reference to sexual assault!
Underage prostitution! (depending on where you're from)
Suicide ideation!
Flashbacks to water torture!
Hallucinations! Okay. I did it. And I promised I would stop changing the whole chapter last minute and giving my poor beta a heart attack. Speaking of which, I have to thank them (Anastacius_Arklov) for looking into this over so short-notice. Seriously, thanks for putting up with my antics. I wanted to write more but that would be too much for this chapter, but we are getting to my favorite part soon! I can't wait for the end of my next chapter. It's gonna be *so* awkward. Anyway, enjoy and tell me what you think because its fun to hear what people think of it!
The moment they reached the hotel Artemis realised he should probably use a local accent, the last thing he needed was to be identified as a pale Irish boy with hetero-chrome eyes. Benny gave him an amused look as he reproduced a perfect facsimile of Benny's accent.
Artemis shrugged, "I don't want to be memorable."
"Whatever you say, Chere."
Something occurred to him, "Sorry, I only booked one room with two beds, I can go back and…" He hadn't wanted to sleep unguarded, so he hadn't even thought-
"It's good Chere, it'd be a little weird to sleep without someone else there after this long," Benny admitted.
Artemis relaxed and they made their way to the room, Artemis unlocked it with a jingle of keys. Benny left for the bathroom immediately, in desperate need of a shower. He showered after, flecks of dirt and sweat washing down the drain.
He changed into a pair of boxers and a loose T-shirt and walked back into the room.
Benny frowned, "Kid, your neck."
Artemis cursed under his breath, his neck was bruised from a few nights prior, "It's nothing."
A thoughtful look passed over his friend's face, "Alright. You can tell me anything if you want to, you know that don't you?"
Artemis smiled, "I do."
Benny hummed to himself in satisfaction and climbed into bed, "It's odd being here. I almost miss Purgatory for some god-forsaken reason."
"I know what you mean. Curious." He remarked, getting into bed and lying on his side. The bed was too soft, as usual. After half an hour he sat up, got out of bed, and cocooned himself on a blanket on the floor. Benny didn't say anything.
Artemis woke when it was still dark, jolted by a car zipping by the building. Benny was still asleep.
And then, a nasal voice from his nightmares sounded, "Old habits die hard, huh kiddo?"
He jumped, sitting bolt upright, eyes widening with horror to see Alastair, leaning on the wall arms crossed, yellow snake eyes watching.
Benny woke when he gasped, looking around frantically, "What is it?" He asked. Benny was looking straight past Alastair.
"Did you not-?" Artemis cut himself off.
Benny, still bewildered, didn't see Alastair standing in front of him, "What's wrong Artemis?"
Artemis settled back, his nerves fraying , "Nothing, never mind, I think I was startled by a car."
Benny frowned but settled back too.
Alastair suddenly blipped out of existence and appeared closer, "Oh my, it seems you're losing your mind, it was bound to happen eventually."
Alastair was exactly how he'd been in Hell, which didn't fit, he would need an earthly vessel to come here. And Alastair couldn't just… apparate from place to place, he could fly in his pure form, a yellow streak of light. Artemis was… hallucinating.
Not only that, but he was hallucinating for extended periods in image and audio. It was almost unheard of. It could be indicative of schizophrenia or god forbid a urinary tract infection. It wasn't a commonly known fact, but a large portion of hallucinations were caused by UTIs.
This version of Alastair pouted, "Oh darling, don't sulk. Surely the fun part of hallucination is the scintillating conversation."
Artemis turned over, ignoring the mirage, shutting his eyes tight.
Several restless minutes passed before his hallucination of Alastair started talking again, "Don't ignore me. I'm bored." He said it like it was a great injustice.
Artemis ignored him. It was at this point that Alastair started singing a song Artemis had once heard, 'I want it that way', out of tune and out of time. Artemis was sure it was on purpose.
"You are my fire~" Came a nasal tone.
Muttering, Artemis got up and got changed.
"My one desire~"
When Benny asked, "What are you doing Chere?"
"Believe when I say~"
He said, "Can't sleep, I'm going out."
"I want it that way~"
"Do you want me to come with you?" Benny asked slowly.
"Tell me why~!"
Artemis hadn't heard what he said, too distracted by the singing, "Sorry, what?"
Benny said it slower this time, "Do you want me to come with you?"
Artemis shook his head, already formulating a plan, "No, I just need to think." He stepped out and shut the door before Benny could respond.
The air cool outside in the open-air walkway, he stomped down the wooden stairs of the raised platform.
"Ooh, where are we going?" Not-Alastair asked.
"What are you?" Artemis asked.
"A hallucination kiddo, you're losing your mind~" The demon practically sang.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, "How do you even know that?"
Not-Alastair shrugged, "I'm not sure actually; you could write a paper on that. 'My hallucinations and me.' It sounds like something that Dr Argon would do, dosen't it?"
Artemis didn't answer.
Artemis hurried off into the night, it was perhaps one of his least healthy coping mechanisms, but he knew any kind of pain would calm him down, stop thinking so much. Another bar, another dingy bar. He drank this time because it was too much and because a guy had bought him one.
Not-Alastair (Artemis had decided to start calling him 'Stair' to stop the confusion) had watched with amusement.
The man was getting handsy, it made him feel uneasy and that, well, that made him feel present. It even made him feel wanted to some extent. Wasn't that just repulsive? Self-disgust curdled in his gut.
'Stair' was sitting at the bar next to him, "Now this is good. You escape Hell and here you are, voluntarily letting yourself be used. What is it? Low self-esteem? Daddy issues? Self-Hatred?" He smirked, "I'm just kidding, I'm in your head. I know it's 'all of the above'."
Artemis tried to ignore him.
Benny didn't like to think of himself as a nosy man, but Artemis had been… off since he got back. Something in the kid's expression told him Artemis was in distress, a lot of distress.
He slipped into his clothes and stepped outside five minutes later. He could smell Artemis's trail. Sounds of music and drinking drifted to his ears. He approached a type of tavern, a what was that word? A bar.
