CHAPTER 53

A/N: Thanks to pacumeme57, brittnsan, Yadi, pjay413, Lana66, Tamardejong, Ludipa, Berrylucky5, BizzleB90 and Olivia for their reviews. Special thanks to WhitWalk for proofreading this chapter, which alternates between POVs, including Quinn's, so watch out.

Warning: this chapter could be triggering for some of you, as it's about a missing person.

LATER THAT DAY – AT HOME – QUINN's POV

"Okay, Lucy, tell me everything…" I whisper over the phone, once I'm sure I'm far enough from Brittany.

"Well, I have good and bad news…" She says. "I called every hospital in the area and they don't have any patient admitted under the name of Santana Lopez-Pierce. She's not among the deceased patients either but…" She trails off.

"But…?" I repeat, getting more and more worried by the second.

"They all said they have unidentified bodies at the morgue, either because there was no ID on them, or because they are not recognizable, due to extensive injuries…" She sighs and I find myself having trouble to breathe. "I also called the local authorities… but they didn't have any information about Santana."

"Okay, I… uh…" I trail off in a shaky voice, trying to process what she just said. "Please call them regularly and get back to me the minute you hear anything new, alright?"

"Will do…" She replies and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she's also very concerned.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER – AT HOME

"I informed all the Gleeks, like you asked me to…" Puck tells me, rubbing my arm to comfort me. "How's Brittany holding up?"

"Not well… She hasn't said a word since she called San's mother." I sigh. "She's just zoned out in the living room, watching the news like a zombie." I shrug. "I'm really scared she's going to fall apart…"

"Well, she's probably in shock right now…"

"I know but… she has the tendency to get profoundly depressed when things are really rough… I saw it with my own eyes when her dance school got shut down! And do you remember when she was in MIT and San was living in New York? Brittany was so lonely that she lost a lot of weight and couldn't even sleep without pills!" I remind him. "So, can you imagine how she's gonna feel now that Santana is missing? We don't even know if she's alive!" I say in a cracking voice and he immediately engulfs me in a hug.

"How about I try to talk to her?" He suggests and I just shrug in response. After all, we have nothing to lose…

As we enter the living room to join Brittany, I overhear the reporter on the ground giving the latest updates on TV.

"The magnitude of the earthquake is still being assessed, but experts estimate it was at least a 7.0 on the Richter scale, making it one of the strongest to hit this area in decades. The damage is widespread and catastrophic, with fires raging throughout the city, buckled roads and entire buildings reduced to debris, like this one behind me." The reporter says. "The death toll is still unknown, but it is likely to be significant… Hundreds, if not thousands, of people are missing and rescue workers are struggling to pull them out of the rubble. The scale of the disaster is such that they have been calling for more resources."

The more I hear, the bigger the pit in my stomach grows… I glance at Brittany and when I see tears running down her face, I immediately squeeze her hand tight. But I remain silent, not knowing what to say.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER – AT HOME

"Britt…" Puck says in a soft voice, gently rubbing her arm. "I have a friend in the army whose unit was just deployed in San Francisco, to help the rescue teams. He said that some cell towers were knocked down. So, maybe that's why we can't reach Santana at the moment, or why she can't reach us…"

"I sent him her picture and I asked him to look out for her…" He adds but Brittany has no reaction to what he just said. She's frozen like a statue, her eyes still set on the TV. I'm not even sure she's hearing us right now…

BRITTANY's POV

I know Quinn and Puck just want to help but there is nothing they could possibly say to make me feel better. I just feel completely numb, in a daze…

It's been a few hours since the earthquake but there is still no word from Santana… My calls remain unanswered and my texts are not even going through! I'm trying to hold on to the hope that she will be found safe and sound, but not knowing anything puts me in an indescribable agony and every passing minute feels like eternity.

"Mommy!" Sofia suddenly shouts out of nowhere, pulling me out of my thoughts.

When did she get here…? And how?

My little girl immediately climbs next to me on the couch and I spot Mercedes and Sam a few feet behind her, holding my boys in their arms. They must have picked up the kids from daycare but I don't recall asking them to do that… I guess Quinn did.

