Cloacajack

by mathspook777

Applejack has a cloaca. An enormous, supernatural cloaca that fits just about anything. You can even sleep in it (the bed is near the library). This anthology resembles comedy. But no matter how low your expectations are, you will be disappointed. The stories are more dumb, gross, and juvenile than you could possibly imagine. You will want to stop reading, but it will be too late.

11. Ingredients

"So what do we do at the family reunion, Applejack?" said Pinkie Pie.

"Mostly it's 'bout catchin' up with your folks. Well, this one is. Let's be glad you weren't there for the last reunion. But first we got a friendly competition to win, an' we're gonna do it together."

"Sounds like fun! But what do we do?"

Applejack smirked. "Ah'm gonna leave that as a surprise."

Braeburn spoke into a megaphone. "Okay, all you Apples. Ah done marked the field already. Line up an' get goin'! Y'all know how to play."

Pinkie Pie raised her hand. "I don't even know what game we're supposed to be playing!"

"And here Ah thought you was an Apple," Braeburn teased. "Don' worry, you'll love it."

Applejack explained, "You stand on this line an' Ah stand on the other one. You're gonna toss apples to me, an' Ah'm gonna catch 'em."

"That's it? We're playing catch?" said Pinkie Pie.

Applejack trotted to the other line. "Fun part is how we catch 'em," she said. "We call the game 'applehole.'"

Pinkie Pie looked up and down the field. Ponies on her line were already tossing apples. Ponies on the other line were catching them with their buttocks.

"So why's it called 'applehole'?"

"'Cause you ain't allowed to put down the apples after you catch 'em," said Applejack, "so the best strategy is to catch 'em in your hole. It's 'cause of my cloaca that Ah'm so good at it."

Pinkie Pie picked up an apple from a basket on the ground and tossed it. Applejack, looking over her shoulder, angled her rump towards the sky, and the apple landed right in her cloaca. Pinkie Pie tossed another. Applejack took a step forward, and with a small pop, another apple went into her cloaca. Pinkie tossed apple after apple, as fast as she could, and Applejack's cloaca caught every one.

"Now it's your turn," said Applejack, reaching into a basket of apples on the ground next to her.

"Which hole should I use?"

"Well, stallions only have the one, an' Braeburn's awful good. He stretches, though."

"What a coincidence! So do I!" Pinkie Pie pointed her rump at Applejack. "Ready!"

Pinkie Pie turned out to be a natural at applehole. Applejack had a good arm, but even when the apple went askew, Pinkie caught it every time.

When Applejack and Pinkie Pie had finished throwing all the apples in their baskets, they went to the judging station. They released all the apples they were holding inside themselves, and Braeburn counted.

"Fifty apples!" he exclaimed. "Did you really catch every single one? Pinkie, Ah got to apologize to you now. Only a real Apple could do somethin' like that."

"It's no problem," Pinkie Pie said. "But what do we do with all the apples we caught?"

"Ah guess you're still new here," Braeburn said. "So you're in for a delicious surprise! You've just started on the most flavorful apple pie you'll ever eat!"