Eddie wasn't the biggest fan of Halloween. Sure, he liked the lighthearted part of it, dressing up and trick or treating. He already had his and Christopher's costumes picked out. And he was fine with haunted houses and horror movies, as long as they were done in good fun. It was the other stuff he wasn't a fan of.
Deep down he knew it was all coincidence when less than normal calls came in this time of year. If you were thinking about creepy things, other events started taking on a creepier edge. It was like after watching a scary movie. The clothes thrown over a chair that were completely normal before, now looked like a monster lurking in the dark. That was all this was, even if the call in the cemetery was a little more odd than usual. And the one with the hiker. Eddie knew there were rational explanations for everything. Buck, not so much.
"It was a ghost," Buck said confidently, as soon as they sent their injured hiker off in an ambulance.
"Really?" Eddie drawled, rolling his eyes fondly. He loved how excited Buck could get about things, even if they were outlandish and impossible.
"What other explanation is there?"
"I don't know. Maybe the hiker did call and forgot because of the trauma? Or- or-"
"Or the spirit attached to those remains we found called for him."
"And why wouldn't they have called for themselves? I feel like it's easier to make a call when you're alive, especially if you unlock your phone with a fingerprint," Eddie smirked.
"Maybe they did. There might be a record of it. Or when they tried to call, there was no reception. Can't you admit that there are things in this world that are impossibly possible?" Buck challenged. Eddie stared up into Buck's earnest eyes and found he didn't have the heart to argue with the man. Did he have the right to try to smother someone else's beliefs? He wasn't hurting anyone and Eddie had dealt with controlling behavior enough over the years to know that it didn't feel good.
"I guess until there is proof otherwise, anything is possible." Eddie knew that was the right answer when Buck's face lit up with a smile. He'd say just about anything at this point to see it.
"Do you want to do something tomorrow? Maybe lunch?"
"Can't. I've got the tour of-"
"Chris' school! How could I have forgotten?" Buck groaned, slapping himself on the forehead. "Are you nervous?"
"Of course not," Eddie brushed off. Of course he was, but he wasn't going to admit it. He second guessed every decision he made for his son, since he was so worried about making the wrong one. But coming to California had been a big risk and it was working out great, so maybe it was time to start trusting his instincts more. "Carla says it's an amazing school. And she's coming with me to talk to the administrator."
"It's good you'll have her. She knows all the right questions to ask."
"I still can't believe how lucky I am to have met her," Eddie said, lowering his voice for the next part. "And to have met you." Buck's cheeks turned a little pink at the statement and he pursed his lips, trying to keep a straight face.
"Eds."
"I may be busy tomorrow, but I wouldn't mind doing something later this week. Just the two of us."
"Like a date?" Buck asked, practically bouncing where he stood. Seeing someone get excited at the thought of spending time with him was unusual, but definitely not unwelcome. Eddie wanted to feel this feeling forever.
"Maybe," Eddie replied slyly, bumping Buck with his shoulder. He wanted to touch more, but they couldn't yet. Not in front of everyone and not at work. But any contact they shared was welcome.
"I can't wait."
The school was beautiful. Eddie couldn't let it show, since he wanted them to work to convince him it was best for Christopher, but he liked it. It was spacious, updated, had all the earthquake precautions required and more, which he definitely asked about. The staff seemed like they really cared about the kids, which made all the difference in the world. Christopher had a love of learning and he didn't want him to ever lose it.
Eddie thought everything would be smooth sailing once he gave the school his answer, but of course there had to be one last curveball. It wasn't as if he forgot about Shannon. He thought of his wife everyday, whether he wanted to or not. But at no time did he think that her presence could make or break this decision.
In all honesty, it didn't make sense. He made every other decision for Christopher in the past two years alone, without anyone asking about his mother. The school he was at currently only cared that his house was in the right zone. Families came in all different shapes and sizes now. Why was an interview with both parents so important?