As our eyes meet, they give me a small compassionate smile and I just silently nod in gratitude.

"Why are you crying, mommy?" Sofia asks me, obviously concerned.

"Oh, I… I just saw something sad on TV, peanut…" I say, forcing a smile while wiping my tears away.

"You want a hug?" She offers, looking at me with the same kind brown eyes as her mama.

"Yeah, I would love that…" I nod and she immediately throws herself into my arms. I hug her tight but it takes everything I have to hold back my tears, painfully aware that she's the closest thing I have to Santana right now.

"Thank you, peanut… I really needed that…" I say, caressing her hair while she throws a big smile at me.

"Are you hungry for a snack?" I ask her, my "mommy" mode immediately kicking in.

"YES!" She replies enthusiastically before getting up from the couch, pulling my hand to make me follow her.

A WHILE LATER – AT HOME

My house is now full of people, as Mike, Tina, Artie and Naya also came by to show their support. And yet, I have never felt this lonely…

The sun is coming down and I still don't know where my wife is, or if she's safe… I only got one phone call and it was Maribel asking me if there was any news, but there wasn't. We were both so desperate that we didn't know what to say, and we ended up listening to each other's sobbing instead.

"I'll give the boys their bath…" I suddenly say while Sofia is playing with Naya.

"You want some help?" Quinn asks, carefully placing the twins in my arms.

"No, thanks, I need to do it myself…" I reply. "I may not know how to help my wife right now but at least, I can take care of her children…" I sigh.

MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT – AT HOME – IN THE GUEST ROOM – QUINN's POV

After the Gleeks went back home, Brittany agreed it was best if Puck and I stayed with her for the night. So, we set up the guest room for us while she retreated to her own bedroom.

We turned off the lights a while ago but I am still unable to sleep. I can't stop thinking of Santana, wondering what happened to her. Is she still alive? Is she injured?

"I'm gonna go check up on Britt…" I tell Puck, realizing that if I have all these questions in my mind, it must be even worse for her. "I may not know how to help my wife right now but at least, I can take care of her children…" She had said earlier. Well, I may not know how to help Santana either but I'm sure she would want me to look after her wife.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"Brittany?" I say in a quiet voice, knocking on her door a few times.

I stand there for a while but as she doesn't answer, I am about to go back to my bedroom when I suddenly hear sobbing through the door.

"Britt…" I repeat, knocking again. "I'm gonna come in, okay?" I say and when she doesn't object, I eventually open the door.

My heart breaks when I find her crying in a fetal position, hugging Santana's pillow.

"Oh, Britt…" I whisper, rushing to sit by her side. "Come here…" I say, pulling her in a tight hug.

BRITTANY's POV

"Not knowing anything is killing me, Q…" I confess in between sobs. "It's not like her not to give any news! And I know you're going to argue that some cell towers were knocked down but if Santana was well, she would have found a way to contact me! I know she would have! Something must have happened and… any possible scenario I run in my head is more awful than the previous one…" I say in a cracking voice, shaking my head in despair.

"What if she's trapped somewhere, all alone? Or she's injured and in pain? What if… it's even worse than that?" I eventually ask, crying harder in her arms. "I don't think I can go on without her, Q… It's only been 18 hours since I last heard from her and I feel so… incomplete, it's like I'm missing a limb or something!"

"I know…" She says in a sad whisper, rubbing my back.

I pull away from her arms to check my phone again, but there is still nothing since the text Santana sent me earlier this morning.

FROM "SAN": Hi wifey :) I'm going in for the talk show but I'll call you as soon as I'm done! Can't wait to be in your arms tonight… Love you!

When I read it, I thought there were only a few hours to go and she would finally be home… I thought I would be making love to my wife by now but instead, I'm alone in bed, wondering if she's still alive…

EVEN LATER THAT NIGHT – IN THE BEDROOM – QUINN's POV

Brittany was so distressed that I eventually set up the cot in her bedroom so I could stay by her side. It's now 4:30 AM and I have been tossing and turning all night long, falling in and out of sleep.

