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December 31st,2018 9:30am Ireland, Dublin hospital

Today is a holiday called Christmas the whole hospital is dressed with shades of green, red, and white. Lucy told me the concept of the holiday personally for me I find it a little creepy that some fat stranger goes inside your home and leaves presents if you've been good, and if you were bad than you get coal which also comes to me as weird. The true meaning of Christmas is spending time with your family and friends so I've been told, I cant help the lonely feeling I have everyone gets to go to there homes to celebrate while I'm stuck here. What's worse I still don't remember my family and there hasn't been any traces of them. So in a nutshell its going to be pretty lonely Christmas for me. Glancing at the clock its a few minutes past 7 most of the staff and employees are heading home to celebrate, I was hoping Lucy would stop by before she left but I understand wanting to leave as soon as possible. Well no use in moping around I have a few books left to read that I've been wanting to finish.

Going through therapy was nothing short but absolute hell for me who knew learning how to re walk again was definitely not a fun experience I constantly keep fallen on my face so many times I lost count but my stubborn self wouldn't give up plus Lucy was a big help never leaving my side when she was able to, my neck thankfully is almost healed up but still heavily bandaged with my chest. My memories are still a mess besides some small bits and pieces of an explosion happening that's something the police and hospital still haven't been able to find anything about me at least not in Ireland.

Recently I've been having these strange dreams I expected to have nightmares that make me start screaming at 2 in the morning but no, instead of that I dream of this women standing across from me were in this empty field, she has this sad look on her face as the rain starts pouring but I don't feel anything cold she has the same shoulder length hair as me with the same shade of blonde hair but she has a small red part that's dyed with these ruby colored eyes that show sorrow, tragedy, but mainly regret. The shocking thing about her is she looks exactly like me just different eye color it feels like looking in a mirror but at the same time I don't feel like I've ever met her but also feel something familiar to her maybe we're related somehow, when I try to talk to her she just starts crying as this mist starts covering her slowly from here feet all the up her legs until her whole body is covered before she is full covered she lets out a gurgling cry as she disappears into the fog leaving me alone in the rain.

I've talked to Lucy about these dreams I keep having she's just as lost as I am so I decided to talk to the doc about it while we are doing our private therapy session probably the last one we will be having if everything goes according to plan ,he listens to what I tell him and for a while he doesn't say anything just sits thinking for a good while. Brit there's no right or wrong answer to all of this you wanting to remember or understand this women in your dreams how she's connected to all of this, your memories may not come in as you want or may never return to you are you going to be able to handle that and continue this life you have?

But doc how do I re start my life all over again when I don't remember anything from before I don't even know if this women is related to me or why she doesn't say anything to me ,hell I don't even have a bloody ID that says my name on it I hate not knowing or remembering anything about myself how can I continue to live this life without remembering my old life? He gives me a solid stern look before replying Brit it doesn't matter what you did before in the past or who you used to be what matters is in the now part remember this WE ARE WHAT WE DO BRIT OUR ACTIONS DEFINE US OUR DEEDS NEVER FORGET THAT NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE that one sentence it sparks something inside my head and suddenly a memory starts to slowly come back to me like trying to solve a puzzle by moving the pieces around until they eventually fit.

As Lucy comes in I don't hear what she says as memories finally start coming together at first I see a sunset and I have this massive object next to me but I can't tell what it is until I have to force myself to go deeper into this memory ,finally something gives and the object turns into a big ship she's covered in this weird dazzle kind of paint and her name in beautiful bold golden letters reads OLYMPIC at first glance I thought I was on another ship but than I notice that my whole body is different I don't have arms or legs like I do now. I realize that I'm actually a ship as well and while she keeps talking to me she utters the same sentence ,before the memory ends I hear 'Olympic' in a quite voice glory to the queen that's all that matters.

