AUTHOR'S NOTES: Maybe it's just me, but that scene with Amon at Aang Memorial Island always struck me as remarkably frightening given its similarities with a rape scenario. A powerful man and a bunch of thugs dragging a young woman into the dark? Suffice to say, even without that connotation, it still terrified the hell out of Korra, and is one of many things that is compounding her already severe trauma. That said, Korra is also exactly the kind of person who usually needs a beatdown (physical or verbal) to get a point through to her because she's so stubborn. Fortunately for her, Asami delivers.
Happy Reading!

BOOK TWO: CHANGE

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX: RELEASED FEARS

It had been more than a week since Korra was attacked by Amon and his cronies before Asami finally made her move. Most of the time Korra was either honing her bending abilities or working her physical body in an attempt to stay busy and away from other people. She was hard enough to confront without taking into account how busy she tried to keep herself, but even then, Korra was hostile enough when confronted about her issues that talking about them was near impossible. That had honestly been the only reason Asami had even bothered reading Korra's journal in the first place—a last resort. Regardless, she steeled herself for what she knew would set Korra off, but also what she knew had to be done.

"Korra?" She found the Avatar in her usual favourite spot of the estate's ground, doing push-ups.

"984… 985… oh hey Asami," she muttered, "987… 988…"

"Can we talk?" Asami tried to keep her tone neutral, but due to how alert and paranoid Korra was, the Avatar suspected a trap almost immediately.

"Lemme just finish up real quick." She muttered, "997… 998… 999… 1000."

She hopped to her feet, stretching. "What's up?"

"How long are you going to keep forcing yourself through this painful cycle?" Asami demanded, stepping towards Korra as she spoke, "Why are you so scared of admitting your fears?"

"I'm not scared of my fears," Korra's eyes narrowed and she pouted defiantly, "Amon's a nasty dude, but I'm gonna whoop his ass and he's gonna deal with it!"

"So why are you lashing out at us?" Asami pried, "You've done it to Mako and Bolin twice in the last week, and you did it to Tenzin's family at least once. I can forgive you taking it out on me, but half of the people you're directing your anger at have no idea what's even going on!"

"Look, maybe I'm just a bit frustrated is all," Korra frowned, "tense; rash… you know."

"So what happened at Aang Memorial Island?" Asami asked, "With Tenzin, I mean?"

"I told him I got jumped and that Amon was a dirty coward for sucker-punching a teenager!" Korra lied, "Look, it's like the Nakkoa incident; I don't like talking about it."

"So you're just going to keep it bottled up until you explode again?"

"No! But if someone kept grilling you about what happened the night your mother was killed, wouldn't you tell them to buzz off too?"

"No, actually," Asami caught Korra off-guard, "I'd tell them the whole story—because accepting that it happened, and then getting up and picking up the pieces of my life is how I stopped it from controlling my life. It may never stop hurting, Korra, but if you just try to hold it all inside of you, it's going to consume you. Look at yourself! You've pushed everyone away, and even now you're starting to alienate yourself from even me and Tenzin. Tenzin cares for you almost like a daughter, Korra. His wife cares for you, and his children are worried about you. I love you. Mako's worried about you. Bolin's scared of you. If you don't realize the destructive effect your behaviour is having on your relationships, then you need to step back and evaluate what you're doing and what you're trying to achieve in your life."

"Whoa," Korra's expression soured immediately, "who pissed in your coffee this morning, and why are you suddenly mad at me? If I did something to wrong you, let me know, but don't rip me apart over something petty like this."

There was a brief second of silence as Asami's face changed, and it was in this moment that Korra realized she had just said exactly the wrong thing.

"Do you really think this is something PETTY!?" Asami exploded in a burst of rage that not even Korra had ever witnessed before, and as such, it caught her completely off-guard as this time Asami slammed Korra against a wall, rather than the other way around, "Korra, this is about your ENTIRE emotional imbalance and how it's destroying you! You've threatened me more times than I can count. You've threatened Tenzin. You threatened his CHILDREN the other afternoon! Do you not realize how terrifying the notion of issuing death threats to a child is? You've threatened Mako and Bolin, and they were just doing the same thing that we've all been trying to do, Korra. We want to know what's wrong with you, so we can HELP you! Amon might be out to get you, and his Equalist goons might be out to get you too. But we're your closest FRIENDS, Korra! We're NOT out to get you; we're the ones that are trying to help you sort out these conflicts so that you can stop stressing about them and be the Korra we befriended all those years ago. I want to see the Korra I knew and fell in love with again; not this angry, aggressive maniac that puts a fiery fist to the face of anyone who tries calling her out! Listen to me, Korra—I love you, and I want to maintain that relationship as much as you do… but if you can't even get over whatever stupid mental block you're harbouring that makes you think your emotions make you weak, then I'm going to have to break it off, and you're going to have to leave. I am not going to allow your uncontrolled anger and elemental power put my family, my friends, and my estate at unnecessary risk. Get your shit together or we're through!"

