I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ITS CHARACTERS.
Music Credit/Song Suggestion: "First Date" - blink-182
'In the car, I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date.
Is it cool, i f I hold your hand?
Is it wrong, i f I think it's lame to dance?
Do you like my stupid hair?
Would you guess, that I didn't know what to wear?
I'm just scared of what you think.
You make me nervous, so, I really can't eat.'
Chapter Four:
I was tossing and turning and couldn't seem to go back to sleep. It's finally the day to go to the apiary with Cas and Sammy. I'm nervous and excited, and truthfully, I'm not surprised that I'm too nervous to sleep.
I still hadn't really heard from Dad. He didn't call, like he usually does. Instead, he just sent a brief text saying that he would likely be out of town for about a week, and to not get into any trouble in his absence. If anything, it just aggravated me.
He was the one that always found the trouble, not us. Still, I can't deny that I was grateful for the break from him. Sammy was right, it feels like trouble is looming on the horizon, and life experience told me that it would probably catch us with our pants down.
I ran through my mental checklist. I had rent already paid for the next two months, and the same for the utilities. I had paid both of our car insurance policies and gassed up Baby. I had given Sammy the money for his fieldtrip to the planetarium next week, and I could still afford to treat him to some new clothes and a new school bag.
It also helped, that I still had emergency money stashed a few places, just in case. It helps that I'm almost always working. I've never been able to get this far ahead, before. It felt good, but something gnawed at my gut, and I had a horrible feeling that all of my hard work would be for not.
I screamed in my pillow and forced myself to close my eyes. I have to relax. I can't control things any more than I already have. I've prepared as best I can, and I just hope that it's enough to help me and Sammy weather the impending storm. I'm not the prayin' type, but I have been prayin' for this.
"Dean! Open the door. It's Charlie! Meg is here, too!" Charlie called out, as she rapped on the apartment door. I huffed, as Sam let them in. I was currently standing in front of all of my clothes and I was only clad in my new – dark green lace – undergarments. They were all dumped haphazardly on the bed I've been using.
"It's a good thing you're here! She's been staring at the clothes and going through them for two hours." Sammy dished. I sighed and rubbed at my temples. He's such a tattle-tale.
"Thanks, a lot, for outing me." I grumbled.
"You're welcome, Jerk!" He chirped, merrily, before bounding away to call Jess on the landline. I rolled my eyes, hard.
"We brought you something!" Charlie announced, as she walked into the bedroom that was temporarily mine. I looked suspiciously at both of them.
"Well, more than one something, actually, but I doubt you'd be down to wear a dress for Clarence." Meg admitted. I shot her a dirty look and shook my head.
"Have you even met me? I don't do dresses, Megatron." I glowered, as she wrinkled her nose in response to the nickname I gave her.
"Okay, but I'm pretty sure if Clarence saw you in a dress, he'd forget how to breathe and you'd break his brain." She sang, pulling a muted green garment from her back.
"No," I refused, simply. Charlie just laughed, like she had already known what my reaction would be.
"My outfit is less extreme, but it will involve you showing off some serious leg." Charlie wiggled her eyebrows at the last word. I groaned and flopped down on the bed, landing with my back on top of the clothing pile.
"Why do I even need to show leg? Everyone has them. What's the big deal?!" I whined, trying to get my freakout under control. They're used to being girls. I'm not! I'm not confident like them. I don't like showing off my body, like that.
"I don't know if you know this, Princess, but you have great gams. And believe me, when I say that Clarence has noticed. You will still be kinda covered. You should trust us. Would we really lead you astray?" She cooed, in a very un-Meg-like tone.
I stared her down, making my distrust as obvious as humanly possible. Charlie just snickered and pulled out the articles of clothing in question. She had a black pair of tights; a pair of very faded, high-waisted, short Daisy Dukes; a light green, long-sleeved, tight v-neck shirt; and a worn-looking brown, leather belt. I blinked a few times, before deciding that her outfit really wasn't so bad.
