I woke up with my nose squished against something hard. That was strange enough, but it only confused me more when I lifted my head up and found myself sprawled out on the stairs.

I shifted my body and oriented myself so that I was simply sitting on one stair instead of being spread out on five. My hand came up to my eyes, wiping out a bunch of gunk that had built up.

Oh, this was definitely a new low. I couldn't remember the last time I had just zonked out in some random place in the house, let alone the damn staircase. And somehow, if the clock I could see peering from the kitchen was accurate, it was 10:05 am.

I didn't have a great memory of yesterday night… No, not night. It was only 5pm when I came inside the house. I slept seventeen hours? And on the stairs, no less. Incredible work, James. Just absolutely stellar. No one could do it better than you.

I gave my head a shake. My ruined sleep schedule aside, there was something more that puzzled me. Those thoughts, the ones that made me stop and sleep on the stairs, were silent. I couldn't hear them, or hardly even feel them. It didn't exactly fill me with glee though. It felt more like the sea had suddenly gone calm and pulled back. Fine for the time being until the tidal wave hit.

What was wrong with me?

I didn't get an answer to the question. The most I got was a low grumble from my stomach, which only made me sigh and walk to the kitchen.

I slid two slices of bread into the toaster and waited for them. Three minutes for them to be done, so just about 10:08 and…

Strange. Lex and Kyle should've been here by now. They always waited for the rock throwing to stop, which should've happened already. I peeked outside the kitchen and looked through the sliding door to the backyard. Just like I thought, they were nowhere in sight.

The toast popped up and I spread a quick smear of butter over both before eating. Simple, but it did its job.

Wiping my face of the last few crumbs, I walked to the sliding door and opened it up. A light draft of autumn air blew in. The rain had subsided for now, but the grey clouds above made it clear that it wouldn't be gone for long. The ground, while less boggy than yesterday, was still plenty muddy.

The bushes at the far end of the backyard shook. Lex came out of them with Kyle trailing behind her.

"You're late," I said as they approached.

"You're outside, that's more noteworthy," Lex replied.

"As if I wasn't outside for nearly all of yesterday."

"I mean you're voluntarily outside, dork."

I shrugged. "I'll give you that much."

Kyle stepped forward in front of Lex. "We were talking and got caught up in conversation. But why are you outside? I would have thought you would still be in your room."

"You guys didn't show up. I was starting to wonder if you got held up by something, glad it wasn't anything bad."

"Nothing nearly as bad as your hair," Lex said. "I mean, sheesh, how does it look worse than yesterday?"

I gave her a scowl but started to pat my hair down, hoping to subdue any renegade strands of hair that were sticking out. "Your fur wouldn't be in much better shape if you spent the night at the bo–" I cut myself off, but it was too late.

"What?" Kyle asked, tilting his head. "What happened?"

I clenched my hands. "It wasn't anything, I just said something without thinking."

"James…"

He had barely started looking at me and I could already feel my defenses being eaten away at. Lex didn't help much either, staring at me with her arms folded and knowing that what I had just said was simple bullshit.

"Okay, I…" I sighed and wiped my face. "I fell asleep at the bottom of the stairs. Just spent the entire night there, and some of the day too apparently."

Both of their faces filled with concern.

Lex spoke first. "The stairs? That's… uh… that's really not good, James."

"Don't need to tell me twice."

"I'm serious. No one just sleeps like that."

Kyle stepped closer to me. "Why were you even…" His eyes got wide. "Did you relapse?"

I thought back to the moment on the stairs. My memory felt fuzzy at that moment, but I could still remember those thoughts. Those twisted thoughts that had a vice grip on me. "I mean… I guess? Not sure if you can relapse without getting better first."

"B-But we were having fun! I thought that was the best you had felt in a while. You-You were smiling and were happy and I…"

I knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder. "Yesterday was fun, and I really liked playing with you guys. It wasn't your fault that it happened."

Kyle sniffled. He wasn't crying, but his ears were down and there was a clear sadness across his face. "But you still… Are you feeling any better now?"

"With the two of you here? Definitely." I flashed a smile. Kyle's expression lightened, if only slightly.

"What even happened after we left?" Lex asked, stepping up beside us.

