Hello! I finally got back from my trip and was able to write, so I hope you like this chapter!

Thank you to Rose099, desdelor97, Son of Whitebeard, CoolFanfictionLover, trispectrum, htennis, mwinter1, lancewolf6, Xzeria, ObsessedWithHPFanFic and Katzztar for your nice reviews! And thank you for everyone who favorited/followed as well!

It's been a long time, so for anyone who doesn't remember and doesn't want to read last chapter again:

Summary of last chapter: 3rd session with Carmen. Harry decides to be more proactive when searching for information and achieving things he wants. He realizes he often holds back a lot because of Ron, and decides to try to find out what his own interests are. He also decides he wants to manage his emotions better, so Carmen recommends yoga and he buys a book about it. He also decides to write to McGonagall to change his electives, and writes to Flourish and Blotts to ask for more useful books. Sirius gets fed up with Hermione and decides to ask Andromeda for help to secure him a credible defendant for his trial.

DISCLAIMER: I don't make any profit from this story, and anything you recognize from the Harry Potter saga is not mine.

Chapter 12

'9. Inhale. 10. Exhale' counted Harry as he breathed, doing the last Sun Salutation of that morning. Anto sighed in relief at having ended and let herself fall on the sand for a moment. It was only their second day of Yoga, and the teens had found it hard. So far they had only practiced the basic three positions and Sun Salutation routine, but doing those for half an hour without getting exhausted was near impossible. It didn't help matters that they had also jogged for half an hour before doing yoga, as Anto had admitted she was supposed to do it to keep in shape for gymnastics so they decided to do both. Harry huffed loudly to catch his breath, though he felt satisfied. Yoga really did help to clear your emotions, as you had to focus only on one thing at a time and leave your mind blank. If they kept it up, he would probably be able to handle everything better after some time.

He walked to the edge of the water and put his feet inside, reveling in the cold after exercising in the hot sun of Barcelona. Jogging, surprisingly, also helped to clear his thoughts, and left him somehow energized, even though he was quite tired. He felt motivated to do it again. Suddenly, he felt his clothes go wet, and turned around to face Anto who had a mischievous expression after splashing him. He broke into a genuine grin.

'You think you'll get away with that?' He joked threateningly, though his laughter betrayed him.

'Yes' Anto replied, and splashed him again laughing, this time getting him completely wet. Harry laughed loudly and walked towards her quickly.

'You're going to regret this' he told her, making a show of advancing. She laughed freely and tried to escape from him, but she wasn't fast enough. He took her in his arms without thinking, and held her firmly while she struggled, walking deeper into the water. 'Nope, it's not that easy' he told her smirking 'I told you you were going to regret it'.

'Ok, sorry, I give up!' she told him laughing hysterically 'just let me down!' Harry, once again, marveled at how free he felt with her. Laughter and games came without hesitation, whereas before he wouldn't have dreamed of teasing a girl, much less picking her up without feeling completely uncomfortable.

'Mmm, I'm thinking about it' he told her. The water came up to his thighs now, and the hem of his shorts was already wet. 'I will let you down on one condition' he told her grinning mischievously while holding her dangerously close to the water. She squealed and gripped him tighter around his neck.

'Fine, anything, just don't drop me' she said, still laughing.

'Kiss me' he asked, looking into her eyes. He didn't need to tell her twice, as she instantly pulled him closer and closed the gap between them. The feeling was amazing, he felt heat explode in his chest and he didn't want to let go. He could hardly believe this was actually happening to him, it seemed too good to be true.

'Happy?' asked Anto after she pulled back and grinned cheekily, shaking his deep feelings and reminding him of their bargain. He smirked back at her.

'Very' he said, and promptly dropped her into the water. She sputtered, still laughing, and Harry felt satisfied for leaving her speechless, even for a few moments.

'You cheated!' she complained grinning. Her workout t-shirt clung to her body in a way Harry found very sexy, and for one moment he wished it were white so he could see the bra underneath. He shook the strange thought, wondering where it came from, and focused on the banter.

'No I didn't! I said I'd let you down and that's exactly what I did!' he replied grinning, noting happily that he had left her speechless again.

'Oh yeah? How do you like this?' Anto asked recovering, and she hugged him and pulled him with her into the water. Harry felt his clothes soaking and cursed, though he couldn't help finding it very funny. Anto was grinning at him, their faces close, and he kissed her, not getting up from the water.

'Ok fine, you win' he told her smiling, his arm still around her. Her eyes were shining and the sun reflected on her face, and he thought she had never looked more beautiful.

