I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ITS CHARACTERS.
Music Credit/Song Suggestion: "Falling Fast" - Avril Lavigne
'I woke up and saw the sun today.
You came by without a warning.
You put a smile on my face.
I want that for every morning.
What is it I'm feelin', 'cause I can't let it go?
If seein' is believin', then I already know.'
Chapter Seven:
Sleep didn't come easily. I tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling. How could I sleep, when almost every single aspect of my life, was outside of my control? I didn't know how the conversation would go today. I hoped that it would go something like my conversation with Meg went, last night.
My nerves were shot and I would give anything to smoke a joint, right now. I had a weed cartridge tucked away in my vape for safe keeping, hidden in the closet here. If I can get through tomorrow unscathed, then that will be my reward. Maybe then I'd actually be able to sleep.
Before I knew it, I was pulling on clothes, because the girls would be here to pick up Sam, soon. I told him that the girls planned a day with him, and he was tickled by it. I decided to wait to talk to him, until after I talked to Gabe and Cas. He knew there was something weighing on my mind, but didn't push me about it, for once in his life. I just hoped that Dad hadn't said anything to him, either.
I looked over my appearance in the mirror. I was in an old, ratty tank top, my softest flannel, and my thickest leggings. I shoved my feet into my boots and grabbed my phone. A knock sounded on the door, as I was grabbing my bag. Sam answered the door with a smile on his face. God, I'm gonna miss him. It's gonna be so freaking quiet, by myself.
"What's up, Bitches?!" Charlie chirped, happily. I wasn't surprised that Meg had roped her into their plans. And we all know that Charlie would never turn down anything sci-fi related. Anna waved, with a laugh, and Meg grinned.
"Hey Guys, thanks for taking him." I greeted them. Sam whipped around and looked at me, his face dripping with suspicion.
"Are you sure you don't wanna come, Dean? I know how much you love Han." He asked. I shook my head.
"Next time, okay? I'm gonna meet up with Cas." I told him. He accepted my answer and stopped his inquisition.
"I get it. You want me out of your hair, so you can make out with your boyfriend. I'll take lots of pictures." He decided. I laughed, and followed everyone out the door. I locked up behind us. I walked them down to Anna's car, and hugged them all, saving Sammy for last. I ruffled his hair, because I know how much he hates it. "Bye Dean! Love you!" He gave me an extra tight squeeze and picked me up off of my feet. I giggled, and pressed a kiss on his cheek.
"Have fun, Kiddo. I love you. I expect lots of pictures." I told him, as he climbed into the car.
"We will!" He promised. I waved, before going into the diner. I saw Cas and Gabe waiting for me, at the counter. It's starting to get busy with the lunch rush.
"Hey, Deano!" Gabe sang, as I walked inside. I smiled at them both. Cas kissed me hello, as I greeted them.
"Hey, could we chat in your office? I don't really want an audience or to be overheard?" I asked. Gabe frowned and nodded. Cas gave me a look that I couldn't decipher.
"Sure, come on back, Kiddo." Gabe agreed. We walked into his office and sat down. It wasn't big or fancy, but it doesn't need to be. He closed the door and looked at me. "What's this all about, Dean? You're kinda scaring us here." He joked.
"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas asked me. I shook my head.
"No, not really. I… I'm going to ask that you guys wait to say anything, until I'm done. Okay? Then, I'll answer any questions you might have. And, please know that I'm so sorry that I had to lie to you. It wasn't done with malicious intent." I told them, quietly.
I shook out my hands, to try and still my trembling. I took a shaky breath, and Cas reached over and took one of my hands in his. He gave me a gentle squeeze and I took a slow breath, instantly feeling a little better.
"There are some things that you don't know about me and about Sammy. The biggest thing you don't know is that I'm not eighteen. I just turned sixteen, right after moved to town. I dropped out of school a year ago, so I could start working.
"Getting a good fake ID wasn't hard. Dad has always had sketchy friends. One of his friends worked at a DMV and just changed the year I was born and got me the ID. Amending my records by two years wasn't hard. If you really went digging, you could probably find my actual birth certificate, but otherwise, I've been pretty safe.
"Um, Meg told me that everyone in town knows about demons, but doesn't talk about them?" My voice trailed off, as I looked at Cas for confirmation. Both he and Gabe nodded an affirmative. "Okay, so, a demon killed my mom. Sammy had just been born. The house fire happened, but that demon was the cause of it. Dad handed me Sammy that night, and I've been taking care of him, ever since. I was four, when that happened.
"Dad moved us around a lot. We stayed in different motels, or the truck, as he tried to track it. Somewhere along the way, I'm not sure where, hunting turned into an obsession. But, he's not good at it anymore. He just drinks, so much. He's been violent, since Mom died. He doesn't hit Sammy, though. It's only ever been me. I look just like Mary, so he says, and he hates me for it. So, I'm the one who gets punished.
"I didn't know that the drinking had also included gambling, and I have no idea how he gets the money to gamble with. Lord knows that he doesn't actually work for it. I never ask him where he goes, when he leaves, and he doesn't tell me. I don't need to know. I just need to know that I'm taking care of Sammy, which I always do.