I stood up. "I just went inside and… I don't know, I guess a switch flipped or something. My head started getting filled with nasty thoughts and it just spiraled out."

"Weird. You sure everything's sitting right in that head of yours? Maybe I'll have to knock it around a bit, see if I can't find that reset button," she said, grinning.

"Hah. Only if I get to do the same to you."

"Fat chance of that. Then again, maybe I'll get the opportunity when we do hide and seek."

"Wait," Kyle interjected. "Is that… a good idea? I know you feel better now but… if doing this last time caused you to hurt like that, I don't want it to happen again."

I thought for a moment. "We don't know for certain if it did or not. Yeah, it was a pretty good change of pace but still."

He looked up at me, a serious look in his eyes. "Do you really want to keep playing with us? We'll only do it if you want to. If not, then… I'm sure there will be something."

"Kyle, it's really not that big of a–"

"It is! I don't want you to hurt like that again. I want things to get better, not worse."

Whoa. I didn't expect Kyle to raise his voice like that; it was a rare occurrence from him. He was right though. If playing did cause all that and it happened again, what then? Go back to being a hermit?

Kyle closed his eyes and breathed out. As he spoke, his voice was back down to its usual levels. "I just… I want you to be safe… okay?"

It was worth thinking about. If I had to put a number on it, I was probably about seventy percent sure I was ready to go out and play with them again. I had fun with them, there was no denying that. But that remaining thirty percent seemed a lot bigger than it should be. Even if I did have fun again, what did it matter if it all came crashing down at the end of the day? Still… maybe it was worth doing it. Taking a break from the cycle, pushing myself out of the house, that was more good than bad. Even if things went back, maybe it would be different? Maybe that incident on the stairs was just my head's knee-jerk reaction to the shift. Now I was up to eighty percent sure.

Oh, what the hell. That was good enough for me.

"I think this change is good," I said, looking from Kyle to Lex. "I want to keep this up and see how things go from there."

"That sounds good to me," Lex said, stretching her arms over her head.

"Okay. As long as you're sure," Kyle said.

I nodded back to them. "If that's the case, then I'll be the seeker this time. Standard thirty second head start…" I gained a devilish grin, "...and I'm counting now."

Lex's eyes widened. "Oh, you jerk! I swear, I'll get you for…" Her voice trailed off as she disappeared into the woods with Kyle following her.

I snickered and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Whatever happened after this, I could worry about later. Until then, I had a game to play.

Alright. Time to admit it to yourself, James. You have no idea where they are.

I had to have been searching for at least an hour by now. It wasn't atypical, considering the scale of the forest and the fact they were smaller than me, but I was due for at least a sign of them.

I wasn't complaining. Far from it, actually. The natural ambience of the forest around me was incredibly calming and helped to block out the unsavory memories of yesterday. I suspected that it wouldn't last, however. The clouds above had turned a shade of dark gray and I had heard thunder far off in the distance.

It would likely only be one round today, and that was fine. Even getting outside for just a couple hours felt great compared to being cooped up.

Still, however much I wanted to fully relax myself in nature, I couldn't stop thinking about what Kyle had said.

"I know you feel better now, but… if doing this last time caused you to hurt like that, I don't want it to happen again."

Maybe the incident on the stairs was just a fluke. Or maybe there was something else. What could even cause something like that? I was no psychology student, and was thankful for it considering the horror stories I've heard of the classes, but there must have been something to trigger it. What could it have been though? I sincerely doubted the possibility of me stepping on the stairs was the thing to do it in.

There was another thing that was bothering me. Lex and Kyle seemed… off. Nothing completely out of the ordinary, just something felt different when I was with them. Lex was never one to linger on a subject, but today she was a little too hasty to move things along. Then again, with the weighty stuff we were talking about, I could understand why. And Kyle, he was on the complete opposite side, getting more invested in what was happening than me. But why did it matter that he was like that? He cared a lot. Lex did too, even if she didn't show it as much. So why was I even focusing on all this?

Ugh. I hardly even knew what I was talking about. How the hell could I expect to understand them when I didn't even understand myself?

I shook my head and kept up the search, stopping to look around the area and keeping an eye out for any small movements. Most of the time, it was just a starly flying or a bidoof scurrying along, but it would pay off in due time.