'I know' she said breathlessly, looking at him intensely, and he stared back into her blue eyes, becoming mesmerized. He had the strong urge to say something that would describe how happy he felt in this moment, but he couldn't find the right words, so he settled for hugging her close. She hugged him back and he didn't know how much time they stayed like that, in comfortable silence.

Suddenly, Harry saw a barn owl coming towards them and let a mystified Anto go in order to untie the letter from his leg. He opened it seeing Sirius' handwriting, and felt his heart soaring with each word, making this day even more perfect. His letter to the director had worked, and Sirius would have a trial.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows at the letter, and even more at the signature. She had long given up on Mr. Potter putting more effort in his academics, but it looked like it was finally happening, which made her glad. James and Lily had both been brilliant in some subjects, and among her favorite students. She was sure that, had they been alive, they would have never let their son choose the easiest electives, so she had been very disappointed when he did. Unfortunately, her status as Hogwarts professor forbid her from influencing his choice unless specifically asked for advice, so she hadn't been able to warn him against it, even though she very much wanted to. In any case, now he had finally decided it on his own.

It was very uncommon to ask for a change of electives starting 5th year, but it wasn't hard to solve the problem. Harry could obviously not start 5th year Runes and Arithmancy, but she could send him to the 3rd year class, and he could take the Runes and Arithmancy OWLs along with his NEWTs. The Ministry required him to take at least nine OWLs the first time regardless of how many he passed, but since Mr. Potter was muggle raised he could easily drop divination and take the Muggle Studies OWL instead. After all, there was no rule that stated that you had to take a class to take the respective OWL or NEWT exam, otherwise Miss Granger's feat with the time turner would have been much more common.

She picked a quill and composed the letter to Mr. Potter proposing her solution, feeling happy that she could help him with his academics. Though she had a soft spot for him due to his parents, it was hard to form a connection with the teen. He was very closed off and wary of trusting people, and to her shame, she had not given him much reason to. She had not believed him about the Philosopher's Stone ordeal in first year, and he had never asked for her help again until now. She hoped their relationship would improve during the next years, though she didn't have high hopes on it. In any case, she was glad to be able to help him this time, even if it was a very small thing.

'And after the last witness, I will proceed to describe how the evidence clearly states that you are innocent, and describe the major errors in the previous procedure of your case' continued Rupert Goldstein confidently, and Sirius nodded attentively, satisfied. He was glad he had come to Andromeda, as she had easily been able to secure him a credible defendant. Rupert Goldstein was very knowledgeable about the laws and politics of the Wizengamot, as his older brother was a member, so he had received the necessary training just in case. He could also secure the two votes House Goldstein had through his brother, having seen the profit of an alliance with the House of Black were he to be declared innocent at the trial.

'Well, it looks like your defense is a sure victory' Andromeda told him smugly.

'Merlin, I hope so' sighed Sirius 'I'm fed up with being cooped up at Grimmauld all the time. Molly Weasley thinks she can run the house however she wants, and Snape comes every few days only to remark how he's so useful in the war and I'm not' he spat, becoming angry and defeated in a span of seconds 'I'm sick of it. I want to help and do something useful, and I want to take care of Harry properly'. He had noticed immediately how much Harry hated his relatives; he needed to get the kid out of there. He had listened to Dumbledore when he said the best for Harry was to stay with his family because Sirius thought the old man knew best, though he failed to understand how anything could possibly be better than a house under the fidelius with Dumbledore himself as the secret keeper. But now, the dog-animagus was having his doubts. If it had taken only a letter to Amelia Bones to secure him a trial, there were clearly things Dumbledore overlooked. And Sirius strongly suspected one of those things was Harry's happiness. If he was set free, he would request the formal guardianship of Harry, as was stated in Lily and James' will…and then he would take his godson to live with him, no matter what anyone else thought.

'You're living at Grimmauld Place?' Andromeda asked sharply, interrupting his inner monologue. 'What were you thinking? You've always hated that house!' she was looking at him disbelievingly, making him wonder why she hadn't known and why she cared so much.

'Yeah, I offered it as Headquarters for the order, I assumed Tonks had told you that' he told her mildly 'Remus is also living there, and the Weasleys moved over for safety' he explained, now gritting his teeth.

