Chapter 15:
Ren had the distinct impression that Kyoko was avoiding him. He had hoped that she didn't notice that he was a breath away from kissing her the other night, but he clearly did not have such luck. Sure, he didn't see her on an especially regular basis, but he was certain that he had been catching glimpses of her out of the corner of his eye. But as soon as he looked her way, she was gone.
Maybe he was being paranoid. Kyoko did tend to have a bit of a blind spot for all things romance, maybe she had no idea that he was planning to kiss her and was avoiding him for a different reason entirely. He wasn't exactly struggling to pull up potential reasons; he felt like he was just making a series of missteps with her. He had picked fight after fight because of his jealousy and came to the conclusion that he should tell her she was clear to date other people? God, he could kick himself.
He didn't want Kyoko dating other people, and he knew if he only said the word she would never do it. Then again, he also knew that it wasn't fair to ask that of her. She was young, and he didn't really know how long it would take him to get to the point where he was ready to be with her honestly, and give her everything that she deserved. Was it fair to ask her to wait some undetermined amount of time for him without ever dating anyone else, especially while she was young and still discovering herself? But that didn't mean the thought of it didn't drive him crazy.
In all honesty, he had really only made the offer expecting Kyoko not to take it. She just wasn't the type to date casually like that. She may have been Love-Me Number One, but she was still a hopeless romantic at heart. She wasn't the type to entertain a guy she couldn't at least see herself falling in love with.
Which is why her avoidance of him hurt so much more. If she didn't know that he was going to kiss her, and she had seemed to forgive him for his jealousy, then that only left one option in Ren's mind: She was taking him up on his offer.
She was probably avoiding him because it would be awkward, she was sometimes the last one to pick up on social-cues, but she wasn't entirely unaware, certainly she knew not to bring up dates with a man that was in love with her.
But that meant that she probably was going on dates with Koga, and Kyoko wasn't the type to go on a date with someone she couldn't see herself falling in love with.
Really, Ren had to admit that he had driven himself to this point. He had forgone earnest conversation because he felt that he didn't need it, that no one else would ever break into the heart of a girl who had rejected love all together. He had gotten too comfortable, and all but drove her into the arms of another man.
Worse yet, Koga was seemingly more open, more forward, more available than he was. He could, as far as Ren could tell, give Kyoko everything he was too afraid to give her. He could love her freely and openly, if she let him. And Kyoko would have deserved it, really. After feeling so put-out, rejected, unloveable over the years, didn't she deserve a man who would love her with complete honesty.
Ren feared most of all that he had not only driven her to another man, but a better one.