AUTHOR'S NOTES: Tarrlok and Korra both have a similar backstory in this fic, insomuch that they were "used and abused" by someone wanting to take advantage of their power. As such, there's a rather complex relationship between the two of them, but at this point, things are getting really personal and heated, as they try to get under each other's skin. Tarrlok isn't dealing with some half-baked Avatar-in-training; he's dealing with a very cunning fully-realized Avatar who has seen more in 17 years than most people have in twice that. Things get really intense from here.
Happy Reading!
BOOK TWO: CHANGE
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR: THE UNRELENTING PAST
Korra had been unconscious during the exchange between Asami and Hiroshi, but even with how long she, Lin, and Tenzin had managed to hold off Hiroshi and the Equalists, Korra's emotions finally kicked in once she had left that fight-or-flight mode. She had remained strong in Asami's presence because it had clearly been something she needed. Asami's meltdown had proven that point concisely.
On the other hand, Korra was playing right into her fears without realizing it. As relieved as she was to accept that her and Asami's relationship had survived this ordeal, it was still a game-changer. Gone were the lazy days at Sato Estate, and while Air Temple Island was a hospitable enough place, for Korra the notion that one of her favourite places in Republic City was being run by a man who wanted her dead made it somewhat painful to think about. In a mind so racked with doubt, Korra couldn't help but wonder… who else was lying to her?
Surprisingly, she didn't have a breakdown that night, although there was a noticeable level of dissociation in her behaviour as they arrived at Air Temple Island late in the evening.
"It may not be Sato Estate," Tenzin indicated, "but you are all welcome to make yourselves at home here. Tomorrow morning we can help you get fully settled in."
"Well, most of our things are still back at Asami's place," Mako pointed out.
"Same," Korra added, "and I know exactly what to do about that. You guys get settled in. I've got business to attend to."
It certainly wasn't like Korra was going to sleep tonight what with all the frightening images flowing through her mind. So, without hesitation she left the others and dove right off the edge of the island and back into the water, taking off for Republic City once again.
Kwan nearly fell out of bed when there was a loud banging on her door. She had a small apartment located above her workshop, and so even outside of business hours. It was pretty easy to find the former Red Lotus member at the same address.
"I'm comin'!" She barked, "Keep your shirt on, and what in oblivion are you even doin' at 2 in the morning anyhoo?"
Her expression changed when she squinted and realized it was Korra, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously when she realized Korra's choice of attire was a jab at her remark.
"Put your shirt back on, ya ass." Kwan punched Korra's stomach, "you know I didn't mean it literally. And again—what the hell do ya need at this unholy hour?"
Korra put her shirt back on and then explained the entire situation to her, starting from revealing that Hiroshi Sato was an Equalist to the fact that he knew who Kwan was, and also now that she and her friends had just lost everything as they fled the mansion.
"Shit, come on!" Kwan threw her arms in the air, "you woke me up at 2AM to suggest a break-in? I'm tryin' to be a law-abidin' citizen here, kid; not going back to my old Triad life."
"That's exactly why I'm asking you." Korra asserted, "You know your way in there, and more importantly, this isn't so much a robbery as much as it's just getting our things back."
"And this couldn't wait until morning… why?" Kwan grunted.
"Would you rather I asked you after the place is inevitably crawling with Equalists?" Korra quipped, "Because this isn't a matter of if—it's a matter of when."
"Fine, twist my arm," Kwan grunted, "but you know what? It's time for a driving lesson, and you gotta deal with it. Ain't no way I'm that focused at this hour."
"Hey, I remember this truck!" Korra couldn't help but grin at the old vehicle. It looked a bit weathered, likely from its time in the mountains, but it ran just as smoothly as it had before the whole Nakkoa incident, which meant that Kwan had likely put a great deal of time and love into restoring it. The drive was lurchy as Kwan explained to Korra the importance of differentiating the clutch from the gas or brake pedals, as well as the notion of shifting gears; but with the lavabender's guidance, she was able to get to a secluded part of Sato Estate, which was mostly quiet at this hour. Getting across the walls was much easier with earthbending.
