AUTHOR'S NOTES: Don't mind the delay; it's not about to become the norm. I got caught up working on a model sheet for TAIC-Korra to help better visualize the differences between her and the Korra from the show. She's still mostly the same, but there's been a few very obvious physical changes that have happened to her, most notably her scars and her tattoo. More on that when it gets finished though. In the meantime, it's time for some character introspection, as well as what might be considered a Kwan redemption arc of source. Am I teasing a certain ship? Maybe I am; maybe I'm not. Time will tell~...
Happy Reading!

BOOK THREE: WATER

CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR: A COMING OF AGE

Korra took the large book and looked back at Kwan with a skeptical expression.

"Nakkoa kept a journal?" She tilted her head.

"She's the one who inspired the others to encourage you to do the same," Kwan gave a hollow chuckle, "but I mean—if you don't want it or want to destroy it without ever looking at it… I can't say I'll blame you. There's… a lot of disturbing material in there, and a lot of the last entries are about you, even. I just… I dunno. I guess I thought maybe it might explain a few things that were going through my sister's head before she threw all sense of reason to the wind and… well I'm sure you know what happened after that."

"I do." Korra sighed, gripping the book tighter as she sat back down. "And that incident was the one that started it all… it REALLY fucked me up, Kwan. It's still messing me up in some ways, and all the Equalist attacks we just went through only made it worse."

"I'm not proud of it," Kwan shook her head, "and in a way I feel like it's my fault. She leaned on me for so many things, and I was oblivious to so much of her pain."

"How much did she share with you?" Asami raised an eyebrow, "because there's only so much you can do for someone that won't help themselves." she thought back to Korra and how hard she had had to fight to get Korra to open up about her problems and insecurities. "Especially if that person enjoys murder the way Shenzi did."

"Right, right…" Kwan scratched the back of her head, realizing why Asami would have justified harsh opinions about Nakkoa. "Well, she didn't say too much, but even then, would you have stopped hounding Korra if she hadn't opened up to you?"

"No…" Asami paused, "I suppose I wouldn't have. I do hope you realize who you are talking to when you're trying to paint your sister in a different light though."

"I do," Kwan sighed, "and look; if there was anything I could do as penance I'd have offered it. I mean, if you really want to still kill me, just get Korra's permission and I'm yours."

"What is it with people wanting to kill each other as penance or whatever?" Korra pouted," seriously guys; I didn't bust ass trying to save you just for you to throw it all away so fast. There's a difference between a monster and someone who has done bad things and wants to correct them! Just… stop with that. It… I don't like it. I didn't like it with Tarlok, and I really don't like it with you, Kwan."

"I'm not going to kill her, Korra." Asami shook her head, "I heard your mother had first dibs on her anyways, but even then, that doesn't change the frustration I'm dealing with. It's not your fault; Ikiza is guilty by association, but that doesn't make it her fault either—not directly at least."

"Tarrlok, you say?" Kwan raised an eyebrow, "I mean, he's a looker, but don't tell me he messed up your life too, eh Sato?"

"Beyond learning the horrors he committed against Korra?" Asami scowled, "fortunately no. I defer to Korra's judgment though because I would have done things a little differently if it were me. Perhaps it's just another moment of weakness. I'm way too tense right now."

"Look," Kwan shook her head, "Asami, I ain't gonna lie—I feel like shit for a lot of reasons, and I wanna help you. Clearly there's nothin' I can or need to do financially for you, and I don't exactly imagine I have any skills that could benefit you. It's just…"

She sighed. "I've spent my whole life doing stupid shit, and my childhood was spent under the mantle of indifferent and/or abusive parents. It doesn't justify my idiotic behaviour, and if I could take back the things I did I absolutely would. I just… I wish I was better at explainin' just how badly I want to put all that behind me and just start over. I left my heritage—my connection to princess Azula—behind me. I left the Agni Kais; I left the Red Lotus… I even changed my name for fuck's sake… and it's like every time I try to do somethin' good in my life it comes back to kick me in the face. Even when I talk to you… the way I see the pain etched into your face from seein' what Yasuko's death did to your dad, and what it and Hiroshi's anger did and is doin' to you… you shouldn't forgive me—not after everything I've done."

"I don't think I'm ready to," Asami shook her head, "but that's my own fault. Perhaps someday I'll be able to make peace with you, Ikiza. It… just won't be today."

"I'll let you know if I ever make peace with myself about it," Kwan hummed.

"Have you ever considered companionship?" Korra raised her eyebrow, "It's done wonders for me—I mean, Asami's pretty much the best person ever, but still."