I must have blacked out because the next thing I know I'm back on the bed Lucy with the doc next to me taking my vitals', I go to grab my notepad but suddenly I find it more easier to breath through my mouth than my nose due to how damaged my throat has been. Not wanting to push my luck I stick to my note pad quickly writing what happened? Take it easy there Mrs. brit you simply over did yourself and passed out from over doing your therapy, eve though its remarkable how fast your body has been healing you still have limitation's. If it starts getting to much for you just let one of us know remember we're going at your pace and don't want you to get hurt ok?

Giving the doc a thumbs up I look at Lucy whos writing down something on my chart her face is all seriousness, that's something I admire about Lucy her determination to not just her job but her patients as well. I cant help but let out a small smile at her she would go to the ends of the earth for anyone doesn't matter your race or gender, I'm still surprised she's still only a nurse I can totally see her as a doctor saving lives and making people smile. Giving her a wave I quickly write down asking her how does everything look?

Well your blood pressure is a little high but nothing to much probably explains why you passed out, over doing it in your therapy will only set you back. Besides that your heart rate and pulse are looking good are you in any pain? Jotting down I'm not in any pain but my throat feels different it doesn't hurt as much to breath through it, showing Lucy and than the doc they both share the same curious look. What do you think Dr. Andrews should we take a look and see if anything has changed? Unfortunately Mrs. Lucy I'm needed for another patient in a few minutes, do check her throat and see if anything has changed with the way her body is healing we should always keep an open mind on any kind of possibilities. Report to me if something seems unusual besides that have someone always keeping an eye on her for a while in case if she does pass out again, after that you can go home she's your last patient for the night.

With that the doc walks away to he's next patient, alright brit lemme go get a few things real quick don't move or try to get out of bed. Giving her a nod she walks to the cabinet across the room with a steady grace again I still wonder why is she still only a nurse? It only take her a few minutes to grab what she needs putting everything on a small silver tray she walks to my left side. Pulling the hospital curtain around us Lucy makes sure no one can see us. Sure its just a regular check up of my throat but I like to have the curtain around my bed closed while being looked at, never know what creepy people and patients are looking. I always love watching Lucy work when she gets into her own little mindset being careful with the patients I'm glad that she's my nurse still, snapping her gloves on she flashes' me a smile. Sticking out the wooden tongue depressor I open my mouth she quickly sets to work first using her pen light checking my throat, not seeing much she move on slipping a finger in my mouth palpating around. Usually it would hurt me a little when people probe my throat or mouth but now it doesn't its almost pleasant kind of just minus the finger in your mouth part.

Moving on she presses her fingers to my neck gently checking my thyroid gland usually this part they cant do to how much pain it causes me that's when I knew something is different I didn't even flinch Lucy notices as well. Brit do you feel any kind of pain? I give her a thumbs down indicating a no, she does a few more tests on me checking my breathing from my chest and from my back doing the 99 tests as well. Brit so fair from what I'm seeing your injuries have done a complete 180 the inside of your throat looks way better, I didn't feel anything with your glands and your breathing a lot better now. I have an idea on how your body is healing this fast but to prove it I would need to completely take off your bandages would that be something your ok with? I can't help but hold my blankets to my chest most of my neck and part of my chest are still wrapped, having Lucy take them off means she would have to take my gown off. I'm shy cause I don't wanna freak her out with how my body looks plus I don't wanna see how damaged I am, but at the same time I need to know what's going on with me. If my burns have already healed than I'm pretty sure I've broken some kind of world record.

Its ok if you say no but I really need to see what's going on under those bandages we can go at your pace no problem and ill be the only one that'll see. Is there anyway I could help make this more easier and comfortable for your? Honestly I rather not have anyone take the bandages off doesn't matter how comfortable I am I don't wanna see how burnt and scared my body is. Shaking my head no I lower my head not wanting to see the disappointment on her face, I know all she wants to do is help me and me being a baby about this is making things harder for her. Hey brit its ok please look at me for a sec, looking at her I don't see the disappointment look I thought she would have. Instead she has a soft knowing smile on her face void of any kind of disappointment, I'm not mad or disappointed brit I under stand being afraid or nervous.