"Nothing a bit of bending can't solve, yeah?" Kwan muttered, "Let's go."
Korra was not even sure where they had parked, since she had just followed Kwan's precise instructions on how to get in. While they made multiple trips, they eventually cleaned out Korra's room, and collected Mako and Bolin's scant possessions as well. Finding out what to bring for Asami proved difficult to the point where Kwan simply said "she's your girlfriend; use your best judgment, kid".
Despite short-lived naughty thoughts about a certain cheeky photograph that Korra had carried with her ever since she had received it, Korra did a sweep of Asami's bedroom, and with Kwan's help (and half a dozen suitcases) they managed to get in and get out without further incident.
"I'm really glad we didn't get caught," Kwan grunted; now awake enough to drive back herself, "cuz if I get busted for this, I'm blaming you."
"I'll shoulder all the blame." Korra admitted, much to Kwan's surprise. "Consider this as payment for that startup I gave you a while back. Now we're even."
"Hey, I'm happy to help because of that," Kwan nodded, "I just don't wanna get blamed and get in trouble for tryin' to help."
Fortunately, no one got blamed, and whether or not Hiroshi realized what had happened was neither here nor there. Mako, Bolin, and Asami were all surprised to find that someone had transported their belongings to just outside their dormitories.
"That sounds like the Air Acolytes at work," Tenzin mused, "although how it got here from Sato Estate…" He glanced back towards the girl's dormitories where somewhere, Korra was sleeping. If it were just a few things here or there it might have made sense for Korra to do it, but there was no way a single person could have hauled all of that clear across Republic City and then across the bay by herself.
It had been an operation that had lasted several hours, to the point where Kwan didn't even open her business that day from catching up on sleep. Korra also remained asleep until well past noon, although a quick peek in her room showed that she had basically done the same thing to it that she had done to her room at Sato Estate.
After Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo woke up, they went to go meet Korra's friends, all of whom were also awake without her. Mako and Bolin seemed particularly curious about the place (considering Asami used to make semi-frequent visits to talk to Tenzin) and Asami watched with moderate amusement as Bolin launched questions at Ikki, only for her to shoot off each and every answer with the same speed and precision. She had steeled herself once again, her emotional meltdown the previous night having ultimately done more good than harm considering it helped her regulate her thoughts and feelings better. Still, while she admired the lively, tenacious trio of airbender children, Asami really wanted to talk with Tenzin again—this time less about Korra, and more about her own struggles.
"Asami?" It was Jinora who interrupted Asami's introspection, "are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Asami smiled at the youngster, "a little distraught over recent events, but it's nothing I can't get over in time."
"That sounds a lot like how Korra was," Jinora mused aloud, "she would get overwhelmed by negative events and emotions and start to close herself off."
"Thanks for your concern, Jinora," Asami smiled, "it's just… it's a lot to take in. I'll be okay though. After all, who's going to take care of Korra if she needs a bit of help?" While she made the remark sound playful, it was also part of her own logic behind the situation. On the other hand, Asami wondered if she could be there for Korra if she was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that her dad had become her enemy overnight, and that she had also betrayed him in turn. She knew that that was only going to sour the relationship they had, and with Hiroshi as Asami's only remaining family, she wasn't sure how she felt about it.
"You're a good woman, Asami," Jinora assured her, "let us know if there's anything we can do to help you." Even if she may not have been fully aware of what Asami was going through, her intentions were genuine, and Asami could not help but respect that.
Before she could talk with Tenzin however, Tenzin had met up with Korra shortly after the Avatar had dragged herself out of bed.
"There you are," he raised his eyebrows, "I take it you had something to do with why your friends' personal belongings arrived on the island this morning-and why your room is suddenly so personalized?"
"Kwan and I, yeah." Korra nodded, "I take full responsibility for the break-in though. I dragged her into it, so please don't get after her."