"Flatterer," Asami chuckled.

"If only it were that easy," Kwan lowered her head with a hollow chuckle, "but I don't exactly have a lot going for me without looks or money—and certainly without any charm or prestige. Being a criminal really kind of puts a damper on that."

"I think you're just being too hard on yourself," Korra pointed out.

"Of course you do," Kwan shook her head, laughing. "Kid, look—I'm almost 40 years old. I'm pretty sure any chance of romance for me has long since set sail."

"Hey," Korra argued, "if I can forgive Councilman Tarrlok, then I can forgive you—and I'm sure that others can too. Maybe even Asami, although I don't want to speak for her on that."

"Tarrlok, hmm?" Kwan hummed, clearly mulling something over, "I'll have to remember that, Korra. You really are too good for this world, you know that?"

"I'm really not," Korra shook her head, "but thanks for having faith in me. I… still have things I need to work out, and I'm not sure I'm ready to peer into Nakkoa's mind just yet. I've got a few things of my own I need to sort out before I'd even feel ready."

"Like I said," Kwan stood up, "do it on your own terms, if you even decide to do it at all. Oh, and I know it's tomorrow, but… happy birthday."

"Thanks," Korra smiled, "if I had known so much was going to happen all right before my birthday, I'd have just stayed in bed."

"Except you wouldn't have," Kwan riposted immediately, "you'd still be banging on my door to come help, because you don't know how to keep your head out of trouble when people are in danger. It's admirable—a pain in my ass, but admirable nonetheless."

"Touché," Korra shook her head before turning to Asami, "I think we could probably head out now, unless there was more you needed to do?"

"No, I'm good," Asami didn't even look up from her book, "take your time."

"Are you sure? Because that sounds exactly like something you'd say if something was wrong, or was nagging at the back of your mind."

"I'm okay. I just apparently needed a little more time before I can make peace. Despite that, this was a learning experience for me as well. Don't worry, Korra. It's fine, I promise."

"No more secrets then?"

"No more secrets. If you're ready to go, then so am I."

"I guess we'll be off then," Korra stood up, "Thanks for your time and hospitality, Kwan."

"I know there ain't much I can do, but if you ever need anything, go ahead and bang on my door. Not that that's ever stopped you before, and while I might be grudging about it, I'm still willing."

"If Asami or I need anything, I'll be sure to let you know," Korra promised as Asami rose to her feet as well, "Thanks again, Kwan."

"No, Avatar." Kwan shook her head, "Thank you."

Despite everything, and despite neither of them leaving Sato Estate that day, Asami and Korra spent the rest of the evening alone, both of them pondering many different things and events that had occurred over the last week or two. Korra was not expecting much from her birthday apart from whatever surprises Asami had promised, but she laid in bed back in her nightclothes (which Asami had called her out for dressing in so early), pondering her life.

There had been multiple attempts on her life, and she had physical scars from trauma and abuse. There were people who had tried to break her mentally just as much as physically, and through all of this, she was barely 18 years old. She still bore the gaping mental scars (as well as the two prominent physical scars) from the attempt on her life halfway through her 16th year, and it was that moment that Korra still felt had been the first of many that had forced her to grow up much faster than she anticipated. Amon and Tarrlok had treated her like adults. Hiroshi had treated her like an adult even before he had turned on her—or perhaps he had never even been her friend at all. Even her friends and allies, such as Tenzin, Lin, and even Kwan, had always treated her like she was more than twice her real age. Unalaq and Nakkoa had done the same. To Zaheer it had made no difference. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense that she was sensitive about her age.

More than that though, she wondered where she would be in a year. Would she even live to see 19; and if she did, where would she be in life? All that talk about Harmonic Convergence suddenly surged back into Korra's mind. That was sometime in the next year if the predictions of Unalaq and the Red Lotus were correct. Unalaq in particular had seemed unnaturally obsessed with the notion, and she had picked up several hints and clues about this event from him. All she knew was that it somehow involved the spirit portals in the Southern and Northern Water Tribes, and that she, the Avatar, was important for this event. She wondered if there were past Avatars that could shed light on this subject. These were the things that swam through her mind as she drifted off to sleep that night.

Incidentally, the welcoming gift that Asami had woken Korra up with that morning (midmorning to be exact; Asami knew far too well about Korra's distaste for the morning proper) put most other thoughts about Harmonic Convergence out of her mind for the time being. The sight of Asami Sato in slinky undergarments and heels that shaped her lower body tended to have that effect The breakfast in bed certainly didn't hurt either, but all in all, Korra found the series of events that followed to be a great way to start the day.

