What's This Life For
"Because they could never find
what's this life for
what's this life for
what's this life for
what's this life for" - Creed
Kelly Benjamin Severide smoked daily, drank often, even went back to the pills that he swore he would not do again well he broke that promise. Never gave two shits about anything, all Kelly wanted to do was be high and forget. Forget that Stella Kidd is former wife and best friend murdered his son Caiden he remembered what the doctor told him when he held his son "It is hopeless in saving him not even a miracle will bring him to you I snapped his neck from the spinal cord your son was dead in moments." There was no remorse, there was no I am sorry, no forgiveness. Burying my son Caiden next to my dad Benny, that popped a pill being like his old man. Taking a swing of beer when hearing Severide men don't marry that was a fucking lie we do just get back stabbed when we least expect it. Tossing another pill down my throat when the affair kicked off yeah that was another fucking mistake taking a job offer in Detroit learning new ways to do things for Squad Rescue while I was away Stella had fucking fling with another Lieutenant's wife of Fire Rescue out the 31st District firehouse. How nice right instead asking me or calling me to see how I was doing nope nothing like our fucking marriage was a fucking joke to her. Caught them both red handed even sent the copy to the Lieutenant's wife every angle you can think of that did the moaning of his name the dick bouncing. The only thing they both wanted was a clean slate no court hearings, least of the video that exposed them. On the day I placed the video camera was going to toss the recording away something told me to play it so I went to work with it, waited until I was alone put the flash drive into my computer wasn't expecting it. The bump formed that lying fucking bitch I am nice so bitch just works for Stella. Was glued my mind couldn't comprehend what I was seeing besides Stella leaning forward on this bastards dick all the fucking moaning, the tit sucking it was like a watching a porn video with my wife in the video. Was frozen in my office just watching listening, everything I remembered was just walked out with the flash-drive didn't want to see anybody, talk to anybody when I passed Stella it took everything in me to say "I have morals" just walked passed as quickly as I could to my car just sped off like my ass was on fire. It has been going on months Caiden is my timeline sadly to say, after Caiden died the affair spiked my fucking marriage was a fucking sham for her to be with a married man. Then fucked me when he was busy yeah have it all on tape, smoking another cigarette as he drank once more not caring how scruffy he looks. Just knows he is tired of living finishing his last cigarette he puts on his coat heads out into the cold. Feeling for his brand new phone with one number attached it was a hit or miss dialing it because for one he crumble to the ground begging for her to save him once more.
Stella Kidd was a Lieutenant out of the 51st Firehouse she was actually at work nobody asked or questioned where Severide was in the building, she was keeping an eye on Brett actually mostly she knows that Sylvie was in love with Matt "Mathew" Ryan Casey everyone knew it but even that didn't last long, Stella wanted to know what was up Sylvie's ass but kept it quiet. Stella smirked thinking it was former husband that couldn't be far from the truth or so she thought Stella rubbed her growing belly she was pregnant everyone thought it was Severide's but that was lie when they all found out what she did so now it was the whole "play nice and civil" game so that was what everyone was doing, just amounts of small talk nobody cared really. Stella was just wanted to go back where everyone talked laughed now it was just cold shoulder, she was the ice that froze. Stella knows what she did was wrong the slap in the face was clear to see it after the call Lily Hastings was Calvin's wife backhanded me in front of everyone, even spat on me. Then finding out was pregnant once more was a slap in the face to Kelly seeing how she killed their son when he found out just let him curse me out while I packed up when he called me fucking bitch that stung but then he said something else that stung but I can't relive it I do could lose my daughter I found a few days ago. Calvin was excited we were expecting but once Severide never shown up for a work nobody asked, nobody congratulations either not that I was expecting it. Kelly's mom wanted nothing to do with me anymore either that was fine to just feel like a floater in all my life having an affair was not in my cards nor a check list to me had, its another reason she is watching Sylvie she thinks people are giving her the cold shoulder for what she is saying. Calvin isn't some random person he was actually my former flame I had to break up with him due a conflict with work, never lost the spark we shared. Stella rubbed her belly in private setting of the firehouse seeing her old flame at Molly's was bringing back butterflies in her stomach the affair was just kinky both of their spouses were away one was a spa retreat for her friends birthday and Kelly was in Michigan for work related business for Squad Rescue and working with ATF on a few cases. None of the feelings went away its not our fault I am not going to be the bad guy in all of this. It was a woah factor Kelly couldn't bring me the same orgasm Kelly must have known because he was distant and not in a good way either. Kelly somehow managed to catch them in the act divorce papers, the blackmailing of showing this to the brass to lose their current jobs if the papers were not signed, then the court if it were to be in a court case. So Stella signed them clean slated they didn't have a joint account so their money wasn't touched, just the clean slate that everyone wanted the moment you realized what you had the marriage, the laughter, the whole fucking package goes down the tubes all because the old flame was exciting as the affair started.