"Why does showing skin make you so uncomfortable? You show off your cleavage, all the time, at work?" Charlie asked, quietly.
"I show off the girls, because it helps me get better tips." I sighed, like the answer was obvious.
"And if you show off your legs, Clarence is gonna wanna give you his tip." Meg laughed. I swore under my breath, before sitting up.
"I don't want that." I huffed, as I got off of the bed, and started pulling on the clothes that Charlie brought for me.
"No? I bet you think about it, sometimes, don't you?" She pressed.
"No, I don't! This isn't even a real date. God. I just got kissed for the first time, yesterday. Can you calm the fuck down, please? Jesus-fucking-christ. I'll wear the stupid outfit. Okay?" I growled, growing increasingly annoyed. It feels like I'm being pimped out, and they don't even take my discomfort or insecurities into consideration.
"Yay." Charlie mused with a small clap. "We're gonna help you get ready, and then you'll knock his socks off. Let's go, Bitches, it's crunch time."
Meg did my makeup, because I was so nervous, I couldn't get my lipstick even. Charlie teased my hair and pulled some of it back in a small ponytail, on top of my head. She left the rest of it down, in soft beach-waves. God, I looked so much like my mom now.
"Hey, Dean! Are you almost ready? It's almost time to go pick up Cas." Sam asked, as he walked into the bathroom, that we've been primping in.
"Yeah, Sammy. I just need my jacket, and we can go." I told him, as I pulled on my combat boots. He grinned at me.
"You look great." He promised, as he pulled me into a hug. I smiled and gave him a squeeze.
"Thanks, Kiddo. So do you!" I mused.
"It's your job to make sure you guys get pictures and take pictures together. Okay? Get some together of Dean and Cas, too." Charlie gave him very specific orders. He nodded with an easy smile.
"Definitely." He agreed.
"Alright, Princess, you're ready for your date with my unicorn. You're gonna have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Meg said, with a wink. We all laughed at that.
"What wouldn't you do?" Charlie asked her, before I could. She just shrugged, unbothered by the question.
"Good point."
I was drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, singing under my breath, even though my brain couldn't even register what was playing. When Sam fiddled with the radio stations, he shot a tentative glance over at me, when I didn't immediately demand he use one of Baby's coveted cassette tapes.
"Dean, I know I'm only a kid, and I probably don't qualify for giving you unsolicited romantic advice, but it's going to go great. I know it will. It's Cas. He's seen you stuff half a piece of pie in your mouth, at one time, and he still wants to date you. And, yeah, yeah, I know that it's not a date, but still!
"I know you don't believe me, but get this – Cas looks at you, like Bobby looks at Ellen, and like Han looks at Leia. He knows you're a beautiful person, and what you're like without all the extra stuff. He accepts you and I know that you think that you don't deserve good things, but you do, and you deserve this. You're the best sister anyone could ever have.
"People tell me all of the time that I was raised so well, and that I'm smart, and I'm sweet, and that I have manners. And that stuff didn't come from Dad, Dean. And Mom died, before she could ever teach me any of that. All Dad has ever done is teach me what not to ever do or what not to become. He's all twisted up with anger and hate and he takes it out on us, on you. And you've never done anything to deserve it.
"You're the one raising me, Dean. You take care of me. You love me. You make sure I'm okay, and that I have clothes that fit, and that I have food, and that I have a safe place to sleep. You make sure I can go to school, and that I can have extracurriculars. You make sure you tell me that I am important and that I do matter. You make believe in myself and that I am smart enough. You dropped out of school, just so you could take care of me. You tell everyone you're already an adult, so that you can, when we both know that you shouldn't have to.
"You've spent my entire life doing the absolute most, so that I could have some semblance of a childhood. You don't expect anything from me, except for me to try and be a good person. You give me love and the freedom to just enjoy being alive, Dean. And we both know that it's a gift that you've never been able to have, yourself.
