AUTHOR'S NOTES: On an emotional level, Korra is a huge mess. The Red Lotus deliberately did not teach her anything about how to handle fear because they drilled it into her head that she "did not know fear". Welp, she's a teenager overwhelmed by everything that's happened in her short life, and now that she's actually known fear a few times, she has no idea how to handle it, which in turn causes her to lash out or act unusual in lieu of actually processing these fears. Fortunately for her, there's someone who wants to try and help her. Whether or not Korra will accept this help remains to be seen.
Happy Reading!
BOOK TWO: CHANGE
CHAPTER FORTY: THE CONFESSION
Korra was so sore and exhausted that she didn't even get out of bed until later in the evening the following day. Asami checked in on her a few times mostly to make sure she was doing okay, but overall, it seemed she was just too tired to move much.
"How do you sleep the way you do?" Asami couldn't help but ask, once Korra was 'back in the land of the living', still barefooted and wearing little more than her shirt, pants, and headband.
"Exactly however I do," Korra shrugged, "why?"
"Because earlier you were positioned so hilariously I had to capture it for you." Asami handed Korra a photograph that depicted Korra with her head and arms on the floor, one of her legs sticking up and the other to the side, one of her bare feet poking out of the blanket. Her expression as well as a barely noticeable trail of drool out of the left corner of her mouth was a sign that she was out cold and snoring, rather than staged.
"Also," she added, "you snore. Loudly."
"I… don't even know how I managed to do that," Korra admitted, cracking a smile at how hilarious her position was. "I'm an active sleeper, according to my mom though. Oh, and I'm totally keeping this, by the way."
"I think 'active sleeper' is putting it lightly." Asami left the photo in Korra's hands, "no wonder you sleep outside so often. How does Naga put up with you?"
"Why don't you ask her?" Korra nudged her. She loved the playful banter that she had with Asami. They teased each other a lot, but there was a certain unique level of understanding that Korra felt like they had, that she didn't have with anyone else. In truth she was also impressed that Asami put up with it; Korra knew that Asami's remarks were more her trying to keep up with Korra; otherwise she was a very polite and kindhearted woman who did not seem the type to tease others. On the other hand, Korra was abrasive, rough, and remarkably vulgar, and it was only through careful wording and a strong sense of understanding that she felt like she wasn't outright insulting Asami sometimes.
"Speaking of asking…" Korra continued, "A question for you, yeah?"
"Of course," Asami smiled, walking down the halls of the mansion towards the doors that led out to the side of the house where Naga usually roamed.
"I know I'm a bit brash pretty much all the time," Korra explained, following her, "but like—you know that when I jab I'm not entirely serious, right?"
"I do," Asami nodded, "Although I admit that it's only because I know you so well. If we were strangers and you said some of those things to me, I would actually be unlikely to take them too well. You come off very forceful sometimes, Korra."
"I do?" Korra's self-esteem suddenly took a huge hit with this new epiphany.
"Yes," Asami opened the door as they went outside to walk the grounds; "And I personally don't mind it, but that's because I know you. I know your quirks and antics, and more importantly, I know what you've been through, which in turn means I know how you sometimes try to deal with those pent-up emotions."
"That's…" Korra pouted, "that's a bad thing, isn't it?"
"Not necessarily," Asami clarified, "I just don't want to see you accidentally hurting anyone—especially not yourself."
"I'm getting better though, aren't I?" Korra asked hopefully.
"A little," Asami scratched the back of her head, "your outbursts are rarer… but you've learned to stay away from us when they happen, so I can't tell how bad they are anymore."
"I don't want you to see them," Korra shook her head, her teeth gritting, "I don't want anyone to see them. I hate myself when they happen, because I should be better than that!"
"Why?" Asami tried to get Korra to open up some more.
"Because I'm the Avatar!" Korra threw her arms in the air, "I'm supposed to be the one keeping balance in the world, not fighting a war for balance in my own damn head!"
"Do you really think the Avatar is immune to emotional conflicts, Korra?" Asami stopped, putting her hands on Korra's shoulders, "You're human, like everyone else. I'm not going to tell you to stop doubting yourself, because it's not my job—or anyone's job—to tell you how you can and can't cope with your issues. My point though, is that showing emotion is not a sign of weakness. You can get upset. You can cry. You can laugh. You can be afraid. I've seen you do all of these things, and it's natural—it's to be expected, Korra."