I throw a quick glance at Britt and find her lying on her back, staring at a picture frame she's holding in her hands. I'm sure she has not slept at all.

BRITTANY's POV

I have been looking at our wedding picture for a while now, and it's strangely both painful and comforting at the same time. I can't look away from Santana's beaming face, my fingers slowly tracing her features on the picture. It's funny how, despite the time that is passing, I still remember everything about that day, from walking down the aisle to a smiling Santana, to cutting the wedding cake together…

While thinking of our wedding, my mind eventually travels back to a few months ago. For our 7th wedding anniversary, Santana took me to our favorite restaurant and surprised me with a romantic horse and carriage ride, during which we drank champagne and snuggled, while admiring the view.

It was the perfect date but I knew the best was yet to come, considering that the kids were staying with their godparents and we had a whole night alone.

And boy was I right…

FLASHBACK TO A FEW MONTHS AGO

"So…" Santana suddenly says, as we are cuddling in bed after making love. "I know I have not always been the perfect wife but… hopefully, you're still happy in this marriage?"

"Of course, I'm happy!" I immediately reply, kissing her lips. "How can you doubt that?" I pout.

"Well, you know…" She shrugs. "People always talk about the '7 year itch', so…"

"But those people are not in love like we are!" I object. "We even renewed our wedding vows this year!"

"That's true…" She smiles, kissing my forehead. "No regrets then?"

"I'll never regret marrying you, San! With you, I found unconditional love that I thought only existed in movies! And you gave me the life I've always dreamed of!" I confess, caressing her hair. "We're such an amazing team that I feel like the two of us together could handle anything! Like we're unstoppable, you know?"

"I know exactly what you mean…" She nods, pressing her lips on mine.

"So, I don't believe in this '7 year itch'…" I conclude, my hand sliding up and down her bare back. "You and I are forever, baby!"

"Forever…" She repeats, with the most adorable smile. "You know, since we got married pretty young, we have the potential to become one of these insanely cute couples that have been married for 70 years and still do everything together…"

"Oh, I know we'll be just like that!" I smile, pulling her into a long loving kiss.

PRESENT TIME

As I remember how my heart swelled with love that night, I can't hold back my tears and press our wedding picture frame close to my heart. I miss Santana so much… and everything about her: her voice, her laugh, the warmth of her embrace…

I feel so heartbroken that I eventually take her pillow back into my arms and close my eyes, drowning myself into her scent.

THE NEXT MORNING (DAY 2) – AT HOME – QUINN's POV

"Is she up?" Puck asks me while I'm making pancakes in the kitchen.

"Yeah, she's waking up the kids." I reply. "I don't think she slept at all last night though… Every time I looked at her, her eyes were open! She was just lying there, looking all sad…"

"I can imagine…" He replies. "Even I couldn't really sleep last night, it made me sick to my stomach to think of Lopez being all alone in that chaos, you know?" He asks and I sadly nod.

A few minutes later, Sofia runs into the kitchen, followed by Brittany and the boys.

"Hey mi… um… hey little one!" Puck tells Sofia, fortunately stopping just in time. I know he was just about to call her "mini-San", like he always does, because she's so much like her mama. But given the current circumstances, I don't think Brittany needs any more reminder of her missing wife.

"You want pancakes, baby?" I ask Sofia.

"Yes, please!" She says in such an over-excited voice that I can't help but chuckle.

I serve Sofia and Puck's plates, before turning to Brittany. "You want some, Britt?" I ask.

"Oh, um… no, that's ok, thanks."

"They're really good, mommy!" Sofia says, her mouth full of pancake, and I'm hoping it will convince Britt to finally eat something.

"I'm sure they are, peanut! Auntie Q is a great cook!" She says, smiling at her daughter. "But I'm not hungry this morning…" She adds, just as Gabriel starts crying.

"Oh, shoot…" She sighs. "I forgot his dino in his room… I'll be right back." She says, exiting the kitchen.

