A/N: I've been wanting to write something different, you know? And I love music so this will be a series of poems that Katie would've written throughout her life based on a variety of different songs that remind me of her.
The first chapter would be written during her and Ned's break-up in Between the Good, and I can just so see Katie at some coffee shop in NYC or on-campus writing her heart away in her journal. Because mood lol.
Enjoy! xx Mariah
Guilt billows off him in snake-like patterns like smoke.
Sometimes, I see it and sometimes, I don't.
Sometimes, I even think I should've noticed it all sooner.
From how he loved me so quickly and then dropped me like a brick in the ocean,
or like the tears, he'd landed so perfectly in his apologies to me.
Sometimes, I think I should've been more observant,
but I would've done anything to be his.
And now those same arms that wrapped around me,
I dread one day will pull someone else with that same pull,
the same choreography as he once had with me.
Sometimes, I think I shouldn't have let it be me who had him.
Who got to be loved by him every single morning,
and enjoyed him in bed beside me.
I think I should've loved myself the way I loved him,
Until I'm reminded of that deep-eyed devotion he has,
but just as quickly remember just how much his betrayal hurt.
Do I forgive him now that he says he's changed?
Have I learned nothing from destroying myself?
And if I have learned nothing from destroying myself in loving him,
what does that make me?
What does that make of him?
Of that man that's supposed to love me!
Does that make him nothing more than a traitor?