I was like that at one point I had an accident a few years ago and got a few scars from it, I'm not happy I have them but they do prove that I went through a devastating incident and came out from it. But what really helped me be able to move forward with my damaged looking body, it was my friends and family they gave me the courage to stand up and move on. Now I wanna do the same with you brit I see you as a friend who needs a shove and a helping hand. Grabbing my hand she gives me a determined look almost like looking at a caged lion waiting to be free, this may be outside of hospital standards but I have an idea that may help. But this has to stay between us not even the doctor can know about this, I know that sounds a little suspicious but I mean no harm ill show you mine and you show me yours pinky promise?

I'm not really sure what she has in mind but Lucy hasn't once let me down yet all she does is try to help me get better and the fact she called me her friend, the fact I have an actual friend makes my heart beat a little faster. swallowing the nervous pit in my stomach I interwind our pinky's together signaling ill keep my promise. Letting go she pulls back the curtain a little as she quickly heads to the door, closing it she locks the door so now its only me and Lucy together without the risk of anyone coming in unexpected. Coming back she re closes the curtain behind her ,Alright brit so just let me do all the work and keep still this isn't something I usually do but ill think it will help you. With steady fingers she grab's the bottom of her scrubs lifting it over her head she tosses it to the side of my bed, if my eyes could have popped out of my eye sockets they would have. I know understand what she means by when she meant not something the hospital would like.

Looking at her stomach I can see what she means by scars some look faint almost like you could just rub them off, the further up the scars get more detailed and gagged. Some have a deep blueish purple running around them leading from her side of ribs up to her breasts. Even though she walks around fine I cant even imagine how she wakes up everyday like that, or the pain she has especially bending over. Lucy grabs my hand holding it in her own she has a small nervous smile plastered on her face, realizing that by showing me her scars it may have brought up some painful memory's. But even still she revealed her own scars that she carry's plus works at a hospital dealing with other people's problems, if things such as saints or I think people call it an angle something with a ring over there head Lucy fits the description perfectly. If she's brave enough to not only deal with her own trauma as well as other peoples trauma plus walk around not letting herself be dragged down, maybe I can do the same thing.

It happened a long time ago even though it feels like it just happened yesterday, while out at sea there's was an explosion followed by a secondary blast I took the main brunt of both blasts and was left for dead. My old life I was left for dead there was a giant hole on my side with water rushing all over the it was a gruesome scene to see a lot of people died that day. Captain William Thomas Turner he did everything he could do to save as many people but unfortunately out of 1,962 passengers and crew aboard at the time of the sinking 1,199 lost their lives that day. When I woke up I was a mess honestly I couldn't even begin to tell you how out of it I was, I was soaking wet a giant hole all over my stomach and chest covered in gashes. My back got burnt as well all I remember is scorching pain all me, it was touch and go for a while thankfully just like you I had Dr. Andrews who was my doctor, if not for him I wouldn't be here today not once did he give up on me. I honestly owe him my life that's why after I got better I became a nurse, I couldn't help anyone while we was sinking. I never want to feel like that again so hopeless while watching everyone die around me I've questioned why did I get a second chance but not everyone else, they all had families and friends who cared and loved them. Now they cant see them again or get a chance to say goodbye to there loved ones it wasn't fair brit.

I give her hand a firm squeeze I honestly am at a lost I cant believe she went through all of that. I remember one of the books Lucy brought me there was a section about something called PSTD , I'm not an expert but I think she may be suffering from it. I keep that to myself though after basically spilling her own past to me it would be rude of me to mention that to her, looking at her I can tell its not an easy thing to talk about especially to a patient like me, but now that I think about it only a true friend would do something like this. Openly talk about there own trauma to help there friend out, any thought's or doubts about our friendship I had are gone I can tell Lucy generally cares about me. Leaning up I wrap my arms around her in a gently hug resting my chin on her head, for a moment she stays still shocked at me hugging her but quickly lets it go hugging me back. Only thing that matters to me now is letting my friend/best friend maybe? More like only friend Letting her know I'm here for her just like she's here for me. Running a hand through her hair we stay like this for a few minutes Lucy tearing up a bit I pass her a napkin.