"She has not eaten anything since yesterday morning…" I whisper, throwing Puck a worried look.

LATER THAT MORNING

"So, we don't have to go to daycare?!" Sofia says in disbelief, her eyes opening big.

"Nope, not today!" Brittany smiles. "Uncle Puck has to go to work, but Auntie Quinn and I will stay home with you and your brothers, and we can play in the garden the whoooole day!"

"Did you hear that, Auntie Q?" Sofia asks me, jumping up and down in excitement.

"I sure did!" I say, trying hard to sound as enthusiastic as I can, given the circumstances. But I know that Brittany is keeping the kids home because she needs them around.

"Why don't you go get your toys while I help your brothers move to the garden?" I tell my niece and I have barely finished my sentence that she's already out of the room.

"You coming, Britt?" I ask, holding the boys' hands in mine.

"What?" She asks, distracted by her phone. "Oh uh, yeah… You guys go ahead, I'll join you in a minute."

BRITTANY's POV

Once Quinn has left the living room, I try to call Santana again, without success... I don't know what to do with myself, feeling just as helpless as yesterday. When I contacted the authorities to report Santana as a missing person, they told me there was no point to come to San Francisco, because the area was not secure and civilians should not disturb the work of rescue teams. I'm not even sure how I could get there anyway, since they decided to shut down the local airport and train stations until further notice.

I take a deep breath, before typing yet another text to Santana.

TO "SAN": Please call me as soon as you get this, I'm worried sick. I love you.

As soon as I press the "send" button, I see that I have just received another text from San's mom.

FROM "MARIBEL": Hi Brittany, any news…? I have been looking for flights to L.A. but since they shut down San Francisco airport, flights to other California airports are all fully booked…

TO "MARIBEL": I'm sorry, Maribel, there's no news… But I promise I'll call you the minute I know more.

LATER THAT DAY – AT HOME – QUINN's POV

"She's getting worse…" I tell Puck, shaking my head. "She put on a brave face for the kids but I just checked on her and she's crying her eyes out in her bedroom… And she still refuses to eat!" I say, raising my arms. "What do we do?"

"Well, I might know someone that could make her eat…" He says, much to my surprise.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER – IN THE KITCHEN

"So, Sofia… Your mama once told me you liked to play house?" Puck asks our niece.

"Oh yeah! It's fun!"

"Well, would you like to play house with us and your mom?" He asks and she immediately nods with enthusiasm.

"Great!" He smiles. "So, listen… Today, your mommy will play the little baby and you will play her mom! And as the parent, your first mission will be to spoon feed her dinner! So, what do you say? Are you up for the challenge?" He asks, holding up his fist.

"Yes!" She replies in excitement, bumping her fist against his.

"Atta girl…" He says, caressing her hair.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"You're a genius!" I tell Puck, as we're watching Sofia spoon feed Brittany in bed.

"Well, I know she has a soft spot for her children so… I figured she wouldn't say no to her daughter."

"I'm really worried about her though…" I confess.

"I know… me too." He admits, putting his arm around my shoulders. "But we'll just have to take one thing at a time. At least, she's eating…"

LATER THAT NIGHT – BRITTANY's POV

After putting the boys down for the night, I'm now reading a bedtime story to Sofia. But my little girl is pretty grumpy tonight and keeps interrupting me to complain.

"What is it, baby? You don't like this story?" I ask. "If you want, I can read you another one."

"It's not the story…" She frowns. "I want mama to read it to me!" She says out of nowhere and I immediately feel a rush of emotions coming up to my throat.

"Mama isn't here, peanut…" I whisper, trying to swallow my pain.

"When is she coming back?" She pouts. "You said a long time ago that she would come home soon!" She argues, crossing her arms in protest.

Sofia's eyes are set on me and she looks so much like Santana right now that I'm having difficulties holding her gaze. I swallow hard, struggling to find what to tell her.

"Your mama is away for work, baby…" Quinn suddenly says, coming to my rescue.

"Why?" Sofia asks, clearly not happy. "She has been gone for a long time!" She complains. "I want to talk to her!"

