AUTHOR'S NOTES: The calm before the storm, once again. we're starting to move into endgame territory, because the attack on Republic City and Amon's subsequent final battle loom overhead. Until then, I apologize for the delay, and without further ado, here's Chapter 73. There may or may not have been some more... "suggestive"... material cut from this chapter for its lack of plot relevance. I'm sure no one will notice.
Happy Reading!
BOOK TWO: CHANGE
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE: BROKEN BUT STRONG
Korra spent several minutes in Tenzin's embrace, appreciating the older airbender for everything he did. Behind Asami (who Korra hoped would always be #1 in her life), Tenzin was probably Korra's 2nd favourite person in the world. Bolin was probably 3rd, and she wasn't quite sure how to rank Mako, Lin, and Kwan—or where her parents fit into this equation beyond that they too were all very important to her. Sometimes she wished she could go back and see them—or that they would come and try to pay her a visit. However, with Republic City in turmoil, it was unsafe; and with the unpleasant memories Korra associated with her former home, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back there just yet.
After parting ways with Tenzin, Korra slid the door to Asami's room open, marching right up to Asami and hoisting her over her shoulders. Naturally, Asami did not expect to suddenly be abducted, and the squeak she emitted proved that Korra had caught her by surprise.
"Korra?" Asami's face reddened as she watched her room grow smaller with each step Korra took, "um, where are you taking me, and do I have to be draped over your shoulder like this?"
"Bed, and yes." Korra answered bluntly before reaching her own room. She leaned forward and threw Asami onto her back, where Korra promptly climbed over her.
"Forgive me if I'm a bit… off," Korra mumbled, "but fuck me if you aren't therapeutic. C'mere!"
Asami had little choice in the matter considering her position and Korra's force, but she'd let it slide this time. Besides, for how much Korra enjoyed the affection, Asami did too; she just wanted to make sure Korra knew that there were in fact limits and that while they may have been lovers, there were still boundaries to consider.
On the other hand, seeing Korra grinning so warmly above her softened Asami's heart a lot more on the matter, and she couldn't help but laugh as Korra assaulted her face and neck with kisses. Asami would be a liar if she claimed that Korra was not a passionate woman—and even more so if she claimed not to like that about her.
Still, Korra had her ways of surprising her, such as when she felt the Avatar's fingers dig a firm grip into her hips before rolling Asami on top of her, shamelessly lifting her skirt even if it didn't actually reveal any new skin thanks to her pants.
"How… is…" Korra nuzzled into Asami's hair, taking in its delightful aroma, "your mere presence… so… damn… therapeutic? You're just so pretty and so kind and caring and perfect and I just never really wanna let you go."
She wrapped her hands around Asami's shoulders and squeezed, putting pressure on Asami's chest to the point where she had to voice it.
"Korra… Korra…" she squirmed, tapping Korra's wrists, "I… can't breathe..."
Korra relented, laughing as she sighed.
"Sweet merciful Raava, I needed that, Asami." she spread her arms out and closed her eyes. "Sorry for dragging you into it…. But that was amazing… you're amazing…" her hands idly rubbed Asami's back over her shirt as she spoke.
"I'm glad to help," Asami whispered, "and seeing your smile makes it all the worthwhile. The only thing I'd ask is next time, you let me know beforehand what I'm getting into. Just… the principle of the matter, you know?"
"No, you're right," Korra nodded, "I was inconsiderate of whatever you were doing. Still…don't be surprised if I ask you if we can do this again soon."
"I enjoy your embrace, Korra," Asami tugged Korra's sidelocks in the way she so loved doing, "and when you get fully dressed and stand up straight."
"Personally, I'd rather your pants be on the floor," Korra quipped with no shame before she paused, "wait, what's so fancy about my posture and me being dressed?"
"It's just that you seem to be in higher spirits whenever you bother to clean yourself up," Asami pointed out, not wanting to disclose the behavioural trends she had observed in Korra, lest Korra change these patterns to try and cover up her emotional lows.
"Clearly someone missed my conversation with Tenzin earlier," Korra rubbed Asami's back subconsciously as she spoke, "It wasn't pretty."
"What happened to you isn't pretty, Korra," Asami took Korra's right hand in her own hands, holding her wrist with one hand and tracing a finger along some of the fine-lined scar tissue with her other, "And so don't confuse your pain for weakness."
"It doesn't hurt anymore," Korra was being honest, but only referring to her physical body, "It looks real nasty, but the last couple days I spent in the hospital really helped."
"I'm talking about up here, Korra," Asami tapped Korra's head, "not all the damage done to you by Nakkoa, Hiroshi, Tarrlok, or Amon was physical."
"I'm fine," Korra lied, "Shaken—really, really shaken from that whole bloodbending torture thing—I haven't been more terrified since when Nakkoa tortured me, but overall, I'm fine."