Sylvie Elizabeth Brett was really worried about her former Lieutenant Kelly Benjamin Severide he changed his mobile number she sighed needing a vacation it was getting to much it was all Stella's fault that she hurt Kelly once more didn't care for his feelings no just using their marriage for a check list the affair was something nobody seen coming least of her. As Sylvie was going over the checklist for the innovatory of the ambulance her cellphone rings as she closes the driver side door she answers with "Kelly?" What's wrong? Where are you?" Sylvie asked in a panic voice, not waiting for a reply or a response back Sylvie continued "near my apartment door underneath the welcome mat is a key that is taped it's yours I made another one encase you lost yours previously. I do not want to get that call Kelly that you are on the bridge or in a back ally, in the water, please for me begging you Kelly." Sylvie said as she was trying to keep her emotions stable as the best she could with tears stinging her eyes Sylvie blurted out "love you Kelly, Gods baby I love you there I said it now you have to make the choice you want love again or you want death make the choice." Sylvie said as she was showing anger towards the end as she hung up she had to clear her head for the morning shift it was going to be long that much is true. Finally being all alone in the ambulance she sits in the back of the on the gurney with the doors partly closed she screamed for all the emotions she was feeling just let go of it all.
Kelly dialed her number before he could get a word in Kelly heard all of Sylvie's panicked words every emotion towards the end something that shocked him was scared along with anger never had he heard Sylvie angry before he liked that side of her but it feared him just the same. Kelly wasn't to sure if Sylvie thought of him being suicidal but she declared her love for him, gave him something to believe in again. Sylvie also gave him a place to stay as well hearing the choices between life and death then the dial tone Kelly heads towards Sylvie's apartment giving into his appearance he knows a shower is a must making another call before Sylvie sends him back to Alcohol Anonymous and Drug rehab he knows the place well that was where they went to the first time out in Las Vegas when Stella left me, the painful feeling of never doing anything right, feeling you are doing everything wrong. Kelly could go by himself but he knows he needs to vent where nobody knows who he is nor the brass finding out but he put in his papers or so he thought. Sylvie once more saved his job along with his career Las Vegas helped me once might help me again hell they move out to Las Vegas knowing Sylvie this time around fuck everyone else lets go Kelly what do you say he looked around as he smirked thinking she would say, but he knows it is no laughing matter he had a Chief to call it was part of the 12 steps he worked on that was: redemption, forgiveness. Kelly went back to the Catholic faith to confess his sins, the loss of his son, the forgiveness he can't even make himself do. Once Kelly's feet landed on Sylvie's doorstep pulling back the mat he takes the key that is tapped to the bottom of the mat he unlocks the door once inside he doesn't pay attention just locks it back up turning around he sees the first ray of light he goes to the window and sobs on his knees knowing that God forgives him for everything.
Chief Wallace Boden was sitting at his desk going over reports, recent cases and calls that the firehouse responded to, as the landline rang he sighed as Wallace answered "Chief Boden." Wallace said as he hears "Chief it's Severide, I'm ready to return to work, staying at Brett's for who knows how long. Going back to rehab should be dead but I knew if I made that one call would save my life. My marriage fell apart, I couldn't believe it all, the trust we had. My son that I will never know is dead my baby boy is gone. Stella didn't want my child Chief she aborted it when I wanted my son." Chief Boden just waited listening to his strong Lieutenant when he didn't hear anymore knowing the line didn't go "Severide, you take how long you need to back on track before you start working for the firehouse Lieutenant." Chief Wallace Boden said as he sighed when Kelly sniffed "Chief, me and Brett can't be a couple if I am back on Squad it's forbidden, nobody knows this but Chief, Brett saved my life when Stella left me the first time we out to Las Vegas off the books she got me clean from my alcohol addiction. I even think that we where be heading back there, Sylvie told me will talk tonight she is my angel Chief I can't lose her." Kelly said as he sobbed he hung up he had to for one hearing the answer as to why it's forbidden maybe bending the rules. Kelly sat on the floor he was detoxing the for something anything in his system to tie him over the high was overwhelming but knowing Sylvie she would not approve that's all he needed to stay clean was Sylvie.
Chief gets up and goes to the window he knows about the first time Sylvie helped his Lieutenant off the books Even knew something happened along the way Stella said she needed a week leave to see a friend, so he granted it then seeing his Lieutenant come into his office telling him where he actually went that he sought out help from a coworker knowing that the feelings was their maybe telling him the rules lead Kelly being pushed to Stella. Knowing that a Paramedic In Charge could not be in a relationship this was his fault as Kidd's he hopes he can talk to the brass in the up coming weeks about his Lieutenant and PIC being a couple to bend the rules they are good for each other. Kelly was or is grounded so to speak when Sylvie is around that much is true, now that all has happened for his Lieutenant wanted to commit suicide Brett once more talked Kelly out of it. Life wasn't fair for those two at all he made damn sure to keep those two together even if it meant hell to pay for his own career. Then Chief thought of something even better he would have to talk to Sylvie about demoting her keeping her ambulance 61 underneath someone's orders that was perfect now to bring Sylvie into his office to talk to her about all this.