"She's… uh… She's very busy right now but… um…" Quinn replies but I immediately place my hand on her arm, making her turn to me. I don't say anything but I know she understood: it's time to tell my daughter the truth... some of it anyway. Because Santana would never be too busy to speak to her children, and Sofia knows that.

I take a deep breath, before turning to my baby girl. "Peanut, do you know what an earthquake is?" I ask and she shakes her head no.

"It's when the ground shakes really, really hard… which can make buildings and other things fall down." I explain. "There was one in San Francisco yesterday, where mama is…" I add, using all my strength not to fall apart in front of her. "And um… she can't come home right now, because planes and trains are not allowed to run at the moment." I eventually say.

"Why…?"

"They have to wait, until um… they're sure it's safe to travel."

"Okay…" Sofia says, not questioning it further. "Can I talk to her?"

"I'm sorry, baby… but her phone is not working right now. The earthquake caused big phone towers to fall down and it's impossible for people over there to make calls."

"When are they going to fix them?" She frowns.

"I don't know, peanut… It might take a while."

"I want mama…" She pouts.

"I know…" I sigh, pulling her into a hug. "I want mama too…"

EVEN LATER THAT NIGHT

"Rachel?" I say once I enter the living room, surprised to see her with Quinn and Puck.

"Hi, Britt…" She says with a compassionate smile, getting up to hug me.

"What are you doing in L.A…?"

"I was in San Diego for a show when I got Puck's message about Santana…" She replies. "So, here I am…" She shrugs.

A WHILE LATER

We're in the living room, watching the latest news, when the anchorwoman suddenly mentions Santana's name.

"In breaking news, we just learned that 29 year-old Santana Lopez-Pierce, the showrunner of the popular TV series 'Glee', is among the missing, following the devastating earthquake that struck San Francisco yesterday."

"Oh, fuck!" Quinn suddenly lets out. "Puck, go check if the main gate is closed."

"What?" He frowns in confusion.

"Make sure that the gate is closed! Now!" She repeats louder, hurrying him to get up.

"What's going on?" Rachel asks, surprised by the sudden agitation.

"Now that they know Santana is missing, it's only a matter of time before an army of journalists and paparazzi get here." She says and right at that time, her phone starts to ring.

Quinn has a moment of hesitation but eventually picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"No comment." She immediately says in a cold voice, hanging up.

Before any of us can react, Rachel's phone rings as well.

"I… um, it's a number I don't know. What do I do?" She asks Quinn.

"You can pick up but if it's a journalist asking you to make a statement about Santana missing, say you have no comments, just like I did." She instructs and Rachel nods.

"Hello?" She pauses for a second. "I'm sorry, no comment." She says as she hangs up, but her phone rings again immediately after.

"Oh my God!" She frowns, looking at Quinn in disbelief.

"Don't answer that!" Quinn advises her, right when my landline phone starts ringing.

I'm about to pick up when Quinn blocks me with her arm. "Don't, Britt…"

"But what if it's someone calling to give me news about Santana?"

"Fine, let me take it…" She says, running to the phone.

"Hello?" She picks up. "Don't you call here ever again, you hear me?" She says in a firm voice, before hanging up.

"God…" Puck says, getting back inside. "We're lucky you're so quick on your feet, Quinn! I barely had the time to close the gate that these journalists came out of nowhere and started to bombard me with questions!"

"You didn't tell them anything, right?" She asks.

"No! I just came back inside."

"Okay…" She sighs. "I'm gonna call Lucy, hopefully she'll know how to handle this…" She adds, running out of the room.

LATER – AT HOME

"Lucy is going to prepare an official statement…" Quinn sighs. "But I hope they don't find out your cell number, Britt…" She says in a concerned voice. "Because they are already calling everyone they can, starting with the public figures among us… That's why Rachel and I got called, but Mercedes and Naya said they were contacted as well. Mike said that they even called the dance school, looking for you!" She adds, raising her arms in frustration.