"I hate that you don't see how incredible you are. I do. So many people do. Cas does. We're going to have so much fun with the bees today. Just… just try to breathe and let yourself enjoy it. Dad is gone, for right now, and all that matters is us. This is your day." Sam lamented.
I hastily wiped at the tears spilling down my cheeks, suddenly grateful that Meg had picked out waterproof makeup and had caked my face in setting spray. I sniffled and cried, while I tried to get myself under control.
I try my best to shield Sammy from what I can. There are so many things that we don't talk about, because talking doesn't always help, especially if there is nothing that either of us can do to make it better. But he has this unnerving way of making me feel seen, especially when I feel like the biggest fraud and failure around. The fact that he doesn't see me, as I see myself, is a miracle that I don't think I'll ever deserve, but will forever be grateful for.
"Thank you, Sammy." I whispered, still crying.
I pulled over on the side of the road and let my head fall forward, so I could rest my head on the steering wheel. I can't seem to stop crying or to pull myself together. I heard Sam unbuckle his seatbelt, before I felt him wrap his arms around me. I shook against him, and he just let me cry.
After a few minutes, my tears trickled to a stop and I felt exhausted. I gave him a squeeze, before mopping at my face with some napkins from the glove compartment. I blew my nose and checked my makeup. My eyes were pink, and so was my nose, but that was the only evidence of my breakdown. I took a deep breath and got back on the road.
I giggled, as Cas and Sam sang along and danced to 'Shake It Off' in the car. I'm not sure the Impala has ever seen or heard as much Taylor Swift, as she has today. It made me grin. Baby appreciates good music, and doesn't discriminate on other genres, contrary to what I lead Sammy to believe. The fact that I'm a closet Swifty isn't lost on him, either. That kid is too smart for him own good.
"Are you excited to see the bees?" Cas asked me, with a blinding smile. I nodded, still grinning. "I'm looking forward to sharing this with the both of you." He added, fondly.
"Me too, Cas." I promised. He reached over and slipped a hand into mine, as I pulled up to the apiary. I felt giddy. His hands are so warm, and softer than I could have imagined.
"You look incredible." He whispered, softly, so Sam wouldn't hear him. I blushed, as I parked the car.
"So do you." I told him. He pulled out a small package, and handed it me, after I took the keys out of the ignition. I looked up at him in surprise. "What is that?" I breathed.
"It's for you. I know that you don't wear a lot of jewelry, but I thought that you might like it." He explained. I bit my lip, as I opened the little box. They were a simple pair of golden, stud earrings, shaped like little bumblebees. "This way, you'll always remember our first date." He said, as I pried the earrings out of the case. I put them in my ears and tried to ignore the burning sensation in my nose or the tears that welled up in my eyes.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and touched his face, before touching my lips to his. He gasped, as I kissed him. He kissed me back and all rational thought skidded to an abrupt stop. My kiss with Meg was nothing like this. He makes my entire body sing. I bit down softly on his bottom lip, and slipped my tongue into his mouth. He quickly took control of the kiss and left me breathless. I pulled away, when Sam started making puke noises from the backseat.
"Shut up, Sam." I breathed with a glare. He just stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes. "I love them. Um. I actually got you something, too, when I was shopping with Meg and Anna." I admitted, suddenly embarrassed.
"You didn't need to get me anything, Dean." Cas said, warmly, still looking at me with those soulful baby blues and freshly kissed lips.
"Yeah, well, pot meet kettle, Angel." I griped. I grabbed a small package out of my bag and handed it to him. "Great minds think alike, and all that." I laughed, awkwardly. He opened it slowly, like he was afraid that it would disappear, if he didn't move at a safe, glacial speed. He plucked the top off of the tiny box and then pulled out the small necklace. It was silver, with a simple chain, with a small moth pendant on it. "I know that bees are your favorite, so I thought I would get you my favorite – moths." I was blushing furiously.
"Oh, Dean, I love it. Put it on me?" He asked, as he handed me the chain. I nodded, and fastened the necklace around his neck. God, he looked so handsome.
