Chapter 07
He is in the lounge, all by himself, working on the papers that are due next week, when he hears the entrance door slide open. He doesn't look away from the papers at hand, not paying attention to whoever is coming in, not really caring if his colleagues barging in horns blazing (though he would prefer if they were not to).
That is until he hears the voice.
"Hey, Eraser."
That makes his head shoot up, glasses slide down his nose a little bit.
Miruko appears by the door, a hand in the air to give him a small but cheery little wave.
"Miruko," he greets back while nodding his head. She flashes him a smile. "Is there a reason for you to be here?" he asks as Miruko closes the door behind her and walks over to him.
"Nothin' much," she replies. She grabs the chair from the desk next to his, Mic's, and pulls it back. "I'm just takin' a break before I head out," she adds before she sits down in it, leaning back.
So top Heroes do take breaks occasionally. Seeing All Might and Endeavor always all going out about almost made him believe that all top Heroes don't take breaks.
Well, he's not any better than them. In fact, he's significantly worse than the top two combined. He has Principal Nedzu and Recovery Girl back up that claim.
"Why here?" He can't help but ask because he is indeed quite curious by her answer. Not many would consider a school as a place to take a break.
He has a suspicion but he wants her to answer it herself.
"It's close by." She shrugs.
He hums. Well, let's just hope she doesn't bother him too much. He returns his focus back on the papers at hand. He readjusts his glasses so he can see what his students had scribbled down.
"Why didn't you text? You already have my number," he says to her as at the same time he marks the paper with his red pen.
"It's workin' hour," she answers simply.
True.
And he's silently thankful to her for that.
"I'm also here to recharge."
That addition causes him to look back at her and give her a raised eyebrow look. She merely gives him a cheeky smile.
He readjusts his glasses once more.
He notices her suddenly subtly biting her lower lip as her eyes droop a little.
He ignores the look and returns his attention back to the paper.
Ambient silence envelops both of them. He keeps marking the papers before him. Miruko, sitting in the chair next to him, is staring at him without blinking. No words are said between them, and she doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't mind it either, in fact prefer it greatly.
But her long gaze on him, the attention completely fixated on him, is slowly getting to him, slowly making him a little uncomfortable. He tries to hide it, but as time goes he's getting more uncomfortable.
It makes him keenly aware that it's only the two of them alone in the office right now.
Finally, he looks up and gives her a narrowed look over his glasses, hoping that his little warning look would make her fluster a bit for being caught staring.
She isn't fluttered at being caught, doesn't even relent, and continues looking at him. She has her elbow resting on the table, now he realizes. She rests her chin in her palm and her fingers cover her cheek, the pinky finger lightly touches the corner of her lips.
There is a certain glitter in her eyes.
"Aizawa," she suddenly starts, now using his name. The sudden shift in formality makes the discomfort a little less bearable; it means something is coming.
"Yeah?" he replies as casually as possible.
"You know I love you, right?"
You know I love you, right?
His heart skips a beat.
His skin feels prickly.
His throat feels dry.
He swallows thickly.
He shifts in his seat.
He rolls his shoulders.
She finally said it.
She finally put all her actions, all her words, all her hints that she had done to him, into a single, clear and concise sentence that is uttered bluntly, just the way he prefers it.
All the conversations he had with Da- Nedzu, Hizashi and Nemuri (and Oboro) come back, repeating in his mind over and over again compressed into a fraction of a second.
All the advice he asked, all to prepare himself for this moment, now feels useless.
Her look doesn't change, despite his reaction. He knows she saw it all. She still has that look of expectancy on her face.
She is waiting, patiently, for his answer.
He swallows again.
Then, he takes a deep breath, more for his own courage, then he slowly opens his mouth.
"…I came to that conclusion recently," he somehow manages to utter. For whatever reasons, his voice is not quivering from the pressure.
"And?"
And with just one word, his mind instantly goes blank.
He doesn't even know just how to react to that.
And Miruko… Usagiyama… She still has that expectant look on her face, even more so.
She is still patient with him.
And all he can think of is…
"…I don't know what to think of."
His voice is quiet, quieter than normal, but it sounds so loud in his ears. It sounds as if he spoke directly into his own ears, yet no echoes in the large room he and Usagiyama are in.
It also makes him aware how, somehow, for reasons he doesn't know, he can't hear his own heartbeat. In a situation like this, in a situation where he doesn't know what to do or how to react, his heart should be pumping hard.
Yet he hears nothing.
And he watches, right there and then, as the expectant look on her face disappears. He watches, right there and then, as her smile changes.
For the first time for his eyes, her smile turns sad and her eyes downcast.
"That's fine."
The coil in his heart winds tighter than ever.
She sounds… heartbroken, but trying her best to hide it.
But at the same time, she looks like she already knew what his answer was, and doesn't sound very surprised about it too. It makes him frown.