Eddie felt sick when he made the call to Shannon, but it had to be done. His feelings weren't as important as his son. The conversation was brief, since this wasn't something that should be done over the phone. Shannon was quiet with shock as he rattled off his address and asked to meet the next day. He heard her start to ask him a question, but he hurriedly claimed he was busy and ended the call before they could go further.
The rest of the day was spent in a daze as he got ready for his late shift. It was good that he'd have that to distract him, instead of sitting at home and having to put on a show for Christopher, before tossing and turning in bed all night. When he was on the job, his focus was on the job, since it would be more dangerous otherwise. Hopefully they'd get a lot of complicated calls. Not ones where people were hurt, just ones that needed a lot of physical labor.
Unfortunately, the trend of strange calls continued. But instead of getting to repel down the side of a cliff, he and Buck were tasked with taking care of the power, while the rest of their team dealt with the rescue. There wasn't much for them to do, so Buck did what he usually did and filled the silence. Eddie tried to act normal and reply to Buck's various bat facts, but he wasn't doing a very good job. Of course Buck noticed.
"Everything okay?" Buck asked, looking over at him as they made sure a pile of cords were unplugged and safely rolled up.
"Of course," Eddie replied, shooting Buck a quick smile. It didn't get his desired outcome, if that little wrinkle between Buck's brows told him anything.
"You sure?" Buck questioned, looking at him critically. Buck was too observant for his own good.
"Yeah."
"Is this about the school tour? Did it not go well?"
"That's- no, it went fine," Eddie shrugged off. That wasn't a lie, since the tour itself went fine. It was just everything after it. And Eddie had no idea how to bring it up.
They hadn't really talked about Shannon. Eddie wasn't the type to be forthcoming with most subjects, but that one was especially touchy. Their history was so complicated and he had so many regrets. He wouldn't be able to handle it if Buck looked at him differently because of the mistakes he'd made. Eddie was trying so hard to be a better person, but he knew his past was nipping at his heels. And tomorrow he'd be confronted with it fully. He just needed things with Buck to stay uncomplicated for as long as possible.
"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Buck was looking at him with so much genuine affection that Eddie almost spilled the beans right then, but he held back. This wasn't the time or place, even if he actually did want to talk about it.
"Sure, yeah."
"If you're stressing about asking me out on a date tomorrow, I'm sorry to tell you I'm already booked," Buck smirked, lightening the mood so effortlessly. Eddie wished he had that skill.
"Oh really?"
"Yep. Hanging with Maddie. I promise not to gossip about you with her too much."
"I won't make that same promise when it comes to Carla. I'm sure she's got some interesting dirt on you," Eddie grinned, smiling genuinely for the first time since all of this started. What he wouldn't give to stay on this call forever and forget about everything that was waiting for him.
"I'm sure if I called her up, she'd give me some dirt on you," Buck shot back, looking contemplative. "It has been a while since the two of us chatted." Eddie pursed his lips, holding back his opposition to that idea. Carla knew about his current dilemma and might give up information, seeing as how she didn't know he'd want to keep it under wraps. If Eddie put up too much of a fuss, Buck would know he was holding something back for sure.
"Or we could both get some dirt on Christopher from her."
"That will be handy going into his teen years," Buck noted, pausing their talk as Bobby's voice came through the radio. It was time for them to load up and head back to the station. As they walked back, Eddie couldn't help but wonder if Buck would still be around to get the inside scoop on Christopher as he got older. Eddie hoped so, but with the meeting he had hanging over his head, he wasn't sure of anything anymore.
Eddie was a wreck. He wiped his sweaty palms across his pants as he paced his living room, waiting for the knock at the door. After he got home from his shift, he'd gotten Christopher off to school and tossed and turned in his bed for an hour or two before giving up and meticulously cleaning his house. It was always generally clean and devoid of clutter, but he made sure everything was as pristine as possible.