With the room this close he could hear the blood in their veins, their conversations. He tried to sort through the voices,
"The thing about carburetors is-"
"And that's when the chicken said-"
"It's the economy man-"
"After what happened in season one, this better be good."
"Load of baby snakes escaped, my husband is not happy. Well– he's terrified."
Then he latched onto a voice, Artemis's voice, "For head? Forty." A pause, "No… I don't do that." Another longer pause, "I… okay. Fine."
Benny paused. He didn't judge, he was quite resolute about that, and everyone worked. But…. The kid wasn't in a good place, and well; he was a kid. The snippets of conversation he had heard sounded coercive. He waited there, listening.
Artemis stumbled out half an hour later with an older man. A much older man, almost thirty. Artemis didn't seem sober. The man dragged him behind the building by the arm roughly. Benny set off after them in time to see.
The man was undoing Artemis's trousers and the boy pushed against the man's chest, saying, "No, we can't do that out here. Slow down-"
The man didn't pay any mind, slamming the kid against the wall, "Shut the fuck up. I'm not asking for much sweetie.""
He'd heard enough, anger furling in his veins, in a second, he was behind the man, shoving him away. He punched the man and he dropped with a crunch.
The man scrambled to his feet, "What the fuck man?"
Benny's expression was hard, "I saw what happened. Leave him alone or I will kill you."
The man staggered back and scuttled into the night with some speed.
Benny turned to Artemis who was doing up his pants, a bit shaken up. Artemis glanced at him, "You didn't need to do that, he was just being a little rough."
Benny stammered, "A little- Artemis that's not… he shouldn't rough you up at all."
Artemis looked down, silent.
"Come on." He said gently.
"Shut up." Artemis muttered under his breath, "Shut up, shut up, shut up."
"What?" Benny asked.
Artemis shook his head, "Not you. Sorry."
Artemis fell into step with him. He said nothing for a long while. A long while.
When Benny thought he'd never speak, he started, eyes fixed on ahead, eyes unfocused, "I did awful things in Hell, and that was fine because awful things happened to me." He crossed his arms over his chest, "Alastair would hurt me and then I didn't have to think. I did this in Hell now and then. Sometimes they hurt me and that's… It stops me thinking. It's nice sometimes, the way they look at me like they want me." He shrugged.
Benny felt something in his chest wrench. He nodded to himself, it made sense. Horrible sense.
Artemis continued, "I just… I started seeing things tonight. The demon Alastair. I… started hallucinating and he wouldn't- he won't stop talking. So I…."
Benny breathed through the heavy emotions, "Oh… kid."
Artemis glanced up, coming to a stop, "Do you… You think I'm pathetic, don't you?" It sounded sharp and self-deprecating.
Benny shook his head, "Of course not chief. I've fought in wars, lived a long time and I know what pathetic looks like. It's small men exercising power over others, it's greed. But not this. Not you." He turned to Artemis, "Pain is human. You've been pushed past your limits, I couldn't ask for anything more than your best kid, and you're doing your best. This isn't good for you but… you're not bad because of that."
"You don't understand…I get like this Ben, I get fractured… I'm not well. You should go."
Benny squinted at him, "You're an alright guy, I like you, you're my friend, which I have told you twice already.This really isn't something I'd lose a friend over. Mainly because you didn't do anything wrong and none of this is your fault." He shrugged, "It's like you don't even listen to me. Kids these days. No respect for old folk."
He searched Benny's face for a moment before visibly relaxing. The kid nodded.
Satisfied with that, Benny resumed the short trip back to the motel.
Artemis was sitting on the bed and Benny came to sit next to him.
'Stair' lounged in the chair, "Made a bit of a scene, didn't we?" came the nasal mocking voice, "Got everyone up in the middle of the night because you're desperate for validation."
Artemis's eyes flickered over to him.
Benny looked over the spot by the chair, "Can you see him now, is he there?"
Artemis nodded.
"What's he saying?"
Artemis hugged his knees to his chest.
Not-Alastair laughed, "How did you convince this guy that you're worth caring about? Hey, remember that time you let a teenager bleed out in that basement? What a night."
He closed his eyes tight.
"Artemis." A voice coaxed, "Artemis, whatever it is, it's not true."
Stair cooed, "He's trying to be nice kiddo. Isn't that cute?"
He could smell the metallic and dampness of the basement then. Feel the way his arm had been clutched by the dying teenager.
His breaths were becoming short and choppy. Hands shaking, blood everywhere,
Stair's voice drifted across the room, "Remember how he begged for you to stop? Begged for help?"
He heard springs squeak as Benny sat next to him, cautiously curling an arm around him. Benny sighed, "We need to get you home. I'm a bit out of my depth here."
Artemis shook his head, "I can't go back Ben, not after-"
Benny shook his head, "You're going back home. Your friends think you're dead Artemis and… you ain't doing too good.."
Artemis shrugged, "Guess I'm not."
Benny flatly said, "Call them."
"No, I-"
Benny cut him off, "You need to call them. Soon."
Artemis sighed, "Do you ever wish that you'd be, like, knocked over by a car or crushed by a falling ceiling beam so you don't have to deal with everything?"
Benny was still hugging him, "I… haven't recently, no. That sounds serious."
"It's probably fine. Just mild suicide ideation." Artemis said. The arms around Artemis tightened and he winced.
Benny looked over, the kid had dropped straight off to sleep. He hadn't expected that. Something felt wrong, there was a certain electricity in the air.
Artemis smelt sulphur and heard screaming, those god-awful screams. He gasped and then it was gone. He was in a bed in a motel, because it had just been a dream-
"This isn't real either." Came a deep voice.
His head up to see the man standing in the dark. Why hadn't Benny woken up yet?
"I told you; this isn't real." The man said again. He wore a black suit under a trench coat. His eyes almost gleamed an unnatural blue.
"What does that mean? Who are you?" He asked, hand searching for the knife he kept under his pillow.
"You don't recognise me? I know this… vessel is new. We met on the eastern front in Hell. I sent you back to purgatory." Suddenly the sound of the beating of great wings filled the room, lightning illuminating the room but leaving shadows of two hulking wings on the wall.