While holding her I notice on her right shoulder blade small numbers 367 in a red color, I guess she got herself a tattoo it looks nice but curious as to what the number means. Letting her go I give her a few minutes to collect herself, she stopped crying which is a good thing. Grabbing my note pad I ask if she's ok, y -yeah sorry I got caught up in the moment there I'm ok. But yeah anyway I was laid up for almost a year here spent a lot of time asked myself what I've could had done differently, since I couldn't get up without risking ripping apart my stiches and thinking about the accident all the time wasn't helping me mentally. I became depressed very easily I'm pretty sure you can tell I have PSTD I'm not ashamed of it, its a part of who I am and what I've overcame. I remember one rainy day I was laying in bed I had recently given up on living refusing to eat or have any further treatment, all I wanted was to just die I felt like I cheated death while the people who died didn't. I was completely racked with guilt I believe someone diagnosed me with survivors guilt at the time not sure but yeah I was in a dark place mentally.

But yeah so there I am not eating feeling sorry for myself I had the staff worry about me to the point I was considered to be placed on suicide watch, I remember this kind nurse she wasn't even appointed to me she heard about me from the staff. She came to me while on her own break her free will no one had asked her to come, now me being like that at the time I didn't want any visitors. I told her to and I quote 'get lost you old fucking hag stop trying to save the grim reaper', instead of getting mad or upset with me guess what she did? Giving Lucy a shrug I let her continue on with her story. She stayed with me brit talking to me about her day and fellow other patients, her wife who was over seas at the time and how much she missed her. Here I'm thinking she's just some lonely nurse with no one to talk to so I ignored her.

But she kept coming day after day on her break or if she was passing by always giving me a hello, eventually on that rainy day as previously stated that's when she opened my eyes. She came in while one of the younger nurses was trying to get me to eat, I got mad and knocked the tray to the ground that was the first time I got volant with anyone. Poor lass I scared her while she was brand new to the hospital, the older nurse who kept coming to visit me her name being Carrie by the way she got mad. Like fire in her eyes mad I'm use to this chatty nurse who wouldn't even harm a butterfly let me tell you she gave me the worst backlashing I've ever heard. At that point protocols be damned she slapped me a good one, the entire left side of my face was red after that.

For someone who seemed old to me I was shocked that not only did she curse me out like a sailor but actually hit me, meanwhile the other nurse who was freaking out was desperately trying to clean the food on the floor. Looking at her I saw her crying while mumbling to herself how much of a moron she was, Carrie noticed as well and don't think she was done with me. I remember her exact words to me "YOU SPOILED BITCH YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOUR HURT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU PLEASE PUSHING PEOPLE KNOCKING FOOD ALL OVER, DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK THE COOKS TO MAKE THAT FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DO IS LAY THERE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING THERES BEEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE THERE OWN DEMONS AND THEY DONT SIT AND WOLLOW ABOUT IT, THEY MOVE ON AND PUSH THROUGH TRYING TO BE BETTER. The fact that your here is a blessing while so many didn't make it or come close to surviving. You would rather disrespect them by giving up on the life that so many of us worked hard to save, instead of being grateful for being alive all you want is death well let me ask haven't ENOUGH PEOPLE DIED ALREADY? This poor nurse here all she wanted to do was help you and do her job, instead of being thankful you punish her and could have gotten her hurt with your rashness".

I'm laying there getting chewed out for a good solid twenty minutes at least, but ever word she was saying to me made sense I was still alive while so many didn't. I was given a second chance for some kind of reason instead of taking full advantage of it I'm just wishing to be dead. Anyway after receiving one more glare she helped the other nurse clean up and made sure she was ok. Thankfully she wasn't hurt but I really did mess her up with her confidence, only been working there for a week and there I go being such a ass to her. For the rest of the day I had no visitors or personal come in to check up on me, again left with my thoughts carries words buzzing in my head. Looking back I have been unfair to everyone its not there fault about what happened with me, all they wanted was to help me cause they wanted me to live. These people complete strangers to me only want what's best for me I couldn't let there hard work go in vain. Carrie didn't come by to visit me for a few days and I grew worried that she was done with me, by a week had passed since my incident with the nurse I couldn't wait any longer.

