuinity in his voice at the question. He releases another, heavier sigh.

"She shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't she?"

This conversation evokes back the emotions when he first had with Nedzu. The discomfort is slowly returning and he wants to retract to his yellow sleeping bag.

Hizashi is returning the question really quickly, and he is asking them with pure genuinity. It's the complete opposite to him. He's hesitant, slow and unsure.

The room is filled with silence but the question is still hanging in the air. Hizashi is waiting for his answer.

"I'm not the right guy."

"That's not something you decide," Hizashi retorts instantly. He can hear the confusion in his voice. Why Hizashi is confused, he has yet to know. "She sees something in you that is worth her affection."

"I am not worthy of her affection."

"Again, not something for you to decide," Hizashi replies just as quickly as before but sounds twice as confused. "Why are you denying her, Shou? From what I know, she's an amazing woman."

"I cannot deny that."

He really cannot deny that. He knows that fact really well.

It's just the fact that she is being an amazing woman to him that just… doesn't sit well with him.

"I'm just stating that she can find a better man than me."

"That's not-"

When he hears Hizashi suddenly cuts himself off and takes a deep breath, he knows his patience is wearing thin. He doesn't look up when Hizashi suddenly sits on the low table in front of him. Their knees are almost touching, but he knows Hizashi is intentionally sitting so close.

"Shou." He finally looks up. Hizashi has a furrowed brow. He has a look that is a mix of concern and mild frustration. "This is the most illogical thing you have ever said, and it's not even a surprise anymore. You always tackle things rationally except when it comes to yourself."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Shouta-" Hizashi releases a resigned sigh. "Do you want to reject her?"

He opens his mouth, ready to answer, but no words come out.

…He doesn't know.

Hizashi sighs again, but this time there is an understanding look on his face.

"You're always like this, y'know?" Hizashi starts with a quieter voice. "When it comes to your work or anything else, you got everything down to a T, but you got hit by a confusion spell when it comes to yourself. You're always at a loss when it comes to yourself."

He breaks eye contact, guilty.

He's aware of that fact a long time ago. And everyone keeps reminding him about it too.

When he feels a hand on his shoulder, he looks back up at his best friend.

Hizashi has a kind and understanding smile on his face.

"You'll take it nice and slow, alright? If you tell it clearly to Miruko, I'm sure she'll understand. You'll do good. I believe in you."

.

"'Zashi told me," is his half-sister's greeting as soon as he opens the front door to his apartment.

"…Bastard."

"Shouta, baby."

"Nem, no."

He turns around and walks into his home. He hears Nemuri closing the door behind him before hearing her releasing a deep sigh.

"Why can't you accept her like how you accept us, Shou-chan?"

"Because she is different," he replies with a firm tone, turning around to face her. She is not too far from him, within touching distance. "She is not like you, or Hizashi. You are my half-sister and Hizashi is my best friend. You two are family . And Usagiyama… She is a complete stranger."

"What about Fatgum?" Nemuri suddenly asks as soon as he finishes talking. "Out of all of us, he was a complete stranger that was closer to the likes of Miruko. What sets him apart from her?"

He hesitates, because she is correct with her presumption.

"…Taishiro is a close friend , and it took him years to earn that status," he answers her question. "Usagiyama is someone who wants more than just friends, more than just… what I know, more than what I am capable of."

Nemuri doesn't reply. She just stares at him quietly. It's different from what Hizashi gave him, a different kind of understanding.

He breaks eye contact and looks down at the floor beneath their feet.

The discomfort has returned.

"She showed me emotions that none of you ever showed me. We had never met before, yet she chose me out of everyone who could be better. Just…" A hand shoots up and scratches the back of his head roughly. "Why me? I am the least interesting person there is."

"I find you plenty interesting person, Shou-chan," his sister softly interrupts. He feels her hands on his arm, a silent gesture to stop his action. She must've known that any more and he'll tear his skin out.

He stops and slowly lowers his hand. She releases his arm.

She's standing a lot closer now.

It's getting hard to look her in the eyes.

"But even then, it is not enough for her to be so…" He swallows, finding it daunting to say the next word. "… attracted to me. There are so many more people out there, so many more choices with better… everything."

