Bella woke to the sound of a tiny gasp and looked up to find Jamie standing in the bedroom doorway. Groggily, she wiped her palms over her eyes as she tried to focus.
Damn. Slept with my contacts in again. It was a poor decision after crying so much the night before, and she assumed her eyes were likely bloodshot. They itched like mad. Luckily, her glasses, eyedrops, and contact solution case were in her purse…wherever that was.
Jamie glanced toward his sleeping father and whisper-yelled, "You stayed?"
Paul grunted, instantly awake as he turned over to look at Jamie. "Yeah, buddy. She stayed. Come on."
Jamie charged toward them and giggled as Paul effortlessly lifted him over himself, then deposited him between himself and Bella.
Lightly tickling his side, Paul asked, "What are you doing up so early, kid? Huh?"
Jamie giggled and pointed at the sun beaming through the cracks in the window blinds. "The sky's awake!"
Paul snorted as he looked at Bella. "Emily's kids got him hooked on Frozen."
Bella shrugged. "I've never watched it."
"Lucky you," Paul said, laughing as he playfully shook a giggling Jamie between them. "I could recite it. But we like Sven, don't we, buddy? Sven is a reindeer."
Bella grinned as Jamie nodded emphatically.
"And the store guy." He raised his voice to a higher pitch and said, "Yoohoo. Big Summer Blow-out."
Paul cackled as he lifted Jamie again and held him high above him, playfully tussling him around. When Jamie's belly rumbled, Paul froze, feigning shock, his eyes wide as he asked, "Holy crap! Are you starving, buddy?"
Jamie laughed as he nodded, and Paul sat, placing Jamie on his lap. "We better go get you some breakfast, huh?"
Bella sat up. There was no way she was going back to sleep now. "Do you guys want me to make you breakfast?"
"Yeah!" Jamie said as Paul said, "Nah."
Jamie huffed. "Dad."
Paul said, "We can have something simple, okay? Like cereal? Bella is going to the store this morning, then coming back here to cook a big lunch. We're gonna have lots of company today."
Jamie's brow furrowed in confusion as he asked, "We are ?"
Bella giggled, and he immediately reached for her. She crawled to the side of the bed beside Paul and let Jamie climb into her lap.
He asked, "When are you goin' to Fourduh again?"
Paul smirked as he ruffled Jamie's already messy hair. "Florida, buddy."
"Thass what I said!"
Paul snorted and stood. "Bella, do you want some cereal and toast?"
"Sounds perfect," she said, grinning at Jamie.
As Paul left the room, Jamie watched him, waiting for his father to get far enough away. He turned his now-serious little face toward Bella and patted her arm before whispering, "I had a bad dream."
"I heard. That's awful," Bella said, and he nodded. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
His little face squished into a scowl as he shook his head no. "I had two dreams."
"Were they both bad dreams?"
"No. Thass the same one."
She wasn't following. Was the second dream a nightmare or the first one? Was he saying he dreamed the same dream twice? Bella asked, "You dreamed it before?"
Jamie nodded. "A lady. She talks a lot."
"You don't know her?"
He shrugged, looking very much like Paul at that moment. It amazed her he could somehow embody all three of his parents simultaneously.
"Does she always say the same things?"
"No." Suddenly, he fixed his big gray eyes on hers, looking incredibly vulnerable. "Can you be my mama 'til you go to Fourduh?"
Bella froze, forgetting to breathe as she heard a clatter coming from the kitchen, and knew Paul had heard Jamie's question, too. Her head spun as she panicked slightly, wondering how to answer. Perhaps it wouldn't be so terrible if it were temporary. Then again, it might make things worse when she left. If she left. And if she stayed, it would be cruel to refuse permanence to the title once established. She took a slow, calming breath, at a loss for words. Bella looked up as Paul rounded the corner, looking slightly panicked.
Carefully, he said, "Jamie, go eat, buddy. It's on the table. I need to talk to your 'stedmother' for a second."
"Dad!" Jamie frowned up at his father. "We was talking!"
Paul raised one stern eyebrow at his son, and Jamie turned toward Bella, wearing an "Uh-oh " expression. She snorted as she tried not to laugh. He hopped down from her lap, darted under Paul's arm, and raced toward the kitchen.
Paul watched him run away with a sigh. "I didn't put him up to that. I just want you to know."
"I never thought you did." She shook her head. "But I don't know how to answer him. Paul…"
Still staring down the hallway, he interrupted, "You're damned if ya do, and you're damned if ya don't, right?"
"Something like that."
He chuckled bitterly. "That's parenting, babe. Every day, I gotta make the right decisions for this kid. It's not always easy."
Bella silently willed him to look at her, to physically see how torn she felt. "I already love Jamie, Paul. I don't want him to just be someone else I hurt."
