I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ITS CHARACTERS.
Music Credit/Song Suggestion: "Carry On My Wayward Son" – Kansas

Author's Note:

Hey all! This is my first real venture into the Supernatural fandom. Please be kind and adhere to the trigger warnings. If the tagged dark warnings are triggering for you, then this story may not be for you. I won't be posting individual warnings per chapter. Please be mindful and take care of your mental health.

Trigger warnings for - non-consensual and sexual assault elements, alcoholism, domestic violence, abuse (emotional, psychological, physical, sexual), neglect, prosititution, bad parenting, general douche-canoe behavior.

This is very AU. There will be some OOC moments. Everything should be explained in story. If you have any questions, you're always welcome to ask. I'll be posting new chapters very regularly. I've already finished this story in its entirety. I hope you enjoy it.

XO,
Anneryn

'Carry on,
My wayward son.
There'll be peace,
When you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest.
Don't you cry no more.'

Chapter One:

I jerked awake, with a groan, my muscles feeling too tense to be comfortable. I winced as I felt the melted ice pack on my face. I knew that I had a few bruises littering my torso, but was still too asleep to really assess the damage. I listened, quietly, trying to hear what time it was. It's still dark outside and my alarm hasn't gone off. That doesn't mean much, though.

I packed a change of clothes for Sammy and I, both, last night. I had a gnawing feeling, in my gut, that we might need to crash somewhere else, today, and it looks like I was right.

When I got the call to pick dad up from The Roadhouse, it was barely after nine. He was pissed and throwing punches, by the time Bobby and I had wrestled him out of the bar, and into my car. At least, he had the forethought not to drive there, which is a miracle in itself.

I glanced at my phone and sighed. I doubt I'll be getting anymore sleep this morning. It's not even five AM yet, but I don't want to be here, when dad wakes up. I got up, gingerly, and put the ice pack back in the freezer. I started the coffee maker, and went to wake up Sam.

"What time is it?" He murmured, sluggishly.

"Almost five. I need to shower, but I'll be quick. I'll be out in five minutes, so you can shower, and we can go. We're gonna stay at the apartment tonight. I have a change of clothes for you already packed in the trunk of the Impala. Get whatever else you need packed, and ready to go. We'll stop at the diner and have breakfast. Okay, kiddo?" I relayed, hoarsely.

"Okay, Dean," Sam agreed. I waited, until he was up and moving, until I went to shower.

I cleaned up quickly, going through the motions. I had a dark bruise on my jaw, courtesy of my generous father. He was too far gone to reason with, last night. But, mercifully, he fell asleep quickly. I used makeup to cover up what I could, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to cover all of it. I can't afford the good stuff, so I have to make due with the drugstore makeup. Even then, when Dad is in a mood, he'll trash it and accuse me of whoring myself out. Father of the year, ladies and gentlemen.

Sam was drinking coffee, packed, and dressed, by the time I was dressed, and out of the shower. He even had a steaming mug waiting for me. He looked over, and I nodded in thanks. I took a few aspirin to help dull the ache of my jaw.

I set to work making sandwiches and bagging them into generic ziplocs. I put three in Sam's lunch-bag and the rest in the fridge for dad. I grabbed an apple, an orange, some chips, and a water, before giving it to Sam. The kid is growing like a freaking weed, and I don't want him not getting enough food at school, and still having to be hungry. I know how much that kid eats. I filled two thermoses with coffee, grabbed the things that Sam packed, turned off the coffee maker, and left for the diner.

We didn't talk in the car. It was filled with a quiet, somber understanding. Sam knew where the bruise came from, and why we were staying somewhere else tonight. There was no need to rehash it. I know that once he's more awake, the chatter will start. I don't mind it.

As I opened the door to A Little Slice of Heaven, the warm murmur of voices, greeted my ears. That's all it takes – that sound, and the smell of breakfast wafting in the air, for me to feel safety. As soon as I started waiting tables here, I loved it. It was the day after my sixteenth birthday, but my fake ID said it was eighteen. That was six months ago.