'Sirius, are you crazy?' Andromeda said angrily 'lending it as headquarters doesn't mean you have to live there full time! You have at least ten properties, just make one your home and floo to Grimmauld for meetings! Why would you get out of Azkaban to stay inside that awful house? You always said it was like a prison for you!' Sirius looked at her in shock, not knowing what to think. He had realized he was still the Black Heir when he had gone to Gringotts to get the money for the Firebolt for Harry, so it was logical that he should own properties aside from the vaults and jewels, but it had never occurred to him to check, not that it surprised him too much. It wasn't until last May when Dumbledore had suggested for him to look for his old house that he had realized that maybe living in a cave at Hogsmeade wasn't the best option. Clearly, Azkaban had somehow addled his thought process to some degree, even if he was saner than all the other prisoners.

'I guess it would be nice to live without Molly telling me where to store my own stuff every day' he mused 'and without everything being cursed, and my dear mother screaming, and that bastard Kreacher…' He trailed off, the awful memories being left unsaid 'But I already welcomed the Weasleys there, I can't just tell them to leave, their house doesn't have the wards ours does' he told his cousin, who wasn't fazed.

'So, let them live there, and let Molly do whatever she wants with the place' said Andromeda firmly 'just tell them and Dumbledore that the house is Headquarters and anyone who needs a safe house can stay, including the Weasleys, but you will live wherever you want' she told him, softening her voice 'if nothing else, you deserve to live your own life Sirius. And that does not allow for Molly or Dumbledore or anyone to decide where you stay, or where you store your things'.

'Yeah, you're right' Sirius told Andromeda 'I'll ask Remus to move in with me though. I don't think I would be able to live alone, I'd go crazy. Well, if I have it my way Harry will too, but he'll be at Hogwarts most of the time…' noticing he was rambling, he stopped talking, ignoring Andromeda's indulgent smile. 'I have to find out which properties I own, I should request a meeting with Sharptooth. Do you think I should do it now or after the trial?' he asked his cousin.

'I think you should start now, at least deciding which one you want to use' Andromeda mused 'After all, it takes a long time to make the preparations, so it's better to get a head start'. Sirius nodded thoughtfully, thinking she was right. After all, it's not like he had many things to do right now and the earliest he moved out of that wretched place the better. If he was freed he would have a lot more to do, and would not be able to dedicate himself wholly to his living arrangements. And if he wasn't… well, he did not want to put up with his confinement to a house he hated any longer. He would pick a place that was completely unfamiliar, had a lot of space and also a nice house elf.

'Can I use your owl?' he asked Andromeda cheerfully. His cousin promptly lent him parchment and a quill, and Sirius set to writing the letter, his spirits lifting. He didn't know whether it was the having something to do, the promise of his impending trial or the being away from Grimmauld Place, but today had been the best day for him since he met Harry. If the reason was the latter, moving away was a doubly good idea.

'Hi Carmen' greeted Harry, with a new spring in his step that was noticeable from a mile away.

'Hi Harry, you look cheerful today' replied Carmen smiling, cutting straight to the chase. Harry smiled back, sitting on his usual couch and prepared to talk.

'I got a letter from Sirius…what I did with the memory worked and he will have a trial in two weeks' he said excitedly. He couldn't believe it had actually worked, and so quickly on top of that. He had thought that Dumbledore had exhausted all possibilities to get his godfather a trial, but clearly the simplest one had not occurred to the old headmaster. Harry was glad that it had worked, and that he had helped Sirius with something important. He was also satisfied to note that thinking of other solutions for himself and acting on what he wanted had ended up in good results, and it motivated to keep trying, even if it didn't come naturally to him.

'I've always depended too much on others' opinions, especially in the Wizarding World' Harry told Carmen after the rest of his diatribe 'especially Dumbledore, Ron and sometimes Hermione. It's one of the things I would like to improve'.

'And why do you think that happens?' prompted Carmen 'because it seems to me as it's not that you depend on their specific opinions, but that you don't give much importance to your own'. Harry mulled that over, not knowing what to think. There were some situations in which he did whatever he pleased, and his friends had followed him no matter how stupid the idea had been. For example, he could now see that going after the stone instead of telling the other professors in first year, or telling only Lockhart instead of all the teachers about the chamber had been stupid ideas, but Ron had followed him without question, and so had Hermione the time she had been awake. But those were specific times, because he had been desperate and forceful, and he had very much conveyed how important doing that was right. Nevertheless, most of the time when he wanted something, like staying out of the Dursleys' for the summer, getting out of the tournament, freeing Sirius, etc. he had brought it up, and accepted it couldn't be done as soon as Dumbledore or another person told him so. Why did he do this? Why was he so quick to accept that other people were right instead of him, even when they discussed things he cared about? Dumbledore hadn't been right about Sirius after all, but even if he had been, it was important to defend his point of view, wasn't it? And to do everything in power to achieve what he wanted. Harry thought it might have to do with the Dursleys, who had always undermined and ignored his opinions, and made him feel like he wasn't worthy of having one. Maybe he'd got used to feeling like his thoughts were less important.

