The First Date Part III

Typically, first dates are not magical. They tend to be fraught with nerves, with each person trying to present the best version of themselves. This was not the case for Elizabeth and Nathan. Having known each other for years gave them an advantage. Their lengthy history, along with the friendship that developed while they witnessed each other's best and worst moments, put them in a completely different league. It would be logical to assume this outing wouldn't be a traditional first date. Could they have an enchanting, momentous evening after all the angst and heartache they'd lived through? Both hoped so, but the necessary, yet difficult conversations that needed to occur hung over them.

Still, the throes of "first date" excitement were palpable. While it certainly was that way for them both, Nathan felt it more so for himself. He felt like a hopeless romantic. He was not given to fanciful moods, but now that he could love her freely, how could he not fall prey to them? All he wanted right now was to cocoon Elizabeth in a moonlit bubble and never let her go. However, he found himself needing to hear how she arrived at her change of heart. Also, it was obvious she needed to say her part. Maybe there was a part of him that wanted to bypass that piece, but the hard truth was if he and Elizabeth were to have any sort of a chance as a couple, they owed it to each other to put everything out in the open.

She said she was ready to talk. In another time, he might have been nervous. He could've even admitted to qualms. Thankfully, he was good at hiding qualms due to his chosen profession, but this time around now, he was confident. He knew he had her love. Now that he knew their love for each other was mutual, he'd find the strength of a thousand Hercules to confront whatever battle was necessary to be together. No matter what, he knew there was nothing she could say now that would change this unwavering, timeless, and all-consuming love he felt for her.

The moment had come. He was ready to listen.

There was no other way to do this other than to start at the beginning, Elizabeth thought. Mustering all the courage she could, she opened her mouth and spilled out what was in her heart. "After Jack died, I simply broke. I never knew one could crumble under such staggering grief. The pain was so excruciating it was hard to breathe, to walk, to simply live. Abigail and Rosemary held me up… along with this wonderful community… but until I found out I was pregnant, I didn't feel like I had a purpose. For a while not even my calling as a teacher helped, even though my students have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. You could say I floated through life, with some days better than others, and other times I simply felt numb. When little Jack was born, everything changed. He became my purpose and reason for living. I finally put myself back together to be the best mother I could be for him."

"You have been a wonderful mother, 'Lizbeth. It is obvious to everyone that you live and breathe for little Jack. He's such a sweet, good-natured, and curious boy. You've done well," Nathan pointed out as he took her hand. They approached the clearing by the school grounds, where they stopped and took a seat as they had the night before.

Elizabeth stared at their joined hands, riveted by the picture they made. She didn't deserve this man. She could only think of how atrociously she'd behaved in her attempts to ignore the truth that was deeply embedded within her.

"You asked how my change of heart came about… I might have to take the long route in explaining this… do you mind?" Elizabeth asked, glancing at Nathan with such raw emotion, he couldn't help but feel fiercely protective of her.

"No, I don't mind, 'Lizbeth. Please, take all the time you need," he said, indulgently.

The way he looked at her made Elizabeth ache. The dichotomy of the strong, protective man who could be so gently loving wasn't lost on her. Not anymore. She felt a fist squeezing her heart, as she stifled a cross between a laugh and a sob. She certainly didn't deserve him. Still, the opportunity was here to finally make amends and set her heart free. She in turn had fears he might have a change of heart after she bared her soul. She had to prepare herself for that. She had been cowering far too long. Do what you're afraid to do. The Emerson quote plaque at the library, the very same one Nathan had fashioned, taunted her.

Taking a deep, mollifying breath, she squared her shoulders and straightened her spine. She fervently hoped there would be redemption after facing the truth.

"After little Jack was born, he and teaching were my primary focus. I had finally managed to put myself together after Jack's death, but there was this piece of me I decided to keep close, and if at all possible, hidden. I couldn't think of loving again, not romantically, so all the love within me was bestowed upon my son, my students, and my friends. Then one day, you and Lucas moved into town, and both of you started chipping away at that piece of me I was so ferociously protecting. All the while, we became friends, Nathan. I love our friendship, I always have. I felt like I could talk to you about anything. I still do."

"You do know our conversations have always been the highlight of my day," Nathan stated, his head tilting in that endearing way of his.