It was not at all like Asami to go ballistic like this, but she felt like Korra's belligerent antics had pushed her to wit's end. The fact that she was severely traumatized was not what infuriated Asami—that was exactly what she wanted to help; but she had discovered a very toxic mindset that Korra had; which gave her this idea that acknowledging her fears made her weak—and feeling weak made Korra turn hostile and aggressive, as if to compensate for this perceived weakness. She was patient and her desire to help the Avatar was still as strong as ever, but she felt that Korra's actions had left her with no other choice. Hopefully this was what Korra needed.

Korra stared at Asami with wide, horrified eyes as her words struck sharp and cut deep. For a moment, she simply stared blankly at Asami with those wide, round, horrified eyes, almost as if something had just short-circuited in her mind and she wasn't able to process everything that had just happened. Korra's mouth hung open, and her body all but just froze up and stopped functioning right there on the spot.

The next few moments were both intense and heartbreaking. Korra gradually composed herself, but Asami noticed that even as she came back around, that her eyes were still very unfocused in that heart-wrenching thousand-yard stare that Asami had seen in her eyes far too many times in the last couple of years. It hurt to see this face; to know that behind it was an untold level of pain and suffering that Korra refused to let out on her own, and thus that Asami longed so deeply to reach. Whatever afflicted her, she was struggling to cope with it on her own, and for Asami that was all the more reason she desired to help above all else.

A moment later, Korra's arms began to tremble. She didn't actually say anything, but suddenly threw herself around Asami and buried her face into the industrialist's shoulder. Asami had heard Korra's frustrated yells and screams (as well as her dangerous threats, much to Korra's chagrin), but this was the first time she had actually heard Korra straight-up crying, and as such she was surprised that her tears were accompanied by an almost uncharacteristically soft weeping rather than much louder cries of emotional distress. She sighed, leaning her chin against Korra's head as she held the Avatar for the moment, letting her cry it out.

It was nearly a half an hour before Korra actually stopped crying, which was ultimately rather unsettling for Asami. Korra had remained fairly still most of the time, and her cries had not gotten any louder during the entire time. Asami had undone Korra's hair sometime during this incident to softly play with it in that soothing way that Korra not-so-secretly loved, but even then, it seemed that so intense were her emotions that it did not calm Korra down. It was only after Korra pulled back from Asami's shoulder that either one of them bothered to speak, as Asami looked into Korra's reddened eyes and face.

"Are… are you okay?" despite everything, Asami's tone was gentle and concerned, even if her question was more just a polite way of saying "what's wrong".

"Why… do I… keep doing this…" Korra stuttered, her breath still shaky as she took an almost toddler-esque step back from Asami, teetering as she shifted her weight awkwardly between her two feet, before her hands met and she started wringing them.

"Let it out, Korra…" Asami whispered, "Let it go… and let it out."

"I can't…" Korra whimpered, hanging her head in shame. "I can't be scared… I'm not allowed to be scared…"

"Why can't you be scared?" Asami kept the pressure on Korra despite her mood, "Korra, the Avatar is as human as anyone else… and they're entitled to be just as afraid of things in life as anyone else. That is an absolutely horrible mindset to cling to and you need to expel it.

"But…" Korra reached her arms out, "I don't want to be weak… in front of you…"

"Then tell me your fears," Asami opened her arms again, "I don't want a best friend who pretends she's not afraid of anything… I want someone who's honest; who admits her fears and uses them to grow—and to overcome them and prove that she's better than them. I want someone who can conquer her fears and live the happy life that she deserves."

"I don't want…" Korra whimpered, tears forming in her eyes again despite that she curled up in Asami's arms, "I don't want anyone to see… me cry…" she wiped her eyes with her hands.

"I already did," Asami whispered, "And to be honest, it was one of the most beautiful things you've done in a long time."

"No it's not," Korra's pout was mixed with a touch of anger, embarrassment, and distress, "Do you really think some pitiful sobbing mess can stand a chance against Amon?"

"Korra, stop this," Asami asserted, but kept her voice gentler, "you know that that's not who you are just as well as I do, but please, PLEASE let this out. You're fighting so hard to keep it in, and it's tearing you apart."

"How can I be anyone important if I'm just some scared little kid?!" Korra threw her arms around Asami, burying her face into Asami's shoulder once more, "I'm the Avatar… not some sniveling coward that whines about all her problems… you shouldn't have seen that..."