"I'm not fully sure about the legality and technicality of breaking into someone's home to take back what is already yours," Tenzin mused, "but with Hiroshi numbered among the Equalists, I don't imagine there's much he could do about it with the police anyways."
"Well, that's a relief," Korra shrugged, "but I don't imagine that's what you wanted to talk to me about now, is it?"
"Indeed," Tenzin closed his eyes for a moment, "BeiFong's replacement, Saikhan, is going to be inducted as the new Chief of Police later this afternoon. I think we should both be there."
"Huh boy…" Korra sighed, but knew that Tenzin had a point. As such, she went with him and was up in the front with Saikhan, several other high-ranking officers, and the Republic City Council, including a particularly smug looking Tarrlok.
"It was an honour serving under Chief BeiFong for so many years," Saikhan addressed the public, "and I wish her a speedy recovery. It is with great humility that I take her place as Chief of Police. Republic City is facing a threat like none the world has ever seen, but there is one man who has proven effective against Amon's revolution. As such, for all matters involving the Equalists, I will be deferring and reporting to Councilman Tarrlok. The police department will lend any and all available resources to the councilman until this insurgency is quelled."
This was met with cheers and applause as the remainder of the inauguration ceremony winded down, and only after the crowds dispersed did Tenzin and Korra confront the councilman.
"Tarrlok," Tenzin got his attention, "I don't know what you did to get Chief Saikhan in your pocket any more than the rest of the council, but like them, I highly doubt it was legal."
"Nonsense," Tarrlok beamed, "they, much like the Chief of Police, simply recognize my talents and want what is best for this city. Did that thought ever cross your mind, or are you too busy making up conspiracy theories with a paranoid little girl?" He shot a vindictive look at Korra, who knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Except my paranoia about Mr. Sato turned out to be accurate," Korra frowned with a spiteful pout, "so are you just going to let Future Industries keep making weapons for the Equalists, or is the tip of some "paranoid little girl" going to go to waste at Republic City's expense?"
"Avatar, while I understand that mental trauma often leads to a lack of reasoning in its victims, you seem to be putting on quite the spectacle of blowing that stereotype out of proportion."
"How FUCKING dare you try to belittle me for everything that's happened to me!" Korra sneered, "I hope you didn't think I was suddenly about to change my mind and join your little vanity project—especially not with that sort of demeaning behaviour."
"My dear Korra, I hardly expected you to come to your senses when you've put them so far behind you after all these years." Tarrlok retorted, "I am well aware of your emotional struggles, but I can only offer so much help before it falls back onto your shoulders. If you do not wish to improve your own lot in life how can you expect others to lift you up either?"
"You can play the council," Korra pointed her finger at his face, "you can play Chief BeiFong, and you can try to play me, but I'm done with your stupid games. I don't need you, but you clearly need me. I'm the Avatar."
"Oh trust me, all of Republic City knows you're the Avatar," Tarrlok leered, "since it's clear the Avatar has little regard for civility or how to solve a problem without abusing the Avatar State and setting everything on fire. Who knew that news reporters were so frightening?"
"You set that up and you know it!" Korra snapped, "you've seriously been trying to do nothing but tear me down since we met, and it's started to get REALLY old!"
"And if the Avatar had any semblance of emotional control, she should have been able to handle interrogators with ease rather than threatening them with the Avatar State." Tarrlok was on a roll with tearing Korra's self-esteem apart, "Clearly the spirits have a sense of humour for choosing the next Avatar to be little more than a frightened little girl who tries to hide her fears behind a wall of braggadocio."
"Oh, fuck you!" Korra barked, pivoting on her heel before turning back around again, "at least I admit my problems rather than lie like a weasel-snake to put the whole city in my pocket!"
"Get back to me when you can behave civilly, little girl." Tarrlok's tone was overly scornful at this point. "When adults are handling problems, petulant children such as yourself need to sit down and listen, rather than throw a tantrum and blow everything up. If you do not wish to join the adults in our efforts to thwart Amon, then stay out of my way."