Elizabeth's eyes glimmered. "I adore them. Those conversations always helped me in one way or another. You either centered me, challenged me, or gave me sensible advice."

"I could say the same about you," Nathan said softly, briefly brushing his lips over her knuckles.

Her insides fluttered over his tender touch. Elizabeth wondered how such a gentlemanly kiss had the ability to overcome her so, as she felt the overpowering need to throw herself into his arms. She exercised all the control she could muster. It was necessary to continue with what she needed to say.

"Nathan, like I said, it was always you. However, after the prisoner transfer incident, when I thought you were dead, I vowed I would never go through that again. I ended up choosing Lucas because he felt safe and secure. It was… comfortable…and the chances of going through what I lived through with Jack's passing were considerably less likely."

"You felt safe with him, I understand that now," Nathan said, deflecting his gaze away from her. It was difficult for him to hear her admit that. It was beyond ironic that he lived to protect people. He had arrived in Hope Valley to watch over her and her young son, but ultimately, he couldn't provide the feeling of safety she needed.

Elizabeth responded passionately. "That's precisely the incongruity of it all! I realize now when I ran into your arms, when I saw you were alive and well, that's the safest I'd ever felt. I felt protected when you hugged me and held on to me the way I was holding on to you! And that scared me! It shook me to my core and I couldn't grasp it. I couldn't understand it."

"I had a feeling, but I couldn't be sure, 'Lizbeth. That was one of the reasons why I couldn't give up on you. But then you said everything you said, and you chose Lucas. I had to behave as a gentleman would… by stepping aside so you could find your happiness." Nathan's expression clouded faintly, remembering how he'd felt.

"Everything I said was a lie. I let myself be shrouded in fear. It was easier to delude myself and silence my heart. Being with Lucas gave me a false sense of security, and I ran with that as long as I could. I know my behavior was appalling in my efforts to push you away." Elizabeth was short of breath, a brief feeling of agitation threatening to take over.

Attuned to her in ways unfathomable to both, Nathan immediately noticed her change in disposition. "Darling, it's alright… what matters is that we're here now," he said reverently. As he caressed her hand, it took all of Elizabeth's will to quell her unruly feelings and continue baring her heart.

"Nathan, when I told you I loved you, but that I wasn't in love you," she said faltering, the memory of that moment imprinted in her soul, "I lied."

"I had an inkling," he said quietly. "It still felt like you plunged a knife into me though." Nathan winced at the recollection but recovered quickly. Not quickly enough however, as Elizabeth noticed his almost imperceptible reaction.

"I will always regret that day. I regret all the moments I caused you pain. It was never my intention to hurt you, or Lucas for that matter," she said in a hushed tone.

"'Lizbeth, things always happen the way they should. We play the cards we're dealt and hope for the best," he smiled weakly, thinking of Lucas as he uttered such a metaphor. "We can't regret how events came to be. Regrets tend to cast long shadows. Truth be told, I don't think heartache could've been avoided where Lucas, you, and I were concerned. Both of us fell in love with you, it's as simple as that. Someone was bound to get hurt, but in the end, we've all had our share of suffering. All decisions I made were with eyes wide open, and I'll admit, if I had to live through it all over again, I'd do it the same way."

Surprised, she asked, "You would?"

Nathan paused and looked at her unwaveringly. "Yes, because it's the path that finally opened up your heart to mine."

Elizabeth's eyes met Nathan's. They shone so brightly her stomach twisted. Every nerve felt frayed. How was it that she could feel such overpowering feelings that took over every last sensation in her body just by looking into his eyes?

"Lizbeth… don't look at me like that," Nathan said gruffly, his voice lowering an octave.

"How am I looking at you?" She asked in a whisper.

"Like the universe begins and ends with me," Nathan replied, his voice breaking.

"And if it does?" His gaze drew hers with its magnetic pull.

"Then I might just have to do this," Nathan answered.

Hooking his finger under her chin, his lips swiftly took Elizabeth's, making her gasp into his mouth. Her unconscious sigh triggered Nathan into deepening the kiss, taking them to places previously unknown. Their past embraces had been loving, and in a way partially restrained, but this one was full of raw emotions, thundering heartbeats, and a blazing path of riotous sensations. Elizabeth held on, her heart plummeting and soaring at the same time with a vortex of emotions consuming her. It had never been like this. Not with Jack, not with Lucas. This was it. She felt faint, so she broke free from the kiss, trying to catch her breath. She lifted her fingertips and lightly touched her swollen lips, coming to the full realization that Nathan was indeed the big love she had talked about with Jack at his grave not so long ago.