And just as I was about to move, there was a rustle of leaves. Just to the left of me was a large bush. Its leaves were dense on its surface, but a tiny notion of suspicion compelled me to look further.

I walked up to the bush and reached my hand inside of it. Leaves and branches dragged across my arm for a second or two, then thinned out rather quickly. There was space inside. A perfect place for hiding, and a nightmare for seeking. Just as I started pulling my hand out from it, I got my final piece of evidence with another subtle rustle.

Any other pokemon likely would've darted, or made some kind of annoyed sound when I stuck my hand in. I couldn't confirm it to be Lex or Kyle, but it was enough to take action.

I stepped back, took a breath, ran forward, and dived kamikaze-style into the bush. I went in…

...and Kyle and I tumbled out. We rolled two times and ended with my back on the ground and him laying half on me.

"Ow… If you knew I was here, you could have just said so," Kyle said, rubbing his head.

"I'm sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the moment, but I definitely wasn't thinking. Are you okay?" I reached over and patted his head.

"I am… To be honest, I'm more surprised than anything else. I didn't expect you to do that."

I snorted. "Well, hindsight is twenty-twenty, I'm not doing it again. If only foresight was the same."

Kyle got onto his knees and off my chest. "It was kind of funny though. I wonder what Lex would say about it if you did that to her."

I sat up. "Nothing great, I'd bet. Actually, she'd probably try to return the fa–"

Freak.

–vor." My body felt frozen. What the hell was that? I didn't think–

Look what you did.

You hurt him.

I put a hand to my head and shook it. What was happening? I… I didn't mean to hurt him. It was a mistake, and things are okay now, so–

That's all you do.

You hurt people.

"James? Are… you okay?" Kyle asked. I couldn't answer him, my mouth felt stuck.

You hurt Jenna. You hurt Kyle. You've even hurt Mom.

You remember the text message you saw.

"I don't want to spend my life with your freak son."

You hurt her by existing.

I stared at the ground as my hands trembling at my sides.

Pathetic.

Freak.

Why are you still here?

Why don't you–

In an instant, everything went quiet. It was too quick for any sense of relief to set in. I felt a furry warmth touching my arm and looking over, I saw Kyle's paw on it.

"James! Are you okay?" Kyle asked, bringing his face in front of mine. His eyes were wide and full of worry.

I took in deep breaths, calming myself of what just happened. "I'm… I'm not sure…" I raised my hand and rubbed my head. "It happened again. Fuck, it was just like… I don't know. It just came out of nowhere."

"I'm sorry, that shouldn't have…" He sighed. It almost looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Is… Is it better now?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's gone so…" My voice trailed off. I found myself looking past Kyle, down to where his other paw was.

The one that was holding his wand.

The wand that was glowing magenta.

Oh.

He must have noticed where I was looking because the wand's glow disappeared a second later.

"W-What did you say? James?" Kyle said. His voice was shaky.

If there was any trace of a smile on my face, it was gone now. I could feel my eyes getting watery, but no tears fell. I brushed Kyle's paw off my arm. "Go away…" I mumbled.

He placed his paw back. "I… don't understand… what do you–"

"I said go away!" I shoved his paw off, slightly pushing him back as I did.

I only caught a glimpse of his shocked face before I turned around and stood up. Tears still hadn't dropped yet, but they were extremely close. I hated to cry; it made me feel vulnerable.

"W-W-What do you mean?" I heard Kyle stand up from the ground.

"You know damn well what I mean!" I yelled, surprising myself with my volume. I stepped away from him and clenched my fists, feeling the first tears fall.

"James, I… I think we should go back. Let's head back to the house, okay? M-Maybe things will be better back there." I heard him take a few more steps before I whipped around and made him retreat.

"No. No, I won't feel better because all these… these…" I jabbed a finger at my head. "These feelings in my head aren't real!"

"Th-They are, James!" he said.

I took a step forward and he cowered slightly. "No, they aren't, Kyle!" I narrowed my eyes. "And you know that too."

"I… I don't… know…" He wasn't even making eye contact with me anymore, looking at the ground more than me.

