Chapter 09
He was released early, thankfully.
No one was surprised, but the doctors were thoroughly exasperated. He knew that he was supposed to stay much longer because he was suffering from his most severe injuries yet. They couldn't do anything about it besides grit their teeth, because they were wise enough to go against Nedzu's intervention, just as he had expected the bear-rat creature would do.
But they, the doctors, did rant to him to take it easy and "for the love of whatever deity is shining down upon us please take a goddamn rest!" and he is forced to take a long break to heal his injuries. Usually, he would ignore the doctors' orders, just like every time before, but this time they were backed up by Nedzu himself.
He tries not to shudder as his mind wanders back to when Nedzu dropped by for a… "Visit" . A "Visit" that involved him kneeling on the floor and stared hole into it while Nedzu sat in front of him.
As promised, he let Usagiyama know of it first out of everyone. She didn't reply, only left him on read. It didn't bother him; he's no stranger to it as he does it himself. It did make him wonder, though; he had expected a quick or a wall of replies from her after that, yet he got none.
*Knock Knock*
He looks up from his coffee (doc's orders be damned when it comes to his coffee) when he hears the knock on the front door. He frowns as he tries to think of who would drop by at this time. His first guess is Taishiro but it is unlikely because he said he is busy today and instead will drop by tomorrow. It was just this morning he got discharged and the sun is already starting to dip into the horizon; whoever they are, they got here quick.
He groans as he gets up from the chair, joints popping, and one hand on the injury at his side when he feels a dull aching from the exertion of just standing up . He waddles to the door with agonizingly slow steps or else the rest of his injuries flare up. He finds it in disbelief that he sighs in relief when he arrives at the door. Finally, he swings the door open.
A pair of ruby red eyes are staring up at him.
Usagiyama, in a familiar disguise, smiles at him apologetically.
He narrows his eyes at her, suspicious.
He had never told her his address.
"Was it Midnight?"
"Yeah."
He can feel his eyebrow tick. Then, he releases a heavy sigh before he steps back and opens the door wide, a silent gesture to let her in.
"…Cursed woman," he mutters under his breath as Usagiyama hesitantly enters his home. He sees her eyes, wide as dishes, roam around. Here he realizes she is carrying something with her, a rectangular bag that is hanging from her shoulder and a hand keeping it stable and secure.
"I never knew you two are close," Usagiyama comments as he closes the door.
"She is my half-sister," he answers, which causes her to turn around towards him, looking very surprised and taken aback by that information.
" Sister? That bitch ?" she asks with a dumbfounded look. He tries not to snort at her interpretation of his sibling, but he does nod his head.
He silently contemplates if he should tell Nemuri of what Usagiyama said about her, but part of him thinks she would not be surprised by that.
Then, he notices her eyes drop, breaking eye contact, to something lower. From his angle, he thinks she is staring at his hand that he is still pressing at his side. The pain has gone away but he has yet to remove his hand. Her expression then falls into that of a concerned one.
"How are you feelin'?"
"Fine," he answers curtly.
"Meaning?"
He blinks at the response, at that question.
Then, he narrows his eyes again.
"Who?"
"Present Mic."
His eye twitches.
"…Goddamn bastard ."
"So?" Usagiyama prods further, her eyes now back up to his. The concerned look is slightly muted now, a little overshadowed with amusement from his comment earlier. He gives her a hard stare but her look doesn't relent. Finally, he releases a defeated sigh.
She's going to be on the list of the overly worried people, it seems.
"Hard to move, recurring aches, need to change the wraps later," he answers honestly. She would know if he lied because apparently either she learned it from his friends or his friends taught her. That only makes it frustrating for him to deal with her if (more accurately, when ) things like this happen again. Usagiyama looks satisfied with his answer.
"Have you eaten?" she asks as she turns around and heads over to his dining table.
"No," he answers as she puts the bag she is carrying on the table. She turns around to flash him a wide smile.
"I made miso soup."
He blinks.
Usagiyama suddenly freezes in place, seemingly realizing what she had just said.
"It's just a wild guess," she tries to reason as her wide smile turns awkward.
He glares at her.
"…Principal Nedzu."
His temple throbs .
"… Fucking rat ."
.
The miso soup was… okay, to say the least. He admits that it was at least better than Hizashi's (not a high bar to pass; he somehow burned water while trying to make it) but it was nothing spectacular.
He did spy the numerous bandages all over her fingers, a testament to her effort. It's hard not to notice them, especially right now.
"Usagiyama, please stop," he says in exasperation as he tries to stop her as she begins to undo the bandage around his right shin, but she slaps his hands away.
"No, I'm helpin'," she replies stubbornly, eyes locked in on the white cloth. He tries once again, a bit more forceful this time but when the pain suddenly flares he unintentionally releases a hiss. That causes Usagiyama to look up and give him a raised eyebrow look. "See? Just stay put and let me do this."
He glares at the top of her head because her gaze quickly returns back to the task at hand. He silently curses his body for not siding with him. Now he can't find any excuses to refuse her help. He tries not to grumble in annoyance and finally stops fighting her.