Nathan found his voice first. "If I had known it could be like this, I might have forgotten my gentlemanly ways and challenged Bouchard to a duel."

Elizabeth's eyes widened, "Let's be thankful that didn't happen!"

They shared a soft laugh, and Elizabeth looked down at her hands again. "I still haven't finished with what I have to say."

"Please, go ahead. I apologize for the distraction," he said sheepishly.

"There's no need. It was a rather welcome one," she replied through lowered lashes. She saw him smile when he thought she wasn't looking, and her heart soared once again. Pulling herself together, she cleared her throat. It was finally time to share with Nathan the turning point that led to her change of heart.

"It was the day of the Rock Creek standoff," she said in a rush of breath.

"What?" Nathan blinked.

Elizabeth told him how Florence had commented there had been shots fired and a constable taken hostage. She had tried to take things calmly, but when she saw the telegram on his desk, and Newton wasn't in his stall, a meltdown ensued.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that," Nathan murmured, concern evident in his handsome features.

Elizabeth twisted her mouth into a wry smile. "Going through that gut-wrenching reaction made me recognize it didn't matter if we were together or not, it would be excruciating to lose you." A single tear ran a course down her cheek. Her voice tremulous, she said, "Whenever I said, 'be safe', it was my way of saying you mattered to me while keeping you at a distance. But my heart got louder and louder. I couldn't silence it any longer."

Nathan reached out and touched her cheek. Rubbing his thumb over her sensitive skin he said, "I always felt something from you every time you told me to 'be safe'. I thought it was all in my head!"

"It wasn't," Elizabeth said, lifting her hand and touching his. So much time wasted…but she couldn't think that way. Not now, not ever again. "Henry saw me. I was a hyperventilating, desperate mess. Later he encouraged me to think about how I felt at that moment."

"I might have to invite Henry to have a pint," Nathan said, chuckling softly.

Elizabeth smiled reflectively and sidetracked for a minute. "Henry cares deeply. It's amazing how far he's come. His friendship means a lot, especially now that we're Goldie's godparents."

Both fell into a brief contemplative silence, but after a moment, Nathan squeezed Elizabeth's hand, silently prodding her to continue.

"Even though I tried to brush it off and proceed with the charade that was my engagement, I started having doubts. The incidents with Montague and the Governor, and the events that catapulted Lucas's political career, were incredibly overwhelming. There were so many qualms, but I wanted to be supportive. How could I think of my needs when Hope Valley was at risk of being destroyed?"

"And then I had to go to the schoolhouse and confront you," Nathan said bluntly.

"I am glad you did."

He leaned forward, grasping his hands together, and laid his forearms on his knees. Looking down he said, "After the fact I felt awful. I thought it had been a big mistake, a knee-jerk reaction on my part. I had to talk to you, I couldn't help myself."

"I don't think it was wrong. You were concerned for a friend, and that's valid." Elizabeth's voice trailed off. She finally asked quietly, "May I ask why you came to me that day?"

There was nothing else for Nathan to do but to lay it all out. "I couldn't handle the thought of you moving to Capitol City. Having you an 18-hour train ride away was more than I could bear. I had to try to change your mind. I know how much Hope Valley means to you, how you feel about your students, how important it is for you to raise little Jack here. I also saw you look so disconcerted one day in town… as people congratulated Lucas for running for governor. You took a calming breath. It was obvious to me you were not fully comfortable and you didn't look happy. Maybe if I said something, if someone asked you what you wanted, you would consider staying. I never thought it might lead to you breaking the engagement. I just wanted you nearby, where I could count on your friendship, and continue to watch over you and little Jack."

It dawned on Elizabeth just how much Nathan loved her. It was humbling after everything she'd said and done, he would continue to care for her in such a way.

"Going with Lucas on his campaign trip wouldn't have been fair to anyone. I couldn't continue to feed the illusion of a wedding nor follow through with a marriage when we both knew my heart wasn't in it. I was at that cusp… of almost going with Lucas and making a terrible mistake. But it wasn't fair to him… we both knew it, and he did say he felt something was missing. I so hope he finds his big love. He deserves it," Elizabeth said, her eyes glossy with tears.

