AUTHOR'S NOTES: As far as characterization goes, Korra's mother was essentially a blank slate that I took a slew of creative liberties with as I fleshed out her character. Not to say I'm going to be discounting or sidelining Tonraq by any means, but Senna is going to have a much larger part to play throughout this story (not that it's a very high bar). Foremost, a lot of things have happened to her that she hasn't shared with too many people, and the rocky history between her and the Red Lotus Sisters is just one of many of these stories.
Happy Reading!
BOOK TWO: CHANGE
CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE: LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER
Korra insisted on a little bit of alone time with her parents, telling them to meet her back at the house after she had said their goodbyes. She was a bit surprised to hear that they had upgraded to an actual palace by now, what with Tonraq being Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, but she didn't think she would have any trouble finding the place.
Her last step was to grab Kwan before she could slip away, which turned out to be much easier than she thought it would, although Kwan looked visibly disturbed.
"You do realize this is a death sentence for me, right kid?" Kwan sighed, "Nothing against you, or even against your parents, but I'm pretty sure your mom wants to mount my head on a pike."
"I'll keep that from happening," Korra promised, "I'm the Avatar, remember? It's just… I don't want it to be like Asami and Hiroshi, where one side threatens fallout unless I disconnect from the other side. I like you, Kwan; but I also like my parents. I don't want those to be mutually exclusive." She gave Kwan a pleading look that made the lavabender groan.
"I hate you so much right now, kid." Kwan growled, knowing there was no way out of this predicament for her. "I come here to help Lin find a healer, and now here I am getting roped into having to go face-to-face with the woman whose daughter I nearly helped kill, and who I've personally fought twice. You really are the worst."
"And yet you decide to come with me," Korra pointed out. She was glad that her friends had stayed behind to give her some alone time with her family, because she didn't want her friends to have to see this potentially awkward encounter between Korra and her parents the way Asami had once. Thinking about that meeting still made her cringe with guilt.
"I accept my fate," Kwan lowered her head as they approached the palace, where Korra's parents were already waiting. "if this is how I need to atone, so be it."
Korra couldn't help but smile sweetly when she saw the faces of her parents properly for the first time in many months, but her expression quickly turned to shock and alert when she noticed her mother's face suddenly contort into a frenzied, bloodthirsty glare.
"Mom, no!" Korra immediately blocked the space between Senna and Kwan, the latter of whom braced herself for what she thought would be certain death. "She's with me!"
"I can forgive Desert Storm," Senna's teeth gritted as she gripped Korra's shoulders with considerable force, frenzied eyes staring deep into Korra's own, "but Korra, that woman was THERE—she was there when her sister and the Red Lotus tried to murder you, and she fought to keep me from coming to your aid!"
Korra gave Tonraq a pleading look, but he shook his head. He was curious as to Korra's reasoning for defending this woman, but could not being himself to side against his wife.
"Look, your kid dragged me here." Kwan raised her hands, "I dunno why unless she wants to kill me, but I'm here because of her—well actually I came down to the tribe to help get Chief BeiFong to a healer, but then Korra roped me into saying hi to the last people in the tribe I ever wanted to see again."
"And why do you suppose that is," Tonraq raised his eyebrow, the question dripping with rhetorical flavour.
"Trust me, I—" Kwan began before Senna immediately cut her off.
"We trusted you for 14 years!" Senna reminded her, "and you repay that trust by taking our little girl and DESTROYING her!"
"If I had known that my sister was going to snap and try and kill Korra I would have throttled her myself!" Kwan barked, "I'm not trying to justify what she did, but Nakkoa wasn't right in the head and neither am I. I didn't deserve a second chance, and I was ready to spend my life in prison or worse. But then this kid decided that I was worth giving another chance." she gestured at Korra, "For whatever reason—and you'll have to get the explanation out of her because I sure as hell don't understand it—she wanted to forgive me; to let me try and start a new honest life away from all the criminals, terrorists, and other undesirables I got myself tangled in with due to my own stupidity and psychosis. Chief Tonraq, I know you probably hate me too, but I want you to know that your daughter is the most important person in my life because she's the only person that cared. She's the only one that had faith in me that I'd be able to turn my shitty life around and maybe do a little good before I inevitably get killed doin' something stupid! Senna, I know you probably want little more than to throw Korra out of the way and turn me into a pincushion with those ice daggers you're famous for and you know what? I probably deserve it! But the thing is, is that you ain't arguin' with me here. If you want to kill me, you're gonna have to convince Korra to step aside, because for whatever reason, she thinks I'm important."
Senna cocked her head at Korra, and in this brief moment, Korra saw something different about her mother that she had not noticed when she was 16, much less when she was 14. There was a blank stare that she had seen in herself many times; it was short-lived, but it made Korra wonder if there was something her mother had hidden from her all these years.