My tears were blurring my vision and quickly wiped them away. "Then why don't you turn off whatever your wand is doing, huh? Prove it to me."

"M-m-my wand? B-but–"

"I said prove it!"

Kyle flinched. His paw shakily made its way back and retrieved his wand from his tail. After a moment of hesitation, he waved it around, and a magenta glow flashed for a moment.

Worthless.

My whole body tensed. The thought echoed around my head like an off-key note in an orchestra hall.

Look how worthless you are.

"James, I'm-I'm… so… so…" Kyle's wand shook violently in his trembling grip.

"You…" I whispered. "Why… why would you…"

Look how worthless you are to him.

The shock morphed back into anger and I grit my teeth. I took a few steps forward, and he took the same steps back. "Just leave! Just leave, got it?! Leave me alone!"

"What's going on? What are you guys…"

Lex's voice came to my ears and I stopped. I turned around and saw her walking towards us both. The casual expression she had on disappeared as our eyes met. "You're… crying."

My hands clenched themselves into fists so tight they were trembling. It wasn't a coincidence that she was so nearby. No. She never hid close to Kyle when we played hide and seek. "You… you knew too," I said, nearly hissing at her.

"What are you saying?" Her eyes drifted past me for a moment and I knew she was looking at Kyle. "What's… happening here?"

Look how worthless you are to her.

"Don't play dumb with me, Lex. You know exactly what's happening." I looked back. "Doesn't she, Kyle?"

Kyle was too frozen to make any response.

"James, leave him alone," she said.

I stepped towards her. Unlike Kyle, she held her ground. "You two were in on it, I know you were."

Her expression hardened, but I saw her quickly glance at Kyle again. "I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

They don't care.

"Don't give me that shit, Lex! Stop lying to me!"

She glanced at Kyle again and I saw her claws twitch at her sides. "I… I really don't know."

I growled under my breath. That damn stubbornness. "So you don't know that you and Kyle got together and thought you could fix ol' James up, huh?!"

"That's–"

"Shut up! I bet you two thought you were so smart thinking, 'Gee, he's just too far gone now. Guess it's time for Kyle to hijack his head and mess around in there! Don't worry about keeping it up, just drop it suddenly and let everything bad come flooding back!' It's perfect, isn't it?! Good job hurting me in the only way I can be hurt!"

They hurt you.

Lex only stared back. Her claws shook at her sides and her fur stood on end. She wasn't backing down, but she wasn't speaking up either.

"Well?" I said.

Just like Kyle, she dropped eye contact with me and looked at the ground.

They really did it. They invaded my privacy, tampered with my head, and made me feel things that weren't real. No asking at all, just doing it because they wanted to do it. The fucking audacity of them. What was it all for? Temporary relief that could disappear in an instant as if it was never there? How could they do that?

I looked from Lex to Kyle and back again. Both of them had guilt plastered on their faces.

They hurt you and thought they could get away with it.

You mean nothing to them.

You mean nothing to no one.

"...I'm… I'm… s–" Kyle started.

I whipped my head around. "You're what? Sorry? I'm sure you are."

"I–"

"Honestly, Kyle, I thought psychic types were supposed to be smart but clearly that isn't true, huh?!"

"James, stop it," Lex said firmly.

I turned back to her. My anger was boiling, and I was having trouble keeping any kind of restraint on it. "Oh, and why should I? Both of you did this, you got that? You did this!"

"I… I did… this?" I heard Kyle whisper behind me.

"Did I stutter?" I replied.

Lex spoke again. "James, I said stop. Let's stop for a bit and not let this go too far."

I snapped. "'Not let this go too far.' Yeah, that's a pretty good joke! You were the ones who took it too far. You and Kyle messed with my brain and made me think I was completely alright! But I wasn't, and I know for a fact that I'm not. But you did it anyway! And now you want to stop things from going too far? Now of all times?!" I stomped towards her, teeth clenched and tears streaming from my eyes.

"James, listen to me and–"

"Fuck you!"

You mean nothing.

The thought barely registered in my head. I didn't know what I was going to do once I got to Lex but I didn't care. Just as I drew within a few feet of her, a warm paw grabbed onto my hand.