"He called me last night with some bad news, bad for me, good for him. He got in really deep with Alastair. I didn't know that. I didn't even know that they had ever crossed paths. I've never picked him up at any of Alastair's establishments, or had to settle any of his bar tabs there. But, I guess that doesn't really mean much.
"Somehow, he accrued an astronomical amount of debt with Alastair, and when given the choice, he agreed to give him me, as the solution. I asked Meg to set up a meeting with her uncle, last night, so I could get the actual details myself. I don't trust my father. I never have, rightfully so.
"Dad arranged for Sammy to go live with Bobby and Ellen. Now that Jo is eighteen, they have the time. Dad ended the lease on our place early, and got the security deposit, and two months of rent back. He said that he had given it to Bobby and Ellen to help with Sam's expenses. I don't know if that's true or not. I haven't spoken with them yet. Since it was my dad's name on the lease, he could do that, even though all of the money came from me.
"Alastair said that I'll be bartending and I would be a face in front of the house. I'll be helping things run smoothly. He thinks that me being a fixture, will bring in more clientele. I… He knows how old I am, and that I'm completely inexperienced with sex. He said that just added to my appeal. He said that I wouldn't have to worry about intimate clients for a while. He said that it would just up the ante. He alluded to getting top dollar from one of his high-rollers, for my first time, but that those types of interactions would be few and far between.
"Alastair agreed to only deal with me, and not my father. He said that if my father couldn't or wouldn't act right, then he would be punished. Alastair said that as long as I'm good to him, that he would be good to me. If I don't abide by his rules, then I will be punished. And if I try to run, or if I turn him in, then he'll kill Sammy. He… He said that he would take care of me, and I don't really have a choice of not going along with it.
"He agreed that I could still live above the diner, if that's still okay. But, he won't let me work here, not that I'd have the time to. He also knows about Cas. He's okay with us dating, if you still want to… He just cautioned on the physical stuff. I start training to tend bar, tomorrow. Everything is happening really fast, and I'm just trying to keep it together.
"I haven't told Sam, yet. The only reason I'm not fighting it, is because of Sam. Him living with Ellen and Bobby will give him stability and extra protection. They're hunters. I'll feel better with him there. If I'm living alone, I just have to worry about myself. Dad doesn't know that there is an apartment here. He won't know where I'm living.
"I know it's not ideal, but it seems like this is as good as I can get things, right now. Eventually, I'll find a way out of this. I just… right now, I have to play along and stay alive, and keep Sammy safe. I'm so incredibly sorry that I lied to you both – to everyone. Whatever you want to happen, I'll respect that. I don't expect you to be okay with this – with me. I just… Please know that I would never, ever intentionally hurt you." I finished, unsure how I felt about everything being out in the open.
I felt my nose burning and I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep from crying. I sniffled and wiped hastily at the tears falling. I hiccupped and start to sob, mortified. I pulled my hand free from Cas' and let my face fall into my hands. Cas wrapped his arms around me, and placed kisses on top of my head. I don't deserve it.
"I'm not upset, Dean. Nothing you said changes how I feel about you. Sex isn't something I wanted to rush. I'm fine with waiting forever, or not indulging, if it never happens. I don't care about that. I care about you. I hate this for you. I don't know how to help you, but I'm here, always." He promised. Cas' sweet words just made me cry harder.
"Deano, I'm not mad either. It explains a lot and I'm sorry that I can't do more to help you. You can stay in the apartment, rent-free. It's been yours, since the first time you used it, as far as I'm concerned. I might have an idea about something to help long-term, but I won't involve you, not until I know it's concrete and is one hundred percent happening. It's better that no one else knows about it. That will keep you safe.
"And if you do need something, I'm here, and I'll do whatever I possibly can to help. I won't tell anyone that you're staying here. Your business is your own and it'll stay that way. We care about you, kiddo." Gabe echoed Cas' sentiment. My chest ached and my heart hurt with how much gratitude and love I was feeling. "I'll whip up some food for you two, and then why don't you two go upstairs and spend some time together." Gabriel suggested. I nodded, as my tears started to slow.
"I'll get you both my new number. I still have the prepaid, but it'll be for emergencies, and for anything that Alastair can't know about. Just be mindful that whatever is said, he'll be able to see." I admitted.
"That's fine, Kiddo. I promise."
I was laying in bed with Cas. He rubbing my back and I was lying with my head on his chest. I like listening to his heartbeat. It soothes me.
"Are you okay?" I whispered. He didn't stop his ministrations.
"With this?" He asked. I nodded. I relaxed, as I felt the vibrations from his voice. "I am, Dean. I know that you'll have to do things that you don't want to do, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. They're taking your choice away. I… It means more than you could possibly know that I'm the one thing that you are able to choose. I care about you, very much." He replied. I smiled, against him. I rubbed his stomach with my thumb and felt butterflies in mine.
"You are, Cas. I would choose you, everyday." I promised. I leaned up, so I could press a kiss on his mouth. Our mouths moved against each other, lazily. We were safe here, in this bubble, in this moment. Despite everything else going to hell, this is pretty friggin' close to perfect.
'I'm falling fast.
I hope this lasts.
I'm falling hard for you.
I say, let's take a chance, take it while we can.
I know you feel it, too…
Doesn't matter what we do.
You make everything seem brighter.
I never knew I needed you, like a sad song needs a sea of lighters.'