Since I still couldn't move with my stomach still healing I did the next best thing, I yelled for a doctor. Dr Andrews at this time was just coming back from he's vacation and heard about what happened with me he, thankfully he came when he heard me yelling. I started crying not caring if he was mad at me or not I let go of all of it the anger the sadness, the feeling of wanting to be dead everything. I laid it all on him and him being the ever patient self just listened to me, not once did he tell me to shut up or something. Finally what seemed like hours I cooled off enough to talk to him, just like with every other patient he's had he lets them talk about what they need to say and offers them some good advice, not the whole you will be ok one day blah blah blah be happy advice. He was able to have both Carrie and the other nurse whos name I got was Elizabeth come in and see me, i was able to give them both an apology that they deserved and thanked them for everything they have done for me. Carrie seemed please but Elizabeth was still nervous couldn't blame the poor lass after how I treated her, remembering she seemed to have a confidence problem I told her she was doing a great job and swore that i wouldn't give her any more problems if she ever brought me a plate.

From than on I started focusing on myself eating was hard for me since I never did it before, I didn't realize but I had lost 20 pounds and was considered under weight. While trying to get my weight up Carrie started coming by again on her breaks this time I was open and talked to her, about how I was feeling and what I wanted to do in the future. Believe it or not Elizabeth was the one who got me into nursing she accidently left one of her medical books at my room and curious me I started reading it, after that things took off from there I decided I would devote my second chance at life to help people like how I was. It wasn't easy but I was able to take a few beginner classes while still recovering and found it interesting how medicine and doctors have evolved through the years. After finally being able to get up without the risk of pulling my stiches out Dr. Andrews brought in my two sisters. I completely had forgotten about them which I was ashamed of but I didn't let those thoughts stay, we reconciled and made a promise to never loose each other again. Eventually I was able to take more courses from the hospital and after a few good years I was able to become a full time nurse. Carrie being my guide , mentor and a mother to me stayed with me though the whole time helping me study we formed that mother daughter bond and I couldn't be more happier.

So yeah I've had it ruff I didn't suffer from memory loss like you are thankfully but yeah my road has been bumpy but I'm glad I'm on it with my family and friends with me. When I first saw you brit laying there I saw myself in you and all I wanted to do was make sure I could help you even if it was a little. Since becoming your friend I have another reason to keep pushing brit hopefully now you know I will always have your back just like my mom and my sisters did for me. If my story can help inspire you to move past however your body ,ay look than its worth it, this time Lucy pulls me into a hug and I start to cry on Lucy she may not be perfect but she has a heart of gold. Honestly I'm at a loss for words I didn't expect her to be this open to me but I'm glad she did I may not remember who I am but I do know what I want to do and that's to regain my lost memory's and family.

I feel Lucy running her fingers through my hair slightly pressing into my scalp looking up at her with glossy eyes, she's just gave me the motivation I desperately needed. Well brit I showed and told you mine are you ready to show me yours? Remembering our deal I get what she meant by, letting go of her I have a new found determination running through me. I may not walk away from whatever incident or accident I had without a reminder on my body, but that doesn't mean I have to face it alone. I don't even realize with me being in the zone I forget to grab my notepad. Looking her straight into her eyes green eyes looking at crimson red with determination, without even realizing I mutter a small L-let d-do it!

Wow that's a long chapter but I hope you enjoyed it, sorry for the long delays on re doing all these chapters. Life likes to push me down but like brit I wont be backing down. Ill be uploading this new chapter on my deviant art account as well, with a side note all my other chapters I haven't updated yet ill be taking them down so there's no confusing. Remember to like and or comment I deeply appreciate it and thank you for patience and kind words

Sector Z

Released 09/24/22 updated on 10/13/23