Maybe part of him wanted to prove to Shannon that they were okay and Eddie wasn't the huge mess he'd been when she left. She'd never been his harshest critic, since they were both drowning together and just trying to survive, but a part of him could always tell she'd wished he'd been better. He was now and he wanted her to see that.
When the knock finally came, Eddie wanted to run out the back of the house. Instead, he took a deep breath and braced himself, before opening the door. Eddie wasn't sure what he was expecting to see, but Shannon looked exactly the same. It had only been two years, but so much had happened. Eddie knew he was different, even if it didn't show on the outside.
They exchanged one of the most awkward hugs of his life when he invited her in. He couldn't even remember what it felt like to touch her with love and passion. The last time had probably been before Christopher was born, when they had their whole lives ahead of them. They were intimate after Christopher arrived, of course, but it wasn't the same. It was a quickie while Christopher napped, the rare times Eddie was on leave. Or going through the motions after he'd gone to bed for the night, just because it was what married couples were supposed to do. After Eddie came back from being discharged, they'd tried once, but it didn't go well. He didn't like to think about that.
Eddie led Shannon to Christopher's room, knowing that's where he'd want to go if he'd been in her position. She took in all the little details in silence, letting them paint the picture of who their son was now. Eddie remembered coming home after months, thinking he knew all of his son's favorite things, but finding out he'd moved onto something new. It was a miserable feeling.
They made a little small talk, but it didn't take long for a few tendrils of resentment to leak out. Eddie probably deserved the jab about him not letting Shannon know they'd left Texas. He almost snapped back that he would've told her if she ever checked in with them, but he held back. That wouldn't accomplish anything and Eddie needed her help now.
They moved their discussion to the living room, so Shannon would have more space to look over the paperwork from the school. Eddie stayed standing, needing the distance. Sitting next to Shannon on the couch felt too close, too intimate. Eddie focused on selling the school to her, trying to convince her this was the best choice for Christopher. It wasn't going too badly, until Eddie put his foot in his mouth and mentioned her seeing him.
Of course Shannon wanted to see Christopher. Eddie was eager to see his son, even when they'd only been apart for the length of a long shift. And if anyone tried to keep him away, Eddie would fight tooth and nail to get to him. But as soon as Shannon said she wanted to see him, Eddie immediately shot her down.
Helping him with this new transition was a terrible excuse. His mother coming back into the mix would overshadow and overwhelm everything else. What Christopher needed was stability and Eddie couldn't trust that Shannon could provide that right now.
He expected Shannon to lash out, but Eddie hadn't expected her words to cut him so deep. For her to hit him right in his biggest regrets and insecurities. She knew what they were, since she'd been on the receiving end of his worst qualities. He hadn't been who she needed him to be. It was his fault that Christopher had been without a mother for so long. It had been Shannon's decision to leave, but Eddie hadn't given her any reason to stay. Eddie couldn't do more than stare as Shannon stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her. Once again, he'd failed his wife and son.
Eddie tried to put everything out of his mind as he got ready for trick or treating. Christopher deserved to have his first Halloween in their new house be special. Eddie being in a sour mood would just ruin it. If he'd chosen to be Oscar the Grouch, he might've gotten away with it, but hindsight was 20/20.
Carla was able to see through his act though. He told her about his talk with Shannon and instead of commiserating with him, she challenged him. Eddie usually appreciated her propensity to speak her mind and her dislike of nonsense, but not so much right now. Not when she was confronting him with things he didn't want to face.
Was Shannon the reason he'd chosen to move to Los Angeles? He could claim being close to his abuela and tia as the reason, or rattle off the fire department's accolades, but would that be the whole truth? Or had Eddie been holding out hope that someday this reunion would occur and his family would be whole again? Would Eddie have jumped at the chance to make it so? At one point, he might've said yes, but that was before Buck came into his life.