"Yet despite that, she chose you."

With one gentle hand, she grabs onto his wrist and pulls him to the couch. She sits down and tugs his hand to do the same. He places himself right next to her but she puts a hand on his head and pulls it down until he's laying his head on her lap.

With a careful hand, she starts petting his hair. He can feel his discomfort lessens.

Meeting his half-sister is a blessing he's always thankful for.

"You know why?" She starts, continues to stroke his hair. "It's because you're you. It's because you are Shouta Aizawa. If there is an exact carbon copy of you, down to your Quirk and those bags under your eyes, I am willing to bet that she would still choose the Underground Pro Hero Eraserhead."

"And that is where the problem lies," he mumbles out, feeling himself quite small under her touch. He hears Nemuri hum in displeasure but she doesn't stop her motion.

"I am familiar with Miruko. We butt heads a good number of times. I find her an admirable woman. She puts all her focus on being a Hero, aiming for the spotlight, and fights her way to the eleventh spot all on her own. She never stopped for anyone or anything… yet she did it for you."

"She should've kept her focus on her dream," he whispers.

"You must be someone special to her that she is willing to impede her pursuit of her dream for you."

He doesn't answer. He doesn't know what to answer. He doesn't like that statement. And he doesn't have an answer to it.

"Give her a chance, Shou. Who knows what kind of possibilities will open with her by your side."

.

It's a cloudy day. The sun isn't shining down on him. He's not feeling too hot, not too cold. The humidity is just right as well. He can feel the breeze against his skin. It's the perfect time to be out and about.

So here he is, hands deep in his pockets, standing in front of a standing stone, barely reaching his hips in height. It's a stone he is familiar with, too familiar , even though he is surrounded by the exact same stones right now.

But this one is special.

"Hey, Oboro."

The tombstone stays silent.

He never expects it to reply anyway.

He stays quiet anyway. He lets the wind blow over him, letting his scarf billow against the wind. The breeze finally dies down, leaving only empty quietness around him.

Then, he releases a sigh.

"I'm sorry for not visiting recently. I got my mind busy."

During his absence, it seems the stone is cleaned. Last time he was here, the stone wasn't as polished, wasn't as shiny. Someone must've been here too, taking care of it when he can't.

Then, he takes out his hand from the pocket and rubs the back of his neck.

"Surprisingly, it's less about me and… well, it's still about me," he says quietly while slightly shrugging his shoulders.

Being here is completely different from being with Da- Nedzu, 'Zashi and Nem. With them, he was seeking assistance with his predicament and had a two way conversation. He was getting responses, even if they are something he finds not quite helpful or makes him uncomfortable.

Here, in front of this inanimate object that is used as a memorial, a memory, a mark to the living world of someone who has passed, there is no conversation. He is here not asking help (even though he knows he is willing to help without even asking). He's not here expecting any responses.

He's here to… tell him stuff, to let him catch up on what he has been missing.

Instead of wanting a response to his problem, he is telling his problem and expects nothing in return.

Well, it is impossible to have something in return.

"Someone is interested in me. Shocker, I know."

He can feel his lips tugging up at the sentence.

If he was here he would guffaw to the point he's wheezing.

Never in his life he would be in this position, to have someone interested in him. And it's not just someone, it's Pro Hero Miruko. She is among the top five most attractive Heroes of all time across Japan (with Nemuri at number one of course). For someone who is outstandingly attractive to be attracted to him… it is an impossibility.

"Would you know that this could ever happen?"

He stares at the name engraved into the stone, forever marking it. It's a name that shouldn't be engraved on such stone, especially at a time so early.

The wind blows again. The sky darkens as thick clouds begin to form. The humidity changes rapidly. It's about to rain shortly.

"Of course you do. You only knew me as the gloomy kid that grew into a cheerful friend that you made me to be."

He doesn't move when he feels the first sign of rain.

He doesn't move when it starts to pitter-patter.

He doesn't move when the sky begins to rain down on him.

His sense has dulled out. Warmth has left his body as the coldness of loneliness, of missing his friend, a friend who left too early, seeps in.

'You never knew me as the way I am now, and never will.'