"I'm not afraid!" Korra snapped, "I'm a little dazed; confused, sure. What's there to be scared of now though? I survived Chief BeiFong's metalbending training, and I proved that I can whoop the Triads if they try to mess with me again. The Red Lotus terrorists are all in prison, and I killed Nakkoa myself. There's nothing left for me to be *scared* of, Asami."
"Korra, don't…" Asami began, "I'm not trying to make you feel weak; I'm trying to address something that's having a visibly detrimental effect on you because I care about you. I'm not trying to attack you, so you don't need to get so defensive."
Korra lowered her eyes and frowned. "I feel like we have this conversation every time I come back from somewhere," She shrugged with a sigh, "You put up with my bitching and try to straighten me out, only for me to sink back into my same stupor a couple weeks later. I know that dealing with traumatic events is hard—trust me, I know that way too well. But look at you! You lost your mom when you were 6 and I don't see you bitching and moaning about it all the time. Meanwhile I just get a couple burns and a bolt of lightning to the chest and suddenly I'm in pieces with no idea how to come to grips with what happened to me."
"Korra," Asami sighed, shaking her head, "that's… so much different. I'm not saying the loss of my mother doesn't still hurt me, but you're downplaying the fact that you were physically and psychologically tortured when you were only 15 years old. Even from the way you describe being treated by the Red Lotus, it comes off as sounding almost like they were trying to prime you to be susceptible to that sort of thing, whether they intended it or not."
"Wait, you read my journal?!" Korra got a little defensive at the idea.
"I did," Asami closed her eyes. "Part of it anyways, and I apologize. I hoped to be able to try and understand you better from reading parts of it… and to try and get an idea of what you're trying to hard not to show me—or anyone, for that matter."
Korra suddenly turned, tightly seizing Asami's arm and baring her teeth at her in a surprisingly threatening manner as she moved mere inches away from Asami's nose. "Best friend or not," she snarled, "don't go rummaging through my things without my say-so. Are. We. CLEAR?" Her free hand balled into a fist surrounded by blue flames, and her eyes flashed threateningly. Korra liked to think that the Avatar State was one of the Avatar's instinctual methods of warning people that she was not to be trifled with, but in reality, it was a defense mechanism she brought up when she was afraid, to cover up that fear.
Realizing what Korra was doing, Asami opened her mouth for a moment as if to reply, before stopping and taking a deep breath.
"Korra?" She spoke softly, maintaining her composure as she slowly pried Korra's tense hand off her arm, "I'm going to go back inside now. Take as much time as you need to let your anger out, and then we can resume this conversation." With this, she released her arm from Korra's grip and strode back towards the mansion as Korra came back around to her senses.
"What," Korra stammered, "I'm not mad; it's just… Asami, wait!"
Asami did not relent, however, and locked the door behind her. Of course, there were plenty of other doors Korra could choose from if she really wanted to get inside, but Asami's point hit home with Korra as she stopped to realize what she had done.
She swore loudly, chaining together several vulgarities as she viciously started attacking an otherwise mundane patch of ground with fierce waterbending attacks to try and release her pent-up fury. She left a remarkable crater in her wake by the time she was done, having triggered the Avatar State at least twice as she tried to blow off steam. After her anger had dissipated, she used a few swift earthbending moves to pull up a small shelter in which she curled up and hid from the world, crying softly as the weight of her mistakes became heavier.
Asami took a few deep breaths before she was willing to come find Korra, and she waited even longer as she heard the emotionally-fuelled Avatar smashing things outside. Only after the noise had dissipated did she venture out there.
The crater Korra had created was sizable, but was fortunately out of the way. Asami admired Korra for at least making sure her destructive bending tricks weren't used to harm any structures or important parts of the estate grounds. The small stone 'fort' that stuck out in the most obvious manner was new though, and Asami knew exactly where her distraught friend was.
It was a dangerous road, being friends with Korra. She was vicious, aggressive, confrontational, and was powerful enough that few could stand a chance against her in single combat. She had a hypervigilant disposition and a crazy tendency to fly off the handle at even the slightest provocation, which usually triggered the Avatar State—making Korra all that more terrifying.