His breath caught in his throat, "What do you want from me?"
"My name is Castiel. I am an angel of the lord."
"No shit." Artemis snorted, "I don't pick sides, I'm not getting involved in your war."
Castiel sat on the bed, "I pulled you out of Hell Artemis. I can throw you back in." He sounded almost pitying. "You met a man in Hell, Dean Winchester."
Artemis shrugged, "Yeah, I remember him. Vaguely. He seemed nice."
The mask Castiel used to intimidate slipped away, replaced with sincerity, "He is mentioned in our prophecies, 'the righteous man'. He went to hell to save a life of his own volition with no selfish intent. He is, however… unpredictable. Difficult to control."
Artemis didn't like the sound of any of this, "And what do you want from me?"
Castiel almost seemed sheepish, "He hasn't been receptive to any of our messengers thus far. He doesn't trust us."
"I wonder why," Artemis muttered.
Castiel glared, "Perhaps he will listen to reason if It comes from you."
"No." was his immediate reaction.
Castiel's expression turned dark, "It was not a question, it was a demand. If you value your soul and your family then I suggest you co-operate." He grabbed Artemis by the lapel, catching the knife thrust in his direction, "I can make you re-live things that made you scream, I could trap you in a loop of memories from which you would never wake."
Castiel let go of him and he fell back. Artemis didn't try to say anything clever this time.
Castiel continued like he had an ace up his sleeve, "Then, there's your condition to consider."
"My condition?" Artemis asked something prickling up his spine.
"Your soul was cracked in Hell, that's why your soul deteriorated. I was able to cleanse your system with angelic grace. Your memories of Hell and your pain will continue to feed into the darkness in your soul. The rate at which this process occurs will be accelerated by self-destructive behaviour I'm afraid." The angel let disgust crawl into his voice, "You will have to curb your…. vices."
A prickle of shame moved down his spine and was chased by anger, "Are you judging me? Seriously, you just threatened to throw someone into Hell, and I'm the immoral one?"
Castiel stopped at that. For a moment, then, "You will need continual access to grace, otherwise… your transformation into a demon will resume, and you won't care about anything anymore, least of all your family. And then there's the homicidal tendencies to worry about. Without continual treatment, you will become an abomination."
Artemis heard the implicit threat, do what we say or we'll cut off your supply. Well, fuck.
"We don't ask much from you, just submission, that shouldn't be hard for you though, should it? Just let go, stop thinking." The man said, but he was using that voice, in that rhythm that Alastair always did.
He felt his world start to spin, how did he know, how did he- "Stop it, get out of my head. I can't- just stop."
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be Artemis, if you refuse we will simply have to persuade you, and that's not something either of us want," Castiel said, still using that voice that was turning Artemis's thoughts to slurry.
Artemis tried to make his numb mind catch up to the conversation at hand, "You can go fuck yourself."
Castiel smiled, "We'll be in touch."
The last thing he heard was a flapping of wings, then he woke, blinking in the early morning light. On his bedside, was a bottle of glowing blue gas that moved like a liquid. He closed his eyes, then pocketed the grace. Artemis scrubbed a hand down his face, "Jesus Christ."
On a leash, again.
Benny was already dressed, looking over at him with concern, "You were talking in your sleep."
He jumped, the voice jolting him. "Hmm" Was the only response he could be bothered to give. Pulling on a fresh shirt and trousers, he glanced at Benny, "Breakfast?"
"Yeah, sounds good." Benny changed the tone of his voice, "Are you okay?" Report soldier.
"I'll tell you later. Now we eat." Artemis looked back at him again, "Do you want to shave? Or something…? I've got some razors in the bag over there." Changing the subject because he didn't want to be told what to do, very oppositional defiant of him.
Benny smiled, "Uppity punk. But, thank you, the castaway look never suited nobody."
Artemis grinned, "No. Nope, it does not."
Country music drifted through the diner, the floor tiled in red and black, a few people quietly sipping coffee in booths.
Artemis leaned forward, "Do you ever feel… cursed?"
Benny frowned, "Well, I was murdered, then turned into a vampire, and then murdered again... So, I guess so. Never really thought about it before."
"Hmmm."
"What's this about?"
Artemis sighed, "I had a dream."
"Yeah?"
"An angel told me to spy on someone."
"Okay?" Benny said, confused.
Artemis continued, "Also, apparently for some reason, I'll resume my slow descent into… well, being a demon if I don't get treatment."
"Okay…"
Artemis pulled a vial of swirling blue liquid gas out of his pocket, "I don't think it was just a dream."
Benny dropped his head down to the table, forehead resting on the laminate, "God Damn it."
Artemis winced,"Yeah. His name's Castiel."
Benny spoke directly into the table, "And he's only going to give you that stuff if you help him."
"Well, he hasn't asked me to do anything directly, yet. We have time." Artemis said.
It was then when the waiter nervously approached, "Uh, a latte and a flat white." eyeing Benny's head which took up most of the table
Benny lurched upwards, "That's us."
The waiter set the tray down and walked away. Benny started spooning sugar into his coffee, "That settles it. We are cursed."
Artemis grimaced.
"And do you know why? It's the cat, cats are bad luck. We fed it, now everything hates us!"
Artemis snorted, "Oh for god's sake. Not this again."
Benny snorted and took a sip of coffee, "You- uh, Your neck, the bruises. Were they from…?"
Artemis stopped, "Yeah, it was just some guy. He got a bit carried away."
Some emotion crossed Benny's face, "You mean he assaulted you?"
"You could put it that way, I suppose." Artemis said, cautiously. This was serious, and Alastair had never liked it when he disagreed on an important subject. A part of him recognised what he was doing, tip-toeing around authority figures. The other part felt comfortable sinking into these kind of behaviours.
Artemis looked up at Benny, "Can I tell you something?"
"Shoot."