Things would be so much easier, if I was eighteen. Sammy knows not to correct people, and dear old Dad doesn't care enough to. Sam is still only twelve. Legally, I can't take him from our father. And this, this seems to be the best solution I can think of.

I don't put it past our father to not say I kidnapped Sammy, if we actually left, and didn't go back to the shitty apartment we've been renting. I keep the rent paid, and groceries in the fridge. Anytime Sammy needs clothes or money for school, it comes from me. I give a little to Dad, but I don't know where he gets the rest of his spending money. Other than taking odd jobs, and hunting, he doesn't work. His drinking just keeps getting considerably worse.

"Deano! You're here early! Morning, Sammy! You both take a seat and order anything you want, on the house! Can't have my favorite employee, or favorite chess partner, starving on me!" Gabe greeted us both, with a smile.

"As if death could top me from kicking your butt! Cas is a way better chess player." Sam teased, as he slid into an empty booth.

"Rude. And just think, I was getting ready to tell Garth to fire up some blueberry, chocolate chip pancakes for you. But no…" Gabriel lamented, dramatically. Sam gasped. Those were his favorite, and Gabe knew it.

"You're the best chess player to ever live!" Sammy laughed. Gabe stared at him for a second, before caving. Sam's puppy dog eyes remained undefeated.

"You want your regular, Deano?" Gabe asked, instead. Sam started chattering about his upcoming day, as I nodded.

I could feel exhaustion seeping into my bones. Gabe wordlessly handed me the keys to the fully furnished apartment above the diner, that only a small, select few knew about.

I'm supposed to work today, but there was some convention going on a few cities over, and it would probably be dead all day.

"Cas'll be here before school to eat. Why don't you let him take you to school, and your big sis can rest?" Gabe suggested. "Maybe you can give her a few chess pointers, so she can finally beat you in a game?"

"Yeah, Dean can I?" Sam asked, looking at me expectantly. I nodded, with a tired smile.

"Sure, Sammy, if it's okay with Cas, then it's okay with me." I agreed.

"Deano, I'm sending you upstairs to rest. I'm giving you the day off. No arguments." Gabe announced in a rare, firm voice. "I haven't even given you your employee of the month bonus yet."

"Since when is there an employee of the month bonus?" I pressed, instead.

"Since now. And I can do that, because I own this fine establishment." Gabriel quipped back, with a wink.

I sighed. I knew better than to fight this losing battle. The smug smirk on Gabe's face told me that he knew it, too. Gabe's kindness is still something that I'm not completely comfortable with. I still don't feel like I deserve it. All of these years with John Winchester being my only living parent, have only cemented the fact that kindness was a luxury, that I could seldom afford, if ever.

Kindness wasn't for me, not really. Kindness was something that I treasured and cherished and made sure that it always found its way to Sammy. He wasn't going to grow up feeling any of the inadequacies that were beaten into me. He deserved better than that, and he was going to get it. I refuse to let our dad taint him. Sam is pure and strong and everything that our mom would want him to be. I know that it's only because of me, and because of his heart. He got that from Mom. But that's a secret that I keep safe, close to my heart. It's not something that I ever dare to say out loud.

Just like I'll never say that my heart swells with an uncomfortable amount of pride, when someone compliments me on what a fine son I've raised. It always feels heavy and tight in my throat, when I correct them and tell them that he's my brother. Sam's goofy grin with his own pride, never deters them, nevermind the fact that I don't look old enough to be his mother.

"I know better, than to look a gift-horse in the mouth. So, thank you, Gabe." I said, instead of everything else that I was making sure that I didn't say.

"Of course, kiddo. You already know that I would do anything for the two of you. Sammy, are you getting excited about your fieldtrip next week to the science museum? Cassie mentioned that you've been talking his ear off about it, in between chess matches." Gabriel changed the subject.

I took a swallow of coffee, trying to shove down the wave of gratitude and affection I felt for Gabe. Mom must've been looking down on us, when I met him. He doesn't even know how many ways that he's saved us already, and I know in my heart, that I'll never have the heart to tell him.