Any yet, underneath these emotional burdens, Asami caught glimpses of the caring and compassionate young woman she had met on her doorstep 3 years ago. She knew that Korra was afraid, because when she was afraid she would immediately throw up her defenses and shut everyone else out, despite her soul subtly calling out for help. Knowing what kind of wonderful person Korra was under that broken, hostile exterior was what had prompted her to emotionally invest herself so heavily in the Avatar's well-being. She cared deeply for Korra, and wanted her to be happy.
"Korra?" She called out softly as she approached the crude rock structure. Refusing to engage the Avatar when she was tempramental had been one of Asami's better life choices. Korra was extremely difficult to reason with when she got angry, and so 19 times out of 20 it was best just to walk away.
"Korra's not here right now." Korra whimpered, rolling the other way so her back was to Asami. It would have been somewhat comical had the situation and the surrounding emotional aura not been so dismal.
"Are you crying?" Asami's face twisted to one of concern.
"NO!" Korra barked, before pausing. "M-maybe…"
"Korra, listen," Asami put her hand on Korra's shoulder, although Korra brushed it off, "I'm sorry I had to step away from you like that. I don't like it any more than you do."
"Just leave me alone…" Korra moaned. Her words might have demanded Asami to leave, but her tone and emotions were pleading for the opposite.
"Korra…" Asami whispered, "Look at me. I need to be honest with you, for both of our sakes."
Korra's eyes were red and her cheeks glistened, her melancholy expression bringing a pain to Asami's heart. She did not say anything, and broke eye contact with Asami a moment later.
"I care very deeply about you, Korra," Asami whispered, "but the hard truth of the matter is that you are extremely volatile. Your emotions are sometimes just… everywhere, and it's overwhelming for me. If it's overwhelming for me to deal with, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to try and manage them. If I walk away, it's because I don't want to lash out and hurt you when you're already distraught. You don't need that kind of stress stacked on you."
"I can't help it half the time," Korra gave a dejected sigh. "I told you I wasn't worth the trouble I cause. I hate to say it, but it's true."
"No," Asami's tone grew more forceful, "I've said it before, Korra, and I'll tell you it again. Do. not. ever. say that to me again."
"Why?" the pout Korra made would have been funnier and cuter if her eyes were still not red and puffy from her crying.
"Because…" Asami took a deep breath, before taking the plunge with a rather bold statement, not fully sure how Korra would take it, "Because you are worth it to me, and I love so many things about you. You are a wonderful person under that stress, and I love you, Korra—strengths, flaws, hopes, fears, and all."
"I..." Korra stammered, "Wait… you love me?"
Asami took another deep breath. "Yes, Korra." she admitted, "It's… difficult for me to explain, and don't take it the wrong way… but you're more than just a friend to me. I care about you deeply, and because of that, I feel obligated to do what I can to make you happy."
"Please, no," Korra shook her head, "Don't stress yourself out trying to please me. I'm a hot mess, and as dumb as I am, if even I can see it, you better be able to as well."
"And despite that hot mess," Asami countered, "I still love you, Korra. I understand if you don't feel the same way about me or if you don't swing that way, but there are several reasons why I cherish our relationship, and this is one of them."
"I've… honestly never given it much thought," Korra admitted, rubbing her eyes, "Which way I 'swing', I mean. But honestly, when I think about it… I love you too, Asami. I've said it dozens of times before that I still don't think I'm worthy of being your friend. You're just so nice and caring and sweet and… fuck it, you're perfect, and I love you too." Without warning, Korra threw herself around Asami, burying her face into her shoulder and taking in the delightful aroma of her hair. Asami briefly rubbed Korra's back, calming the still somewhat agitated young woman as they held each other gently.
Perhaps this affection she had for Asami had been love the entire time without Korra realizing it. She didn't really care one way or the other at this point other than not wanting to let it go. There was something so soothing and relaxing about Asami's touch. Korra trembled slightly, mostly from being unaccustomed to human contact. The only Red Lotus member that had ever touched her had been Unalaq when he taught and helped Korra learn healing, but even that ended within a few months as Korra learned the ropes herself. Other than that, she was not used to this level of contact, much less on an intimate level.
"I love you so much…" Korra uttered in little more than a trembling whisper. "What did I ever do to deserve you, Asami?"