Paul finally turned to look at her, his heartache plain as day on his face as he said, "Then stay. Breakfast is on the table when you're ready." He walked back toward the kitchen, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Bella went to the bathroom and dressed before meeting them in the kitchen, still struggling to answer Jamie's request. Her hair was a wild mess after going to bed without brushing it, and she had to ask Paul if he knew where her purse was as she sat down at the table.
He chuckled, nodding. "Pretty sure you left it in the truck. I'll run out and check. Do you make it a habit of losing your purse?"
"No, actually. Never." She laughed as she reached for the milk to pour over her cereal. "I'm not used to being unaware of myself or my belongings. That only seems to happen when you're around."
He snorted and pushed his chair back to stand. "That toast is cold by now."
"It's fine." She grinned, dunking a corner of the cold, buttered toast in her cereal.
They both laughed at the curious look on Jamie's face as he watched her bite into the toast. He immediately picked up his own toast and copied her. He frowned as he took a bite, but his eyes lit up a second later as he mumbled, "Thass good!"
"Oh my God," Paul said dramatically, shaking his head as he left to check the truck for her purse.
As soon as he was outside, Jamie asked, "You think 'bout it?"
Bella nearly choked on her toast. After swallowing, she asked, "About your question?"
"Yeah. Dad says you was prolly thinkin' 'bout it."
"Well, he was right," she admitted, nodding. "Let me ask you something, Jamie. I'll only be here for a few more days. Why do you want to call me Mama?"
Without skipping a beat, he grinned and answered, "I never had one. Ever-buddy else gots a mama."
Her heart nearly broke over the smile on his innocent face. His little heart was so pure, so simple and whole. And Paul had done that for him. Paul was everything a father should be. But Jamie wanted a mother … even if only for a few days of playing pretend.
"So, you want to pretend I'm your Mama for a few days?"
He grinned and nodded as he took another bite of soggy toast. Bella did her best to smile at him, though she blinked back tears. She hid her mild distress by fetching a paper towel to wipe up the milk his toast was dripping on the table.
She looked up as Paul walked back into the house carrying her purse and set it down on the table beside her. The expression on his face told her he'd heard the conversation.
He faked a smile for her and said, "Your phone is beeping like crazy." As if on cue, her phone chirped.
"Shit." Bella glanced back at Jamie and blushed. "Sorry, buddy. I gotta stop saying those bad words around you, huh?"
He giggled as she dug her phone out to check her messages.
Bella quickly finished her breakfast and offered to clean up, but Paul waved her off as he nodded toward the front window where Leah had just pulled into the drive. Bella rushed back to the bathroom to put her hair up in a ponytail before removing her contacts and putting on her glasses.
She found her shoes by the front door, confident Paul had put them there for her and slipped into them. She had been barefoot since going to the beach the night before.
Note to self. Buy some sensible fucking shoes. And lotion.
Bella went into the kitchen to fetch her purse and quietly peeked into some cupboards, finding his pantry rather bare. She seriously contemplated insisting on paying him alimony if they followed through with the divorce. She needed to tell him about the lawyer.
"I'll see you guys soon, huh? Is there anything you need while I'm out?"
Paul looked over his shoulder from where he stood at the sink and grinned. "Not that I can think of." She frowned in disbelief, and he laughed.
"Any food allergies I should know about?"
"Nope, but I will warn you. If you're thinking about anything for Jamie, no C-A-N-D-Y. He gets too damn hyper, and he'll drive everyone nuts all day."
"What about cupcakes?"
"No buttercream." He chuckled.
"Why? Does he hate it?"
"No. I do." He winked at her as she scoffed, laughing.
"Chocolate, Vanilla, or flavored cupcakes? Carrot? Strawberry? Pineapple upside-down cupcakes? Cherry Chip? What do you want?"
His entire face lit up with a happy, child-like eagerness as he asked, "Seriously?"
How could one person make you love them, want to nurture them, infuriate you, want to dump a bottle of wine on their head, turn you on, and break your heart all in the same twenty-four hours? How did people survive loving another person so much?
How was she supposed to keep living without it?
Bella shrugged, grinning at her husband. "They won't take long. I can assemble the lasagnas while they bake."
Paul grinned as he dried his hands off on a dishtowel. "Surprise me."
"Okay, then." Bella walked over and kissed him, only to be interrupted by Leah blaring the horn. She pulled away from him, laughing.
As she headed for the door, Jamie stood on the couch and puckered his lips at her. Bella teased, "Oh, you want one too, huh?"
He nodded as he tried to keep his lips puckered and laugh simultaneously. Bella bent toward him and turned her cheek to him before kissing his cheek in return. "I'll see you both soon."
"Be careful," Paul said as he sat at the table with a fresh cup of coffee, then laughed as Leah hit the horn again. Through the window, Bella could see people staring from across the street.
Bella took one more long glance at Jamie and then Paul before heading out the door, hollering, "Hold your damn horses! I'm coming!"