Nathan's heart leapt in his chest. Did that mean she had found her big love? He wanted to profess she was most certainly his, but there was still the matter of one last question he had to ask.

"'Lizbeth… if the opportunity to run for governor hadn't arisen, and you hadn't been presented with the possibility of having to leave Hope Valley, would you have still married Lucas?" Nathan asked, sadness evident in his voice, fully knowing what her answer would be. He knew her that well, but he needed to hear it from her.

"Nathan," her voice broke, "as much as it pains me to say it, yes. Most likely I would have followed through." She took a deep breath as she was almost on the verge of tears. This had been the question she'd been dreading, but she had to be truthful in her answer. She owed it to Nathan, as well as herself. "You said that things happen the way they must happen. The turn of events forced us to listen to our hearts and helped us act accordingly. It was the Lord's perfect plan. The water diversion, the governor's corruption, Lucas running against him to save Hope Valley… all that had to happen for Lucas to find his calling, and I had to be part of that process. Not only for him, but it seems circumstances had to run parallel for me to understand that was not my path. My path has always led me to you. It just took five years for my heart to heal and to admit that you are the love of my life. You, Nathan Grant, are, irrevocably so, my big love."

Nathan had dreamt countless times of Elizabeth confessing her true feelings. But in his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined she'd say he was the love of her life. He thought hearing her say she was in love with him would be enough. But this, this was everything.

"Please say something," Elizabeth said in a small voice. His silence was making her imagine all sorts of scenarios that were tying her stomach in knots. "I can understand if you don't want me anymore. I know I don't deserve you."

Nathan stood and deftly pulled Elizabeth into his arms. Smoothing her hair, he tenderly kissed her forehead, his lips blazing a path down her temple toward her cheek. The need to cover her lips with his was unbearable, and he finally did. His gentleness was thwarted by Elizabeth's surprised, yet eager response. She sank into his kiss so deeply and so completely, he felt he had traced a direct path to heaven. Elizabeth's hands found their way from his arms to his shoulders, to the back of his neck, where they buried into his hair, whipping their already torrid emotions into a turbulent frenzy. Nathan pulled back just a few inches so he could touch her chin and tilt her face upwards. His gaze boring deeply into hers he asked, "What does that tell you?"

Elizabeth hugged him tightly, her cheek against his chest, feeling his thundering heartbeat.

"'Lizbeth, there's nothing you could ever say or do that could change what I feel for you. I've always wanted you. I've always loved you. Even when I couldn't have you, my heart still beat for you. I resigned myself to having you as a friend and to protect you and little Jack from afar. I am so in love with you, Elizabeth Thornton. Now that I know you love me as I love you, I am not letting go. Ever."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. It was true. There was freedom on the other side of fear. She smiled brilliantly. "I love you, with everything I am. I will strive every day to deserve the love of a man such as you."

They held each other quietly for a spell, enjoying their newfound peace. It would be very easy to get used to this, they couldn't help but think.

"Nathan… what time is it?" They had been so caught up in each other that time had been the least of their worries.

"It's well past midnight," he answered, surprise evident in his tone.

"What?" Elizabeth couldn't believe how time had flown. "Allie! Jack!"

"She did say to not hurry back. We followed orders." Nathan had a hard time trying not to laugh.

"Nathan! We must go back and check in on them. Oh, I hope they're alright. I've never left Allie with Jack so late!"

"I'm sure they're fine. Bad news travels fast."

Elizabeth punched him in the shoulder. "Be that as it may, we've been secluded in this spot. If somebody wanted to find us it would've been difficult! Come! Let's go!" She took Nathan's hand and they practically sprinted back to the rowhouses.

As they got closer to Elizabeth's home, she was relieved to hear silence. She hoped that meant they were asleep. Quietly opening the door, they stepped inside. Both Allie and little Jack were asleep on the sofa. Jack was curled against her, his head on her shoulder. It was the most idyllic portrait of a little brother and his big sister.

Elizabeth swallowed convulsively, this time around, the tears flowing freely down her face. She looked at Nathan and he understood her tears for what they were: happiness over the future that was right in front of them.

A/N: This was a difficult one to write. I hope I did the conversation justice, since I know most TN is anxiously awaiting something like this!