Artemis leaned back, eyes fixing at a point over Benny's shoulder, "When I was growing up, I didn't get much affection. I can't remember if my father ever hugged me. My mother… she was always self occupied. And Butler was… he cared, more than the others, but still. That day, with the guy that did this," He gestured to the bruises on his neck, "I'd been on my own for… at least two weeks and I… I just wanted someone to touch me. I didn't really need money and I didn't want sex, I just…"
Benny sat back listening, eyes soft. He missed that, people listening. The older man slid along the circular booth until he was beside Artemis and wrapped an arm around Artemis, "I'm so sorry Artemis." his other hand came up to tangle in Artemis's hair.
Artemis breathed out, tension melting away, and he leaned into the hug. Apart from Alastair, he could count how many hugs he had received in his life, on one hand. He just felt so empty sometimes that it hurt. It would physically ache. Benny stroked his hair, arms tightly around Artemis, and something thawed in Artemis's chest.
When they broke apart, Benny looked at him, no pity, just warm, "Would you like me to do that more often? I've been trying to give you space, but.."
Artemis nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, if… if that's okay."
Benny slid an arm round his shoulder, "Of course it is. We're friends, remember? I saved your life, you saved my life? Plus, hugs are one of the four best things in life."
Artemis smiled, "What are the other three?"
"Good food, comfy beds and music. I am a man of simple tastes, tick at least two of those boxes and I'm happy."
Artemis laughed, not a dry cynical laugh, a sound of pure joy.
They were walking back.
"So?" Artemis started.
Benny tilted his head in question.
Artemis rolled his eyes, "We were going to hunt down your old nest and kill everyone. Are we still doing that?" It sounded like a trek, but if that was what Benny was going to do, he wouldn't allow him to do it alone.
Benny frowned, his tone not entirely serious, "I'm not being funny Artemis but I think you're a bit too cracked to handle that right now."
His hallucination of Alastair skipped next to them, "He means me."
"Say it like it is, why don't you?" Artemis said, the ghost of a smile tugging on his lip.
Benny shrugged, "Wasn't important anyway. I can do it another time."
"It is to you." Came Artemis's quiet voice.
Benny smiled, "Don't worry about that Chere. Anyway, when are you planning on calling your family?"
Stair sounded too eager, "Oooh, yes, when do I get to meet the parents? Do you think~" He started, "that they would hate you now, or that they always hated you?"
Artemis felt his resolve crumbled, he was so tired, "I- I can't right now. I can't."
Benny didn't sound exasperated, just patient, "What do you want to do then?"
He wrapped his arms around his waist, "I don't know. I'm sorry, I just don't know."
"Okay then." Benny wrapped an arm around him, "That's fine."
"Reminds me of Alastair. Everything does. Jesus Fuck." He said, because he couldn't keep all this shit in his head, there just wasn't the space.
Benny started to pull his arm away, but Artemis tugged on the arm there and Benny uneasily wrapped his arm back around the boy. Benny was looking at him, concern and confusion hiding in his expression. Artemis looked away, tucking his head into Benny's side.
Artemis almost seemed surprised when he said, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I keep getting these… thoughts, I shouldn't have, it's… I'm sorry."
A few long moments of silence trundled on, "Chere, I'm not saying I understand. But keep telling me things like that. I want to help."
Artemis nodded, knowing he didn't have the energy to do anything else. Keeping it all in his head was exhausting him.
Artemis was lying on his bed, trying to ignore 'Stair'. That was when the shower switched on, the sound of cascading water drifting through the thin wall.
Stair chuckled, "Remember this? Take a deep breath Sweetheart."
And suddenly he was somewhere else, arms and legs restrained, a cloth over his face, fighting for breath, Inhaling water in his desperation to breathe.
Then he was in his bed again, but the panic wouldn't leave and neither would the flashes of memory. He lay there, breathing too fast, coming in and out of memories.
He barely registered the shower shut off.
"Artemis? Hey, it's okay. You're alright."
A hand was on his shoulder and he flinched, but didn't pull away, Alastair didn't like it when he did that. His breath stuttered, "S-sorry."
Rather than Alastair's nasal tones, Benny answered him, "It's okay kid. You're alright."
Tears started to fall and Artemis hurriedly wiped them away, still breathing manically.
Benny sat there with him, giving steady reassurances. Eventually he asked Artemis, "What happened there? Is there anything I can do?"
Artemis curled in on himself, "It's the water. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't-" He buried his head into Benny's shoulder, muffled gasps slowing. He was in the room, he wasn't in Hell. And Alastair wasn't here-
"I am here, even if I'm all in your head." A nasal voice said.
Artemis's eyes darted to the demon, breath picking up again.
Benny continued to try and calm him down again, but it was too late, "Hey, Artemis, can you hear me? It's okay-"
Artemis let that fade away, eyes going blank, outwardly catatonic.
When Artemis became aware again, he was sat up against the wall, sitting on the bed, propped up against Benny's side. The man was stroking his hair. He felt safe and warm, and Benny smelt of sea salt and shirt was soft, and it was nice. He curled into the man's side more.
"You with me kiddo?" Benny asked.
Artemis nodded into his chest, snuggling into the comforting feel of broad muscle
Benny's voice was calm and friendly, "Good. D'you want me to stay here?"
He nodded again.
"Okay." Benny said. They stayed there until Artemis fell asleep, warm and safe.
It was odd to have Benny around. Having the approval of an authority figure that wasn't Alastair or his father was… nice. No, not an authority figure as such. Perhaps. More, a friend, or…
Butler had really tried the last few years, but he had been too cold when Artemis was growing up. So had even his mother, now that he thought about it.
It was also worrying that all those people were in the same box in his head.
He supposed it was better than what he'd been doing before, projecting his need for approval and validation onto the random men he sold sex to. Was it?
He could not believe he'd just thought that.
It hadn't taken much effort to use a library computer to hack into a bank and open an account with five thousand dollars in it. He'd start small, they'd never notice, he'd covered his tracks well and it was only a drop in the ocean.
Alastair had wondered off that morning, declaring him boring,
After that, he'd ordered a card, then bought a computer. Okay, so it was a little harder without access to the family funds, but he managed.
From there social security cards weren't that difficult to forge. Benny got a job to, in his words, 're-integrate'. On the first day, he came home to Artemis tapping away at the computer, legs crossed on his bed.