"J-James, please! I-I-I didn't mean for a-any of this to happen, I p-promise!" Kyle pleaded, trying to pull me back.

"Let me go! Stop acting like you fucking care!" In a swift motion, I placed my hand on his chest and shoved him away. He stumbled twice before falling down.

There was a small snap as Kyle's wand hit the ground, the tip snapping off and splintering. He clutched it in his paws, holding it close to his chest.

Look what you did.

You hurt him.

I heard a sharp gasp and looked over.

Lex's eyes were wide, her mouth hung open in surprise. It quickly turned to bared teeth as she growled. "You… you idiot!"

She moved in a flash, jumping up and tackling me to the ground. Before I even realized what had happened, she had pinned my arms down with her knees and was straddling my chest. She raised her claws up and they glowed an intense white.

"You're so… so… stupid!" she yelled. A claw came down and batted me across the cheek. I felt my skin being pushed downward by the force, but nothing more than that. "You wanna hate being different? Fine!" Her other claw came down, slashing the opposite cheek.

I didn't fight back. There was nothing to fight back. I was done. Lex could slash me through the day and night, and it wouldn't change a thing. I just wanted to go back to my room and stay there for the rest of my life.

Worthless.

Freak.

"You wanna keep blaming yourself for what happened? Fine!" Another slash.

Or maybe not. Maybe it was time for a change. There was a small idea tucked away in the corner of my brain. I never wanted to give it any credence, but it was starting to become attractive.

Why are you still here?

Why don't you just go away?

"You wanna hate me and Kyle because of what we did? Fine! That's just fine!" Another slash.

Release from everything. I could be free from it all. I could make… a lot of people happy. It didn't seem so bad when I thought about it like that. Maybe difficult, but it would be possible. And that was… that was…

No one… will miss you.

"But don't you dare think for a second that we don't care! You got that?!" Lex screamed, spit flecking onto my face.

What was that sensation? It was like a spark. It lit up every time she swiped at my face. It felt the most intense right underneath my right cheek. It almost felt hot and jagged. It was so otherworldly to me I was having trouble keeping my thoughts in check.

"We care! We care so much, and we want you to be happy!" Her voice was wavering, her slashes becoming more erratic.

"L-Lex! Stop! This… This won't fix anything!" I heard Kyle say. I caught a glimpse of him trying to pull Lex off me, but another strike sent my head off to the side.

The spark's intensity increased, getting more pronounced each time Lex's claws came down. The same spot under my eye felt incredibly strange. It didn't feel like her claws were just brushing against it anymore. If there was a word I could put to it, it would be cracking. She was cracking that spot on my face.

"And we want you to be happy because we love you! Can you get that through your thick skull?! You're loved!" Lex exclaimed.

The crack grew. Something was building right below my cheek. It felt so close to breaking through.

"Damn it! You are loved!" One more slash.

A blinding jag of energy exploded under my eye. The claw felt like it dug into and had broken the skin. It was white-hot, sharp, and so incredibly alien. Tinnitus hit my ears like a freight train, its volume almost deafening.

After the first few seconds, the initial shock wore off. Now the place she slashed felt like it was burning, but it wasn't from a fire. My eyes were shot, unblinking at the sensation.

A trickle of strangely warm liquid came down the side of my face. It trailed down and touched my lips, making me taste metal. The burning pulsed in my head. It came in waves, seemingly random until I recognized it was in tandem with my heartbeat. But Arceus, the burning… The burning was terrible.

"James… I'm sorry… I didn't…" Lex said, backing off me. The tips of one of her claws were speckled with crimson. Was it the same stuff that was on my face? I didn't know. I could hardly think. Everything in my head was swimming, thoughts started and were lost in the whirlwind of burning.

Lex's fear became apparent on her face when I didn't reply. I didn't think I could say anything. "It wasn't… I didn't think…" she said, taking a few steps back. "Please… no… I… I…" She turned away and ran off.

My breath was stabilizing, but the burning raged on. Fiery tendrils were wrapped around my brain and my cheek, constricting them.

"James…" Kyle whispered, just out of my sight. He was so quiet I could barely hear him. I heard him step away from me. Slow at first, then his pace sped up and he too was gone.

I was alone.

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Peace!

-Minusbomb