"Take a picture together, with the jewelry showing. Charlie's orders." Sam chirped from the back. I laughed and dutifully pulled out my phone and snapped some selfies with Cas. I kissed his cheek in one, and then he turned his face last minute, so the camera caught our lip-lock. Something warm blossomed in my chest, and I knew that I had it bad. I couldn't afford to fall for anyone, and here I am, tripping like it's my damn job.
A loud knock on the passenger window jolted us back to reality. I looked over and saw a handsome blonde man smiling at us with a mischievous smirk that rivaled Gabe's. Cas laughed, and we all got out of the car.
"Cassie, you never said that your friend was a gorgeous, little thing." He flirted. I rolled my eyes, good-heartedly.
"Sam, Dean, this is my oldest friend, Balthazar." Cas introduced.
"Wait, I'm sorry, Cassie. Did you just say that the young lady that you're transfixed with, her name is Dean?" Balthazar asked in disbelief, as he laughed, at my expense. I rolled my eyes, and schooled my face with an easy smirk, full of my everyday confidence. This wasn't a new reaction, but it was one that I was used to. "Are you going to tell me that 'Sam,' is short for 'Samantha,' next, Love?" He guffawed.
"Yuck it up, Chuckles. You think you're the first? 'Dean,' as in short for 'Deanna,' after my grandmother. My dad wanted a son, and got me, instead. I've always gone by Dean. I think it suits me. Don't you?" I quipped, watching his face, as he took in my reaction. "I know Sam is a pretty, good-looking kid, but if you make fun of my little bother, again, I'm gonna have to bruise that pretty face." I purred, as I patted his cheek.
He looked taken aback, but recovered quickly. I felt Sammy stand taller next to me and saw Cas start to open his mouth, out of my peripheral.
"I meant no offense, Darling. You're a little spitfire, aren't you? I see why Cassie likes you. Careful now, bruising my face? I might mistake that for foreplay, Love. Your name does suit you, now that you mention it." He mused, grinning gleefully.
"I'm glad we understand each other. I mean, what kind of a name is 'Balthazar,' anyway? It's okay. Cas warned me that you have plenty of shortcomings, and have a lot to overcompensate for. Pot meet kettle, right? Whether you see it as foreplay or not, you're not my type, but I'd be happy to give you some advice with the ladies." I said, with a wink. Scrutinizing him, warily. He seems genuine.
"Oh, Dean," Balthazar cooed, "I like you. Let's introduce you lot to the bees, shall we?" He beamed, offering me his arm. I looped my arm through his, and we lead us through his property.
"Would it kill you to be nice, Balthy? This is why you never meet my friends." Cas asked his beekeeping friend, sharply.
"You have friends, Cassie?" Balthazar feigned surprise.
"Dude, you'd be cool, if you weren't such an absolute dick." Sam spoke up, instead. I snickered, and didn't even try to ignore the way my chest puffed up with pride.
"That's my boy," I praised.
"Oh, is Sammy yours? You look a bit young to have a child of that age?" Balthazar asked, in lieu of answering the question.
"He may as well be. He's Dean's younger brother, but she has been raising him, since she was a young child, herself." Cas bragged. I just blushed.
"Be nice to my sister, if you know what's good for you, Man." Sammy sounded annoyed and unimpressed. Balthazar just chuckled.
"I'll try my best, Darling. Don't get your panties in a twist, Love." Balthazar said with an air of indifference.
"You'll succeed, unless you want me to tell Gabriel that you've been unkind to Dean, and ask him to help me plot the perfect revenge plan." Cas spoke up. I giggled. It's nice having both him and Sammy have my back. The banter with the blond british man is nice, too. I never shy away from a good verbal sparring partner. Oh, yeah, this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
'When you smile, I melt inside.
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time.
I really wish it was only me and you.
I'm jealous of everybody in the room.
Please don't look at me, with those eyes.
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies.
I dread the thought of our very first kiss, a target that I'm probably gonna miss.'