He glanced at Artemis, who was completely engrossed in his work, "What're you up to?"
"Research."
Benny sighed, "On?"
Artemis finally looked up, "The man Castiel asked me to spy on, Dean Winchester."
"And?"
Artemis laughed, "Twenty eight years old and he already has an entire FBI file dedicated to him. A charming narcissist according to the lead investigators. Dangerous and delusional are also words mentioned more than once."
Benny frowned, "Sounds like you shouldn't go anywhere near him then."
"It's fine, I've met him before." Artemis said, "He's quite nice."
"How's that?"
Artemis faltered slightly, "We uh… met in Hell."
Benny crossed his arms, "Uh-huh, and how exactly did you meet him?"
Artemis seemed to shrink in himself slightly, "I don't think that's important."
"And yet I'm still asking." Benny raised his eyebrow.
"He was an intern, he was helping Alastair with… when I first got there he was helping with… me." He didn't want to say it. Not outright. Because he liked Dean, and he didn't want to acknowledge it.
Benny sat next to him on the bed, "He hurt you?"
Artemis shrugged, "He's fine really. Towards the end of my captivity he got a bit… nasty with me, but it was fine after I stopped fighting them."
Benny breathed out slowly, "You really don't see the issue with this?"
"I know how it sounds-"
"Artemis, you don't get angry at anything these people for what they did to you. It's like you don't register it as… wrong."
Artemis looked down, "He didn't have a choice. And he's had a hard life."
Benny shook his head, "You shouldn't be finding excuses for him."
"They're not excuses-"
"It doesn't matter. You shouldn't- He's a fully grown man, you shouldn't feel like you have to even consider his feelings, it's not your job to look after him." Benny took a breath and the earnest desperation was softened by an undertone of humour. "If someone broke both your legs, you wouldn't think, 'they must be having a hard day'. You'd think 'shit, my legs are broken', then, 'fuck that guy'"
Artemis shrugged, "I… Yes, I suppose."
Benny deflated, and waited for something more than that.
He looked down again, "I still need to… I might as well catch up with him. It'll make it less weird later."
"This isn't a good idea, we'll find another way."
Artemis closed the lid of the computer in his lap, "Just… Can you help me? I don't want to do this alone."
"Okay kid. Okay."
Artemis crossed his arms, "And don't act unnecessarily aggressive."
Benny squinted at him, "I would never."
"Oh god. You're going to anyway."
Benny nodded, "Oh yeah."
It had taken a lot of work to figure out precisely nothing. The Winchesters were ghosts.
That was when he'd had an idea. An obvious idea. "Castiel?"
There was a swooping sound and suddenly he wasn't alone in the room. Castiel, in a suit, trench-coat, expression steely. He said nothing.
He cut straight to the chase, "Where's Dean?"
Castiel smiled, "Milwaukee, Wisconsin."
"Okay. Bye then." He said awkwardly, hoping that he could just flap away quickly.
Castiel did not flap away, "You're going to cooperate then?"
"We'll see." Artemis said.
Castiel's expression turned stormy, "You will."
"If I do," Artemis asked, "Will you protect my family?"
Castiel tilted his head, "It is not necessary. The British isles has an… alternative arrangement. Its borders are protected."
"By you?" Artemis asked
Castiel almost sounded offended, "No, we are not permitted entrance."
Artemis laughed, "Someone won't let you in?"
"There are," Castiel was definitely angry, "wards in place."
"You don't have jurisdiction, do you?" He mocked.
Castiel clenched his jaw, pulled him up from his chair, and slammed him against the wall, "I can handle you the same way your old master used to. I can hurt you. You will comply."
And then Castiel was gone with a whooshing sound. And he was left alone, breathing heavily, leaning against the wall.
Wisconsin.
It was a long drive to Wisconsin, and they were only on their first few hours. The car had been a new addition, and Artemis had disposed of the credit card he used to buy it. It was second hand, but it was nice.
That amount of money might be noticed by the bank. He was in the passenger seat, head resting against the window. The window was cold compared to the heated air in the car. The world was dark outside, a small sliver of the moon visible.
He'd fallen asleep once in the back and then woken up screaming. He'd been sitting in the front for an hour, trying not to fall asleep again.
Benny spoke up, "We need to talk about this."
"Yeah?" Artemis said, no inflection on the words
"Yeah." The steady hum of the car filled the silence, "Look, I think you're going too fast. A few days ago you were- You were almost raped in an ally."
Artemis started, "That wasn't- it wasn't that. He was pushy, sure but…."
Not-Alastair snickered in the back, "I mean, you were asking for it kiddo."
Benny stared ahead, calm, "You're just too used to it. To all of it, to pain, to people using you."
Artemis didn't have anything to say to that.
"How old are you?"
Artemis shrugged, "Including Hell, Twenty seven."
"Yeah, no offence, I'm not gonna count years of you being tortured in Hell as growing up. Excluding that, how old are you?"
Artemis shrugged, shrinking into himself, "I should be sixteen by now." He hadn't thought about that for a while, his age. He hadn't thought about himself as a whole person in a while.
Benny looked at him pleadingly, "Artemis, a sixteen year old shouldn't be making excuses for people double your age, torturing you. That shouldn't be your first concern."
He sounded young when he spoke next. He hated it. "I don't know why I'm like this. I just don't know. Everything you're saying makes sense, but… I don't know what's wrong with me." He dug his fingernails into his palm, fighting down the wave of anger towards himself.
The older man said nothing for a good moment, "It ain't not your fault. You're too young for all this shit anyway."
"Hmm." Was all he said.
Benny took one hand off the steering wheel, and wrapped an arm around Artemis's shoulder and pulled him into his side. The seats were separate and something jabbed his side as he leaned into Benny but it was worth it, he relaxed somewhat, something in his chest feeling warm. He was okay. This was okay.
Meeting Dean
It took them four days to get to Wisconsin, using the bank account Artemis had opened. Now it was eight o'clock at night and he'd asked Benny to stay back, because now that he was here, everything was so much harder. It felt closer.