He didn't really want to think about this, or to talk about it, memories of that house were always very painful and he would rather forget them all together. But maybe, it was important to acknowledge where his problems came from to get better, though he suspected it would unleash unwelcome feelings. He had always suppressed everything that had to do with his family, but maybe the effects they'd had on his personality went deeper than he thought. If that was the case, he would have to fix them, and for that he had to explore them, no matter how painful it was. If their treatment had made him accept others' opinions too easily, he would have to get rid of that trait, not only because it was healthier for him, but also not to let the Dursleys win.

'I think it might have to do with how my relatives treated me' Harry told Carmen, embarrassed when he noticed that his voice came out choked 'but it's hard to talk about it'. To his shame, his eyes were welling with tears, even though he tried to suppress them. He tried to say something about Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia telling him not to ask questions, making him do all the chores of the house or denying him food, but as he remembered everything he couldn't make the words come without sobs.

'It is normal to feel pain Harry' Carmen told him softly 'you shouldn't be ashamed of crying'. It was like she had opened a dam, and the tears came down in hundreds despite his efforts. He couldn't shake his thoughts from real and imaginary interactions with the Dursleys, and it made him cry even harder.

'They always called me stupid and stuff like that' Harry told the psychologist, still sobbing and helping himself to the tissues beside him 'When I asked them something they told me to shut up and called me a name, and eventually I stopped trying, I knew they would never listen'. He wanted to continue, but stayed quiet. He suspected he would start crying harder and his words would become unintelligible if he kept talking.

'And how did that make you feel?' asked Carmen.

'Unvalued. Like I wasn't worth anyone's time…or anything really' Harry told her without thinking, still crying. As soon as he said it, he knew it was right, even though he'd never wondered about it before. Was it possible that he still felt worthless, and that was why he always let other people decide his life for him? That he wasn't worthy of their love, so he had to keep them happy in order to earn it? He'd heard in stories that love was an unconditional thing that you couldn't help, but now he realized he had never felt like that with anyone. With Ron and Hermione he always felt slightly insecure. He had never told them about his family, or about his feelings on things he cared for, or searched for his own interests, he had always tried to accommodate them the best he could. When Ron had stopped talking to him last year, he had attached himself to Hermione and her studies, and been bored out of his mind. Why hadn't he searched for his own interests instead? After three weeks in the muggle world, he could clearly see he had some. Why hadn't he tried to get to know more people? Was he really so afraid of letting Ron and Hermione down? Was it normal to feel that you couldn't always be yourself with your friends? To feel that their love was conditional on him doing things they approved of and avoiding what they didn't like?

'Well, that is not how most people feel with their friends' Carmen told him delicately 'usually in healthy relationships people tend to feel free, like they could open up completely and still be loved and accepted'. Harry saw the logic in this, but it still seemed a foreign concept. With Anto he felt like that, but he thought he couldn't call their feelings 'love' yet. With Sirius he had a strong hunch that they could have that sort of relationship, but to be honest, he didn't really know the man. With the rest, he had never felt like that. Why was he unable to have what Carmen called 'a healthy relationship' with most people? He would have certainly been happier.

'Well, it seems to me that the only way you knew was your relatives' way, so you replicated that in your next relationships' Carmen told him 'with some people it might be different, maybe because their personalities don't remind you of the Dursleys at all, or maybe because you met them now that you are older and already have people that do love you and thus feel less insecure about yourself. It is a great progress that you are able to interact feeling free, even if it's only with two people'.

'So what can I do to be able to feel like that with other people too?' Harry asked. Now that he had experienced the way he felt with Anto, he wasn't eager to feel contained again with his friends. It would be great to be able to tell them what he thought at all times instead of keeping quiet to avoid an argument.

