Cloacajack

by mathspook777

Applejack has a cloaca. An enormous, supernatural cloaca that fits just about anything. You can even sleep in it (the bed is near the library). This anthology resembles comedy. But no matter how low your expectations are, you will be disappointed. The stories are more dumb, gross, and juvenile than you could possibly imagine. You will want to stop reading, but it will be too late.

10. Infection

Applejack trotted down the road to Ponyville Hospital. Her cloaca was itching again. She wanted to stop on the side of the road and scratch, but she knew better. It was sore and red, and it had itched badly all week. Last night, she had realized it had an odor, and she knew then she had to see a doctor.

At the hospital, Applejack filled out a stack of forms. She waited anxiously, trying to politely soothe her itch by crossing and uncrossing her hind legs. When Nurse Redheart called her name, Applejack nearly ran into the examination room.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Doctor Horse.

"It's my cloaca," said Applejack. "Been itchin' bad all week."

"Let me have a look." Applejack raised her tail. Doctor Horse peered at it and sniffed. "It smells like, hmm, I'd say cherries."

Applejack blushed. "Yeah. Guess it does."

"Did something happen that you need to tell me?"

"It's kinda embarrassin'. You see, Ah was in Dodge Junction last week. And Ah met up with a mare Ah know, Cherry Jubilee. And we, you see, uh, well—we kinda hugged a little. It was entirely consensual."

Doctor Horse nodded. "No need to be ashamed. Lots of ponies have ended up in your situation. You have an affectionately transmitted infection."

"A what now?"

"They're caught by unprotected snuggling and cuddling. You got it when you hugged your friend."

Applejack wriggled her legs again. "But why do Ah itch so much?"

"Because she's growing on you. Literally. And it's irritating your cloaca."

"So how do Ah stop it?"

"Well, you could get in a fight with her. But it takes a while before you feel better, and the infection could come back if you make up later. The only quick way is surgically. But, fair warning, it hurts."

Applejack closed her eyes. "Ah'm ready."

Doctor Horse grabbed a shovel and stepped into Applejack's cloaca. Inside, a forest of cherry tree saplings was beginning to grow. He set the shovel next to a sapling and began to dig.

When Doctor Horse left Applejack's cloaca, he took the cherry tree saplings with him. He told Applejack, "They're yours if you like. You can plant them."

Applejack considered the saplings. They had itched, but they were also a part of Cherry Jubilee. "Yeah," she said. "Ah think Ah'd like to try that."