"Torture!?" Asami's eyes widened, "Korra, you just said he bloodbent you to subdue you! You said nothing about torture!"
"Bloodbending of any kind is torture," Korra shuddered, as she winced at the thought.
"But what did he do to you exactly?" Despite her pressure, Asami's expression showed worry and concern more than anything. "Is that why you were covered in blood when we found you?" "Asami," Korra stammered, shaking her head, "babe, please; just… stop. I… I'm really not emotionally ready to talk about that right now. My life's already fucked up way beyond any reasonable sense of belief and after the whole Tarrlok debacle I'm just not emotionally prepared to deal with it right now."
"Then you're not 'fine'..." She frowned, "and that's what worries me."
"I don't want to be coddled, Asami." Korra looked away.
"I'm not," Asami refuted, "If I was I'd let you keep doing what you're doing—and keep omitting the truth from me and Tenzin. We're not trying to pick you apart to make you feel bad or feel weak—we're trying to figure out what you're going through so we can help. You hate when you get like this, and no one else likes it either."
"And yet nothing's changed," Korra mumbled, "It's only gotten worse. And it's going to just keep getting worse and worse because I apparently can't handle shit anymore!"
"Korra…" Asami sighed, climbing off of her and sitting on the edge of the bed, "do you consider yourself weak?"
"My status as the Avatar doesn't mean squat if I can get floored by anyone who knows how to get under my skin," Korra replied, rolling over so her face was away from Asami. "Everyone said I was literally unstoppable. They can't contain me… and yet that's the opposite of how I feel, Asami. It's like… it's like I can't come to grips with anything anymore. I was terrified when Nakkoa attacked me, and then I thought I was over it…" she paused, sitting up, wrapping her arms around her knees, "but I wasn't! When Amon attacked me at Aang Memorial, everything came rushing back. I felt powerless; I felt violated. Tarrlok's attack was just another episode entirely. I entered the Avatar State and was about to incinerate him… but then I saw myself bound to the wall of the cave that Nakkoa tortured me in. Everything… everything felt so real."
She paused. "Earlier at breakfast when I froze up like that, I would have sworn that I was back at City Hall as I felt the blood in my body force me against my will. These are the kinds of things that are messing with my mind, Asami! These are the things that refuse to let me go! This is what I mean when I say that my mind is so unbelievably fucked up that I can't even begin to process these events properly—and then I take it out on you or someone else I care about and then I just feel so guilty and terrible again."
Korra buried her face into her legs, shifting her hands upward as if to cover her head. "And every time I think I've managed to go more than a few hours without breaking down, this stupid shit happens again… and again, and again, and AGAIN!"
Asami did not respond right away, figuring that it was best to let Korra vent it out before trying to interject. She had not seen Korra this upset since the incident at Aang Memorial Island.
"I just want it to stop…" She sighed, "I want to be able to smile again. I want to laugh; I want my nights at Narook's with Bolin again. I want so badly for another date night with you. I just want to be *happy* again. But since I can't be happy, I just want to get away from everyone—I don't want to drag everyone else down just because I'm stuck in this same old miserable cycle. I don't want my problems to become everyone's problems. All I do when I'm like this is make people upset."
"But that's exactly what you shouldn't be doing, Korra!" Asami pleaded, shifting closer to Korra so that she was within arm's reach, "your trauma isn't what drags us down; it's that hateful, violent funk you slip into when someone asks you what's wrong and you take it as a personal affront or whatever. I want that to stop."
"That's like telling me you want me to cut off my left foot," Korra responded. "I can't just get rid of this trauma—otherwise I would have done so years ago; trust me."
"That's not the same thing!" Asami reasoned, "Korra, none of us are judging you for what happened to you. The only thing we're getting upset at is when you do that thing where you close yourself off and then lash out at anyone who tries to help you. No one's telling you to just get over it—much less me."
"And yet I take so much of my anger out on you!" Korra's tone betrayed that she was definitely crying, "And I don't care what you say, Asami—that's not okay. That will never be okay."
"I'm not saying it is!" Asami moved to sit next to Korra, "Korra—you're 17 years old. What you've experienced isn't normal, and needing support to get through it is not unnatural—and it especially doesn't make you weak."
"What's my age gotta do with this though?" Korra murmured, "you know I hate bringing that up."
"It means that no one your age should have to endure the things you've suffered," Asami replied, "Korra—when Tenzin or I tell you that we're always happy to talk, it doesn't always have to be about what happened to you. Remember all the things we used to talk about before all this Equalist nonsense happened?"
"I would give anything for more days like that," Korra sighed, looking up at Asami with fine streams of tears carving glistening paths down both of her cheeks, "But is it alright? Is it okay if I lean so heavily on you for emotional support?"