Dear god, it was cold here.
Another quick conversation with Castiel told him what motel they were staying at, hands stuffed in his pockets, air misting around him.
He was in the car park outside the motel wearing a black jacket and black cargos, blue eyes peeking out from the fringe he had developed. It didn't look bad, despite the fact he hadn't had a haircut in a month.
He knocked and tried his best to look casual.
The door opened and a young guy answered the door, floppy hair down to his shoulders and unusually tall, "Hi, can I help you?"
"Sam, right?" Artemis didn't really ask.
Sam squinted, "Sorry, do I know you?"
Artemis didn't answer because Dean hurriedly made his way to the door at that exact moment, pure shock emanating from him, "Artemis?"
"Hi." He smiled, "I thought I'd stop by."
Sam turned around to look at Dean, "Want to introduce me?"
"I-uh." Artemis saw Dean reach into his jacket surreptitiously. He pretended not to notice., "Yeah." That was when Artemis got a face full of, what was probably holy water. It tingles on his skin, that couldn't be good.
Artemis blinked, water dripping down his face, "I'm not a demon. Anymore."
The hunter glanced at the table and Artemis sighed, then said, "Oh, for-god-sake, run your tests so we can get this bit over with."
Dean took a silver knife out of a duffle-bag
Sam was pissed, "Dean who the fuck is this?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out." He made a cut in Artemis's arm. Artemis just stood there with a bored disinterest.
Dean looked up at him, with a dawning realisation, "It's actually you."
Artemis grimaced, condescending,"Yeah."
"You're not dead."
"I don't think so." It was clear cut sarcasm this time.
Sam cleared his throat, arms crossed.
"Uh, this is Artemis." Dean said shiftily, with a false air of confidence, "He's a friend of mine. He moved forward, past Sam and out of the door, "Sorry Sam, catch you later, we should catch up." He flashed a smile and led Artemis away into the car park.
"Dean- godamn it." Was all Artemis heard from Sam as they walked away, then the door slammed.
Once they were out of view Dean spun on him, and gripped his arm in a friendly gesture that evolved into a hug, "You have no idea how glad I am to see you."
Artemis initially flinched at the gesture, bracing for pain but then leaning into the hug, the other man a reassuring line of hard muscle, "It's good to see you too."
Dean pulled back, "How are you even here?"
"An angel tossed me out of Hell. Ended up back in Purgatory with a friend of mine, a vampire. We found our own way from there." Artemis's smile was strained, why did he want to cry?
Dean tilted his head, "Sure you can trust a vamp? It's not exactly human."
Artemis felt a real anger burning in his chest, "Dean, shut the fuck up."
Dean put his hands up placatingly, "Okay, got it, he's your fluffy vampire and he wouldn't hurt a fly."
He shook his head with a sinister grin, "Oh, I didn't say that."
"That is ominous; you know that?" Dean said.
Artemis inclined his head in a 'thank you' gesture.
Dean rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture, "Do you want to talk somewhere? Get a drink?"
"I'm sixteen. No, I don't want a drink." Well, except he did, he really wanted to be drunk right now.
Dean awkwardly looked to the side, "Yeah. Okay. O-kay. Yup." He clicked his tongue, "Cool, cool, cool."
"Are you… malfunctioning?"
Dean shrugged, discombobulated, "You're sixteen."
"I am."
Dean shook his head slightly, "Sorry, you just always acted older."
Artemis appraised him, "Is this what talking to you is going to be like from now on? Extraordinarily slow?"
"What- no- I was just- Never mind. There should be an all night cafe somewhere in this city." He took off, muttering to himself indignantly.
Artemis grinned at the immaturity.
The lights were yellow and the place was sparsely populated by teenagers tapping away at laptops.
They sat in the back. Dean had sobered slightly, his mood becoming more morose. At least that's what Artmeis thought, but he was never known for his 'people skills'. Artemis coulfn't look Dean in the eye, he kept remembering Hell. Dean cutting him with a scalpel, beating, burns. The ghost of blood cloyed air filled his mouth and he felt dizzy.
"When did you get out?" The older man asked.
"A few weeks ago." Artemis said, "You?"
Dean shrugged, "A few weeks ago."
Artemis tapped the table, at a loss. The man made him feel on edge. Too many memories.
Dean had locked him with a scrutinising stare, "And you came here?"
He suppressed a yes sir and instead said, "Obviously."
"You don't have any family to catch up with? What about your brothers?"
"My family are currently under the impression that I'm dead. I wouldn't mind keeping it that way for a little longer." Artemis tried to keep his voice flat.
Dean stared at him, "You're going to let them think you're dead?"
Artemis curled in on himself, "It's probably better that way. It's safer too."
"You're such a dick." Dean said, resigned.
Artemis wouldn't meet his eyes, "I can't deal with it right now, I just can't Dean. How do I even explain- I keep having these panics. I see it when I sleep, if I sleep, I just-. It's not an option right now."
Dean softened slightly, "Alright. Fair enough. I'm struggling enough with just Sam, I know that. He won't stop asking questions."
Artemis leant in, "Does he know?"
Dean's voice lowered, "I told him I don't remember Hell. Somehow, I don't think he believes me."
"Hmm." Artemis didn't know what to say to that.
Dean caught his eye, "Don't say anything to him. We met on a case, got it?"
Artemis leaned back, "Sir, yes sir." He said playfully, then crossed his arms "But he'll think this is weird."
"Yeah, well, it is pretty weird." Dean said.
That was when Artemis's coffee came, and Artemis and Dean went quiet as the waiter placed the cup down.
"Thank you." Artemis said, without smiling. He'd faked a smile one too many times today.
She smiled however, "Your welcome." and walked away.
Artemis took a breath "How have you been since…?"
Dean's posture sagged, "I've been having nightmares. Can't sleep without a bottle of whiskey anymore. What about you?"
Artemis shrugged, "Fine."
"Fine?" Dean asked incredulously.
"Yeah, fine."
Dean "I pour my heart and soul out and you're… fine?"
"You literally said two things." Artemis deadpanned.