"So you know that I'm not much of a planner, right?" Korra admitted after the 'recovery'.

"Not even on your special day?" Asami feigned surprise, "Who would have thought?"

"I trusted you," Korra chuckled, tugging a lock of Asami's hair playfully, "Come now, I'm sure you came up with something for the night."

"Kwong's Cuisine, tonight at 7:30?" Asami replied like clockwork.

"And see, this is exactly why I trust you for these sorts of things, babe." Korra chuckled. "I'd forget my own shirt if you weren't here to remind me."

"If I was there to remind you, I'd tell you not to wear one at all," Asami teased.

"I'll keep that in mind," Korra smirked and elbowed her in turn. "I don't think I'm going anywhere this afternoon though, since I kind of planned on taking this day off from any of my other operations long ahead of time. I'm sure Republic City will understand."

"There's nothing wrong with doing things for yourself now and again," Asami reminded her, "your needs are important too. I'm glad you've realized that."

"I'm sorry it caused you so much screaming and fighting," Korra nodded, "you definitely didn't deserve it, and I know you were only trying to help."

"Like I've said before; it's fine," Asami smiled. "I knew it wasn't you, and so I was willing to try and keep the real Korra at the forefront of your stage. The rest… is history."

Incidentally, like in many cases, Korra and Asami did not interact much over the next few hours. Korra was actually pondering this for once; she had no doubt that Asami loved her and that it was a mutual relationship, and she couldn't really blame Asami anyways, considering that she didn't exactly try to connect during these "downtimes" either.

Still, Asami found it a rather pleasant surprise when Korra came in, fully dressed (boots, skirt, and all) from the waist down, but wearing nothing above her waist except the light blue armband around her right bicep. Asami winced as she saw the wicked burn scars on the left side of Korra's neck and her right forearm, especially as the lightning scar on her hand carved into the fringes of the burn scar no less. Still, all in all it was a pleasant view.

"Alright, what's the story?" She glanced at Korra's toned form, although her eyes darted from her abdomen up to her bust and then to her face, before finally settling on Korra's right forearm, which was no doubt the most damaged part of Korra's body thus far.

"Honestly, I just wanted to talk," Korra sat down on the floor, crossing her legs. "And you said not to wear a shirt at all, so I didn't."

"I didn't think you actually would, much less go fully topless," Asami quipped got up from her desk and moved behind her, massaging the Avatar's exposed back. "But that aside, what's on your mind? Is something still gnawing at you?"

"Nothing traumatic this time," Korra shrugged. This was much less a lie and more just Korra not thinking about it, "More just that I'm curious about us. You know how we often go for hours or sometimes even days at a time without even talking to each other?"

"I was wondering if you'd bring it up," Asami admitted, "I just figured that those were times you either didn't want to be disturbed or that you didn't feel like anything needed to be said."

"Oh," Korra was relieved, "yeah, that's kind of the gist of it. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything. You know those times when you're reading or something and I'm just sitting on the floor nearby or something? To me it just felt like that. There's something about the way you think, Asami, that drives me. It's like you can read my thoughts and emotions, and just know ways to keep me happy without even saying anything."

"Sometimes that's all it takes," Asami hummed, also playing with Korra's hair, occasionally taking strands and tickling Korra's shoulders with them, "sometimes I just like knowing you're here—especially as of recent. I like how sometimes you're talkative, and other times you just want to be around me."

"Well yeah," Korra hummed amidst a groan as she felt Asami's fingers apply pressure to her tense shoulders, "when I'm by myself my mind tends to wander and it's seldom ever pretty. With you around… I guess I just feel safe. Nnngh!"

Korra let out another long groan as Asami dug into her tense muscles. Asami's hands were so soft, but her grip was firm; she may not have been as strong as Korra (that was an honour that legitimately few could match), but she was a lot stronger than she looked. Maybe it was that whole "pretty rich girl" vibe she gave off, but Korra wouldn't change that for the world. Barring that she could name 1001 reasons she was attracted to Asami without even mentioning her physical appearance, Korra found that Asami was also, in fact, extremely beautiful.

"That's how you should feel," Asami hummed. "Especially after all the betrayal you've faced from people you thought were so close to you, and…" she trailed off. "Let's just say I'm really glad a certain someone was born 18 years ago today—and that their position as the Avatar does so little to sway that opinion."

"Honestly," Korra put her face into her hands, more to hide her blush than from actual distress, "with how many people that have tried to dehumanize me over the last 3 or 4 years, you wouldn't believe how much that means to me—or I guess you would."

"I love you, Korra." Asami chuckled, "and I'm going to make sure you enjoy tonight…"