Her touch is gentle, he realizes, soft even. She is being very careful with her hands as she unwraps the final bit of the bandage from his leg. It is not that dissimilar with how Nemuri would usually treat his wounds (the few rare times that he did allow her to, that is).
but…
The gentleness, the care, not to mention she looks completely focused at what she is doing…
It is on a level far higher than he ever experienced.
It reminds him what Usagiyama is seeing him as, what he had said to her regarding that matter.
"Why are you here, Usagiyama?"
She stops herself from grabbing the new roll of bandages and turns towards him. She blinks, confused.
"Am I not allowed to?" she asks back, voice mirroring her expression.
"No, it's not that. You can make your own decisions and I am not stopping you."
"Except you did try to stop me."
He forces himself to not roll his eyes at the comment while Usagiyama smirks.
"It's just- I mean- It…" he stutters before he shuts his mouth. He takes a deep breath to collect his thoughts, to make his words more coherent and better conveyed. "You have no reason to be here, Usagiyama. Especially not after…" His throat closes.
The discomfort is stopping him from continuing.
Usagiyama stares at him for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant, before her eyes widen.
Then, that goddamn smile appears.
She shouldn't have that smile after… that moment.
"That may be, but my feelings are still true."
He finds himself gasping at those words. She seems to ignore it as she turns around and finally grabs the new bandage roll. She unwraps it before she begins winding it around his shin, keeping it neat and tidy.
"Despite your rejection, I'm still in love with you, Aizawa."
He shifts.
He swallows around the giant lump in his throat.
The discomfort doubles .
"Usagiyama-"
"I thought stayin' away from you will make me forget these feelings of mine, that I will stop havin' feelings for you," she suddenly starts, cutting him off mid-sentence and effectively shutting him up. She doesn't look up at him, keeping her eyes on his shin while working with the white cloth. "But the more time I spend away, they only grow stronger. Absence makes the heart fonder, y'know," she says with a small tug up on the corner of her lips.
He doesn't know how to respond to that. He keeps his quiet, reminding him of the time when she first poured her heart out to him.
He realizes he is exactly in the same situation. She is pouring her heart out to him again; this time involving less tears.
He realizes that he is reacting the same.
"Then I realize, it hurts me more to be away from you than your rejection," she continues on after a small moment of silence. She ties off the end of the bandage and tucks it in. He feels her hand resting on his shin and keeps it there for a moment.
Then, she looks up at him.
She gives him that smile, that smile he knows so very well.
Then, it turns sad, resigned.
And her eyes deeply mirror it.
"It is because I am still very much in love with you, Aizawa." Her hand moves up from his shin to his knee. He feels her giving it a light squeeze. "I'm sorry you have to deal with me, Aizawa. I just… can't help it."
He looks away, away from her eyes, away from her smile.
He doesn't like how that sad smile squeezes his heart.
He doesn't like how her words make his skin crawl.
He doesn't like how it is him that makes her like this.
He bites his lips.
"You didn't hear me loud and clear."
Through her hand on his knee, he feels her suddenly freeze.
"What?"
He can hear the confusion in her voice.
He swallows.
Then, he opens his mouth.
"…I never rejected you."
There was a moment of silence after he said that sentence. Then, he feels her hand starting to squeeze his knee firmly.
"…Wait… Does that mean…?"
"No, no," he corrects her, finally looking up at her. He can see that there is a stunned but hopeful look on her face. She looks like she is holding her breath, waiting for him. "I don't- It's ju- I… I…" he stutters out, fumbling over his words. He bites his lip so hard he tastes iron, feeling frustrated.
He's always bad when it comes to sensitive stuff like this. He's always bad at expressing himself. He has no one to blame but himself for this inconvenient behavior of his. Hizashi always points it out. Nemuri seems to understand it but he knows she is growing tired of it.
And Nedzu is still waiting for him to call him Da…
And now, Usagiyama is here, patiently waiting, expecting, full of hope.
He takes a deep but stuttering breath.
"I just… don't know how to feel right now. That's all."
He prefers honesty above all else.
So while he doesn't reciprocate her feelings, he didn't reject her either.
He just… he just doesn't know.
He has no explanation to it, but "doesn't know" sounds the best fitting to it, to him.
Usagiyama suddenly releases his knee. She reaches out and grabs one of his hands on his lap, bringing his attention to them. He doesn't realize he has been clenching his hands really tightly. She pulls one away from his lap and towards her. Her gentle touch causes him to relax his hand but it makes him aware just how sweaty and clammy it has become. Yet, she looks like she doesn't mind.
She keeps tugging it closer to her until she presses it against her sternum and holds it there.
He can feel her heartbeat, despite being nowhere near her heart.
When he locks eyes with her, she has the biggest, warmest smile on her face he has ever seen.
Her cheeks aren't red, her ears aren't flopping, and her bobtail isn't wagging (not that he is checking), but this is the happiest he has seen of her. Her eyes are glassy, looking like she will weep out of pure joy any moment.
"You don't know how happy you made me feel hearin' that, Aizawa."
'You look better like that, anyway.'