Dean gestured in an, exactly, motion bringing his hands down, "Which is a lot for me."
Artemis shrugged, then considered the question. "What am I supposed to say?"
Dean shrugged, "I don't know; how you've been? It's not a test." He laughed, "Jesus, I'm starting to sound like Sam."
"Tired mostly."
Dean frowned, "Not been sleeping much?"
He shook his head, "No, it's not that." He took a moment to think, "I'm not used to feeling like a whole person." He wrapped his arms around his middle, "If I was doing something, its because Alastair wanted me to do it. If I was thinking about something, it would be about how he'd react to it. If I was feeling something, it was because he wanted me to feel that way."
Dean watched, quiet.
Artemis lowered his gaze to the table, "Now when I think about things, I have to think, how would that affect me? Not guess how Ali would react. I don't even know who I am anymore and I've got to decide what I want. It's exhausting. What should I do all day? what do I eat? What do I wear? What should I say?"
He looked up for some reaction. Dean waited a few moments, then said, "I get that. My Dad always told me to protect Sammy. Carry on the family business, hunting. I don't know if I even want to be doing this." It was a warm quiet moment, and Artemis found himself relaxing.
Artemis sipped his coffee, "What are your nightmares about?"
Dean glanced up at Artemis, like he knew something Artemis didn't. "The things I did in Hell, mostly. To other people."
Artemis nodded. In the back of his mind, he was quietly ashamed that most of what kept him up at night was his own torture. Because, he'd done things in Hell, terrible things. Artemis bounced his knee under the table. Alastair never liked that. "It wasn't your fault Dean, the entire system is set up that way. You never could have changed it."
Dean shrugged, "I shouldn't have broken so quickly."
Artemis blinked, "Thirty years Dean. That's incredible. I snapped after five, and by that I mean my mind snapped, you were still somehow intact."
Dean shook his head, "You were just a kid-"
Artemis interrupted him, "You can't hold yourself to higher standards than the rest of us. You didn't have a choice." It was funny being on the other end of a conversation like this. It was also odd, to hear what other people worried about, what bothered them about the same experience. With him, it was all about control and self worth. With Dean? All about guilt and the people he'd hurt.
Dean relented, "Maybe", a small smile creeping through his features, seeming more real than any of his dazzling grins, "So are you going to stick around?"
He cast a glance over, "I figured I would, is that…? Do you…?" He struggled to get the question out.
"Yeah, you can stay anytime." The older man said, and Artemis was glad for his flippance, "We're on a case right now, feel like helping?"
Artemis sighed, "That really is a relief because I've been wanting to die lately and I really need something to distract me. Wait, are you hunting a creature because its not human or…"
Dean blinked, "We're- uh, hunting down a shape-shifting serial home-invader slash rapist."
"Sounds fair." Artemis said, "What do you have so far?"
Dean looked like he was trying to hold in a smile, "If this were a heist movie, this is where the scene would cut. Then there'd be a montage with spy music."
Artemis rolled his eyes.
The walk back to the room was amiable and joking. Artemis couldn't say he'd behaved like that around many other people.
The motel room was carpeted, a small table in the corner, with horrible floral wallpaper and two beds.
Sam was sat on the table, eyes glancing up from his laptop.
Dean put a hand on Artemis's shoulder, "This is Artemis. We met on a case a few years ago, he'll be tagging along for this one."
Sam tilted his head, "People don't 'tag along' for cases. How old is he, even?" He glanced at Artemis, "No offence."
"None taken," Artemis said.
Dean glared at Artemis, "Thanks for the support, Art, really."
Artemis shugged, "Your welcome," and walked over to lean on the wall by the sidelines.
Sam eyed the way the two interacted and Dean just sighed, "He's capable and he knows about this shit."
"You know, how capable he is, isn't my main concern Dean." Sam ground his jaw, "It's that he is a child. What is he, twelve?"
"Sixteen." Artemis chipped in.
Sam almost smiled, "Sorry, sixteen years old."
"It's quite alright." Artemis said, amicable and still unconcerned.
If Dean had been open to any kind of conversation around this before, he had completely shut down, "Sam drop it. He won't be doing anything dangerous, now can we get him up to speed?"
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Okay then, you guys met on a case? What case?"
Artemis and Dean both answered at once,
"Vampires-"
"Banshee-"
Sam gave a look that Dean identified as bitchface #17. "And what was that earlier about Artemis not being a demon, anymore,"
Artemis let an easy smile wash over his features, "That was a joke"
"Doesn't seem like a normal joke." Sam pointed out.
"It was." Artemis lied.
Sam gave him an incredulous look, "Okay then, if that's what you're going with."
"It is." Artemis said.
Dean approached a wall, where a spider-web of crime scenes and suspects were pinned to the plaster. "We've had three home invasions and one murder. In each case the shapeshifter escaped and the original was arrested. There's been a bank robbery this week, it fits the pattern. We're gonna check out the crime scene tomorrow."
Artemis nodded, a bit bored, and more awkward, "Cool. How'd you figure it was a shapeshifter?"
Sam answered, "Cameras can pick up certain types of light. Shapshifters eyes glow white in footage. We think. Well, it's happened, like, twice, so… we're hoping the pattern holds."
Artemis doubtfully nodded, "Good. Solid."
Dean sat heavily on a bed, "It's all we've got."
The boy was very clearly trying to be nice about this, "So we go to the bank and…?"
"Have a look around." Dean finished lamely.
Artemis spoke, "Couldn't we just… hack them?"
Sam and Dean looked at eachother, and Sam said, "Well, we don't really know how to…" And Artemis realised he'd made a misstep, of course they might not know how to hack a bank.
Dean shrugged, "It's easier to walk through the front door."
Artemis inclined his head, "I suppose it wasn't ever an option for us. A teenage boy and a centaur walk into a bank; sounds like the beginning of a joke."
Sam was looking at him funny, "Centaurs aren't real."
Artemis grinned to himself, "Of course not. That would be silly. Shapeshifters in a bank though… perfectly normal."
Sam looked at Dean and Dean looked at Artemis. Trying to decide if he was joking.