Could Eddie deny Christopher the opportunity to have his family back together, just to see where things went with Buck? Buck, who was his not-quite boyfriend. A person who could decide at any moment that he wanted to try to work things out with his far-flung girlfriend. Or that Eddie's life was too complicated to bother with. Or any other reason that a relationship didn't work out. Was that fair?
Eddie brushed those thoughts aside when Christopher walked in, letting his stresses get lost in the comfort of his son. He snapped a few pictures of them in their costumes together, letting his finger hover over the share icon a few seconds before he tucked his phone back in his pocket. Who had he wanted to send the photos to? Sometimes doing nothing was easier than making a choice.
Eddie drummed his fingers along his steering wheel, checking the time again, even though only a minute had passed. The new school had called him to let him know that Shannon had an appointment to talk to them about Christopher's admission. He hadn't talked to her since the disaster of a meeting at his house, so he was relieved she'd gone through with it. Eddie knew Shannon wasn't vindictive and she wouldn't actively do anything for the sole purpose of hurting Christopher, but he wouldn't have been surprised if she decided to go back to her life and keep her distance. Especially after Eddie made it clear he didn't want her to see Christopher.
His phone beeped in his pocket and he pulled it out, finding another text from Buck. He hadn't replied, besides a few one word answers. Eddie was too distracted for more than that. He knew it was a dick move to not even briefly explain why he was busy, but that would just open him up to more questions. All he had himself were questions right now and he was desperate for answers that wouldn't come to him.
Shannon finally walked out of the school and Eddie climbed out of his truck to meet her, plastering a neutral look on his face. She seemed confident enough that the interview went well and Eddie tried expressing his genuine appreciation for what she'd done, but of course it came out the wrong way. It only served to frustrate Shannon more and as she moved to leave, Eddie blocked her from getting into her car. This probably wasn't the best place to have this conversation, but they'd already put it off for years.
Eddie told her that he understood why she left. He'd done the same, in his own way, but he'd come back. And he thought she would too. That she'd take care of her mom, get the space she needed, then come back to her family. But she hadn't and that's why he felt like he had to keep her at arm's length now.
Hearing why she'd stayed away floored him. Eddie always assumed it was his fault. That she wanted to come back, but she couldn't bear the thought of being stuck with him again. That he was too bad of a partner. He had no idea it was because she felt responsible for Christopher's cerebral palsy. The thought of it made him sick. The thought of Shannon struggling silently while Eddie was there and had no idea made him feel utterly worthless. What else had he missed? What else had he been wrong about?
Eddie held her as she broke down, feeling any resentment that was left in him slowly melt away. It felt like it had when they found out Shannon was pregnant, when they were two kids who were overwhelmed and scared out of their minds. They'd clung to each other then, desperate for comfort and reassurance. Just because they were a few years older, didn't mean they still didn't need that.
When they finally broke apart, Eddie held Shannon's hands in his own, promising that Christopher still loved her and missed her. And that he missed her as well. For the first time since he knew he had to make that phone call, it felt like things might work out. That they might be able to come out the other side of this mess in a better place. They could figure out a way for Shannon to be back in Christopher's life in a way they could all be happy with. And then Shannon leaned up and kissed him.
"Oh!" Eddie exclaimed, jerking away in shock. He dropped her hands, taking a step back to put some distance between them. He hadn't been expecting that at all.
"Sorry. It's probably too soon, but-"
"I'm seeing someone!" Eddie blurted out, wincing at the blank look on Shannon's face.
"What?" Shannon asked, shaking her head a little like she couldn't quite believe what he was saying. He opened his mouth to try and explain himself, to say something to make this all better, but he had nothing. He just stood there, gaping like an idiot. "This really was just about getting Christopher into this school, wasn't it?"
"No! Well, yes but-"
"Wow," Shannon scoffed, turning away from him. Eddie reached out to touch her shoulder, but Shannon wrenched it away, glaring back at him with a scathing look in her eyes. "Is that why you don't want me to see Christopher? Because you already have someone else in my place?"