"Kwan's not afraid to die or go back to prison, in her words," Korra reasoned, "if that's the case, then she has all the reason in the world to go back to her old life—and yet she didn't. She stuck by my side in some of the hardest and craziest situations my friends and I dealt with in Republic City. She saved Chief BeiFong's life; she saved my life a few times. She selflessly put herself and her bending on the line just to protect some of us or help expose the Equalists. You can't tell me that this is a woman that doesn't seek to repent above all else. Mom, I love you and I don't want to try and belittle you for anything that may have happened—but look at me, and look at my life. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of either. Maybe that's what it is; or maybe it's just because I'm a stupid kid, but I see merit to repentance. If people couldn't try and turn their lives around after doing dumb shit, a whole lot of people including myself wouldn't be here right now. Surely you can understand that, right?"
Senna sighed and gave Korra a wry smile. Korra glanced at her father and realized that he was smirking at her as well.
"You're just like your mother," he chuckled, "you might have gotten my hotheadedness and impulsiveness, Korra; but you've got your mother's love and passion. It's admirable, and your forgiving nature is… impressive."
Tonraq turned to Senna for a moment, exchanging looks with her and saying "It's time."
"Ikiza…" Senna frowned, "I'll let you and Tonraq talk it out for a while. I… need a few words with my daughter alone."
"Right then," Kwan shrugged, "I'm at your mercy, Chief."
"Is everything alright, dad?" Korra looked concerned suddenly, as if she was being deliberately left out of the loop.
"In a manner of speaking," Tonraq answered, "just trust me on this one, sweetie. I think this will start to make sense very soon."
Senna led Korra down a hall and into a deserted room where she shut the door as the two women sat down.
"Tenzin kept tabs on you while you were in Republic City," Senna began, "and so we know about the kinds of emotional struggles you went through. He had help, so don't blame him for it."
"I'm not going to," Korra shook her head, "I mean, I know that I'm not all here anymore, and I've just gotta deal with it—but I'm not just going to wallow in my misery. I'm going to try and get up and move on from it. I want the world to know that while I might be hurt, that I survived—that whatever happened to me didn't kill me. I know Kwan might have hurt you in the past, mom… but please understand what I say about her. You seemed so… different in there; is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," Senna's softer tone resumed and she put her hands on Korra's shoulders. "As fine as it will ever be, at any rate."
"No!" Korra recoiled suddenly, "No, I recognize this. Mom, you're acting like ME! What happened? Who did this to you!? What aren't you telling me!?"
"I already told you who played a part in doing this to me," Senna frowned, "but… Desert Storm and the associated conflicts may have also taken a much higher toll on me than I ever let on. I saw things and did things that I would not like to repeat. It scarred me; it traumatized me. They were riveting years of combat, but sometimes you experience something that just never lets you go. And so when I heard that my daughter was following in my footsteps from her own trauma, how could I not be furious at the one who helped allow it to happen? Korra, I don't want you doing the same things I did."
"Mom," Korra rose to her feet, reaching for her mother's hand, "I'm the Avatar. I'm going to inevitably get in trouble whether I like it or not. Despite whatever you've been through though, you're still strong too; you were my role model growing up—and you still are. You kept your pain quiet for so long; it took me getting hurt the same way for me to even realize it, and I feel terrible for being so insensitive this whole time!"
"My outburst was… rare," Senna frowned as she took Korra's hand before she looked at it. "But I know the way it messes with your mind, and so to see that happen to my sweet little girl…"
Senna sighed, pulling Korra into an affectionate embrace.
"Mom, you've got this, I swear," Korra started undoing her mother's hair, "I wouldn't be half the woman I am right now if not for you. When it comes to judging your worth, I don't care what happened to you, because I know the real you—you're a kind, loving role model of a woman, and the best mom an Avatar could ever ask for. I know that I can't just tell you to forget everything and trust Ikiza at the drop of a hat, but I can give you my word that I trust her—and that if she ever did anything to break that trust again, I'd be right there with you putting an end to her treachery."
"This is new," Senna pulled back to look Korra in the eyes, "Tenzin always told us that you struggled to come to terms with yourself and everything that happened."
"I did," Korra's eyes had started to water, "For the longest time I thought I was broken and that I was worthless; that my trauma and my injuries defined who I was and prevented me from becoming who I knew I could be… and then one day it just kind of clicked. It took months of fighting and tears from Asami to help me learn it, but eventually I figured it out."
"And then there are those events that shake you up again," Senna frowned, "Those events that dig up all your past trauma and shove it right back in your face."
"Holy shit, yes!" Korra gasped, "I know how that feels, and I'm SO sorry if bringing Kwan back here set that off in you, mom. I hate that feeling; I hate knowing that these events could come back and strike me at any moment if someone triggers them…"
"No, I apologize for my outburst as well," Senna frowned, "My past might explain my actions but it does not justify them. It's hard though—to see my own daughter manifest the same flaws and shortcomings that I struggled with at that age. Maybe I'm just a sentimental old momma, but I miss my exuberant little sweetheart that I had before all of this mess."