Dean opened his mouth, then closed it, "Are you serious?"
Artemis shrugged, "Let's say I'm not." Artemis pushed away from the wall he was leaning on, "Okay, I'll meet you boys in the morning. When's the morning for you guys?"
Sam was still nonplussed, but decided to let it go, "uh, six thirty."
Artemis shook his head, "Change of plans, I'll meet you at the diner down the road at ten. Which is a reasonable time." He turned round, walking towards the door.
Sam spluttered, "You can't just reschedule-"
Dean interrupted his brother, "See you then. I needed to work on the car anyway."
Artemis turned, mock-saluted and stepped out into the night.
Benny looked up and stood as Artemis came in. He'd had some things to sort out. For instance, how to use these 'mobile phones', as Artemis called them. Baffling.
The kid seemed tired, shoulders slumped. They'd been driving all day and the kid had insisted on going straight to see Dean, exhausted as he was.
Artemis walked straight up to him and buried his head in Benny's chest.
"How'd it go?" He asked.
Artemis's tired voice sounded muffled, against his chest, "Good. We're going to a bank tomorrow. They think a murderous shape-shifter robbed it."
"And Dean?"
Artemis sighed, "I told you, he's nice. But… talking to him makes me feel weird. I… it makes me feel like I'm back there. Not in pain, just, in the break room or something. It does something to my head." The last few words were a broken whisper.
Benny carded his fingers through Artemis's hair, "Okay. You're okay now."
Artemis let himself relax into the man's hold for a minute before breaking away. He sat heavily on the bed and began to unlace his combat boots "He doesn't trust you." Artemis tugged the first boot off, it skidded into the wall,
"Oh?" Benny asked.
"He doesn't trust vampires. Or anything non-human."
Benny was really trying not to judge, "I see."
The second boot came flying off, leaving a scuff on the wall, "His father raised them like that."
Benny snorted, "That's generally how childhood works, Artemis. People aren't born bad, they learn it."
Artemis rolled his eyes, "I know, I know, it's not an excuse." Benny turned around as Artemis started getting changed. He heard Artemis speak behind him, "I didn't used to be like this, you know. Now I feel like I'm confused all the time, nothing's ever simple and I can never seem to get my head around what I should be feeling. It's like there's this fog around me."
Benny shrugged, retreating to his side of the room and getting changed, "Things are more complicated for you now. You went through something awful, you're tired; give yourself a break."
"Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I just hate it." Artemis said. The moment Artemis was changed he crawled into bed, "Good night Ben."
"Goodnight kid." Benny flicked the lights off and got into bed. The soft sound Artemis's snores drifted across the room a few minutes after and he smiled.
Hell
Alastair sat opposite Lilith, she liked to take the form of an american ten year-old girl for some reason. It added to the effect he supposed, as she rearranged your innards. She wore a little blue dress.
He sat on an office chair but she sat on a creaking swing, the rusted frame taking up a good third of the room.
Lilith was the picture of an apologetic child, "We regret to inform you so late Alastair but the other do insist you leave the boy alone. They need him for some of the… theatrics."
Alastair was so angry he was smiling, his neck cricking in that way, he rolled it to dispel the feeling, "He's mine Lilith. He's mine. I want him back."
Lilith pouted, "Now that isn't any way to treat your allies, is it? Didn't mommy ever teach you to share your toys? You can have him back when we're done playing, okay?" She really outdid herself with the creepy child performance. He could almost remember what fear felt like around her. Almost.
Alastair bit his tongue till blood started flowing, "Fine, for now. But I might visit."
Lilith smiled widely, "Okay, as long as you know how silly that is. Because if you disobey me, I'll just punish you forever. We wouldn't want you to do anything silly, would we?" she tilted her head cutely. "Keep it to visits Ali. That might even help unbalance him. Oh, this is going to be so much fun. Don't you think this is going to be fun?!"
"Fun for whom, exactly?" Alastair spat.
She put a finger to her lips, "Shh, can you hear that?" A great rumbling shook the corridors, "I think he heard you. This is his game, don't be so mean Ali, or he'll slice you~, and he'll dice you~, and he'll rip your soul apart." She giggled, "That would be silly."
Alastair looked below, disconcerted and left her office. He'd never liked this plan. He'd liked things as they were.
Author's Note
...So all the characters are making fine life choices. Benny has just decided to adopt Artemis as this point. *Trauma bonding*
Also, Artemis is just fully hallucinating in a very medically inaccurate way, (I am citing magic, because its magic soul... magic. yeah.)
He has *all* the Daddy issues now. Yay. Speedrun. I have given this boy a complex. But I also gave him hugs, so... I'm excited that Benny is gonna be all parental, he can't stop himself, partially because he has no idea how life works now now and also because of trauma bonding with Artemis.
Also Benny is like; ah yes Dean the guy who tortured you. We don't like this guy, right? Right?
I know I've been *checks watch* three months, but ADHD. Like, its fine but writing is hard. Not harder than most other things, mind you. Things are hard. Yeah I heard it too, get your mind out of the gutter!
Anyway, what do you guys think? Is Dean actually the worst? Do we kinda want Alastair to make a epic comeback? Just hugs from now on?
Like, I won't actually change the plot but I do wanna hear what you guys think, and I absolutely love feedback, like this chapter made me want this to happen or made me feel this.
No pressure! This is a chill pace for me, so it must be a chill space for you guys too, if you feel uncomfortable commenting, you don't have to.
*Hides under desk* I have vanished, you can't see me! *Crawls under desks to finish disappearance and waves arms spookily*
Take care of yourselves, its been a rough year.?￢ﾝﾤ️? ﾟﾤﾍ?
Songs to link at the end
Sometimes - Nick Lutsko
Mountain at My Gates - Foals
Power Over Me - Dermot Kennedy
Daylight - David Kushner
Mamma Mia - Austin Weber
The loneliest - Maneskin
Eat your young - Hozier
A good song never dies - Saint Motel
Novacaine - The unlikely candidates
Sleepwalk - Forrest Day
Bad day - Charlotte Sands
Partners in crime - Set it off
HOPE - NF