"Korra," Asami tugged Korra's hair lightly and affectionately, also getting a touch emotional herself, "you have very valid fears… and you need to admit them. If you don't, you're just going to fall back into that vicious cycle again, and you're going to push everyone else away: Me, Tenzin, Mako, Bolin, the airbender kids… everyone who loves you or cares for you, Korra. I don't ever want to see you remain that miserable."

"He RUINED me, Asami!" Korra cried, "and even if he didn't, he's going to stop at nothing until he does. I have to remain strong, otherwise what happens to me? What happens when the Avatar is out of the way? Who is going to stand against the Equalists then?"

"Tell me how he ruined you," Asami demanded, "Tell me everything—what he did, what happened, and most importantly, how you felt. Korra, please—I promise you that if you let this out, you will feel better too. And…" she whispered something in Korra's ear that made her eyebrows go up for only a moment.

Korra sighed. "Asami, it's… complicated…"

"Do you trust me?" Asami looked Korra straight in the eyes. Korra knew that she had been beat.

"Just… don't judge me, okay?" She lowered her head. "I was terrified, Asami. They ambushed me right as I was leaving. I panicked; entered the Avatar State… and I hesitated for a moment too long. They managed to subdue me with just their fists! Amon confronted me; said he'd save me for last, and that… well, that terrified the shit out of me."

"I may not understand the inherent attachment that benders have with their abilities," Asami whispered, "but I understand that it's something near and dear to you, Korra. Was that it though? You make it sound like there was more to it…"

"There was…" Korra was still fighting tears with very little success. "He knows my weakness, Asami. He knows that mentally… I'm not all here. And he's going to exploit it! That's what made me hysterical… and that's why I'm terrified of him!"

She paused. "And when I'm scared… I get defensive, and when I get defensive I get angry… and I took it out on you WAY more times than you deserved. Are you sure that I'm still worth it after all the trouble I've caused? Asami… I don't want to threaten you again, but sometimes my mind just goes into a reflexive state and sometimes I'm not in control and it's unbelievably fucked up and I'm really just a big mess. It doesn't justify how mean I was to you though… so if you need to put an end to my erratic and hostile behaviour in one way or another… please, please do."

There was a pause as Asami smiled; a very soft and caring smile that even made Korra loosen up a little upon beholding it.

"See, Korra?" she took Korra's hands, "This is the real you—the real you understands and admits her mistakes, even when she knows that she might do them again. I don't like that whole mean defensive thing you do, and neither does anyone else. You have friends who care about you and that want to see you happy, Korra. And we're here to help you in that regard whenever we can. I love you, and I care for you, and that's why I want to help you through this. Sometimes life gives us hardships that we just can't handle on our own. It's perfectly okay to need help, and especially even to ask for it. I want to do what I can to ease that burden."

There was a moment of silence as both women held eye contact.

"...can I kiss you right now?" A weak but sincere smile appeared on Korra's glistening, splotchy red-brown face. "Please?"

Instead of replying, Asami put her lips against Korra's, prompting the Avatar's hands to move to the back of Asami's head as if to hold her there—which they did, for several whole minutes.

Having lived with Korra for almost three years at this point, Asami had learned that one of Korra's most prominent habits seemed to correlate a lot with her overall disposition. When she was happy and upbeat, she generally did her hair up in her usual ponytail and usually wore her boots and skirt alongside her usual shirt and pants that Asami was convinced she had multiple exact replicas of. By contrast, when Korra's attitude was at a low point, she'd usually leave her hair unkempt, neglect to wear shoes, and walk with a much more slouched posture. Asami never told Korra that she had noticed this pattern, but she had informed Tenzin, who noticed it as well.

As such, both of them were pleased to see Korra going about her days fully-dressed and with better posture more often. While Korra's mood improved spectacularly over the next couple of days, Asami and Tenzin still kept tabs on her behind her back, tracking her progress and behavioural patterns not so much out of distrust for her, but because even with her improving attitude, Korra's emotions were still problematic at times, which necessitated her two closest friends to try and find ways to approach the issue without exacerbating it.

"She's doing much better though," Asami reported, "She's smiling again, and even though it was only a week, I forgot how beautiful it is."

"My children have noted her improved moods as well," Tenzin gave an approving nod, "they're much less apprehensive about approaching her, and she even plays with them again."

"Bolin's not scared of her anymore," Asami chuckled, knowing that the earthbender had been somewhat exaggerating when he said it, even if it was not exactly a funny subject, "and they're back to their Wednesday-night trips to Narook's again. Mako's also stopped needing to call her out on her hostile behaviour, so I'd say that's a plus as well."

"This is exactly the kind of encouragement that Korra needs," Tenzin smiled, "I'm sure she's talked to you plenty about her trust issues."