Sylvie was just finishing up when Chief wanted to see her in his office about what was any bodies guess even Stella who looked at her strangely. Least it was cold anymore in the common room then she noticed everyone talked in hush whispers sighing once more maybe putting in a transfer would be hell of a lot easier but then again she liked it here or so she thought. Once Sylvie arrived to the office door she knocked to get the Chief's attention "close the door" Sylvie was highly confused but she did it anyways before she had a chance to sit "stand for this conversation you are wonderful leader for ambulance 61 you brought out skills did a lot things that helped this community but I am asking you to step down from your position promote Violet Mikami as PIC. We both a man we love and respect right now he needs you, you helped get clean once need you to get him clean again go back to Las Vegas I know that is where you two will be heading want you both back here, this time Sylvie we will pass a boot around make sure it gets to you for his rehabilitation recovery." Chief said as Sylvie whipped her eyes she nodded knowing what Chief just did for them "I will tell Kelly when time allows it Chief right now Kelly needs all the help he can get. It's Severide's call if he wants to come back or not always made it his choice never mine to make." Sylvie said as she walked out the door she whipped her eyes as she cleaned out her locker along with Kelly's it will be another long journey for Kelly's recovery but I know one thing Stella will never be forgiven. Once leaving the firehouse not realizing she was being followed she gets into her vehicle takes off to her apartment.
Chief came into the common room "Severide and Brett will be taking a leave of absences for some personal reasons one I do not wish to disclose however a boot will be passed around that is all I am saying also Violet Mikami, Brett wanted to me to give you these you are now our PIC do us proud Mikami I know you will being underneath Brett that is all." Chief noticed that Stella Kidd was nowhere insight that meant trouble well she will be in a nasty surprise one that Chief was looking forward to.
As Sylvie sees a Jeep rolling her eyes she couldn't believe that Stella followed her what fuck is she thinking? Stella has zero remorse or just to fucking stupid to let Kelly go.
Kelly was a drunk Stella just left him for Boston he was now on the borderline of becoming Benny if he didn't get the help he needed with his alcoholism. Calling the one person who could help him was Sylvie she was never judgmental always the ear to listen along with leaning on. Stella wasn't her phone and or texts he called Sylvie as she answered "help me." Kelly said as he hung up or so he thought as Sylvie heard him get sick. Kelly knew he lost his job he thought hiding the liquor in a water bottle would be more solid turns out that was when he lost his job when the Chief found out and Sylvie stayed all I kept asking was "what did I do? Why did Stella leave me?" As Sylvie helped become sober she helped with the help I needed once Sylvie takes one look at me I swear she was going to turn around and leave but we both cried as she let me get all out she bathed me. Stella sent her a text messages that was when we went to Las Vegas, Nevada for the rehab treatments we bonded as Stella messed up but me and Sylvie would take things slow then me and Stella mended our differences or so I thought. Kelly forgave Stella from the first abortion that she did with unborn but now that he was used once more it hurt god did it fucking hurt. What did I do? Tell me what did I do to hurt me so much?
Sylvie knew that Kelly was drunk again it was clear to see as she heard the argument that Sylvie heard "Kelly please let's talk about this please?" Stella said Sylvie unlocked her apartment door as Kelly looked at Sylvie who came inside the apartment as Kelly just crumbled he just fell with a thud "HELP ME!" Sylvie went forward as she knew what he needed they did once the first time as Stella sighed as she didn't understand just watching them together Stella sat on the sofa waiting for the two of them to come out. Sylvie said soothing words as Kelly was being placed into the tub as was Sylvie she watched Kelly as she held him she washed him as he was content and safe. Sylvie was gentle never moving then thinking about to say to Stella maybe not be nice about it. Once the water was getting cold Sylvie helped Kelly out of the bathtub she dried him off as he hugged Sylvie "shh soon we can cuddle in the mean time lay down in my bed I will make you something we can go to Las Vegas one more get you the help you need." Sylvie whispered as she kissed his forehead "you are loved Kelly so much so." Kelly opened his eyes as he touched her stomach "I love you more Sylvie." Kelly said as he kissed it then putting her shirt down as he smiled went to sleep as Sylvie sighed maybe a transfer to a different firehouse would be best for them both.
Sylvie came out of her bedroom with the door closed as Stella watched her closely "don't okay just don't you have no idea he forgave you the first time because he was working on himself, you killed his son Caiden, so you can have an affair with a married man do you have any idea what that is doing to him emotionally, along with physically? I can tell you this he wants a child when Kelly is drunk only drunk does he kiss my stomach thinking our child yes our child is inside of it? Kelly is again what he did wrong? Where did he go wrong in all of this? You think it's what okay for what you did? You think its so easy for all of us to forgive you their isn't any forgiving you fucked up here Stella not me you." Sylvie said as she grabbed her keys "I can't you have no idea what it was like the first time getting him sober this is something that I have to take him once more to Las Vegas pray that Dr. Marshall can help him once more overcome this because he is once more on the brink of losing his life. Sadly Stella you need to leave us alone because I spoke to Chief whatever Kelly wants to do the whole firehouse will support him that is including me whether we transfer or not." Sylvie said as she left the apartment.