I tuned out the chatter of their conversation, while I just enjoyed sitting there and reveling in the moment. My heart felt full. My soul felt heavy. And all of that, helped ease the ache of my injuries.

I keep praying that I can find some way to get Sammy out of dodge, when I actually turn eighteen. There is no way in hell that I'll ever leave him with our father. I keep running scenarios in my mind and I keep coming up empty. I know that I'll never be able to afford to send him to school, but damn it, if he won't get a scholarship. He's so fucking smart.

I can't afford to be angry about our situation, or to dwell in it. What will that get me? It'll get me bloody knuckles, and at the bottom of some bottle that I can't afford to fall into. One of us has to be an adult and pick up the slack in our family, and it damn sure isn't going to be Dad. He checked out a long, long time ago.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel greeted me, as he slid into the empty side of the booth. Sam was animatedly chatting with Meg, as she ruffled his hair. She had taken a seat at the counter, while Gabe poured her some coffee.

"Heya, Cas. Did Sammy already ask you, about taking him to school? I can always take him, if you have other things you need to do, before you head to class." I said, with a small smile.

"He did. It wouldn't be any trouble, Dean. Meg enjoys having him around, as much as I do. And we are going to the same place, after all." Cas reassured me. I shot him a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Cas, really. I feel like I'm gonna drop, honestly." I admitted.

"What happened?" Cas asked gingerly, like he knew it was something that I wouldn't answer honestly.

"My dad decided it would be a good idea to try and pick a fight with the bartender, after he got cut off, and he lost his balance and hit me, instead." I told him a half truth, and gritted my teeth, in a humorless smile.

The fact that I'm so much smaller than Dad has been becoming more and more glaringly obvious. Despite Dad wishing that I was his son, I can't change the fact that I'm his daughter. I look too much like Mom. I'm small, like she was. I'm tough as hell, but I can't take a punch quite as well as a man could. I have plenty of practice, but it's getting harder to take a beating, without time to recover. Hell, even Sammy is taller than me.

"I am sorry, Dean." Cas said softly. "You don't deserve that. He could really hurt you one of these days. You're so petite." His voice was heavy with something that made my throat feel too big, and my eyes start to sting.

"No one does, but he's my dad, and Sam is underage. I'm just doing the best that I can. Ya know?" I breathed. I tried to shrug off his concern.

"Is that why you didn't finish school?" Cas asked, instead.

"I can't work and go to school. It's more important that Sammy goes. I can get my GED later. It's not a big deal." I said with a shrug.

"Sam is very lucky to have you as an older sister, Dean. I hope you know that."

"I'm just doing what anyone else would do."

"No, you're really not. He is lucky. You're incredible, Dean." Cas insisted. And that wasn't something that I couldn't take to heart. I couldn't. I'm not incredible, not really. I do my best and it's still not good enough. There isn't enough time in the day to list all of the ways that I fall short. I know better than to try.

"He's right, Dean." Sam added, with a smile. It was impossible not to smile back at him.

"Thanks, Sammy. You got everything you need for school?" I asked him. He nodded, and gave me a quick hug, before bouncing back over to Meg. As long as Sam is okay, then maybe I'm at least doing one thing right. And that made the ache in my chest loosen, just a little. "I love you, kiddo. I'm gonna go crash, okay? Text or call, if you need anything. Okay?"

"Okay, Dean. I know what to do. I'm not three, ya know? Jeez."

"Whatever. Make good choices. Don't run with scissors or take candy from strangers, even if they're a certain pretty blonde." I teased, as I got up from the table.

"Ugh, Dean! You're the worst!" He whined, dramatically. I smirked at him, as I ruffled his hair, and dropped a kiss on the top of his head. "I love you, too. Bye, Jerk."

"Bye, Bitch. I'll see ya after school."

'Masquerading as a man,
With a reason,
My charade is the event of the season –
And if I claim to be a wise man,
Well,
It surely means that I don't know…'