Fortunately, media have not called my cell yet but I did have to switch on the answering machine because they haven't stopped calling the landline…

"God, there's so many of them…" Puck says, discretely looking through the window curtains.

"Well, Rachel, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to stay here tonight…" Quinn says.

"What…?" Rachel frowns in response but I cut them off before they can argue. "Sshhh, guys! They're talking about Santana again!" I say, as her picture appears on the TV screen.

"Santana Lopez-Pierce was on a promotional tour for the latest season of Glee, which was recently released on Netflix. Sources have revealed she was recording a talk show in the KNTV studio, when the building collapsed. At this time, it is unclear if she's among the survivors or the victims, or if she was even found as lots of people are still trapped under the rubble." The anchor says.

I feel so distressed that I want to turn off the TV but what the anchor says next catches my attention. "We have managed to obtain exclusive footage from Santana's recent appearance on another talk show, recorded just a few days ago in Seattle. Take a look."

Before I can prepare myself, Santana appears on screen and all I want to do is jump into the TV, to hug her tight and never let go.

"So… Netflix!" The host says, raising his arms in disbelief. "That's exciting!"

"It is exciting!" Santana confirms with that beautiful smile of hers.

"Why did you decide to move the show there?"

"Oh, you know… there were several reasons." She replies. "When I started discussing season 4 with the Fox executives, it appeared that we had very different visions for the show… and it became clear that if I wanted to go ahead with my storylines, I needed to move 'Glee' to a different platform." She says. "The other reason is more practical I guess, but I'm a mom of three now… and unfortunately, the TV schedule kept me away from my family quite often, too much for my liking so… there was a moment where I simply had enough of that! I love what I do but nothing is more important to me than my wife and my kids."

"Wow, you have three kids?! You must be busy!" He says, making her laugh.

"Yeah, you could say that…" She chuckles.

"How old are your children?"

"I have a 5 year-old daughter and twin boys that are 17 months old." She says with pride.

"What a lovely family!" He smiles and I can see her mouthing a quiet "thank you."

"Coming back to Glee… you may not know this, Santana, but I'm a huge fan of the show!" He says, placing his hands on his chest. "My own kids are much older than yours, but we never miss an episode! So, of course, we had to binge watch the new season as soon as it dropped on Netflix! And I must say that you really succeeded in transitioning the show from high school to the adult life!"

My eyes don't let go of Santana as she proudly talks about her work. She's so beautiful, beaming even! You can tell that she's totally in her element…

"Now, we have to talk about Brittana because they have become such an emblematic couple!" The host says. "And I'm sure fans will be thrilled because season 4 includes many more romantic scenes!"

"Yeah well, you know… When your own grandma complains there is not enough sex on your show, that's when you know you have to do something about it!" Santana says, making the whole audience burst into laughter.

"But when the season starts, your characters are actually living in different states…" He says and she nods in confirmation. "Did this happen in real life?"

"Yes, it did! After high school, I was in Kentucky for a while, and then, I moved to New York while Brittany was living in Massachusetts."

"That must have been difficult to be apart like that…" He says.

"Yeah, it was hard!" She confirms. "You know, looking back, I even wonder how we managed, because we would go weeks without seeing each other! I so couldn't do that anymore!" She chuckles. "I have been away from my wife for only 10 days and I miss her so much that I'm already going crazy!" She says and I immediately feel a sting in my heart.

MUCH LATER

I'm in bed, still feeling a gnawing pain in my stomach every time I look at the empty space next to me. God knows I never sleep well without Santana, but in the current circumstances, it just seems impossible…

I'm not alone though: Rachel volunteered to "babysit" me for tonight and is laying on the cot beside my bed.

As I'm staring at the ceiling, I can't help but wonder how other people do this. How do they hold on when the person they love more than anything in the world is missing?

"Rach?" I suddenly whisper, breaking the silence in the room.

"Yeah?"

"What if she's dead…?" I eventually ask, saying it out loud for the very first time.

Rachel must be taken aback by my question because she remains silent for a few seconds.