'Well, you won't achieve it in a few days' Carmen responded 'but we will work on your self-esteem, so you will start feeling like your opinions are just as valid as other people's and that you can be loved without the need to censor yourself. You will also have to work on your own though… a good exercise is trying to identify when you are avoiding saying what you think because you are afraid of what others think, and not because you want to, and when you realize this, force yourself to say it. I know it doesn't come naturally, and it will be difficult, but it will gradually get easier. Another good exercise is trying to get to know new people while saying what you think and being yourself, instead of trying to project a specific image and censoring things. This will be easier, because it's harder to modify existing relationships than to form new ones'. Harry thought about this carefully, mulling it over. Both things seemed like hard to do, but he could see how they would benefit him in the long run. And it was a good idea to meet other people…at Hogwarts he only ever talked to Ron and Hermione; he didn't even know his other roommates beyond basic information. Maybe with other people he would have different chemistry, and he wouldn't be so intimidated by what they thought. He could see himself telling Dean off for something, for example, but it was still impossible to imagine himself telling Ron to shut up and get over himself when he said something mean to someone. He was so used to letting Ron and Hermione say what they wanted to him that he couldn't really picture that changing too soon, though he would do his best. Maybe being himself with new people would be good practice.

'Goblins are not really that weird' Harry told Anto, laughing at her scrunched up nose. He was lying on the sand looking at the night sky, and she was facing him, her arms and chin resting on his chest.

'Well, they smelled weird' she said, and he laughed again at her funny expression 'plus they took me by surprise, I didn't expect anything non human to talk, much less things I've read about in fantasy stories'.

'Too bad you won't be seeing centaurs then, I would love to see your face' he replied grinning. She slapped him complaining playfully, and he again felt the pleasant feeling spreading across his chest that was now the norm instead of the exception. He tightened his arm around her back, still grinning. He wondered if she wanted to have an official relationship with him. He would love to call her his girlfriend; even if their relationship was probably going to end once he went back to school. He didn't know what she thought though…would it be awkward, or would she think he was pathetic if he asked her?

'A good exercise is trying to identify when you are avoiding saying what you think because you are afraid of what others think, and not because you want to, and when you realize this, force yourself to say it' resonated Carmen's voice from today's session. He knew that was what he was doing, but it was a lot easier to decide it than to actually do it. He looked at Anto, trying to master the courage, but his lips seemed unable to open. Would she not want to? She probably thought a real relationship was pointless if he was going to leave soon. Would she feel uncomfortable? What if he ruined what they had? He didn't think he could take that. The three days since their first kiss had been the best in his life…maybe he would wait to find out what Anto wanted before asking her to be his girlfriend.

'What are you thinking?' she interrupted suddenly. Harry looked at her in alarm, searching his mind for something to tell her, but his brain seemed to have gone blank. She was looking at him intently, and he figured he had been staring while debating whether to ask her the question. Carmen's words resonated in his mind again, giving him courage. After all, how would he get better at being himself if he couldn't even do it with the person he felt most free with?

'Iwouldlikeyoutobemygirlfriend' he blurted out fast, the words almost burning in his throat. Anto looked confused, blushing a little under his gaze, but he didn't regret it, even if he had probably made a fool of himself. Carmen was right. It did feel better when you said what you wanted, even if it was difficult. At least it had been easier than asking Cho to the Yule Ball.

'Sorry, I didn't catch that' Anto told him, still blushing. He groaned internally at having to repeat the question, as if it hadn't been hard enough the first time. Nevertheless, he now felt more confident. She wasn't going to run away or anything drastic, if she didn't want to have a formal relationship it wasn't too important.

'I was thinking that I'd like you to be my girlfriend' he said more calmly, though still nervously. Anto blushed heavily, but she seemed thrilled, so he decided he'd made the right decision.

'I would really like that too' she replied, blushing even harder 'I didn't know if you wanted that, so I didn't ask'.

'Well, luckily I'm braver than you' he joked, and she laughed shakily and slapped his arm. He kissed her, feeling elated at how Anto made him feel, at being able to call her his girlfriend and about it being thanks to him having the nerve to ask her. This being himself idea wasn't bad at all.

I hoped you liked it!

I wanted to get Sirius out of Grimmauld Place. It always bugged me that he lived for a year in a cave when he had a house, so I thought it very plausible that he actually has more properties (being the Black Heir and all) and didn't think of moving there until someone suggested it to him. I mean we KNOW that he has his own apartment that he bought when he was 17, and yet he's living in a house that's like a second prison to him, so it's obvious that Azkaban clearly affected him more than he thinks.

Also, I know in canon Harry gets very angry and shouts at Ron and Hermione once he goes back to Grimmauld place, because he's been cooped up for more than a month in a house he hates alone while they are together and not telling him anything...but in this story he's been having the time of his life, so even if he's angry it doesn't affect him too much. This is why he still can't imagine shouting at them like he did in canon, after all he's never done it before.