"I'm starting to wonder if that's really your goal at all!" Korra snapped, despite feeling Tenzin's hand on her shoulder, "I think you're just trying to tear me down!"
"Now why would I do that when you're doing so well at self-destructing already? Tarrlok taunted.
Korra meant to bite back, but Tenzin stopped her and guided her away. They headed back to Tenzin's Sky Bison Oogi, who in turn flew them back towards Air Temple Island. Tarrlok's words clearly got under Korra's skin, because she wore her distress on her arm the whole way.
"I don't understand what's wrong with me!" Korra complained as Oogi flew them slowly back to the island, "I could annihilate that sleazy 3rd-rate fraud in 11 seconds if he and I fought, and yet the demeaning way he rips me for my age and my past and my emotional struggles... He's got me on strings, Tenzin. It drives me crazy; and it stresses me out! Seriously; how dare he! I know all four elements including how to make my fire blue, I know half a dozen advanced forms of bending, I can trigger the Avatar State and I've contacted almost 30 of my past lives! What more does he expect from me when I'm not even 18? He wouldn't last 5 minutes as the Avatar."
"Tarrlok is after power," Tenzin explained, "and he wants to distress you to the point that you will see no other option than to submit to him. Like Amon, he is trying to exploit your mental vulnerabilities for his own gain. Otherwise, however, you are an incredibly powerful and formidable Avatar, Korra, and no amount of Tarrlok's lies or treachery can change that."
"Yeah, and how about his remarks that I have the emotional maturity of a little child?" Korra sighed, "as much as it hurts my pride to say it, he's right about that much."
"That may be the case," Tenzin hesitated, "but it's hypocritical of him to provoke you so blatantly and then act like he's the victim when you finally lash out."
"So what do I do?" Korra sighed, "He's right about my emotions; it's just…"
"Have you done much meditating lately?" Tenzin asked, "It might reveal things about yourself or even your past lives that you may not have known."
"I… maybe I should." Korra shook her head, "I just… Tarrlok really knows how to twist the knife and make it hurt—and I'm an idiot for using that metaphor." she clutched her stomach, almost feeling the old wound where Nakkoa had slung a blade right into her gut.
"Just remember," Tenzin advised, "while I can't do it for you, I am happy to lend my services or anything on the island to assist you, should you require it, Korra. Would that I had answers as to what ails you beyond knowing it's linked to mental and emotional trauma, but don't give up on yourself either. I understand that you're hurt, but remember that you have been through a lot, and that it's not unreasonable to express this pain and be open about it."
"Right, right…" Korra nodded, "Asami's told me that more times than I could count—and had me screaming at her way more than she ever deserved. Still… thanks Tenzin. I might sound ungrateful and bitchy a lot, but I really appreciate everything you do. When we get back to the Island, maybe I'll try this meditation thing again."
"I wish for the best for you, Korra." Tenzin gave her a soft smile. "We all do."
Korra attempted this meditation idea later on that afternoon and even into the evening, but Tarrlok's words had cut her pretty deep. She thought about Nakkoa; about even the Red Lotus and how they had tried to drill it into her head that emotions were a sign of weakness. She thought about people like Tarrlok, Amon, and Hiroshi—all of whom tried to demoralize and dehumanize her—to consider the Avatar as little more than an entity or a thing, rather than a living girl who breathed and bled the same as anyone else who was human.
"I just wanted to be the Avatar…" she muttered to herself as she stared out over the bay, tears rolling down her face, "and not be a total failure. And yet all it took were a few maniacs to totally ruin me, and then I went and ruined the Avatar and any reputation she might have had..."
Korra had learned not to center her whole identity on her status as the Avatar, but it had always kind of appealed to her. Korra desperately wanted to be the Avatar, but it seemed every time she tried to be, something or someone came up to try and tear her down—and whether it was because of her own growing (and still hormonal) mind and body and the severe imbalance that her physical and psychological trauma had given her, or if it was just legitimately emotional weakness, these thoughts stressed Korra out—and more stress was the last thing she needed.