"Brittany…" She says in a sympathetic voice. "I know how difficult this situation is for you right now but you can't lose hope… I'm sure that Santana will…"

"Please, Rachel…" I cut her off, shaking my head. "I'm sick of people telling me to 'stay positive' and 'keep hoping', as if everything will be okay, when it may not be! It's been two days and there is still no sign of Santana!" I argue, raising my arms. "And we both know what that means! Either she's trapped, or she's too injured to have someone calling me, or… she's gone." I eventually say in a cracking voice, before breaking into tears.

Upon seeing me crying, Rachel sits on the edge of my bed and pulls me into a tight hug.

"You know better than anyone that people can die…" I say, hugging her back. "… even when it's unfair or when they are too young to! So, please… be straight with me! Please."

"Okay…" She whispers before taking my hands in hers. "You're right, it doesn't look good…" She eventually admits, swallowing hard. "If she was okay, she would have contacted you by now." She nods. "But it doesn't mean she's dead, Britt…"

"But what if she is…?" I ask. "I cannot breathe without her, Rachel… I feel like a part of me is missing! And the thought of never talking to her or seeing her again is just… unbearable!" I sob. "How did you do it? How did you get over Finn's death?"

"I don't think I have ever gotten over it…" She shrugs. "But with time, I learned how to live with it… And if it really comes to that, you will too."

"I don't know if I can…" I shake my head.

"You can, and you will." She says in a sure voice, nodding. "Because you don't have a choice, Britt… You will have to go on, for your children!" She adds and even though that feels like an impossible task right now, I know deep down that she's right. There is no way I would let myself go when my kids need me. Especially because if they lose their mama, I will be the only thing they have left… which, ironically, is a scenario that Santana herself was forced to consider when I had my car accident.

That's precisely why, as soon as I got my memory back, she insisted that we discuss what to do in case one of us died.

FLASHBACK TO A YEAR AND A HALF AGO

"But I don't want to discuss that!" I object.

"We have to, Brittany…"

"No, we don't! Because I forbid you to die!"

"Well, I would never allow you to die either and yet, you almost did!" She argues. "This is too important, Britt… We'll have three kids in a couple of months and your accident proved that anything can happen at any time! I just want us to be prepared in case it does." She says. "I'll start if you want, okay?"

"Fine…" I sigh in defeat.

"So… if I die…" She says and I hate that sentence so much that it takes everything I have to remain seated and not run out of the room. "… you and the kids will be financially taken care of, I made sure of that. And since the house is fully paid for, you'll get to keep it." She adds. "But I need you to make sure the kids will be raised in a certain way."

"What way…?" I frown in confusion.

"Well… For one, I want them to go to public school, not private school." She replies. "I don't want them to be surrounded by rich arrogant kids."

"But San, did you forget what you do for a living? Our kids are rich!"

"Maybe so but we are not raising them like rich kids! I want them to grow up like we did, Britt. I want them to learn the value of money, and be surrounded by kids from various backgrounds!"

"Okay, sure…" I shrug in agreement.

"And I want them to learn Spanish! So, if I'm not around to teach them, you need to send them to Spanish class every week, okay? Because speaking the language only every now and then with my parents or Abuela is not enough." She says and I'm trying hard not to smirk at the irony because for years, I heard Santana going against her dad about this but she sounds exactly like him right now.

"Got it." I nod, understanding why this is so important to her.

"And they must know how to fight, 'Lima Heights' style."

"What?! No!" I object. "Santana, I already told you I don't want my children to fight!"

"I'm not saying they 'should' fight, I'm just saying they need to know how to, in case they need to defend themselves!" She argues, and I just cross my arms in response.

"I'm sorry, Brittany, but you're the one who decided to make babies with someone from Lima Heights Adjacent!" She shrugs while I roll my eyes.

"Well, I don't know how to fight 'Lima Heights' style!" I say, raising my arms. "I don't even know how to fight at all, so…"

"That's okay, just ask Melissa to teach them."

"Melissa?" I frown.

"Well, she's not as good of a fighter as me, but she's a close second."