"After her outburst with her parents 2 years ago, she came to me because she said I was one of the last people she felt she could trust." Asami nodded, "And while it hurts me to see her carry that mindset, I feel like her life circumstances pushed her to that extreme. It doesn't necessarily make it right… but it explains the behaviour."

"Indeed," Tenzin agreed, "repairing damaged trust is a slow and meticulous process that requires a lot of effort and care. For Korra it is particularly troublesome because of the other damage she is also trying to deal with."

"That's why I'm glad she has someone like you in her life." Asami smiled, "you're a good man, Tenzin, and Korra tells me that a lot. That, and I'm personally glad I was able to get to know you and befriend you as well. Your dedication to Korra's well-being brings me comfort."

"It is good that Korra has someone like you in her life as well, Asami," Tenzin nodded, "and I am happy for you both as well as the relationship you've fostered."

"Thanks," Asami blushed a little; it wasn't that their relationship was a secret at all, but (to Asami at least) it felt like one of those things that wasn't talked about more out of respect for the intimacy of the relationship rather than the secrecy. "Even if we weren't dating, I'd still want to help her. Korra's such a wonderful person; she just needs to realize that it's okay to ask for help sometimes. I think her trauma overwhelms her far too often, and she's too scared to admit it to people. She is aware that her outbursts are not okay though, and that's a remarkable step."

"Korra is remarkably mature, especially for a young woman her age." Tenzin noted, "and she's dealing with emotional and psychological issues that have caused complications for people more than twice her age. It's been a lesson in patience for me too—it's surprisingly very easy for even me to forget that Korra is still just a teenager."

"I think it's part of why our relationships work out," Asami smiled at Tenzin, "It's good for her to have someone that understands what it's like to be a woman her age, but it's also good for her to have someone older and wiser and well-versed with the ways of the world. You're a good mentor to her, Tenzin. I think your father would be proud."

Tenzin paused at Asami's assertion. She was a toddler when Avatar Aang had passed away, but the odds that they ever met were extremely slim. Still, it managed to touch him in a way he had not expected, which was a nice change.

"I certainly hope so," He nodded, "Thank you for your continued support, Asami. It means a great deal to me, and I'm certain our efforts towards helping Korra have left their mark."

One of the reasons Asami was able to find time alone with Tenzin when Korra wasn't around was actually because of that Wednesday-night trip to Narook's that she had gone on with Bolin. He certainly seemed in a better mood as well now that Korra's mood had improved

"It's good to have you back, Korra," Bolin told her trough bites of noodles, "I mean obviously not to be rude or anything… but you were really kind of mean last week."

"I know," Korra sighed, twirling her noodles idly with her chopsticks as she looked away, "I'm sorry for that, by the way."

"Apology accepted," Bolin beamed, before prodding her chin, "hey come on now… wanna give me a smile? Or do I need to make a fool of myself again like I did three weeks ago?"

"Shit, yeah, that was actually kind of funny…" Korra couldn't help but giggle at the incident, which had involved Pabu, a bowl of soup, a faulty chair leg, and a pair of chopsticks, among other things. Neither one spoke of the incident to anyone else—not even to Mako or Asami.

"Well, barring the part with the chopsticks, sure, maybe?" Bolin scratched his head, "Hey; as long as we never speak of it to anyone, we're golden."

"Not a word," Korra giggled, much to Bolin's delight. Korra's was a very wholesome laugh, and there were few that disliked it.

"But wait," Korra added, "you're just going to forgive me just like that?"

"Well, sure," Bolin shrugged, "That wasn't the real you—even I knew that. I knew something was wrong with you, but I didn't exactly want to tell you when you were breathing blue fire and everything."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"That… sounded a lot less rude in my head." Bolin confessed, "My bad."

"No, I get what you mean, and my behaviour wasn't okay," Korra shook her head, "Thanks for putting up with me too, Bolin. And tell Mako the same thing, next time you see him."

"Sure thing," Bolin grinned, "also—I think I can clear my bowl and drain my glass faster than you."

"Challenge…" Korra slurped up almost her entire bowl in one move, before her throat muscles tensed up in a powerful swallow, "...accepted."

Despite her head start, Korra fell behind after a few moments, but when it came to guzzling their drinks, Korra regained her lost ground, finishing with a triumphant belch as she slammed her glass on the table.

"Ha!" she laughed, "another one for me!"

"I let you win," Bolin teased with a grin.

"What!?" Korra gawked, her trademark pout suddenly reappearing, "No you didn't!"

"I told you I was a terrible liar," Bolin winked. There was a moment of pause, before both of them burst out laughing. Korra wasn't magically 'fixed' from the psychological trauma that she still suffered from, but her friends helped prove to her that even with her mental or emotional issues, that it was still fully possible to smile; to laugh; to have fun—to be loved. And while that might have seemed like an obvious and simple concept to most, to Korra, it meant the world.