"No! It's not like that!"
"I never would've expected anything like this from you, but I guess you just found a new way to let me down," Shannon forced out, choking back tears. She pushed her way past Eddie to climb into her car, while he watched on in silence. As she drove away, Eddie wondered if he'd just ruined Christopher's chance to have his family back.
Eddie rolled the empty beer bottle in his hands as he stared at his coffee table. He was only two deep, but they were already wreaking havoc on his unsettled stomach. He wanted to drink himself into oblivion, but he'd probably become intimately acquainted with the toilet before that ever happened. Once again, Eddie was failing at something.
He'd begged Pepa to take Christopher for the night, lying about picking up a last minute shift. Eddie felt like crap for doing it, but he wouldn't have been able to survive taking care of Chris. Just one loving, trusting look from his son would've broken him. He'd never felt more undeserving of affection before right now.
How was it that only a week ago, even a few days ago, he was happy? He had this new, exciting thing to look forward to. His job was great, his kid was great, and everything was running smoothly. How was it that one thing could make everything crumble to dust? Was it a sign that nothing he thought he had was real? If it was, would it have been that easy to break?
A knock on the door stirred him from his depressive thoughts. He had no idea who would be coming over at this time of night, but with his luck, it would be his parents. Eddie trudged to the door, not bothering to check who was there before opening it up.
"Hey, I know you're busy and I'm sorry to pop in like this, but I needed to talk to you," Buck rushed out, bouncing from foot to foot in barely restrained excitement. Eddie blinked a few times, before stepping aside and allowing him in. Buck walked over to the couch and sat down, before immediately bouncing back up.
"Is everything okay?"
"Everything's great! I mean, I was a little sad earlier, but I think that's normal when you make such a big decision. Now that I have, I really feel like I'm doing the right thing. And you're the first person I wanted to tell," Buck replied, taking a deep, resolute breath. "I broke up with Abby."
"Oh." Eddie felt another wave of guilt crash into him. The universe hated him and Eddie wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment.
"She doesn't technically know it yet, since I did it in a letter, but I put it in the post on the way here, so it's official. And I packed up everything I had in her apartment, so that's done too. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to stay for the time being, but-"
"Shannon's back," Eddie whispered, interrupting Buck's speech. The other man paused, tilting his head to the side as he registered the words.
"Christopher's mom?" Buck questioned, even though he already knew the answer. Eddie nodded anyway. "Okay. That's good, right?"
"We kissed." Buck's face immediately went dark and Eddie almost stepped back, not knowing what he was about to do. That wasn't a look he'd ever seen on Buck's face. Eddie hated to be the one to put it there.
"You kissed your wife. I guess I can't really be mad at that," Buck laughed bitterly. All traces of excitement he'd had before were long gone. "So, what does this mean?"
"I don't know," Eddie admitted, shaking his head. What he wanted to say was that he still wanted to be with Buck. That the man had made him feel things that he thought weren't possible for him, even in the short time they'd spent together. But that wasn't what came out. "With Chris-"
"I get it," Buck said quickly, holding up his hands to stop Eddie from going further. To stop whatever excuse Eddie was going to come up with. "It's okay."
"Buck, I-"
"You don't have to explain anything to me. She's your wife, your family. Hey, maybe I would've done the same if Abby showed back up." He wouldn't have and they both knew that. "We knew when this thing started that it was complicated and the odds were against us. I understand."
"I'm sorry," Eddie said, willing himself not to break down. Buck didn't deserve to feel bad for him. This was Eddie's fault and he earned this pain.
"I'll see you at work," Buck mumbled, flashing him a shaky smile before walking out the door without looking back. He didn't slam the door like Shannon had, but Eddie wished he had. He deserved the anger. He'd hurt two of the most important people in his life, and for what? Why couldn't he just be honest with himself and with them? Why was letting people down the only thing he was consistently good at?