"Fine." I sigh, although I'm not happy about this. "But if I'm the one to die, you need to make sure that they would only fight in very extreme situations! Because you made babies with a non-violent person!" I reminder her. "And the kids are not just 'half you', they're 'half me' too!"

"Okay." She shrugs.

"Promise me, Santana." I insist.

"Alright, I promise!" She says, looking offended that I doubted her.

"Okay, so next…" She says. "They must be involved in artistic activities." She adds. "They can choose whatever they like, whether it's Glee club, theater, painting… They can make sculptures out of paper toilet rolls for all I care, but I want arts to be part of their lives."

"Don't worry, it will." I nod in agreement.

"And I would like you to…" She trails off. "…teach them how to believe in their dreams, and be kind and optimistic like you." She adds, raising timid eyes towards me. "And you need to tell them they can love whoever they want… even if it's the Irish midget…" She eventually adds, and I nod silently, squeezing her hand in mine.

"And finally…" She pauses, before letting out a long exhale. "Please remind them that I love them more than anything, and that I'll always be with them…" She says and I can't stop myself from kissing her lips.

PRESENT TIME

"But you know, Santana is strong and resilient…" Rachel says, squeezing my hands in hers. "And I honestly believe that if anyone can come back from this, it's her! Even if she's trapped or injured…" She adds, and I just nod, silent tears running down my face.

I hope she's right because I don't want my children to grow up without their mama… All I want is for Santana to come home, safe and sound.

THE NEXT MORNING (DAY 3) – AT HOME

I'm still wide awake when the first ray of daylight peeks through the curtains of my bedroom. It's been another sleepless night for me but I immediately get up once I hear Gabriel crying in his room.

I make sure not to wake up Rachel as I make my way to the hall, and finally reach my son's bedroom.

"What's wrong, buddy?" I say in my softest voice, picking him up in my arms, before sitting in the rocking chair.

"Shhh, shhh…" I whisper, placing tender kisses on his forehead. "Here, baby, look… It's the dino that mama got you!" I add in an enthusiastic voice but it doesn't seem to do the trick this time…

"You miss her too, huh?" I say, caressing his blond hair, before giving him another kiss.

LATER THAT MORNING – AT HOME

While Rachel is singing with Sofia in the living room, I call Santana's phone again but I'm still sent to voicemail. I use the opportunity to quickly take another look at the texts I sent her, but they have still not gone through either.

This silence is so crushing that I feel like I'm suffocating. Since I met Santana at 14 years old, I have never spent more than a day without hearing from her. When we were teenagers, I would see her every day at school and we would still hang out together on weekends. Even when we were living in different states, we still talked on the phone every single day…

But today was the third day of silence and darkness, three days that had been feeling like decades… Three days that I had been hoping for any kind of reassurance that my wife was okay, and praying for a miracle that doesn't seem to come…

A FEW MINUTES LATER

"Hey Britt…" Quinn says in a soft voice as I join her and Puck in the kitchen.

"Puck, could you get me a seat on an army helicopter?" I suddenly ask, making him drop his jaw in surprise.

"What…?" He frowns in confusion.

"There are still no civilian flights to San Francisco, so the only way to get there is with the army." I explain. "So, can you help me get on one of their helicopters?" I ask him again.

"Uh, Britt, I don't think that…" Quinn says but I cut her off.

"I'm done waiting, Quinn." I say, looking at her straight in the eye. "My kids need their mama and I want my wife. So, I'm going to San Francisco, and I'm bringing her back home, whether you help me or not." I add in a determined voice. "But it will be a lot easier if you help me."

A/N: I know it was a dramatic chapter but what did you think? A few remarks on my side:

- It's the first time that I ever write a chapter without Santana's pov, although she made an appearance through flashbacks.

- I have written 300K words for this specific story and it still feels unreal!

More to come in the next chapter (part II) but I'm not sure when, because I will first update my other fanfic, "She knows me too well". By the way, for those of you who want to know more about what happened when Brittany was in MIT, I refer you to my first story, "What is your dream?" Thanks in advance for reading this chapter and for your reviews!