"Aren't you upset?" He can't help but ask. Anyone would logically be upset. There is no way she would be fine with his answer.
She lets out a quiet chuckle that doesn't reach her always expressive eyes.
This little change in her is making him unsettled.
The Usagiyama that he knows is now a changed woman.
"No," she answers quietly while shaking her head. "Sad, yes. But not upset." He watches her as she takes a quiet but stuttering breath, more for her own courage, then opens her mouth again. "I cannot decide your feelings, Aizawa. Even if I can, I don't want to."
She is looking at him straight in the eyes, as if showing him her sincerity as she lies her heart open right in front of him. She is not hiding anything now. In this exact moment, she is at her most vulnerable.
And it gives him great discomfort.
Only a handful had ever trusted him enough to show their vulnerability to him, and all of them are family (at least, people who he considers as family). So for Usagiyama to peel her chest open and reveal her heart to him, baring herself to him, she really trusts him an insurmountable amount, way too much for him to bear.
…And she really does love him.
"I want you to love me because you love me, not because of me lovin' you," she continues on, steamrolling forward even though he can hear the edge of breaking in her voice. "I don't want your pity love, y'know? I want your sincerity, your honest feelings, unfiltered, clear, undisguised, so very much Aizawa-like that you truly are."
Her voice now begins to quiver. Her eyes are suddenly twitching ever so slightly. Her courage begins to wane. He can tell that his reply is beginning to take hold of her core.
And all he can do, all he can think of doing right now, is do nothing and watch speechlessly.
He doesn't know what to say.
He doesn't know how to react.
"A-And-" She pauses when her voice cracks. She looks down, breaking eye contact. She takes the moment to clear her throat, clear her voice. Then, she looks back up at him with eyes much glassier than ever before, eyes that he is starting to find difficulty to maintain contact with. "And I did get your sincere, honest feelings, loud and clear."
She gives him a smile, one that he is very familiar with, but now has a different tinge to it. It's a wobbly one, not as wide but he can see her trying to stretch it up to its usual width and…
It looks so heartbroken.
She turns away from him, but he can still see her wiping her hand across her eyes.
He can still hear her quietly sniffling once and releases a stuttering breath.
"Y'know," she starts with the quietest voice he has ever heard coming from her. It's quivering heavily too, it's impossible to miss it. "I had been thinking about this moment for a while before today, how it'd play out and all. I knew-" She sniffles again, a little louder this time. "I knew it would play like this. I knew it would come to this. I had prepared myself for it, even though there was an inkling of hope that you would say yes. I just…"
She pauses. She sniffles one more time, taking another deep, stuttering breath one more time.
"I just didn't expect it would hurt this bad, y'know."
That squeezes his heart painfully.
He never means to hurt her this bad.
It was never his intention to hurt her.
He has no reason to hurt her.
Yet… he knows that honesty hurts the most. It's how he teaches. He shows and tells his students with brutal honesty not to hurt them for his own pleasure, but for them to grow stronger, to face the world with iron armor and not stomped down by reality.
But when it comes to emotions, to feelings…
There is a reason why students are afraid of him.
She stays like that for a while, facing away from him. He knows she refuses to look at him. He knows her courage is all gone now. She can't look at him without finally breaking down.
And all he can do is nothing.
Throughout the entire thing, throughout the whole time of her wrenching her heart out for him, he stays quiet.
Part of him believes that is also what she had wanted, for him to stay quiet and not interrupt her, and also possibly too afraid of what else he is going to say, something that might wound her heart more.
He doesn't know how much more he can hurt her, if that is ever the case. His reply is already enough to reduce her into a brokenhearted state.
Fuck… He had broken a rising, inspiring Hero with nothing but words alone.
Then, he sees her ears swivel towards the door. It sounds like the other teachers are coming back.
"I'll be goin' now," Usagiyama says with a watery voice, without looking at him. She slowly stands up from the chair. She sniffs once before clearing her throat. She takes a few deep breaths before rolling her shoulders and lifts her head. "See ya, Aizawa."
Without looking at him once since then, she walks towards the door, ready to slide it open. But the door is already moving before she can reach out to it, sliding open to reveal a Present Mic.
He can see Mic taken aback by Usagiyama's presence, seeing how he jumps back a little with a startled look on his face. She only gives him a small nod before she walks around him and finally out the room. Mic keeps eyes on her, even when she has gone out of his sight.
Then Mic turns towards him, now giving him a confused look. He doesn't answer and breaks eye contact, instead silently gazes down at the papers he should be grading. His motivation to continue on the work has disappeared. He can't bring himself to grade the papers at hand.
All he can now think of is this feeling that had left between him and Usagiyama, a feeling that he doesn't like. He knows it will be eating him away from now on. The worst part is that he doesn't know how to solve it.
There is… something about her goodbye that sounds completely different than previous ones she had said to him. It sounds less goodbye and more like…
It sounds more like a farewell.