"I think it was mostly that you presented yourself at face value," Asami's hands ran up and down Korra's back and occasionally into her hair, "You wear your emotions on your arm—since you don't usually have sleeves of any kind. When you care about someone, you get really protective of them, and I admire that. I love your passion, your creativity, your wit, your humour; and your bending abilities… they are terrifying and beautiful at the same time. It's truly awe-inspiring to behold… I don't believe just anyone could harness that much power, Korra. You have a knack for quick-thinking and even quicker reactions. It's the little things… Avatar." She pulled Korra out of her shoulder to smile at her.
"I know you don't like being called Little Miss Perfect," Korra looked up at Asami, "but seriously, you're so perfect. You're like an emotional crutch for me, and I feel bad for even saying that I use you for that, I just… ugh; I'm not poetic, okay? I just… you…" She buried her face into Asami's hair and took a huge whiff, taking in Asami's relaxing scent.
"I hardly feel 'used'," Asami ruffled Korra's hair, "I like being able to be your shoulder to lean on, Korra. You're a completely different person when you're happy, and I love seeing that side of you. It reminds me of the jovial little girl that came knocking at my gate those three years ago after I nearly ran you over. They were simpler times."
"You say that like you knew you were going to say 'I love you, Korra' 3 years later," Korra quipped.
"Oh I definitely didn't know it," Asami chuckled, "but let me make myself clear: I love you Korra, and I don't regret saying that for even a second."
"Every day that I've been away from Republic City, it's on my mind," Korra admitted, before pausing, "...wait, you're going to laugh at me for it."
"Laugh at you for what?" Asami chuckled, having a shrewd idea of what Korra was about to say.
"I always used to wonder what you were thinking; what you were doing." Korra admitted, "Early on, I wondered if you would even remember me the next time we met."
"How could I forget the Avatar?" Asami chuckled, kissing Korra's forehead, "Let alone that the Avatar was a vibrant little powerhouse that has the cutest little laugh and a very genuine smile to match it? You're hard to forget, Korra—and while there might be many negative reasons some people might use as fuel against you in that regard, I remember you for who you are as a person; not your title; not your power… I remember the little girl who genuinely wanted to be my friend and that was concerned an awkward conversation would mark the end of that friendship."
"Hey, it was a valid concern!" Korra blushed fiercely, her trademark pout returning.
"It seems tame compared to some of the things you've done lately," Asami admitted, although changed the course of her thoughts as she noticed Korra's expression drop, "but no, Korra. I love you for who you are—from your best traits all the way down to your mental and emotional struggles. However little it may be, I want to help you with those struggles, Korra. I want to be there for you in those times when you just get too overwhelmed to try and manage it yourself.
"And then there's you," Korra interjected, "just straight-up freakin' gorgeous. Ugh, you're just so pretty and so kind and caring and I love you and stuff and I don't even know what else I should say right now I just kind of… nnnggghh…" She threw her arms up in defeat before burying herself in Asami's shoulder once again, to the chuckling amusement of the young industrialist.
"I love you." she muttered into Asami's hair, "and you gotta deal with it!"
Asami actually laughed much harder at this remark than Korra expected. "I don't imagine I'll have any trouble dealing with it, Korra." She rubbed the Avatar's back again, "Thank you."
It was cute, watching Korra stumble over her words. She didn't give herself nearly enough credit, but Korra was actually much more charismatic than she appeared to be. The fact that she was stumbling over her words and babbling like a toddler was more from her struggling to rein in her emotions around Asami, who did in fact drive her wild in the best of ways.
"No… thank you." Korra whispered, before piping up. "Hey, you gonna come see me wreck face tomorrow at the arena?"
"I wouldn't dream of missing it." Asami smiled softly, planting a small kiss on Korra's forehead, "especially not after the exchange we just had."
Korra could not properly formulate a reply, but the way her heart fluttered made it clear how she felt about the whole thing. Love… she *loved* Asami. It didn't seem strange; it didn't seem unusual; it just felt… right. This was someone Korra wanted in her life as much as possible—someone she cared immensely for. She was someone that loved Korra for who she was as a person, and that couldn't care less about her being the Avatar—and while 3 years ago having her status as the Avatar being ignored might have mortally offended her, at this point in her life, it was something of a relief. There would be time for her to figure out the impacts of her entering an intimate relationship later though. For now, she simply wanted to bask in it.
AFTERTHOUGHTS: With these confessions, this does in fact mean that Korra and Asami are "officially" in a relationship—or in layman's terms: Korrasami has gone live. Make of this what you will.