"Korra, that's what I've been trying to encourage you to do for weeks now!" Asami put her arm around Korra's shoulder, "I mean this with every ounce of sincerity I can muster. You're not weak; you're not stupid; you're not hopeless. Your trauma is not a trivial matter; your fears are legitimate. But more than any of that, Korra? More than any of that, I still love you. I care about you, and I admire your willpower."
"Oh, don't patronize me," Korra pushed her lightly, although it was much less a dismissive push and more the kind of pushing Korra usually did when she felt affectionate or flattered, "are you sure it's a good idea to be so fond of someone who just abuses you?"
"Korra," Asami moved her hand under Korra's chin to coax the Avatar to look her in the eyes, "A few minutes ago, you said in your own words exactly why your angry outbursts don't frustrate me as much you think they should. Firstly, you admitted that it was a problem. Secondly, you told me straight-up that you are aware that it's not okay. You can blame that on your trauma, but the fact that you not only admit your fault but also recognize that it's not okay and are not trying to justify it is a sign of strength to me. I absolutely love that about you."
"You love the fact that I'm angry and moody half the time?" Korra tilted her head.
"I love that you see a problem and are actively trying to fix it," Asami tugged Korra's hair, gently removing the beads to let it cascade down her shoulders to enable Asami to run her fingers through it in that way Korra so dearly loved. "For all of your emotional breakdowns and outbursts and stress that you're trying to cope with, Korra… you're a wonderful woman and I very much enjoy being around you—and being your girlfriend."
Korra lowered her head, and the tears returned to her eyes.
"I'm not worthy of someone like you, Asami," she sighed, "you could have literally any guy or girl you wanted and yet you choose some angry traumatized Avatar who is way too mean to you?"
"Korra," Asami calmly untangled Korra's hair, running her fingers through it, "we've been over this, and no matter how much you may complain, I still love you."
"But whyyyyy…" Korra whined, mumbling something hardly coherent about inadequacy or not being worthy of someone as wonderful as Asami.
"Because even the Avatar deserves to be happy," Asami grabbed a handful of Korra's thick hair and gave it a playful tug, "and I care about you. Tenzin and I might not fully understand the scope of your trauma, but we want to be there for you when you need support. And again—it's perfectly reasonable to come and ask us for support. It's one thing to accept the events that happened to you, but you don't have to try and trudge through that alone…"
"It's still gonna be hard though," Korra warned.
"If it was easy, I'm sure you could do it with one hand behind your back," Asami chuckled, "because even when you're hurt, you're still strong, Korra. The things you've done and suffered could break most people. So if you need a little rest, or a bit of therapeutic relaxation… that doesn't make you weak. It just means you get to spend time with me." She gave Korra a playful grin, referencing all of those times Korra had referred to Asami's presence as therapeutic.
"Well you are!" Korra insisted, "and so if you're staying with me you just gotta deal with it."
"Of course I'm staying with you," Asami smiled, "and so if you want to just be close to me, I'm more than happy to oblige."
"That… would actually be very nice." Korra closed her eyes, leaning up against Asami for a moment. "Thanks."
"My pleasure." Asami kissed the crown of Korra's head, and for a moment, they were silent.
"Hey, Asami?" Korra broke the silence after a few moments, looking shyly up at her lover.
"Hmm?" Asami raised her eyebrows.
"Can I… um, play with your hair?" Korra muttered sheepishly. "I just… umm…"
"On one condition:" Asami stifled a giggle not wanting to make light of Korra's humble request, "I want to see you smile when you're done."
Korra grinned, and buried her face into Asami's luscious hair. She bit her lip as she felt Korra's warm embrace and touches from behind her. She was also a nuzzler—another little thing about her that Asami loved.
Asami was normally much more of a morning person, but that night she made an exception, and stayed up late with Korra in her room as the two shared gentle, affectionate moments; most of which were from Korra trying to de-stress. She found Asami's hair to be therapeutic, and also admitted that she loved when Asami played with her hair (which was all the more reason Asami adamantly asserted that Korra was not to cut it off under any circumstance).
Even after Asami retired to bed long after Air Temple Island had grown quiet, Korra laid awake after removing most of her clothes as she reflected on the evening's events.
Asami was attractive, but more than just her beautiful appearance and the physical desire that may or may not have been building gradually in both teens over the months, but Korra cherished the relationship itself, because of how genuine and caring Asami was. Korra still felt very insecure about her trauma as well as all of the other nasty doubts and fears that accompanied it, but Asami didn't judge her for any of that. Korra legitimately wanted to overcome her weaknesses, especially after she realized that Asami particularly loved that about her. She felt she owed her lover at least that much.
Either way, she eventually fell asleep with a peaceful smile on her face, hoping that the following day would be as happy as the evening had been.