Korra's eyes nearly popped out when she felt Senna scoop her up bridal style; and while they were alone, Korra couldn't help but still be embarrassed.
"Mommm…" she whined, "I'm almost 18! I'm not a baby anymore!"
"And you'll always be my little girl," she kissed Korra's cheek sweetly before squeezing her against her chest, "I cannot begin to describe how proud of you I was when I saw you restore Tenzin's bending. I always worried what it would be like, raising the Avatar… but to see my daughter mastering so many powerful and dangerous abilities and then selflessly using them to help so many people… I'm unbelievably proud of you, Korra—and I love you so much."
"I love you too, mom…" Korra sighed, putting her arm around Senna's neck, "After everything that's happened in the last year and a half or so, I was worried that I'd get disowned or something, especially if anyone found out about my violent outbursts. Obviously I don't mean to say that your misfortune's a good thing… but it's just really nice to have someone that understands an idea of what I've been through. It's… relieving in some ways, to know that someone understands that struggle."
"I could say the same, Korra," Senna smiled, setting the Avatar back on her feet and running her hand through Korra's hair, "It pains me to know what's happened to you, but at the same time, an injured part of me is relieved to know that my daughter understands it and respects it."
"Does dad not know or something?" Korra tilted her head as she felt her hair start to come loose thanks to Senna's hands, "I mean, I never thought…"
"Oh, he knows," Senna chuckled, collecting the beads from Korra's hair, "and your father's patience is part of why he's such a popular chief. He's got rough stories of his own to tell, and I think he's handled them better than you or I… but he's very supportive either way."
"That's how Asami is," Korra smiled, thinking about her girlfriend, "I've taken way too much of my frustration out on her, and yet every time I point that out, she tells me that she knows it's not me; that she knows I'm better than that the same way I know it."
"Despite our… awkward meeting," Senna smiled again, "Asami was a good woman from what I saw of her—and know that we both approve of your relationship. Tenzin spoke very highly of her as well in his correspondence."
"They're good friends too," Korra smiled, "Asami's just… she's amazing, mom. I love her to bits and I want you to meet her—this time without me being an impudent little shit giving you death threats. Knowing what I do about you now, I can only imagine how horrible and inconsiderate it must've been for me to do that."
"Korra, don't stress yourself out about my past," Senna ran her hands through Korra's loose hair, "You were hurt, and we were inconsiderate—and you're like me: you don't want to show people that weakness because you think they'll patronize you and treat you different while thinking you're weak. It's a foolish misconception and can be seen as insulting or downright offensive even; and so lashing out is almost to be expected."
"That doesn't justify my behaviour any more than yours though," Korra reasoned, "Mom, I…" Korra stammered for a moment before sighing and pulling her mother into a firm embrace once again. "Thank you for telling me this about you. It's amazing how alike we are in that regard. I hated telling people about this because I felt like it made me come off as weak or helpless, and when people think you're weak they start treating you differently. I don't want to be treated differently just because I'm hurt."
"I didn't either," Senna nodded in agreement, "and I'm afraid that's why I tried to hide it from you for so long, Korra. I didn't want my daughter to walk on eggshells around me out of fear of triggering an unwanted reaction in me, and even with what you now know about me, I don't want you to change your views of who I am."
"Well, I can respect not bringing up things that might trigger traumatic memories, right?" Korra pouted, "I mean, I'd kind of hope to get the same treatment, you know?"
"Of course!" Senna chuckled, "it's just… it's difficult to explain, but I think you know well enough what I mean, don't you?"
"I do," Korra nodded, "I think. I love you though, mom—and no amount of trauma is going to change that. Even with Asami and how much I love her, you and dad are my role models, and I'll always look up to you."
"That's all the more reason I'm so incredibly proud of you, Korra," Senna smiled, "For everything you've done, you didn't let it get to your head."
"Oh, I did," Korra shook her head, "and as much as I hate to admit it, I think Nakkoa, Tarrlok, Noatak, Hiroshi, and the Equalists were all active parts in what humbled me—the events that shook me as well."
"I understand." Senna nodded, before smiling softly, "Come; let's see how your father is handling Ikiza. Wary as I might be of her, I trust my daughter's judgment."
"To know that someone trusts me…" Korra smiled, "that means a lot to me, mom. And don't feel pressured or anything, but um, what exactly happened in Desert Storm?"
"That…" Senna sighed, "I'm not ready to say, Korra. I'm sorry—that seems especially cruel and hypocritical to say right after I said I trusted you, but this isn't a matter of trust."
"No, I understand actually," Korra shook her head, "There are some things that happened to me that I don't feel comfortable talking about either. I totally understand."
"Well," Senna smiled as they headed back in to see Tonraq and Kwan again, "if it's any consolation, I've told it to your father enough that I'm sure he could recite it from memory…"
"I'll wait until you're ready though," Korra declared, "because it's the right thing to do."
Senna did not reply, but both women had matching smiles as they returned to the main room.